Dating a Liar

Are You Dating a Liar?

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Are You Dating a Liar?

 

We all have omitted truths at times, yet are you dating a liar? 

Whether it’s a white lie or something small to children, all lie from time to time. 

When you are in a relationship trust and truth are the building blocks for a solid foundation for lifelong relationships. 

Therefore, lies can be like a crane and destroy the foundation you spent your whole relationship building.  Often, it is easy to lose sight of what might be true or false in life, especially when it comes to relationships. 

 

Here are some signs you are dating a liar.

They lie frequently– We all know we should trust our gut instincts. If your immediate thought is that the person you are talking to is lying to you, you are probably right. Actually, compulsive liars will lie about all things. Similarly, their lies are subtle, so they may go unnoticed.  This can make it difficult to tell when they are telling the truth or not.

They are seeking attention– If the person you are talking to seeks attention in an overwhelming way, they may be a liar. Liars may bend the truth as a way to try and impress you and those around you. Sometimes, you will notice that they act like a child constantly implying “look at me! Pay attention!”

They have self-esteem issues– More times than not, the reason people lie is because they want to avoid certain realities or perceptions about themselves. Lying gives them a sense of ego-boosting power. They can be whoever they want to be, if they lie about it.

Their body language is telling– You can learn about a person solely through his or her body language. For “beginner” liars, they may not look you in the eye. They will always try to avoid eye contact by looking away or at the floor. The more comfortable a liar becomes they can manage to stare straight in your eyes and continue to lie.  Other body language signs are standing with their arms crossed or simply turning away from you because they do not want to look at you. In extreme cases, people will start to sweat because they are so nervous about lying.

Their stories change– The problem with liars is even they cannot keep their stories straight. They might tell you a story and it has a totally different plot and ending compared to the ones they share in front of others. Or they will tell you one story today and tomorrow the same story will be completely different. They are known for being great storytellers.

They are unable to confront the truth– Compulsive liars have the inability to confront the truth. Liars will not admit to the truth no matter how much you beg them to or confront them with evidence. Once they have told one lie, they feel like it is their duty to stick to it. Even if you know the 100 percent absolute truth about something, they will still convince you that you are wrong and they are right.

You can sense a “relationship rut”- If you see your intimacy has reached a low point, where perhaps you are not emotionally connecting, spending adequate time together, participating in engaging conversation or showing much affection, then a rut is likely and your partner could be compelled to start lying to you.

They speak in an emotionally unstable way–  If your partner’s phrasing, tone and emotional language is off, then it’s possible that he or she is lying to you. It might be shown as erratic outbursts, shaky tones, and weirdly constructive and defensive statements. Conversations are supposed to be a comfortable and familiar place with each other, so if your partner’s language is odd, keep your guard up.

They are overly secretive– If your partner is overly secretive or shady, such as he or she is always heading to the shower upon arriving home, pays mostly in cash, has different sets of keys, or even has different cell phones or numbers then it might mean something is up.

If any of these signs sound familiar, do yourself a favor and get out. Walking away won’t be enough because every time you try to leave, their lies may convince you to stay. 

The longer you stay in a relationship with a compulsive liar, the more complicated the relationship will become. Continuing to build a relationship on lies will make the foundation crumble. This eventually will lead to a verbally abusive relationship. Please be aware that not all abusive relationships involve physical or sexual abuse. 

The lies can create damage to the core of your relationship. Lies are not easy to spot, especially during the “honeymoon” phase, and it is easy to overlook them. We tend to dismiss thoughts which are unpleasant, as we just want to feel happy with the people we are with.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Aphrodisiac Foods for Valentine’s Day

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There are many different types of aphrodisiac foods in the world, and some of them tend to get us more in the mood than others. 

Aphrodisiac foods are those foods that are commonly associated with increasing one’s sensual and sexual drive. 

A date night might be low key and be about getting away for a night, while sometimes, couples enjoy a more celebrated culinary adventure. 

Food can lay the groundwork for the after-dinner celebrations for many couples.  

Below are some of the more commonly known foods:

One of the most commonly known aphrodisiac foods is Oysters. 

Aphrodisiac Foods

Whether you have them on the half shell, Rockefeller, or simply once a year for Valentines Day these are known to boost libido in both men and women. 

Urban legend has it that Casanova once seduced a consenting virgin by sliding an oyster from his lips to hers. Yum! 

Oysters contain tons of zinc, a mineral important in the production of testosterone and sperm production. Plus, they contain dopamine – one of my favorite brain chemicals.

