What Does Cisgender Mean?
What Does Cisgender Mean?
If you are on the mobile app dating scene, you have likely come across the term “cisgender.”
Whether it is cisgender, straight male or cisgender queer woman, there seem to be endless labels to self-identify.
Let’s go through the basics of gender identity vs sex vs sexuality to gain a deeper understanding of the term cisgender.
Mirriam Webster’s Definition of “Cisgender”:
“Of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.”
This means that if a baby is born, and the doctor assigns them as “male” based on them having a penis or “female” based on them having a vagina, and the person identifies with how they were assigned at birth, they are cisgender, or cis for short.
What is Gender?
To better understand and contextualize the term “cisgender,” let’s look at what gender even is.
Gender is a social construct around the “rules” of what is considered masculine and feminine. It is how you identify on the spectrum of these characteristics and is more about how you feel internally than what genitals you have.
There are dozens, if not hundreds, of different gender identities, though in the mainstream up until recently we only had “male” and “female”, aka the gender binary. Now there are people who even identify as being nonbinary, agender or genderqueer. The definition can vary from person to person, though basically it means they do not identify with either spectrum of the gender binary.
When someone lists their pronouns, this is based on their gender identity, which is the way they feel inside about their identity in the context of society’s ideals of masculine and feminine.
What is Sex?
Sex is a collection of biological markers and attributes that the scientific community has designated to describe a person’s gender in the past, though now it is becoming more common to not let someone’s biological sex determine their gender identity.
The truth is, even sex isn’t black and white. There are genitals, hormones, chromosomes and other characteristics that can vary wildly, and to not acknowledge that sex and gender are separate excludes folks who are born with ambiguous sex characteristics, otherwise known as people who are intersex.
Your sex is how a member of the medical community would likely describe your physical, biological body, and is not indicative of gender expression. There are men with vaginas, women with penises, and everything and anyone in between.
What is Sexuality?
Sexuality is the easiest to understand: it’s about who you do (and don’t) want to have sex with. Someone can be cisgender and gay, because your gender does not dictate your sexuality. Someone can also be transgender and straight, again the two are unrelated.
Sexuality is also said to be on a spectrum, such as the infamous Kinsey Scale. Though it is becoming out of date, it was revolutionary for its time and made the world reconsider the idea of straight and gay, and the wonderful world of sexualities in between, including people who are asexual. They may not want sex at all, or under very specific circumstances!
Cisnormativity
Since we live in a colonial, heteronormative culture, the culture is also largely cisnormative, meaning the “default” has always been to assume people are cisgender. It is important for us to consider in which ways we subconsciously enforce cisnormativity, making the world a less inviting place for folks who are not cis.
Some examples include always using the terms “ladies and gentlemen” when addressing a group, or terms like “guys” or “policeman/woman”. Using gender neutral terms for group situations ensures that you have everyone covered with respect. Try using terms like “folks”, “friends”, or for professions that are gendered there are usually alternatives, such as “server” instead of waiter or waitress, or “police officer” instead of policeman or policewoman.
Learning the differences between sex, sexuality and gender have hopefully helped you understand what it means to identify as cisgender, and be a better ally to our nonbinary, trans and two spirit friends.
If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety
Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety
The 2020 post election anxiety has contributed to an incredibly stressful time for many of us.
As we gear up for the holiday season during COVID, I thought it pertinent to write about ways to communicate about post election anxiety with various individuals around many important topics.
Most of my sessions the last week or two (minimum) have focused predominantly on the election:
- whether that was the stress of the outcome
- human rights concerns
- communication on different perspectives and opinions with those around them
- fear of police brutality
- fear of civil war or violence within communities
- issues surrounding boundaries.
Although I could write a whole post about the election itself and the various observations I have, I imagine that it would be more helpful to hear tricks and tips to navigate this rather than to hear me “rant.”
Check yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Most of all, it is important to remember to check your privilege.
What do I mean by that?
Well, the more privilege you have, the more difficult it may be for you to relate to someone who has a different privilege status (i.e a different set of barriers).
For instance if you are a white, cisgender, middle class, heterosexual woman, you have a different level of privilege compared to someone who is a multiracial, transgender man who lives pay check to pay check.
I share this because for people of various communities, there were significant policy and human rights issues on the line.
So if you are coming from different privilege spaces it's important for you to notice if safety was on the ballot for you this year.
Safety can look like the right to marry, the right to walk on the street, financial security, health care, rights over your body, etc.
There are many examples, and these are just BRIEF examples of what that might look like.
I share this because so many of my clients have shared either struggling to understand some levels of reactivity from certain people in their lives or the lack of understanding and compassion.
One of the main issues I have seen are clients feeling like people are not understanding the level of safety and harm that can be done with specific policies.
So please be aware that recognizing your privilege in conversations is important.
Take a Deep Breath… Slow Down!
In heated conversations it is important to to take a deep breath and I tell many of my clients “slow the F*** down.”
I say this because when we are not breathing, we are literally unable to hear or speak in a way that is effective or productive.
