anal orgasm

How To Have An Anal Orgasm

How To Have An Anal Orgasm

 

If you’ve only ever seen an anal orgasm in a movie or in porn, you may think that the only way to have one is penetrative anal sex.

If anal sex is intimidating to you or you just don’t like it, you’ll be happy to know that there are many ways to have an anal orgasm!

 

First Thing’s First: Keep It Clean!

Personal hygiene is always important, and feeling clean before getting dirty can help you focus on your anal orgasm. You don’t want to be distracted because you’re worrying about cleanliness!

It may surprise you, however your butt is likely as clean as the rest of your body, so be as clean as is comfortable for you and your partner.

A baby wipe is a fast way to refresh your anal area quickly, and you can keep an individually wrapped one in your pocket or purse.

Hair is a reality of being a mammal, and we all have different amounts of hair on our buttocks, cracks and around the anus. Unwanted hair can be (carefully) shaved, waxed or plucked, though it can take some manoeuvring  if you’re taking the DIY route.

There’s also a common misconception that if you are wanting to engage in anal play of any kind you need to avoid eating certain foods or use an enema. There is usually very little fecal matter in the rectum as it is usually stored in the colon. If you’ve have a bowel movement the day of sex, you’re probably just fine. If you’d like, you can irrigate the rectum with a home enema kit. Again, it is up to you and your partner to decide what level of cleanliness you’re both comfortable with.

If certain foods upset your stomach, simply try to avoid them if you anticipate any anal action.

 

Get Comfortable

Having any kind of orgasm, including an anal orgasm, requires a level of comfort and arousal. As you know, that can be easier said than done, especially if you’re going into new territory!

Despite what porn might make you believe, anal orgasms can happen through gentle, sensual stimulation as well as from more aggressive penetration- it is all about personal preference and learning what you like. This means communication before the fact about no-go zones, and continuous

 

So…How Do I Have An Anal Orgasm?!

Half the battle of achieving an anal orgasm is the willingness to experiment and find out what you like! There are so many different ways to play with the anal area, so read ahead and see what might be appealing to you and your sexual partner or partners.

 

External vs Internal Stimulation…or Both!

People achieve any kind of orgasm differently, and having an anal orgasm is no exception. There are so many options available for your level of comfort and what you find pleasurable. You may find that you have an anal orgasm through penetration, or maybe you require purely external stimulation. Maybe you need both. Try some things out and have some fun!

 

Non-Penetrative Options

You don’t have to have any penetration at all to potentially enjoy an anal orgasm. You can achieve orgasm with these activities:

  •   Rimming: Basically, oral sex for your ass. Your partner can lick you as gently or firmly as you desire, or even stick their tongue into your anus to stimulate those sensitive nerve endings. Just make sure the area is clean to their level of comfort, and that they do not perform oral on your genitals or kiss afterwards without using antibacterial mouthwash first.

  •   Toys: vibrating toys are a LOT of fun and a great way to ease into anal stimulation if both parties are feeling uncertain. A simple bullet vibe will work ONLY if you don’t use it for penetration. If you think you might be open to having the toy go in, even a little bit, find a toy with a flared base. Riding crops and feathers can be used to tease the area or for spankings without venturing directly to the anus, rather focusing on the buttocks.

 

Penetrative Options

Did you know people with vaginas have A-spots? And you can stimulate the G-spot anally? It’s true! Ever heard of the P-spot? That P stands for prostate, and people assigned male at birth have them. All of these specific spots can be stimulated through penetration with toys, fingers, or anything you want to put in there.

Remember, if you are engaging in penetrative anal play, you need to try and relax the sphincter of your anus, so the experience is more enjoyable. Lots of foreplay, lots of lube, and lots of communication!

 

P-spot

  •   Known medically as the prostate
  •   People assigned male at birth have a prostate
  •   Located 2 inches into the rectum, on the front wall
  •   The prostate will feel like a small, firm bulb. It will feel distinctly different than the rest of the area.
  •   BONUS: you can actually stimulate the prostate indirectly by stimulating the perineum, or the taint.
  •   Make sure you use toys with a flared base to avoid losing them inside the rectum.
  •   Always wash your hands after anal play before touching other genitals or your face/eyes/mouth.

 

A-spot

  •   The anterior fornix or a-spot is 5-6 inches deep into the vagina.
  •   Feels similar to the G-spot to the touch but deeper
  •   People assigned female at birth have an anterior fornix
  •   The A-spot can be stimulated from penetrating the rectum
  •   BONUS: The g-spot can be stimulated from the rectum, too! Think of it like finding the “back” side of the g-spot; similar location an inch or so inside, just stimulating it from the other side.

