how to flirt with a guy

Learn How To Flirt With A Guy

Learn How To Flirt With A Guy

 

Do you remember the last time you saw a cute someone in your favorite restaurant and bar and spent the night observing them because you didn’t know how to flirt with a guy? Well, it happens to more people than you would imagine. Although it’s completely natural to come up and introduce yourself to someone you like, we often feel blocked, whether it’s because of our insecurities or something else.

As flirting is tied to having sex, it is a part of our biological instinct. In other words, it will not be that difficult for you to start flirting and enjoy it all the way. So, if you need a bit of encouragement for the next time you see a guy you like, you will find everything you need to know about flirting in this article.

Boosting Your Confidence

To really feel good when flirting, you will need to boost your confidence first. You’ll be surprised how little it takes for you to feel great about yourself. Even a new haircut or a pair of jeans will help you feel like the queen of flirting. If you haven’t worn makeup for a long time, why not put on a bit of lipstick and mascara, and you’ll notice the instant change in how you see yourself in the mirror? 

If you weren’t planning on flirting on the night you went out with your best friend, and still saw a guy you’d really like to get to know. There are a few tricks to boost your confidence even in an environment like that. Go into the ladies’ room and take a look at yourself in the mirror. Rapidly scan for the things you like about yourself tonight. For instance, how you did your hair, how your blouse matches your eyes, or how your face looks well-rested because of that afternoon nap. Literally, anything can be your confidence booster!

Master The Small Talk

If you plan to flirt, you have to be prepared to do the small talk as well. Getting good at the small talk will definitely upgrade your flirting game, so you can start practicing it with people you see in the grocery shop, people from other departments at work, your neighbors, etc. As much as most irrelevant small talks revolve around weather, traffic, or news. Make sure you avoid these topics when trying to flirt with the guy you like.

Instead, start the conversation with something observational. You can share with them you really like the DJ the bar has tonight or that your crush is eating your favorite dish from this restaurant. If there is some spark between you two, this will be more than enough to make them notice you and want to spend some time talking to you. 

Flirting Starts With The Eyes

If you feel shy when looking someone you like in the eye, you will need to practice it until you perfect it as the chemistry mostly happens in the stare. Think of eye contact as more than just seducing someone or feeling uncomfortable when they look at you. By maintaining eye contact, you will also get their feedback. You will see which topics they are interested to talk about and what makes their eyes wander across the room because they don’t feel invested in the interaction.

Similar to small talk, you can practice eye contact with the people around you. Oftentimes, those who feel a bit shy to look their crush in the eye and flirt with time are also uncomfortable with the eye contact with other people in their daily lives. 

Stay Positive And Smile

People will feel attracted to you if you’re positive, smiling, and laughing with the people you’re with. Of course, if the entire flirting situation is making you feel uncomfortable, it will be difficult to be the life of the party. Yet you can still have a smile on your face and laugh if someone said something funny.

Keeping a positive attitude will also help you feel good about yourself. That’s why you should think about who you bring with you to a night of flirting. Invite your friends that make you feel good and avoid inviting friends who prefer deeper conversations as it will be difficult to pay attention to both them and your crush. The friend who knows you’re trying to master the flirting game will be the friend who will be your best support in these moments. 

Tease Your Crush

Okay, this is where the really flirt comes in. Yes, you’ve gotten really good at small talk and maintaining eye contact, yet the teasing part is what will bring you the results you were hoping for since the moment you noticed him. A lot of guys will feel attracted to a woman with a great sense of humor and crack a few jokes about him. With that being said, you will need to be careful. The guy might not be amused by your joke, so keep it light.

The safe way to play it is to tease him by giving him a compliment. For instance, you can say that you won’t call a Uber to take you home because his big, strong hands can carry you and your friend. If you noticed he was bored by the company of his friend. You can make a joke about how glad you are to manage to talk to him before he rushed out of the place while his friend was at the restroom. 

In Final Words

Don’t think of flirting as an exam where you’ll fail or pass, think of it as a game. If you didn’t manage to get the attention of the guy tonight, there will be another one you will like. Try not to take it so seriously as you will miss all the fun that all this flirting and seducing brings.

Don’t focus too much on the results. Enjoy the game and if something doesn’t go as planned. Look at it from the positive side and make a joke or two about it with your friend. Keep in mind that nobody will have the perfect score when it comes to flirting. So just make the best of it. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How To Flirt With A Girl: 101 Guide

How To Flirt With A Girl: 101 Guide

 

Learning how to flirt with a girl is not something you are born with, yet it is not that difficult to learn. Some people are more comfortable with flirting, while others need to make an effort in showing another person they like them. Regardless of your category, there is always something to learn and make your flirting game better.

With flirting, we’re always so focused on the result that we forget to enjoy the flirting process itself. Just ask yourself to remember your past flirting experiences, and you’ll see that the first memories popping up are about whether the person liked you or not. As much as we all flirt to show our interest in the other person and hopefully, get them interested to talk to us, we need to start thinking of flirting as an art. 

Undoubtedly, the oil painting you’re looking at in front of you is mesmerizing. Now imagine how much the artist enjoyed painting and creating this art piece, while not being aware of how it will turn out in the end. Luckily, learning how to flirt with a girl is much easier than learning how to paint art. 

