Text Therapy

Text Therapy: What Is It & How It Works

Text Therapy: What Is It & How It Works

 

You use your smartphone for most things in your life, yet did you know that your phone can also serve you for text therapy? In recent years, especially during and after the pandemic, we’ve started using our phones as tools to reach out for help and communicate with therapists and mental health professionals about our issues. 

If you haven’t tried it yet, you probably want to know everything about text therapy. Can you get some value from reaching out to someone via text? How efficient is it to talk about things bothering you and receive advice in textual format? We bring you all information below. 

How does Text Therapy Work? 

If you’re interested in trying text therapy, you’ve probably stumbled upon an ad on social media or heard a recommendation of a text therapist from a close person. To start with the text therapy, you will need to answer a few questions helping the central service match you with a therapist that can offer the type of support you need. Sometimes, you will even be able to choose your therapist based on their description. 

Most text therapy services provide text messaging without limitations, while others also offer audio and video chat, yet expect to pay a bit more for this service. One of the most valuable benefits of such therapy is that clients can text their therapists anytime. Your therapist may not respond to you immediately, especially in late-night or early morning hours, however, they will respond to you within 24 hours. 

Clients can also ask for a live text session, which allows them to exchange texts with their chosen therapist in real-time. This can be quite handy when you want to bring up issues and feelings that are occurring at that moment. Another thing about text therapy is that it provides complete privacy, just like in-person therapy. You don’t have to worry about your identifying details being revealed or shared with a third party.

What Is the Cost of Text Therapy?

The cost of your text therapy will greatly depend on your chosen platform and the additional services or fees it includes. In general, you will pay less than you would for in-person therapy, however, prices can vary significantly based on the mentioned factors. 

Two of the most popular text therapy services, BetterHelp and Talkspace, start with plans for $40 to $65 a week, with Talkspace only offering plans per month. Also, make sure you check pricing well before engaging any further as some platforms will charge you a weekly rate, yet still bill monthly. As typically patients pay anywhere from $40 to $150 per in-person therapy session, this is a cheaper alternative. 

That said, you avoid transportation fees and you can text your therapist from any part of the world. When going to in-person therapy, you will need to visit your therapist’s office each time you have a session with them and calculate the time and money you need to get there. 

What are the Benefits of Text Therapy?

There are truly numerous benefits of starting text therapy. Many people will not go to a therapist because they live far from the therapist’s office. Others will be afraid of the intimate environment where they are sharing their emotions and behaviors with a person they don’t know very well. 

Text From Anywhere

With text therapy, you can text your therapist from your home, office, car, public transport, park, or any place on the Earth. As long as you can send the text, your therapist will receive it and respond as soon as possible. Unlike in-person therapy, you don’t have to react to your therapist’s question or opinion right away. You can take some time to think about it and write your answer when it’s most convenient for you. The flexible communication allows for making most of the therapy and truly reminiscing on the process. 

Enjoy the Distance

Another benefit of text therapy is maintaining the distance you are comfortable with. This is particularly beneficial for those who feel awkward or uncomfortable discussing their private matters with others, although they are licensed therapists. Being able to maintain their distance and not having in-person communication with therapists can help them share things they typically wouldn’t share with someone and benefit their healing process that way. 

Save Your Money

Also, money is often an important factor when deciding whether or not to start going to a therapist. Because four times a month can cost you up to $600, you might be more motivated to start text therapy and save your money that way. When compared to in-person therapy, you can save up to even $400, depending on the platform you choose. 

Solve Your Issues ASAP

Let’s say you had a minor stressful situation today and you want to get rid of the stress and the thoughts accompanying it. Typically, you would need to wait until your next session to discuss it with your therapist, yet text therapy allows you to do something about it immediately. You can text your therapist the details of what happened and feel a bit better because you already did something about it.

In Final Words

Tex therapy is an excellent way to incorporate therapy into your daily life. You don’t have to think about leaving your Wednesday afternoon free because you need to go to your therapist’s office. You can simply text them anytime and from anywhere and wait for their reply. Not to mention how much easier and liberating it is to text what you want to share with them, instead of feeling uncomfortable sharing some things. 

Don’t approach these two types of therapy by comparing them. Both in-person and text therapy are a great way to help you feel better in your life and be the person you want to be for yourself and others in your life. After all, therapy is not only reserved for people struggling with mental health conditions, yet for everyone who wants to heal from something that occurred to them or find the best tools to manage their life better. 

