Relationship Goals

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

 

Are you ready to start making your New Year’s Relationship Goals? Yes, it’s that time of year when we all start thinking about resolutions. 

Don’t let the Debbie Downers in your life make you think resolutions are lame. What’s not to love about a little self reflection and a bit of planning… especially in the name of romance!

Another variation of having a new year's resolutions is to say you have GOALS. Although the end of each year is a convenient time to think about the year that’s gone by, it is important to examine quarterly what you’d like to accomplish moving forward.

If you’re not in the habit of setting goals, give it a try. 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and aspirations. They tend to come true! 

Not just by luck, the act of verbalizing and documenting relationship goals commits us subconsciously. We speak our vision into being.

 

Relationship Goals

We’re not here today to talk about getting in the gym more often or getting that raise at work. Those are great, and if it’s something you want to shoot for, go for it. Today, we are here to talk about relationships.

We spend so much time focusing on falling in love and finding the right person, but we don’t focus enough on what it takes to stay in love or even fall deeper into love. Yes, there are levels to emotional connection in relationships that take effort but are so, so worth it.

Whether you and your partner are stuck in a rut and need to ignite your sex life, or you’re looking to take things in your relationship to the next level, here are 8 relationship resolutions to consider heading into 2020.

 

  1. Work on Yourself

 

We all catch ourselves wishing our partner would lose a little weight, spend less time on their phone, or quit smoking. It’s easy to project our wishes on other people. New Year’s isn’t the time for projecting our wishes on other people, it’s time to focus on ourselves.

It’s fine if you want to commit yourself to certain standards. Saying you resolve to not date anyone who smokes is much different than a resolution to help your current partner quit. The sooner you realize you can’t change other people, the better. Emphasize self-improvement and get a better perspective on what you can control.

 

  1. Dedicate Time to Each Other

    Relationship Goals

We get it. It’s easy to get in a zone where you take each other for granted. Life throws so much at us that it can be easy to forget why we’re together sometimes. The only way to beat back the complacency that creeps into relationships is by spending time with your partner to remember what it is you love about them.

And guess what? You’ll probably be surprised when you do. People change. The person you’re with now is different than the person you first fell in love with one, five, or fifteen years ago. Spending time alone together is a process of continual learning where you connect with your partner and discover new parts of them you didn’t know before.

 

  1. Make Sex a Priority!

In 2020, sex should be on your mind! Physical intimacy is a huge component of a relationship’s well-being. If sex has become a bit drab, make it a New Year’s relationship resolution to spice things up between the sheets.

Check out my video on “How to Seduce Your Spouse” 

Buy some sex toys, lingerie, or whatever else will get you or your partner in the mood. Try out a bit of role-playing, light BDSM, or some other way to change things up so it’s not the same old every time.

 

  1. Support Your Partner

Remember that time your partner said they wanted to quit their job to pursue art? Or that one year they said they wanted to take up cooking lessons? Resist the urge to be negative or critical when your partner wants to try something new. After all, they’re probably thinking about 2020 resolutions too.

Instead of resisting or poking fun, resolve this year to lend support to your partner with whatever they want to pursue. When your partner feels more fulfilled, you’ll be happier too.

 

  1. Get Your Finances in Order

If you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship, odds are you’ve fought over money in the past. Financial stress is one of the main challenges to relationships.

Relationship Goals

When the finances are a mess, it has a direct impact on how happy the two of you are.

Resolve in the new year to pay down debt, save a bit more, and spend on activities that will benefit your relationship. When you don’t have to spend so much time worrying about the bills, you have more mental space to give to the person you love.

 

  1. Give Therapy a Try

If you haven’t tried couple’s counseling yet, make 2020 the year you finally give it a shot. Couple’s counseling isn’t only for people struggling in a relationship. Even if things are great, you can benefit from seeing a licensed therapist.

Counseling is a great way to arm yourselves with communication tools for when any challenges arise. Counselors  also help you practice empathy and see things from your partner’s perspective.

Text therapy is a secure and convenient way to get frequent and intensive coaching from any location. 

 

  1. Implement a No-Phone Zone

Have you ever tried to bring up something serious with your partner, only to have them staring down at their phone? It’s deflating and chances are you’re not innocent either. More and more families and couples are instituting a no-phone zone to help people pay more attention to each other.

In a February 2019 article, Sehar Shoukat wrote that, “Excessive use of smartphone paired with negative attitude and feeling of anxiety and dependency on gadgets may increase the risk of anxiety and depression…”. The more we can push away from our phones, we can interact with people we love and improve our overall moods. 

Set a part of the house as a no-phone zone, or tell yourself that after a certain time, there’s no more phone or screens allowed. Instead of scrolling through social media, you’ll have more time to listen to your partner and engage one on one.

 

  1. Set a Goal Together

Relationships, like life, are about growth and progress. No matter who we are, we all feel stunted if we’re stalled in life. We need hobbies, work, or some other project to give us meaning.