To help you become confident in your flirting game, we’ve decided to share all our tips and tricks to help you get the girl you’ve been secretly thinking about recently.

Be Yourself

Before you start rolling your eyes because of how obvious this advice is, take a moment to think about it. Do you remember that time when you put on a shirt your parents bought you for formal occasions to impress a girl? Do you remember when you applied to play on the basketball team, thinking it makes you look cooler in front of the girls? 

We’ve all done it, yet being yourself is your best chance for success. There are probably dozens of your peers joining sports teams, so it will not make you stand out from the rest. Instead, think about the things you are passionate about and demonstrate them. Maybe you know a foreign language or two, you’re good at your favorite video game, or you enjoy reading comic books. These are all the things that can make you unique and interesting to a certain girl. And trust us, there is nothing that girls appreciate more than confidence in the person that is trying to flirt with them.

Ask Them Questions

Most young people will be focused on impressing their friends that they’ll forget to show interest in another person. Asking a girl questions about her life and things she finds important will show her you pay attention. For instance, you can ask her how she managed to ace that maths test that easily. This is not too personal, yet it still shows that you’ve remembered her grade for a certain reason. 

Also, you can ask general questions about what music they listen to, movies they watch, friends you have in common, etc. You can even share details about your life and ask them for an opinion. Let’s say you need to go to your friend’s birthday party and don’t have an idea what to buy them as a gift. Asking the girl you like for help will show her you want to hear her opinion and it might even lead to you two looking for the perfect gift in the nearest shopping mall.

Show Your Interest

 If you’re not sure if the girl you like likes you back, it is time to show your interest in her. You don’t have to say it directly to her, yet you can show her with a few gestures that you like her. For example, you can say that you liked the T-shirt she wore yesterday or say that she made a clever comment in the morning class when talking with the professor. 

You can compliment her hair, her smile, her intelligence, or how she makes you feel. All of these things will help her realize you like her and hopefully, she will start seeing you as more than just a friend. If you feel confident she likes you back or you want to be direct, you can do that as well. Share how she makes you feel and leave her enough time to come back to you with her answer. 

Invite Her To Do Something Together

If you’re always around other people and you wish to be alone with her, invite her to see a movie she wants to see, to a sports game in your city, a concert by a band or musician you both love, etc. Spending some time alone will help you reveal your flirting game, and also allow her to focus more on just you. 

If you’re clueless about the activity, think about something you both enjoy. It can be anything, from watching people walk by you to going for a jog together in the park. You can also ask her what she would like to do by suggesting a day and asking her to come up with the activity. If she spends time thinking about what to do with you, it means that she likes to be around you. 

Give Her a Unique Gift

Forget buying her something at a shopping mall and do something for her instead. Make a list of your favorite songs and share it with her. Give her your T-shirt that she likes and write a short, cute note on the inside. Help her with the subject she is struggling with by preparing notes that might help her learn quicker and more efficiently. If you give her something personal, she will understand you like her. 

Buying something might confuse her and make her feel obligated to treat you nice because you bought her something. Giving something that is yours or creating it on your own is a warm, friendly gesture that shows you’ve been thinking about her and wanted to let her know that.

Conclusion

Always be yourself. The right girl will appreciate it and you will feel better if someone falls in love with you because of you and not what you pretended to be. Just like she seems perfect the way she is, allow her to see you as you are.

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Lesbian Orgasm

Your Ultimate Guide To Better Lesbian Orgasm

Your Ultimate Guide To Better Lesbian Orgasm

 

If you are a woman who loves dating other women, learning about a lesbian orgasm is vital for both your sex life and your relationship. From learning which positions provide great pleasure to understanding how a body with a vagina works, this guide will provide you with it all.

You never had sex with a woman yet feel curious to find out what you can expect? We will reveal all the tips and tricks to make your first time as magical as possible.

Lesbian Sex

The difference between lesbian sex and sex between the opposite sexes is that to achieve orgasm, clitoral stimulation is crucial. So, it is vital to know everything about the ways to use the clitoris and give an orgasm to your partner. As much as it is true that stimulation is a big part of lesbian sex, you can still enjoy penetrative sex as much as you would enjoy clitoral stimulation. The choice is entirely up to you and your sexual partner!

When compared to hetero sex, clitoris and other erogenous zones are a bigger priority than just the act of penetration. As stimulation provides a different sensation than penetration, many bisexual people say they experience more pleasure while having sex with women than men. 

If you are looking for inspiration, take a look at some of the most popular sex positions among lesbian couples that will bring incredible satisfaction to you and your partner in bed and everywhere else you like to get freaky!

It’s 69 O’clock!

This position is among favorites among lesbians couples as it allows each partner to give and receive clitoral stimulation. One person will need to lie on top of the other, facing each other in the opposite direction. In other words, your feet should be where their head is, and your partner should do the same. With 69, both of you will be able to have your mouths right next to each other’s vagina.

The great thing about this 69 is that you can easily switch positions, so both of you can be on the top during sex. For those who will not feel comfortable with this top-bottom position, you can also practice 69 on the side. Whichever of these two options you choose, you will not be disappointed! 

Let Me Sit On Your Face!

