How To Respond to Verbal Abuse

How To Respond To Verbal Abuse In a Healthy Way

How To Respond To Verbal Abuse In a Healthy Way

 

This blog discussed how to respond to verbal abuse, when you are not in a dangerous situation.

If you are in a dangerous place and there is abuse, get out of that situation!

Most of us were NOT taught how to relate with clear or compassionate communication. Therefore, if you are in a place wondering how to respond to verbal abuse, you will get the tips you need here.

In our culture, we weren’t taught about healthy boundaries, on how to make requests (instead of demands).

What this means is that we will be spending our lives training in these NEW skills, and practicing them.

We start here in the AASECT Model of PLISSIT. P is for permission! A therapist will tell you that YOU are precious. You are perfectly imperfect in all human ways. Which means that ALL of you deserves to be seen and loved. In other words, ALL of your Inner Aspects deserve to be seen and loved by ourselves – by you!

Each of your inner parts have a purpose and need at the Boardroom Table in your mind… when these internal parts of us are recovered, discovered, uncovered and loved unconditionally by you.

The person who is verbally abusing you has a right to their parts too; however, you are allowed to request that they share those parts with themselves and find a new way to talk with you.

These parts of me have been given some chance to transform, heal, and these wounds can become wisdom for a new future as I sit and take the time to do the work.

So… I literally practice SELF Care. Really. Daily. I even talk to myself in my mind in a loving manner which I didn’t used to. It used to be seeing someone I cared about with someone else felt like I was LOSING something.

What I realize now, which I didn’t then, is that OTHERS may or may not be “up” for knowing my Inner Aspects. Not everyone wants to hear all inner parts unfiltered. That’s ok because our primary love relationship isn’t with another… it’s with yourself. To me, it is HEALTHY to move toward spending time with those with whom I can collaborate (in a healthy manner) on getting both of our needs met.

It is healthy to spend LESS time with those we cannot (including family and / or friends).

I work to lead my life as a centered, mature adult which sounds to me DIFFERENT than being in a relationship with those who continue to use verbal abuse when talking to me.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

10 Things To Do When Feeling Lonely

10 Things To Do When Feeling Lonely

 

Have you been feeling lonely or a bit down lately? Maybe you’ve noticed a lack of energy… 

Don’t worry, you are not the only one. 

The world is changing so rapidly, and adapting to it is becoming incredibly challenging for the majority of us. 

With the COVID pandemic around us, it’s really not a surprise that isolation led to more and more people feeling lonely.

But, this loneliness is definitely not something you should ignore. It’s one thing to feel sad or down a day or two due to the recent events in your life, however, when it affects your perspective on life, it’s time to do something about it.

Here are ten things you can do to not feel lonely and improve the quality of your spare time.

 

#1 Discover something new about yourself.

Is it time to take a paintbrush into your hand and start painting again like you used to do when you were a child? Or, maybe start writing short fiction stories which you used to love reading during your spring breaks? We’re not talking about hobbies or interests here, we’re talking about the activities that will wake up the creative, curious and content part of you. Just think about all those things you were always postponing to do and do them now. 

 

#2 Adopt an animal.

As much as animals are a responsibility, having them around can reduce the feeling of loneliness. They are great company, love to cuddle, go for walks and you’ll be thrilled once they learn a trick or two. If you’re not that sure it’s a smart move, why not provide a lovely cat or a dog with a home for just a few weeks? You will easily find this option in many animal organizations and shelters. 

 

#3 Reach out to an old friend.

Feeling of loneliness can sometimes appear when we don’t have anything new or exciting in our lives to connect with. Instead of going for a coffee with your best friend who knows you inside and out, how about reaching out to an old friend from your hometown or your school? You can use social media to reach out to them casually and ask them if they are available any time soon. And don’t worry if you don’t live close, you can always connect over a video call!

 

#4 Start volunteering.

You are probably passionate about a thing or two. How about you start investing your time in making the world a better place? When feeling lonely, sharing your time with those who need it will make you feel really fulfilled and connected with them. In the end, the feeling of belonging and seeing your value in the community will show you that you are never actually alone. You can even look for online volunteering opportunities, such as writing articles about women rights or helping launch creative eco-friendly campaigns.

 

#5 Create your wishlist.