Our body literally starts to go into survival mode which depending on our lived experience can throw us into what I like to call a “trauma tornado” or get you a “ticket on the trauma train” which is my silly way of saying a “trauma spiral.”
Breathing is so important. So just breathe. 
Slow down.
Take a breathe (inhale) for 1….2….3….4.
And hold it for 1….2….3….4.
Then exhale breath for 1….2….3….4.
Then hold for 1….2….3….4.
If you practice this daily, it will help you have more control over your body and breath, and thus, it will allow you to engage in the moment in diaphragmatic breathing.
In my experience (personally and professionally), when we do not do this we lose our ability to remain in the conversation and be within our integrity.
Seek to Understand Rather than Be Understood
This one is a little bit complicated and nuanced as the first one was.
Seek to understand means to ask questions and use curiosity.
If you are in a curious space, you are able to be in a space of learning which puts your brain in a different focus and allows you to try to understand (not agree) with whomever you are speaking with.
When we seek to understand, people can feel less defensive or critical.
When people are in a defensive or critical position we are leaning into an argument style of communication or what will likely be an ineffective conversation.
When we seek to understand, we seek to collaborate with who we are working with, rather than convincing someone.
So often in therapy, I watch people act as if I am the judge and they are in front of me and each other to convince the other that they are right.
When we are focused on being right rather than understanding no one “wins.” And again if we are focused on “being right” or “winning” the argument that is not about connection or compassion that is about disconnection, shame, and/or rejection. Also, if we are focused on winning or only being understood… that is not usually helpful or productive.
Validation. It's a buzz word in our culture and in therapy. And this is a BIG part of seeking to understand rather than be understood. Validation is about hearing the other person NOT AGREEING.
Let’s say that again for those in the back…
Validation is about hearing and understanding someone's perspective. NOT AGREEING.
So validating someone’s perspective is not agreeing with their point of view. At.All. It is about showing the person that you were listening and not just in your head thinking about a response (Guilty! I have done that… not my best strategy!). Validation is reflecting back to someone what they said in order to show that you are listening… or seeking to understand them.
The reason these things are important is because it allows the conversation the best opportunity and chance to not end in an explosion.
If you are still with us and want to learn more, stay tuned for our Friday download about how to communicate when you have post election stress.
If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.
How To Know If You Have Erection Issues
How To Know If You Have Erection Issues
Sex Therapist ANSWERS How to know if you have erection issues! And issues about ejaculation and ejaculate. This will answer your questions.
So, you are here because you want to know how to know if you have erection issues.
You may be asking yourself “How to know if you have erection issues" just like many of our viewers have done! Because How to know if you have erection issues is so specific, I am going to give you the real talk… 6 TIPS … like a cheat sheet to the answer!
In this video I will answer “How to know if you have erection issues” and if you think your marriage is not surviving and you need more intimacy, I am giving you my “Pleasure Practice E Guide”
How to know if you have erection issues… answered by a certified sex therapist!
Concerned about your ejaculation?
So are MANY of my clients!
Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist, shares her tips to success! Watch now!
Watch now:
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"Solutions for Erection and Ejaculation Issues"
Webinar on Sunday, August 23rd at 7 PM EST
Sign up for the Webinar
_____________________________________________________________________
- Is your anxiety getting in the way of your sex?
- Are you performing at optimum levels?
- Are you struggling with getting physically aroused with your long-term partner?
- If porn seems to be the only thing that turns you on, it is time to update your performance and pleasure techniques so your mind can control your body.
Through systemic, Tantra sex therapy techniques, you will learn new ways to connect with your partner.
This Webinar will help you:
- Provide psychoeducation to assess if you or your partner has erectile dysfunction.
- Understand the systemic shame in the inability to obtain and maintain erections.
- Obtain specific suggestions to solve the emotional distress or embarrassment of ejaculating before desired.
Bonus for signing up, you will receive:
- 1 FREE email question to Amanda
- Recording of live program
- Document on Parts Theory - Amanda's life hack for fantasy in long-term romantic relationships
Sign up for the Webinar
Hurry, reserve your spot today!
Webinar is 60 minutes with Q&A
Cost: $49
Must be 18 or older
A webinar recording will be provided
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.
How To Know If You Have Erection Issues: A Checklist!
How To Know If You Have Erection Issues: A Checklist!
If you’re feeling uncertain or embarrassed about erectile dysfunction, this checklist will tell you how to know if you have erection issues.
After all, sometimes it is just an off night, and sometimes it just isn’t happening- no matter how turned on you are, no matter how sexy the situation.
It can be frustrating and shameful, and I want you to realize it is actually quite common.
Some research says that 15 to 30 million people with penises have erection issues in some form at any given time.
The causes can be physiological or psychological, and many causes of erectile dysfunction can be treated with mindset rephrames, lifestyle changes, and even medication changes.
The recurrence of erectile dysfunction also increases with age, though people of any age can have it.
The main thing to remember is that you have no need to be embarrassed, and there is no need to give up on an amazing, fulfilling sex life if you struggle with erection issues!