If you like dominative and submissive games, face sitting is an excellent position to have fun with it. The person on top (dominant) will sit on the face of the other person (submissive) who is in the laying position. For those who enjoy role-playing, you can even include that as well when in this position.

The person sitting on someone’s face is in complete control, getting all the pleasure they can get from this position where mouth and tongue stimulate the clitoris. 

The Good Old Doggy! 

Most people will think of hetero couples when talking about the doggy-style position, yet many lesbian couples will recommend it to any rookie joining the club. Simply by adding a strap-on, partners can make the most of the doggy style and achieve great pleasure for both of them. The reason why doggy-style sex is so pleasant for partners with vaginas is the receiving partner can stimulate the nipple and clitoris with the fingers or a vibrator while the other partner is behind. 

This position is a good choice for anyone who loves deep penetration. Due to the angle of penetration, the doggy style brings great satisfaction to the person on all fours. If you are looking to take it one step further, why not blindfold and tie the hands of the receiving partner and heighten their senses that way?

Stretch Me, Baby!

The stretch is very similar to doggy style, so the chances are if you are a fan of one, you will probably enjoy the other one as well. With this position, the partner will slide underneath the other partner while lying on their back. Either you or your partner will stay on all fours and stretch the arms out in front. At the same time, you will need to raise the bottom as high as possible for a better feel. In other words, one partner will be underneath the other who will support their body with hands and knees. 

This position provides both partners with an incredible sensation and is more intense for the partner doing the stretching. So, if you were looking for something new to try in the bedroom, stretching is the position the both of you will surely enjoy!

Bossing Around!

If you like being in control during sex, this is what you need to make the most of your sexual experiences. You will sit in a chair or on the edge of your bed and spread your legs wide. Under your feet, you will place a pillow and tell your partner to crawl between your legs. Then, you will wrap your legs around their neck to find the right angle and use your hips to navigate your partner.  

This position can be just the start of you bossing your partner. You can tell them to be quiet and follow your instructions. Guide them during the entire time on what you need to achieve an orgasm.

Vibrate My Nipples!

Of course, there are plenty of couples who are not into the penetration game. If you were thinking of vibrators as toys for penetrating, it might surprise you once you have experienced their stimulation potential! For many people, nipples are an erogenous zone, and just by someone touching, licking, kissing, and biting their nipples, they achieve great pleasure. So, why not use the power of the good old vibrator and graze it along the nipples to experience something completely different?

You can use it for foreplay and during sex, depending on how you want things to go. One thing is for sure, you both will enjoy it and come back to the nipple game a few times more. Once you get tired of it, you can buy a differently shaped vibrator or change the speed on the one you have, and you will be more than amazed!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Dating Someone With ADHD? Here’s All You Need To Know

Dating Someone With ADHD? Here’s All You Need To Know

 

Maybe your partner has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder or ADHD or maybe you’ve just started dating someone with ADHD and you wish to learn more about it. Whichever your situation might be, these symptoms can affect your relationship, so it’s vital to be conscious of how to deal with it. The estimation is that around four percent of adults live with ADHD, yet it’s still very undiagnosed in people so the given number could even be higher.

If you’re in a relationship where your partner has ADHD, you will find everything you need to know when dating someone with ADHD here.

ADHD In Adults

Many symptoms might make you think your partner has ADHD, yet they will need to have more than one on this list to be diagnosed with it. Some of the main characteristics of ADHD in adults are:

  • challenging to concentrate
  • getting distracted easily
  • difficulty completing important tasks on time
  • getting so focused on something that the rest of the world no longer exists
  • struggling to stay organized or motivated
  • quick and sudden mood changes
  • impulsive behavior
  • fatigue or sleep problems

What’s important to say when talking about symptoms of ADHD in adults is that they create stress and tension, and also lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in a life of a person with ADHD. So, if you’re eager to help your partner, yet are not sure where to start, several simple techniques might help you improve your relationship. 

1. Motivate Them to Talk to a Professional.

If your partner still hasn’t been diagnosed with ADHD, try to encourage them to talk to a mental health professional as they can help your partner understand more about ADHD and how it’s affecting their life. More than that, a professional will help an adult with ADHD learn skills and coping strategies to manage ADHD symptoms with more ease. 

As someone with this diagnosis will typically have issues with expressing themselves and establishing quality relationships, a professional will also help them practice their communication skills, address anxiety and other conditions they might have. Most importantly, a professional will help them explore treatment options.

 

2. Keep In Mind You’re Their Partner, Not Their Parent. 

You may try to sweep up the mistakes of your partner with ADHD before they even happen and try to remind them constantly of what is acceptable and what’s not. As much as you might think that that’s what keeps your relationship going, it’s not. By doing so, you’re taking away the equality between you two and treating your partner as a child. 

Instead, treat your partner as a part of the team by offering encouragement instead of pointing out their mistakes and introducing them to disciplinary techniques to improve their behavior. Keep in mind that your mental health and energy are equally important and you shouldn’t sacrifice them. 

3. Be Patient. 

As much as it might get challenging for you at times, keep in mind that ADHD is a mental health condition. Your partner didn’t choose to have it in their life and their behavior is very much affected by the condition most of the time. They don’t want to make you angry, sad, or miserable. And you probably know all of this, yet it’s quite challenging to always be aware of it. 