Set a goal with your partner that’s something you are both interested in. Be careful, because you need to make sure the goal is something you both want to do. The goal cannot just be something one of you wants to do, and the other tags along. When you do something together you’ll build more common interests. Down the road those interests will be the thread that holds the two of you together.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Sexy Couples

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

 

Have you ever come across sexy couples and realize that you’re drawn to them for some strange reason? Perhaps you’ve seen them interacting across a restaurant or chatted with them at a dinner party.

Sometimes, we’re attracted to couples we’re more intimate with. It could be close friends we’ve known for a long time. Secretly, we envy something about their relationship.

When we see sexy couples, we admire the way they touch each other, laugh together, or just the way they look at each other. There’s something about them or their relationship that feels deeply desirable.

Usually, we’re too shy to tell them how we feel. Inside, we hunger for something similar. The couples become a mini obsession we grow to desire.

At times, the couples we find sexy aren’t people we are traditionally attracted to. They don’t match the physical or personality attributes we'd list to friends.

Outside Attraction is Natural Even Among Committed Couples

It’s ok to admit it, we all fantasize about people from time to time. It’s unrealistic to think that your current partner is the only one you'll ever find sexy. That doesn’t mean we’re going to be unfaithful.

Once we realize the sexual desire for others is normal, it can even add a lot more fun into our committed relationships!

Supportive partners help each other fulfill fantasy within boundaries. Add a little adventure into your sex life by introducing a bit of roleplaying. 

If you know your partner is feeling a certain kind of way about someone, try to play that up. Take on some of their personality traits or dress the way they do to make sex more interesting.

Hopefully, you nor your partner is overly jealous. It's great when both of you are willing to talk about attraction or desire for other people. 

Let loose, and let sexy couples improve your own love life with a little fantasy. 

Try to embody aspects of their relationship that draw you in. Fantasy is an important part of the intoxication with sexy couples! 

 

Sexual Desire is Fluid

Sexy Couples

Many people experience changes in sexual desire. As we grow into our sexuality, we realize attraction and desire are fluid. They don't always stay the same.

It’s a hard phenomenon to understand, and sometimes we are drawn to a person or sexy couples for reasons we can’t explain.

Most people, if they’re honest, can pinpoint times in their lives when they were attracted to someone who was not their “type.” People attracted to the other sex can feel the desire for same-sex individuals at times. 

Sometimes, it’s difficult to reconcile our feelings with our understanding of who we are as individuals. What does it mean, as a female, you find yourself attracted to both partners in a sexy couple you come across? It can be confusing when our sexual desires change. 

Labels are Helpful Yet Not Always Necessary

Over the years, labels have helped marginalized people or misunderstood claim space in society. 

The emphasis on labels, though, has led a lot of people to feel the need that everything must be labeled so that it’s understood. 

We often feel a need to declare what something is so we know how to approach and process our feelings.

Don’t be so quick to label yourself over your feelings of attraction and desire. We shouldn’t put pressure on ourselves to define every feeling or desire. Labels are good as long as they don’t put you in a box that you don’t want to be in.

If you are struggling, on the other hand, with defining your feelings of attraction and desire, the Kinsey Scale can help. For decades, the Kinsey Scale has helped people realize that sexual feelings change over time and aren’t always constant.

 

The Kinsey Scale

Dr. Alfred Kinsey led a team of researchers in interviewing thousands of people about their sexual attractions. It gauged over time how attractions and desires changed. The study found that sexual orientation shifts. Sometimes people declared themselves strictly attracted to the other sex, while at other times expressing a greater openness to homosexual feelings.

The Kinsey Scale[1] was created to help people understand the fluidity in sexual attraction better. It rates sexual attraction from 0-6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual (other sex) and 6 being exclusively homosexual (same sex).

Sexy CouplesThe study was completed decades ago, and it's had a huge impact. Books on the subject have sold millions of copies in a multitude of languages. Many of the conversations we have about sexual attraction today have roots in the Kinsey Scale.

We Can’t Explain Attraction

It’s not always possible to explain how we feel. Certain people, places, and conditions trigger a variety of emotions in people. You can find a couple or another individual extremely sexy at a certain point in your life, and then laugh about how you felt ten years later. Things change.

It’s important to embrace our feelings of attraction and try to understand what they mean about our sexuality. Fighting against feelings can lead to unnecessary internal struggles that could trigger depression or anxiety. Don't force a definition on yourself. Embrace your feelings of attraction. The best thing you can do is remain open and enjoy the ride. 

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Explore What Drives Your Attraction

Is a man in a relationship with a woman who is attracted to another man bisexual? Can there be an attraction between a gay man and a woman? When we understand there are no hard rules for sexuality and who we desire, then we can free ourselves.

Becoming more open sexually can be a wonderfully personal journey for people who want to learn more about themselves and explore where sexual desire comes from.

Knowing this opens us up to deeper connections. whether they be with committed partners, new relationships, or strangers we interact with.

So, the next time you find yourself staring or daydreaming about that sexy couple you’ve come across, don’t be afraid to dive a little deeper into your psyche about where those feelings come from and what that means about you.

