How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

 

We are here to give you strategies on how to save your marriage from a doomed fate. 

There comes a point in marriage when things start to turn a bit sour, and your relationship or marriage ceases to be the ‘happily ever after setting’ it once was. 

At such junctures, where the intimacy you once had with your partner starts to fizzle out, there are a few ways we want to teach you on how to save your marriage: 

  • Focus on positives 
  • Don’t live in the past
  • Don’t forget the good
  • Talk and listen to your spouse
  • Be determined and seek help
  • Learn when to end the marriage

 

Focus on Positives

Your marriage may not be as bad as it seems. Surely, there has got to be an element of positivity still present in your relationship with your spouse.

However, with the myriad of negativities currently overwhelming you, these good sides may be difficult to recognize. Here comes the effort you’ll be making to save your marriage – paying more attention to the good parts.

So, instead of being upset that your spouse is not making as much effort in footing the bills as you are, be grateful that they are also trying their best to see that the bills are paid.

 

Don’t Live In the Past

Maybe your marriage ceased to be blissful after you discovered a not-so-pleasant-thing about your spouse. It could also be that somebody cheated or disrespected the other. Whatever the case may be, you have to let go – if saving your marriage is your goal.

If you keep dwelling on what was done to you in the past, you may never get to experience a blissful future in your marriage. Accept whatever has happened between you and your spouse, forgive, and stay committed to the course of trust and intimacy.

How to Save Your Marriage 

Don’t Forget the Good Things of Yesterday

You must indeed learn to forget whatever hurt you in the past to save your marriage. Yet the things that brought sunshine to your union should not be forgotten with the past.

In fact, conflict and the arrival of children can sometimes get in the way of the intimate things you did with your spouse early in your marriage. Now maybe the right time to start doing those things again.

What are those things you did with your spouse that got you attracted to them? What did they do to brighten your existence, and make you appreciate them more?

This point is the best time for you and your partner to remember those things, and work your way around reviving them in your relationship.

 

Talk to Your Partner and Listen to Them

Sometimes, what you think is a huge, deliberate effort to offend you may be a simple omission by your partner. They may not even be aware of the void that is gradually replacing the love in your marriage.

To help salvage trust and friendship in your marriage, try talking with your partner, and listen to what they have to say. When they open up about their view towards the matter, also make effort to see things from their perspective. This way, you’ll avoid assumptions and re-establish a partnership with your spouse.

 

Be Determined Not to Let Go

At the point where a marriage starts to need fixes and salvage, it can be quite difficult not to think about ending it. Yet if you would rather learn how to save your marriage, you will have to be strongly determined to do so.

You and your partner have to both understand that marriages – just like every other human relationship – will experience tough periods and moments without harmony.

This understanding will help you to stay committed to the institution of marriage even when it seems like the hardest thing to do.

How to Save Your Marriage

 

It Could be Time to Lean Away

When your spouse is no longer meeting your clear expectations, trust and intimacy may dwindle in your marriage. Similarly, if you are overly dependent on your partner, you may start to feel neglected when they frequently fail to meet your needs.

At this point, it will be wise to lean away – not disconnect.

Start to think about doing some of those things yourself, and also consider the fact that your partner is a human being too. It could be that the responsibility is simply weighing them down, and it may not have crossed their minds to talk to you about it.

 

Maybe You Need to Change

One interesting thing about conflict – in marriage, and life – is that the blame is always on the other person. Only a few people would first consider looking inward in a bid to settle a conflict.

If you’re out to save your marriage in the face of a dilemma, try to consider the different ways you could be doing things wrongly. Maybe your responses at different instances were somewhat uncalled for. Or you are probably expecting too much of your spouse.

Simply take out some time to properly analyze the role you’re likely playing to alleviate the state of things in your marriage.

 

Take a Break If You Need to

Without considering or threatening your spouse with divorce, you may want to consider giving your partner some time to come around. Ideally, this period shouldn’t be unreasonably long, and should not come as a way of paying your spouse in their own coin.

Simply consider this break as a time for you and your partner to think deeply about your relationship. It should also be a time to reevaluate and restructure things in your marriage.