Maybe you are feeling a bit stuck in this period of your life, but you can always use your imagination to escape. Where would you like to be in one year from now? How would you like your free time to be spent? Who would you like to be around? Is there any new sport or hobby you’d like to learn? Don’t limit yourself, write down everything that comes to mind. Once done, store it somewhere safe and wait for the next year to see how much of it you have accomplished.

 

#6 Write letters to your loneliness.

Treat the feeling of loneliness as your friend. Acknowledge it’s here and start writing letters to it. Write how it’s making you feel and what you like and don’t like about it. Not only will you feel better because you got all of that out of your system, but you will also start to differentiate that feeling from what you truly are. With time, you will understand that feeling lonely is only one part of you, but that it doesn’t define who you are. 

 

#7 Find you happy music, movies and shows.

What’s your favorite TV show that always makes you laugh even after watching it several times? What’s the music you will play if you want to dance and just jump around like nobody’s watching? Well, create your own list and once you feel lonely, blast that music or stream your favorite comedy and give yourself some time to laugh and simply to feel good. 

 

#8 Take a walk.

The majority of people will advise you to fight your loneliness with physical activity and although they are not wrong, it’s not that easy as it sounds. If you’re feeling lonely, you will probably not be inspired to go to the gym and spend 2 hours there. Instead, go for a walk and play a podcast you like or put on mediation music when you’re walking in the park or any other place that you like. If it’s one of those days where it’s difficult to even get out of bed, why don’t you walk to the restaurant in your neighbourhood and eat your breakfast there? As you probably won’t feel motivated to cook on days like these, walking to a restaurant is definitely a great idea!

 

#9 Invite a friend.

You will not feel lonely with company. And, as much as you are not motivated to invite someone over when you are feeling down, you should really do it. Invite them to prepare lunch with you, talk to you over a cup of coffee, help you organize your closet and get rid of the old clothes, fix broken things in your home, etc. Adding a purpose to it will bring additional value and create some good memories for both of you.

 

#10 Talk to a therapist.

When all of the above doesn’t work and you really don’t know what to do to stop feeling lonely, you should consider talking to a therapist. A professional will find the reasons why you are feeling like this and give you the best tools to manage it to have an exciting, healthy life. Talking always helps, but talking to someone who knows how to manage the situation you are in will be extremely beneficial for you in so many ways. You will already notice this after the first session, and be even more inspired to do all the other things from this list.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Anxiety Therapist

When is the Time to Visit an Anxiety Therapist?

When is the Time to Visit an Anxiety Therapist?

 

Nowadays, everyone is talking about anxiety and, although it’s generally a good thing, we tend to forget that people struggling with it deserve proper care and help. If you’re noticing signs of anxiety. Maybe it’s time to consider visiting an anxiety therapist who will provide you with the tools you need to successfully manage all areas of your life.  

To help you understand what anxiety is, how it can be treated and what are the first steps to take once you realize you have anxiety, read through all the important information about it below. 

 

First Signs of Anxiety

Anxiety symptoms usually will start in early childhood, but more than often they will not be detected on time. That’s why the majority of people get diagnosed with anxiety many years later. So, once a person is more aware of this disorder and how it’s affecting their everyday life, it’s much easier to find the right treatment and act accordingly.

These are the most common first signs of anxiety:

  • Feeling nervous or restless
  • Having unpleasant experiences such as panic or danger
  • Sweating
  • Increasing in the heart rate
  • Hyperventilating
  • Trembling
  • Having trouble concentrating

 

Different Types of Anxiety

Once you start researching this disorder, you will notice it has several types, and you have probably heard of almost all of them. Panic disorder, phobias, obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress and generalized anxiety disorder are the six principal types of anxiety.

To be considered a disorder, anxiety has to cause distress which will make it difficult for the person to keep up with some or all areas of their lives. Anxiety disorders will not disappear on their own and if not treated on time, there’s a potential risk of developing depression as well. Luckily, many treatments have proven to be successful in people with anxiety so the person can get adequate care right away. 

 

Anxiety Treatments

With anxiety, the crucial thing to know is that every use of medication needs to be supervised. But, before even considering medications, you should be aware that therapy is the most effective treatment for people coping with anxiety.

