Body Positivity

Body Positivity for People of all Identities and Abilities

 Body Positivity for People of all Identities and Abilities

Body positivity for all people is our goal!

What is body positivity, you may ask?

Body positivity is a view of the body that is focused on the strengths and characteristics of our bodies, while avoiding discussions of “fat” or “skinny” and shaming of other bodies.

One of the main complaints in sexual satisfaction is that individuals, of all identities and abilities, discuss that they “hate their body.”

If you hate your body, it is going to be challenging to be body positive, AND it is may have a strong correlation between experiencing difficulty in achieving pleasurable sex.

 

Why It’s Easy to Hate Your Body!

Body Positivity can be a challenge for all, especially since we are conditioned to look for the negative instead of the positive.

Although looking for the negative is a survival mechanism that keeps us safe and alive, it often deprives us of the richer feelings of life that positivity brings.

Whether you know it or not, messages about how to design your relationships and your sexual satisfaction, who we ought to be, and what we ought to look like are culturally conditioned into us.

If you think about your upbringing… think about how everything you have learned has been filtered to you through your family, schools, media, or other communities you are a part of.

When I really think about it, it is no wonder hate is easier than love.

However, let’s not accept this! Let’s strive for MORE BODY POSITIVITY!

Since I was 19 years old, I began my journey of radical body positivity.

Here are some of the things I have learned to break through old thought patterns and start with body positivity for people of ALL Identities and Abilities.  

 

Ways to Love Your Body!

 

1. Fall in love with your hygiene

Hygiene is something we “have” to do, and it is something that we can gain satisfaction from.

Brushing your teeth and flossing daily can significantly improve how you feel about yourself. When you love your smile, it shows!

Body Positivity

Have gatherings with some friends where you do face masks, file and paint nails, and agree to give each other hand or shoulder massages.

Get your nails done. Most nail salons in my area have seating to fit all body sizes. Similarly, some have portable water basins, stations, and dryers which are set up for wheelchair accessibility.

Showers and bathing can transform from MUST DO to PLEASURE-CENTERED. If you can, make more time in your schedule by taking away a TV show and adding a candle and some music in the bathroom.

For those who have hair - get a shampoo and conditioner you LOVE. It will be icing on the cake of how you feel about yourself, regardless of your identity or your abilities.    

 

2. Tell yourself in the MIRROR daily “I love you and your body, ________.” (Add your name!)

Body Positivity

It doesn’t matter how silly it seems. This is important. Self-love MATTERS. Think about all the times you tell yourself, silently, mean things.

You have to start combatting some of those thoughts and REPLACING that negative, mean comment with a more positive belief about yourself.

 

3.     Begin practicing mind-body integrations!

Many of us weren’t modeled self-love, due to generations of trauma that our families carried before us.

Now that we have the luxuries of the modern world, we have not had the mentors to teach us about integration of mind, body, and emotions.

Body Positivity

We all know it is important and have heard about mind-body connection before… have you practiced it though?

If you aren’t actively integrating this, you are missing out on a huge aspect of loving yourself.

Whether it be EMDR therapy, yoga, meditation, or sound baths (especially for those who have limited movement), try to find some way connect your mind with your body.

 

4.     Hydration!

A personal favorite of mine. Drink water! Take your body weight (in pounds) and divide it by 2. This is your suggested daily water intake!

When you are hydrated, your body functions better. Please remember to consult with a doctor!

Body Positivity 

5.     Visit an APRN!

If you are blessed with health insurance, visit an advanced practice registered nurse, who has the ability and experience to provide psychiatric medications.

If you don’t love your body, talking with someone in the medical field is important. They have answers on the body that a mental health professional would not.

 

What are your favorite techniques for body positivity?

If you can’t begin to fathom any of these options, please see a body-positive mental health professional or clinician. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Bisexuality

Bisexuality and Other Invisible Identities 

Bisexuality and Other Invisible Identities 

 

Being attracted to more than one gender (bisexuality and pansexuality) can be complicated and wonderful! 

In my work and over 8 years of experience as a therapist, I have learned an extraordinary amount about these identities that allow individuals and their partner(s) to manage their needs. 

 

Sexual Identity

Bisexuality is defined as being attracted to “both genders or sexes” and pansexuality is being attracted to all genders. In working with individuals who identify this way, it is clear that there are so ups and downs in the identity. When people within these identities are in a monogamous relationship, some have shared that it feels like their identity is not known. 

 

Relational Identity

Another invisible identity is being in a monogamous relationship when you identify as polyamorous or on the continuum of non-monogamous. 

There are many people who identify as polyamorous that choose to be in a monogamous relationship with their partner due to a variety of reasons. 

Whether that be that they are polyphobic (scared of being polyamorous), their partner is not okay with the idea of it, because there is no protection for employment for open relationships (you can get fired or Child Custody Services called on you if you identify with being in open relationships), or for other personal reasons. 

Polyamory is the idea of loving multiple partners. Polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is increasingly becoming common. 

Being in love with more than one person isn’t as radical as it seems and if you want to learn more, check out this blog.

Polyamory can mean having a relationship with more than one person or feeling love, affection, and or having a sexual relationship with more than one person. 

This identity is often misunderstood and has been given a bad wrap because of nonconsensual forms of it (for example: infidelity, cheating, and affairs). 

The key to polyamory is consent. Consent from all people involved and a level of attunement and erring on the side of over-communicating with all partners involved are often essential for those who identify as polyamorous.

Bisexuality

How do you show that you are bisexual or pansexual in a monogamous relationship? 

In other-sex/gender or same-sex/gender relationships, when you are seen holding hands or being affectionate with that partner, you are assumed to be straight or gay/lesbian. 

When you are bisexual, pansexual, or polyamorous in a monogamous relationship, unless you are wearing something (or tattoo it across your forehead haha), there is limited ability to show your identity without verbally speaking it, and often. 