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Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

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LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

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Sex Therapy Exercises

Sex Therapy Exercises To Do At Home

Sex Therapy Exercises To Do At Home

 

If you thought that sex therapy involves only talking, you’ll be happy to hear there’s also homework in a form of sex therapy exercises. You and your partner may try to improve the quality of your sexual life or solve a few issues in the bedroom. These exercises can provide much value to you as a couple and strengthen your relationship beyond sex. 

These exercises are typically assigned during sex therapy, in which a therapist assigns homework tailored to you as a couple. Let’s take a look at what are sex therapy exercises and give you the motivation you need to ace this. 

About Sex Therapy Exercises

It’s completely normal to want to improve the quality of your sex life, and it doesn’t necessarily imply you are unsatisfied in bed. Not to mention that to enjoy sex and connect better with your partner sexually requires both of you to do different exercises related to sex and intimacy. Not too bad, right?

If you’ve already done the talk with your partner, started the sex therapy, and you’re both curious to see how these exercises can bring more fun into your four walls – and maybe outside them, all that’s left to do is to roll your sleeves and get started with your marital homework. 

The true value of sex exercises for couples is that it teaches them what is fundamental for each partner to consider they had great sex, while also broadening horizons and trying out things you never knew you even like. 

Like it is with everything, practice makes perfect. With sex, there is so much more involved than chemistry. Individuals prefer different things and styles of sex, and often, they need different things to get excited. To enjoy sex means that both partners will need to be satisfied with their sexual activities, not just one. 

Why Couples Need Sex Therapy Exercices

There can be many reasons why a couple started with sex therapy. A loss of intimacy because of a certain event or trauma, lack of orgasm from one or both partners, and reduced libido are the most common reasons why someone will consider going to sex therapy, however, there can be numerous reasons for it.

When couples start working on their sex life and intimacy with a guidance of a therapist, they will notice improvements in communication, especially in the bedroom, deeper emotional connection,  and a stronger relationship in general. If you’re a bit nervous about these exercises, keep in mind that you’ll first establish the trust with the therapist and go through a bit of talking before getting this interesting homework.

That said, you’ll definitely need to practice these exercises with your partner and be dedicated to making things better in your sex life. These are the questions you can expect to hear from your sex therapist: 

  • What did you do this week that made your partner loved?
  • Also, What can you do to improve this during the following week?
  • What can you do to make your intimacy a priority?
  • Also, What did you notice lately that works well for you in sex?
  • What things would you like to see more in bed or from your partner to enjoy more sex?

These and similar questions can be a part of your sex therapy because they show your therapist what you both need, while also allowing both of you to express what you need in a safe environment. 

Types of Sex Therapy Exercises

As already explained, there are many different kinds of sex exercises that you and your partner can practice at home, yet there are three of them that are most commonly recommended to improve sexual connection and intimacy between partners. 

Hugging

The best way to improve both sex and intimacy is through hugging. Although it’s not an erotic exercise that requires couples to be naked, it has proven to be a very efficient exercise in both couple and sex therapy. A couple will hug each other until they both feel at ease and relax. You should hug your partner, and at the same time, they should hug you. The idea is to connect mutually instead of one being the caregiver and the other caretaker. 

Heads on Pillows

Not as known as hugging, heads on pillows is yet another great exercise for restoring intimacy between partners. Both partners will lie down with their heads on their pillows and face each other. The idea is to quiet the mind and heart, and simply look into the partner’s eyes. There can be a bit of touching, yet avoid erotic areas or anything else that might distract you from the exercise. 

Feeling when Touching

Just like the first two exercises, this one cannot lead to sex either. Partners should lay down and one should start touching the other. Restain from touching genitals or any erotic areas, and focus on what you feel while you are touching your partner. Once a person can touch their partner for about 10 minutes, they can switch roles. Talking is also not encouraged, as it takes you away from the exercises.

Ready, Set, Practice!

It might be unusual for you to see that most common sex exercises have nothing or little to do with sex. The reason for that is that to have great sex, partners should first feel the connection between them. You truly need to see and feel your partner in order to connect sexually and achieve orgasm. 

Also, don’t get discouraged. It takes time to feel comfortable with this type of exercise, so make sure you and your partners are taking it easy. Be curious about the process and keep your mind on the objective. These exercises are created to make you both enjoy each other even more, yet it takes time to fully get there. 