Pumpkin usually gets all of its attention when the leaves change, and everyone is needing their Pumpkin Spice fix for the year. Enjoying a Pumpkin Spice Latte or a slice of Pumpkin Pie will get you enough fiber and potassium which is great for stamina. Magnesium is also found in pumpkin and is also great for calming nerves and muscles.

Avocados get a great reputation because they are a healthy source of fat for the body. A sexy fun fact about your favorite $2 add-on at Chipotle: the Aztec word for avocado is “ahuacatl,” which means “testicle.” 

And… besides their sex-thetic appeal, avocados also contain high levels of folic acid, vitamin B9, and vitamin B6. All of these vitamins are great for providing your body with more energy and are also known for increasing testosterone production.

A Fun Drink!

When we think about celebrating this next aphrodisiac “food” seems like the most obvious. Champagne is commonly associated with celebrating the New Year, Engagements, Weddings, and other special events in a couple’s life. 

Aphrodisiac Foods

Champagne is about getting in the mood rather than the actual science behind the bubbles. In fact, studies have shown that for women, limited amounts of alcohol can increase subjective desire and potentially lower inhibitions. Larger amounts or chronic consumption can reduce libido and overall health. Therefore, skipping the alcohol is my suggestion. 

Back to Foods!

Another food to try is asparagus. Why? Because it has a high amount of vitamin E which can increase blood and oxygen flow to the genitals. Similarly, asparagus has high levels of potassium, linked to sex hormone production. Plus, if the suggestive phallic shape of the food helps get you in the mood, then excellent!

Salmon is our next food and has many health benefits not only for your sex drive. Many studies have shown salmon is high in omega-3 fatty acids, which is important for your libido. Hence, why you keep seeing it all over vitamin bottles. 

In terms of helping your libido, it is supplying the building blocks for production of estrogen, testosterone, and progesterone. Salmon is more commonly found on daily menus in restaurants, but it is very common to find it on special holiday menus.

A Spice!

Saffron is commonly used for coloring and seasoning food, and it’s known as the world’s most costly spice. The history of saffron as an aphrodisiac dates back to Cleopatra, who reportedly bathed in saffron-infused milk for its aphrodisiac qualities. 

Recent studies have also shown that saffron also helps increase sperm motility in infertile men and can decrease some of the sexual side effects from taking certain antidepressants.

Hot Chilies is a broad category of different types and heat levels. Capsaicin, is the stuff responsible for making chili peppers spicy. Scoville units is another way to determine how spicy a pepper will be. 

Capsaicin stimulates nerve endings on the tongue, which releases epinephrine or adrenaline. This is the chemical that increases your heart rate to release endorphins. We recommend eating them and not actually rubbing chili peppers on your partner’s body for optimum enjoyment.

A Fun Treat
Watermelon is also high in citrulline, a phytonutrient, that increases the amount of nitric acid in the body. With the increase of nitric acid it increases blood flow, blood vessel relaxation, and sexual arousal. 

If you have any more tips on foods, feel free to comment below! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

National Couples Day

The 3 Parts of an Optimal Sexual Experience on National Couples Day!

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The 3 Parts of an Optimal Sexual Experience on National Couples Day!

It is National Couples Day on August 18! How do you celebrate? 

Have you ever heard of this hallmark holiday? 

For me, National Couples Day just solidifies my wedding anniversary! 

Do you have special traditions or celebration ideas? I’m often in favor of a tradition or celebration with my partner… especially if it is just us!

 

9 Things to Do Other Than Watch a Screen Tonight! National Couples Day

  1. Evening stroll
  2. Listen to an Audiobook
  3. Sit outside
  4. Biking or hiking
  5. Meetup.com to go to an appropriate event
  6. Bedroom date night
  7. Dress up and take photos together in the house
  8. Cook your favorite dinner
  9. Journal together on your goals for the upcoming year

If you do what you have always done, you will get the results you have gotten. 

Do not move too quickly into deciding what you will do. 

Enjoy the process of discussing it with your partner(s). Why not? 

Describe your idea of an amazing couples erotic template to them. 

See if it is even close. 

Then ask if you can describe yours. You may be off, and that’s ok. 

There is a bridge to connection if you are both willing!

 

National Couples Day Tips for a Relationship Reboot

Being yourself, authentically seen, and the presence and ability to let go! Connection with your partner in the moment is a wonderful goal for National Couples Day. Just connect. No expectations – just fun and pure pleasure. 

Activate what you felt in the beginning again! 

 

The 3 Major Components of an Optimal Sexual Experience!

National Couples Day

1.Updated Communication Strategies – learn to use NVC or our communication e guide! 

