How To Break Up With Someone Over Text
How to break up with someone over text and not hurt their feelings? Sorry to disappoint you: it’s almost impossible to break up with someone, whether it’s in person, over text or a phone call, and not to impact the way they feel. With that being said, there are several approaches you can choose to break up with someone in a respectful way, even if it’s over a text message.
So, if you’re currently in a relationship that is making you unhappy, learn here how to kindly break up with that person and give yourself a chance for a fresh start.
When should you break up with someone over text?
As much as you might think that this is not the best method to put an end to a relationship, there are many situations where it’s one of the most efficient and safest ways. For those who have been in a toxic or maybe violent relationship and their partner simply lacks comprehension and empathy, it’s almost naive to expect you’ll be able to break up with them successfully in person.
In general, if you have a partner that will not accept your decision on ending the relationship, you should always choose to inform them over text. Otherwise, you might get stuck in endless discussions which will lead nowhere.
Also, if you went only on a few dates and you’re not sure whether this can be called a relationship yet you are certain you want to put a stop to it, text them about it. Making big announcements for something that is still in the casual phase of dating is a drama that everyone wants to avoid.
If you have been in a long relationship with your partner and it’s no longer working out, don’t break the news to them over a text message. You can invite them for coffee or a walk in your text and do it respectfully in person. You wouldn’t want to be left by your partner of three years over a simple, plain text either, right?
How to craft your break-up text message?
If you have decided to break up with someone over text, you will need to be kind, yet straightforward. Don’t send an extra short or long text as they will not deliver the message properly. Instead, follow this simple break up formula:
- Start with a compliment. Say what you loved about the relationship or the person e.g. long talk, fun road trip or their kindness. Write it from your heart so your partner knows you were as honest as you could have been.
- Explain your reason. You are breaking up with them for a certain reason or more of them. Make sure you explain why that is the deal breaker for you.
- Wish them all the best. Consider that this is your last message to them and write what you wish for them. Avoid the sarcastic, angry or negative tone. It simply didn’t work out and that’s fine!
And what happens if you are trying to get out of a really unhealthy relationship? In reality, your text should follow the same structure yet instead of focusing on complimenting the person, you should firmly explain why you wish to end this relationship. Show you are not looking to discuss things and that you’re not expecting a reply.
Can you break up and still be friends?
This doesn’t depend so much on your chosen break up method as it depends on you and your partner. For instance, maybe it was a blind date that didn’t go well, yet you both decided to give it another chance. After three or four times, you decide to end it. If they agree there was no spark between the two of you, and they wish to keep you in their lives, there is a pretty good chance you two will stay friends.
If this is something you want, you should write it clearly in your text. This is a good example of how to break up and show you still wish to be friends:
Hi Alex, it was great going to your favorite restaurant the other night. I had so much fun, yet, from my end – there’s no spark. It seems like it’s the same for you, am I right? I would love to continue having fun as friends!
If you’re looking to be friends with them, make sure your messages are written in a positive tone and that you are not focusing on the breaking up part. Highlight what you really like about them and keep it light and breezy!
What do you need to avoid when sending a break up text?
Never broken up with someone over text before? Don’t worry, it’s actually not that difficult. From all those who are already experts in this field, these are the common mistakes we gathered that they wish never happened. Make sure they never happen to you!
- Don’t swear or insult. Besides being rude, you will show that your decision is not rational as it comes from anger.
- Don’t be sarcastic or cynical. Breakups are already uncomfortable without comments which will make the person feel even worse.
- Don’t write essays. Writing long breakup messages can seem like you’re sharing your point of view and asking them to share theirs. Keep it short!
- Don’t send multiple texts. Send everyone in one message. Sending a few in a row can seem like you’re not so certain in your decision.
- Don’t block them. As much as it helps you not to know if they replied, be reasonable and don’t treat them immediately like your worst enemy.
- Don’t finish with a question. You are breaking up with them so your message shouldn’t be an opening for a discussion. Be affirmative.
If this is your first time you will break up with someone over text, just think about the text you would prefer if someone was breaking up with you. It doesn’t have to be poetic, beautiful and with perfect grammar, it just needs to be from the heart and with all the respect that person deserves!
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