 

Toys

  •   Butt plugs: You can purchase these in varying gauges so you can “train” yourself to accommodate larger penetrating objects. Use some lube designed for anal play, and enjoy the feeling of just having something in there. It can be a way to feel out the sensation of something in the area without any bells and whistles or movement. Though a vibrating plug can be a real treat for all parties involved!
  •   Double pronged dildos: For folks with vaginas, a double pronged dildo or vibrator can be a fun way to explore double penetration, stimulating your vagina and rectum simultaneously. Many people find this incredibly pleasurable, and it is likely because of stimulating the A-spot and G-spot from both sides. As always, use lots of lube!

 

If Its Not Happening…

Not everyone can enjoy an anal orgasm, no matter how comfortable they are. Remember, we are not robots: it isn’t as simple as pressing the right button to get an anal orgasm, or any orgasm! Even if you don’t achieve a full anal orgasm, anal play can be a fun and pleasurable activity to throw into your sex life for some variety and adventure.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


long gloves

Long Gloves for Costumed Sex Ideas

Long Gloves for Costumed Sex Ideas

 

Instead of throwing away those long gloves from halloween or stuffing them in the closet for next year, how about you consider using them for a fun date night scene? 

It is my sense that human beings have core universal needs which is beautifully captured in http://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory

These inner human needs are like nutrients for our psyche and our sensuality. long gloves

When our needs are fulfilled we feel whole, joyful, comfortable, and expansive. 

When our needs are depleted or unmet, we feel uncomfortable, constricted, and unsatisfied. 

While most of us have a longing or desire for fulfillment so that we may return to a state of wholeness, partnered sex and role play can sometimes bridge the gap between a variety of consenting adults with different interpersonal and sexual needs. 

Long gloves are a common staple in a variety of closets and costumes, and one can say that an elegant role play is often in style. 

Here are some of our favorite role plays that include long gloves!

 

Inner Seductress

To play with this archetype, put your long gloves on and cultivate your confidence. 

One way to use long gloves is to imagine what other clothing your inner seductress wears. 

With the long gloves on, seduce your partners’ skin in a sensation of orgasmic bliss. Yes… the skin is orgasmic! This flavor isn’t about the genitals. It is about the skinsation! 

 

Mistress and sub

Bring you and a partner out in public, you as the Top and them as the submissive. 

This is a mental long gloves connection… The little touches and discrete affection in public when you are holding hands while wearing gloves is exciting and exhilarating. This all goes a long way mentally.

Adding another dimension to this is that kink and BDSM have a range of play. 

Behaviors like top and bottom are contained under the umbrella of kink terms, and they do not always involve sexual contact. Actually, some prefer the erotic change of being in charge or having their power and choices limited for some period of time. 

The long gloves can symbolize that even in your bedroom. 

long gloves

 

Photographer and Model

Put on your long gloves and have your partner (this can work with newer sex partners who have established trust and boundaries as well) take photos of you in the long gloves. 

And nothing other than the long gloves when it is someone you actually trust, vs someone you just met (or have known under 4-18 months). 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Super Spooky Halloween Sex Tips

Super Spooky Halloween Sex Tips

 

Halloween sex is a perfect time to let loose your inner witch, warlock or werewolf! Whether you are looking to try something a little different or push your boundaries to the extreme, there are plenty of tricks and treats to try this season.

Halloween sex can be fun, funny, scary (in a good way!) and is a perfect opportunity to unleash your creativity…and the beast within!

 

Sex for Witches

Halloween Sex

Spells, potions, candlelight, crystals and potions- these are real turn ons for sexy witches! Set the mood by lighting your favorite candles, away from your flowing robes of course. Place crystals around the bedroom to encourage sensuality and fantasy fulfillment. Rose quartz, red garnet and jasper can all encourage sexual energies.

Conjure arousal with potent aphrodisiacs like oysters or dark chocolate, or sexy botanicals like maca, red ginseng and fenugreek. Get out your favorite spell book and find a recipe for a delicious love potion. I find margaritas do the trick! 

What to wear? How about nothing? Dance naked in the moonlight with your partner, letting the glorious light cascade over your bodies as you intertwine passionately.

If you have no one in your coven to dance with, find your special, body-safe silicone broomstick with the ten different vibration settings and cast a love spell on yourself over and over again. If you can’t find a broom, you can also use a crystal dildo made from rose quartz or jade. Chakrub makes beautiful sex toys from crystals for sexy witches and mortals alike.

 

Sex for Ghosts

You don’t have to be into spectrophilia to enjoy the cold embrace of love in the afterlife. For a spooky Halloween sex idea, put your clean bedsheets in the freezer and lay them on the bed before getting down to business.

The cold sheets will give you a chill down your spine, and perk up all your senses.

More into shape shifting Victorian ghosts? Halloween sex in a beautiful costume will help you live out the period romance you’ve been dreaming of! Corsets, ruffles, garters and nightgowns by candlelight can strike the perfect balance of spooky and sexy.