Who Can Help You With Erection Issues
If you’re wondering how to know if you have erection issues, you may want to chat with your medical doctor.
As erection issues can be a symptom of more serious conditions, it is worth ruling out potential health risks.
If the doctor clears you medically, your erection issues may be the result of a past psychological trauma or current pattern of behaviors.
At that time, the help of a clinical sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, or someone who specializes in systemic therapy may be helpful.
Symptoms of Erection Issues
Some of the basic symptoms of erection issues or erectile dysfunction include:
- Frequent and persistent trouble getting an erection
- Frequent and persistent trouble keeping an erection
- Low libido
None of these are particularly fun, though it is important to keep track of your erection issues and ask yourself: is this something that happens almost every time I try to have sex, or is it just a blip?
- Do you get hard easily while masturbating? Your issues may be intimacy or psychologically based.
- Do you struggle to get hard most of the time, even when sexually aroused/horny? You may have physical health problems that need investigating!
As with most things, self-diagnosis can only go so far, so use this checklist to get started on the frequency and context of your erection issues. This will help you discuss in detail with a professional.
Health Concerns That Are Related to Erection Issues
The penis is a vascular organ and requires uninhibited blood flow to create and maintain an erection.
It makes sense that any health condition that affects how your blood flows or affects your nerves/neurons will impact your erections!
In fact, many cardiologists refer to erectile dysfunction as the “canary in the coal mine” as a warning symptom of heart issues.
Our bodies are a holistic system of organs, blood vessels, muscles, nerves and tissues, and health problems rarely affect only one area of the body!
The mind and body are also intrinsically connected, and any problems you may be having psychologically can affect your erections in unexpected ways.
Some medical issues that can cause chronic or temporary erection issues include:
- Heart Disease
- Atherosclerosis (clogged blood vessels)
- High Blood Pressure
- Obesity or weight gain
- Diabetes or Parkinsons
- Multiple Sclerosis or autoimmune issues
- Estrogen
- Tobacco use
- Alcoholism & substance abuse
- Medications (including yet not limited to prostate cancer/enlarged prostate, antihistamines, cancer treatment, or blood pressure).
- Penis injury
- Hormone issues such as low testosterone or high cortisol
Some examples of psychological problems that may cause erectile dysfunction include:
- Mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD
- Stress or disconnection
- Chronic exhaustion
- Comparing partnered sex to solo sex (or masturbation)
- Using pornography as sex education
- Grief or sudden life changes
- Relationship stresses
- Unrealistic relationship expectations
What Can You Do About Erection Issues?
Seek help:
The most important first step in addressing erection issues is to give yourself a pat on the back for seeking help. You deserve an awesome sex life, and erection issues are not a sign of weakness or make you any less “manly” (if that is how you identify). It can be frustrating, and know that health professionals see this DAILY! Really… ALL. THE. TIME! So don’t be embarrassed! Get help from your family doctor, urologist or therapist to not only treat the issue with possible medications, but the root of the issue in your mind.
Confide in your partner(s):
If you have a close, personal relationship with a supportive partner, it can be a relief to share your frustrations and fears. This can be especially helpful if they feel they may be at fault.
If attraction is not the issue for you, reassure them that you find them attractive and sexy. If you suspect your erection issues stem from something psychological or traumatic, perhaps explore sharing those thoughts and feelings with your partner in a safe, guided environment such as with a sex therapist.
Adjust your lifestyle:
your doctor may advise you to adjust your lifestyle. If you’ve gained a lot of new weight around the midsection, your heart may be working harder to circulate blood and you could be at the mercy of hormonal imbalance.
Going for regular walks, reducing your intake of saturated fats and doing things that relieve stress (laughing, relaxing, reading, edging) can help with circulation, stress and blood pressure. Remember, you are beautiful at any size, and you don’t necessarily need to lose weight to improve your health! Just get that blood pumping and that blood pressure down!
Find support:
Instead of endlessly searching the internet for terrifying diagnosis, find chat rooms and online threads and support groups for those dealing with erection issues.
It is important to know you aren’t alone, and you may find great references and advice from others.
We are doing a webinar on this exact topic, so you can also find quality information!
Erection issues and impotence in general are stigmatized, and there is no reason this should continue.
There are so many variables at play with our wonderful, dynamic bodies, and as a generally ableist society, it is widely accepted that penises need to be hard to have amazing sex lives.
This simply isn’t true, so if you struggle with erection issues that don’t seem to go away, know that you can have a satisfying sex life. Find out more from our webinar or schedule a session.
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.
Male Sex Toys
Male Sex Toys
It’s a common mistake that people with penises often make - they think toys are for other people and that there aren’t male sex toys. If they’re going to use a toy, it’s going to be used on someone they’re having sex with.
This approach is obviously very narrowminded because there are some great male sex toys out there.
Yes, that’s what they’re still called in stores and online.
Here, we know this means that these toys are designed for use on bodies with penises.