This can be exhausting! To have to constantly come out or correct people can be challenging and overwhelming! 

Some choose to passively accept the label of “gay” or “straight” and others “correct” those who mislabel them. Either can feel defeating as a person with an invisible identity. 

Furthermore, there is a lot of bi/pan/polyphobia in both the heteronormative and queer worlds. 

Many do not believe in these sexualities or I have also heard others sharing that it takes away from the queer identity because people in this identity can access “straight privilege.” 

In the case of people who identify as poly, this can show in the form of making assumptions about what “poly” is because it is very misunderstood. 

Stop the bi/pan/polyphobia! 

Show support for our bi/pan friends and stop invalidating these identities. 

It’s not okay! 

If you don’t get it, learn about it! 

Bisexuality

Being Unseen and the Impacts

There are a variety of ways on how to manage the feeling that a part of your identity is unseen or erased. 

Here are some of our favorite tips at Life Coaching and Therapy:

  • Talk about it! Make it visible! Share your feelings with those you trust, especially your partner. Discuss what it is like and ask your partner to hold that space for you.
  • Educate yourself on open relationships or polyamory to see if that is a choice for you.
  • Strategize! Is there something you and your partner can do that would allow your identity to be seen more?
  • Engage in role play or fantasy play with your partner or by yourself! Why not use masturbation and fantasy 
  • Allow yourself to grieve this through ritual, therapy, spirituality, or other means.
  • Use “radical acceptance” in being able to accept your identity and your choice of person. 
  • COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!

If you are really struggling with feeling unseen or not sure about your experience, reach out to a professional to help. 

This can allow you to explore your identity, ways to grieve, cope, or change. 

The impact of not doing this is ending up feeling resentful, unseen, or causing emotional harm to yourself and others. 

If this is hitting home for you or someone you know, please consider some of the suggestions and finding support. Here at LCAT, we are here to help! Identity, sex, and relationships are our thing!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


How the Other Woman Feels When It’s Over!

How the Other Woman Feels When It’s Over!

 

How does the other woman feel when they’re caught up in an affair? Most of the time, they get overlooked or accused of wrecking what was a healthy marriage or partnership. That, though, isn’t always true.

When affairs happen, it’s easy to throw around absolutes over who was wrong and why things went down the way they did. Emotions run hot in relationships anyway. Add infidelity to the mix and things can get explosive.

Just as is the case in steady relationships, affairs happen on a spectrum. Some people get involved in affairs because of nefarious reasons. They love the thrill of cheating or are too cowardly. They can't be honest with their spouse or partner. The cheating partner knows they’re doing something awful, but their ego overpowers their sense of morality.

Affairs aren’t always evil, as weird as that sounds. Going around your partner’s back for sex, connection, touch, or any other reason is never good, but if we’re honest with ourselves, we can empathize why it happens. Throw in children, financial responsibilities, religious conviction, and societal pressure into the mix, and it’s possible to understand why it happens.

 

Our Yearning for Connection

“How could she? She knew he was married! She’s a homewrecker.” The other woman always catches a ton of heat when affairs go down.

It’s easy to demonize the other woman. After all, why would any woman want to be with someone who is living a double life? It must be that their intentions are bad, because, why would they ever agree to be with someone they know is unable to fully commit?

Understand, too, that people who drive themselves into affairs are often master manipulators. They use guilt, flattery, humor, or whatever else it takes to capitalize on a woman’s weakness. Remember, people who take no thought of how infidelity will affect their faithful partner aren’t usually worried about a little emotional manipulation to get what they want.

 

The Other Woman and Her Six Human Needs

For decades, psychologists have preached about Maslow’s needs and how survival, safety, love, belonging, esteem, and self-realization drive everything we do. The motivations on why anyone, including the other woman, enters into an affair is no exception.

Other women have affairs because they want safety knowing exactly what their relationship is. They like knowing that whatever this “relationship” is, it can only go so far because he or she has someone waiting for them at home. They enjoy the casualness of the affair because it gives them a bit of belonging but doesn’t get in the way of their journey towards self-realization.

 

Sometimes Affairs Fill a Need

Perhaps the person having an affair who they’re involved with offers them the companionship they’re seeking but unable to get elsewhere. Maybe the sex is great. Other times, an affair offers her a transactional human connection that doesn’t encroach on other parts of her life like a career, education, or some other form of personal development.

In our experience, women get caught up in affairs for several reasons. If you’ve had an affair before, you know that it doesn’t start with any sort of desire to destroy someone else’s life.

Usually, women accept the constraints of living in an affair because what they’re getting is filling a gaping need, even if what they’re receiving is shallow.

That doesn’t mean it’s acceptable, but knowing affairs happen for many reasons can help us be more fully aware of what it takes to sustain a loving, fulfilling relationship.

 

What It’s Like for the Other Woman

The other woman is an interesting role. It’s a role that doesn’t get a lot of attention because it goes against the popular narrative that women generally seek emotional connections before physical ones.

If that was the case, though, affairs would never happen because the other woman is often short changed when it comes to time and affection from the person they’re sleeping with.

It’s true, some women find themselves in affairs at low points in their lives when they’re willing to accept less than they deserve. That’s not always the case though. Some women love the thrill of flirting with danger, of tasting the forbidden fruit, being a little naughty.

After all, if the feeling is mutual with someone, you’re super attracted to, it’s very tempting. You get to go home by yourself without all the obligations and emotional baggage of a committed relationship. Your life is still very much yours. It can be pretty appealing for some people.

 

Dwindling Taboos Make Affairs Easier

It’s important to understand as well that life is different these days. The hookup culture that most of us have grown up with has meant fewer people are settling down. More people are ok with a bit of sex and personal connection without it overwhelming our lives.

The other woman is often someone who wants to have good sex, go out to a nice place on occasion, and have some fun without it getting in the way of their personal goals. Whether or not the person they’re sleeping with is having an affair is no business of theirs.