Want to get really weird? Set up a spooky haunted house scenario for your lover (with their consent of course!). Blindfold your partner and lead them through the house where you have set up spooky sensory experiences. A haunted house classic is a bowl of peeled grapes as eyeballs, let your imagination run wild, perhaps an ice cube in your mouth for cold, ghoulish kisses or a new toy to make them scream with pleasure.

 

Sex for Mummies

Massaged with perfumed oils from head to toe and then bound tightly? Who knew mummies could be so sexy!

Ancient Egyptians were known to use sweet almond oil, rose, and thyme during mummification, so use your lover’s favorite luxurious oils and perfumes to give them a relaxing massage before tying them up tightly.

Using ripped strips of cotton sheets instead of rope is beginner friendly and still gives the excitement of bondage. The power dynamic and the feeling of being tightly squeezed with no escape can be scary in all the right ways when done consensually.

Bind your mummy’s legs or arms and shower them with sensual affection that they cannot reciprocate. They’ll be dying to burst from their binds, so feel free to take turns torturing each other!

 

Sex for Vampires

Perhaps the sexiest creature of the night, vampire fantasies abound from Anne Rice to Twilight. There are even people who live like vampires and drink their lover’s blood!

Halloween Sex

You don’t need to go that far to enjoy vampire-approved sex. A few lube manufacturers have created blood colored lube to give a gory twist to your sex life. Not for the faint of heart, this is a safe and scary way to make a big mess.

Having sex during your period is an extra delight for creatures with blood lust and can save you from spending your money on that bloody lube. Lay down a soft towel to preserve Dracula’s sheets, or throw caution to the wind and just enjoy making a mess together.

If you love the romantic thrill of vampires however you’re squeamish about blood, kiss your lover’s neck, giving light to firm love bites. They may leave a mark, so make sure you have a turtleneck to wear to work! Wink wink.

Drink a blood inspired cocktail together, like a blood orange screwdriver or sangria, which is derived from the Spanish term for “bloodletting”. Yummy.

 

Sex for Werewolves

Instead of a silver bullet, how about a bullet vibrator? Tease your partner with this tiny and powerful vibrator until they howl at the moon!

Into hairy wolf people? Halloween sex is a fun night to break out some costumes and act out some aggressive, animalistic fantasies. Set boundaries and safe words beforehand and enjoy tearing each other apart. Dig your nails or teeth into their skin, pull their hair, and definitely let out some growls of passion.

You don’t have to be a furry to enjoy a beastly costume, have fun with the campiness and novelty of a different character in the bedroom.

 

Sex for Mortal Candy-Lovers

The best part of Halloween isn’t the scary movies or sexy costumes- it’s the candy of course! While it is fun to sit and eat a bowl of treats while watching Scream for the 85th time, why not try something a little naughtier?

Get tricks and treats by including you and your partner’s favorite goodies into sexy time. Just remember, no sweets in vaginas or you can risk an infection. Instead, try using candy in creative ways!

A candy necklace doesn’t have to go on your neck. Try putting it around your leg like a garter, or wrap it around the shaft of your partner’s penis. The biting can feel a little dangerous and can be oh so sexy. Just ask your vampire friends!

A little light bondage or choking with shoelace licorice, or placing small candies along your partner’s body and eating them off can be a sensual treat.

And if you have some whipped cream left over from pumpkin pie? Well, you know what to do…whipped cream isn’t just for Halloween sex!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


couple goals

Green Flags for Couple Goals

Green Flags for Couple Goals

 

Whenever people talk about couple goals and relationships, there is a tendency to focus on the “red flags.” Instead of focusing on the things that should be avoided, or early warning signs that a relationship is “doomed,” we are going to focus on green flags for couple goals today! 

While it can certainly be helpful when creating couples goals to know what you want to avoid and what to look out for, it can leave you feeling directionless when knowing what you should be looking for!

Things that should be avoided, or early warning signs that a relationship is “doomed”. 

While it can certainly be helpful when creating couple goals to know what you want to avoid and what to look out for, it can leave you feeling directionless when knowing what you should be looking for! 

 

The Benefits of Positivity

It is definitely smart to avoid certain behaviors as a couple or as an individual, so red flags are something useful for identifying behaviors, habits and personality traits that may be harmful to a relationship or to oneself. 

Think about it: if you bought furniture and the assembly instructions only included what you shouldn’t do, you would have a lot of trouble trying to build something functional and structurally sound! 

The same goes for couple goals: using green flags is a great way to identify what is right about a relationship, what you may be looking for, and to remind you what is already working so you can focus on aspects to improve towards. 

 

So What Are The Green Flags?

Most couple goals or green flags can be sorted into five basic categories: 

  • Communication
  • Compromise
  • Boundaries
  • Respect
  • Sense of Self

Most red flags fall into these categories too, and green flags give you solutions rather than just identifying problems. 

Let’s dive into these green flags! 