That’s why it’s important to practice patience. Focus more on how they feel instead of their performance or completion of their daily tasks. The more you understand how it looks from their perspective, the easier it will be to be supportive and offer compassion.

4. Talk. Talk. Repeat. 

Even when being in a relationship with someone who has different habits than you do, it’s vital to communicate to reduce the possibility of conflict. So, when dating someone with ADHD, communication will become the most important factor in your relationship. Use that time to also share how you feel and what’s difficult for you. Yes, it’s important to help your partner deal with their ADHD, yet they need to be aware of how their diagnosis is affecting your relationship.

This might help them work on their behavior and look for adequate help. When talking to your partner, avoid phrases like ‘You never…’, and ‘You always…’ as they will not produce the quality conversation you were hoping for. Be considerate and kind, yet realistic of your partner’s condition. Keep the conversations short yet efficient, so you don’t lose their attention.

5. Solve Each Problem Separately. 

You shouldn’t manage every aspect of your partner’s life as it sends the wrong message. Your partner can take care of themselves and they understand they need to put extra effort due to ADHD. Don’t try to fix them, instead focus on each problem separately and look for solutions together.

For instance, if your partner is always running late, help them set phone reminders and manage time better. There are plenty of apps for scheduling and time management that many people with ADHD are using on a daily basis. If they struggle with memorizing things, you can leave them notes around the house and help them be more productive with their tasks. The important thing here is not to get carried away, you will not make your partner’s ADHD disappear with these little techniques. You can only make it easier for them to manage different aspects of their lives. 

In Final Words

Similar to how your techniques will not be able to cure your partner’s ADHD symptoms, seeking professional help will not make it go away either. If you’re determined to stay in your relationship, you will need to be aware that ADHD will remain a part of your relationship, yet it will not dominate it anymore. As your partner learns how to manage their diagnosis, they will be able to be a better partner to you as well. 

You will notice that their behavior is changing also at work, with their friends, and with their daily routines. They will become more responsible, successful with time management and communication, and that’s essentially what will improve your relationship and make it last. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

dating someone with autism

Autistic Dating: Keys For Dating Someone With Autism

Autistic Dating: Keys For Dating Someone With Autism

 

As being single and open to dating isn’t challenging on its own already, dating someone with autism has another set of obstacles a person needs to be aware of.

 

Autistic adults just like neurotypical adults can range from no interest in romance or dating to highly motivated to pursue romantic relationships. There is no “normal.” 

If you’re interested to learn what you need to know when it comes to autistic dating, you can find the relevant information here. Whether you’re seeking advice for yourself, your friend, or your relationship partner, here is what’s important to keep in mind.

The Dating Scene

 

The hardest question to answer when it comes to dating is where to meet. If you’re autistic and single, you’ve probably tried going to your favorite bars, yet that rarely produces results. Fortunately, there are plenty of other ways to meet someone.

The best way to start is to think about your daily activities. What do you like to do? Some people enjoy jogging in the park early morning, while others enjoy taking long train rides home. It might be whichever activity comes to mind. Start noticing people around you when you’re involved in this activity and find groups on Meetup.com that like this activity!

For instance, you might notice someone you’d like to meet during your morning jog. Or when you look away from your book on the train. All of these moments are more suitable to start a conversation with someone rather than in a noisy bar. 

However, keep in mind that there are environments such as work that are not the best place to seek romance as they might lead to more complications than benefits. Imagine if the person is not interested to go out on a date with you and you will have to see them each day after you’ve popped the question. 

What About the Dating Apps?

If any of the examples from above made you feel uncomfortable, it probably means you need more practice starting a conversation with someone. And, that’s what makes online dating so popular.

 

You don’t have to get out of your comfort zone to meet someone and you can be in control of how much you want to share. Similarly, autistic adults can decide when they want the interaction to start and end. 

Getting familiar with a person before meeting them is helpful in more ways than one. You can easily see if you have similar interests, if you like how the communication flows between you two, if there is a romantic spark or a great friendship possibility, etc. 

This way, if you are interested in that person, you can plan ahead what to do and which topics to cover on your first date. Although there are great benefits to dating apps, be cautious and always put your safety first when you’re planning to meet someone in person for the first time. Also, be cautious from the first moment you start interacting with someone online as there are people who are using these platforms for deceptive purposes. 

Participate in Group Activities

So, if you don’t see yourself starting a conversation in a bookshop with someone you like or opening a dating profile, what’s left for you? One of the best ways to meet a person who will share the same interests as you is by participating in a social group or club activities. Group activities will typically be less stressful for an individual than one-on-one situations as the focus is on the activity.

There are various groups you can start participating in, from sports, arts, business, and so on. If you’re not a fan of any particular sport or art. You can always look for events at a nearby museum or restaurant. Maybe it will be karaoke, movie quiz, sports trivia, or something completely different. 

Autistic Dating

Some autistic adults have sensory issues, so these might be a concern when dating. If physical contact seems uncomfortable at first, that’s completely okay. If hugging feels like too much for you when dating, you can always go with hand-holding as an alternative. Another thing you’ll need to consider is the location of your date. If it takes place somewhere loud and with visual stimulation, you can always go somewhere quieter or take as many breaks as you need with your date.  