An adequate therapy will give a person all the tools they need to successfully manage anxiety in all of their daily activities. The therapy is focused on making the person stronger and giving it the feeling of control which lacks when the first signs of anxiety appear. 

As there are plenty of therapists applying different therapeutic techniques. A person with anxiety disorder should always seek an anxiety therapist as they are solely focused on that particular area and work only with patients coping with anxiety. Talking to an anxiety therapist will provide them with exactly what they need from the first session.

 

Finding the Perfect Anxiety Therapist

For those who are struggling with anxiety, having a professional who is experienced in treating patients with anxiety is what gives hope and motivation to start the treatment. After all, one of the reasons why people don’t seek help is because they believe they will not receive the help they need.

Instead of treating all mental health problems, anxiety therapists have chosen anxiety as their area of interest. They are well experienced in the existing treatment methods and understand which is the adequate method for each of their patients. 

While searching for the right anxiety therapist, it’s vital to make the decision based on personal preferences. After all, a person will talk regularly with their chosen therapist and personal preference is an important factor of progress. To check if they have experience in treating anxiety, you can search their website or look for their interviews or published articles. 

Most importantly, check what their previous patients say about them. Good therapists will always be recommended on forums, social media groups and other platforms where people are sharing this type of information.

 

Tips for Coping with Anxiety 

Before sharing a few valuable pieces of advice on how you can make it a bit easier for yourself if you’re coping with anxiety, be aware that without professional help. It will be incredibly challenging to achieve progress. There will be days where you will feel good, but don’t forget that anxiety is a disorder and it needs to be treated. By ignoring it, you will only make it worse for yourself.

That being said, you will probably not be able to run to see your anxiety therapist immediately after experiencing an unpleasant event. So, what can you do?

  • Notice your anxiety and become its friend. Don’t try running away from it.
  • When you feel anxious, always remember to take 10 breaths slowly as it will relax you and reduce the tension in your body.
  • Anxiety has its triggers. Once you learn which are yours, try to be aware of them when you’re near them. This way, you won’t be so overwhelmed by your triggers.
  • Accept you cannot control the outside world. The one that you can control and can become more comfortable is inside you.
  • Share how you are feeling with a friend or family member who understands and conversation with them makes you feel better.
  • Start practicing meditation. Even 10 minutes per day can be beneficial for your mind and soul.
  • Don’t isolate yourself. To avoid diving into your anxiety, become more active and go for walks, runs or plan a dinner with friends.

 

Acceptance is the act of courage

If a person is struggling with anxiety, the first step to recovery is accepting it. Be brave enough to determine you will do everything it takes to have the great life you deserve. Anxiety can be successfully treated and just by talking to an anxiety therapist, you will notice incredible progress. 

Anxiety is only one part of your life, and just how you learn to manage other aspects of your life, you can learn to manage anxiety as well. In the end, you don’t have to control anxiety, you should only learn how to stop letting anxiety control you. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How to Deal with Anxiety

How to Deal with Anxiety

How to Deal with Anxiety

 

How to deal with anxiety, other than just seeing a therapist, is to notice what occupies space in the mind. 

Some of how to deal with anxiety may manifest in the body (such as lack of focus, nervousness, sweatiness, and restlessness). 

As with most problems, there are short-term “fixes” and long term “cures.”

 

Short-Term How To Deal With Anxiety

To get quick relief on how to deal with anxiety, you can combine one or more of these tips:

  • If you are anxious about something that is going to happen soon, such as a test or interview:
    • Do your homework
    • Ensure that you have reviewed everything pertinent to make yourself as prepared 
    • Being prepared is one of the best ways to avoid anxiety

  • When you notice the thought process of anxiousness beginning to happen, stop and take slow and deep breaths by keeping your entire focus on breathing. 
    • Try sitting in a comfortable position, close your eyes and take 10 deep breaths. 
    • If this does not help incorporate a muscle relaxation technique. 
    • Scrunch your toes tight then release them, and gradually work up your body.

  • If an anxious thought enters your mind and refuses to go away, force it out! 
    • Think of a color and imagine the color in your mind. 
    • Repeat the color, such as “Blue, blue, blue” until your mind releases the nagging thought.

  • Try to identify what it is about the situation which is making you anxious. 
    • If you are struggling to make a decision about something, make 2 lists: one of the positives about the decisions, and one with the negatives. 
    • Weigh each item on a scale of 1-10, and then add it up, so you can see which list outweighs the other.