 

Think about the Future

Your spouse and their behavior may not be reason enough for you to pick up the pieces of your marriage. Your children, the things you’ve built together, as well as the plans you have for the future can give you the strength to do so.

Think about the effects a divorce or separation would have on your kids and your intended future. In the end, you’ll realize that separation may not be the right answer to your marital troubles.

 

Conclusion

Marriage is a union between two adults – who, ideally, are mature enough to decide as they committed on their wedding day. Hence, the decision to save your marriage can be made and worked upon by you and your partner.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Post Election Stress and Using Compassionate Communication

Post Election Stress and Using Compassionate Communication 

 

If you haven’t read part 1 of our post election stress series, please click here

Post election stress is here to stay as we transition administrations. 

In the meantime, we will give you our specific examples on how to communicate during this time. 

 

Use Compassionate and Non Violent Communication

If you work with me or others at our practice, you have probably heard about Non-Violent (or Compassionate) Communication (NVC). If you have not, look it up! 

Great resources on ways to learn to communicate differently and in a way that our culture has not done a great job developing. Marshall Rosenberg wrote books on it and there is a website

The premise of NVC is to be able to communicate more compassionately, kindly, and effectively. 

This is recommended in being able to take accountability for our role, acknowledge our feelings, be respectful, and set boundaries or make requests. 

So the “I feel ______________ when (insert experience or concern of behavior) and am wondering if you would be willing to ______________ (needs, boundary or request).” 

post election stress

Using NVC focuses on using “I statements” to reduce blame, acknowledge our role, and build ways to understand through identifying our own needs. 

This helps us communicate with those around us and be able to slow conversations down through engaging in validation and reflective listening. 

Again, this is NOT about agreeing with someone, it is about being able to sit in discomfort and still hear another person.

Does this mean that if someone is sharing something harmful and is continuing to cause harm that I keep having the conversation or the relationship? NO. 

If you are in a conversation and you are doing suggestions from Part 1 and Part 2 of this blog, and there is a lack of respect, kindness, or compassion - you have a clear right to set a boundary using NVC and remove yourself, if necessary. 

There are times where we do everything we can to facilitate and engage appropriately and it is just not okay for us to continue. This is where you can request space, time, or boundaries around the conversation. 

 

Real Examples of How You Can Apply This:

Some of my clients have set boundaries around not speaking about politics. 

Some have a system in place where they say a code word when things become heated and take 20-30 minutes to de-escalate alone and then return and try to continue the conversation and then rinse and repeat until they get through it. 

Some of my clients set timers and engage in an activity called “active listening” where one person speaks, the other listens, when the speaker is done they validate through reflecting back what the speaker said, then the speaker identifies if they felt heard, then if they do they reverse roles, and if they don't, then they clarify what they were missing. 

Some of my clients have chosen to stop having relationships indefinitely or for a set amount of time (space) from the relationship. Some have ended relationships completely. 

Whatever you decide to do, I think it is important that you are responding rather than reacting. Responding is thoughtful, conscious choices vs reacting which is acting abruptly or without conscious thought. I usually encourage people to engage in these tips before making such a decision, unless there is an issue of safety or abuse or significant harm being done. 

Unsurprisingly, I also recommend engaging in therapy if that feels right for you, as a way to figure out what you might need so that your decision is indeed coming from a responsive vs. reactive place.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


How Long Does It Take For A Person To Fall In Love

How Long Does It Take For A Person To Fall In Love

How Long Does It Take For A Person To Fall In Love

 

You are probably here asking “how long does it take for a person to fall in love” or how long does it take to fall in love with someone?

Address the most common question of “how long does it take to fallin love ” or and is it different for a woman to fall in love vs how long it takes for a man to fall in love?

In this video, we will give you the answer on how long does it take to fall in love with someone, and answering this common question.

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining us for this.

I hope after getting the answer on how long does it take for a person to fall in love, you will use this to better your life!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Cosmo, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR "BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNICATION" GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

Say hi on social:

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If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

 

The 2020 post election anxiety has contributed to an incredibly stressful time for many of us. 

As we gear up for the holiday season during COVID, I thought it pertinent to write about ways to communicate about post election anxiety with various individuals around many important topics.