 

Communication

Communication will always be the foundation of a great relationship can must be one of your couples goals. Most of the other green flags are an offshoot of communication, it is so important!couple goals

Some green flags to indicate strong communication include:

  • Listening to you talk when you have issues, and supporting you through them
  • Recognizes your love language and uses it to express their love instead of only using their own love language
  • Modeling what they would like to hear in an argument. Ex: “Next time this comes up, a way that would model a healthier approach for me would be to say “What I think I hear you saying is____, is that correct?”

Listening supportively and communicating in ways that you each find effective are good signs that you are building a foundation to set some serious couples goals. 

 

Compromise

Compromise should never mean becoming a doormat or consistently letting your own needs and wants take a backseat for the sake of your partner. 

Compromise means trying to find solutions that benefit both of you, and finding ideas and solutions that are maybe even better than anyone’s singular idea. Think synergistically: the sum is greater than the whole of its parts. 

This requires humility and letting go of the desire to “win”. A relationship where everyone is trying to win and outrank each other is a huge red flag, so look at these green flags when it comes to compromise:

  • Look for the mutually-empowering way (a win-win) to resolve issues
  • Postponing gratification in the moment 
  • Being able to apologize and take ownership of wrongdoing

Being humble and accommodating each other’s unique and evolving needs will benefit your couples goals by working together for a great relationship. 

 

Boundaries

Boundaries can go hand in hand with compromise. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting out your partner, and is actually about letting them in. 

Knowing your partner’s boundaries and being mindful of them is a green flag. Here are some examples:

  • You partner stops doing things that you say make you uncomfortable
  • Don’t avoid sharing truths.

Taking actions that respect each other’s boundaries will strengthen trust. The ability to be honest and open about your boundaries can help build that trust too. 

 

Respect

Respect is like Communication’s close sister, they are so closely related and you can’t really have one without the other when working towards couples goals. 

It is hard to feel confident about yourself or even communicate this feeling if you don’t feel you are respected. All relationships rely on respect to keep them communicative, loving and lasting. 

Some green flags that indicate respect:

  • You don’t put each other down deliberately, especially in public
  • Uses a calm, rational tone during arguments
  • Support each other’s ambitions and aids in growth
  • Keeping your word, doing what you say you will do and follows through. 

 

Strong Sense of Self

You cannot set strong couple goals if you are not feeling complete as individuals, with your own goals, opinions, aspirations and ideas. 

You can approach relationships in a healthier way if you let go of the mindset that someone else will “complete” you. 

As romantic as that is in movies, in the real world it can leave you disappointed and co-dependent!

Some green flags:

  • You both engage in your own inner work, consistently over and over
  • Support each other’s ambitions and goals
  • Celebrate each other’s accomplishments without jealousy 
  • Each have goals outside of the relationship
  • Self respect

The statement “you can’t give someone a drink from an empty cup” is cliché though true: if you aren’t continuing to grow, work on yourself and find fulfillment in your own life, you won’t have much to give a partner or to a relationship. 

In the same vein, you don’t need to sacrifice your entire cup to someone else- it is yours to drink from and share as you please!

couple goals

 

Redefining Couple Goals

The point of focusing on a “green flag” system instead of or adjacent to a red flag mindset is to give you actionable habits and behaviors to work towards in your relationships. 

Knowing what to work on and what to look for in relationships can be immensely helpful when working towards growth and relationship health. 

Which of these green flags do you already look for in relationships? Are some of these the answer to the red flags you actively avoid? Which green flags do you want to try out first in your couple goals? 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


What is Female Orgasm Denial?

What is Female Orgasm Denial?

 

Female orgasm denial is a term for sexual play - especially in power exchange relationships - where orgasm is delayed, denied, and then even “forced.” 

To learn all about orgasm denial, see here

Today, we will talk about female orgasm denial specifically. 

Ask yourself if this part of you really wants to play with your partner in this way. 

Orgasm denial is SO not for everyone… please do not do it if it is too much for you. 

Does your inner Dominant or submissive really vibe with your partner(s) inner Dominant or submissive? Maybe! Maybe not. 

Female orgasm denial is one type of strategy for sex, and sometimes I have heard that women were into orgasm denial as part of consensual “non consent.” 

What is consensual non-consent?

Basically, it’s about “forcing” someone to do things that they pretend they don’t want to do, or doing things to them that the receiver “protests” against, yet are actually in favor of.  

One form of female orgasm denial that women have talked to me about is genital deprivation.

 

Genital Deprivation

If you got the basics of orgasm denial, female orgasm denial can be taken up a step by practicing genital deprivation. 

This method is used to build arousal, tension, and connection to one another by practicing building up desire and then lowering the desire.

So… you touch your partner everywhere - except their genitals. 

This can be a really interesting exploration of erogenous zones, and you never know- you may have an unintended orgasm from the unlikeliest of places! 

