The Rise of Lonely, Single Men: Is It a Trend or Something Completely Else? 

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The Rise of Lonely, Single Men: Is It a Trend or Something Completely Else? 

 

Lately, many conversations have been made around the topic of the rise of lonely, single men, and an article about it was even published on Psychology Today. Dating experts are highlighting that the number of men surpasses significantly the number of their female counterparts on dating apps and platforms, and they’re using this information to motivate men to upgrade their skills and mindset to become better than their competition. 

What does the phrase ‘lonely, single men mean? Are we truly starting to reduce our value as humans to how much we’re worth on a dating market? Let’s explore it more profoundly before adding yet another stereotype to our society. 

Single Doesn’t Make You Lonely

Let’s step away from genders for a second. The human race should not be divided by genders and taught how to win over the other pack, yet we should be aware we’re more complex than that. For instance, two single men in their 30’s are not the same person. They will probably have different interests, ways of communication, not to mention personalities. Also, another important point to make here is that being single doesn’t imply that person is lonely. 

You can be recovering from your last relationship, wanting to focus more on getting a promotion in the company, or earning a degree that will help you land the job of your dreams. Or, you can simply enjoy the single life and look for interactions with people you’re attracted to that will not necessarily lead to a romantic relationship. And that doesn’t make you lonely and it sure doesn’t make you a ‘work in progress’.

Embracing the Complexity

If we truly want to evolve as human beings and understand better our emotional and mental health wellbeing, we need to treat people as we want others to treat us. Imagine if you got laid off because the company you’ve worked in for years suddenly closed. Your closest friends invite you to a party to cheer you up, yet they introduce you to everyone as unemployed. They don’t mention that you’re their best friend or that you also play tennis. The only thing they highlight about you is that you’re unemployed.

This is what happens when people talk about the ‘rise of lonely, single men’. Just because there are more men than women on dating apps doesn’t mean they are desperate to match with their next romantic or sexual partner. They might be casually looking for fun, clever conversation, or adventure. 

Creating Confusion and Fear

If you’re a single man who is looking for a significant other on dating apps, how does this stereotype help you? Aren’t we all encouraging each other to go after what we want? So, why are we adding shame into the mix? 

A big portion of the reason can be found in the rise of dating experts across the United States. After all, even many young Americans in their 20s and 30s are reaching out to dating professionals that claim they can help them become a better ‘catch’ and also pair them with the right candidate or two. 

Even the term ‘skills’, used to describe which areas men need to improve to be more attractive to women on dating apps makes it sound like there are a few milestones before you reach your ultimate objective. Finding the person you like to begin a new relationship or even friendship with is not a linear process. You can check out all the boxes of an extensive checklist and still not be able to find someone you like or who likes you. These things can happen when you least expect them or when you don’t expect them at all.

Approaching such complex topics this way, we’re only making it worse for those who want to date and are doing what they can to find someone they find interesting to spend their time with. It’s very different when you’re talking to your male friend who is looking to meet someone new and giving them advice based on their situation from putting all men in one category, categorizing them as desperate, and offering them useless advice on what to do about it. 

Times Have Changed… And They’ll Continue Changing 

There are more single men and there are more single women than before because the times have changed compared to only 10 or 20 years ago. People are no longer spending 10, 20, or even 30 years doing the same job every day. We want to travel and explore the world before we settle down. We want to learn who we are first to be able to love the other person as they truly are. We want to date several people until we find the one that is the right match for us. 

All of this implies a lot of emotional and self-reflecting work. This means that the dating criteria you had five years ago maybe don’t work well for you today. Your dating or romantic life doesn’t require you to start seeing a therapist just to be able to find someone. You don’t have to read dozens of books with tips for single men or pay for dating expert services. 

Oftentimes, it’s the small things that make a difference. Maybe you should try starting more conversations in your favorite coffee shop, public transport, gym, or park. Maybe you can try to create a profile on a dating app that will show who you are better than trying to be the best ‘catch’. Or, maybe you should focus on trying out different things and opening up to new groups of people.

In Final Words

If you’re a man reading this because you thought there is a serious wave of lonely, single men across the globe, don’t worry. Just be yourself and don’t worry about other men. They might prefer a different type of woman than you or be a completely different person from you. Just be yourself, be honest about your intentions and interest, and if dating apps are not working – don’t give up. There are plenty of places all over the world to enjoy and explore and when you’re least expecting it, you could fall in love. 

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

What Is Male Edging?

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What Is Male Edging?

 

Edging is a technique for either one partner or both partners to extend the time it takes to reach orgasm. Even though edging is typically considered a method for men to stay in the game longer, it can be used by women as well. Before an orgasm, partners learn to stop all sexual arousal and communicate. They can experiment with different methods of contact so that the agitated partner can calm down before continuing. This can both delay the climax and heighten the intensity of the orgasms when they do occur.