  • Try not to worry about things you have no control over. 
    • Easier said than done! 
    • If you find thoughts of global warming, terrorism, or world peace are making you anxious, slow down and focus on what you can control in your local community. 
    • Think about what control you have over these topics. 
    • If reading about these topics on social media is fueling your anxiety, please stop reading them

  • Avoid taking on every project that comes along. 
    • It is okay to let go of things that are making you anxious. It is perfectly okay to say “NO!” 
    • Maintaining your life into an organized state where you feel comfortable is key.

  • Your emotional state affects your thought process, and can cause anxiety. 
    • Avoid clutter & clean up your space – it really helps. 
    • Even having fresh flowers on your counter can help brighten your mood.

  • Go for a walk and get some fresh air. 
    • Practice “walking mindfulness” which is where you walk and pay attention to the way you walk. 
    • Try to focus on appreciating that you are walking as opposed to letting your mind wander. 
    • By letting your mind wander or judge, it will tune into the same horror channels as before/
    • Stay in the moment and practice saying things to yourself like:
      • I love you
      • It’s going to be ok
      • I am listening

Dealing with immediate symptoms of anxiety will only provide short term relief. 

To be able to reduce your tendency to be anxious over the long run, you need to take a more organized approach to train your mind on how to deal with anxiety.

 

Long-Term How To Deal With Anxiety 

Identify and learn to manage your triggers:

  • When you figure out your trigger(s), you should try to limit your exposure if you can. 
  • If you cannot limit it, learn which coping methods work best for you. 
  • Some common triggers are stressful jobs, driving or traveling, withdrawal from alcohol, or trauma.

Do daily or routine meditation:

  • While this takes some practice to do successfully, mindful meditation, when done regularly, can eventually help you train your brain to dismiss anxious thoughts when they arise.

Try supplements or change your diet

  • Changing your diet or taking supplements is definitely a long-term strategy. 
  • Research shows supplements or nutrients can help mental health symptoms:
    • Examples include: fish oil, omega-3 fatty acids, Vitamin D, Green tea, vitamin B, etc. 

Supplements and nutrients can take up to three months before your body is running on the nutrients these herbs provide for your body.

Keep your body and mind healthy:

  • Exercising regularly 
  • Eating balanced meals
  • Getting enough sleep
  • Staying connected to people who care about you 

These are all ways on how to deal with your anxiety symptoms.  

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

 

Emotional Detachment

Stop Emotional Detachment and Take A Time Out! 

Stop Emotional Detachment and Take A Time Out! 

 

If you experience emotional detachment while arguing with a partner, try something new. 

When you feel triggered by your partner(s), stop and take a time out with yourself. 

 

Unless there is violence happening, or there is a situation of life / death, the situation will benefit from time. 

Emotional detachment is when we hit an internal wall of intimacy due to recognizing our wounded past. 

When this happens, emotions are projected onto partner(s) or loved ones.

The goal is not to emotionally detach, yet to learn, to feel, to reveal, take responsibility and invite collaboration with others.

All those within an argument can ask for a time out when needed. 

Take a minimum of 20 minutes so that your prefrontal cortex can come back online! 

While you calm yourself down and / or slow down your numbness, try to stay emotionally engaged. 

Some things to consider asking:

  • What is the emotion of what I am feeling? 
  • What are the words in my head?
  • When is the earliest in my childhood that I recall saying these words inside my head 
  • When is the earliest in my childhood that I remember feeling this way?
  • Do any memories/pictures arise when I ask that?

Then, journal, dance, move through the emotion on your own. 

Use coping strategies (such as distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, grounding and meditation techniques) to tune into the CORE of the hurt. 

Then, go back to the person or event that was triggering. Now that you are resourced and more grounded, it is time to connect with another. 

Emotional detachment is harmful to the relationship, so it’s important to practice interpersonal connection with those you love instead. 

If you have consent, you can calmly and courageously reveal what is happening for you. 

 

Using Compassionate Communication instead of Emotional Detachment

  •  Make a request
  •  Let them know a limit or boundary
  •  Invite collaboration

 

“I am noticing that for me, when there is a tone of voice like I heard, it reminds me of an uncomfortable experience from my youth. I can either let you know in the future that that’s happening for me. Are you willing to be a part of redirecting the conversation?” 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

“I Hate my Therapist”

“I Hate my Therapist”

 

It is startling how often we are told “I hate my therapist” and that is why clients are requesting services. 