 

Lingering Hopes They’ll Change

A lot of other women get caught up waiting. They wait endlessly the person they’re involved with promises over and over again that they’re leaving their partner behind to be with them. When the promised deadline passes, they get a gift, an apology, and another promise it’ll happen soon.

When real feelings are involved, it’s easy for the other woman to view the spouse at home or wherever they are as the bad one. They’re abusive, manipulating, or holding the kids as leverage. All they have to do, they think, is wait for her out and the new couple can make a happy life together.

Realize, as well, that not all other women even know about the committed relationship their partner is in. Plenty of women have been lied to while the person they’re seeing is living a double life. All along they thought they just had to travel for work a bunch. There are, however, things you can do to spot an affair.

 

When It Ends

Just like normal relationships, affairs can end messily or amicably. It’s common for the other woman to feel a sense of relief after an affair. The longer the affair goes on, the heavier the emotional burden can get. Not having to worry about getting caught, when you can call, and all the other ‘rules’ in an affair can be freeing.

Perhaps the best lesson from non-consensual affairs we can take is that they help us better understand what we crave and what it takes to find something fulfilling.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Natural Male Enhancement

Natural Male Enhancement

Natural Male Enhancement

 

When did the obsession over penis size start? I mean, if you take a trip to Rome, you’ll see row after row of statues with a beautiful muscular physique. Draft your eyes a bit lower, though, and you see some pretty small penises. Some say small penises were idealized then. It wasn’t too long ago, so why the shift?

These days, from grade school locker rooms to professional pornography shoots, people look at and talk about penis size. Now it’s a huge part of sex culture. People with penises silently judge themselves based on their “size”. It’s not their defining trait, but it’s certainly on the mind.

Sure, if you’ve got an average-sized package, you’re always looking for a bit of an edge. Maybe in the right lighting, whoever’s looking at your waist region will look fantastic after a nice night out. Additionally, a few compliments from partners or casual hookups on your size are enough to never make you worry about it again.

There are, though, people who struggle over their penis size. They worry about what impression it makes and how it affects sexual performance. There’s so much emphasis on large penises these days, that it’s easy to get trapped into self-consciousness if you feel like you’re smaller than average.

The good news is that you can help enhance your penis naturally by taking a few steps. It’s not going to take you from four inches to twelve, but natural male enhancement works. What’s best? It will make you feel better about yourself and more confident in dealing with intimate situations.

 

Stop Smoking

This is not a joke. Smoking can shrink your penis size. Unfortunately, sometimes smokers suffer from permanent penis shrinkage that cannot always be reversed.

It’s a small minority of smokers, yet any chance is reason enough not to do so. Especially when you think about all the other reasons not to smoke cigarettes.

When you smoke, it affects blood vessels in the body, including the penis. 

When the blood flow is impaired, it prevents the penis from stretching and filling with blood during an erection. 

Not only could you suffer a frustrating episode right before sex, but it also affects your ability to maintain an erection. That’s bad news for you and could be bad news for whoever you’re having sexual interactions with. 

After you’ve stopped smoking, not only will you notice a difference in your size and the ability to get and maintain an erection; you’ll feel better overall! It may be a worthwhile goal for any of you still smoking!

 

Try to Lose Some Weight

If you’re overweight, excess fat may restrict blood flow inside blood vessels as well. Of course, consult your doctor whenever you attempt to lose weight. Some people don’t have the weight to lose!

There are ways you should go about losing weight that make it healthy, so find what works for your overall lifestyle.

Losing weight can be great for your overall health if you are on the heavier side, and it can bring some positive news for your penis!

Proportions matter, right? 

When you have excess weight above the waist, it can make your penis look small in comparison. Certainly, even a large penis can look small on a large person. 

When you lose weight, some of the fat on the pubic bone disappears, leaving more room for your penis to shine. 

Fun Fact - your penis also extends back into your body. Losing excess fat from your waist and pelvis will reveal more of your penis root and allow for greater sensation and deeper penetration during sex.

 

Take Inventory of When You Feel the Firmest and Hardest

Enhancement isn’t just about size all the time. The great thing about penises is that they get bigger when you need them to! Natural enhancement deals also with getting better, harder, and longer erections. 

Hormones feed erections. In bodies with penises, testosterone feeds your ability to get and keep an erection. Higher levels of testosterone mean you become aroused more frequently and easily. 

Lower testosterone equates to lower sex drive, among other negative symptoms. 

Hormone levels change regularly. They shift when you’re in different physical shapes, based on your diet, the time of day, your age, and other factors.

One thing you can do for natural penis enhancement is to understand your body and take stock of what’s going on when you have a great erection. 

Natural Male EnhancementDon’t just say that you get a great erection because you’re about to make love to someone very attractive. Is your erection better in the morning? Is it more firm at night? How are your erections after one drink? After four? What about after you smoke? What about if you don’t sleep well?

Notice the patterns in your erections. When you can zero in on what makes your erection great, then you can get started working on creating those conditions over and over.

 

Try Some Ginseng for Performance Enhancement

Let’s just get this out of the way. Sometimes it’s hard to get or hold an erection. 

People with penises all over the world have dealt with this. It can be embarrassing, especially when you’re eager to impress, and let’s just admit that it’s a fact of life, and normalize this!

Chronic erectile dysfunction may need attention from a physician. Sometimes chronic erectile dysfunction is a sign of something else! 

Sometimes people experience more difficulty getting and staying hard based on age and other factors. 

Ginseng is one thing you can try to overcome erection challenges!

Red ginseng is a traditional Korean herbal remedy that’s long been used overseas to treat several conditions. 

Recently, it’s made its way into the United States because of its ability to help with erectile dysfunction. The science behind red ginseng is still being researched. Our favorite types are Herb Pharm Asian (Panex) Ginseng Tincture or Pure Encapsulations Panex Ginseng. 