Of course, a qualified sex therapist can help guide you through sexual discovery. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, find a sex coach who has experience dealing with changes in sexual desire.

 You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


My Fertility Journey

My Fertility Journey - Do Not Downplay the Impacts of Those Struggling With Infertility! 

 

Fertility. Ugh.  It really is one of my least favorite “F” words.

Fertility (or infertility, as many say) is a complex concept that is generally misunderstood by anyone who has not undergone it themselves. 

The assumptions and statements made to those undergoing treatment by those who have not experienced it is at best minimally supportive to, at worst, completely harmful. 

It is only in the last year, that I have watched this topic be addressed in mainstream society from Michelle Obama discussing that she conceived both her children through IVF to the Today Show’s Dylan Dryer sharing her story around fertility. It is basically 2020. 

Fertility struggles can have major impacts on individuals and relationships. 

Fertility

I, personally, have struggled with fertility and the impacts on my life were far greater than what I was prepared for.

I began my fertility journey in 2015, and my daughter was born in 2019. Over three years later. Overall, I was blessed with the support I received, as the nurse connected me with the resources for my personal struggles.

My case was unique, as I was half of a same-sex couple; thus, our fertility issues were unique because we could not just “have a baby.” That was just step one of the hurdles. 

Below are some important lessons surrounding fertility for you to get through it!

There is not enough support for those undergoing fertility treatments, and there are not enough resources. 

The impacts of fertility treatment far outweigh what we see or are told. The process for creating life is considered fun, intimate, and sacred for some couples. 

For couple’s undergoing fertility treatment, this is not often the case. 

Imagine trying to conceive IN a hospital room!

Depending on the fertility procedure, sometimes, your partner may not be able to be with you. This can cause a disconnect from the magic of what is happening… the creation of a child. 

 

Fertility ImpactsFertility

 

Pain

The procedures are invasive and, at times, painful. Some parts of the body are incredibly sensitive to the areas where shots are required (abdomen, lower back, arms, thigh, vagina, uterus, and/or cervix). 

Sexual contact or any sort of physical activity can become painful and hard for the person who is undergoing treatment to get pregnant. 

 

Monotonous Sex Life

If you are an other-sex couple (sometimes called a heterosexual couple), sexual activity may become about ovulation and be scheduled on a timeline. 

As couples engage in fertility treatment, sexual intimacy may become non-existent, creating disconnection between the future parents. 

 

Disconnection

If you are a same-sex or a queer couple, sexual intimacy is taken out of creating your child. Thus fertility treatment can cause a disconnection within the romantic relationship.

Also, sometimes children are created by donors and there is no overt sexual connection involved in the creation of your child.  

 

Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety for partner’s providing sperm, having to provide sperm at a specific time each day during a certain window of time is anxiety provoking and creates extreme pressure on that partner.

 

Hormonal Shifts

Throughout any type of assisted fertility treatment hormones are used. These hormonal shifts can have massive impacts on the body (water retention, weight changes, pain, lubrication, skin issues, bloating, insomnia, decreased sex drive, excessive hair growth, etc) and emotions (low self-esteem, shame, menopause symptoms, drastic mood shifts, depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, grief, loneliness).

 

Relationship

As you can imagine, all of these things stated above can result in issues in the relationship such as increased conflict, difficulty empathizing, increased difficulty 

Fertility

communicating, disconnection, and decreased sexual and physical intimacy. 

 

Loss

People are often not prepared for the loss that often occurs during fertility treatment (loss of pregnancy, loss of fertility, and the loss of biological pro-creation). 

 

*THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ALL IMPACTS OR EVEN IDENTIFY THE FULL SCOPE OF IMPACTS OF FERTILITY. 

 

  • Fertility vs. Infertility
  • Educate
  • Couple/Partner Work
  • Name your Fear and Shame
  • Identify What You Need

So, Basically... Get Therapy

 

Moral of the story, do not downplay the impact, identify your emotions, your needs, and SEEK support! However you embark on this journey, please be sure to access supports, community, and connection. Creating a family is emotional without fertility, add fertility and it can truly be a very complex circumstance that can make you forget what your doing it for. 

If you need help, feel free to come to LCAT, we are here to help you and your loved ones through this process! This could look like couples therapy or individual therapy. Our focus in treatment would be helping guide you emotionally through the process, providing psychoeducation, communication skills, expressing your needs, engaging in self care, engaging in relationship care, and creating connections. We want to help combat shame and fear and build connections as you grow your family!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do or Make an Appointment.


Christmas sex

Why Christmas Sex is So Good

Why Christmas Sex is So Good

 

Even when people get stressed with all of the parties, the family drama and everything else, Christmas sex is one hell of a way to blow off some steam.

Christmas is a fantastic time for sex. People are in great moods, there’s a romance in the air with all of the wonderful holiday tunes and is a great time for intimate gift giving.