Until then, treat it as your sexy homework. After all, have you ever been assigned homework this cool? We doubt it, so make sure you are making the most of it. Communicate with your partner how you feel about these exercises to remind yourself of the reason why you are doing all of it.

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How To Become Confident Again | Build Back Sexual Confidence [Big D*ck Energy] 🍌

How To Become Confident Again | Build Back Sexual Confidence [Big D*ck Energy] 🍌

 

How to become confident again and build back sexual confidence. I want you to understand big dick energy and how to be confident truly when it comes to sexuality.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

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Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

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LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

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High Functioning Depression

How to Recognize High Functioning Depression Symptoms?

How to Recognize High Functioning Depression Symptoms?

 

Many high functioning depression symptoms are similar to symptoms resulting from major depression, yet differ in more ways. These symptoms might be changes in sleeping and eating habits, lower self-esteem, hopelessness, fatigue, problems with concentration, etc. For it to be a high functioning depressing, a person should experience these symptoms most days that also cause almost constant low mood, which is present for at least two years. 

Most people with high functioning depression function normally, and their family and friends often cannot see any signs that the person has this disorder. However, depression is something that a person will struggle with it internally. High functioning depression can be treated with therapy and medications, allowing individuals experiencing it to have a happy, fulfilling life. 

High Functioning Depression

If you haven’t heard about high functioning depression, you should know that it can have serious consequences if a person is not receiving adequate treatment. Another term for high functioning depression is a persistent depressive disorder. If a person has high functioning depression they will experience most symptoms of depression, yet less severely. 

This means that the person with high functioning depression will function normally, from going to work or school to keeping up with different types of responsibilities in their lives. They also might engage in a range of social activities, so nobody around them will suspect they might be struggling with any form of depression. More importantly, the person often will be unable to detect depression in themselves because they are easy-going, participating in social activities, and performing well in their work or education environment. 

The outside world most often will not be able to notice a person is struggling with high functioning depression or persistent depressive disorder. Compared to major depression, high functioning depression should still be diagnosed and treated. When living with high functioning depression, a person can struggle and have a lower life quality than usual, yet getting the help they need can help significantly. 

High Functioning Depression Symptoms 

High functioning depression is a mental health condition diagnosed by a psychiatrist or other licensed mental health professional. To be diagnosed with high functioning depression, certain criteria must be met, which are all gathered in a high functioning depression test. 

The first criteria relate to the person being depressed most of the time and for most of the day for at least two years. This depressed mood a person is experiencing must include two or more of the symptoms mentioned below:

  • Lack of appetite or overeating,
  • Sleeping issues such as insomnia or oversleeping,
  • Lack of energy and fatigue,
  • Decreased self-esteem,
  • Issues with concentration and making decisions,
  • Feeling sad and hopeless.

Besides these symptoms, other criteria must be met for a person to be diagnosed with high functioning depression. The symptoms that the person is experiencing must be present on most days for at least two years without the period of relief from depression lasting more than two months. Also, the person mustn’t have experienced a period of mania or hypomania before in their life.

Before diagnosing the client with PDD, the psychiatrist or other mental health professional needs to ensure that these symptoms are not caused by any other mental health disorder, medical condition, or substance abuse. Although most individuals with PDD function normally, there will need to be a link between the high functioning depression and the impairment in one or more life areas of the individual.

Most clients struggling with high functioning depression have reported feeling the following ways:

  • Feeling a little down most of the days and others might have noticed it and describe you as cynical, downer, or gloomy. 
  • Your low mood is always somewhere in the background if not fully present, and it feels like you will never feel great again. 
  • You feel tired almost constantly, even when you get enough sleep and eat well.
  • You or others will wonder whether it’s laziness, yet it’s challenging for you to summon the energy to do more than the basic activities. 
  • You don’t feel good about yourself and you feel like you don’t deserve to be happy or liked by others in your life because you’re not worth it. 
  • Your weight has changed without your intent because of a lack of appetite or overeating. 
  • You often feel hopeless and cry without a concrete, realistic reason.
  • You perform well whether at work or school, yet it’s a challenge to focus on all your tasks and requires additional effort. 
  • Most of the time, you are forcing yourself to engage in social activities although you would rather stay at home alone. 

Living with High Functioning Depression

If diagnosed with high functioning depression, a person can continue living their life as they want, however, they will need to receive treatment, whether it’s therapy, medications, or both. A person struggling with this type of depression cannot decide on their therapy on their own, they will need to be guided by a mental health expert. 