Most of my sessions the last week or two (minimum) have focused predominantly on the election:

  • whether that was the stress of the outcome
  • human rights concerns 
  • communication on different perspectives and opinions with those around them
  • fear of police brutality
  • fear of civil war or violence within communities
  • issues surrounding boundaries. 

Although I could write a whole post about the election itself and the various observations I have, I imagine that it would be more helpful to hear tricks and tips to navigate this rather than to hear me “rant.” 

 

Check yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Most of all, it is important to remember to check your privilege. 

What do I mean by that? 

Well, the more privilege you have, the more difficult it may be for you to relate to someone who has a different privilege status (i.e a different set of barriers). 

For instance if you are a white, cisgender, middle class, heterosexual woman, you have a different level of privilege compared to someone who is a multiracial, transgender man who lives pay check to pay check. 

I share this because for people of various communities, there were significant policy and human rights issues on the line. 

So if you are coming from different privilege spaces it's important for you to notice if safety was on the ballot for you this year. 

Safety can look like the right to marry, the right to walk on the street, financial security, health care, rights over your body, etc. 

There are many examples, and these are just BRIEF examples of what that might look like.

I share this because so many of my clients have shared either struggling to understand some levels of reactivity from certain people in their lives or the lack of understanding and compassion. 

One of the main issues I have seen are clients feeling like people are not understanding the level of safety and harm that can be done with specific policies. 

So please be aware that recognizing your privilege in conversations is important

 

Take a Deep Breath… Slow Down!

In heated conversations it is important to to take a deep breath and I tell many of my clients “slow the F*** down.” 

I say this because when we are not breathing, we are literally unable to hear or speak in a way that is effective or productive. 

Our body literally starts to go into survival mode which depending on our lived experience can throw us into what I like to call a “trauma tornado” or get you a “ticket on the trauma train” which is my silly way of saying a “trauma spiral.” 

Breathing is so important. So just breathe. Post Election Anxiety

Slow down. 

Take a breathe (inhale) for 1….2….3….4. 

And hold it for 1….2….3….4. 

Then exhale breath for 1….2….3….4. 

Then hold for 1….2….3….4. 

If you practice this daily, it will help you have more control over your body and breath, and thus, it will allow you to engage in the moment in diaphragmatic breathing. 

In my experience (personally and professionally), when we do not do this we lose our ability to remain in the conversation and be within our integrity. 

 

Seek to Understand Rather than Be Understood

This one is a little bit complicated and nuanced as the first one was. 

Seek to understand means to ask questions and use curiosity. 

If you are in a curious space, you are able to be in a space of learning which puts your brain in a different focus and allows you to try to understand (not agree) with whomever you are speaking with. 

When we seek to understand, people can feel less defensive or critical.

When people are in a defensive or critical position we are leaning into an argument style of communication or what will likely be an ineffective conversation. 

When we seek to understand, we seek to collaborate with who we are working with, rather than convincing someone. 

So often in therapy, I watch people act as if I am the judge and they are in front of me and each other to convince the other that they are right. 

When we are focused on being right rather than understanding no one “wins.” And again if we are focused on “being right” or “winning” the argument that is not about connection or compassion that is about disconnection, shame, and/or rejection. Also, if we are focused on winning or only being understood… that is not usually helpful or productive.

Validation. It's a buzz word in our culture and in therapy. And this is a BIG part of seeking to understand rather than be understood. Validation is about hearing the other person NOT AGREEING. 

Let’s say that again for those in the back…

Validation is about hearing and understanding someone's perspective. NOT AGREEING.

So validating someone’s perspective is not agreeing with their point of view. At.All. It is about showing the person that you were listening and not just in your head thinking about a response (Guilty! I have done that… not my best strategy!). Validation is reflecting back to someone what they said in order to show that you are listening… or seeking to understand them.

The reason these things are important is because it allows the conversation the best opportunity and chance to not end in an explosion.

If you are still with us and want to learn more, stay tuned for our Friday download about how to communicate when you have post election stress.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


anal orgasm

How To Have An Anal Orgasm

How To Have An Anal Orgasm

 

If you’ve only ever seen an anal orgasm in a movie or in porn, you may think that the only way to have one is penetrative anal sex.

If anal sex is intimidating to you or you just don’t like it, you’ll be happy to know that there are many ways to have an anal orgasm!