I love working with clients who are in the beginning stages of sex play with toys. It’s opening up a new, fun, erotic sexual layer they haven’t yet discovered or spent time with. Toys bring out some kink, and that’s always a great idea!
Granted, male sex toys don’t get the shine that the rest of the sex toy market does. That can change, though, and more companies are innovating some amazing toys that will elevate your intimacy.
Here are some of the basic and best sex toys out there right now. Some of these are designed to be used solo, some of them together, and some of them are up to you. Sex toys are where creativity pays off.
Penis Rings
Penis rings sometimes referred to as cock rings, are essentially a ring that goes around the base of your penis. The tighter the ring, the more that the blood flow inside your penis is restricted. This often results in longer-lasting erections and more intense orgasms.
Penis rings come in a huge variety. Some of them vibrate, there are all sorts of colors and shapes, and they even come in edible versions. If you’re new to the cock ring game, try out some basic silicone rings. You can usually buy them in a set that comes with a few different shapes and textures. Have some fun and go from there.
Prostate Massager
A prostate massager is just that. It’s placed around the anus or inserted into the anus. The toy has several different settings on it that range in speed and intensity. If you’re an anal sex pro, go all out. If you’re new to this game, take it slow and remember to use lube.
Some prostate massages are inventive. There are some available for sale now that have another section that’s placed and designed to massage your perineum, the sensitive area of skin between your anus and your scrotum.
You can use a prostate massage on yourself as you masturbate and it’s a ton of fun with a partner taking turns and using the remote to control how intense their pleasure is.
The Fleshlight
The fleshlight is undoubtedly the most famous male sex toy out there. The fleshlight is a brand, and it’s so famous that an entire sex toy category, rubber vaginas, is referred to by that term. Another name you’ll often hear is pocket pussies. The fleshlight gets its name because it’s designed to look like a common flashlight. Pop the top off, though, and that’s where the fun begins.
Sex toy manufacturers are pulling out all of the stops with male sex toys. You can design a fleshlight to very specific measurements to simulate a certain level of tightness or even one of your lover’s vaginas.
These toys come in starter packs that include lubrication and other accessories. You insert your penis into the rubber vagina and masturbate with it on.
Anal Plugs
Anal plugs, or butt plugs, can be enjoyed by everyone. Basic plugs are made from metal, silicone, or some other material and are inserted into the anus and left there to offer a constant stream of stimulation.
Many butt plugs include vibrating tips and even remote controls that your partner can use to change vibration speed and tempo.
Water-based Lubricant
Water-based lubricants are typically recommended for use with male sex toys because they do less harm and leave less residue once you’re finished. Silicon-based lubricants that are commonly found on condoms and other materials degrade over time.
There are some excellent water-based lubes on the sex toy market that will facilitate whatever you’re trying to do with your toy without that filmy, slimy feel that some other lubricants leave around whenever you’re done.
Penis Pumps
If you’ve watched pornography, you’ve likely seen web ads touting penis enlargement. Some of them may include some type of pump where, after use, a penis grows exponentially.
While claims about easy penis enhancement should be approached with suspicion, there is some sexual performance value to be gained from using a penis pump.
Penis pumps are a device people use to overcome erectile dysfunction. The pump goes over the penis and air is pumped into a cartridge that drives more blood to the penis. The increased blood makes your penis larger for short amounts of time.
All it takes is a quick pump session before you’re about to have sex. It could help you stay erect and keep your partner satisfied for longer.
Sex Dolls
Ok, so years ago sex dolls were something embarrassing and using dolls was much more underground. Today, there are some very interesting things going on in the sex doll world.
Doll makers are creating incredibly lifelike toys with all body shapes based on customer specifications. You can buy rubber sex dolls, silicone sex dolls, portions of sex dolls with just the butt and a vagina, or one with a full torso as well.
Blow Job Toys
People with a penis who have been masturbating the same way for years should check out some of the new blow job toys for sale.
Modern blow job toys simulate getting a real blow job. The openings are shaped like a mouth and the design is meant to mirror the stimulation of swallowing or penetration.
They come in both reusable and disposable models, and several different mouth shapes. You can purchase electric models that require a plug but make masturbating easier. Some use batteries too.
The important thing with blow job toys is to choose one that fits your penis tightly to increase pleasure and make the feeling more realistic.
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.
What Is Chronic Masturbation?
What Is Chronic Masturbation?
One of the keys to understanding chronic masturbation and why it can be harmful is knowing what it is. You may be wondering; how often do you have to masturbate for it to be classified as “chronic”? However, chronic masturbation isn’t simply masturbating a lot.
Like other behaviors, there’s no way to say a set amount of doing something is harmful because everyone’s different. A person may enjoy masturbating a lot and it doesn’t get in the way of their life.
On the other hand, we label chronic masturbation as something that often causes anxiety and sexual performance issues to the point where it’s difficult or even prevents you from orgasming with a partner.
Some people who struggle with chronic masturbation need, indeed absolutely require outside stimulants like pornography to achieve orgasm.