Hear out your partners’ needs and be honest about what you are/aren’t open to, and what you’re willing to explore. Once you have gone back-and-forth talking about your preferences and desires, clearly outline what is in your comfort for the night!

Speak to them the way they like to be spoken to. Ask your partner their favorite nicknames to be called by you. Ask them which one has an effect on them erotically (if any). 

2.Revitalizing Passion – the tricky part is being tuned into what’s going on inside yourself and being connected with another person. 

What is your partner’s vision or desire for this ritual? Can you do another one next week for what you desire? Why only have one night? 

3.Scheduling Time without Screens – Why no phones or screens? Because being embodied is about being alive to THE PRESENT moment in each other’s embrace (eye gaze or touch) with the goal that nothing can distract you.

More specific considerations that have worked for me that may or may not work for you:National Couples Day

  • Take loving care of myself and my spouse by lighting candles
  • Keeping our home neat
  • Listening to white noise sound machines, or agreeing to the playlist of the night. 
  • No television, no movies, and no radio. My team even helps me publish all these posts on days that I am with my partner, so it seems like I am here, yet it’s really them. I am ACCEPTING the support instead of feeling guilty that I can’t do it all! 

Give yourself more than your usual amount of time to plan and prepare for days with your partner that are supposed to be sacred or special! 

Plan it into your calendar, just like you would an event, and schedule LESS work or “distractions” to prioritize your partner. 

This shows our partner that we are putting in the enthusiasm we did in the beginning of our partnership. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

love language quiz

Get On The Same Page and Take a Love Language Quiz!

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Get On The Same Page and Take a Love Language Quiz!

A love language quiz is a great way to figure out what makes you and your partner(s) feel most loved. The concept of the love languages was first popularized in Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages, yet the concept of these strategies for connection has been used by couples therapists for decades in one way or another.

A love language quiz can help you if you find your love is a little lost in translation, and it can be a simple way to bring some clarity to how you or your partner interpret love and what you value in your relationships, both romantic and platonic.

So, what are the love languages and what do they mean?

 

Results For a Love Language Quiz

1.Words of Affirmation

If you desire to be praised, encouraged or told “I love you” regularly to feel connected to your partner, your love language may be words of affirmation!

Text messages telling you to have a wonderful day, compliments on your appearance, acknowledgment of your hard work, and praise for your accomplishments are all things that can make you (or another) feel loved, connected and appreciated.

People who desire words of affirmation may feel hurt or neglected if they do not have frequent verbal (or written) reassurance that they are loved, attractive and appreciated. 

Even if their partner feels all of these things towards them, if it isn’t being communicated verbally a person who needs words of affirmation may not pick up on it.

If your partner needs words of affirmation to feel connected to you, try complimenting them more, or thanking them for things that they do around the house, or send them kind or flirty messages via text out of the blue regularly. This includes telling them they are beautiful and sexy! A simple “I love you” is also impactful and a classic if you can’t always find the words.

love language quiz 

2.Acts of Service

This may be your love language if you feel most appreciated when your partner does things for you, big and small, or does the tasks they know you don’t like, or find ways to generally make your life better through their actions. Action is definitely the key word here!

Running you a bath, bringing you a hot cup of coffee in the morning while you’re just barely awake, scraping the ice off of your car because they know you hate doing it, driving your mother to the airport- for you, actions speak louder than words, and these are the kinds of things that make you really feel your partner cares.

You can feel let down if your partner doesn’t seem to help out, or if they don’t follow through on a promise. The key to feeling loved for you is that your partner wants to take actions both large and small that will make your life easier or happier.

If your partner requires acts of service, realize that the little things can really add up: a gesture as simple as doing their laundry or making their favorite meal after a stressful day can have a big impact. And of course, grander gestures are always welcome: take their car in for an oil change after they’ve been complaining they haven’t had time to do it, help your brother-in-law move into his new apartment. It is important to your partner that you consistently notice when they are tired, overwhelmed or busy and that you make efforts to help them- without necessarily being asked!

love language quiz 

3.Receiving Gifts

This love language is pretty much what you’d expect- you love getting gifts and treats as confirmation that you are loved! They needn’t be lavish or expensive, sometimes the most thoughtful token is the most memorable.

A small souvenir from a business trip, fresh flowers “just because”,  picking up something silly because it reminds them of an inside joke you share- these are the things that make you feel cherished. Of course, a diamond bracelet wouldn’t hurt, yet it isn’t the gift itself. 

The thought behind it that makes you feel special.

If receiving gifts is your love language, you may feel let down if your partner “doesn’t believe in exchanging gifts” or only gives you gifts on appropriate occasions like birthdays- and even then, they are impersonal or generic. The important thing is that the gift is an expression of their love- not materialistic bait to keep you hanging on.