If you’re like us, you start to get into the holiday spirit right as December rolls around. That way, you have more fun to enjoy everything there is to love about Christmas and all the other winter holidays.

But this is a blog about intimacy, right? What’s that got to do with Christmas and feeling some holiday cheer. Well, we’re here to tell you that Christmas is a great time for love and holiday cheer shouldn’t be the only thing you’re feeling this month.

Here are some of the best reasons why Christmas sex is so good.

 

There’s Something in the Air

Unless you’re a total scrooge, you probably love the end of year holidays. As we move through December and into January, it’s a time of reflection about the year that has gone by. We feel gratitude for the people in our lives who mean so much, and we start planning how we’re going to take over in 2020.

Christmas Sex

One of the absolute best ways to show someone you care is to capitalize on the nostalgia and romance in the air with some amazing sex. If you’re in a committed relationship, Christmas sex can be about deep connections.

If you’re single, just know that other people are feeling the same draw to people around them that you are. There’s never a better time to shoot your shot. Take a chance and ask out your secret crush or that person you’ve noticed you have incredible chemistry with. You never know, you could soon be having some of the best Christmas sex of your life.

The holidays are all about showing love and receiving love. Make sure to show that special someone in your life how much you love them this Christmas.

 

Christmas Sex is Better than Yoga

Ok, so this might depend on if you LOVE yoga, but Christmas sex is one of the best stress relievers out there. When you get wound up with all the celebrating, driving, gift buying, and other activities, lock the doors so you and your partner can get a healthy sweat in. 

It’s easy for some people to get overwhelmed during Christmas. A lot is going on. Just remember to make time for yourself and your partner. Don’t neglect intimacy because you’ve got a million things on your to-do list.

Making Christmas sex a priority can turn into some of the best sex of your life! With so much built-up tension, it’s bound to play out in the bedroom or wherever you decide to let it all out. Focus the stress and channel it into the passion between you and your lover.

 

Giving Gifts in Private can be More Fun

Giving presents is one of the best perks of the holiday season. Not only is it fun to splurge a bit for the people you love, but it’s a great way to show family and friends how much you care.

Christmas is also the perfect time to give your partner something a bit spicier. When all the presents in the living room are opened, take your special someone aside and give them a gift for both of you. 

Sexy Gifts

Here are some naughty gift ideas:

  • Lingerie
  • A stack of cards that can be turned in for sexual favors
  • High-end massage oils
  • A weekend getaway without the kids
  • A vibrator or some other sex toy

Whether it’s a vibrator or some fancy handcuffs, it’ll send a clear message that you want to keep things steamy. Remember, these gifts are really for two. Hopefully, you’ll find yourself in some crazy Christmas sex before too long.

 

The Kids are Preoccupied

If you have small kids, it’s hard to find time for sex. Even older kids can make love making tough. They likely know what locked doors and noises coming from the bedroom mean. With kids, a lot of couples find that sex becomes a routine. It’s something that can only happen after kids’ teeth have been brushed and bedtime is over.

When it’s Christmas, though, you have a shot at spontaneous sex that you probably haven’t had all year. Kids are busy playing with toys, watching Christmas movies, or hanging out with friends while school is out. Don’t waste this precious opportunity! Have all the morning and afternoon sex you can. Do it in the dining room, in the laundry room, wherever.

Couples can capitalize on holiday distractions to have tremendous sex. Changing up the timing and the routine is sometimes all it takes to breathe new life into your sex life.

 

Keep It Hot Indoors While It’s Snowing Outside

In a lot of places, it’s freezing at Christmas. People are stuck indoors because it’s brutal outside. Sometimes people complain that winters are rough because they can get out and run, the days are shorter because the sun’s up less, and as a result, people can get a bit melancholy.

Christmas Sex

Use Christmas sex to beat back the winter blues. If you’re lucky enough to have a fireplace, get a fire going and set the mood. Pour some wine and turn on some music. Get close to your partner and make it happen.

Listen, there’s a reason September is the most popular birth month. In a 2017 Time article, it said that researchers at Harvard University found that between 1973 and 1999, the most common birthday was September 16. 

Yep, you guessed it, that’s nine months after Christmas

People love Christmas sex so much they’ve been using the holidays to make babies for decades.

When it’s cold outside and you feel a bit bored, there’s nothing better than some amazing Christmas sex to get you feeling right.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


they/them

They Them Beyond the Binary UPDATE!

They Them - Beyond the Binary UPDATE!

 

Today I heard some great news for those who identify as they them!

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has added they them as new pronoun and the word of the year!

This is a huge win for the non-binary and LGBTQ community.

For years, people have commented that using they/them as pronouns is “grammatically incorrect” therefore people refused to use they/them as pronouns for people who identified that way. Thus alienating many in the LGBTQ community, specifically the non-binary and gender queer folks, from their friends and family. 

This argument was hurtful and insensitive to so many who already experience daily marginalization and harm. To have Merriam-Webster add they them to the dictionary erases that argument and empowers a community who has experienced significant harm as a result. 