In short, masturbation becomes something other than a positive sexual expression or stress reliever. It becomes a ritual, to the point sometimes of becoming an addiction, that takes away from other aspects of your sexual and non-sexual life.
Recognizing Chronic Masturbation
Even though chronic masturbation may be difficult to define in terms of quantity or frequency because everyone is different, it’s easy to spot when you see it in yourself or a partner.
The basic baseline is when masturbation is used instead of a sexual connection with your partner.
This isn’t like you’ve had a hard day of work, so you’d prefer to skip sex today and spend some time along with your hand. That’s perfectly normal and something most people feel from time to time.
I’m referring to when you sacrifice meaningful sexual interaction regularly to participate in a masturbatory ritual that leaves you unfulfilled.
Chronic masturbation also occurs when people with penises fail to maintain an erection during sex or people with vaginas can get stimulated by their sexual partners. The person becomes reliant on checking the boxes of their ritual, which usually involves viewing pornography or visualizing certain fantasies to achieve orgasm.
Fixing Chronic Masturbation
The good news is that there is help for people, and I’m referring to all people involved in a relationship with a partner who struggles with chronic masturbation as well. Once identified, a sex therapist can work with clients to adjust behaviors so that masturbation resumes its normal healthy role in people’s lives. A licensed sex therapist can develop techniques that help along the way.
One of the critical factors in fixing chronic masturbation is the desire to change. This isn’t obvious for everyone. Sometimes chronic masturbation becomes so engrained in a person’s life that they can’t envision living without it. Their ritual is part of their daily process. They may feel like their entire life will be out of whack if they stop or do something differently.
When people understand how their habits are affecting the people they love, or the ability to love at all, then they can start on the path to change.
This often requires relearning masturbation.
Relearning Masturbation
How can you relearn to masturbate? By now, most people have it down pat! We’ve been masturbating so long we know what will turn us on and get us to the finish.
A lot of people can tell what kind of orgasm they’re going to have within the first minute of masturbating. It may be a quick session to get some relief. It also could be the type of masturbation where you settle in for a while, giving yourself some much needed alone time.
Changing a habit that’s so second nature can be difficult.
I find that masturbation rest days are effective. When a person is masturbating very frequently, telling them to do it differently can affect results. They sometimes report back that they couldn’t finish or had a hard time staying focused without their old sequence.
Going without for a few days can reset the body and recharge your sexual receptors. Your body will be more responsive to touch and external stimuli.
I like to tell clients to be present when they masturbate. Many times, it helps to sit or lay in front of a mirror where you can see yourself and what you’re doing.
Touch yourself slowly, and purposefully! Celebrate your body and what it gives you. Practice gratitude for your sexuality and the potential to give and receive touch.
If possible, try to get back to the point of being able to orgasm without pornography or any external stimuli. That may require you to abstain for more than one or two days until your body is ready.
Working with Your Partner
Partners play a critical role in changing sexual habits. Now, to be very clear, we are not laying blame or placing responsibility for change on a partner. It is not their fault nor their job to fix someone’s chronic masturbation.
It is, though, important to emphasize that as someone’s partner, you play a part in the overall sexual health of your relationship.
The goal here is to support someone trying to overcome or shift away from chronic masturbation. If you’re the one struggling with chronic masturbation, then you need to try and work to explain how your partner can support you.
That may mean having sex more often. It can also mean trying to up the intensity of your sexual encounters. Incredible, passionate sex is a wonderful motivator. It also brings the two of you together in a connected way that’s undeniable.
Partners should work together to create a healthy sexual dynamic that meets everyone’s needs individually.
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.
Sex Therapist ANSWERS "What is Edging" - Male MASTURBATION Techniques!
Sex Therapist ANSWERS "What is Edging" Male MASTURBATION Techniques!
So you want to know how to get better at male masturbation techniques?
I’m so glad that you are interested in joining the world of pleasure, learning the answer to "what is edging" and getting new male masturbation techniques!
In this video, I’ll teach you how to love your male masturbation, understand porn, answer "what is edging," define factors that affect male masturbation, and teach you how to perfect your male masturbation techniques of edging and beyond, even if they are intimated! In no time, you’ll take my advice to use for your own male masturbation technique!
Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now!
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Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success!
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Natural Male Enhancement
Natural Male Enhancement
When did the obsession over penis size start? I mean, if you take a trip to Rome, you’ll see row after row of statues with a beautiful muscular physique. Draft your eyes a bit lower, though, and you see some pretty small penises. Some say small penises were idealized then. It wasn’t too long ago, so why the shift?
These days, from grade school locker rooms to professional pornography shoots, people look at and talk about penis size. Now it’s a huge part of sex culture. People with penises silently judge themselves based on their “size”. It’s not their defining trait, but it’s certainly on the mind.
Sure, if you’ve got an average-sized package, you’re always looking for a bit of an edge. Maybe in the right lighting, whoever’s looking at your waist region will look fantastic after a nice night out. Additionally, a few compliments from partners or casual hookups on your size are enough to never make you worry about it again.