Many clients show up to the first session, called an intake, and discuss how terrible their experiences have been in therapy thus far. 

Oftentimes, a session or two is spent talking about why they state “I hate my therapist.” Working through how that impacted them is important so we can make this experience different. 

 

Horror Stories from Clients

If some of these stories are too familiar to you, you probably do not have the right therapist. The stories are heard included some of the following: 

  • Many people have had TERRIBLE experiences in therapy
  • They were shamed
  • Therapists fell asleep
  • Connection was not great
  • Were not challenged
  • Were not validated 
  • Did not feel seen
  • Experienced a therapist who was discriminated against them

Topics listed here are horror stories from clients that stated they hated their past therapist. 

Unfortunately, in our society, it is considered normal to stay with a provider regardless of how “helpful” we feel it is. A lot of my clients felt like they had to stay with therapists, doctors, and other providers because “they had to.” 

Each of us have different needs in a therapist and that makes sense – we are all different! But having a therapist that works for you means YOU need to feel connected and comfortable with them. Therapy is vulnerable, emotional, and can be intense so it is important that you are getting your needs met. 

 

What Can I Do?

Here are some tips and tricks on some things to do to help you find the best fit for you.

  • Write a list of qualities you want your therapist to have
  • Figure out what you need to focus on, look up therapists who list that
  • Look up reviews on the therapist and the practice
  • Talk to people in your life about their experiences 

If you are in therapy already these questions might help.

 

Questions to Ask Yourself:

  • Do you feel connected to your therapist?
  • Do you feel heard by your clinician?
  • Are they collaborating with you?
  • Can you give them feedback or advocate for yourself?
  • Do they seem open and non-judgmental?
  • Are they clear? Are you able to clearly communicate with them?
  • Do they take accountability when they mess up or misunderstand?
  • Are they able to model appropriate behavior (boundaries, communication, etc)?
  • Do they care about your experience and your needs?
  • Do they notice your patterns?
  • Are they validating? Are they supportive?
  • Do they explore underlying issues?
  • Are they reliable? 
  • Do you feel like your goals are being met or addressed?
  • Are they responsive?
  • Are they on time? Do they end on time?
  • Do they ask your consent?

It’s important that we value ourselves and our care. 

I hope that this post helps when you hate your therapist! Please find a way to work with providers who you want to keep working with, this will help you have a conversation to help you figure out if they are the right fit for you!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How to get out of depression How to get out of depression

How to Get out of Depression – Step by Step Guide!

How to Get out of Depression – Step by Step Guide!

 

Depression is a complex illness and how to get out of depression is even more challenging. 

Depression can affect mental and emotional health, including physical, social, and professional side effects. How to get out of depression may be good for all to learn, as those we love may hide it. 

Put simply, the disorder is exhausting, life-altering, and sometimes deadly. 

Here are some ways to help you learn how to get out of depression! 

 

Step by Step Guide – You Can Read It In Order Or Apply Out Of Order!

 

Step One:

The low feeling might be caused by a chemical imbalance. Start by accessing what you are putting in your body. This includes smoking, drinking and food choices for those who are sensitive. After you have reviewed a couple days worth of intake choices, try by keeping the foods that are working and eliminating those that make your mental illness feel worse. If it has no effect, no problem. 

 

Step Two:

Do light exercising to get out of depression. Moving your body allows you to have a different relationship with your body. Not only does exercise allow for a distraction, it creates endorphins to help boost your mood. 

Depression is common among people who have had major surgeries or injuries, so be careful not to overdo it. A small chart or journal to record your daily activities will help you see the progress from the beginning. QUICK intervals of exercise are more effective than hurting yourself. 

 

Step Three:

If you are experiencing isolation, try a new or different environment. 

Maybe the living room of your house has little light and you feel extra gloomy in there. Have you considered that you can add a lamp? Even rearranging the furniture so your favorite chair is closer to the window might help create a new vibe in the room. 

In some cases, just finding 20 minutes to sit outside for fresh air can be the change of environment you need. Additionally, considering breaking out of the same routine each night can be a game changer too. Step by step on how to get out of depression is important. It isn’t going to happen all of the sudden!