Making “they” the word of the year shines a light on the queer community and more specifically the non-binary community. Recently there has been more visibility for those who do not fit in the gender binary coming out such as Sam Smith, Jonathan Van Ness, and Ruby Rose. 

I applaud the company for doing the right thing AND I think there is so much more work that needs to be done to support the non-binary, gender queer, and/or gender spectrum. This is a lovely step towards progress that continues to be needed and necessary. Especially putting a spot light of people on the gender spectrum who are also black or people of color - given that most celebrities highlighted have been white people. 

Here at LCAT we value the queer community and other marginalized populations.

 

We are here to utilize an intersectional approach surrounding the multiple identities our clients (whether it be gender, culture, sexuality, trauma, ethnicity, ability, race, religion, etc.) and how to address and work with the different parts and aspects to ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Remove term: behavioral teleheath behavioral teleheath

Behavioral Telehealth

Behavioral Telehealth

I was so excited to see this article below on the future of therapy in MedCityNews.com. We have already been offering secure video chat and text therapy for several months. Online therapy is great for patients who need convenient and intensive therapy options. Additionally, patients can quickly reference discussions since the the conversations are recorded. Millennials, who do everything on their phones, really like the idea of telehealth.

Telehealth’s emergence as the initial gateway into behavioral health services

By LINDSAY HENDERSON

While in-person visits with mental health providers won’t go away anytime soon, behavioral telehealth is expected to surge. This is due to younger patients seeking convenient ways to engage with a provider to address mental health problems.

behavioral telehealth

The escalating shortage of behavioral health providers couldn’t have come at a worse time especially for millennials.

Rates of major depression rates soared 31 percent among millennials from 2014 to 2017, according to The Health of Millennials report, also noted increases in substance-use disorders among millennials.

There is a silver lining to the mental health provider shortage, which could positively impact millennials and future healthcare delivery. More patients in the 35-and-under demographic are now using telehealth — or interested in using telehealth — to meet their behavioral health needs.

Forty percent of individuals born between 1981 and 1996 who answered a recent survey said they would regularly use telehealth for behavioral health management. This is higher than any other demographic. Also, millennials are nearly three times as likely to have had a video visit with a doctor compared with other demographics.

If this trend continues, telehealth’s role as a gateway into behavioral health therapy will only deepen. This suggests that there may come a day when the majority of behavioral health encounters are over a virtual connection.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

 

 

 


Oral Sex for Woman

The Art of Oral Sex For Women or Those With Vulvas

The Art of Oral Sex For Women or Those With Vulvas

 

Some individals seem concerned when performing oral sex for women or on those with vulvas! 

Can you imagine how successfully brainwashed we are that we believe there is something extra dirty or wrong with them, simply because they are internal. 

Most women who perform oral sex on women report that they love to give it. 

Oral Sex For Woman

Yet, many discuss how difficult it is for those who are raised as girls to be patient in a world of consumerism and productivity. 

In the past ten years of therapy, I have heard thousands of stories where individuals of all socioeconomic backgrounds, race, ethnicities, education levels, socioeconomic status, and ability were telling me that their is something incredibly taboo about providing oral sex on the labia.

I have been blessed with wonderful sexual education thanks to Betty Dodson and my professor, Jim Moorhead. 

 

Educate Yourself! 

If you ever feel that your labia isn’t normal, I suggest looking at a variety of lips

If you are concerned about the smell of your genitals, remember that many people enjoy the scent of sexual organs.

Your feelings of disgust or shame around your bits may just be conditioning of society, family, your religion, or your limited exposure to the world of pleasure. 

Go under the feels of “yuck” and see if there is any part of you that can show up and receive the compliment or the gift of pleasure. 

 

Discuss Which One of Your 6 Need Is Being Met! 

Oral Sex For Woman

Examples: 

::ask your sexual partner PRIOR to giving or receiving oral sex, so that your mind can relax:: 

Can you tell me  like how it looks and how it smells. 

Validation from a partner is probably more helpful than anything you can read in my blog! 

If both of you are concerned with genital odors, try to incorporate a shower as part of the foreplay and aftercare (and, if there is a “significant odor,” and you have the privilege of affording healthcare, go to a trusted ob-gyn or a local Planned Parenthood to get checked for bacterial vaginosis).

While going down on your partner or giving oral sex, make sure you ask your partner what feels good. 

  • Get an idea of the pressure that works, the spot that is most sensitive, and what does not feel good. 
  • Make sure as the giver and the receiver, that your body is in a comfortable position. 
  • If you need to move your partner, then do so. 
  • If you have long hair, tie it out of your face. 
  • Kneel along the side of the bed if you have to. You CAN find ways to incorporate this for all body shapes and abilities. 

 

Check in Again With Your Partner Before Going In and Touching Them.

Reassure them of what mental state you are in, what your desires are, what your needs are. 

Discuss in feelings, needs, and utilizing parts cards if possible! 

Note to everyone involved, as you can receive oral sex from multiple partners at one time. 