There are, though, people who struggle over their penis size. They worry about what impression it makes and how it affects sexual performance. There’s so much emphasis on large penises these days, that it’s easy to get trapped into self-consciousness if you feel like you’re smaller than average.
The good news is that you can help enhance your penis naturally by taking a few steps. It’s not going to take you from four inches to twelve, but natural male enhancement works. What’s best? It will make you feel better about yourself and more confident in dealing with intimate situations.
Stop Smoking
This is not a joke. Smoking can shrink your penis size. Unfortunately, sometimes smokers suffer from permanent penis shrinkage that cannot always be reversed.
It’s a small minority of smokers, yet any chance is reason enough not to do so. Especially when you think about all the other reasons not to smoke cigarettes.
When you smoke, it affects blood vessels in the body, including the penis.
When the blood flow is impaired, it prevents the penis from stretching and filling with blood during an erection.
Not only could you suffer a frustrating episode right before sex, but it also affects your ability to maintain an erection. That’s bad news for you and could be bad news for whoever you’re having sexual interactions with.
After you’ve stopped smoking, not only will you notice a difference in your size and the ability to get and maintain an erection; you’ll feel better overall! It may be a worthwhile goal for any of you still smoking!
Try to Lose Some Weight
If you’re overweight, excess fat may restrict blood flow inside blood vessels as well. Of course, consult your doctor whenever you attempt to lose weight. Some people don’t have the weight to lose!
There are ways you should go about losing weight that make it healthy, so find what works for your overall lifestyle.
Losing weight can be great for your overall health if you are on the heavier side, and it can bring some positive news for your penis!
Proportions matter, right?
When you have excess weight above the waist, it can make your penis look small in comparison. Certainly, even a large penis can look small on a large person.
When you lose weight, some of the fat on the pubic bone disappears, leaving more room for your penis to shine.
Fun Fact - your penis also extends back into your body. Losing excess fat from your waist and pelvis will reveal more of your penis root and allow for greater sensation and deeper penetration during sex.
Take Inventory of When You Feel the Firmest and Hardest
Enhancement isn’t just about size all the time. The great thing about penises is that they get bigger when you need them to! Natural male enhancement deals also with getting better, harder, and longer erections.
Hormones feed erections. In bodies with penises, testosterone feeds your ability to get and keep an erection. Higher levels of testosterone mean you become aroused more frequently and easily.
Lower testosterone equates to lower sex drive, among other negative symptoms.
Hormone levels change regularly. They shift when you’re in different physical shapes, based on your diet, the time of day, your age, and other factors.
One thing you can do for natural male enhancement is to understand your body and take stock of what’s going on when you have a great erection.
Don’t just say that you get a great erection because you’re about to make love to someone very attractive.
Is your erection better in the morning? Is it more firm at night? How are your erections after one drink? After four? What about after you smoke? What about if you don’t sleep well?
Notice the patterns in your erections. When you can zero in on what makes your erection great, then you can get started working on creating those conditions over and over.
Try Some Ginseng for Performance Enhancement
Let’s just get this out of the way. Sometimes it’s hard to get or hold an erection. Don't let yourself get too down about it, and see what natural male enhancement can do for you.
People with penises all over the world have dealt with this. It can be embarrassing, especially when you’re eager to impress, and let’s just admit that it’s a fact of life, and normalize this!
Chronic erectile dysfunction may need attention from a physician. Sometimes chronic erectile dysfunction is a sign of something else!
Sometimes people experience more difficulty getting and staying hard based on age and other factors.
Ginseng is one thing you can try to overcome erection challenges!
Red ginseng is a traditional Korean herbal remedy that’s long been used overseas to treat several conditions.
Recently, it’s made its way into the United States because of its ability to help with erectile dysfunction. The science behind red ginseng is still being researched. Our favorite types are Herb Pharm Asian (Panex) Ginseng Tincture or Pure Encapsulations Panex Ginseng.
However, Ginseng is believed to increase levels of nitric oxide in the blood which can improve blood flow and help you get a better erection faster.
In 2008, the British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology published a review that pointed to red ginseng as improving ED in multiple studies. Since then, more and more people with penises struggling with ED have benefitted from taking ginseng. I have seen it in my practice numerous times!
Work with What You’ve Got
You need to recognize that, without surgery, there’s only so much you can do.
Every natural enhancement can marginally improve your erections and the size of your penis.
When added up together, however, they can make a massive difference!
You’ll feel great and your partners will start to take notice.
Love the skin, and penis you are in, and know what you can and cannot do to help!
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.
To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair
To Shave or Not to Shave Your Pubic Hair
Think twice before you laser or shave your pubic hair!
If you have been wondering whether or not to shave your pubic hair entirely, trim it closely, or let it grow bushy, we are happy to tell you the trend is to do whatever makes you happy.
If you grew up before the late nineties, you may have gotten your first glimpse of a stranger’s naked body in an adult magazine. Remember, this was before the internet and the explosion of online porn. People sometimes had to learn the birds and the bees from printed publications or VHS tapes.