  • Tease your partner by licking, tickling and kissing them all over their body. 
  • Avoid touching their genitals, vagina, clitoris or anus! Stick to other zones like their feet, neck, inner thighs, lower back, or forearms and hands. With consent or consensual “non consent,” you can tie up your submissive for an added bonus if you know what you are doing!
  • You can use your hands, tongue, or a toy super close to their genitals, and then move it away to another, less sensitive area. 

 

Forced Orgasm

This is a complete 180, and keeping in mind that everything is done in a consensual context it can still seem a little strange on paper- and so much fun in practice! Forced orgasm is pretty self explanatory- you make someone orgasm who “doesn’t want to” or make them orgasm many times or much stronger than they think they can handle. Safe words are a must! 

  • Acting out a scenario and making your partner orgasm “against their will” can be inexplicably hot and safe! 
  • Practice compassionate aftercare after these scenarios, and use a safe word. 
  • Make sure your partner respects this immediately. 
  • Like when you’re being tickled and you want it to stop but someone keeps going? 
  • This can be a great exercise if you are wanting to try squirting or g-spot orgasms. 
  • Have a safeword, and challenge your partner by continuing to stimulate them as they orgasm, and keep going no matter how much they squirm and resist (provided they don’t use the safe word of course). This can result in some intense orgasms that are almost unbearable and may result in some extra surprises! 

 

Ready to Try?

Female orgasm denial often involves tension and release, control and submission, and pleasure and pain. 

If you want to explore your submissive or dominant side, female orgasm denial can be a lot of fun, and an awesome way to dip your toes into BDSM - with or without a partner! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


couple sex

Couples Sex is Unique!

Couples Sex is Unique!

 

Couples sex is unique to each partnership, and often important!

The thing is couples sex varies in your lifetime between you and a partner. 

Couples sex vary by individuals desires, yet we can agree it is often when both individuals are pleased and the relationship is thriving and growing. 

If you’re not in the habit of discussing couples sex, why not give it a try? 

For couples sex enhancements… continue reading! 

Step 1: Go to google drive, and start a shared drive with your partner(s)! 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and fantasies. 

They tend to come true! 

 

Step 2: Plan Ahead! 

  • Plan a weekly date night - for sex! 
  • Plan another night for talking about maintenance conversations
    • What do we have to buy? 
    • Is something broken in the house? 
    • Bills? Changes? Requests? 

 

Step 3: Work on yourself because growing is attractive! 

  • Experience vulnerability - a major component in intimacy. 
  • Learn about your own body and pleasure in solo sex!

 

Step 4: Support your partner by using reflective listening!

  • What I think I hear you saying is _____. Is that close?

 

Step 5: Don’t blame your partner! 

  • Couples sex is better when we as a couple are co creating with the world. 
  • We are not in charge of the world… yet we get to be in charge of what we say, think, and even prune and develop. 

 

If nothing else, use your imagination and fantasies you would like to try to make new couples sex experiences. Ask yourself: does my inner _____ (Stripper) really vibe with your inner _____ (Romantic). 

Maybe... or maybe not. 

It is good to know that those two are not going to enjoy showing up together in life or in the bedroom. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Cosplay Sex

Dress-up for Adults: The Fun World of Cosplay Sex

Dress-up for Adults: The Fun World of Cosplay Sex

 

Cosplay sex is one of the most fun, creative ways to spice up the bedroom, explore fantasies and channel your favorite characters. Cosplay sex may sound kinky and wild, and it can be, though it is a great way to wade into the waters of kink and roleplay!

 

What is Cosplay?

Cosplay sex is only one context for the fun and freedom of dressing up as your favorite characters. Have you ever seen images of comicon? People dressed as their favorite film, comicbook and tv characters? Well, that’s cosplay!

Cosplay simply means “costume play”. It doesn’t have to be sexual at all, and for most it is just an opportunity to show their love of specific fandoms, or showcase their creativity when it comes to reimagining these characters in real life. It can be a literal interpretation of characters or a look inspired by characters or stories the cosplayer connects to.

Cosplay is even making its way into drag culture as we see more performers interpret characters and include them in their live performances.

Cosplay also involves embodying the character to certain degrees, so it can be a fun way to escape and roleplay in sexual or non-sexual situations.

 

Is Cosplay a Fetish?

It should be noted that there is a huge issue of female cosplayers in particular being fetishized by people without permission, which can put a damper on the fun.

Just because someone is dressed like Wonder Woman or Princess Leia in a bikini does not mean that they are open to sexual advances, lewd online comments or want to be fetishized. They are simply appreciating a character and having fun dressing up!

Some people do have fetishes around certain characters. If you are sexually obsessed with Batman, maybe you’ll get a kick out of having sex with someone dressed as Batman, or it is a fantasy you want to fulfil.

Cosplay in and of itself, however, is not a fetish or an expression of someone’s fetish.