Be sure that you are not focusing on what you look like and focus on your pleasure receiving, or you are focused on your partner’s experience while giving. 

Give positive feedback to your partner about how you are enjoying this experience. 

Verbally, with sounds, with smiles! Ask if they like dirty talk, talk about fantasies, if they want a different type of sensual touch instead of just the oral touch of mouth to vulva. 

Communicate and experiment with an open mind. The brain is the most important organ in sexual pleasure!

If You Are Nervous As The Receiver, Here Are Some Mantras To Practice: 

 

  •   I let myself to experience pleasure;
  •   I allow my sexual selves to appear;
  •   I am worthy of sexual satisfaction and connection;
  •   I am opening my life to positive sexual experiences;
  •   I feel seen in my expression of sexuality;
  •   The more I experience my own understanding of my inner parts, the more I can communicate and direct my language to the part my partner is requesting of me. 

Receiving oral sex is about the sensual art of receiving, accepting, creating, exploring, releasing, and intuitiveness. 

 

How and When To Talk To Your Partner About Changing Their Oral Sex Technique 

female anatomy

There is no “magic way” to be comfortable with the words coming out of your mouth so that your partner may hear of judge you based on what you said about sexuality. 

What I can say is that the more your practice and acknowledge that it may be uncomfortable or difficult to talk about, the more confident you can get in this type of intimate compassionate communication and conversation style. 

One partner may be more willing to engage in conversations around sex than the other, which is actually normal! 

 

Quick Tips To Address In The Moment:

  • If your partner is not hitting the right spot on your clit or is missing your clit entirely, you can say things like, “Up a little” or “To the right a little.”
  • You can adjust your body so you are in the right position. Partners, please note that if a woman adjusts her body while you are touching her, do not move your hand or mouth. Ask if she is squirming with pleasure or if she wants to move. 
  • When your partner does hit the right spot, provide positive reinforcement, like, “YES!” or “It feels so good. Stay right there,” or “YAY! This is amazing. Keep doing that.”

 

Communicating during a Sexual Encounter:

Old Way: “Stop. You always try to have sex with me too quickly.”

New Way: “It would be so hot if you touched me gently right now. I like when you tease me a little bit more before you touch my clit.”

 

Communicating outside of a Sexual  Encounter:

Old Way:  “It hurts when you have sex with me.”

New Way: “Our sex is great, and sometimes it hurts. Can we add more foreplay and lubricant before we have sex? I think if we focused on 20 minutes of body pleasure prior to penetrative sex, I could physically be engaged more. Is that of interest to you?”

You can get more free content on oral sex for woman, relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 


Doggy Style Sex

Behind the Scenes with Doggy Style Sex

Behind the Scenes with Doggy Style Sex

 

You’ve either seen it or done it, so you know why doggy style sex is such a popular position.

Doggy style sex has sat near or at the top of the sexual chart for years because it’s a delicious play on dominance and submission.

The greater freedom of movement provides ample opportunity for a killer view from behind and access for the bottom to receive either clitoral stimulation or masturbation of the shaft from the front. 

It isn’t just a “static” position either! There are a bunch of hot variations to play around with when you try this one. 

 

Doggy Style Sex is Versatile!

Basic Doggy style sex involves one partner on their hands and knees while the other partner enters from behind them. 

You can switch it up a bit by kneeling on the edge of the bed or a couch while your partner stands upright behind you or lay completely flat. 

Doggy Style Sex
Picture (From Getty)

You can angle your back and your butt up sharply, giving your partner different angles, or even control the rhythm yourself while they remain still.

Doggy style is also perfect for people who love anal sex or are just trying it for the first time

In doggy style, it’s easier to focus on penetration solely, instead of having to worry about someone’s body weight on top of you. 

Controlling your breathing and relaxing your muscles comes more naturally in the position.

 

Tips for the Bottoms in Doggy Style Sex

It’s easy to think that all you have to do is hold tight and keep the position when you’re having doggy style sex. That, however, is far from true! 

While, most of the work can come from the on-top partner, there is still a bunch you can do to make the sex incredible.

Here are some great ways to make doggy more fun for you and a blast for your partner:

 

Self-Stimulation

Doggy is great for clitoral stimulation or for jerking off the penis because you can access one of your hands for pleasure. 

Since nobody is squashed on top of you, your hands have free access to your genitals! While your partner is having a blast behind you, you can have some fun as you self-pleasure.

 

Change It Up

The way you angle your back and hips is going to completely alter the angle of penetration.

That will bring with it a bunch of different sensations that are hard to get in other positions. Trust us, your partner will love it too.

 

Submission as Empowered

Yes, some people like doggy style sex MORE because they enjoy feeling submissive during sex at times. 

However, for many, doggy style sex is a playful way to mix up the routine. Whether you want to lift yourself up by holding on to a bed frame or want your partner to stay still while you control how fast penetration goes in and out, there’s plenty for you to do.

 

Let Your Partner Know

There’s a lot you can do communication-wise during doggy style sex. You can turn your head to catch your partner’s eye or verbalize what you’d like them to do behind you. 

