rainbow

The Rainbow Flag -  The Story of “Our Rainbow” 

The Rainbow Flag - The Story of “Our Rainbow” 

One night, I was reading a book to my six-month-old daughter about the Rainbow flag (“Our Rainbow”), and I learned that each color of the flag had a meaning and representation to the community itself. 

Of course this makes sense when you think about it, but the rainbow flag was not something I had given much thought to.  

This obviously speaks to my privilege as a millennial, queer person who has been able to not have to learn the meaning because there has been some great shifts in acceptance around my identity. 

However, to many who do not have access to fly this rainbow flag freely, there is a great meaning!

So I learned, I learned from the book my six-month-old child received from my best friend. 

 

A History of the Rainbow Flag

I wanted to share what each color represents. 

First, I should share that the flag has changed over the course of time. 

At one time, it had 8 colors and then after 1979 went to 6 colors and within the last couple years there has been additions to include queer people of color. 

After a quick google, the original flag had 8 colors with meanings: 

  • pink (sex) 
  • red (life)
  • orange (healing)
  • yellow (sunlight)
  • green (nature) 
  • teal (magic) 
  • indigo (serenity)
  • violet (spirit). 

After Harvey Milk’s death in 1978, the rainbow flag increased in popularity, and due to difficulty with accessing hot pink fabric, pink was dropped from the flag. To keep it “even,” they dropped teal as well (gilbertbaker.com) to bring you the rainbow flag with the 6 colors we know now. 

The 6 colors continued to hold the same meaning they did on the previous rainbow flag creating a rainbow flag to represent various aspects of life and connect them to the queer community. 

As someone in the community, I never knew what the individual flag colors meant until I read this book. Therefore, I wanted to share it with our readers who are interested! 

Over the last several years the colors black and brown have been added to the rainbow flag. 

These colors are perhaps the most important on the flag because through these additions, the queer community is sharing love, acceptance, and the intersecting of identities and sexuality. 

Acknowledging people of color within the flag through the black and brown stripes creates significance and importance to these identities and also bringing the flag back to its original 8 stripes! 

 

Why are the Black and Brown Stripes important?

I want to say it clearly and strongly, that the addition of these two colors is integral in supporting all parts of the queer community, especially queer people of color. 

Although the queer community is marginalized in and of itself, people of color have been further marginalized within the queer community.

This is a step in overtly including people of color and acknowledging the unique contributions the various races and cultures have within our queer community. 

If you are interested in learning more about yourself and your identity, join us at Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), as we would love to support you on this journey!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Taboo Sex

How We Think About Taboo Sex

How We Think About Taboo Sex

Why is it that we feel so much anxiety about expressing our desires about taboo sex? 

Perhaps it’s because sex is usually something that’s done in private and opening up about fetishes or kinks that we are into can make us feel vulnerable.

It’s also hard to know when you’ve crossed the line...

There’s no governing body in charge of what kind of sex is OK and what’s crossing the line. You might shudder at the thought of speaking openly about what kind of sexual activity you’re into. 

One way to think about it is, how would you feel if your porn search history were to be broadcast publicly? Would you be mortified?

As a society, we’ve become conditioned along moral lines that implicitly say what’s normal and what’s taboo sex. 

If you’re into women and you’re caught searching for “hot blonde with natural tits,” you might get shoulder shrugs. If it is “foursome bondage featuring hot milf”, that may raise some eyebrows.

We’re certainly not used to dealing with the outer rings of sexual behavior. Here are some thoughts on what taboo sex is and how we should think about it and approach it.

 

The Sexual Spectrum

Some people fit in boxes, some don’t. The same sexual positions, sexual fantasies, ideal body images, etc. are so popular, because they have widespread appeal. A lot of people like big breasts or a hot guy with a big hard penis. There are, however, people with different sexual appetites.

Taboo Sex

If you’re into a sexual activity like bondage, submission, sexual humiliation, group sex, or some uncommon fetish, it’s important first to come to terms with what that means for you. Whatever your sexual inclinations, you need to make sure you find the right balance that allows you to express yourself and find fulfillment sexually, but at the same time approach sex in a way that it doesn’t negatively affect you.