Communication with your partner is essential if you want to experiment with edging during sex. Success depends on knowing how many cycles of teasing they can take and how to touch them during a cool-down period.

Before getting into the details of male edging, let’s take a look at the common misconceptions about it.

Misconceptions about Male Edging

Ejaculation is impacted by a few medical disorders (the discharge of semen from the penis). Not to be confused with edging are these:

  • When you reach orgasm soon, you ejaculate prematurely. Anxiety and hereditary characteristics are a few of the causes. Up to 40% of men who have a penis experience it at some point.
  • Anorgasmia, often known as delayed orgasm, is the inability to have an orgasm. This illness is uncommon and poorly understood.
  • When the muscles in your urethra are unable to correctly contract, semen might back up into your bladder and result in retrograde ejaculation. Because there is no discernible ejaculate at the climax, this is referred to as a dry orgasm. It may be caused by nerve damage brought on by other illnesses such as diabetes, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, spinal cord injuries, and certain surgeries. 

On the other side, edging is a secure and healthy method of sex exploration. It has no conditions or negative effects. It can be used either alone or during intercourse with a partner and can boost enjoyment regardless of gender or sexual orientation. Edging can be utilized to improve communication and closeness by focusing on one partner or both.

How to Make the Most of Edging

Choose first if you want to try edging solo or with your partner. Whatever method you choose, keep in mind that getting to know your body is always a good idea. The cherry on top is orgasms that are even more powerful.

Solo

To practice edging, you can use your hands or toys. Whatever method you use, make sure to move gently and deliberately while paying close attention to the signals of your body. You should slow down or stop completely if you feel like you’re about to orgasm. 

The next step is to calm down and rest until your orgasm is under control. Try deep breathing or rubbing your skin with your hands. Simply let your body appreciate a different kind of touch. Consider what nearly induced orgasm in you while taking note of how your body is feeling. You are free to restart and repeat the process as often as you like once you are ready.

With Your Partner

Hands, lips, sex organs, and toys can all be used when edging with a partner. Discuss how to let the other person know when you both need a break. Whatever works best can be a phrase or a gesture. When one of you is getting near to orgasm, try switching up your positions or your intensity. Alternate between penetrative sex and touch or oral stimulation and playing with a toy. 

You can begin with a few edging cycles and increase the number as you please. During pauses, give one another a sensual massage. Blood will flow into your pelvic area more as you go through more cycles. This increases excitement and may trigger orgasms with greater intensity.

Edging Steps

As edging might be a completely new term for you, we’ll break the entire process into simple steps for you to follow.

With or without a partner, the edging process typically looks like this:

  1. Begin sexual stimulation, 
  2. Change the intensity or stop just before an orgasm, 
  3. Increase the intensity after a small delay,
  4. Repeat all the steps. 

When practicing edging with a partner, it is important to always talk about it beforehand and get enthusiastic approval.

Edging Benefits

Both those practicing alone and those practicing with groups may benefit from edging. According to the International Society for Sexual Medicine, edging can make some people’s sexual activity more intense. The edging cycles can heighten tension and produce a more gratifying climax.

Additionally, edging might make sexual activities last longer. This method can be used to stop premature ejaculation by those who suffer it. To increase confidence in the bedroom, couples may also utilize edging. This might be especially helpful for newlywed couples who might be hesitant to have sex.

Finding out a person’s sexual preferences may be possible with the use of edging. People can learn about sexual triggers and experiment with new activities by doing cycles of edging repeatedly. This is also a great way to understand what you enjoy and what turns you on in sex and help your partner understand what gives you sexual pleasure. 

In Conclusion

Although edging may not be for everyone, it is safe and advantageous. People who want to try edging with others should always talk to them about it first. This will help establish whether the person is at ease and eager to give it a try. Some individuals might want to think about investigating edging independently first. They can use this to determine whether they want to attempt it with others, too.

All in all, edging enables you to discover new methods to satisfy both yourself and your partner as well as experience stronger orgasms. Instead of focusing just on achieving orgasm, letting yourself relax into the sex-related sensations can lead to a more playful, spontaneous relationship, increase your emotional connection to your spouse, and help you become a better lover.

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About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

sex toy for men

Finding The Best Sex Toy For Men

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Finding The Best Sex Toy For Men

 

Usually, when talking about the tools to achieve pleasure, we rarely talk about finding the perfect sex toy for men. Without a doubt, women are spending more money on sex toys. Yet the male audience is becoming more and more interested in this type of product as well. Men are determined to enjoy exploring their sexual pleasure, whether it’s through masturbation or having sex with their partner.