 

Step Four:

Do something for someone else if you desire. So, by doing even the smallest thing for someone else (making them a card), your mood may get a boost. 

Sometimes depression can cause one to feel hopeless. Instead of focusing on what you cannot do, focusing on what you change in the world is important. 

It could be as small as picking a flower on your walk to the bus stop and giving it to the lady you see daily. In response to a kind gesture, sometimes, people are gracious back. That warm feeling does not have to cost you money and you get the endorphins by contributing to someone’s day being brighter. Contribution is a basic human need and it will help our mental health if we can access it. 

 

Step Five:

Find a way to reduce stress. Therefore, care for yourself in ways that comfort you. Wear comfortable clothes, draw a warm bath weekly, or simply pick up a book. Each person is different. So, maybe for you it is taking a painting class or cooking a new recipe for dinner.

For me, looking up recipes can be calming, yet the making of the meal can get overwhelming. If this is also true for you, this will not help you get out of depression. 

Attune the activity for your benefit. Check in and ask yourself what you did for hours as a child that brought you joy. 

 

Step Six:

Find “you” time by keeping boundaries. It is important to ensure time for yourself and a space where you feel relaxed. 

While life may take its toll, remember to shut all the daily bothers at a certain time of day (even for 15 minutes) just focus on you. 

The time away from the troublesome bothers of your day will help you refresh and be able to handle them better.

If this doesn’t work, put in 15 minutes a day to actually fixate on what is bothering you, so then the rest of the day, you eliminate the automatic negative thoughts. 

 

Step Seven: Reconnect with Nature. While it seems easier said than done, many people do this daily and do not realize it. How many of you noticed the lack of attunement to others and nature during the pandemic quarantine? 

While some may think of reconnecting with nature as going hiking or camping, it could be as simple as opening your Uber window. The littlest observations with nature can help soothe and give your mind a new focus.

Buying a bird feeder and hanging out a window each day is one example of how to appreciate nature. 

As the seasons change you can observe what new birds come back during the year. This is something that I learned from living in a first responder family, because nature can be incredibly healing when you are terrorized weekly by what you see in your career.

 

Step Eight:

Chart & record your progress. Even the smallest improvements can be celebrated. Whether you choose to try all of the steps above or simply pick one and see how your mood changes, remember the smallest improvement can help you combat depression.

Overall, there is not one set way on how to get out of depression or cure your symptoms. It is important that we are equitable with ourselves and others to give them what they need. 

Depression does take time to combat, and each step in this guide can help lead you in the right direction. Of course, if you need personalized attention, seek counseling and psychotherapy! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Coping with Depression

Coping with Depression in a Loved One

Coping with Depression in a Loved One

 

If you are coping with depression in a loved one, it can sometimes feel hopeless.

Depression is a serious yet treatable disorder that affects millions of people – irregardless of age. From young to old and from all walks of life, coping with depression in a loved one can be a challenge. 

Symptoms of depression can cause tremendous pain; hurting not just those suffering, yet impacting loved ones around them. 

If someone you love is depressed, you may be experiencing difficult emotions. You may feel helplessness, frustration, anger, fear, guilt, and sadness. These feelings are all normal. 

It is not easy coping with a loved one’s  depression, yet be mindful not to neglect individual health and wellness.

 

Depression is a serious condition

Do not underestimate the seriousness of depression. 

Depression drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. 

Your depressed loved one can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will.

 

The symptoms of depression are not personal

Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people they love the most. It’s also common for depressed people to say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not your loved one, so try not to take it personally.

 

Hiding the problem will not make it go away

It does not help anyone involved if you try making excuses, covering up the problem, or lying for a friend or family member who is depressed. In fact, this may keep the depressed person from seeking treatment.

 

Your loved one isn’t lazy or unmotivated.

When you are suffering from depression, just thinking about doing the things that may help you to feel better can seem exhausting or impossible to put into action. Have patience as you encourage your loved one to take the first small steps to recovery. One way to help is also, by leading by example. If your loved one struggles trying to see something positive for the day try to find something each day and point it out.

 

You cannot “fix” someone else’s depression.

