Virginity Is a Social Construct: It’s Time to Break Free

 

Lately, there has been a lot of talk about whether or not virginity is a social construct. For centuries, the idea of being a virgin until marriage has been sold to young girls and women all around the world as something crucial for their love life, happiness, and personal value. Why was—and still is—virginity only an expectation for women? After all, if straight men were not expected to be virgins until marriage, who were all of them having sex with? Who gave men so much power to destroy a woman’s reputation just because they had sex together? A man was just a man, and a woman wasn’t a virgin anymore. 

It’s not so much who gave men so much power; the real question is why. Why were women who had sexual relations before marriage unwanted or shamed by their families? Why does the inequality between men and women still exist when talking about virginity? If it’s so important, why are there groups of people praying and promoting only female virginity and not virginity in general? 

In this article, we want to research how true it is that virginity is a social construct. 

 

Virginity Is a … Social Construct? 

Before responding to this question, let’s define social construct. It is an idea that society creates to make sense of everything around us. Social constructs are not bad. On the contrary, they help us understand the world we live in. For instance, we all agree that a certain piece of paper represents money. We accept its different values and use it to buy certain things. That is a social construct. 

However, not all social constructs help us function on an everyday basis. Some are used to manipulate marginalized groups, and up until recently, women were marginalized all across the world. Although that is not the case anymore, there is still a lot of inequality between men and women when it comes to certain matters. One such example is virginity. 

When someone says the word ‘virgin,’ do you imagine a man or a woman? Most likely, you’ve imagined a woman. Don’t worry, it’s not your fault. For hundreds of years, society has been teaching us that a woman should be ‘untouched’ until she meets the right man who decides to marry her. There is no equivalent for men. Yes, they were expected to provide for this perfect woman and the family they built together, yet a man who wasn’t from a wealthy family wasn’t considered as a ‘damaged good.’ 

Putting aside social and religious beliefs, what does one lose by having a sexual experience? How can having an experience decrease your value? One of the definitions of experience is that it is an ‘event which leaves an impression on you.’ 

Instead of expecting someone to be a virgin, it would make more sense to talk about the experience itself. What do you need for it to be a quality experience? What should you learn from such an experience? Why do we seek that type of experience in the first place?

These questions initiate personal growth; asking whether or not someone is a virgin initiates discrimination, comparison, and judgment. 

 

Virginity Limits Other Experiences 

The concept of virginity pushes women away from sex, and it distances them from other experiences, such as masturbation, conversations, and thoughts about sex. Understanding what you like and don’t like is crucial for successful sex. Even if you wait until you’re married, if you aren’t allowing yourself to be curious about sex, chances are you will not be able to enjoy it because you don’t know what you prefer. 

Not masturbating, thinking, or talking about sex have one strong belief in common, which is ‘Sex is dirty.’ You can’t expect this belief to magically disappear once you are married. That is why many people who wait until marriage to have sex say that they are not impressed by it. Others will feel it is a marital responsibility, so they will not experience any pleasure or orgasm. 

In a way, virginity continues to impact your sexual experiences even when you lose it to the person you’ve waited for your entire life. After all, it’s not about being proficient at having sex; it’s about feeling proficient when having it. People with penises and vaginas have the right to enjoy their sexual experiences and be curious about sex and sexuality in general. 

 

Before and After 

Your first sex definitely separates before and after. Every important experience does that. Your first kiss, your first relationship, your first friend, your first day at school, and so on. Interestingly enough, other things don’t have a word for the period before a certain experience. What do you call a person before they gain their first friend? There’s no word for it. 

There is so much negative context around the word ‘virginity’ that, at this point, it is way more damaging than informational. Just think about it: what can you do with the information of someone being a virgin? It has zero value to others. If you haven’t had sexual experience, that information says nothing relevant about you in the public sphere. Also, if you had sex, it says the same—nothing. 

For inexperienced people who want to take things slow, share it with a loved one. You can share it with your close friend if you feel that your past sexual experience wasn’t so great and you want to be more relaxed when having sex again. The only value of such information is if it benefits you. 

 

Time for a New Social Construct

In the same way that the social construct of virginity has been created, we can create a new one that is not harmful to people, especially young women. Why not advance virginity as society does every day to match its beliefs and habits?

Every sexual experience is valid. Shaming someone doesn’t bring positive outcomes for anyone. If you want others to respect your intimacy, respect theirs. Lastly, don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison always leads to dividing the world into ‘good’ and ‘bad, ‘black’ and ‘white.’ Instead, be open-minded, curious, compassionate, and lead by example. 

 

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