Once in therapy, the client will receive guidelines, methods, and helpful tips to manage how their high-functioning depression affects their life. As it is with all other mental health disorders, a person often needs months or years of treatment until they can function in a way that their depression is not affecting them anymore. However, even in the initial sessions, a person will be able to improve some aspects of their depression because they will receive personalized guidelines from their psychiatrist, psychologist, or any other mental health professional.

In Final Words

Like major depression, high functioning depression or persistent depressive disorder is a serious mental health condition that requires treatment. Whether it’s you or someone close to you experiencing high functioning depression symptoms, reaching out to a mental health professional is the best way to approach it. This will help the person in need to find adequate treatment and work on improving the quality of their life. 

Struggling with depression, whether it’s a major or high functioning one, doesn’t allow you to have a happy life, and not addressing it can only lead to even worse conditions. Reaching out to someone you trust is the first step to recovery, don’t postpone it and react on time.

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Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

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ROLE PLAY in RELATIONSHIPS | Learn How Daddy Does IT!

ROLE PLAY in RELATIONSHIPS | Learn How Daddy Does IT!

 

Learn how to roleplay and use role play in relationships. In this video, we teach role play in relationships, role play is a strategy that is used people to enhance their sex life by adding an element of fantasy. If you are feeling a little underwhelmed in your relationship, bring some fantasy and role play in the relationship and learn how to include roleplay.

Here are some of my favorite role play tips that I am going to share with you. Lets answer what is role play and specifically what is role play in a relationship.

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Relationship PTSD & How to Deal With It

Relationship PTSD & How to Deal With It

 

Relationship PTSD or post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS) involves ways a person responds to being exposed to a traumatic event within their relationship and their intimate partner. Within relationships, all relational abuse types have shown to leave significant verbal, emotional/psychological, physical, or sexual consequences. 

What is Relationship PTSD?

Relationship PTSD is a subcategory of PTSD, where one person is causing PTSD and related emotional reactions in another person within their relationship. It mostly results from an abusive relationship, while not meeting all the diagnostic criteria to be diagnosed as PTSD, so experts in the field have started calling it post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS). 

So, Relationship PTSD and PTRS will be used interchangeably for the rest of this article. 

Therefore, PTRS will show some PTSD symptoms, yet it will often show more intense emotional reactions leading to negative social interactions. Most people will notice symptoms of PTRS once the relationship ends. 

During the relationship, what causes PTRS is the relational patterns and the relationship in general, instead of experiencing one or two traumatic events. A person who has PTRS will notice lower self-esteem, blame themselves for relational troubles, or feel more insecure than before starting the relationship. 

What PTSD and PTRS have in common is a belief that once one experiences a certain trauma, the world becomes an unsafe place for that person. 

PTRS Symptoms 

As said, relationship PTSD or PTRS might be difficult to recognize because the symptoms appear gradually over a long period of time instead of experiencing one traumatic event. PTRS symptoms can include various symptoms and signs, from a strong sense of feeling unsafe to be out of control or feeling shame or guilt. 

PTRS Intrusive Symptoms

Intrusive symptoms are related to experiencing the traumatic event again and again through:

  • Thoughts related to the trauma that appeared out of nowhere,
  • Flashbacks or having a strong feeling of re-experiencing the traumatic event through images, daydreams, or intrusive thoughts,
  • Nightmares or dreams involving the traumatic event or dreams where a person feels scared or exposed,
  • Experiencing extreme distress when reminded of the trauma by your intimate partner or anyone else,
  • Intensive emotional responses to typical, everyday situations. 

PTRS Arousal Symptoms

Arousal symptoms refer to the symptoms around the fear response such as:

  • Higher irritability with minimum or zero provocation,
  • Insomnia or having sleep problems, whether when falling or staying asleep,
  • Hypervigilance or being constantly alert when something reminds you of the trauma.

PTRS Relational Symptoms

Relational symptoms are the ones creating stress in other relationships such as: 

  • Having issues with trusting other people or socializing,
  • Loneliness or isolation,
  • Starting a new relationship quickly, 
  • Shame, guilt, or self-blame,
  • Sexual dysfunction or fear of being physically intimate with your new partner,
  • A strong feeling that the world is unsafe. 

What Causes Relationship PTSD?

The trauma that is causing relationship PTSD might be from any type of relational abuse, yet unlike traditional PTSD, it only occurs with your intimate partner rather than experiencing a traumatic event outside the context of your intimate relationship.