As much as you may want to, you can’t rescue someone from depression nor fix the problem for them. You are not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for their happiness (or lack thereof). While you can offer love and support, ultimately recovery is in the hands of the depressed person. But you can help, encourage them to be active. Whether it is taking a walk together each night or going out to dinner just changing the scenery for them can help boost their overall mood.

Sometimes just being able to be someone your loved one can talk to is the best thing for them. Most people feel that when someone comes to you to talk, you have to have a solution or an answer to fix what is going on. With someone who is depressed, by you just being a listener is a huge thing for them. Also know going in one heart to heart conversation is not going to “fix” them. By being a willing listener and encouraging them to open up about their feelings and be willing to listen without judgement is an important factor in helping them cope.  Remember, by being supportive means offering encouragement and hope. This also means being able to talk to them in a language they understand and can respond to in their depressed state of mind.

It may be hard to believe that the person you know, and love would ever consider something as drastic as suicide. But a depressed person may not see any other way out. Depression clouds judgment and distorts thinking, causing a normally rational person to believe that death is the only way to end the pain they are feeling. If your loved one is mentioning or has thoughts of suicide, do not wait to talk to them about their feelings. Many people feel uncomfortable when the topic arises. But it is one of the best things you can do for someone who is contemplating suicide. If you feel you cannot help your loved one, please reach out and get professional help.

While you cannot control someone else’s recovery from depression, you can start by encouraging your loved one to seek help for coping with depression. 

Your loved one might be overwhelmed in making the appointment or seeking the correct clinician. Ask if they want your help to motivate them into securing an appointment. 

This just might be what they need to start coping with the symptoms and get the ball rolling to recovery. 

The most important part of your loved one’s journey to coping from depression is support. 

Whether it means being there to listen after seeking help from a therapist, support is huge in recovery. 

Any steps to help overcome the larger hurdles in daily lives will help your loved one create the life they want. 

If you need extra support, seek help.  

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

say no

Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

Best Tips to say NO to Someone Without Excuses

 

Say No is a complete sentence, and “no” can be said in a kind tone and with loving intentions. People can be polite and gracious; “no, thank you. It doesn’t meet my needs.”

You don’t have to make excuses. The best tips to say no work when you are in a place where it is safe to do so.

In other words, you can say “no, I am not able to commit to that right now.”

Saying no can be challenging at first, yet knowing your priorities can make it easier. 

 

What If Someone Wants To Know Your Why

Others often want a justification or an explanation, yet no one has a right to that information. 

Protecting energy, time, and peace is vital for all individuals to live harmoniously. 

Actually, the intention behind a “no” is a place of love. The way that other individuals respond is not your responsibility.

If others benefit from being around you because it meets their needs, your job is to protect how it affects you. 

You have to be true to yourself and how you want to feel. 

For example, saying “thank you for the invite, and I cannot be there” is a boundary. 

A boundary is the distance between how much I can love you and myself at the same time. 

Sometimes those you set boundaries with will not understand. On the other hand, some may start to respect you for having set the boundary, and give themselves permission to do so, too. 

 

No is Allowed

What the other person thinks about receiving a “no” to their request is on them. 

This is not in the control of the person who said “no,” nor are their feelings.

For example, if your family invites you to a conversation or an event, you can say no. 

If your coworker asks for you to do them a favor, you can say no. 

You are at choice, as an empowered adult. If others think that you are selfish, they are wrong. It is everyone’s individual duty to engage in self-love, create their space, and decide who gets to come in and out of those boundaries. 

Even though it may seem like your family benefits from your time with them…if it’s ultimately doing damage to your energy, your spirit, your mindset…then where does that leave YOU?

It’s not selfish to create your space and protect it.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Complex PTSD

What is Complex PTSD [Complex Post Traumatic Stress]

What is Complex PTSD [Complex Post Traumatic Stress]

 

Complex Post Traumatic Stress or  C-PTSD is something we see and hear a lot about in our lives. C-PTSD refers to someone who has experienced long term trauma that has resulted in a variety of symptoms and impacts on the individual and their system. 

What Is it?

Although overlapping with general PTSD diagnosis, C-PTSD is something that is chronic, long term trauma. PTSD is often related to one event or experience that results in someone experiencing various trauma symptoms. When multiple events occur or the experience lasts for a long time, people are at higher risk for developing C-PTSD.

