What Do 50 Year Old Men Want In Bed

What Do 50 Year Old Men Want In Bed

 

If you’re in your 50’s and started a relationship, you are probably asking yourself what do 50 year old men want in bed. Understanding what your partner needs in bed is crucial for any relationship to work. A man in his 50’s is not much different from men of other ages, yet there are a few things that differentiate them from the rest of the male population. 

In this article, you will find all the specific traits that 50 year old men want to see in bed from their sexual partner. Before we dive into these valuable tips, keep in mind that there is one aspect that will affect how well you two get along in the bedroom, and that’s open communication. Share your likes and dislikes and ask him what his preferences are. A good conversation is often the best start to beautiful experiences. 

1.Love Yourself First

As much as confidence and self-love are vital for any relationship we decide to build in our lives, the lack of it at this age will be a turn-off for most of the men in their 50’s. An older man will find it difficult to connect with a woman who has low self-confidence. After you’ve experienced a bunch of ups and downs, you should already be comfortable with who you are. Embrace your body and personality, and allow yourself to experience something beautiful where you can be yourself.

2. Intimacy Over Sex

You might assume that men, and especially older men, are looking only for sex. As much as women, men like to enjoy the act of sex and maybe some of them will need it more often than most women do, yet each of them prefers intimacy over sex. So, you should aim for intimacy if you’re dating a 50 year old man. He wants to feel close to you and the best way to be intimate is to take your time when having sex. 

3. Be Playful

There might be different personalities when talking about men in their 50’s, yet they all like playful, confident women. Playing in bed, exploring each other’s bodies, understanding what you both like, and just having fun is what every 50 year old man will want. Many things should be taken seriously in life, and sex is not one of them. Try to be more creative and open to different options, positions and places as you definitely won’t regret it. 

4. Take Initiative

When you were younger, you might have waited for a man to ask for your number, invite you for dinner or initiate sex, however, now, that’s not that sexy. You are a self-sufficient woman who knows how to get what she wants, and if she wants a man, she knows how to get his attention. If you’re in a relationship with an older man, he will be more than happy if you initiate sex as well. Making him feel desired and attractive to you is more powerful than any other aphrodisiac on the planet. 

5. Take Him Out Of Bed

When talking about you initiating sex, how about you take it one or more steps further – literary? You can do it on the counter, against the wall, on your balcony, in the shower, or somewhere outside your home. You can even take him to a location you have found and plan a romantic picnic for the two of you and then surprise him with a little bit of action. If you’re not a fan of outdoor sex, you can still spice things up in the comfort of your home. 

6. Show Him His Your Hero

The same way you can’t completely revel in sex when you’re not at your best, he struggles with the same. Complimenting your man on how he fixed your dishwasher or how he painted the walls of your house goes a long way. And, you can compliment him on more than just the chores. You can also thank him for being such a great listener or show how impressed you are with the relationship he has with his kids. Showing you’re noticing his strengths will make him feel better about himself and of course, your relationship. Not to mention that he will also be motivated to give you a compliment or two.

7. Don’t Be Quick To Judge

If your sexual partner shares a fantasy he wants to try out with you, don’t judge him. You will make him feel bad about his suggestion and he will not be motivated to share his intimate thoughts with you. The same goes for any other aspects of his life. Don’t judge him for sleeping an hour later than usual as his work might be more stressful than usual. Don’t make him feel bad just because you see or hear something you dislike. Instead, talk to him to understand his reasons behind it and you will easily find the solution. 

8. Be His Friend

We’ve talked about intimacy, open-mindedness and taking initiative, yet all of these things come short if you are not friends. It’s difficult to be attracted to a person for a longer period if they are not significant to you. Try building that relationship the same way you do with your new friends. Talk about hopes, fears, hobbies, opinions, and everything else you usually share with your friends. This will significantly improve your sex life and the attraction you feel for one another. 