Gifts can also represent relationship milestones in your mind, symbols of progress: think a family heirloom making you feel like you’re being welcomed into your partner’s family, or a tiny pair of baby socks to celebrate a pregnancy, lingerie or sex toys to show how desired you are, or a trip somewhere you’ve been dreaming of as an expression of their excitement to go on adventures together. If money is a concern, you may feel guilty for feeling neglected, but gifts can be as simple as a homemade card, some candy or a joke gift that will bring you a laugh.

love language quiz 

4.Quality Time

The love language of quality time is all about giving (or receiving) undivided attention. It is about feeling like your partner actually wants to spend time with you, even if you’re not doing anything together!

Reading books quietly side by side, special date nights on the regular, taking time to check in and be close with each other are all aspects of spending quality time with your partner.

It can be hurtful if your partner is flaky with plans, is distracted or texting during a date or doesn’t seem to be engaged when you’re having conversations. It can make you feel unimportant or like you’re playing second fiddle to other aspects of your partner’s life and they never have time to see you.

If your partner values quality time as a love language, try really paying attention to them when they talk about their day. Ask questions, and put down the phone! Take them on a romantic date, or book a vacation for just the two of you- whatever you can do to show your partner that time with them is just as important (if not more) than the time you spend on other parts of your life such as work or school. It’s not about making your partner your ONLY priority- it’s about making time spent together a priority that you take seriously and enjoy!

quality time 

5.Physical Touch

The love language of physical touch is not just reserved for sexually intimate moments- it can be non-sexual moments of physical affection, sweet kisses, tickles, or simply holding hands. Of course, sex can be a major expression of love no matter what your love language is!

You can feel rejected if you crave physical touch, yet your partner is shy about holding your hand in public. Similarly, if they only seem to kiss you when being sexually intimate, or if they don’t seem to want sex as often as you do… it can lead to confusing for those who value phyical touch. 

If physical closeness is important to you, any rejection of that closeness can really sting, and a lack of connection can make you feel lonely and distant.

If your partner needs physical touch as an expression of love, deliberately look for opportunities to touch them in everyday life: 

  • stroke their hair
  • hold their hand
  • scratch their back
  • give them a massage
  • Many hugs for no reason
  • Touch your feet together while you catch up on your tv shows

touch

If they feel like they have a higher libido than you do and need more sexual contact to feel loved, it may be time to evaluate your sexual communication and desires with the help of a registered therapist. 

Remember, you shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex if you don’t want to, and they shouldn’t pressure you either! 

To be clear, the love language of physical touch isn’t necessarily sexual, so finding ways to be closer in day to day life can be a worthwhile challenge you can begin to explore right away!

 

After reading about all five of the love languages, you may realize that one or two – or even all five – resonate with you. This is normal! 

Most people are a combination of all of the love languages in some way. The key is realizing which language you desire from a partner (and which language they desire from you) to bring clarity to how you communicate and show appreciation, and what your expectations are from loving relationships. 

Tip one… start by spending some time together taking a love language quiz!

LOVE LANGUAGE QUIZ HERE!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

addictive personality

What is an Addictive Personality?

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What is an Addictive Personality?

 

You may ask yourself, what is an addictive personality?

Addiction has multiple parts to it and many people state they have “addictive personalities.”

What the heck does that mean?

Do you know someone who becomes consumed with different things or people?

Do you or others you know seem to become obsessive in relationships?

Do you know someone who is compelled and seems out of control in various aspects of their life?

Do you wonder why you are out of control or do you struggle to be able to manage relationships without becoming obsessive?

Do you often find yourself going from one substance or “high” of New Relationship Energy (NRE) to another?


Big “A” vs Little “a”

These may be indicators of an “addictive personality.”

In my clinical practice, I use the “A”ddiction and “a”ddiction.

To me, “A” is the one most referred to in our society and within clinical settings and surrounds drugs, alcohol, compulsive gambling, and some schools of thought would include sex and/or food.

In that regard, I do not treat as many people with or specialize in the “A”.

To be clear, neither is more valid or important – both are equally important to focus on and treat. 

I would say I work with a lot of folks who engage in obsessive or addictive patterns that would fall under the little “a.” 

In my experience, addiction often focuses on someone’s need to numb or escape some type of emotion or experience.

This could be from trauma, anxiety, depression, dysfunctional relationships or family systems, etc.

People with “addictive personalities” often use addiction as a strategy to feel differently than they do in order to “function.” 

Whether people are experiencing “A” or “a”, both result in what I would consider a chemical reinforcement in our brain and often a physical or emotional reinforcement in our minds and bodies.