As much as you might assume that the male sex toy market is one-dimensional. The reality is actually quite the opposite. Nowadays, men have numerous options to choose from to enhance their pleasure during masturbation or sex. Regardless of the sex toy you might choose. You will soon start enjoying priceless orgasms and might end up buying more and more sex toys. 

To help you make your decision. We have prepared an overview of the best sex toys for men which can be used for your solo play. Or you might even decide to share them with your special one. It’s completely up to you!

#1 Lil Tootsie

Let’s start with the sex toy you can use alone or with someone. The Lil Tootsie is the perfect choice for men as its silicone sleeve features a ribbed material. Reminding the user of a vagina. Also, it can be used in a different way where a user would pull it tight to mimic a sucking sensation. 

So, if you’re tired of all these vibrators on the market and are looking for something completely different. Lil Tootsie is perfect for you. This nonvibrating toy can be used in any moment of masturbation and couples can use it as a tool in a game of two. 

#2 Fun Factory MANTA Vibrating Stroker

If you were assuming that wand vibrators can only bring pleasure to vaginas and vulvas, you were completely wrong. This vibrating stroker is your go-to toy when you’re looking for a little bit of fun in the sheets with your sexual partner. This pretty impressive sex toy comes with a loop handle that fits around the shaft to ensure you achieve stroking pleasure.  Or a really focused deep sensation. 

Its ridges hold lube and its motor will vibrate along your entire penis so you can enjoy it however you want. In other words, if you love great handjobs or blowjobs. Having a toy like this vibrating stroker will stimulate exactly these feelings for you. 

#3 Classic Pink Lady Fleshlight

If the thought of vagina is what turns you on when you’re masturbating alone in your bed. You will be happy to hear that there are more sex toys for men created in a form of the vagina. The ‘fleshlight’ is designed so it reminds a person of a vagina while they are masturbating. To experience the pleasures of penetration. All you will have to do is to slip it over your penis to stimulate the experience of vaginal or anal sex.

Besides its stunning design, men have praised its effect. And are suggesting it to anyone who would love to take their masturbation game to the next level. And, it’s perfect for those who are single as this toy can best be enjoyed only when it’s you and nobody else in the room. 

#4 SVAKOM Alex Neo Mastubator

Anybody who loves seeing the wonders of technology in every aspect of their lives will adore this SVAKOM Alex Neo Masturbator. It’s a thrusting stroker that shows its full potential if the user utilizes an app to explore many modes and audible experiences. This toy is perfect for all of those who want to use it with their long-distance partner as you can communicate via app or video chat. 

Moreover, you can pair it with the porn of your choice and align the strokes accordingly which brings a completely another dimension of virtual reality masturbation. If this is a bit too much for you, just simply remove the detachable textured sleeve. And find your own pleasure. 

#5 Pleasure Works Gala Confetti Mini Anal Plug

For those who are curious to explore anal penetration and have yet to try it, this anal plug is the perfect solution. This is a small and simple butt plug designed to bring incredible anal pleasure. And you will love it from the first moment you try it. 

This confetti-decorated silicone anal plug is very flexible to help you truly enjoy the penetration and it’s tapered for easy insertion. And we can’t forget its wings that give you complete control over movements while you are masturbating. 

#6 Satisfyer Men Heat Vibration

If you’re a fan of vibrators, you will probably want to have more than just one. After all, some men have an entire collection of different vibrators they use quite often. So, if you’re one of them too, the Heat Vibration will provide you with all the levels of pleasure you’re fantasizing about. And more importantly, it will also help you get to climax. Pretty impressive, right? 

This sex toy includes a very soft sleeve with pleasure ridges, two motors, and 70 vibration patterns. No wonder why most men recommend it for absolute pleasure as you’ll have plenty of options to explore until you find the one that provides you with the best orgasm!

#7 Lelo LOKI Wave

You’ve already well familiar, or we can see somewhat an expert, in the anal play? Then, you’ll love LOKI Wave by Lelo! It brings incredible prostate play to its users due to the adjustable power with ten stimulation modes. This sex toy was created to provide great pleasure and stimulation inside and out. With this one, you will have two motors targeting your prostate and perineum. While the stimulator will move back and forth against the prostate. Getting you closer to your climax. 

The Bottom Line

If you’re looking to buy your first sex toy, you’ll be surprised by the wide choice of products. More importantly, diversity will help each individual find something that will work for them. Also, look for sex toys that are designed for the level of experience you have. It’s not the same to use a sex toy for experts and the one for beginners. That’s why it’s vital that you research well and read reviews before buying, so you can have as many orgasms as you want!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

What Do 50 Year Old Men Want In Bed

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What Do 50 Year Old Men Want In Bed

 

If you’re in your 50’s and started a relationship, you are probably asking yourself what do 50 year old men want in bed. Understanding what your partner needs in bed is crucial for any relationship to work. A man in his 50’s is not much different from men of other ages, yet there are a few things that differentiate them from the rest of the male population. 