 

First Thing’s First: Keep It Clean!

Personal hygiene is always important, and feeling clean before getting dirty can help you focus on your anal orgasm. You don’t want to be distracted because you’re worrying about cleanliness!

It may surprise you, however your butt is likely as clean as the rest of your body, so be as clean as is comfortable for you and your partner.

A baby wipe is a fast way to refresh your anal area quickly, and you can keep an individually wrapped one in your pocket or purse.

Hair is a reality of being a mammal, and we all have different amounts of hair on our buttocks, cracks and around the anus. Unwanted hair can be (carefully) shaved, waxed or plucked, though it can take some manoeuvring  if you’re taking the DIY route.

There’s also a common misconception that if you are wanting to engage in anal play of any kind you need to avoid eating certain foods or use an enema. There is usually very little fecal matter in the rectum as it is usually stored in the colon. If you’ve have a bowel movement the day of sex, you’re probably just fine. If you’d like, you can irrigate the rectum with a home enema kit. Again, it is up to you and your partner to decide what level of cleanliness you’re both comfortable with.

If certain foods upset your stomach, simply try to avoid them if you anticipate any anal action.

 

Get Comfortable

Having any kind of orgasm, including an anal orgasm, requires a level of comfort and arousal. As you know, that can be easier said than done, especially if you’re going into new territory!

Despite what porn might make you believe, anal orgasms can happen through gentle, sensual stimulation as well as from more aggressive penetration- it is all about personal preference and learning what you like. This means communication before the fact about no-go zones, and continuous

 

So…How Do I Have An Anal Orgasm?!

Half the battle of achieving an anal orgasm is the willingness to experiment and find out what you like! There are so many different ways to play with the anal area, so read ahead and see what might be appealing to you and your sexual partner or partners.

 

External vs Internal Stimulation…or Both!

People achieve any kind of orgasm differently, and having an anal orgasm is no exception. There are so many options available for your level of comfort and what you find pleasurable. You may find that you have an anal orgasm through penetration, or maybe you require purely external stimulation. Maybe you need both. Try some things out and have some fun!

 

Non-Penetrative Options

You don’t have to have any penetration at all to potentially enjoy an anal orgasm. You can achieve orgasm with these activities:

  •   Rimming: Basically, oral sex for your ass. Your partner can lick you as gently or firmly as you desire, or even stick their tongue into your anus to stimulate those sensitive nerve endings. Just make sure the area is clean to their level of comfort, and that they do not perform oral on your genitals or kiss afterwards without using antibacterial mouthwash first.

  •   Toys: vibrating toys are a LOT of fun and a great way to ease into anal stimulation if both parties are feeling uncertain. A simple bullet vibe will work ONLY if you don’t use it for penetration. If you think you might be open to having the toy go in, even a little bit, find a toy with a flared base. Riding crops and feathers can be used to tease the area or for spankings without venturing directly to the anus, rather focusing on the buttocks.

 

Penetrative Options

Did you know people with vaginas have A-spots? And you can stimulate the G-spot anally? It’s true! Ever heard of the P-spot? That P stands for prostate, and people assigned male at birth have them. All of these specific spots can be stimulated through penetration with toys, fingers, or anything you want to put in there.

Remember, if you are engaging in penetrative anal play, you need to try and relax the sphincter of your anus, so the experience is more enjoyable. Lots of foreplay, lots of lube, and lots of communication!

 

P-spot

  •   Known medically as the prostate
  •   People assigned male at birth have a prostate
  •   Located 2 inches into the rectum, on the front wall
  •   The prostate will feel like a small, firm bulb. It will feel distinctly different than the rest of the area.
  •   BONUS: you can actually stimulate the prostate indirectly by stimulating the perineum, or the taint.
  •   Make sure you use toys with a flared base to avoid losing them inside the rectum.
  •   Always wash your hands after anal play before touching other genitals or your face/eyes/mouth.

 

A-spot

  •   The anterior fornix or a-spot is 5-6 inches deep into the vagina.
  •   Feels similar to the G-spot to the touch but deeper
  •   People assigned female at birth have an anterior fornix
  •   The A-spot can be stimulated from penetrating the rectum
  •   BONUS: The g-spot can be stimulated from the rectum, too! Think of it like finding the “back” side of the g-spot; similar location an inch or so inside, just stimulating it from the other side.