Most often, there is not just one event that caused PTRS, yet several incidents in an abusive relationship might lead to PTRS. There are many unhealthy relational patterns such as belittling, controlling, gaslighting or constantly criticizing the other person which are all signs of emotional abuse.

Unlike emotional, physical abuse is much more evident and it is often noticed by other people outside your relationship. Physical abuse refers to hitting, punching, or any attempt to purposely injure your intimate partner. In relationships, there is also a possibility of experiencing sexual abuse in a form of non-consensual sex or sexual coercion. 

What is important to keep in mind is that every person responds to traumatic events differently, especially within the context of an intimate relationship. Also, what is considered a traumatic exposure to one person might not affect someone else at all. This is why it is very important to be aware of how you feel in your relationship and how your partner is making you feel to understand if there is anything that might or is already causing PTRS. 

The Healing Process

If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, you should suggest therapy. Healing is a long-term process if you’ve been in an abusive relationship and think you have PTRS. However, the first step to healing is talking about it with a professional who will guide you and help you learn techniques to overcome the traumatic relationship and be able to start a new, healthy one. 

Another thing you need to know is that you cannot accelerate the healing process. For instance, if you’ve been in an abusive relationship for years, it will take more than just a month to heal properly and be able to live your life as you did before the relationship started. Also, the type of abuse and the frequency of it happening in the relationship are important factors that will affect the healing process.

Because relationship PTSD affects different people differently, the healing process and everything about it can differ from one person to another. For instance, your therapist might use a different approach than your friend’s therapist who has also been in an abusive relationship. Besides being exposed to different types of abuse, someone’s personality type and previous experience will also have an impact on how someone is responding to traumatic exposure in their intimate relationship.

Conclusion

A relationship PTSD or post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS) happens when a person has been exposed to patterns of traumatic events or behaviors caused by their intimate partner. Symptoms and signs of PTRS are not noticeable immediately as they develop over time, and are not visible to the eye, except for physical abuse. 

If a person ends the abusive relationship and their intimate partner is no longer present in their lives, PTRS symptoms will continue and affect how this person interacts and connects with other people, especially within the romantic context. That is why it’s best to seek help in a form of a therapist who has enough experience with PTRS. Such therapists can help you heal from the relationship you had and help you start a new relationship when you’re ready without the baggage from the past

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Is My Husband Gay & What To Do About It

Is My Husband Gay & What To Do About It

 

If you’re asking yourself ‘Is my husband gay?’ then this article is for you. Not every gay person will come out to you easily, even if we’re talking about spouses. Our sexuality can be something we struggle to understand on our own, let alone be able to have conversations about it. 

So, before you accuse your partner of hiding this secret from you, let’s look at the most common signs to answer is my husband gay and if he, then what.

How to Tell if Your Husband Is Gay

Of course, the clearest and easiest way to find out if your husband is gay is if he tells you. Unfortunately, many gay husbands will hide their homosexuality from their heterosexual spouses, who begin to wonder should they confront their gay husbands and how. These are some of the signs you should look for:

  • The lack of or decrease in sexual activity throughout the years. He will maybe try to tell you that sex is not an important aspect of your marriage for him or that is normal for couples to have less sex when in long-term relationships. 
  • He doesn’t get sexually excited by normal sexual activities and accuses you of being too aggressive or a nymphomaniac when having normal sexual needs. 
  • In bed, he acts more mechanical than passionate with a lack of interest in foreplay.
  • He might claim he feels depressed, frustrated, or under a lot of pressure for a long period of time and blame it for his lack of sexual desire.
  • Hides sexual enhancers like Viagra or Cialis, yet doesn’t show interest in having sex with you.
  • He likes kinky sex and suggests using sex toys that will stimulate his prostate. 
  • His computer history is often deleted and doesn’t show any recent search results. 
  • You have found gay pornography on his phone, computer, or magazines hidden somewhere in the bedroom, while he claims they are not his. 
  • He has started investing more time in himself by going to the gym and working on changing the way he looks. 
  • Says he is not happy in the marriage, yet is unable to explain the reasons for it. 
  • He is often unavailable and tells you he is working long hours or doing activities you cannot track. 
  • He shared he was sexually abused in his childhood or adolescence. 
  • Refers a lot to homosexuality in conversations, whether it’s to make homophobic comments or any gay-related comments. 