However, Ginseng is believed to increase levels of nitric oxide in the blood which can improve blood flow and help you get a better erection faster.

In 2008, the British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology published a review that pointed to red ginseng as improving ED in multiple studies. Since then, more and more people with penises struggling with ED have benefitted from taking ginseng. I have seen it in my practice numerous times!

 

Work with What You’ve Got

You need to recognize that, without surgery, there’s only so much you can do. 

Every natural enhancement can marginally improve your erections and the size of your penis. 

When added up together, however, they can make a massive difference! 

You’ll feel great and your partners will start to take notice.

Love the skin, and penis you are in, and know what you can and cannot do to help!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 


Love Yourself

How to Love Yourself

How to Love Yourself

 

Learning How to Love Yourself Takes Work!

Yes, it comes more naturally for some, and at times, it’s easier to do than when things aren’t going well. 

During hard times, it’s more important than ever to learn how to love yourself. Whether you’re facing trouble at work, with your family, or in romantic relationships, forgetting to love yourself can mean you’ll sacrifice your health and emotional well-being for others’.

By the end of this blog, you will learn what I have taught hundreds of others on how to love yourself. 

What does loving yourself mean? It certainly doesn’t mean that everything’s going great and you’re close to perfection. In fact, it’s the opposite. When you love yourself, you open yourself up to self-compassion. You stop holding yourself up to some imaginary standard that’s impossible to meet.

Self-compassion and love create a space where you can get to know yourself intimately. You can finally let go of real or perceived expectations, find out who you are, and what you need to thrive. When that happens, your newfound confidence will ripple around you and influence your career, your family, and the ones you love.

 

Embracing the Me First Mentality

Strangely, so many of us struggle to put ourselves before others. Maybe it’s because there’s so much cultural pressure to avoid anything that looks selfish, prideful, or self-obsessed.

Treating others well is a great principle, as long as you’re treating yourself well first. Too many of us focus emotion or time and effort on others from a place of weakness. We’re worried someone might not like us, or we are guilted into something we’d rather not do.

Love Yourself 

We’ve all felt that feeling of being manipulated emotionally. It’s never fun and ultimately leads to disappointment. We spend too much time stuck in disappointing relationships or doing favors for others when we don’t want to because we don’t love ourselves enough.

Deep down, we all know we should be spending more time on what makes us happy. Time spent focused on personal development positively impacts everyone we’re around. When we grow as individuals, we’re less reliant on external sources of affirmation. Then, acts of kindness, love, and service are sincere and not done out of hopes for a desired reaction.

 

I Instead of We

When you love yourself, you’re also more capable of navigating difficult times in relationships. Instead of avoiding blame at all costs and shying away from feedback, you seek it out. You’re more inclined to take ownership of your actions.

This has a tremendous effect on interpersonal relationships, especially romantic relationships. It’s easy to play the blame game in a budding romance or with a spouse or partner. Most often this takes the form of disguised criticism or negativity towards a partner with the cover of “we”.

“We need to work out more. We need to drink less. Maybe we should spend less money.” In any romantic relationship, these may be valid points. However, using “we” here is a form of passive-aggressive critique that doesn’t bode well for a healthy intimate relationship.

If you love yourself, you should be able to own statements and offer advice and feedback openly and honestly. “I think you should drink less.”, is a more direct, but honest way of communicating how you feel. You know what you need to be happy and you feel confident telling who you love how to make things work. Loving yourself also means being ok if things don’t work.

 

Staying Connected Through All the Mess

Loving yourself is so important because the hard times will come eventually. When they arrive, it gets harder and harder to suppress your ego for the good of your relationship. So many couples end prematurely because ego got in the way.

When you love yourself, who you are is defined less by how others treat you. You’re not popular because you get a million likes or comments. Your foundation is solid, so you can see that flash of anger, lack of patience, or uncertainty from your partner less as an attack on you, but as an opening for you to offer more love and affirmation.

 

Communicating Intimacy

Love Yourself

Nowhere is self-love more important than in creating and sustaining intimacy. There’s a quote from the famous poet Oscar Wilde that says, “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” We spend so much time thinking about and pursuing sex, it’s possible to get lost in the power dynamics and find ourselves in a bad emotional place.

When you love yourself, intimacy comes more naturally. Sex is less complicated because we’re confident expressing ourselves and giving earnestly with clear motivations. You aren’t motivated by guilt, and you’re less likely to do something you’ll regret later. Loving yourself allows you to give honest physical and emotional love. That’s great news because it helps make sure choices about sex between partners is more consensual and will lead to greater sexual satisfaction.

 

The Gift of Choice

When confronted with adversity, loving yourself provides the gift of choice. You view challenges and opportunities through a lens of what will be the most helpful or beneficial rather than worrying about what others will think.

As you develop more self-compassion and establish a love for yourself, be aware, though, that other people are in different stages of development. They may not be ready to handle your decisions well. It may evoke negative emotional reactions.

In these instances, it can be helpful to work through decisions with a therapist. Their experience can help you gauge how your partner may react to an explanation or decision you’ve made. They can also help you recognize any factors you may be missing. It’s a great help when making impactful decisions about things like marriage, moving in together, splitting up, having kids, or overcoming serious disputes.

Talking with a therapist can also help you unpack whatever’s stopping you from establishing self-love. It may be that something in your past, whether it’s a trauma or bad habits that build up over time, an expert can help you get to the root of insecurities or whatever else is in the way.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Gender Stereotypes in Toys

Gender Stereotypes in Toys

Gender stereotypes in toys are recurring questions from parents! Parenting is complicated. Gender stereotyping in toys was normal in the past but times have changed!

 

Trying to parent children in an environment that allows for a child to explore their gender expression is complicated. 

GenXers and Millennials are the next generation of parents, and we are seeing them address gender and sexuality in new ways.