Back in the old days, the centerfolds laid out on the pages had a healthy bush. It was almost as if no one had ever heard of shaving pubic hair. Large tufts of pubic hair on all genders were in full effect.
For the past two decades, however, shaving has been in.
Smooth Sexy Parts
Many years ago, Brazilian wax salons started popping up all over the country. At first, we all giggled at the thought of ripping hair off vaginas, balls, and other body parts. Waxing scenes removing underarm hair, chest hair, and pubic hair played in movies and jokes between friends.
The no pubic hair trend caught fire and stuck. All you have to do is take a look at some popular porn sites to take sampling. Most of the videos feature people of all genders with no pubic hair.
So why did pubic hair removal become so popular? A lot of people prefer it, because they feel like it’s a cleaner look. You’re not worried about pubes poking out of a swimsuit or falling all over the bathroom floor. Others like how it gives a better view of what you’re working with down there.
Celebrity voices added to the popularity of the no-bush trend. Some have spoken out about their personal preference for laser hair removal and waxing. Even for celebrities who’ve remained silent, all you have to do is take a look at their social media posts in tight swimsuits to see they’re pubic hair-free.
Don’t Look Now, But Bush is Back!
Even though pubic hair removal is still extremely popular, having pubic hair is becoming less of a taboo. Before, if you had pubic hair, you’d probably get some heat for being lazy or sloppy. Now, however, it’s becoming a sort of personal statement.
We’ve all heard that fashion trends repeat. Could it be the same for pubic hair? Well, in the past few years, pubic hair is making somewhat of a comeback.
As is usually the case, a trend starts when a small group of people decide they want to go against the crowd. They decide they don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. They want to stand out.
Eventually, people take notice and want to hop on the early beginnings of a trend. More and more people do it until whatever was popular in the beginning is hard to find at all. Then the cycle repeats.
The same is happening with shaving and other ways of pubic hair removal. The bush is creeping back into the mainstream. You can find it online in pornographic videos, pictures, and even in Hollywood productions.
Here are some of the most common NEGATIVE examples of why people shave:
- They feel disgusted to kiss their partners after going down on them.
- Sometimes, partners refuse cunnilingus or intercourse with menstruating women or women with pubic hair.
- Joking about vulvas and vaginas smelling “like fish” or ejaculation is “gross” and “repulsive.”
- Partners shave off their body hair because they state it smells bad and holds the sweat.
Tips for when you shave your pubic hair:
Make sure you use an organic balm on the gentle skin of the pubic region. If you want to shave your pubic hair, just know that there will be some itching as it grows back.
Test for allergies! I was using organic products for years, and then found out I was still allergic to some of the products themselves, not just the pesticides of the pharmacy brand version).
If you love that bare look of no hair, enjoy a fun slip and slide with a hairless partner! I know some people who actually tweeze or thread their pubic hair to get the smoothest sensation imaginable. Yes, this takes hours to do if you are tweezing.
These are long-standing beliefs that keep our pleasure repressed, and keep us self-conscious instead. Find a happy medium for YOURSELF!
If you want bush, go for it. If you want to shave, go for it.
Or find a happy medium!
Keeping It Trim
An alternative for pleasure-enhancement is trimming!
At my Betty Dodson BodySex weekend, one of the women came in Day 1 donning a beautiful bush and the next day, she trimmed and was equally joyful and orgasmic Day 2!
We haven’t made a full return to the glory days when huge bush was in style...
Now when pubic hair makes an appearance [in pornography], it’s often neatly trimmed.
Closely-cropped pubic hair is easier to manage – there are fewer painful waxing or lasering sessions – and many individuals find this trimmed, “natural-state” highly desirable.
Grooming Tips
Thankfully, personal grooming is easier than ever. There are widely available grooming shavers that are adjustable to match whatever length or shape you’re looking for.
If you are thinking about letting your pubic hair make a comeback, start slowly. Buy a grooming tool that you can use to keep things trim and take it from there.
You still have a lot of choices in pubic grooming!
There’s waxing, shaving, threading, laser hair removal, chemicals that remove hair and other forms of trimming.
It’s not an “all or nothing” proposition when it comes to pubic hair.
Check out some LCAT Fan Favorites:
- The best razor for a close shave without nicks
- Shaving cream choice, especially for those with sensitive skin
- Baby trimmer for those who have never done it
- Body trimmer reported to prevent cutting
- Multigroom series
If you are going to get a brazalian or an anal wax, make sure that the person you are going to has hygenic facilities and that they are experienced. This is not a place you want any infections.
Body Positivity and Personal Preference
One of the best things about recent trends in pubic hair is the underlying support for personal preference when it comes to your body. We still have some ways to go, but the return of pubic hair and the debate over whether bald is better is becoming less about what’s “hot” and more about doing whatever you want concerning your body.
That sense of body sensitivity has sexual maturity, acceptance from sexual partners and even helped push choice feminism.
With the reemergence of bushier pubic hair, women should feel less confined to a certain body image or personal grooming standards.