In this article, you will find all the specific traits that 50 year old men want to see in bed from their sexual partner. Before we dive into these valuable tips, keep in mind that there is one aspect that will affect how well you two get along in the bedroom, and that’s open communication. Share your likes and dislikes and ask him what his preferences are. A good conversation is often the best start to beautiful experiences. 

1.Love Yourself First

As much as confidence and self-love are vital for any relationship we decide to build in our lives, the lack of it at this age will be a turn-off for most of the men in their 50’s. An older man will find it difficult to connect with a woman who has low self-confidence. After you’ve experienced a bunch of ups and downs, you should already be comfortable with who you are. Embrace your body and personality, and allow yourself to experience something beautiful where you can be yourself.

2. Intimacy Over Sex

You might assume that men, and especially older men, are looking only for sex. As much as women, men like to enjoy the act of sex and maybe some of them will need it more often than most women do, yet each of them prefers intimacy over sex. So, you should aim for intimacy if you’re dating a 50 year old man. He wants to feel close to you and the best way to be intimate is to take your time when having sex. 

3. Be Playful

There might be different personalities when talking about men in their 50’s, yet they all like playful, confident women. Playing in bed, exploring each other’s bodies, understanding what you both like, and just having fun is what every 50 year old man will want. Many things should be taken seriously in life, and sex is not one of them. Try to be more creative and open to different options, positions and places as you definitely won’t regret it. 

4. Take Initiative

When you were younger, you might have waited for a man to ask for your number, invite you for dinner or initiate sex, however, now, that’s not that sexy. You are a self-sufficient woman who knows how to get what she wants, and if she wants a man, she knows how to get his attention. If you’re in a relationship with an older man, he will be more than happy if you initiate sex as well. Making him feel desired and attractive to you is more powerful than any other aphrodisiac on the planet. 

5. Take Him Out Of Bed

When talking about you initiating sex, how about you take it one or more steps further – literary? You can do it on the counter, against the wall, on your balcony, in the shower, or somewhere outside your home. You can even take him to a location you have found and plan a romantic picnic for the two of you and then surprise him with a little bit of action. If you’re not a fan of outdoor sex, you can still spice things up in the comfort of your home. 

6. Show Him His Your Hero

The same way you can’t completely revel in sex when you’re not at your best, he struggles with the same. Complimenting your man on how he fixed your dishwasher or how he painted the walls of your house goes a long way. And, you can compliment him on more than just the chores. You can also thank him for being such a great listener or show how impressed you are with the relationship he has with his kids. Showing you’re noticing his strengths will make him feel better about himself and of course, your relationship. Not to mention that he will also be motivated to give you a compliment or two.

7. Don’t Be Quick To Judge

If your sexual partner shares a fantasy he wants to try out with you, don’t judge him. You will make him feel bad about his suggestion and he will not be motivated to share his intimate thoughts with you. The same goes for any other aspects of his life. Don’t judge him for sleeping an hour later than usual as his work might be more stressful than usual. Don’t make him feel bad just because you see or hear something you dislike. Instead, talk to him to understand his reasons behind it and you will easily find the solution. 

8. Be His Friend

We’ve talked about intimacy, open-mindedness and taking initiative, yet all of these things come short if you are not friends. It’s difficult to be attracted to a person for a longer period if they are not significant to you. Try building that relationship the same way you do with your new friends. Talk about hopes, fears, hobbies, opinions, and everything else you usually share with your friends. This will significantly improve your sex life and the attraction you feel for one another. 

9. For More, Ask Him

We are all different and if you are doing all of the things above, why not simply ask him? By showing you want to please him in bed, he will see how important he is for you and that you are willing to do work on your relationship. When talking about sex, make sure you start the conversation by sharing your desires and asking for his feedback. By simply asking him a bunch of questions related to sex, he might feel attacked or as he might think he is not good enough for you. Show him that he means a lot to you and that you want to make sure you are both enjoying your relationship. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Male Version of Mistress

What is The Male Version of Mistress? 

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What is The Male Version of Mistress? 

 

The male version of mistress is called a Master or known as a Dominant. 

A Pro Dom or Master may be rare to find, yet they exist. 

Sometimes, if you are looking to pay for this male version of a mistress, it is illegal. 

However, you can and will find a male version of a mistress if you look long enough on the internet.

There are apps and websites for kinksters that are looking due to the true desire of it all. 

For those who want some level of discretion, consider fetlife.com and make an unidentifiable profile. 

Build a profile, and change your age and location. Be sure to include your gender and define what you are looking for. Only message profiles that resonate with you.  

Be mindful that kink and power dynamics do not have to be sexual. Yet they are a relationship form that is powerful and needs to be negotiated. 