This chemical high is a major reinforcement of the strategy or the “thing” (person, drink, drug, etc) that becomes the compulsion. Does this sound like anyone you may know? 

Have you ever been this person?

In working with addiction, it would seem that most addiction comes from some level of trauma someone experienced within their life and their addiction is a way or strategy to manage this.

We so often focus on the behavior in treatment, and to be clear that can be VERY necessary, HOWEVER, I would argue that until we are able to treat what is below that behavior [and have someone understand the why and the what the pattern of behavior (or strategy)] will just continue.

Common Underlying Issues Related to “Addictive Personality”: 

  • Codependency
  • Trauma (physical, emotional, sexual, etc.)
  • Family members (biological) who have history of substance use (research shows genetic component)
  • Family members or community members who have substance use history
  • Common coping is avoidance
  • Narcissism or increased self-focus
  • Systemic Trauma (institutional racism, white supremacy, heteronormativity)
  • Frequently invalidated throughout life
  • External locus of control
  • Significant difficulty in self-regulation

The list of “addict personality” traits can go on and on!

Seriously, there are many more, and these are just common ones that I have noticed in our practice. 

We hope this answers your question for “what is an addictive personality?”

If you feel like this post speaks to yourself or someone you know, therapy can be a very effective way in doing this work. Various providers engage in different techniques to help people who struggle with addiction. I truly encourage people to really do the inner work to find more adaptive strategies that do not reinforce these addictive patterns. 

We are here to help at LCAT, we have various therapists who have training and understanding in all the A/a’s. Please join us on your healing journey!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Relationships covid-19

Relationships in Covid-19

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Relationships in Covid-19

 

It’s easy to love someone when you’re in control of how much time you spend together. When life’s normal, it feels like we spend a ton of time with the people we love. 

However, what about when life’s not normal? How does quarantine change things?

The Covid-19 epidemic has upended a lot of what we think is normal. We’re all working from home, we can’t go out, and when we do, we have to keep a distance between us and other people.

A lot of public figures have tried to put a positive spin on social distancing by encouraging you to spend more time with the people you love. That sounds like a wonderful thing to do, nevertheless you may find it’s not always the easiest.

Unfortunately, the people closest to us often bear the brunt of our stress and frustration over things we can’t control. During these incredibly stressful times, we need to focus on how we can nurture relationships with the people we love and avoid turning on each other.

 

Recognize the Pressure You’re Under

When you heard your company was going all-week teleworking for the foreseeable future, you probably got a bit excited. You had visions of you and your partner at the dining room table, laptops out, taking turns on conference calls.

You’d switch making nice, home cooked meals for each other and watch the world go by.

If you’ve gone through a week or two of teleworking with family at home, you know by now that the dream is often not the reality. Working from home can feel extremely alienating. Until they’re gone, we don’t notice how sustaining the routine and social interactions we have at work are.

Remote work can feel very lonely, and absent the frequent validation we feel at work. We must take regular self-inventory to come to grips with the emotions we’re going through.

 

Validate Your Loved Ones

Knowing how much of a strain you’re under, you can bet that your partner is under the same pressures. Even if they are more used to working from home, they’re not used to you being around all the time. There may even be some insecurity about you seeing how they use their time. Maybe they’re worried about how productive they appear around you.

Relationships Covid-19

What you can do during Covid-19 isolation is offer more positive feedback and validation to your loved ones. That means your spouse, partner, kids, and whoever you’re at home with.

If your loved one is one of the few that are still going to work because they can’t telework or they’re serving a crucial function (like a healthcare worker), then they probably need even more support.

 

Periodic Relationship Social Distancing During Covid-19

Maybe one of the benefits of the Covid-19 crisis is that we’re all going to become a bit more emotionally mature. Even though staying at home more could sound like fun at first, you’re likely to find out rather quickly how important having space is.

Even though spending all day with the fam sounds like a dream, it’s gonna get old real quick. You need to practice social distancing indoors as well to keep things harmonious.

Don’t feel like you need to do everything together. Take a walk by yourself. Work in the bedroom one morning. If you’ve got kids, play a board game with them one afternoon so your partner can get some real work done.

Going from spending a few hours together each day to spending ALL day with your partner is a huge adjustment. Make sure you maintain some distance and help each other cope through this difficult time.

 

Find Ways to Relax

Yes, you should keep exercising during the epidemic. Stress eating is real folks, and a lot of us are doing it. Sadly, we’re not talking about going for an early jog.