9. For More, Ask Him

We are all different and if you are doing all of the things above, why not simply ask him? By showing you want to please him in bed, he will see how important he is for you and that you are willing to do work on your relationship. When talking about sex, make sure you start the conversation by sharing your desires and asking for his feedback. By simply asking him a bunch of questions related to sex, he might feel attacked or as he might think he is not good enough for you. Show him that he means a lot to you and that you want to make sure you are both enjoying your relationship. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Male Version of Mistress

What is The Male Version of Mistress? 

What is The Male Version of Mistress? 

 

The male version of mistress is called a Master or known as a Dominant. 

A Pro Dom or Master may be rare to find, yet they exist. 

Sometimes, if you are looking to pay for this male version of a mistress, it is illegal. 

However, you can and will find a male version of a mistress if you look long enough on the internet.

There are apps and websites for kinksters that are looking due to the true desire of it all. 

For those who want some level of discretion, consider fetlife.com and make an unidentifiable profile. 

Build a profile, and change your age and location. Be sure to include your gender and define what you are looking for. Only message profiles that resonate with you.  

Be mindful that kink and power dynamics do not have to be sexual. Yet they are a relationship form that is powerful and needs to be negotiated. 

The male version is a mistress – a mister – could be sensual, sexual, or psychological. Some individuals find pleasure in a particular clothing material, while other people (or parts of people) find giving control or decision-making to another individual liberating.

Another reason that individuals seek out male versions of a mistress are because individuals love the certainty and trust that comes from giving another “control” for a period of time when they feel overwhelmed. 

Whereas others enjoy roleplaying as a way of expressing a part of themselves that they cannot be vulnerable with others. 

None of these reasons are particularly sexual, as there is not any form of genital contact, touch, or orgasm. However, “kink dynamics” where you seek out a mistress or master help us play with our senses, emotions, the neurobiology in our body, and thus our headspace. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Best Male Sex Toys

Best Male Sex Toys in 2021

Best Male Sex Toys in 2021

 

Lately, we have been asked to write a list of the best male sex toys for cis men and trans women. 

Even though many think they know the best male sex toys, they are often missing fun toys we consider in 2021!

We define male sex toys in this blog as toys that are designed to use on bodies with penises.

The Cock Ring

The beginner state of male sex play starts to give the penis the idea of what could be better or more interesting to up level intimacy. 

Penis rings or cock rings are essentially a ring (sometimes with multiple loops) that goes around the base of your penis (and if there are extra loops, those would go around the testicles). 

Supposedly, the tighter the sex toy ring, the more that the blood flow that goes into your penis is restricted. 

The result is the best feeling for many, as they report longer-lasting erections and more intense orgasms. Cock rings come in a variety of colors and sizes. 

Some of the cock rings have padded silicone to prevent any irritations from the vibrations. It is a great teaser product during PVI (penis vagina intercourse) sex. As it allows just part of the penis to do the actual penetration. 

Prostate Massager

A prostate massager is just that. It’s placed around the anus or inserted into the anus. The toy has several different settings on it that range in speed and intensity. If you’re an anal sex pro, go all out. If you’re new to this game, take it slow and remember to use lube.

Best Male Sex Toys

Some prostate massages are inventive. There are some available for sale now that have another section that’s placed and designed to massage your perineum. The sensitive area of skin between your anus and your scrotum.

Consider that using a prostate massager on yourself may add new sensations. It could also be fun with a partner taking turns and using the remote to control pleasure.

The Fleshlight

The fleshlight is undoubtedly the most famous male sex toy out there. If you don’t know it, the fleshlight is a brand.

 

It is so famous that an entire sex toy category is known by this term. Another name you’ll often here is “pocket pussies.”

 

The fleshlight gets its name because it’s designed to look like a common flashlight. However, when you pop the top off, the pleasure begins.

Best Male Sex Toys

Sex toy manufacturers have even designed fleshlights to specific measurements to simulate a certain level of tightness.

Also, these toys come in starter packs that include lubrication and other accessories to clean It. You insert your penis into the rubber orifice and masturbate with it on.

Anal Plugs

Anal plugs, or butt plugs, can be enjoyed by everyone. Basic plugs are made from metal, silicone, or some other material. They are inserted into the anus to offer a constant stream of stimulation.