 

Making Cosplay Sexy

Incorporating cosplay into sex can be a fun, lighthearted and creative way to dip your toes into some light kink and fantasy fulfilment.

Roleplay can help you release your inhibitions, be more assertive or submissive, and help you realize fantasies.

Cosplay can help you by having a character that is already well known, a specific personality you can channel and improvise around without starting from scratch.

Cosplay doesn’t need to be expensive or fancy, though you can certainly drop a lot of cash on movie replica costumes and accessories. If you want a movie perfect Darth Vader costume for $10,000, that’s your prerogative!

Cosplay Sex

All you need is an indication of costume. This could be thick gold bracelets to channel Wonder Woman, or a black domino mask to become Zorro, or even white gloves to become Mickey Mouse if that’s your thing. Use your imagination and creativity to have as much or as little costume as you want.

The most important part of cosplay sex is the character you channel in the moment. Costumes are part of the name, however it is less about the appearance and more about the character!

 

Here are some ways to incorporate your favorite character into cosplay sex:

  •   Use sexy props: some bondage rope for Wonder Woman’s Lasso of Truth, a dildo as your “lightsaber”, a small whip for Indiana Jones, a full faced mask for Batman, the options are as vast as the characters you create! Find ways to repurpose sex toys to fit with your chosen character
  •   Use catchphrases: does your character have any memorable quotes or catchphrases that you can use in the bedroom? Luke, I am your Daddy…they don’t have to be entirely serious! Cosplay sex can be fun and funny.
  •   Use your favorite scenes: Is there a scene that really gets you going? Maybe you want to re-enact the fight between Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman and Michael Keaton’s Batman- sexy! Is there a sex scene from Outlander you want to replicate word for word, touch for touch?
  •   Imagine New Relationships: This happens a lot in fan fiction, and crosses over into cosplay sex seamlessly. Ever wish there had been a hot moment between Edward and Jacob? Want James Bond to hook up with M? How about Frodo and Sam? Now’s your chance to make that fantasy happen!   

This is by no means an exhaustive list, so let your imagination run wild!

 

Some Practical Considerations

  •   Safety first: just because your character throws knives or whatever doesn’t mean you should dive headfirst into knifeplay without a mentor or training. Same goes for choking or bondage: take an online class or workshop in rope tying and knots so you can safely bind your partner without cutting off circulation or accidental injuries.
  •   Consent: I know it goes without saying, though it can’t be said enough! All activities must be consensual, and since cosplay sex can wade into the realm of kink, it is helpful to talk with your sexual partner about boundaries and safe words before diving into the scene.
  •   Finances: Never feel like you have to break the bank to have the perfect costume. Some people love to invest in and collect movie-quality costumes, however it isn’t necessary to engage in cosplay sex or enjoy roleplay as your favorite characters!
  •   Cleaning: Some costumes are easier to clean than others, so this may be a consideration for you if you plan on using your costume for sex. As always, clean any toys, props or costumes before and after sex, and ideally use new toys for new partners.
  •   Exit rituals: If you are playing in a particularly intense or violent scene, it can be helpful to have an exit ritual. This can be as simple as taking a bath or meditating, or just cleaning up and putting away your costume. Whatever you need to do to transition out of your cosplay persona into your regular persona. Some people don’t need this at all, though if you are having trouble separating your actions from the character’s actions, these rituals can help you put them to rest and pick them up again later when you’re ready for more fun.

 

Cosplay sex is a fun, creative and exciting way to try something new and perhaps fulfill a longheld fantasy. Costumes aren’t just for Halloween, so get some fabric and ideas and try out cosplay sex!

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Tantric Sex

A Virtual Tantric Sex Weekend

A Virtual Tantric Sex Weekend

 

Why would you explore tantric sex at an online location like zoom? That’s SO weird.

Well… most people are finding their information about sexuality from pornography anyway. 

In the USA… recent statistics show that only 22 out of 50 states require health ed. And of those 22 states, only 17 are required to provide accurate info. That is actually terrifying. 

A weekend of sex, cave dwelling, exploring erotic fantasies, and moving the darkness of our self from the subconscious to the conscious! 

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” - Carl Jung

It makes sense given this cultural climate. I continue to hope that people wake up the societal notions that we “assume” as real that are actually just sociological ideologies. 

This weekend, at the Shadows and Light Virtual tantra festival, shattering cultural myths was at the center of the 3-day online weekend retreat. 

No matter HOW OLD people are, they are lacking sexual information... and information that is focused on mind-body connection and courage. 

 

So What Do You Learn at a Tantric Sex Weekend? 

Tantric Sex

Presenters from all over the world were sharing their knowledge while volunteers, like myself, provided emotional support to those participants that were diving deep.

When in a workshop like this, you are at choice, yet sometimes, it feels safe to know you have someone in the room that will be there for a private message. 