Young children and parents are bombarded with gender-specific clothing, toys, diapers, and everything in between.

Now parents are backlashing against the norms of our society around gender and sexuality. 

Many parents are trying to allow self-directed exploration around their children’s gender and sexuality. 

Gender stereotypes in toys

A recent article from CNN addresses that parents are now pushing back on the gendered toys created by the previous generations (December 2019). 

Toys and media representations are starting to show non-binary models, figurines, and playthings that are not the “stereotypical” in terms of form and color. 

The article addresses how gendered toys and marketing took off in the 1940’s and remained mainstream until recently, when parents began to pushback on these gendered ideals. 

These toys and “gender neutral” dolls are showing to be more representative of what adolescents and adults look like NOW! 

These new toys have various hairstyles, body shapes, abilities (some are in wheelchairs), different races, and a variety of clothing options regardless of the gender of the toy.  

As a parent, I want to support my child in exploring their gender identity and expression. 

I love that toys that are now more representative of many individuals and expressions of life, size, ability, and fashion. 

I think it is lovely that we are moving in a direction that focuses on building people’s individuality. Parents realize it is wrong to force anyone into a mold that they may not connect with.

Children who enjoy the more stereotypical gender expressions are not wrong. They can have their choice too!

It is a blessing that the new toys, clothes, and media representations will allow opportunities for all to figure out where they fit in. 

If children like pink, regardless of their gender, they ought to be allowed to play with toys that are pink.

Let’s stop “shoulding” on the next generation of children, parents, and extended families! Let everyone express themselves as they want. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Shave your pubic hair

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair

To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair  

Think twice before you laser or shave your pubic hair! 

If you have been wondering whether or not to shave your pubic hair entirely, trim it closely, or let it grow bushy, we are happy to tell you the trend is to do whatever makes you happy.

If you grew up before the late nineties, you may have gotten your first glimpse of a stranger’s naked body in an adult magazine. Remember, this was before the internet and the explosion of online porn. People sometimes had to learn the birds and the bees from printed publications or VHS tapes.

Back in the old days, the centerfolds laid out on the pages had a healthy bush. It was almost as if no one had ever heard of shaving pubic hair. Large tufts of pubic hair on all genders were in full effect.

For the past two decades, however, shaving has been in.

 

Smooth Sexy Parts

Many years ago, Brazilian wax salons started popping up all over the country. At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vaginas, balls, and other body parts. Waxing scenes removing underarm hair, chest hair, and pubic hair played in movies and jokes between friends.

The no pubic hair trend caught fire and stuck. All you have to do is take a look at some popular porn sites to take sampling. Most of the videos feature people of all genders with no pubic hair.

So why did pubic hair removal become so popular? A lot of people prefer it, because they feel like it’s a cleaner look. You’re not worried about pubes poking out of a swimsuit or falling all over the bathroom floor. Others like how it gives a better view of what you’re working with down there.

Celebrity voices added to the popularity of the no-bush trend. Some have spoken out about their personal preference for laser hair removal and waxing. Even for celebrities who’ve remained silent, all you have to do is take a look at their social media posts in tight swimsuits to see they’re pubic hair-free.

 

Don’t Look Now, But Bush is Back!

Even though pubic hair removal is still extremely popular, having pubic hair is becoming less of a taboo. Before, if you had pubic hair, you’d probably get some heat for being lazy or sloppy. Now, however, it’s becoming a sort of personal statement.

We’ve all heard that fashion trends repeat. Could it be the same for pubic hair? Well, in the past few years, pubic hair is making somewhat of a comeback.

Shave your pubic hair
Pubic Hair (Photo Credits: Needpix)

As is usually the case, a trend starts when a small group of people decide they want to go against the crowd. They decide they don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. They want to stand out.

Eventually, people take notice and want to hop on the early beginnings of a trend. More and more people do it until whatever was popular in the beginning is hard to find at all. Then the cycle repeats.

The same is happening with shaving and other ways of pubic hair removal. The bush is creeping back into the mainstream. You can find it online in pornographic videos, pictures, and even in Hollywood productions.

 

Here are some of the most common NEGATIVE examples of why people shave:

  • They feel disgusted to kiss their partners after going down on them. 
  • Sometimes, partners refuse cunnilingus or intercourse with menstruating women or women with pubic hair. 
  • Joking about vulvas and vaginas smelling “like fish” or ejaculation is “gross” and “repulsive.”
  • Partners shave off their body hair because they state it smells bad and holds the sweat.

 

Tips for when you shave your pubic hair: 

Make sure you use an organic balm on the gentle skin of the pubic region. If you want to shave your pubic hair, just know that there will be some itching as it grows back. 

Test for allergies! I was using organic products for years, and then found out I was still allergic to some of the products themselves, not just the pesticides of the pharmacy brand version).

If you love that bare look of no hair, enjoy a fun slip and slide with a hairless partner! I know some people who actually tweeze or thread their pubic hair to get the smoothest sensation imaginable. Yes, this takes hours to do if you are tweezing.  

These are long-standing beliefs that keep our pleasure repressed, and keep us self-conscious instead. Find a happy medium for YOURSELF!

If you want bush, go for it. If you want to shave, go for it.

Or find a happy medium!

 

Keeping It Trim

An alternative for pleasure-enhancement is trimming! 

At my Betty Dodson BodySex weekend, one of the women came in Day 1 donning a beautiful bush and the next day, she trimmed and was equally joyful and orgasmic Day 2!

We haven’t made a full return to the glory days when huge bush was in style...

Now when pubic hair makes an appearance [in pornography], it’s often neatly trimmed. 

Closely-cropped pubic hair is easier to manage – there are fewer painful waxing or lasering sessions – and many individuals find this trimmed, “natural-state” highly desirable. 