 

Finding the Right Partner(s)

We’re lucky now to live in an era where we can communicate online and find people with common interests across distance. You’re not stuck anymore in your small community dealing with a limited group of people. If you want them, you can find sexual opportunities all over the place.

There are apps, groups, and other ways to find people into the same things you are. 

Taboo Sex

That’s great for you if you’re new to sexual exploration and what to find out more. Finding the right partner or partners is so important, especially when it comes to taboo sex.

First, you need to make sure you’re in a safe place. For sure, even when you’re dealing with what’s considered “normal” sex on a first date or in a new relationship, you need to be safe. On the other hand, venturing into what many people consider taboo sex can be more complicated, because you may not know the social guidelines for engagement.

If, for example, you want to give group sex a try, do your best to find someone you trust to introduce you to that world. It’s much less likely you’ll end up hurt or feel like you’ve been taken advantage of.

 

Different Types of Taboo Sex

Taboo Sex

Sexual exploration can be a wonderful experience for you and your partner(s). For many people, sex isn’t only about the physical interaction that takes place in the bedroom with the lights off. 

There’s a whole lot that feeds into the sexual experience, whether it be power dynamics, connecting with experience or emotion from a different stage of your life, or releasing emotions or feelings you repress in your everyday life.

Here are some of the common types of taboo sex and what they involve:

 

Bondage

Bondage is a common form of sexual power play where one partner ties up, handcuffs, or otherwise restricts the movement of the other. Some people get extremely turned on by a feeling of being dominated or helpless. Likewise, others enjoy being the dominant sexual partner.

 

Humiliation

Erotic humiliation is a consensual activity that involves some form of humiliation that triggers sexual arousal. Often it involves sexual roleplay like you or your partner kneeling and performing humiliating tasks. Humiliation can also involve punishments that are meant to turn you or your partner on.

 

Group Sex

This is a bit less taboo than humiliation or bondage, but that’s mainly because it’s featured more regularly in movies or sexual fantasies. 

Still, group sex is considered taboo, because sometimes it involves people you may not know. It can also mean more than just three people.

 

Partner Sharing

This is sometimes called cuckolding and refers to when you or your partner will ask another person, stranger or friend, to have sex with your partner. Some people experience sexual arousal watching or knowing their partner is having sex with someone else.

 

Fetishes

Fetish is generally believed to be something you or someone else can’t get sexually aroused without. 

That might sound tame enough, yet fetishes vary widely, and they usually involve something that’s not usually thought to be sexual like feet or eating during sex. Some people have a fetish that involves ruining their orgasm just as it’s about to happen.

 

You Only Live Once

If you’re completely satisfied with your sex life, I’m not telling you to go out and try a little humiliation sex to see if it’s for you. A lot of the time, people know they’re into some form of taboo sex, but stop themselves from trying it out of fear of being judged or shamed.

That’s not good news. What you’ll end up with is life feeling sexually frustrated. And it’s not just you that it affects. Your partner will be able to sense that something’s wrong. If you’re into one of the above taboo sexual behaviors, or something else I haven’t covered here, the best thing you can do is come to grips with it.

Bondage

Repeat after me, as long as it’s consensual behavior between two adults, then it’s not out of bounds. Remember, sex is about fun, it’s playful, it’s hot, and it’s complicated. We’ve come a long way in the past few decades removing the stigma from a lot of what’s considered taboo sex. The more willing you are to think about it and accept any kinks you might have, the further you’ll go. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Perfect Sex Getaway

Secrets to Your Perfect Sex Getaway

Secrets to Your Perfect Sex Getaway

 

Long-time couples know the power of a sex getaway all too well. You’re not worried about the headboard slamming against the wall waking the kids up. 

It’s a chance to let loose and moan a little louder. Sex getaways are also the best way to shake free of the “Wednesday night sex routine” rut we all run into from time to time.

The sex getaway is also the perfect way to level up with someone you’ve just started dating. If you feel like you want to try something new or mess around with some ideas in the sack, then the getaway is the best way to let your partner know.