C-PTSD can be created due to various factors from living within an abusive household, being in a toxic relationship, living somewhere where there is a lot of violence around, being a first responder, being oppressed or discriminated against, or being at war. 

One of the hardest things for people to understand in trauma is that trauma is about the individuals experience. So while something may be traumatic for one person, it may not be traumatic for another. Often, people are dismissive of people’s traumas because they do not understand which results in a lack of empathy and compassion for the person who is struggling with it. 

This dynamic and invalidation often creates an exacerbation of symptoms for the individual. Feelings of hopelessness, shame, and powerlessness are common with CPTSD.  When people do not believe or dismiss people’s experiences it certainly increases the impact of the C-PTSD for that individual. 

C-PTSD Symptoms

Symptoms can look like: 

  • Difficulty regulating emotions, (e.g. extreme anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, and quick swings from one to another)
  • Avoidance about what reminds the individual about the trauma(s)
  • Intrusive memories or thoughts (not being able to change or control their thoughts)
  • Losing memories of the trauma  
  • Reliving memories from the trauma through flashbacks or feeling like it is happening again
  • Dissociating, or feeling detached from oneself (almost like they are floating or in a movie)
  • Changes in self-perception, including feeling totally different from other people and feeling ashamed or guilty
  • Significant difficulties in relationships, including difficulty trusting others, or even seeking an abuser, codependency, difficulty trusting themselves
  • Distorted perceptions of reality or the people part of this traumatic event. (e.g. placing all the power to this person, becoming obsessed with him or her, or becoming preoccupied with revenge)
  • Difficulty sleeping or having nightmares about the event(s)
  • Loss of a system of meanings, such as losing one’s core beliefs, values, religious faith, etc.
  • Shift in presentation or the way they seem to people around them
  • High risk behaviors
  • Difficulty taking criticism or feedback from others. Experience things as personal attacks. 

Complex PTSD

Although this list includes many of the symptoms, it is challenging to name them all. Often times after reflecting on these skills it is hard to differentiate between this experience and some personality disorders.

Personality disorders (PD) are a way of taking in a variety of factors to determine when C-PTSD is accompanied or surpassed into a PD.  Often with PD’s we look towards factors such as genetic, responsiveness to treatments, length of episode, and intensity and duration of symptoms. Various PD’s have other symptoms that accompany many listed above. 

If you demonstrate the symptoms listed above or any of the aforementioned information feels true for you, it is almost always helpful to connect to a mental health provider who engages in trauma work to help you manage and address your needs. 

IAM

Throughout the pandemic the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) has been my go to trauma modality as it only requires the client and a quiet space. IAM is a method of therapy that is similar to Interal Family Systems (IFS). It focuses on the various parts of ourselves that make up who we are. Just like we have multiple parts of our body, IAM identifies their various aspects of ourselves as people. 

The benefits of using this particular modal is that it allows clients to identify their younger selves and work through the trauma(s) that have happened to them throughout their lives, which as you can imagine is very helpful with those healing from C-PTSD. The idea is figuring out the ways inner aspects have been harmed and impacted by the trauma, finding the strategies that are utilized. Recognizing and holding compassion for those strategies as survival techniques. And being open to finding new strategies that are more healthy and adaptive. 

Additionally, the IAM focuses on building compassion for ourselves and our various inner aspects. This includes being able to provide and meet the needs of our own inner aspects rather than relying on external forces to solely regulate. The idea is to co-regulate within yourself and meet the needs of yourself and bring consciousness to the decisions one is making surrounding their emotional responses. This consciousness reduces reactivity, brings intention and compassion to those applying the techniques. 

For those with C-PTSD, this can help de-personalize the trauma, address feelings of shame or powerlessness, build compassion for themselves, and identify ways to regulate and respond more consciously in their emotional experiences. The concepts of providing and building self compassion, internal  validation, empowerment, and self love allow for healing to take place. 

I have also found that applying the IAM method with Compassionate Communication (Non-violent communication). Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) have also been useful supporting modalities to help others healing from C-PTSD. IAM and EMDR together have allowed for the ability to fully engage in the inner aspects and reprocess trauma. 

C-PTSD is SUCH a difficult thing to go through. It is so important for people with it to have the supports and resources needed to help address these struggles to heal. And learn how to find strategies to support your health and wellness.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.