 

Toys

  •   Butt plugs: You can purchase these in varying gauges so you can “train” yourself to accommodate larger penetrating objects. Use some lube designed for anal play, and enjoy the feeling of just having something in there. It can be a way to feel out the sensation of something in the area without any bells and whistles or movement. Though a vibrating plug can be a real treat for all parties involved!
  •   Double pronged dildos: For folks with vaginas, a double pronged dildo or vibrator can be a fun way to explore double penetration, stimulating your vagina and rectum simultaneously. Many people find this incredibly pleasurable, and it is likely because of stimulating the A-spot and G-spot from both sides. As always, use lots of lube!

 

If Its Not Happening…

Not everyone can enjoy an anal orgasm, no matter how comfortable they are. Remember, we are not robots: it isn’t as simple as pressing the right button to get an anal orgasm, or any orgasm! Even if you don’t achieve a full anal orgasm, anal play can be a fun and pleasurable activity to throw into your sex life for some variety and adventure.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Telehealth Counseling

How Popular is Telehealth Counseling Right Now?

How Popular is Telehealth Counseling Right Now?

 

Telehealth counseling is something that has been around for a few years, however it was not widely used. With the pandemic, that has changed significantly. 

According to the Centers for Medicaid and Medicare Services, telehealth counseling services went up by 2532% in March through June 2020 compared to 2019. That is a giant leap! An increase like that doesn’t just mean that telehealth counseling went up because regular counseling went down, it also means that people are in much more need of counseling than ever before. The stresses of 2020 are causing people without previous mental health concerns to seek help, and those already in treatment to need their services more than ever.  

 

Obvious Factors

Even if there hadn’t been any changes to regulations, there would likely be a sharp increase in demand for telehealth counseling based on world events alone. 

The pandemic has triggered a lot of anxiety, depression and loneliness due to the necessary isolation, the changing information as we learn more about COVID19, and the socio-economic fallout of lockdown. 

More people are having mental health crises and are in need of counseling, so it makes sense that more people would be seeking help, and due to the nature of the pandemic it must be done remotely. 

 

Legal Factors

Prior to the pandemic, telehealth counseling and other telehealth services were quite limited in their reach. Usually, telehealth counseling would be limited to rural areas, and insurance companies had strict rules about what could be reimbursed. As a result, many therapists chose not to offer these services. 

There was and is valid concern about patient privacy. We all heard the stories early in the pandemic of workplace meetings or virtual classes being bombarded by internet trolls acting inappropriately, though this has lessened as Zoom has tweaked its security vulnerabilities. 

Now, you don’t even have to have a therapist from your own state and in all likelihood your telehealth counseling will be covered by insurance. The loosening of regulations by CMS and individual insurance providers was done to give people access to telehealth services during this stressful time and allow more frontline workers to focus on pandemic response. 

 

What are the Advantages of Teleheath Counseling?

  • Convenience: Prior to COVID19, if you had an appointment with a counselor you would have to drive or commute to their office, park, wait for your appointment, then drive back home or to work. Anyone who has ever encountered a mental health crisis knows that sometimes even rolling out of bed can feel impossible, so removing those additional steps between you and your appointment can help you attend your sessions more regularly. 

  • Safety: with the pandemic still raging, telehealth counseling provides you the same benefits of in-person appointments without the risk of viral transmission. It also means you don’t have to drive on icy roads or other inclement weather if you are able to have your appointment at home. 

  • Comfort: You can have your appointment in any room and in any outfit you choose! Lay down in bed, or your comfy couch in your favorite pj’s. Your therapist won’t judge, and you never know, they may be in their favorite pj’s too! Plus, you can have snacks, light a delicious smelling candle, and really make your hour about self-care. Feel free to make your environment as enjoyable as you need for your appointment. 

  • Accessibility: If your community is lacking in counseling services, telehealth counseling during COVID19 allows you to seek help from therapists in other communities or even other states. 

 

How Does it Benefit the Therapist? 