Many butt plugs include vibrating tips and even remote controls that your partner can use to change vibration speed and tempo.

 

Best Male Sex Toys

Water-based Lubricant

Water-based lubricants are typically recommended for use with male sex toys. The reason is that they do less harm and leave less residue once you’re finished. 

There are excellent water-based lubes on the sex toy market. However, silicone could work at times. Be mindful to clean them after!

 

Blow Job Toys

People with a penis that have been masturbating the same way for years can check out blow job toys. 

Modern blow job toys simulate getting a real blow job. The openings are shaped like a mouth and the design is meant to mirror the stimulation of swallowing or penetration.

They come in both reusable, disposable models and several different shapes. Similarly, you can purchase electric models that require a plug. Some use batteries too, so consider buying extra.

Overall, the important thing with blow job toys is to choose one that fits the penis tightly to increase pleasure.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

Now, LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Cisgender

What Does Cisgender Mean?

What Does Cisgender Mean?

 

If you are on the mobile app dating scene, you have likely come across the term “cisgender.” 

Whether it is cisgender, straight male or cisgender queer woman, there seem to be endless labels to self-identify.

Let’s go through the basics of gender identity vs sex vs sexuality to gain a deeper understanding of the term cisgender.

 

Mirriam Webster’s Definition of “Cisgender”:

 “Of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.”

This means that if a baby is born, and the doctor assigns them as “male” based on them having a penis or “female” based on them having a vagina, and the person identifies with how they were assigned at birth, they are cisgender, or cis for short.

gender expression

What is Gender?

To better understand and contextualize the term “cisgender,” let’s look at what gender even is.

Gender is a social construct around the “rules” of what is considered masculine and feminine. It is how you identify on the spectrum of these characteristics and is more about how you feel internally than what genitals you have.

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of different gender identities, though in the mainstream up until recently we only had “male” and “female”, aka the gender binary. Now there are people who even identify as being nonbinary, agender or genderqueer. The definition can vary from person to person, though basically it means they do not identify with either spectrum of the gender binary.

When someone lists their pronouns, this is based on their gender identity, which is the way they feel inside about their identity in the context of society’s ideals of masculine and feminine.

 

What is Sex?

Sex is a collection of biological markers and attributes that the scientific community has designated to describe a person’s gender in the past, though now it is becoming more common to not let someone’s biological sex determine their gender identity.

The truth is, even sex isn’t black and white. There are genitals, hormones, chromosomes and other characteristics that can vary wildly, and to not acknowledge that sex and gender are separate excludes folks who are born with ambiguous sex characteristics, otherwise known as people who are intersex.

Your sex is how a member of the medical community would likely describe your physical, biological body, and is not indicative of gender expression. There are men with vaginas, women with penises, and everything and anyone in between.

 

What is Sexuality?

Sexuality is the easiest to understand: it’s about who you do (and don’t) want to have sex with. Someone can be cisgender and gay, because your gender does not dictate your sexuality. Someone can also be transgender and straight, again the two are unrelated.

Sexuality is also said to be on a spectrum, such as the infamous Kinsey Scale. Though it is becoming out of date, it was revolutionary for its time and made the world reconsider the idea of straight and gay, and the wonderful world of sexualities in between, including people who are asexual. They may not want sex at all, or under very specific circumstances!

 

Cisnormativity

Since we live in a colonial, heteronormative culture, the culture is also largely cisnormative, meaning the “default” has always been to assume people are cisgender. It is important for us to consider in which ways we subconsciously enforce cisnormativity, making the world a less inviting place for folks who are not cis.

Some examples include always using the terms “ladies and gentlemen” when addressing a group, or terms like “guys” or “policeman/woman”. Using gender neutral terms for group situations ensures that you have everyone covered with respect. Try using terms like “folks”, “friends”, or for professions that are gendered there are usually alternatives, such as “server” instead of waiter or waitress, or “police officer” instead of policeman or policewoman.

Learning the differences between sex, sexuality and gender have hopefully helped you understand what it means to identify as cisgender, and be a better ally to our nonbinary, trans and two spirit friends.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

 

The 2020 post election anxiety has contributed to an incredibly stressful time for many of us. 