The male version is a mistress – a mister – could be sensual, sexual, or psychological. Some individuals find pleasure in a particular clothing material, while other people (or parts of people) find giving control or decision-making to another individual liberating.

Another reason that individuals seek out male versions of a mistress are because individuals love the certainty and trust that comes from giving another “control” for a period of time when they feel overwhelmed. 

Whereas others enjoy roleplaying as a way of expressing a part of themselves that they cannot be vulnerable with others. 

None of these reasons are particularly sexual, as there is not any form of genital contact, touch, or orgasm. However, “kink dynamics” where you seek out a mistress or master help us play with our senses, emotions, the neurobiology in our body, and thus our headspace. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Best Male Sex Toys

Best Male Sex Toys in 2021

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Best Male Sex Toys in 2021

 

Lately, we have been asked to write a list of the best male sex toys for cis men and trans women. 

Even though many think they know the best male sex toys, they are often missing fun toys we consider in 2021!

We define male sex toys in this blog as toys that are designed to use on bodies with penises.

The Cock Ring

The beginner state of male sex play starts to give the penis the idea of what could be better or more interesting to up level intimacy. 

Penis rings or cock rings are essentially a ring (sometimes with multiple loops) that goes around the base of your penis (and if there are extra loops, those would go around the testicles). 

Supposedly, the tighter the sex toy ring, the more that the blood flow that goes into your penis is restricted. 

The result is the best feeling for many, as they report longer-lasting erections and more intense orgasms. Cock rings come in a variety of colors and sizes. 

Some of the cock rings have padded silicone to prevent any irritations from the vibrations. It is a great teaser product during PVI (penis vagina intercourse) sex. As it allows just part of the penis to do the actual penetration. 

Prostate Massager

A prostate massager is just that. It’s placed around the anus or inserted into the anus. The toy has several different settings on it that range in speed and intensity. If you’re an anal sex pro, go all out. If you’re new to this game, take it slow and remember to use lube.

Best Male Sex Toys

Some prostate massages are inventive. There are some available for sale now that have another section that’s placed and designed to massage your perineum. The sensitive area of skin between your anus and your scrotum.

Consider that using a prostate massager on yourself may add new sensations. It could also be fun with a partner taking turns and using the remote to control pleasure.

The Fleshlight

The fleshlight is undoubtedly the most famous male sex toy out there. If you don’t know it, the fleshlight is a brand.

 

It is so famous that an entire sex toy category is known by this term. Another name you’ll often here is “pocket pussies.”

 

The fleshlight gets its name because it’s designed to look like a common flashlight. However, when you pop the top off, the pleasure begins.

Best Male Sex Toys

Sex toy manufacturers have even designed fleshlights to specific measurements to simulate a certain level of tightness.

Also, these toys come in starter packs that include lubrication and other accessories to clean It. You insert your penis into the rubber orifice and masturbate with it on.

Anal Plugs

Anal plugs, or butt plugs, can be enjoyed by everyone. Basic plugs are made from metal, silicone, or some other material. They are inserted into the anus to offer a constant stream of stimulation.

Many butt plugs include vibrating tips and even remote controls that your partner can use to change vibration speed and tempo.

 

Best Male Sex Toys

Water-based Lubricant

Water-based lubricants are typically recommended for use with male sex toys. The reason is that they do less harm and leave less residue once you’re finished. 

There are excellent water-based lubes on the sex toy market. However, silicone could work at times. Be mindful to clean them after!

 

Blow Job Toys

People with a penis that have been masturbating the same way for years can check out blow job toys. 

Modern blow job toys simulate getting a real blow job. The openings are shaped like a mouth and the design is meant to mirror the stimulation of swallowing or penetration.

They come in both reusable, disposable models and several different shapes. Similarly, you can purchase electric models that require a plug. Some use batteries too, so consider buying extra.

Overall, the important thing with blow job toys is to choose one that fits the penis tightly to increase pleasure.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Now, LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Cisgender

What Does Cisgender Mean?

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What Does Cisgender Mean?

 

If you are on the mobile app dating scene, you have likely come across the term “cisgender.” 

Whether it is cisgender, straight male or cisgender queer woman, there seem to be endless labels to self-identify.

Let’s go through the basics of gender identity vs sex vs sexuality to gain a deeper understanding of the term cisgender.

 

Mirriam Webster’s Definition of “Cisgender”:

 “Of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.”

This means that if a baby is born, and the doctor assigns them as “male” based on them having a penis or “female” based on them having a vagina, and the person identifies with how they were assigned at birth, they are cisgender, or cis for short.

gender expression

What is Gender?

To better understand and contextualize the term “cisgender,” let’s look at what gender even is.