Let them know how your self-pleasure feels, and sometimes you can ask for a playful spank or hair pull to spice things up.

 

Now for the Tops – Here’s What to Do in Doggy Style Sex

Doggy Style Sex
Artist: EMILY SCHIFF-SLATER

When you are the partner in the back, you’re steering the ship. 

You have a bird’s eye view of what’s happening, and, hey, we know how much fun you’re having! 

Here are some hints on what you can do to make doggy style sex more fun for both of you.

 

Change Positions within the Positions

When you’re in doggy position, mix things up by lifting a leg and planting a foot down. 

With one knee down and one knee up, you’ll have better hip control for thrusting. You can lean into your partner or back away, changing how you’re entering for different sensations.

 

Move Your Legs Outside of Your Partner’s

Usually, doggy style sex involves the person behind’s legs being positioned on the inside. The partner on their hands and knees spread their legs, so their knees are naturally outside.

However, you can change it up and move your knees outside of your partner’s for a closer, tighter feel. It’s a matter of personal preference, and it is fun to try out! . 

 

Try a Bit of Consensual D/s Play

Be careful here, because not everyone is into submissive-dominant sex play.

You have to ask for enthusiastic consent.

If it isn’t a hell yes, assume it is a no! 

-Amanda Pasciucco

Experiment with some hair tugging, light back-scratching, spanking, and other forms of rough play to make things super hot.

 

Hands on the Hips or Shoulders

When you’re behind your partner, place both hands around their hips and pull them back into you as you thrust for deeper penetration.

If you can (some women topping with strap-ons report that they cannot), reach for the shoulders of the person who is bottoming. That will give you leverage. 

 

Clitoral Stimulation or Manual Masturbation

If your partner is willing to let you try, reach around and help them out with some genital stimulation. I personally believe it is best to let the bottom do this because it is a lot of coordination. However, if you can and they want you to try, go for it!

 

Other Fun Ideas for Doggy Style Sex

 

Now you have the basics and hopefully some ideas to play with for your next round of doggy. 

There’s still a lot more you can do with the position to keep exploring each other sexually.

 

For the partner in the front, try putting one or two pillows under your hips and stomach. You can lay down on them and your partner will still get a great angle from behind. 

They can grab onto the pillows and pull them close during each thrust without yanking you around too hard.

 

If you’re open to it, introduce some light BDSM with some handcuffs and let your partner take full charge of doggy style sex. 

Keep in mind that whenever you start with BDSM, you need to be clear about boundaries, so everyone feels comfortable. Again, if it isn’t a hell yes, assume a no! 

 

Doggy style sex has become incredibly popular, so much so that there are even names for varying positions within the doggy style position. 

When you have some time, explore more about what you can do with doggy style sex to make sexual intercourse hotter with lots of incredible pleasure!

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Pornosexual

Are You a Pornosexual?

Are You a Pornosexual?

 

Have you ever considered yourself a pornosexual? 

Partnered sex is one form of intimacy and self-pleasure is another. 

With the advent of the internet, many say that porn numbs out their desire to be intimate with their partner. The literature is split! Those who identify as pornosexuals feel that it is easier to get off alone and thus, they engage in this instead of desiring connection from a partner.

 

Some researchers state that if pornography with similar masturbation patterns are used long enough, it becomes the only reliable method for a person to get aroused and then achieve orgasm.

The age of losing your virginity is getting higher, and many young people who have access to pornography since a young age remain virgins. 

Those who identify as "pornosexuals," although they don’t always refer to themselves by this label, often have limited experience with intimacy, sexuality, and arousal outside of their computers and phones. 

The longer they remain with their computer, the less likely they are to even have interest in sex with another. 

If you are partnered with a pornosexual, you may understand what it is like for your partner to not understand your needs and desires. You may notice that your partner doesn’t respond emotionally or physically because they have trained themselves to orgasm in one specific way. 

Pornosexual

If you don’t know much about pornography, check out the statistics from Pornhub's 2016 Year in Review, where the site received 729 hits a second, or 64 million a day. 

A 2014 study in JAMA found 66% of men and 41% of women watch porn at least once a month. The perceived anonymity offered by free online porn has contributed to the rise of more people being a pornosexual. 

Habitually using porn as the only source of sexual pleasure can desensitize the brain's reward center. In a 2014 study, published in JAMA Psychiatry, German researchers found the level of changes in the brain correlated with the amount of porn a person watched. This means the more porn watched, the lower the activity in their brain's reward centers (after seeing sexual videos on screen).

The brain begins to require more dopamine each subsequent time it watches porn in order to feel its effects. Sometimes, the brain halts the production of dopamine and leaves the viewer wanting more without the ability to reach it. 

This can lead the person to watch more porn to replicate the same “high” they had the first time. 

Pornosexuals experience all of their sexual pleasure in isolation instead of shared. We advice that porn is not your only sexual outlet. 

 

Instead, you can channel your focus on fantasizing while self-pleasure while using your imagination. 