As we gear up for the holiday season during COVID, I thought it pertinent to write about ways to communicate about post election anxiety with various individuals around many important topics.

Most of my sessions the last week or two (minimum) have focused predominantly on the election:

  • whether that was the stress of the outcome
  • human rights concerns 
  • communication on different perspectives and opinions with those around them
  • fear of police brutality
  • fear of civil war or violence within communities
  • issues surrounding boundaries. 

Although I could write a whole post about the election itself and the various observations I have, I imagine that it would be more helpful to hear tricks and tips to navigate this rather than to hear me “rant.” 

 

Check yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Most of all, it is important to remember to check your privilege. 

What do I mean by that? 

Well, the more privilege you have, the more difficult it may be for you to relate to someone who has a different privilege status (i.e a different set of barriers). 

For instance if you are a white, cisgender, middle class, heterosexual woman, you have a different level of privilege compared to someone who is a multiracial, transgender man who lives pay check to pay check. 

I share this because for people of various communities, there were significant policy and human rights issues on the line. 

So if you are coming from different privilege spaces it’s important for you to notice if safety was on the ballot for you this year. 

Safety can look like the right to marry, the right to walk on the street, financial security, health care, rights over your body, etc. 

There are many examples, and these are just BRIEF examples of what that might look like.

I share this because so many of my clients have shared either struggling to understand some levels of reactivity from certain people in their lives or the lack of understanding and compassion. 

One of the main issues I have seen are clients feeling like people are not understanding the level of safety and harm that can be done with specific policies. 

So please be aware that recognizing your privilege in conversations is important

 

Take a Deep Breath… Slow Down!

In heated conversations it is important to to take a deep breath and I tell many of my clients “slow the F*** down.” 

I say this because when we are not breathing, we are literally unable to hear or speak in a way that is effective or productive. 

Our body literally starts to go into survival mode which depending on our lived experience can throw us into what I like to call a “trauma tornado” or get you a “ticket on the trauma train” which is my silly way of saying a “trauma spiral.” 

Breathing is so important. So just breathe. Post Election Anxiety

Slow down. 

Take a breathe (inhale) for 1….2….3….4. 

And hold it for 1….2….3….4. 

Then exhale breath for 1….2….3….4. 

Then hold for 1….2….3….4. 

If you practice this daily, it will help you have more control over your body and breath, and thus, it will allow you to engage in the moment in diaphragmatic breathing. 

In my experience (personally and professionally), when we do not do this we lose our ability to remain in the conversation and be within our integrity. 

 

Seek to Understand Rather than Be Understood

This one is a little bit complicated and nuanced as the first one was. 

Seek to understand means to ask questions and use curiosity. 

If you are in a curious space, you are able to be in a space of learning which puts your brain in a different focus and allows you to try to understand (not agree) with whomever you are speaking with. 

When we seek to understand, people can feel less defensive or critical.

When people are in a defensive or critical position we are leaning into an argument style of communication or what will likely be an ineffective conversation. 

When we seek to understand, we seek to collaborate with who we are working with, rather than convincing someone. 

So often in therapy, I watch people act as if I am the judge and they are in front of me and each other to convince the other that they are right. 

When we are focused on being right rather than understanding no one “wins.” And again if we are focused on “being right” or “winning” the argument that is not about connection or compassion that is about disconnection, shame, and/or rejection. Also, if we are focused on winning or only being understood… that is not usually helpful or productive.

Validation. It’s a buzz word in our culture and in therapy. And this is a BIG part of seeking to understand rather than be understood. Validation is about hearing the other person NOT AGREEING. 

Let’s say that again for those in the back…

Validation is about hearing and understanding someone’s perspective. NOT AGREEING.

So validating someone’s perspective is not agreeing with their point of view. At.All. It is about showing the person that you were listening and not just in your head thinking about a response (Guilty! I have done that… not my best strategy!). Validation is reflecting back to someone what they said in order to show that you are listening… or seeking to understand them.

The reason these things are important is because it allows the conversation the best opportunity and chance to not end in an explosion.