From virtual dating, to energy play, to sacred sensual dance, to meditation and yoga… the virtual retreat had everything you could imagine. 

The secret of tantric sex lies in putting aside the urgency of orgasm, and concentrating on thoughtful and delicate movements. 

Tantric sex is about using your entire body, your hands especially, your breath, and your mind. 

Therefore, even a simple, yet constant present mind awareness of asking yourself “am I breathing” acts as a strategy to enable you to melt into yourself. 

In the practice of tantric sex and shadow work, there is nothing more important than connecting with your breath, your voice, and your sensations. 

Taking notice of making sounds consciously with your voice! Sounds are also stimulating, such as a whisper, sigh, moan, cry and scream.

 

Tantric Sex Questions To Consider: 

  • How do I communicate in a sexual way with my body? 
  • How do I communicate in a sexual way with others? 
  • What does the sound you make during tantric sex, or any sex, say about your experience with your pleasure?

 

When Someone Shares their Sex Story With You, Respond By Saying: 

  • I believe you
  • I honor your experience
  • I witness your strength
  • I thank you for your bravery

 

Virtual Tantric Sex Dating Practices: 

  • Instead of focusing on Duration of your relationship —> Focus on going DEEP! 
  • Instead of focusing on Attraction of others to you  —> Focus on your own authentic sense of Self-Expression and have your tribe find you. 
  • Instead of focusing on Sacrifice for your partner  —> Focus on Supporting your own sense of Self-Care, so others do not have to take care of you.

 

Online Shadow Festival for Tantric Sex - My Takeaways:

  • Learn to build intimacy from self to self (and with others)
  • Ignite your pleasure centers by touching them with your hands
  • Improve communication by practicing it in a conscious way
  • Share in a way where others are supportive 
  • Challenge societal norms by noticing what Disney and pop culture frames as the “norm” within your romantic relationships
  • Practice consent instead of giving up, giving in, or overgiving

 

If you have any questions about a virtual tantric sex weekend, feel free to ask! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


BDSM dating

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

 

BDSM dating can be a challenge if you don’t want to out yourself to Facebook friends or work colleagues who might be on dating apps. At the same time, if you’re not sure what you’re looking for or want to sprinkle in some vanilla dating, using conventional dating apps can bring you a great variety of potential partners. 

BDSM dating doesn’t have to be much different than any other form of online dating. It is meant to be an easily accessible, instant and safe way of meeting as many new people as possible and can save you a lot of bad dates if done correctly. 

 

1.Ask Yourself “Why?”

Why do you want to use a general dating app instead of a BDSM dating app? It may seem counterintuitive, however more people are on apps like Tinder, Grindr and Bumble than the more specialized kink apps. 

If you use a kink app, you may find that there is a limited variety of people on the app, which means you can run out of potential matches more quickly than with the most popular dating apps. 

Also, there are lots of currently vanilla people who are wanting to explore kink with an experienced partner, so finding matches on a conventional app may be an opportunity to expand your community and meet new people. 

Why do you want to meet people online? Do you feel too exposed attending live kink events or conventions? Do you still feel shame around your kinks? If this is the case, online dating can be a safe and relatively anonymous way to meet people with similar fantasies with less exposure if you’re shy. 

BDSM dating

 

2.Set Your Boundaries

Outside of the boundaries that must come along with a BDSM dating experience, you should also set your boundaries for online dating specifically. 

What questions are you willing and unwilling to answer from matches? If someone isn’t up to speed on coded language or acronyms from the BDSM dating scene, how much are you willing to explain?

Deciding on these things will save you emotional labor and time when interacting with matches. 

You should decide what amount of privacy you are comfortable with- will you use your real name, or just your initials? Do you want a full face photo or something more anonymous? 

Keep in mind, ethical BDSM dating shouldn’t involve any deception or catfishing, though you can be open about hiding certain details until you get to know a match better. For example, maybe you don’t give out your number until you’ve met, or maybe you don’t give out your real name on your profile but will when you are chatting with a match. 

You may even consider not including your kinks on your profile and being open about it with matches later, though this can lead to disappointment if you are looking for kinky folx in the first pace. 

Always remember that your profile is public, so anyone can see what is on there. So only put what you are comfortable with strangers or your co-worker or friend stumbling across if they’re on the app! 

 

3.Find the Code Words

The easiest way to find kinky and kink-curious individuals on vanilla apps is by using the abbreviations, code words and acronyms that describe your kinks. 

Sometimes emoji are used in the community- the unicorn emoji for example, lets people know that you are an individual looking to join a couple for a threesome. 

Saying you like “D/s” means dominance/submissive and describing yourself as “open minded” can be an indicator you are kinky. These words and abbreviations can also help you find other kinksters on the app! Typically, terminology used in BDSM communities will be obvious if you are also a member of that community, so keep an eye out for fellow BDSM dating matches. 