The toughest one is usually small talk for me, as someone who identifies neurodiverse.

 

When on a date, you can actually cover so many topics ranging from music, movies, sports, books, and anything else that you enjoy.

 

If you don’t have any idea on which questions you’d ask on a first date, just think about what excites your friends, and use it as your baseline. 

Besides small talk, dating leads to a build up of intimacy.

 

Before you start being physical with another person, make sure you have both communicated yes to it. In other words, make sure that both of you are intending to get needs met from the strategy of physical intimacy. 

 

Handling Rejection… And Moving On

Facing rejection is never easy. You can be the most experienced person in the dating world. Yet you will feel equally uncomfortable each time someone rejects you. It can also be embarrassing and painful, and that’s why you need to be aware of the possibility of rejection when you decide to ask someone on a date. If someone turns you down, it just means it wasn’t a good fit. You also don’t go around asking everyone out because you have your own preferences. The same way it is with everyone else. 

No matter who and how someone rejects, don’t allow it to crush you and never take it personally. Instead, wish that person well, go back to your favorite activities, and soon, you will find another person you like. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Dating a Liar

Are You Dating a Liar?

Are You Dating a Liar?

 

We all have omitted truths at times, yet are you dating a liar? 

Whether it’s a white lie or something small to children, all lie from time to time. 

When you are in a relationship trust and truth are the building blocks for a solid foundation for lifelong relationships. 

Therefore, lies can be like a crane and destroy the foundation you spent your whole relationship building.  Often, it is easy to lose sight of what might be true or false in life, especially when it comes to relationships. 

 

Here are some signs you are dating a liar.

They lie frequently– We all know we should trust our gut instincts. If your immediate thought is that the person you are talking to is lying to you, you are probably right. Actually, compulsive liars will lie about all things. Similarly, their lies are subtle, so they may go unnoticed.  This can make it difficult to tell when they are telling the truth or not.

They are seeking attention– If the person you are talking to seeks attention in an overwhelming way, they may be a liar. Liars may bend the truth as a way to try and impress you and those around you. Sometimes, you will notice that they act like a child constantly implying “look at me! Pay attention!”

They have self-esteem issues– More times than not, the reason people lie is because they want to avoid certain realities or perceptions about themselves. Lying gives them a sense of ego-boosting power. They can be whoever they want to be, if they lie about it.

Their body language is telling– You can learn about a person solely through his or her body language. For “beginner” liars, they may not look you in the eye. They will always try to avoid eye contact by looking away or at the floor. The more comfortable a liar becomes they can manage to stare straight in your eyes and continue to lie.  Other body language signs are standing with their arms crossed or simply turning away from you because they do not want to look at you. In extreme cases, people will start to sweat because they are so nervous about lying.

Their stories change– The problem with liars is even they cannot keep their stories straight. They might tell you a story and it has a totally different plot and ending compared to the ones they share in front of others. Or they will tell you one story today and tomorrow the same story will be completely different. They are known for being great storytellers.

They are unable to confront the truth– Compulsive liars have the inability to confront the truth. Liars will not admit to the truth no matter how much you beg them to or confront them with evidence. Once they have told one lie, they feel like it is their duty to stick to it. Even if you know the 100 percent absolute truth about something, they will still convince you that you are wrong and they are right.

You can sense a “relationship rut”- If you see your intimacy has reached a low point, where perhaps you are not emotionally connecting, spending adequate time together, participating in engaging conversation or showing much affection, then a rut is likely and your partner could be compelled to start lying to you.

They speak in an emotionally unstable way–  If your partner’s phrasing, tone and emotional language is off, then it’s possible that he or she is lying to you. It might be shown as erratic outbursts, shaky tones, and weirdly constructive and defensive statements. Conversations are supposed to be a comfortable and familiar place with each other, so if your partner’s language is odd, keep your guard up.

They are overly secretive– If your partner is overly secretive or shady, such as he or she is always heading to the shower upon arriving home, pays mostly in cash, has different sets of keys, or even has different cell phones or numbers then it might mean something is up.

If any of these signs sound familiar, do yourself a favor and get out. Walking away won’t be enough because every time you try to leave, their lies may convince you to stay. 

The longer you stay in a relationship with a compulsive liar, the more complicated the relationship will become. Continuing to build a relationship on lies will make the foundation crumble. This eventually will lead to a verbally abusive relationship. Please be aware that not all abusive relationships involve physical or sexual abuse. 

The lies can create damage to the core of your relationship. Lies are not easy to spot, especially during the “honeymoon” phase, and it is easy to overlook them. We tend to dismiss thoughts which are unpleasant, as we just want to feel happy with the people we are with.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine’s Day

There are many different types of aphrodisiac foods in the world, and some of them tend to get us more in the mood than others. 

Aphrodisiac foods are those foods that are commonly associated with increasing one’s sensual and sexual drive. 

A date night might be low key and be about getting away for a night, while sometimes, couples enjoy a more celebrated culinary adventure. 

Food can lay the groundwork for the after-dinner celebrations for many couples.  

Below are some of the more commonly known foods:

One of the most commonly known aphrodisiac foods is Oysters. 

Aphrodisiac Foods

Whether you have them on the half shell, Rockefeller, or simply once a year for Valentines Day these are known to boost libido in both men and women. 