If you are still with us and want to learn more, stay tuned for our Friday download about how to communicate when you have post election stress.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues

 

Sex Therapist ANSWERS How to know if you have erection issues! And issues about ejaculation and ejaculate. This will answer your questions.

So, you are here because you want to know how to know if you have erection issues.

You may be asking yourself “How to know if you have erection issues” just like many of our viewers have done! Because  How to know if you have erection issues is so specific, I am going to give you the real talk… 6 TIPS … like a cheat sheet to the answer!

In this video I will answer “How to know if you have erection issues” and if you think your marriage is not surviving and you need more intimacy, I am giving you my “Pleasure Practice E Guide”

How to know if you have erection issues… answered by a certified sex therapist!

Concerned about your ejaculation?

So are MANY of my clients!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist, shares her tips to success! Watch now!

 

Watch now:

 

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“Solutions for Erection and Ejaculation Issues”

Webinar on Sunday, August 23rd at 7 PM EST

Sign up for the Webinar

_____________________________________________________________________

  • Is your anxiety getting in the way of your sex?
  • Are you performing at optimum levels?
  • Are you struggling with getting physically aroused with your long-term partner?
  • If porn seems to be the only thing that turns you on, it is time to update your performance and pleasure techniques so your mind can control your body.

 

Through systemic, Tantra sex therapy techniques, you will learn new ways to connect with your partner.

 

This Webinar will help you:

  • Provide psychoeducation to assess if you or your partner has erectile dysfunction.
  • Understand the systemic shame in the inability to obtain and maintain erections.
  • Obtain specific suggestions to solve the emotional distress or embarrassment of ejaculating before desired.

Bonus for signing up, you will receive:

  • 1 FREE email question to Amanda
  • Recording of live program
  • Document on Parts Theory – Amanda’s life hack for fantasy in long-term romantic relationships

 

Sign up for the Webinar

Hurry, reserve your spot today!

Webinar is 60 minutes with Q&A

Cost: $49

Must be 18 or older

A webinar recording will be provided

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Erection Issues

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues: A Checklist!

How To Know If You Have Erection Issues: A Checklist!

 

If you’re feeling uncertain or embarrassed about erectile dysfunction, this checklist will tell you how to know if you have erection issues. 

After all, sometimes it is just an off night, and sometimes it just isn’t happening- no matter how turned on you are, no matter how sexy the situation. 

It can be frustrating and shameful, and I want you to realize it is actually quite common. 

Some research says that 15 to 30 million people with penises have erection issues in some form at any given time. 

The causes can be physiological or psychological, and many causes of erectile dysfunction can be treated with mindset rephrames, lifestyle changes, and even medication changes. 

The recurrence of erectile dysfunction also increases with age, though people of any age can have it. 

The main thing to remember is that you have no need to be embarrassed, and there is no need to give up on an amazing, fulfilling sex life if you struggle with erection issues!

 

Who Can Help You With Erection Issues

If you’re wondering how to know if you have erection issues, you may want to chat with your medical doctor. 

As erection issues can be a symptom of more serious conditions, it is worth ruling out potential health risks. 

If the doctor clears you medically, your erection issues may be the result of a past psychological trauma or current pattern of behaviors. 

At that time, the help of a clinical sexologist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, or someone who specializes in systemic therapy may be helpful.

 

Symptoms of Erection Issues

Some of the basic symptoms of erection issues or erectile dysfunction include:

  •   Frequent and persistent trouble getting an erection
  •   Frequent and persistent trouble keeping an erection
  •   Low libido

None of these are particularly fun, though it is important to keep track of your erection issues and ask yourself: is this something that happens almost every time I try to have sex, or is it just a blip?

  •   Do you get hard easily while masturbating? Your issues may be intimacy or psychologically based.
  •   Do you struggle to get hard most of the time, even when sexually aroused/horny? You may have physical health problems that need investigating!

As with most things, self-diagnosis can only go so far, so use this checklist to get started on the frequency and context of your erection issues. This will help you discuss in detail with a professional.