Keep in mind that exposing just one of the signs doesn’t imply your husband is gay. For instance, if your husband has decided to go to the gym more often, it might be because he is worried about his health or he wants to impress you. However, if you noticed more than two signs in your marriage, it is time to seriously consider the fact that your husband is gay. 

Is He Gay? Yes, He Is Gay – What to Do? 

If these signs constantly appear in your marriage and you’ve been suspecting for a while now, chances are your husband is gay. It’s completely normal feeling a combination of emotions and feeling lost when trying to find the best way to handle it. Most women in this situation have reported experiencing guilt, shame, devastation, hurt, rage, betrayal, repulsion, and responsibility. Of course, each experience depends on the individual, so make sure you allow yourself some time to process all of it. 

The first thing you will need to do is accept it’s nobody’s fault. Your husband is not intentionally gay just to hurt you nor you are guilty because you haven’t realized your husband is gay before you married him. Your husband’s homosexuality is his responsibility and you couldn’t affect it in any way. There are many reasons why men are not embracing their homosexuality and marry a heterosexual woman, from thinking it will erase their homosexuality to belonging to a traditional family, like the one he grew up in. You will know the reason only if you talk to your husband. 

Try to first process it on your own because the conversation will not be productive for either of you if you’re unable to talk rationally. Try to explain how you feel to yourself first before going to your husband. Be clear on how to verbalize everything that is happening in your mind or heart, and find appropriate words. Prepare yourself for tears and don’t waste your energy on building the facade to show you’re not hurt. You are, and you have every right to be. 

The Talk

Once you feel prepared for the conversation, invite your husband to talk about it. As you will be the one who will reveal his secret, keep in mind that setting the tone for the conversation is important. Try not to attack, blame, shout, or say anything that might make him abandon the conversation. You deserve to know his side of the story and by being calm and asking the right questions, you might get that. 

First, tell him you’ve been suspecting for a while he is gay and lists the signs that confirm that suspicion. While doing so, make sure you’re not rushing into proving you’re right. Instead, share with him how all of this made you feel and that you understand there is nothing to do about his homosexuality, yet your marriage is the responsibility of both. Ask him why he has never told you that he is gay. Ask him how long he knows the truth about his same sex orientation.. 

Whatever was tormenting you while gathering evidence of is my husband gay,, ask him. However, make sure these questions are not filled with blame and accusations. For instance, instead of asking ‘How could you do this to me and our marriage?’, you can ask ‘What was stopping you from telling me the truth?’. 

Keep in mind it’s not just the words you choose, it’s the tone you use to talk to him. It’s the place and time you have chosen for this conversation. Besides having control over the conversation, you are the one who is putting his secret out in the open, so make sure you’re also aware of that. Not to say you’re not the victim here, because you are, yet you will get more value from an honest, open talk than blaming him for destroying your marriage. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How Much Sex is Normal in Long Term Relationship by a Sex Therapist

How Much Sex is Normal in Long Term Relationship by a Sex Therapist

 

As a sex therapist, I’m going to give you the low down about how much sex is healthy in a long term relationships.  I have studied this as my dissertation topic in clinical sexology, and I am very interested in asking you how much sex is normal or how much sex is healthy in your long term relationship? Specifically when you live with this person… for over 3 years… is how I am describing a long term relationship.

So… you have asked how much sex is healthy when you are discussing partnered sex in sexual partners! This is one of my favorite questions to answer… and I will break it down for you on HOW much sex is normal, and then how much sex is healthy yearly when it comes to marriage or cohabitating partnerships.

What is the frequency of your sex life? Is sex in marriage or sex in long term relationship different than what you expected it to be? I understand. I have heard this for over a decade with the couples I work with.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health. Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

sensate focus

Sensate Focus: What Is It & How It Works?

Sensate Focus: What Is It & How It Works?

 

Have you ever heard of sensate focus? It is a technique that improves intimacy and communication around sex between partners, while also reducing sexual performance anxiety, and abandoning any sexual pattern that doesn’t serve a couple. The sensate focus technique was developed 60 years ago by Dr. William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson and involves a series of touching exercises a couple completes in one sequence. 

The goal of sensate focus is for partners to let go of the expectations and judgments around mutual touching, and rather focus only on the sensory aspects of touch, such as texture, temperature, and pressure. Master and Johnson created this technique to help couples relax and be more mindful of the sensual touching experience, without the burden of preconceived ideas of what should occur. 