 

4.Be Open to Conversation and Questions

If you are casting a wider net to include kink curious and vanilla partners when BDSM dating, be prepared to answer questions from matches who may not have picked up on your terminology- or even read your entire profile. This happens a lot as people swipe quickly based on appearances. 

Since you have already decided what your boundaries are, answer any questions from matches that you are comfortable answering. Hopefully, they are respectful and genuine!

BDSM dating

If you’ve matched with someone and aren’t sure if they’ve understood you’re kinky, it is worth having a direct conversation. Something like “Hey! Just fyi, I am into _____, if that’s not you’re thing we can unmatch, no hard feelings!” can be effective and quick.

The downside of dating apps is that people can take a turn for the rude, scary or abusive. If someone is speaking to you in a way that is disrespectful or abusive, report, unmatch and block that person without hesitation. Keeping your boundaries firm will make for the best online dating experience. 

 

5.Be Safe & Have Fun

As someone experienced in BDSM dating, you probably already know how to date and have sex in a way that is consensual and safe. It always bears repeating though! 

When meeting a stranger from an app, make sure you are going to a public place, and make sure that you let someone know where you are. Having a friend make a call at some point during the night can give you an opportunity to confirm you are safe, and have a potential escape if you feel the date is not going well and can’t say it outright. 

If you want to meet for play, make sure you feel safe. Hide any valuables in a safe or lock them away, and let a friend know you have someone coming over. This seems over the top, however meeting strangers on apps can have risks that wouldn’t come with traditional courtship or meeting people IRL at events. 

With all that out of the way, have FUN! You’re meeting new people, and are trying new things and that is worth celebrating! BDSM dating can be fun and rewarding and pleasurable if done with safety, boundaries and an open mind. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Orgasm Denial

Orgasm Denial - How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!

Orgasm Denial - How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!

 

Orgasm denial (sometimes called “orgasm abuse”) is sort of an umbrella term for any play- especially in power exchange relationships where orgasm is delayed, deprived, or even then “forced.” We can get into forced orgasm in another blog! 

This seems to contradict everything we believe in mainstream society about sexual pleasure - after all, isn’t orgasm SUPPOSED to be the ultimate pleasure during sex? 

Turns out, pleasure and pain are two sides of a similar coin, and how we experience both varies widely from person to person. 

Both pain and orgasm release endorphins and provide a kind of catharsis, and both involve some sort of tension and release. Pain can even be meditative, much like the focus needed to have or delay an orgasm! 

Pain isn’t always physical either. Pain can be psychological, such as intentionally and consensually building frustration or anger. 

Orgasm denial play can be a safe and consensual way to explore tension and release - or denying that release entirely. 

Orgasm Denial

 

Delaying Orgasms

Lets start with the least intimidating form of orgasm denial: erotic sexual denial. This can range from teasing to edging, or even delaying orgasms as a form of “punishment” and “reward” in submissive/dominant play scenes. 

This is a form of play that is easy to incorporate, and an easy introduction to playing with control and domination in a sexual context. Discuss beforehand with your partner what they want to try, or what you would like them to do to you!

  • Tickling is a very tolerable tension and release. Decide on a safe word, and have a tickle fight! If you’re both into it, you can play with how much is tolerated, and even incorporate tickling just as the receiver is about to climax for a sort of bait and switch. 
  • Try edging! This can be done with a partner or solo, and the basic idea is to come really close to orgasm and then stopping just before climax. This can be repeated as many or as few times as wanted, and it can make the final orgasm even more delicious! 

 

What is Orgasm Denial?

Orgasm denial is a form of play where you or your partner are taken right to the edge of orgasm, then never given the release. 

If it sounds frustrating, it is, however it can be so much fun if you are exploring BDSM and want to explore an entry level Dom or sub dynamic.

This can get as kinky as you like, and can be a simple appetizer of domination and control, or the entire entrée!

  • If you’re new to sub/dom, try using orgasm denial as a small part of a controlled scene. You can even decide that later on, outside of the proposed scenario you will get off- just not during the scene!
  • This doesn’t have to even be successful! Sometimes the act of telling someone they can’t cum is enough to send them over the edge with powerful orgasm. You can always punish them for it later! 😉
  • Orgasm denial can be as prolonged or as frequent as you and your partner want. Maybe after a single sexual encounter without orgasm you’ll decide to “allow” orgasms next time, or maybe it will never happen until a special occasion or decided event- whatever scenario suits you and your partner! Remember, it is all about the pleasure and pain of frustration and control/being controlled. 
  • If you are really into orgasm denial and want to incorporate toys, there are chastity devices for penises and vaginas alike so you can physically deny your partner an orgasm. Naughty!

Ask yourself if you want to be playing with orgasm denial! 

Ask yourself the critical question of: does my inner Dominant or submissive really vibe with my partners inner Dominant or submissive? Maybe! 

Maybe not! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.