  • Safety: in a typical day, a therapist may see half a dozen unique individuals each day. That is a large circle of people, not to mention co-workers, office staff and any family members who may be waiting in the lobby. During a pandemic, it makes sense to reduce the amount of people we are exposed to and offering telehealth counseling is an easy way to drastically reduce risk of exposure to COVID19. 

  • Wider reach: A great part of my job is meeting so many different people and helping them live their best lives. Telehealth counseling helps therapists meet a wider range of people, and help people who may not otherwise have access to counseling services. 

  • Convenience: Your therapist is a person too, and who doesn’t love avoiding a long commute before and after work? While workloads for us have been heavy during the pandemic, less travel time means more time to fit in new patients. Telehealth counseling gives us more flexibility, giving us more opportunities to fit to your schedule. 

 

What to Expect 

If you’ve ever had a regular counseling session, a telehealth counseling session will be almost exactly the same, except from the comfort of your own home. 

We will spend some time getting to know each other, evaluate your needs and create a plan to make it happen. 

You will need to have all relevant healthcare information handy for us to process, and usually once we have your info we won’t need to ask for it again. 

Different services and different service providers may have different policies or capabilities for direct billing, so try and figure out those details before your appointment. 

 

Is Telehealth Counselling Here to Stay?

While there’s no way to know for sure, telehealth counseling will likely never be as inaccessible or restricted as it was pre-pandemic. Frankly, it is too lucrative and gives access to too many individuals who would otherwise have to suffer in silence or seek help outside of their communities. 

There is also the reality of the ripple effects of COVID19 causing a mental health crisis in our country. We won’t know the full effect of 2020 on our collective mental health until much later, though many people are having to isolate themselves. 

Many people have lost jobs, and many people have lost loved ones. This collective stress, grief, anxiety and depression will require access to counseling like never before, and telehealth counseling makes seeking help a possibility for many who would otherwise have limited options. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


How Big Is Too Big For A Man

How Big Is Too Big For A Man?

How Big Is Too Big For A Man?

 

Address the most common question of “how big is to?o big for a man” or how big is too big for a person to take?

In this video, we will give you the average length and girth world wide for penis size, discuss how big is too big for a woman, how big is too big, how big is too big for a man, and let you know these answers you have probably asked or googled before.

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining us for this fun question of how big is too big for a man?

I hope after getting the answer on how big is too big for a penus, you learn to use this advice for sexual satisfaction and not shame. We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own sexual fun with how big is the perfect size.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

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If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Talk About Marriage

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

 

Have you ever wondered if there is a talk about marriage that could help yours? 

I did back in the day, and I know many of my clients have too! 

The courtship process of dating used to be about testing this exchange in a way. Sometimes now, we bypass courtship for love, then we have marital problems. 

While I bring you videos like, 7 Things That Destroy a Marriage, and then provide you with useful communication techniques that will guide you to recover from those topics, I want to talk about marriage today in a way that will help you improve communication with your partner… even with anyone.

In the book, The Good Marriage, we talk about marriage in four ways: 

 

The Traditional Marriage - roles were very defined. 

  • Back in the day relationships and sexuality were witnessed as  an exchange. The most common exchange in marriage from one partner, often the man, was I will give you my name, my commitment, and finances to shelter you. For the other partner, often the caretaker of the house, to provide children, companionship, and sexual desire.
  • The man would make more money in the house. Deep respect for the distinction of the roles they had. 

 

The Companion Marriage - more friendly. 

  • Ride or die commitment. 
  • Flexible roles with who does what in the marriage. 

 

The Healing Marriage - savior marriage

  • Often in this marriage, both individuals came from trauma and had a deep level of healing to do themselves. 
  • Then, they help their partner to do the same!

 

The Romantic Marriage - the one that had the most vibrant sex life. 

  • Keeping a live story of the couples’ romance. 
  • Often sharing the narrative of how the couple met. Romantic and repeated. 
  • Prioritize dates and adventures to keep the passion and romance alive. 

 

In summary, whatever type of partnership you have, it’s good to talk about it. 

It is especially important to talk about marriage. 

Love is unconditional. Relationships, including marriage, take agreements, collaboration, and commitment! 

On the level of consciousness, we are infinite… yet, we have a finite human body and only one body in this lifetime.