Gender is a social construct around the “rules” of what is considered masculine and feminine. It is how you identify on the spectrum of these characteristics and is more about how you feel internally than what genitals you have.

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of different gender identities, though in the mainstream up until recently we only had “male” and “female”, aka the gender binary. Now there are people who even identify as being nonbinary, agender or genderqueer. The definition can vary from person to person, though basically it means they do not identify with either spectrum of the gender binary.

When someone lists their pronouns, this is based on their gender identity, which is the way they feel inside about their identity in the context of society’s ideals of masculine and feminine.

 

What is Sex?

Sex is a collection of biological markers and attributes that the scientific community has designated to describe a person’s gender in the past, though now it is becoming more common to not let someone’s biological sex determine their gender identity.

The truth is, even sex isn’t black and white. There are genitals, hormones, chromosomes and other characteristics that can vary wildly, and to not acknowledge that sex and gender are separate excludes folks who are born with ambiguous sex characteristics, otherwise known as people who are intersex.

Your sex is how a member of the medical community would likely describe your physical, biological body, and is not indicative of gender expression. There are men with vaginas, women with penises, and everything and anyone in between.

 

What is Sexuality?

Sexuality is the easiest to understand: it’s about who you do (and don’t) want to have sex with. Someone can be cisgender and gay, because your gender does not dictate your sexuality. Someone can also be transgender and straight, again the two are unrelated.

Sexuality is also said to be on a spectrum, such as the infamous Kinsey Scale. Though it is becoming out of date, it was revolutionary for its time and made the world reconsider the idea of straight and gay, and the wonderful world of sexualities in between, including people who are asexual. They may not want sex at all, or under very specific circumstances!

 

Cisnormativity

Since we live in a colonial, heteronormative culture, the culture is also largely cisnormative, meaning the “default” has always been to assume people are cisgender. It is important for us to consider in which ways we subconsciously enforce cisnormativity, making the world a less inviting place for folks who are not cis.

Some examples include always using the terms “ladies and gentlemen” when addressing a group, or terms like “guys” or “policeman/woman”. Using gender neutral terms for group situations ensures that you have everyone covered with respect. Try using terms like “folks”, “friends”, or for professions that are gendered there are usually alternatives, such as “server” instead of waiter or waitress, or “police officer” instead of policeman or policewoman.

Learning the differences between sex, sexuality and gender have hopefully helped you understand what it means to identify as cisgender, and be a better ally to our nonbinary, trans and two spirit friends.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

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Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

 

The 2020 post election anxiety has contributed to an incredibly stressful time for many of us. 

As we gear up for the holiday season during COVID, I thought it pertinent to write about ways to communicate about post election anxiety with various individuals around many important topics.

Most of my sessions the last week or two (minimum) have focused predominantly on the election:

  • whether that was the stress of the outcome
  • human rights concerns 
  • communication on different perspectives and opinions with those around them
  • fear of police brutality
  • fear of civil war or violence within communities
  • issues surrounding boundaries. 

Although I could write a whole post about the election itself and the various observations I have, I imagine that it would be more helpful to hear tricks and tips to navigate this rather than to hear me “rant.” 

 

Check yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Most of all, it is important to remember to check your privilege. 

What do I mean by that? 

Well, the more privilege you have, the more difficult it may be for you to relate to someone who has a different privilege status (i.e a different set of barriers). 

For instance if you are a white, cisgender, middle class, heterosexual woman, you have a different level of privilege compared to someone who is a multiracial, transgender man who lives pay check to pay check. 

I share this because for people of various communities, there were significant policy and human rights issues on the line. 

So if you are coming from different privilege spaces it’s important for you to notice if safety was on the ballot for you this year. 

Safety can look like the right to marry, the right to walk on the street, financial security, health care, rights over your body, etc. 

There are many examples, and these are just BRIEF examples of what that might look like.

I share this because so many of my clients have shared either struggling to understand some levels of reactivity from certain people in their lives or the lack of understanding and compassion. 

One of the main issues I have seen are clients feeling like people are not understanding the level of safety and harm that can be done with specific policies. 

So please be aware that recognizing your privilege in conversations is important. 

 

Take a Deep Breath… Slow Down!

In heated conversations it is important to to take a deep breath and I tell many of my clients “slow the F*** down.” 

I say this because when we are not breathing, we are literally unable to hear or speak in a way that is effective or productive. 

Our body literally starts to go into survival mode which depending on our lived experience can throw us into what I like to call a “trauma tornado” or get you a “ticket on the trauma train” which is my silly way of saying a “trauma spiral.” 

Breathing is so important. So just breathe. Post Election Anxiety

Slow down. 

Take a breathe (inhale) for 1….2….3….4. 

And hold it for 1….2….3….4. 

Then exhale breath for 1….2….3….4. 