 

Grooming Tips

Thankfully, personal grooming is easier than ever. There are widely available grooming shavers that are adjustable to match whatever length or shape you’re looking for. 

If you are thinking about letting your pubic hair make a comeback, start slowly. Buy a grooming tool that you can use to keep things trim and take it from there.

Shave your pubic hair
[Photo: Getty]

You still have a lot of choices in pubic grooming! 

There’s waxing, shaving, threading, laser hair removal, chemicals that remove hair and other forms of trimming. 

It’s not an “all or nothing” proposition when it comes to pubic hair.

 

Check out some LCAT Fan Favorites:

  • The best razor for a close shave without nicks
  • Shaving cream choice, especially for those with sensitive skin
  • Baby trimmer for those who have never done it
  • Body trimmer reported to prevent cutting
  • Multigroom series

If you are going to get a brazalian or an anal wax, make sure that the person you are going to has hygenic facilities and that they are experienced. This is not a place you want any infections. 

 

Body Positivity and Personal Preference

One of the best things about recent trends in pubic hair is the underlying support for personal preference when it comes to your body. We still have some ways to go, but the return of pubic hair and the debate over whether bald is better is becoming less about what’s “hot” and more about doing whatever you want concerning your body.

That sense of body sensitivity has sexual maturity, acceptance from sexual partners and even helped push choice feminism. 

With the reemergence of bushier pubic hair, women should feel less confined to a certain body image or personal grooming standards. 

Everyone has better sex when we feel good about our bodies.

More and more people, including people with large public followings, are proudly announcing their preference for the natural look. 

That may seem a bit trite, but it goes a long way to breaking down barriers. Sometimes, when public figures open the door to how many people feel, it’s easier for them to take the leap and make changes.

The trend, for now, remains overwhelmingly in favor of total hair removal or very limited pubic hair. However, the stigma of bushy or trimmed pubic hair on all genders is slowly fading away. That’s good news for everyone.

Some people do what their partner prefers. I would consider that choosing what makes you feel the most confident about your body is what matters. 

 

Can You Go Back if You’ve Done Laser Hair Removal?

What about people who chose laser hair removal to permanently remove their pubic hair? 

A few years ago, they were so sure they’d never want pubic hair again. 

The trend is changing, though, and so are some people’s minds.

With laser hair removal, your pubic hair may not be completely gone forever, and it’s likely that hair that grows back will be lighter, thinner, and that there will be fewer of them.

Believe it or not, in recent years, some medical facilities have started performing hair transplants on people - for those balding, those who want a fuller bush, or those who regret past laser hair removal. 

The procedures are expensive and are by no means mainstream, yet if the trend towards pubic hair continues, expect there to be more developments here.

Still, even with the potential for hair removal reversal, permanent laser removal should be something you consider at length. 

Focus instead on feeling good about your body and taking small steps to find out what works best for you.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Relationship Goals

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

Eight Relationship Goals for the New Year

 

Are you ready to start making your New Year’s Relationship Goals? Yes, it’s that time of year when we all start thinking about resolutions. 

Don’t let the Debbie Downers in your life make you think resolutions are lame. What’s not to love about a little self reflection and a bit of planning… especially in the name of romance!

Another variation of having a new year's resolutions is to say you have GOALS. Although the end of each year is a convenient time to think about the year that’s gone by, it is important to examine quarterly what you’d like to accomplish moving forward.

If you’re not in the habit of setting goals, give it a try. 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and aspirations. They tend to come true! 

Not just by luck, the act of verbalizing and documenting relationship goals commits us subconsciously. We speak our vision into being.

 

Relationship Goals

We’re not here today to talk about getting in the gym more often or getting that raise at work. Those are great, and if it’s something you want to shoot for, go for it. Today, we are here to talk about relationships.

We spend so much time focusing on falling in love and finding the right person, but we don’t focus enough on what it takes to stay in love or even fall deeper into love. Yes, there are levels to emotional connection in relationships that take effort but are so, so worth it.

Whether you and your partner are stuck in a rut and need to ignite your sex life, or you’re looking to take things in your relationship to the next level, here are 8 relationship resolutions to consider heading into 2020.

 

  1. Work on Yourself

 

We all catch ourselves wishing our partner would lose a little weight, spend less time on their phone, or quit smoking. It’s easy to project our wishes on other people. New Year’s isn’t the time for projecting our wishes on other people, it’s time to focus on ourselves.

It’s fine if you want to commit yourself to certain standards. Saying you resolve to not date anyone who smokes is much different than a resolution to help your current partner quit. The sooner you realize you can’t change other people, the better. Emphasize self-improvement and get a better perspective on what you can control.

 

  1. Dedicate Time to Each Other

    Relationship Goals

We get it. It’s easy to get in a zone where you take each other for granted. Life throws so much at us that it can be easy to forget why we’re together sometimes. The only way to beat back the complacency that creeps into relationships is by spending time with your partner to remember what it is you love about them.

And guess what? You’ll probably be surprised when you do. People change. The person you’re with now is different than the person you first fell in love with one, five, or fifteen years ago. Spending time alone together is a process of continual learning where you connect with your partner and discover new parts of them you didn’t know before.

 

  1. Make Sex a Priority!

In 2020, sex should be on your mind! Physical intimacy is a huge component of a relationship’s well-being. If sex has become a bit drab, make it a New Year’s relationship resolution to spice things up between the sheets.

Check out my video on “How to Seduce Your Spouse” 

Buy some sex toys, lingerie, or whatever else will get you or your partner in the mood. Try out a bit of role-playing, light BDSM, or some other way to change things up so it’s not the same old every time.

 

  1. Support Your Partner

Remember that time your partner said they wanted to quit their job to pursue art? Or that one year they said they wanted to take up cooking lessons? Resist the urge to be negative or critical when your partner wants to try something new. After all, they’re probably thinking about 2020 resolutions too.