Also known as mindful touching or non-orgasm-focused touch, the sensate focus has proved to help improve intimacy and quality of sex life for many couples, especially those who have issues with body image, desire, arousal, orgasm, erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation. 

 

You will find many variations of this technique, yet the founders have outlined it as a process that involves five steps. 

1. Non-Genital Touching

The first step requires both partners to be clean, unclothed, and well-rested. If they don’t feel comfortable being naked, they can choose to wear comfortable clothes that are not restraining them in any way. One partner is the toucher and the other one is the receiver in the first step of the sensate focus. Halfway through the initial steps, the partners will switch roles, so both of them can experience what it’s like to be the toucher and the receiver. 

The receiver will lie down in a position that feels comfortable for them, while the toucher touches them anywhere on the body which is not breasts or genitals. The idea is to enjoy the sensuality of touch instead of using it as a tool for sexual arousal or stimulation. Even if one partner or both of them become sexually excited, they should resist the temptation to have sex because it leads to the same sexual partners. The founders of sensate focus suggest 15 minutes as the maximum time to explore all the sensations touching and being touched can arise in a person. 

2. Genital and Breast Touching

In the second step, the partners will continue with the same structure, however, the genitals and breasts are no longer “off limits”. Partners are still focused on exploring which sensations they feel when immersed in the power of a touch, instead of sexual stimulation. In other words, the toucher shouldn’t spend more time touching the genitals and breasts than any other body area. One of the partners will likely become aroused in this step, yet they should continue with the technique, instead of turning it into a sexual encounter.

Here, the couple can utilize the hand riding technique, which allows them to use their hand to give nonverbal cues like slightly increasing the pressure. If using this technique, the receiver must sit in between the legs of their partner to feel even more connected.

3. Adding Lotion or Lubricant

In step three, you will repeat everything from the previous step, only with the addition of oil or lotion when touching the body and a lubricant for the genital touching. The founders of the sensate focus believed that adding lotion or lubricant improves sensory awareness by altering the medium of touch. 

The important thing to know is that the oil or lotion used for body touching mustn’t be cold, so you should warm it before you dive into exploring this technique or simply warn it in your hands before putting it on the receiver’s body. 

4. Mutual Touching

Now, both partners will be allowed to touch each other at the same time. There are no more roles, and both can be the receiver and the toucher at once. The basic principles from the third step stay, however, when mutually touching each other, partners should resist their desire for sexual intercourse. Instead, they should continue with the mindset of noticing all the sensations and feelings of touch.  

Also, couples can now use their lips and tongue to touch each other, yet still without kissing or oral sex. This ensures they don’t go back to their old sexual patterns and discover a completely new level of sensuality and connection caused by sensory appreciation.

5. Sensual Intercourse

Masters and Johnson coined the term “sensual intercourse” to describe the last phase of sensate focus. Throughout the entire technique, the couple was focused on building a new level of awareness when it comes to touching. Ergo, they shouldn’t revert to their old sexual behaviors, which were often mechanical and orgasm-driven. 

Partners should continue practicing mindfulness when sensually touching each other by becoming aware of the temperature, texture, and shape of their genitals. They might decide to insert and remove fingers or penis into the vagina several times before continuing. Some couples choose to vary their breathing and observe how it affects the sensations, while others might decide to continue with touching. Whichever the choice, both partners should stay aware of the magic of touch and all the physical sensations it awakens in them. 

Conclusion

By abandoning your old sexual patterns and behaviors, you are able to connect on a new level with your partner. As most sex and romantic partners start touching each other as foreplay that aims to lead to sexual intercourse. Sensate focus allows us to explore how we feel about the touch and how our partner is reacting when we touch them.

This strengthens intimacy and sexual connections between partners, and more importantly, it helps them to discover new dimensions of their sexuality. It breaks the limits of sex only being the same series of actions, typically only orgasm-driven. And introduces a new way of understanding how powerful touching our loved ones can be in itself. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Trauma focused therapy

Trauma Focused Therapy: What Is It & How It Works

Trauma Focused Therapy: What Is It & How It Works

 

Trauma focused therapy provides adults, youth, teens, and everyone else with a safe, confidential place to talk about their personal experiences, problems, feelings, or thoughts. As we’re seeing more patients seeking this type of therapy. We’ve decided to help our interns specialize in trauma focused therapy and provide our clients with what they need.