I mean, no one works every minute of the workday while they’re at work. We have breaks, stop for lunch, and if you work in an office you probably don’t want to count how many times you’ve checked Instagram or texted with friends.

If you’re new to teleworking, it’s probably going to take a few days, and eventually, you’ll relax and realize that productivity doesn’t mean sitting in front of your computer waiting for an email to come in.

Push away from the table, leave your phone on the counter, and take a breather every once in a while. If you’re stuck inside all day with your partner, go over and scratch their back, take a break and cuddle on the bed. Increasing physical touch is a great stress reliever.

 

Creative Ways to Work Up a Sweat

Sex is perhaps the greatest stress reducer if done right. For you, with a hectic work schedule and other obligations, it may have been a while since you had sex in the morning or made love on the couch with the TV on.

When routines are thrown out the window during Covid-19, it’s the perfect time to shake your sex routine up as well. Finding creative ways to make love and connect with your partner is exhilarating. It’s the perfect distraction from the chaos around us.

If you want to do your partner a favor, turn it on in the bedroom and get kinky! Break out the toys and maybe even mess with a new identity. Things are wacky right now, so you can blame the experimentation on the times. It’s a great excuse!

Try to sneak a quickie in between virtual work meetings. Commit to having more sex! We’ve all got more time on our hands, so break out of your “weekend only” routines.

Sex, when done right, can be about excitement, connection, intimacy, and so many more things. You can try all sorts of different sex while we’re dealing with the situation, we find ourselves in.

Above everything else, we should find ways to do what we can for those we care about during turbulent Covid-19 times. Reach out, be there, and show love.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

winter blues

Dealing with the Winter Blues – Ways to Deal with Depression

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Dealing with the Winter Blues – Ways to Deal with Depression

The Winter Blues can be rough, specially for those of us who have dealt with or deal with depression.

The days are shorter, the sun for some reason loves to hide from us, and it rains a lot. 

Depending on where you live, you can leave the door in the morning when it’s still dark out and get back home in the pitch black, feeling a bit like you’re in the twilight zone.

There’s nothing wrong with an occasional down spell. They’re perfectly normal. Every person goes through emotional cycles, so it’s important not to get too down on yourself if you catch a bit of the winter blues.

What you should be concerned about though, is when and if those winter blues linger for too long. They might start impacting your life more than you’d like them to, particularly if they start to influence how you feel about yourself.

 

The Limiting Effects of Depression

Depression is a serious condition that affects millions of people in the U.S. and around the world. At its worst, it can be debilitating. According to the Stanford School of Medicine, “At least 10% of people in the U.S. will experience major depressive disorder at some point in their lives. Twice as many women as men experience major depression.”

Now, we’re not saying that the winter blues equal a major depressive disorder, however it’s important to understand that they can. Feeling down and like you want to curl up on the couch all weekend once in a while is fine.

 

Be on the alert, though, if you start to feel like you can’t shake it!

When things get you down and you’re in a funk, there are things you can do to lift your spirits. It’s not easy, so start with small changes that can make a huge difference in how you feel. Here are some effective ways you can deal with the winter blues.

 

Therapeutic Help

Winter Blues

I hope by now you’ve had the chance to meet with a licensed therapist. If you haven’t, well, at least you’re here and perhaps considering it. You don’t need to be dealing with major trauma, divorce, or some other disruptive life event to get something out of therapy.

Therapists are trained to help you see patterns and work through life’s issues. Sometimes that involves dealing with some of the heavier stuff. Even for the small stuff, talking to a therapist is a fantastic way to identify what’s triggering the winter blues.

It may be your work schedule, the fact that you’re not getting enough sun, whether you’re exercising, or if you’re not spending sufficient time around friends and loved ones. Having a trained therapist sit and work with you on ways you can fight off the winter blues is time well spent.

 

How Diet Matters

In a new January 2020 article from Harvard Medical School, Dr. Monique Tello talks about how vital self-care is to helping depression. 

Diet, she says, is often a neglected part of self-care. There is overwhelming evidence that a healthy diet helps prevent poor mental health.

Take a look at what you’ve been eating for the past week or so and think about whether your current bout with the winter blues can be traced back to your diet. 

Sometimes, people have certain allergies to foods, and they eat them anyway. 

Other times, people use eating disorder behaviors and go extreme when it comes to sugar reduction and / or binging and purging behaviors. Remember, we do not advise eating disordered behaviors under any conditions! 

 

Keep It Moving

Exercise should be another major component of your self-care plan. 

When you work out, you give your brain a much-needed break from the stress and worry that tends to fill up so much of our minds. 

winter bluesHigh-intensity interval training exercise can have a wonderful way of clearing out our heads because we’re so focused on the task at hand.