Instead of resisting or poking fun, resolve this year to lend support to your partner with whatever they want to pursue. When your partner feels more fulfilled, you’ll be happier too.

 

  1. Get Your Finances in Order

If you’re married or in a long-term committed relationship, odds are you’ve fought over money in the past. Financial stress is one of the main challenges to relationships.

Relationship Goals

When the finances are a mess, it has a direct impact on how happy the two of you are.

Resolve in the new year to pay down debt, save a bit more, and spend on activities that will benefit your relationship. When you don’t have to spend so much time worrying about the bills, you have more mental space to give to the person you love.

 

  1. Give Therapy a Try

If you haven’t tried couple’s counseling yet, make 2020 the year you finally give it a shot. Couple’s counseling isn’t only for people struggling in a relationship. Even if things are great, you can benefit from seeing a licensed therapist.

Counseling is a great way to arm yourselves with communication tools for when any challenges arise. Counselors  also help you practice empathy and see things from your partner’s perspective.

Text therapy is a secure and convenient way to get frequent and intensive coaching from any location. 

 

  1. Implement a No-Phone Zone

Have you ever tried to bring up something serious with your partner, only to have them staring down at their phone? It’s deflating and chances are you’re not innocent either. More and more families and couples are instituting a no-phone zone to help people pay more attention to each other.

In a February 2019 article, Sehar Shoukat wrote that, “Excessive use of smartphone paired with negative attitude and feeling of anxiety and dependency on gadgets may increase the risk of anxiety and depression…”. The more we can push away from our phones, we can interact with people we love and improve our overall moods. 

Set a part of the house as a no-phone zone, or tell yourself that after a certain time, there’s no more phone or screens allowed. Instead of scrolling through social media, you’ll have more time to listen to your partner and engage one on one.

 

  1. Set a Goal Together

Relationships, like life, are about growth and progress. No matter who we are, we all feel stunted if we’re stalled in life. We need hobbies, work, or some other project to give us meaning.

Set a goal with your partner that’s something you are both interested in. Be careful, because you need to make sure the goal is something you both want to do. The goal cannot just be something one of you wants to do, and the other tags along. When you do something together you’ll build more common interests. Down the road those interests will be the thread that holds the two of you together.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Sexy Couples

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

Why Are Sexy Couples So Damn Hot?

 

Have you ever come across sexy couples and realize that you’re drawn to them for some strange reason? Perhaps you’ve seen them interacting across a restaurant or chatted with them at a dinner party.

Sometimes, we’re attracted to couples we’re more intimate with. It could be close friends we’ve known for a long time. Secretly, we envy something about their relationship.

When we see sexy couples, we admire the way they touch each other, laugh together, or just the way they look at each other. There’s something about them or their relationship that feels deeply desirable.

Usually, we’re too shy to tell them how we feel. Inside, we hunger for something similar. The couples become a mini obsession we grow to desire.

At times, the couples we find sexy aren’t people we’re traditionally attracted to. They don’t match the physical or personality attributes we'd list to friends.

 

Outside Attraction is Natural Even Among Committed Couples\

It’s ok to admit it, we all fantasize about people from time to time. It’s unrealistic to think that your current partner is the only one you'll ever find sexy. That doesn’t mean we’re going to be unfaithful.

Once we realize the sexual desire for others is normal, it can even add a lot more fun into our committed relationships!

Supportive partners help each other fulfill fantasy within boundaries. Add a little adventure into your sex life by introducing a bit of roleplaying. 

If you know your partner is feeling a certain kind of way about someone, try to play that up. Take on some of their personality traits or dress the way they do to make sex more interesting.

Hopefully, you nor your partner is overly protective. It's great when both of you are willing to talk about attraction or desire for other people. 

Let loose, and let sexy couples improve your own love life with a little fantasy. 

Try to embody aspects of their relationship that draw you in. Fantasy is an important part of the intoxication with sexy couples! 

 

Sexual Desire is Fluid

Sexy Couples

Many people experience changes in sexual desire. As we grow into our sexuality, we realize attraction and desire are fluid. They don't always stay the same.

It’s a hard phenomenon to understand, but sometimes we are drawn to a person or sexy couples for reasons we can’t explain.

Most people, if they’re honest, can pinpoint times in their lives when they were attracted to someone who was not their “type.” People attracted to the other sex can feel the desire for same-sex individuals at times. 

Sometimes, it’s difficult to reconcile our feelings with our understanding of who we are as individuals. What does it mean, as a female, you find yourself attracted to both partners in a sexy couple you come across? It can be confusing when our sexual desires change. 

 

Labels are Helpful but Not Always Necessary

Over the years, labels have helped marginalized people or misunderstood claim space in society. 

The emphasis on labels, though, has led a lot of people to feel the need that everything must be labeled so that it’s understood. 

We often feel a need to declare what something is so we know how to approach and process our feelings.

Don’t be so quick to label yourself over your feelings of attraction and desire. We shouldn’t put pressure on ourselves to define every feeling or desire. Labels are good as long as they don’t put you in a box that you don’t want to be in.

If you are struggling, on the other hand, with defining your feelings of attraction and desire, the Kinsey Scale can help. For decades, the Kinsey Scale has helped people realize that sexual feelings change over time and aren’t always constant.

 

The Kinsey Scale

Dr. Alfred Kinsey led a team of researchers in interviewing thousands of people about their sexual attractions. It gauged over time how attractions and desires changed. The study found that sexual orientation shifts. Sometimes people declared themselves strictly attracted to the other sex, while at other times expressing a greater openness to homosexual feelings.

The Kinsey Scale[1] was created to help people understand the fluidity in sexual attraction better. It rates sexual attraction from 0-6, with 0 being exclusively heterosexual (other sex) and 6 being exclusively homosexual (same sex).

Sexy CouplesThe study was completed decades ago, but it's had a huge impact. Books on the subject have sold millions of copies in a multitude of languages. Many of the conversations we have about sexual attraction today have roots in the Kinsey Scale.