Instead of taking our body and mind to project onto others, let's learn and grow. 

  • The mind is tricky and often projects.
  • Usually when I am in hatred, I am also more likely to act out. 
  • Usually when I am in pain, I can justify my behavior to defend, deflect, and deny.
  • Often, I must do the inner work to choose a new type of communication style with grace, and with accountability. 

While we talk about marriage, may we experience ourselves as bigger, more profound, and more complex. The more intricate, the more passionate!

Adulting and creating safe space for your inner selves to talk about marriage, in the way that most of us did not see modeled growing up! 

Being able to work with our partner to help them self-analyze and assess their choices. 

We don’t want to suppress ourselves or our partners too far, because there is a chance it can turn into self-hate. We want to know the way to include all parts of our psyche into the conversation. 

For me, my world has transformed when I love myself enough to take responsibility without collapsing into overly dramatic feelings of guilt. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Love Addiction

How to Know if You Have a Love Addiction

How to Know if You Have a Love Addiction

 

We all love the thrill of a new relationship; however, if that is the feeling you cling to for the entirety of every relationship only to have it end in heartbreak, it is likely that you have a love addiction.

A love addiction can be sabotaging your relationships and ultimately your happiness within relationships. It is also tricky to recognize because relationships are so romanticized in the media: if you’re not madly, passionately in love all the time and for years on end,  the relationship is a failure. 

The reality is, relationships ebb and flow and while some do not make it past the honeymoon phase anyway, truly healthy relationships are built on trust, companionship, shared values and of course some attraction

 

What is Love Addiction?

A love addiction is the chronic, obsessive pursuit of romantic love. Healthy relationships don’t stay in the “honeymoon” phase forever, so if you are constantly chasing that feeling from relationship to relationship you may have a love addiction. 

It consists of behaviors that end up affecting you and your partner negatively, and can mean you have a tough time letting go of the fantasy of a relationship when the reality sets in. 

 

Is Love Addiction Real?

Love addiction is not a recognized disorder by the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, the DSM-5 lists 11 criteria for substance addictions that can be applied to understanding and treating a process addiction or negative behavior pattern like love addiction. 

To be diagnosed with a substance addiction, you only need to have two of the eleven criteria. Not all of them apply to love addiction, so here are the top three that indicate there may be an addictive element in play:

  • An ongoing (6+ months) preoccupation/ obsession with romantic fantasies and new relationships
  • No self control over romantic fantasies and new relationships
  • Negative consequences from these out of control fantasies

So while not technically recognized as an “addiction” in the DSM-5, it is a pattern of behavior that can be harmful and hurtful and prevent you from enjoying fulfilling, healthy relationships. This is why it is always worth seeking help to overcome love addiction. 

 

What’s So Wrong About Being Romantic?

Romance is an exciting and essential element of courtship and attraction. There is even a physiological explanation for those butterflies you feel when around your new crush!

A neurochemical rush floods your system when your new partner is in sight (or in mind) and when you touch. The evolutionary necessity of this is to provide a temporary fierce attraction while two humans build a real relationship, getting to know each other and build a foundation of trust and intimacy. Ideally once the honeymoon phase ceases, this foundation is set and the relationship can progress. 

The difficulty arises when you associate those rushes/butterflies and romance with the substance of a relationship, or the idea of being in a relationship. Once they fade, you’re either no longer interested or you feel like the relationship is failing when it is naturally progressing in many ways. 

Failing to move beyond seeking that rush can leave you lonely, heartbroken, and stuck in a pattern where you don’t open up for real intimacy and connection because you’re always chasing the rush of romance. 

This of course doesn’t mean long term relationships should be devoid of romance! It merely means that the definition and spontaneity of it may shift. Sharing common values, learning and acting upon each other’s love languages, making your partner feel appreciated and special are all romantic and I definitely encourage romance! You can’t put on delicious whipped frosting without a cake first, and if you’re always chasing frosting you’ll be left hungry! 

 

Signs of Love Addiction

So, what are some of the signs of a love addiction?