Urban legend has it that Casanova once seduced a consenting virgin by sliding an oyster from his lips to hers. Yum! 

Oysters contain tons of zinc, a mineral important in the production of testosterone and sperm production. Plus, they contain dopamine – one of my favorite brain chemicals.

Pumpkin usually gets all of its attention when the leaves change, and everyone is needing their Pumpkin Spice fix for the year. Enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Latte or a slice of Pumpkin Pie will get you enough fiber and potassium which is great for stamina. Magnesium is also found in pumpkin and is also great for calming nerves and muscles.

Avocados get a great reputation because they are a healthy source of fat for the body. A sexy fun fact about your favorite $2 add-on at Chipotle: the Aztec word for avocado is “ahuacatl,” which means “testicle.” 

And… besides their sex-thetic appeal, avocados also contain high levels of folic acid, vitamin B9, and vitamin B6. All of these vitamins are great for providing your body with more energy and are also known for increasing testosterone production.

A Fun Drink!

When we think about celebrating this next aphrodisiac “food” seems like the most obvious. Champagne is commonly associated with celebrating the New Year, Engagements, Weddings, and other special events in a couple’s life. 

Aphrodisiac Foods

Champagne is about getting in the mood rather than the actual science behind the bubbles. In fact, studies have shown that for women, limited amounts of alcohol can increase subjective desire and potentially lower inhibitions. Larger amounts or chronic consumption can reduce libido and overall health. Therefore, skipping the alcohol is my suggestion. 

Back to Foods!

Another food to try is asparagus. Why? Because it has a high amount of vitamin E which can increase blood and oxygen flow to the genitals. Similarly, asparagus has high levels of potassium, linked to sex hormone production. Plus, if the suggestive phallic shape of the food helps get you in the mood, then excellent!

Salmon is our next food and has many health benefits not only for your sex drive. Many studies have shown salmon is high in omega-3 fatty acids, which is important for your libido. Hence, why you keep seeing it all over vitamin bottles. 

In terms of helping your libido, it is supplying the building blocks for production of estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone. Salmon is more commonly found on daily menus in restaurants, but it is very common to find it on special holiday menus.

A Spice!

Saffron is commonly used for coloring and seasoning food, and it’s known as the world’s most costly spice. The history of saffron as an aphrodisiac dates back to Cleopatra, who reportedly bathed in saffron-infused milk for its aphrodisiac qualities. 

Recent studies have also shown that saffron also helps increase sperm motility in infertile men and can decrease some of the sexual side effects from taking certain antidepressants.

Hot Chilies is a broad category of different types and heat levels. Capsaicin, is the stuff responsible for making chili peppers spicy. Scoville units is another way to determine how spicy a pepper will be. 

Capsaicin stimulates nerve endings on the tongue, which releases epinephrine or adrenaline. This is the chemical that increases your heart rate to release endorphins. We recommend eating them and not actually rubbing chili peppers on your partner’s body for optimum enjoyment.

A Fun Treat
Watermelon is also high in citrulline, a phytonutrient, that increases the amount of nitric acid in the body. With the increase of nitric acid it increases blood flow, blood vessel relaxation, and sexual arousal. 

If you have any more tips on foods, feel free to comment below! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

National Couples Day

The 3 Parts of an Optimal Sexual Experience on National Couples Day!

The 3 Parts of an Optimal Sexual Experience on National Couples Day!

It is National Couples Day on August 18! How do you celebrate? 

Have you ever heard of this hallmark holiday? 

For me, National Couples Day just solidifies my wedding anniversary! 

Do you have special traditions or celebration ideas? I’m often in favor of a tradition or celebration with my partner… especially if it is just us!

 

9 Things to Do Other Than Watch a Screen Tonight! National Couples Day

  1. Evening stroll
  2. Listen to an Audiobook
  3. Sit outside
  4. Biking or hiking
  5. Meetup.com to go to an appropriate event
  6. Bedroom date night
  7. Dress up and take photos together in the house
  8. Cook your favorite dinner
  9. Journal together on your goals for the upcoming year

If you do what you have always done, you will get the results you have gotten. 

Do not move too quickly into deciding what you will do. 

Enjoy the process of discussing it with your partner(s). Why not? 

Describe your idea of an amazing couples erotic template to them. 

See if it is even close. 

Then ask if you can describe yours. You may be off, and that’s ok. 

There is a bridge to connection if you are both willing!

 

National Couples Day Tips for a Relationship Reboot

Being yourself, authentically seen, and the presence and ability to let go! Connection with your partner in the moment is a wonderful goal for National Couples Day. Just connect. No expectations – just fun and pure pleasure. 

Activate what you felt in the beginning again! 

 

The 3 Major Components of an Optimal Sexual Experience!

National Couples Day

1.Updated Communication Strategies – learn to use NVC or our communication e guide

Hear out your partners’ needs and be honest about what you are/aren’t open to, and what you’re willing to explore. Once you have gone back-and-forth talking about your preferences and desires, clearly outline what is in your comfort for the night!

Speak to them the way they like to be spoken to. Ask your partner their favorite nicknames to be called by you. Ask them which one has an effect on them erotically (if any). 

2.Revitalizing Passion – the tricky part is being tuned into what’s going on inside yourself and being connected with another person. 