Then hold for 1….2….3….4. 

If you practice this daily, it will help you have more control over your body and breath, and thus, it will allow you to engage in the moment in diaphragmatic breathing. 

In my experience (personally and professionally), when we do not do this we lose our ability to remain in the conversation and be within our integrity. 

 

Seek to Understand Rather than Be Understood

This one is a little bit complicated and nuanced as the first one was. 

Seek to understand means to ask questions and use curiosity. 

If you are in a curious space, you are able to be in a space of learning which puts your brain in a different focus and allows you to try to understand (not agree) with whomever you are speaking with. 

When we seek to understand, people can feel less defensive or critical.

When people are in a defensive or critical position we are leaning into an argument style of communication or what will likely be an ineffective conversation. 

When we seek to understand, we seek to collaborate with who we are working with, rather than convincing someone. 

So often in therapy, I watch people act as if I am the judge and they are in front of me and each other to convince the other that they are right. 

When we are focused on being right rather than understanding no one “wins.” And again if we are focused on “being right” or “winning” the argument that is not about connection or compassion that is about disconnection, shame, and/or rejection. Also, if we are focused on winning or only being understood… that is not usually helpful or productive.

Validation. It’s a buzz word in our culture and in therapy. And this is a BIG part of seeking to understand rather than be understood. Validation is about hearing the other person NOT AGREEING. 

Let’s say that again for those in the back…

Validation is about hearing and understanding someone’s perspective. NOT AGREEING.

So validating someone’s perspective is not agreeing with their point of view. At.All. It is about showing the person that you were listening and not just in your head thinking about a response (Guilty! I have done that… not my best strategy!). Validation is reflecting back to someone what they said in order to show that you are listening… or seeking to understand them.

The reason these things are important is because it allows the conversation the best opportunity and chance to not end in an explosion.

If you are still with us and want to learn more, stay tuned for our Friday download about how to communicate when you have post election stress.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues

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How To Know If You Have Erection Issues

 

Sex Therapist ANSWERS How to know if you have erection issues! And issues about ejaculation and ejaculate. This will answer your questions.

So, you are here because you want to know how to know if you have erection issues.

You may be asking yourself “How to know if you have erection issues” just like many of our viewers have done! Because  How to know if you have erection issues is so specific, I am going to give you the real talk… 6 TIPS … like a cheat sheet to the answer!

In this video I will answer “How to know if you have erection issues” and if you think your marriage is not surviving and you need more intimacy, I am giving you my “Pleasure Practice E Guide”

How to know if you have erection issues… answered by a certified sex therapist!

Concerned about your ejaculation?

So are MANY of my clients!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist, shares her tips to success! Watch now!

 

Watch now:

 

Follow us on social:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thesexhealer

Instagram: http://instagram.com/thesexhealer

 

“Solutions for Erection and Ejaculation Issues”

Webinar on Sunday, August 23rd at 7 PM EST

Sign up for the Webinar

_____________________________________________________________________

  • Is your anxiety getting in the way of your sex?
  • Are you performing at optimum levels?
  • Are you struggling with getting physically aroused with your long-term partner?
  • If porn seems to be the only thing that turns you on, it is time to update your performance and pleasure techniques so your mind can control your body.

 

Through systemic, Tantra sex therapy techniques, you will learn new ways to connect with your partner.

 

This Webinar will help you:

  • Provide psychoeducation to assess if you or your partner has erectile dysfunction.
  • Understand the systemic shame in the inability to obtain and maintain erections.
  • Obtain specific suggestions to solve the emotional distress or embarrassment of ejaculating before desired.

Bonus for signing up, you will receive:

  • 1 FREE email question to Amanda
  • Recording of live program
  • Document on Parts Theory – Amanda’s life hack for fantasy in long-term romantic relationships

 

Sign up for the Webinar

Hurry, reserve your spot today!

Webinar is 60 minutes with Q&A

Cost: $49

Must be 18 or older

A webinar recording will be provided

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Erection Issues

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues: A Checklist!

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How To Know If You Have Erection Issues: A Checklist!

 

If you’re feeling uncertain or embarrassed about erectile dysfunction, this checklist will tell you how to know if you have erection issues. 

After all, sometimes it is just an off night, and sometimes it just isn’t happening- no matter how turned on you are, no matter how sexy the situation. 

It can be frustrating and shameful, and I want you to realize it is actually quite common. 

Some research says that 15 to 30 million people with penises have erection issues in some form at any given time. 

The causes can be physiological or psychological, and many causes of erectile dysfunction can be treated with mindset rephrames, lifestyle changes, and even medication changes. 

The recurrence of erectile dysfunction also increases with age, though people of any age can have it. 

The main thing to remember is that you have no need to be embarrassed, and there is no need to give up on an amazing, fulfilling sex life if you struggle with erection issues!