Don’t take things for granted and think that your partner will know what’s going on just because you booked a nice hotel room for the weekend. You’ve got to do more work to make sure things go off smoothly.

Take some time and plan the sex getaway. Here are a few tips you can try to have some of the best sex of your life.

 

Your Sexual Itinerary

Planning a sex getaway with your partner is a big opportunity because it gives you both the space to explore. You’re taken out of the day to day environment where you’re stressed about work, kids’ activities, or the finances.

Don’t leave things up to chance, though. Put some thought into what you want to accomplish and experience while the two of you are alone. You can make it like a mini sexual workshop where you can try new things and get to know each other more deeply.

Set up a playbook that lists the days’ activities. For example, you can start by arranging to meet at a nice restaurant separately and have fun with a bit of roleplaying. You and your partner can list out new products like lubes, vibrators, or handcuffs that you want to try out. Work in some sensual activities like massaging each other when you’re not having sex.

 

Let the Beat Build

On your sex getaway or your first one at least, start slowly to build a foundation. If you’ve been married for years and have never had anal sex, it will catch your partner off guard if you walk into the hotel room and announce your intentions to attack their behind.

Instead, start with the basic positions and sexual interplay you’re both used to. The first time you have sex will already be more fun and interesting because you’re in a new setting. Make sure you compliment your partner and encourage them to move here, a kiss there, and get comfortable expressing themselves. That will help rev things up for later on in the trip.

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Push the Boundaries

Look, everyone has sexual fantasies. It’s all about how comfortable we are expressing them. When we’re in the throes of our busy lives, it’s easy to just blow off our deep thoughts about sex because we think we have more important things to worry about. 

After all, the sex we’re having already is pretty great anyway, right?

A sex getaway gives you the chance to level up and push the boundaries of you and your partner’s sexual relationship. Sex is one of the most fulfilling pieces of any bond between people. The closer you become in your intimacy, it will play out in other aspects of your relationship and life!

Use the getaway to try out new positions, power dynamics, and whatever else is your fancy. The getaway creates a safe space where you can try new things and see if they work for you. If not, then hey, they can be left behind in the hotel room after you leave.

 

Perfect Sex GetawayUse Your Imagination to Create Scenarios

Everyone loves a weekend at the Four Seasons and boozy brunch with their lover. If you book the upscale sex getaway, you’re going to score some major points for sure. However, it doesn’t have to be the same thing all the time. The next thing you know, you’ll be in the sex getaway rut just like your sex routine at home!

Use the sex getaway to craft specific scenarios that can play out and let your sexual imagination fly. Try whatever has the best chance to shake you from the tried and true positions and interplay with your partner. If you’re in the city, book a weekend ranch getaway where you can pretend to be ranch hands. Go out of town further and role play that you’re having an illicit affair.

Each scenario will be driven by you and your partner’s sexual fantasies. Remember, some people dream about getting bent over a rickety bed in a seedy motel along the freeway. Rose petals in the jacuzzi tub and Moet are great yet not for everyone all the time.

 

Pick Up the Pace A Bit - No Excuses!

Make sure a sex getaway is just that. Have all the trips to Miami on the weekend you can manage. We’re not trying to tell you that you can’t have normal vacations. This shouldn’t be one of them, though.

And don’t let how long you’ve been married or your age slow you down. “But we’re good with sex once a week” you might say. That’s fine, and do your best to let your sex getaway be mainly about sex! Yes - I said sex! 

Whatever your normal frequency is, try to pump things up a bit on your getaway to get the romantic juices flowing and give yourselves a boost going forward.

When you’re not knocking boots, fill your time with touch and intimate communication. Learn more about yourself and your partner’s sexual desires so you can have a more fulfilled intimate relationship when it’s time to go home.

Remember, small details will make a huge difference. Make sure you have a sex playlist on your phone to plug in when things start steaming up. Share the itinerary with your partner so they know what’s in store, and let them help plan the trip if that’s what they’re into. The sex getaway can be your gateway into incredible sex more often.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


LGBTQ in the Media Over the Past 3 Decades

LGBTQ in the Media Over the Past 3 Decades

 

Over the course of the last 30 years there has been a noticeable shift in the representation of individuals who identify as LGBTQ in the media. 