  • Confusing sexual and romantic intensity with true intimacy
  • Skipping out on commitments, friends and family for your relationships
  • A wandering eye that seeks new, exciting relationships while you’re still in a monogamous relationship
  • Feeling alone, desperate and unworthy when not in a relationship
  • Defining yourself by your relationships
  • Always changing yourself to keep partners/fear of being dumped if you’re yourself
  • Relying on romantic/sexual intensity to escape your problems/find comfort

Love Addiction

 

Love Addiction and Codependency 

If you’re familiar with codependency, a lot of these signs may seem vaguely familiar. In fact, it could be argued that while not all codependents are love addicts, all love addicts are codependent. 

Codependency is in simplest terms the inability to decipher where you and the person you are codependent with ends. 

You may do everything in their best interest, even at expense of your own needs and wants. 

You may find it difficult to establish healthy boundaries in the relationship for fear of rejection or loneliness. 

It can create a one sided dynamic in a relationship (this can include family and friends), and can create a pattern of dysfunction where both sides of the relationship play a fixed role: one person could be a martyr who needs the validation of caring for someone else, perhaps the other is an enabler of these behaviors etc. 

 

Can I Change? 

Love addiction is a compulsion that can be tamed, though it is important to recognize what seemingly normal comments and behaviors are actually love addiction rearing its head. 

The truth is, the pattern is the issue, not the people you date. Sure, they weren’t perfect, however you must focus on yourself and your behaviors in order to end the cycle of heartbreaking short term romances in exchange for meaningful connections and intimacy. 

Working with a therapist is essential for establishing new patterns and behaviors that are healthy and constructive. Well meaning friends will try to give advice and can be a good shoulder to cry on, though they are biased and will likely agree with all of your assessments of the situation as a sign of support. 

A therapist is a non partial party who knows that the larger goal is more important: ending your love addiction and creating relationship patterns that are healthy and fulfilling. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


What is my Love Language

What is My Love Language? 5 Keys to Identify Your Desire!

What is My Love Language? 5 Keys to Identify Your Desire!

 

What is my love language you may be asking!

It is worth noting that you and your partner(s) may have a different love language than you and asking what is my love language is only half of the question if you are partnered!

The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. 

Have you ever reflected upon what is my love language? 

What about your partners’ love language? 

What is my Love Language

 

This can be a helpful tool to evaluate if the way you’re both expressing your love (and receiving love!) is being interpreted as such. 

  • Take a love language quiz together! 
  • Though it may feel kinda cheesy, you can discover a lot about each other!
  • Once you’ve figured out your love languages, talk about how to incorporate it. 

 

1. Words of Affirmation

If you desire to be praised, encouraged or told “I love you” regularly to feel connected to your partner, your love language may be words of affirmation!

The platinum rule trumps the golden rule EVERY TIME! Do unto others what they would have you do unto them (not what you would want done for you). 

 

2.Acts of service

If you desire things like your partner running you a bath, bringing you a hot cup of coffee in the morning while you’re just barely awake, scraping the ice off of your car because they know you hate doing it, this is an act of service. 

 

3.Quality Time

It can be hurtful if your partner is flaky with plans, is distracted or texting during a date or doesn’t seem to be engaged when you’re having conversations. It can make you feel unimportant or like you’re playing second fiddle to other aspects of your partner’s life and they never have time to see you.

 

4.Gifts

Do you like receiving trinkets? If so, you can answer what is my love language with presents! 

 

5.Physical touch

Hugs, cuddles, spanks, and intimate touch can be brought into your lives, depending on the love languages that you connect with most. 

 

What is My Love Language - Sex Edition!

As cliché as it seems, a lack of physical touch and sex in particular can drive partners away, regardless of gender. 

For many people, sex is more than just a pleasurable activity - it is confirmation they are attractive, desired, and loved. 

In the early stages of dating, women usually (not always - this WAS based on older studies when sex research was funded more) enjoy feeling a connection before having sex with a new partner. 

Interestingly, these studies also identified that men (in general, yet not always) desired to have sex to feel an intimate connection. 

How confusing for other sex couples! 

As spouses, you are obviously beyond the nervous excitement of dating, though this can be a gentle reminder that we continuously need to reconnect, check in and grow together. 

Exploring your sexual connection can open the door to deepening your emotional connection. 

After all, great sex requires great communication - a cornerstone of healthy relationships! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.