When you exercise, you’re also out of the house, and that increases the odds you’ll come in contact with other people! 

Getting outside and in nature or a gym is great for clearing those winter blues!

You’re also more likely to feel positive about yourself when you’re in the habit of exercising. 

You gain confidence in what your body can do and will feel generally stronger about yourself. That’s a wonderful boost to your confidence and mental health.

 

Be Positive!

I put this title there on purpose. It’s mostly a joke because we all know how frustrating it can be when we tell a friend or a loved one that we’re feeling down. “Just be positive!”, they often say, and we roll our eyes thinking they just don’t get it.

It’s never super helpful when someone gives blanket general advice when you’re experiencing the winter blues. That’s even truer when it’s something specific that’s got you down. On the other hand, making a concerted effort to be positive will have an impact on your mood and mental health.

Hanging around positive people and taking a break from any Debbie Downers in your life can help cut the winter blues short. Engaging in positive activities also helps. If you can’t stand doing the laundry, take a break and go out for a fun night with a friend. Make a goal to compliment people at work each day for a job well done.

As you take concrete steps to be around and spread positivity, you’ll find it creeping into you as well. It will go a long way in lifting your mood so you can charge back into life on your terms.

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

free couples therapy tips

What are the 5 love languages Sexual Satisfaction!? 

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What are the 5 love languages Sexual Satisfaction!? 

 

The 5 Love Languages are part of the key for developing strategies you need to guarantee your Sexual Satisfaction!

So, today, we will answer how to use your five love languages quiz answers for sexual satisfaction. 

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining us in this topic of the five love languages! 

In this video, I’ll be answering: what are the five love languages and how to use the 5 love languages to have your sex and love life last. Moreover, I will answer your questions about the love languages for sexual satisfaction.

 

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own sexual fun with the love languages! 

My tips will hopefully break through months or years of stuckness in strategies to get sexual connection with the use of the 5 love languages quiz. 

Cannot wait for you to learn how to use the 5 Love Languages Summary to get the sex you want 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from the 5 love languages, feel free to share it. 

Interested in starting your journey? Start your journey.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Perfect Sex Getaway

Secrets to Your Perfect Sex Getaway

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Secrets to Your Perfect Sex Getaway

 

Long-time couples know the power of a sex getaway all too well. You’re not worried about the headboard slamming against the wall waking the kids up. 

It’s a chance to let loose and moan a little louder. Sex getaways are also the best way to shake free of the “Wednesday night sex routine” rut we all run into from time to time.

The sex getaway is also the perfect way to level up with someone you’ve just started dating. If you feel like you want to try something new or mess around with some ideas in the sack, then the getaway is the best way to let your partner know.

Don’t take things for granted and think that your partner will know what’s going on just because you booked a nice hotel room for the weekend. You’ve got to do more work to make sure things go off smoothly.

Take some time and plan the sex getaway. Here are a few tips you can try to have some of the best sex of your life.

 

Your Sexual Itinerary

Planning a sex getaway with your partner is a big opportunity because it gives you both the space to explore. You’re taken out of the day to day environment where you’re stressed about work, kids’ activities, or the finances.

Don’t leave things up to chance, though. Put some thought into what you want to accomplish and experience while the two of you are alone. You can make it like a mini sexual workshop where you can try new things and get to know each other more deeply.

Set up a playbook that lists the days’ activities. For example, you can start by arranging to meet at a nice restaurant separately and have fun with a bit of roleplaying. You and your partner can list out new products like lubes, vibrators, or handcuffs that you want to try out. Work in some sensual activities like massaging each other when you’re not having sex.

 

Let the Beat Build

On your sex getaway or your first one at least, start slowly to build a foundation. If you’ve been married for years and have never had anal sex, it will catch your partner off guard if you walk into the hotel room and announce your intentions to attack their behind.

Instead, start with the basic positions and sexual interplay you’re both used to. The first time you have sex will already be more fun and interesting because you’re in a new setting. Make sure you compliment your partner and encourage them to move here, a kiss there, and get comfortable expressing themselves. That will help rev things up for later on in the trip.

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Push the Boundaries

Look, everyone has sexual fantasies. It’s all about how comfortable we are expressing them. When we’re in the throes of our busy lives, it’s easy to just blow off our deep thoughts about sex because we think we have more important things to worry about. 

After all, the sex we’re having already is pretty great anyway, right?

A sex getaway gives you the chance to level up and push the boundaries of you and your partner’s sexual relationship. Sex is one of the most fulfilling pieces of any bond between people. The closer you become in your intimacy, it will play out in other aspects of your relationship and life!