What is your partner’s vision or desire for this ritual? Can you do another one next week for what you desire? Why only have one night? 

3.Scheduling Time without Screens – Why no phones or screens? Because being embodied is about being alive to THE PRESENT moment in each other’s embrace (eye gaze or touch) with the goal that nothing can distract you.

More specific considerations that have worked for me that may or may not work for you:National Couples Day

  • Take loving care of myself and my spouse by lighting candles
  • Keeping our home neat
  • Listening to white noise sound machines, or agreeing to the playlist of the night. 
  • No television, no movies, and no radio. My team even helps me publish all these posts on days that I am with my partner, so it seems like I am here, yet it’s really them. I am ACCEPTING the support instead of feeling guilty that I can’t do it all! 

Give yourself more than your usual amount of time to plan and prepare for days with your partner that are supposed to be sacred or special! 

Plan it into your calendar, just like you would an event, and schedule LESS work or “distractions” to prioritize your partner. 

This shows our partner that we are putting in the enthusiasm we did in the beginning of our partnership. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

love language quiz

Get On The Same Page and Take a Love Language Quiz!

Get On The Same Page and Take a Love Language Quiz!

A love language quiz is a great way to figure out what makes you and your partner(s) feel most loved. The concept of the love languages was first popularized in Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages, yet the concept of these strategies for connection has been used by couples therapists for decades in one way or another.

A love language quiz can help you if you find your love is a little lost in translation, and it can be a simple way to bring some clarity to how you or your partner interpret love and what you value in your relationships, both romantic and platonic.

So, what are the love languages and what do they mean?

 

Results For a Love Language Quiz

1.Words of Affirmation

If you desire to be praised, encouraged or told “I love you” regularly to feel connected to your partner, your love language may be words of affirmation!

Text messages telling you to have a wonderful day, compliments on your appearance, acknowledgment of your hard work, and praise for your accomplishments are all things that can make you (or another) feel loved, connected and appreciated.

People who desire words of affirmation may feel hurt or neglected if they do not have frequent verbal (or written) reassurance that they are loved, attractive and appreciated. 

Even if their partner feels all of these things towards them, if it isn’t being communicated verbally a person who needs words of affirmation may not pick up on it.

If your partner needs words of affirmation to feel connected to you, try complimenting them more, or thanking them for things that they do around the house, or send them kind or flirty messages via text out of the blue regularly. This includes telling them they are beautiful and sexy! A simple “I love you” is also impactful and a classic if you can’t always find the words.

love language quiz 

2.Acts of Service

This may be your love language if you feel most appreciated when your partner does things for you, big and small, or does the tasks they know you don’t like, or find ways to generally make your life better through their actions. Action is definitely the key word here!

Running you a bath, bringing you a hot cup of coffee in the morning while you’re just barely awake, scraping the ice off of your car because they know you hate doing it, driving your mother to the airport- for you, actions speak louder than words, and these are the kinds of things that make you really feel your partner cares.

You can feel let down if your partner doesn’t seem to help out, or if they don’t follow through on a promise. The key to feeling loved for you is that your partner wants to take actions both large and small that will make your life easier or happier.

If your partner requires acts of service, realize that the little things can really add up: a gesture as simple as doing their laundry or making their favorite meal after a stressful day can have a big impact. And of course, grander gestures are always welcome: take their car in for an oil change after they’ve been complaining they haven’t had time to do it, help your brother-in-law move into his new apartment. It is important to your partner that you consistently notice when they are tired, overwhelmed or busy and that you make efforts to help them- without necessarily being asked!

love language quiz 

3.Receiving Gifts

This love language is pretty much what you’d expect- you love getting gifts and treats as confirmation that you are loved! They needn’t be lavish or expensive, sometimes the most thoughtful token is the most memorable.

A small souvenir from a business trip, fresh flowers “just because”,  picking up something silly because it reminds them of an inside joke you share- these are the things that make you feel cherished. Of course, a diamond bracelet wouldn’t hurt, yet it isn’t the gift itself. 

The thought behind it that makes you feel special.

If receiving gifts is your love language, you may feel let down if your partner “doesn’t believe in exchanging gifts” or only gives you gifts on appropriate occasions like birthdays- and even then, they are impersonal or generic. The important thing is that the gift is an expression of their love- not materialistic bait to keep you hanging on.

Gifts can also represent relationship milestones in your mind, symbols of progress: think a family heirloom making you feel like you’re being welcomed into your partner’s family, or a tiny pair of baby socks to celebrate a pregnancy, lingerie or sex toys to show how desired you are, or a trip somewhere you’ve been dreaming of as an expression of their excitement to go on adventures together. If money is a concern, you may feel guilty for feeling neglected, but gifts can be as simple as a homemade card, some candy or a joke gift that will bring you a laugh.

love language quiz 

4.Quality Time

The love language of quality time is all about giving (or receiving) undivided attention. It is about feeling like your partner actually wants to spend time with you, even if you’re not doing anything together!

Reading books quietly side by side, special date nights on the regular, taking time to check in and be close with each other are all aspects of spending quality time with your partner.