Everyone has better sex when we feel good about our bodies.
More and more people, including people with large public followings, are proudly announcing their preference for the natural look.
That may seem a bit trite, but it goes a long way to breaking down barriers. Sometimes, when public figures open the door to how many people feel, it’s easier for them to take the leap and make changes.
The trend, for now, remains overwhelmingly in favor of total hair removal or very limited pubic hair. However, the stigma of bushy or trimmed pubic hair on all genders is slowly fading away. That’s good news for everyone.
Some people do what their partner prefers. I would consider that choosing what makes you feel the most confident about your body is what matters.
Can You Go Back if You’ve Done Laser Hair Removal?
What about people who chose laser hair removal to permanently remove their pubic hair?
A few years ago, they were so sure they’d never want pubic hair again.
The trend is changing, though, and so are some people’s minds.
With laser hair removal, your pubic hair may not be completely gone forever, and it’s likely that hair that grows back will be lighter, thinner, and that there will be fewer of them.
Believe it or not, in recent years, some medical facilities have started performing hair transplants on people - for those balding, those who want a fuller bush, or those who regret past laser hair removal.
The procedures are expensive and are by no means mainstream, yet if the trend towards pubic hair continues, expect there to be more developments here.
Still, even with the potential for hair removal reversal, permanent laser removal should be something you consider at length.
Focus instead on feeling good about your body and taking small steps to find out what works best for you.
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.
Sex Therapist Secret Male Masturbation Techniques Revealed!
Sex Therapist Secret Male Masturbation Techniques Revealed!
What are your favorite male masturbation techniques?
Mine is edging, and I am going to teach you how to get longer, and stronger orgasms.
It’s time to take control back of your member!
A brief introduction into a variety of male masturbation techniques encourages conscious self-pleasuring.
In recent years, there has been a new term that has entered the sexual lexicon - a favorite one of my male masturbation techniques, according to internet research.
“Edging” is the practice of extending and intensifying the period of sexual stimulation and pleasure by delaying orgasm, specifically ejaculation.
DISCLAIMER: For the sake of brevity rather than priority, we will be limiting our conversation to humans with external genitals in the context of “male” sexuality. Please email us if you want more on masturbation techniques across the binary!
Masturbation is Good for You!
Self-pleasure is an excellent way of providing for your own needs! It is fun, self-soothing, and feels good.
Most men stumble onto this natural wonderment in puberty and joyfully or shamefully retreat to the privacy of their room and their receptive sweat socks and lotion bottles with great regularity.
No harm, no foul!
As young men mature, so do their sexual and emotional needs, and many begin to seek out intensifying factors such as porn; and occasionally other fetishistic behaviors, like self-bondage, panty-sniffing and about a million other things, including edging.
These patterns will certainly shape the sexual behavior and preferences for the rest of his life, occasionally in unpleasant ways.
Masturbation is powerful in its potential to “program” our sexual behavior.
Here is where edging can be beneficial to our sexual performance when we add a partner into the mix.
Often, there is shame associated with ejaculation before your partner is ready for it.
This shame is not helpful, so I’ll bypass the tropes and point out that, generally speaking, the ability to control orgasm and ejaculation is considered a desirable trait in a male lover, and the lack thereof would be high on the list of frustrations by people who find sex with their partners unfulfilling.
A good start is to not ejaculate until you have been masturbating for at least 20 minutes.
This will help you develop the ability to sense and delay the onset of ejaculation with pacing, a good second step is to not allow yourself to ever stop masturbating, but rather slow down and speed up to gain even greater control.
At more advanced levels, this will help you to develop the muscles required to delay ejaculation and maintain a firm erection even when pleasure increases or is momentarily interrupted.
There are even videos on Pornhub to assist you in this practice.
In my opinion, most of them are too short, but they may be helpful to you (search JOI or edging challenge)! Some even have a guide sound or visual to require you to stroke at a certain intensity.
Hopefully your solitary practice of edging will benefit your sexual relations as well!
Wouldn’t it be nice to know going into a sexual encounter that you have perfect control of your own orgasm and will be able to please your partner with a mutually satisfactory experience without anxiety over orgasming too soon or that awkward feeling of being “done” when your partner is still raring to go?
So far, we have only spoken of this as a means to an end, and it can be helpful that way; however, edging with a partner can be a wonderful experience.
It can be done as pure hedonism or with with an edge of power exchange where control of orgasm and prolonging of pleasure becomes kind of a game.
In porn, it seems to be popular when combined with humiliation play or bondage and “ruined orgasm” videos abound where a man is made to edge over several days, or weeks even, and is then stimulated to the point of orgasm and then stimulation stops just at the onset of orgasm.
It seems mean, but the guys don’t seem to mind - LOL.
The increased volume of semen that is often a result of edging is also a factor for some people as is the increased “horniness” that prolonged edging over days or weeks can cause.
There are many reasons to give all of these considerations a try in your self-pleasure practice.
Have fun with your new Male Masturbation Techniques!
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.
If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.