 

We Can’t Explain Attraction

It’s not always possible to explain how we feel. Certain people, places, and conditions trigger a variety of emotions in people. You can find a couple or another individual extremely sexy at a certain point in your life, but then laugh about how you felt ten years later. Things change.

It’s important to embrace our feelings of attraction and try to understand what they mean about our sexuality. Fighting against feelings can lead to unnecessary internal struggles that could trigger depression or anxiety. Don't force a definition on yourself. Embrace your feelings of attraction. The best thing you can do is remain open and enjoy the ride.

 

 

Don’t Be Afraid to Explore What Drives Your Attraction

Is a man in a relationship with a woman who is attracted to another man bisexual? Can there be an attraction between a gay man and a woman? When we understand there are no hard rules for sexuality and who we desire, then we can free ourselves.

Becoming more open sexually can be a wonderfully personal journey for people who want to learn more about themselves and explore where sexual desire comes from.

Knowing this opens us up to deeper connections. whether they be with committed partners, new relationships, or strangers we interact with.

So, the next time you find yourself staring or daydreaming about that sexy couple you’ve come across, don’t be afraid to dive a little deeper into your psyche about where those feelings come from and what that means about you.

Of course, a qualified sex therapist can help guide you through sexual discovery. If you feel like you need someone to talk to, find a sex coach who has experience dealing with changes in sexual desire.

 You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


My Fertility Journey

My Fertility Journey - Do Not Downplay the Impacts of Those Struggling With Infertility! 

 

Fertility. Ugh.  It really is one of my least favorite “F” words.

Fertility (or infertility, as many say) is a complex concept that is generally misunderstood by anyone who has not undergone it themselves. 

The assumptions and statements made to those undergoing treatment by those who have not experienced it is at best minimally supportive to, at worst, completely harmful. 

It is only in the last year, that I have watched this topic be addressed in mainstream society from Michelle Obama discussing that she conceived both her children through IVF to the Today Show’s Dylan Dryer sharing her story around fertility. It is basically 2020. 

Fertility struggles can have major impacts on individuals and relationships. 

Fertility

I, personally, have struggled with fertility and the impacts on my life were far greater than what I was prepared for.

I began my fertility journey in 2015, and my daughter was born in 2019. Over three years later. Overall, I was blessed with the support I received, as the nurse connected me with the resources for my personal struggles.

My case was unique, as I was half of a same-sex couple; thus, our fertility issues were unique because we could not just “have a baby.” That was just step one of the hurdles. 

Below are some important lessons surrounding fertility for you to get through it!

There is not enough support for those undergoing fertility treatments, and there are not enough resources. 

The impacts of fertility treatment far outweigh what we see or are told. The process for creating life is considered fun, intimate, and sacred for some couples. 

For couple’s undergoing fertility treatment, this is not often the case. 

Imagine trying to conceive IN a hospital room!

Depending on the fertility procedure, sometimes, your partner may not be able to be with you. This can cause a disconnect from the magic of what is happening… the creation of a child. 

 

Fertility ImpactsFertility

 

Pain

The procedures are invasive and, at times, painful. Some parts of the body are incredibly sensitive to the areas where shots are required (abdomen, lower back, arms, thigh, vagina, uterus, and/or cervix). 

Sexual contact or any sort of physical activity can become painful and hard for the person who is undergoing treatment to get pregnant. 

 

Monotonous Sex Life

If you are an other-sex couple (sometimes called a heterosexual couple), sexual activity may become about ovulation and be scheduled on a timeline. 

As couples engage in fertility treatment, sexual intimacy may become non-existent, creating disconnection between the future parents. 

 

Disconnection

If you are a same-sex or a queer couple, sexual intimacy is taken out of creating your child. Thus fertility treatment can cause a disconnection within the romantic relationship.

Also, sometimes children are created by donors and there is no overt sexual connection involved in the creation of your child.  

 

Performance Anxiety

Performance anxiety for partner’s providing sperm, having to provide sperm at a specific time each day during a certain window of time is anxiety provoking and creates extreme pressure on that partner.

 

Hormonal Shifts

Throughout any type of assisted fertility treatment hormones are used. These hormonal shifts can have massive impacts on the body (water retention, weight changes, pain, lubrication, skin issues, bloating, insomnia, decreased sex drive, excessive hair growth, etc) and emotions (low self-esteem, shame, menopause symptoms, drastic mood shifts, depression, anxiety, trauma symptoms, grief, loneliness).

 

Relationship

As you can imagine, all of these things stated above can result in issues in the relationship such as increased conflict, difficulty empathizing, increased difficulty 

Fertility

communicating, disconnection, and decreased sexual and physical intimacy. 

 

Loss

People are often not prepared for the loss that often occurs during fertility treatment (loss of pregnancy, loss of fertility, and the loss of biological pro-creation). 

 

*THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE ALL IMPACTS OR EVEN IDENTIFY THE FULL SCOPE OF IMPACTS OF FERTILITY. 

 

  • Fertility vs. Infertility
  • Educate
  • Couple/Partner Work
  • Name your Fear and Shame
  • Identify What You Need

So, Basically... Get Therapy

 

Moral of the story, do not downplay the impact, identify your emotions, your needs, and SEEK support! However you embark on this journey, please be sure to access supports, community, and connection. Creating a family is emotional without fertility, add fertility and it can truly be a very complex circumstance that can make you forget what your doing it for. 

If you need help, feel free to come to LCAT, we are here to help you and your loved ones through this process! This could look like couples therapy or individual therapy. Our focus in treatment would be helping guide you emotionally through the process, providing psychoeducation, communication skills, expressing your needs, engaging in self care, engaging in relationship care, and creating connections. We want to help combat shame and fear and build connections as you grow your family!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do or Make an Appointment.