People who go to trauma focused therapy have usually experienced a situation that affected their thinking, feelings, mood. Or the ability to connect with others and are looking for a safe place to talk about it with someone who will understand and guide them. As trauma focused therapists, we are dedicated to providing you with all the support and guidance you need in recovering from the trauma that occurred and feeling fulfilled and happy again.

What is Trauma Focused Therapy?

This is a specific approach to therapy in which therapists are focused on understanding how a traumatic experience can impact a person’s mental, behavioral, emotional, and physical health. It is based on a deeper understanding of the connection between the traumatic experience and how a person is reacting to it. Both emotionally and behaviorally. 

The objective of trauma focused therapy is to provide skills and strategies to help the person better understand what happened and how to cope with the consequences of the event, from emotions to memories. While working with our trauma focused interns. You will learn how to create a healthier and more adaptive meaning of the experienced that occurred to you. Considering that traumatic events are more complex than we assume, having professional guidance helps us recover quicker and more efficiently. While also learning more about ourselves and how we react to other situations in our lives. 

Reasons to Start Trauma Focused Therapy

If you or someone you know has experienced a traumatic event and is not certain whether trauma focused therapy is the right choice. Learn all the benefits of this specific approach to therapy. 

The first reason why someone should consider trauma focused therapy is that it truly helps understand the trauma on a deeper level. The person can learn about the connection between the traumatic event and the emotional and behavioral responses which help them gain more control over their life. Not understanding why you feel a certain way or thoughts that appear can cause even more confusion and frustration for someone who is trying to recover from a certain trauma. 

Also, trauma focused therapy helps the person re-establish safety. When guided through their experience, a person can learn the needed tools that will help them get their life back on track. As many of our clients who’ve experienced a traumatic event struggle to go back to their life before the event occurred. We’re focused on helping them heal from it to ensure they are able to live their lives as they want.

Trauma is followed by triggers, and not knowing what is causing you to feel sad, scared, angry, alone, or frustrated might lead to reliving your traumatic experience over and over again. By participating in trauma focused therapy, a person will learn to identify, understand. And verbalize their memories and feeling linked to the trauma. Especially with young people and teens, their reactions might seem sudden and not being able to help them understand their reactions prevents them from healing. 

Besides recovering from a trauma, therapy helps us develop healthy coping skills that will be valuable in many situations in our lives. This also allows the person to build a healthier life, relationships with others, and self-esteem. After all, the more satisfied you are with your life, the easier it is to leave your trauma in the past and look forward to what the future holds. 

Trauma Focused Therapy Activities

In trauma focused therapy, therapists can use a variety of activities and strategies that indicate a quick and efficient recovery. These activities or strategies will differ from client to client and are mostly based on their age, trauma experience, location, or setting. In other words, a teenager who has lost a parent recently will participate in different therapy activities from a war vet struggling with PTSD. 

Our trauma focused interns may use different creative activities and strategies while addressing your memories, emotions. Or problematic behaviors linked to traumatic experiences as part of the therapy. These activities are conducted sensitively and uniquely for each person seeking trauma focused therapy.

Trauma Focused Therapy vs Other Therapy Approaches

Luckily, therapy has been evolving over the past few decades and we’re seeing more approaches being practiced in the United States. However, when trying to differentiate one approach from another, it might be quite confusing for someone who is simply looking to start therapy and is not sure in which direction to go.

As its name indicates, trauma focused therapy is focused on helping individuals recover from a certain traumatic event or a series of traumatic events that occurred in their lives. Trauma focused therapists are not focused on areas unaffected by the trauma. For instance, a person who has been violently robbed in a foreign country will not treat their eating disorder in a trauma focused therapy unless the eating disorder began after the traumatic event.

When starting general therapy, you will talk about any topic you want with your therapist. Unlike general therapists, trauma focused ones are educated and skilled to help you heal from a trauma that happened and is preventing you to live your life like you used to. A trauma focused therapist has a specialty in trauma and emotional and behavioral responses a person might experience after the event. 

Seeking Help

Whether it’s you or someone close to you, seeking help is the first step to recovering from a traumatic experience. We’re often convinced that not thinking about something makes it go away, yet it’s completely the opposite. Our trauma focused interns can help you heal from the trauma. While also helping you enjoy your life as you used to. 

The space you will come into is completely safe, neutral, and comfortable. You will feel encouraged to talk about your feelings, thoughts. And behaviors that appeared due to this event as much as you want to. Don’t forget, you should have control over your trauma and not your trauma over you!

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do