It can be hurtful if your partner is flaky with plans, is distracted or texting during a date or doesn’t seem to be engaged when you’re having conversations. It can make you feel unimportant or like you’re playing second fiddle to other aspects of your partner’s life and they never have time to see you.

If your partner values quality time as a love language, try really paying attention to them when they talk about their day. Ask questions, and put down the phone! Take them on a romantic date, or book a vacation for just the two of you- whatever you can do to show your partner that time with them is just as important (if not more) than the time you spend on other parts of your life such as work or school. It’s not about making your partner your ONLY priority- it’s about making time spent together a priority that you take seriously and enjoy!

quality time 

5.Physical Touch

The love language of physical touch is not just reserved for sexually intimate moments- it can be non-sexual moments of physical affection, sweet kisses, tickles, or simply holding hands. Of course, sex can be a major expression of love no matter what your love language is!

You can feel rejected if you crave physical touch, yet your partner is shy about holding your hand in public. Similarly, if they only seem to kiss you when being sexually intimate, or if they don’t seem to want sex as often as you do… it can lead to confusing for those who value phyical touch. 

If physical closeness is important to you, any rejection of that closeness can really sting, and a lack of connection can make you feel lonely and distant.

If your partner needs physical touch as an expression of love, deliberately look for opportunities to touch them in everyday life: 

  • stroke their hair
  • hold their hand
  • scratch their back
  • give them a massage
  • Many hugs for no reason
  • Touch your feet together while you catch up on your tv shows

touch

If they feel like they have a higher libido than you do and need more sexual contact to feel loved, it may be time to evaluate your sexual communication and desires with the help of a registered therapist. 

Remember, you shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex if you don’t want to, and they shouldn’t pressure you either! 

To be clear, the love language of physical touch isn’t necessarily sexual, so finding ways to be closer in day to day life can be a worthwhile challenge you can begin to explore right away!

 

After reading about all five of the love languages, you may realize that one or two – or even all five – resonate with you. This is normal! 

Most people are a combination of all of the love languages in some way. The key is realizing which language you desire from a partner (and which language they desire from you) to bring clarity to how you communicate and show appreciation, and what your expectations are from loving relationships. 

Tip one… start by spending some time together taking a love language quiz!

LOVE LANGUAGE QUIZ HERE!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

addictive personality

What is an Addictive Personality?

What is an Addictive Personality?

 

You may ask yourself, what is an addictive personality?

Addiction has multiple parts to it and many people state they have “addictive personalities.”

What the heck does that mean?

Do you know someone who becomes consumed with different things or people?

Do you or others you know seem to become obsessive in relationships?

Do you know someone who is compelled and seems out of control in various aspects of their life?

Do you wonder why you are out of control or do you struggle to be able to manage relationships without becoming obsessive?

Do you often find yourself going from one substance or “high” of New Relationship Energy (NRE) to another?


Big “A” vs Little “a”

These may be indicators of an “addictive personality.”

In my clinical practice, I use the “A”ddiction and “a”ddiction.

To me, “A” is the one most referred to in our society and within clinical settings and surrounds drugs, alcohol, compulsive gambling, and some schools of thought would include sex and/or food.

In that regard, I do not treat as many people with or specialize in the “A”.

To be clear, neither is more valid or important – both are equally important to focus on and treat. 

I would say I work with a lot of folks who engage in obsessive or addictive patterns that would fall under the little “a.” 

In my experience, addiction often focuses on someone’s need to numb or escape some type of emotion or experience.

This could be from trauma, anxiety, depression, dysfunctional relationships or family systems, etc.

People with “addictive personalities” often use addiction as a strategy to feel differently than they do in order to “function.” 

Whether people are experiencing “A” or “a”, both result in what I would consider a chemical reinforcement in our brain and often a physical or emotional reinforcement in our minds and bodies.

This chemical high is a major reinforcement of the strategy or the “thing” (person, drink, drug, etc) that becomes the compulsion. Does this sound like anyone you may know? 

Have you ever been this person?

In working with addiction, it would seem that most addiction comes from some level of trauma someone experienced within their life and their addiction is a way or strategy to manage this.

We so often focus on the behavior in treatment, and to be clear that can be VERY necessary, HOWEVER, I would argue that until we are able to treat what is below that behavior [and have someone understand the why and the what the pattern of behavior (or strategy)] will just continue.

Common Underlying Issues Related to “Addictive Personality”

  • Codependency
  • Trauma (physical, emotional, sexual, etc.)
  • Family members (biological) who have history of substance use (research shows genetic component)
  • Family members or community members who have substance use history
  • Common coping is avoidance
  • Narcissism or increased self-focus
  • Systemic Trauma (institutional racism, white supremacy, heteronormativity)
  • Frequently invalidated throughout life
  • External locus of control
  • Significant difficulty in self-regulation

The list of “addict personality” traits can go on and on!

Seriously, there are many more, and these are just common ones that I have noticed in our practice. 

We hope this answers your question for “what is an addictive personality?”

If you feel like this post speaks to yourself or someone you know, therapy can be a very effective way in doing this work. Various providers engage in different techniques to help people who struggle with addiction. I truly encourage people to really do the inner work to find more adaptive strategies that do not reinforce these addictive patterns. 

We are here to help at LCAT, we have various therapists who have training and understanding in all the A/a’s. Please join us on your healing journey!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.