Use the getaway to try out new positions, power dynamics, and whatever else is your fancy. The getaway creates a safe space where you can try new things and see if they work for you. If not, then hey, they can be left behind in the hotel room after you leave.

 

Perfect Sex GetawayUse Your Imagination to Create Scenarios

Everyone loves a weekend at the Four Seasons and boozy brunch with their lover. If you book the upscale sex getaway, you’re going to score some major points for sure. However, it doesn’t have to be the same thing all the time. The next thing you know, you’ll be in the sex getaway rut just like your sex routine at home!

Use the sex getaway to craft specific scenarios that can play out and let your sexual imagination fly. Try whatever has the best chance to shake you from the tried and true positions and interplay with your partner. If you’re in the city, book a weekend ranch getaway where you can pretend to be ranch hands. Go out of town further and role play that you’re having an illicit affair.

Each scenario will be driven by you and your partner’s sexual fantasies. Remember, some people dream about getting bent over a rickety bed in a seedy motel along the freeway. Rose petals in the jacuzzi tub and Moet are great yet not for everyone all the time.

 

Pick Up the Pace A Bit – No Excuses!

Make sure a sex getaway is just that. Have all the trips to Miami on the weekend you can manage. We’re not trying to tell you that you can’t have normal vacations. This shouldn’t be one of them, though.

And don’t let how long you’ve been married or your age slow you down. “But we’re good with sex once a week” you might say. That’s fine, and do your best to let your sex getaway be mainly about sex! Yes – I said sex! 

Whatever your normal frequency is, try to pump things up a bit on your getaway to get the romantic juices flowing and give yourselves a boost going forward.

When you’re not knocking boots, fill your time with touch and intimate communication. Learn more about yourself and your partner’s sexual desires so you can have a more fulfilled intimate relationship when it’s time to go home.

Remember, small details will make a huge difference. Make sure you have a sex playlist on your phone to plug in when things start steaming up. Share the itinerary with your partner so they know what’s in store, and let them help plan the trip if that’s what they’re into. The sex getaway can be your gateway into incredible sex more often.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Dating Consultant

Dating Consultant: A Faster Way to Dating Success

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Dating Consultant: A Faster Way to Dating Success

 

A dating consultant, also called a dating coach, advises people who are struggling to find a partner or spouse! 

If you are unlucky in love or can’t seem to find “the one,” consider hiring a dating consultant to help you achieve dating success.  

Sometimes, it feels like online dating and friends’ matchmaking efforts can take forever. A dating consultant helps make the process go a lot faster, and helps you with interpersonal skills you need to find the right match for you.

Dating consultants can work with clients through in-person appointments, texting, and online video chat methods. They provide you with a variety of strategies and techniques based on what you need most.  

Dating consultants are often stigmatized, because people believe that teaching romance is “demeaning” and “unethical,” while others believe it is “impossible.”

How a Dating Consultant Can Help You!

 

Improve Your Current Relationship

Dating consultants aren’t just for singles. They can also be helpful for established relationships, or for the early stages of dating. 

Identifying Green and Red Flags

We all understand that there are certain relationship red flags to avoid. Your coach can help you know and recognize what to look out for in a partner. Dating consultants help you pick quality partners by knowing what traits you ought to aim for based on your personality, characteristics, quirks, goals, and values.

Help You Find Love

Your dating consultant helps you to optimize your strengths and manage your weaknesses on the path to finding love. This also includes building your self-worth and self-esteem! 

Almost any dating expert will tell you that the first step to finding love is to love yourself first. Self love leads to confidence and confidence is sexy!

Understand Your Unhealthy Patterns

Sometimes we fall into patterns, and we keep following a pattern long after its usefulness is gone. This happens in relationships and dating too.

Dating consultants are able to help you pinpoint negative patterns you didn’t realize you were following. Then, you can break these patterns,  and create a new path to dating success based on the qualities you want in a partner. 

Optimize Your Online Dating Profiles

If you are interested in online dating, getting your online profile optimized is critical.

You may not be an expert at this, or you may not like to talk about yourself. 

A dating consultant can help you make your profile and photos look appealing and represents you honestly! 

It is crucial to choose the right dating consultant if you want to get results. There are MANY consultants  out there that have the skills, but don’t get their clients the results. 

The best consultants don’t just tell you what to do. Just like a good therapist, they give you the framework and structure to help you figure it out for yourself. 

Dating consultants should guide you in the beginning as needed,  then they ensure you have the skills and communications tools before you are done with their programs.

If you are tired of not getting results in your dating life, try Life Coaching and Therapy’s team of therapists and dating consultants. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.