 

The 90’s and Early 2000s

As I was growing up in the 90’s and early 2000’s, there were some “gay” characters. Characters were typically gay or lesbian if any representation, and sometimes bisexual. 

Often characters at this time were used as comic relief and were not seen as serious.

Characters who identified as LGBTQ in media had stereotypical presentations and were usually side kicks or in the background. Stereotypes such as men being overly feminine, women being overly masculine. These characters were seen to be comic relief and characters with no substance. 

I learned that people were either gay or straight, and if bisexual people were included, they were shown to be promiscuous or confused. 

I watched people in these roles get made fun of and heard comments shaming those in the LGBTQ community. 

However, when Ellen came out on her show in the 90’s, the world would be forever changed! Ellen’s career took a drastic turn after coming out, resulting in her being shamed within pop culture. 

This showed queer people everywhere the social consequences of coming out and being authentically yourself. 

I think it is important to note systemically at this time, the Defense of Marriage Act was being signed into action - limiting marriage between a man and a woman, thus making it impossible for those of the same sex or gender to become legally married. 

Furthermore, what little representation there was of those on the gender spectrum were limited and often misused. Often times, main male characters dressed up as women to be “funny,” yet rarely anyone who actually within the queer community. 

If anything, at times you would see drag queens in the background of more mainstream shows at parties main characters were attending. It was rare that you saw a non-binary or transgender character within the media at all

Although there was much negative representation of those identifying LGBTQ in the media, “Will and Grace” was a notable transitional show in highlighting queer people in main stream, heteronormative culture. 

Straight and queer people both adored this comical sitcom. 

Additionally, shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Queer as Folk, and the L Word also made appearances showing queer people as main characters. 

Many beloved starter packs for queer millennials as they began to come out! 

 

The Obama-Era

As the LGBTQ movement progressed post 2008, there became more shows that included LGBTQ individuals in the media and on television. 

Shows in the mainstream like Glee highlighted the queer community in more positive ways, celebrating various identities within the LGBTQ community. 

LGBTQ in the Media
Ellen DeGeneres receives the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Ex President Obama.

Celebrities like Lady Gaga, Ellen, and others began to be out publicly in ways that many queer people young and old were able to relate to. 

In Obama’s presidency, we saw some massive changes in the legal system around adoption rights, marriage rights, and protections in various states surrounding sexuality and gender identity. Further supporting growth for LGBTQ individuals to be more present in the media. 

 

YASSSSSSSSS QUEEN: Now

Now in the age of Ru Paul, Queer Eye, and Orange is the New Black, there are countless shows, celebrities, and LGBTQ icons. 

LGBTQ in the Media
RuPaul by David Shankbone

Those who identified as LGBTQ in the media were once seen as a comic relief or shameful, and now are getting more air time and being celebrated. 

This includes people who identify outside the gender binary. There are more and more celebrities coming out as non-binary or gender queer such as Janelle Monae, Jonathan Van Ness, Sam Smith, and Miley Cyrus. 

Furthermore, there are many individuals in the media showing allyship and speaking out in support of the queer community. 

There seems to be a cultural shift allowing those on the queer spectrum and their allies to be able to create a varied experience of queer people in the media. There still is work to be done to include more people of color within media representation as LGBTQ characters and people in the media continue to be more seen.

Breaking down barriers and stereotypes helps diversity us and create a vibrant community!. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


video chat therapy

Video Chat Therapy Bringing Therapists to You

 

Video Chat Therapy Bringing Therapists to You

 

Anyone who’s been to a therapist session generally becomes a therapy evangelist and we continue this by bringing Video Chat Therapy to you! 

You tell all your friends how great it is to have someone trained to listen and guide you through past trauma, marital issues, and sex therapy. Opening up and working through problems is a freeing process that, unfortunately, too few people know.

The initial meeting with a therapist is the hardest part. Once you make an appointment, you start a journey of exploration and healing that often is not possible alone. 

Some people, for several reasons, are hesitant to meet and talk with therapists.

Therapists are responding to client concerns and increasing their outreach by making video chat therapy sessions available to everyone. 