Porn can be helpful in exploring sexual desires, but unhealthy use can have a negative consequence on the brain. The problem isn't porn, it's the way you choose to use it. Unfortunately, porn users and those who identify as pornosexuals report purposely avoiding talking to their partner, and fear the rejection of being denied. 

 

Without wanting to experience rejection or fear, pornosexuals avoid uncomfortable situations so they do not have the opportunity to intimately connect with others. This perpetuates a cycle which makes them more self-conscious, anxious, fearful, and rejected 

 

If they are with a partner, pornosexuals identify that they would rather use online porn than work through it with their partner. At Life Coaching and Therapy, we have a great success rate of individuals who overcome this problem. Yet it is contingent on the patient's willingness to succeed.

I have been fortunate that everyone that has come through my door wanted something other than continuing being a pornosexual! If one partner came in and wanted their spouse to “stop being a pornosexual,” we would have a lower success rate.

In our therapy, we focus on the one who identifies as a pornosexual and the one dating a pornosexual. We will go over the difference in desire levels between both partners, and we will talk about fulfilling both partners needs and address the negative emotions for both partners. So, if you want to stay together, you have to find new ways to learn about each other.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 


Male Masturbation Techniques

Sex Therapist Secret Male Masturbation Techniques Revealed!

Sex Therapist Secret Male Masturbation Techniques Revealed!

 

What are your favorite male masturbation techniques?

Mine is edging, and I am going to teach you how to get longer, and stronger orgasms.

Male Masturbation Techniques

It’s time to take control back of your member!

A brief introduction into a variety of male masturbation techniques encourages conscious self-pleasuring.

In recent years, there has been a new term that has entered the sexual lexicon - a favorite one of my male masturbation techniques, according to internet research.

“Edging” is the practice of extending and intensifying the period of sexual stimulation and pleasure by delaying orgasm, specifically ejaculation.

DISCLAIMER: For the sake of brevity rather than priority, we will be limiting our conversation to humans with external genitals in the context of “male” sexuality. Please email us if you want more on masturbation techniques across the binary!

Masturbation is Good for You!

Self-pleasure is an excellent way of providing for your own needs! It is fun, self-soothing, and feels good.

Most men stumble onto this natural wonderment in puberty and joyfully or shamefully retreat to the privacy of their room and their receptive sweat socks and lotion bottles with great regularity.

No harm, no foul! 

As young men mature, so do their sexual and emotional needs, and many begin to seek out intensifying factors such as porn; and occasionally other fetishistic behaviors, like self-bondage, panty-sniffing and about a million other things, including edging. 

These patterns will certainly shape the sexual behavior and preferences for the rest of his life, occasionally in unpleasant ways. 

Male Masturbation Techniques

Masturbation is powerful in its potential to “program” our sexual behavior.

Here is where edging can be beneficial to our sexual performance when we add a partner into the mix.

Often, there is shame associated with ejaculation before your partner is ready for it. 

This shame is not helpful, so I’ll bypass the tropes and point out that, generally speaking, the ability to control orgasm and ejaculation is considered a desirable trait in a male lover, and the lack thereof would be high on the list of frustrations by people who find sex with their partners unfulfilling.

A good start is to not ejaculate until you have been masturbating for at least 20 minutes. 

This will help you develop the ability to sense and delay the onset of ejaculation with pacing, a good second step is to not allow yourself to ever stop masturbating, but rather slow down and speed up to gain even greater control. 

At more advanced levels, this will help you to develop the muscles required to delay ejaculation and maintain a firm erection even when pleasure increases or is momentarily interrupted.

There are even videos on Pornhub to assist you in this practice. 

In my opinion, most of them are too short, but they may be helpful to you (search JOI or edging challenge)! Some even have a guide sound or visual to require you to stroke at a certain intensity.

Hopefully your solitary practice of edging will benefit your sexual relations as well!

Male Masturbation Techniques

Wouldn’t it be nice to know going into a sexual encounter that you have perfect control of your own orgasm and will be able to please your partner with a mutually satisfactory experience without anxiety over orgasming too soon or that awkward feeling of being “done” when your partner is still raring to go?

So far, we have only spoken of this as a means to an end, and it can be helpful that way; however, edging with a partner can be a wonderful experience. 

It can be done as pure hedonism or with with an edge of power exchange where control of orgasm and prolonging of pleasure becomes kind of a game. 

In porn, it seems to be popular when combined with humiliation play or bondage and “ruined orgasm” videos abound where a man is made to edge over several days, or weeks even, and is then stimulated to the point of orgasm and then stimulation stops just at the onset of orgasm. 

It seems mean, but the guys don’t seem to mind - LOL.

The increased volume of semen that is often a result of edging is also a factor for some people as is the increased “horniness” that prolonged edging over days or weeks can cause. 

There are many reasons to give all of these considerations a try in your self-pleasure practice.

Have fun with your new Male Masturbation Techniques!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Amanda Pasciucco Signature

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

 Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

 LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

 Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.