 

Who Can Help You With Erection Issues

If you’re wondering how to know if you have erection issues, you may want to chat with your medical doctor. 

As erection issues can be a symptom of more serious conditions, it is worth ruling out potential health risks. 

If the doctor clears you medically, your erection issues may be the result of a past psychological trauma or current pattern of behaviors. 

At that time, the help of a clinical sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, or someone who specializes in systemic therapy may be helpful.

 

Symptoms of Erection Issues

Some of the basic symptoms of erection issues or erectile dysfunction include:

  •   Frequent and persistent trouble getting an erection
  •   Frequent and persistent trouble keeping an erection
  •   Low libido

None of these are particularly fun, though it is important to keep track of your erection issues and ask yourself: is this something that happens almost every time I try to have sex, or is it just a blip?

  •   Do you get hard easily while masturbating? Your issues may be intimacy or psychologically based.
  •   Do you struggle to get hard most of the time, even when sexually aroused/horny? You may have physical health problems that need investigating!

As with most things, self-diagnosis can only go so far, so use this checklist to get started on the frequency and context of your erection issues. This will help you discuss in detail with a professional.

 

Health Concerns That Are Related to Erection Issues

The penis is a vascular organ and requires uninhibited blood flow to create and maintain an erection. 

It makes sense that any health condition that affects how your blood flows or affects your nerves/neurons will impact your erections!

 In fact, many cardiologists refer to erectile dysfunction as the “canary in the coal mine” as a warning symptom of heart issues. 

Our bodies are a holistic system of organs, blood vessels, muscles, nerves and tissues, and health problems rarely affect only one area of the body!

The mind and body are also intrinsically connected, and any problems you may be having psychologically can affect your erections in unexpected ways. 

Some medical issues that can cause chronic or temporary erection issues include:

  •   Heart Disease
  •   Atherosclerosis (clogged blood vessels)
  •   High Blood Pressure
  •   Obesity or weight gain
  •   Diabetes or Parkinsons
  •   Multiple Sclerosis or autoimmune issues 
  •   Estrogen 
  •   Tobacco use
  •   Alcoholism & substance abuse
  •   Medications (including yet not limited to prostate cancer/enlarged prostate, antihistamines, cancer treatment, or blood pressure). 
  •   Penis injury
  •   Hormone issues such as low testosterone or high cortisol

Some examples of psychological problems that may cause erectile dysfunction include:

  •   Mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD
  •   Stress or disconnection 
  •   Chronic exhaustion
  • Comparing partnered sex to solo sex (or masturbation)
  • Using pornography as sex education
  • Grief or sudden life changes
  •   Relationship stresses
  •   Unrealistic relationship expectations

 

What Can You Do About Erection Issues?

Seek help:

The most important first step in addressing erection issues is to give yourself a pat on the back for seeking help. You deserve an awesome sex life, and erection issues are not a sign of weakness or make you any less “manly” (if that is how you identify). It can be frustrating, and know that health professionals see this DAILY! Really… ALL. THE. TIME! So don’t be embarrassed! Get help from your family doctor, urologist or therapist to not only treat the issue with possible medications, but the root of the issue in your mind.  

 

Confide in your partner(s):

If you have a close, personal relationship with a supportive partner, it can be a relief to share your frustrations and fears. This can be especially helpful if they feel they may be at fault. 

If attraction is not the issue for you, reassure them that you find them attractive and sexy. If you suspect your erection issues stem from something psychological or traumatic, perhaps explore sharing those thoughts and feelings with your partner in a safe, guided environment such as with a sex therapist.

 

Adjust your lifestyle:

your doctor may advise you to adjust your lifestyle. If you’ve gained a lot of new weight around the midsection, your heart may be working harder to circulate blood and you could be at the mercy of hormonal imbalance. 

Going for regular walks, reducing your intake of saturated fats and doing things that relieve stress (laughing, relaxing, reading, edging) can help with circulation, stress and blood pressure. Remember, you are beautiful at any size, and you don’t necessarily need to lose weight to improve your health! Just get that blood pumping and that blood pressure down!

 

Find support:

Instead of endlessly searching the internet for terrifying diagnosis, find chat rooms and online threads and support groups for those dealing with erection issues. 

It is important to know you aren’t alone, and you may find great references and advice from others. 

We are doing a webinar on this exact topic, so you can also find quality information!

Erection issues and impotence in general are stigmatized, and there is no reason this should continue. 

There are so many variables at play with our wonderful, dynamic bodies, and as a generally ableist society, it is widely accepted that penises need to be hard to have amazing sex lives. 

This simply isn’t true, so if you struggle with erection issues that don’t seem to go away, know that you can have a satisfying sex life. Find out more from our webinar or schedule a session. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.