Now, practices around the country, and the world, are meeting with clients via video conference. They’re talking to them when they’re on vacation and work trips. 

They’ll meet with you if you’re more comfortable in the privacy of your home.

There’s a lot to consider when you’re looking for a therapist or thinking about starting sessions. Video conference capability is just one more piece of the puzzle. Here we discuss some of the main benefits of video therapy sessions and why they may work for you.

Video Chat Therapy

 

If You’re Apprehensive About Meeting

It’s perfectly understandable why you might feel anxious about going to see a therapist. I mean, we’ve all been there. For most of us, the first few times we walk into our therapist’s office can be uncomfortable. “Will I see someone I know there?” “How can I simply open up about my feelings to a stranger?” These are all reasonable feelings to experience.

One of the great benefits of video chat therapy is that there’s a low barrier to entry. It’s easier to say yes to making an appointment, and you’ll enter the session more relaxed because you’re in your home, or someplace else comfortable. You might even feel it’s easier to open up to your therapist because you’re not physically face to face.

 

You Can Meet with a Therapist Earlier

Meeting over the phone or through a computer also prevents the issue of problems festering for too long. You don’t have to wait until you’re close to the edge to schedule an appointment with a therapist. So many couples walk through our door when they're desperate. Whether they’re dealing with sex issues or struggling with money, too often they come in so frazzled that therapy is a last-ditch effort to salvage the relationship.

Video chat therapy

The ease with which you can meet with your therapist via video chat means you don’t have to wait until things get dire. You can reach out to them as soon as something comes up and deal with it appropriately before it grows into something larger.

 

You Might Have a Reluctant Partner

Say you’ve been meeting with a therapist for weeks or even years. By now, you’re probably a huge advocate of counseling and how it can help your development. But what about your partner?

Frequently, couples come into therapy sessions with one partner dragging the other in by their collar. For whatever reason, they may not be a believer. Perhaps they had a bad experience in the past that soured them to therapy. Maybe they did marriage counseling years ago but now they’re back where they were. Those feelings are also understandable.

You have to realize that every relationship ebbs and flows. Sometimes you’re the one keeping the two of you together, and sometimes your partner is picking you up off the floor. Video chat therapy is a great way to ease a reluctant partner in speaking with your counselor.

You can meet when you want, in a non-threatening environment. If tensions are running high, you can even three-way conference from separate locations.

 

Doing Your Research to Find the Right Therapist

If you’re in a state of panic or high-stress, you may be tempted to reach out to the closest, quickest therapist around. That works sometimes, but it can certainly backfire as well. Every therapist has a different background. They focus on different specialties and bring their own life experiences into their work. All of those factors will impact how things go in your sessions.

If you’re dealing with past trauma from serious childhood abuse, then a marriage counselor may not be the best fit. You need to spend time finding a therapist who is qualified to help you and work with you to manage what you’re dealing with.

You should also check to ensure therapists you’re considering are appropriately licensed and allowed to practice in your state. That’s a big issue with video chat therapy because it could present legal complexities if you’re living in a state where your therapist isn’t allowed to practice.

One thing a lot of practices do to help is conducting a brief written or verbal consultation to find out what you’re looking for. They also use this initial conversation to get an idea of your background, personality, and what kind of therapist would match well with you.

That’s a lot more personal of an approach than selecting someone off a website. You’ll come into the first session knowing that this person has been selected for you based on your stated criteria, and they’ll have a baseline understanding of what you need.

 

The Trend is Promising

Research suggests that video chat therapy is exposing more people to therapy and counseling help than ever before. Some popular video therapy practices report that the majority of their clients have never had counseling before. That means the fact that you can meet over video chat makes you more inclined to speak to a therapist and deal with stress, anxiety, or whatever else you’re managing.

At Life Coaching and Therapy, our clinicians are trained in systemic therapy and sex therapy! Every therapist has a Master’s or Doctoral degree in their field and is accredited by their state’s board, with at least 3 years and over 5,000 hours of clinical experience. Video chat therapy may be new to you yet with our professionalism, it will feel comfortable!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.