 

Health Concerns That Are Related to Erection Issues

The penis is a vascular organ and requires uninhibited blood flow to create and maintain an erection. 

It makes sense that any health condition that affects how your blood flows or affects your nerves/neurons will impact your erections!

 In fact, many cardiologists refer to erectile dysfunction as the “canary in the coal mine” as a warning symptom of heart issues. 

Our bodies are a holistic system of organs, blood vessels, muscles, nerves and tissues, and health problems rarely affect only one area of the body!

The mind and body are also intrinsically connected, and any problems you may be having psychologically can affect your erections in unexpected ways. 

Some medical issues that can cause chronic or temporary erection issues include:

  •   Heart Disease
  •   Atherosclerosis (clogged blood vessels)
  •   High Blood Pressure
  •   Obesity or weight gain
  •   Diabetes or Parkinsons
  •   Multiple Sclerosis or autoimmune issues 
  •   Estrogen 
  •   Tobacco use
  •   Alcoholism & substance abuse
  •   Medications (including yet not limited to prostate cancer/enlarged prostate, antihistamines, cancer treatment, or blood pressure). 
  •   Penis injury
  •   Hormone issues such as low testosterone or high cortisol

Some examples of psychological problems that may cause erectile dysfunction include:

  •   Mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD
  •   Stress or disconnection 
  •   Chronic exhaustion
  • Comparing partnered sex to solo sex (or masturbation)
  • Using pornography as sex education
  • Grief or sudden life changes
  •   Relationship stresses
  •   Unrealistic relationship expectations

 

What Can You Do About Erection Issues?

Seek help:

The most important first step in addressing erection issues is to give yourself a pat on the back for seeking help. You deserve an awesome sex life, and erection issues are not a sign of weakness or make you any less “manly” (if that is how you identify). It can be frustrating, and know that health professionals see this DAILY! Really… ALL. THE. TIME! So don’t be embarrassed! Get help from your family doctor, urologist or therapist to not only treat the issue with possible medications, but the root of the issue in your mind.  

 

Confide in your partner(s):

If you have a close, personal relationship with a supportive partner, it can be a relief to share your frustrations and fears. This can be especially helpful if they feel they may be at fault. 

If attraction is not the issue for you, reassure them that you find them attractive and sexy. If you suspect your erection issues stem from something psychological or traumatic, perhaps explore sharing those thoughts and feelings with your partner in a safe, guided environment such as with a sex therapist.

 

Adjust your lifestyle:

your doctor may advise you to adjust your lifestyle. If you’ve gained a lot of new weight around the midsection, your heart may be working harder to circulate blood and you could be at the mercy of hormonal imbalance. 

Going for regular walks, reducing your intake of saturated fats and doing things that relieve stress (laughing, relaxing, reading, edging) can help with circulation, stress and blood pressure. Remember, you are beautiful at any size, and you don’t necessarily need to lose weight to improve your health! Just get that blood pumping and that blood pressure down!

 

Find support:

Instead of endlessly searching the internet for terrifying diagnosis, find chat rooms and online threads and support groups for those dealing with erection issues. 

It is important to know you aren’t alone, and you may find great references and advice from others. 

We are doing a webinar on this exact topic, so you can also find quality information!

Erection issues and impotence in general are stigmatized, and there is no reason this should continue. 

There are so many variables at play with our wonderful, dynamic bodies, and as a generally ableist society, it is widely accepted that penises need to be hard to have amazing sex lives. 

This simply isn’t true, so if you struggle with erection issues that don’t seem to go away, know that you can have a satisfying sex life. Find out more from our webinar or schedule a session. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

male sex toys

Male Sex Toys

Male Sex Toys

 

It’s a common mistake that people with penises often make – they think toys are for other people and that there aren’t male sex toys. If they’re going to use a toy, it’s going to be used on someone they’re having sex with.

This approach is obviously very narrowminded because there are some great male sex toys out there. 

Yes, that’s what they’re still called in stores and online. 

Here, we know this means that these toys are designed for use on bodies with penises.

I love working with clients who are in the beginning stages of sex play with toys. It’s opening up a new, fun, erotic sexual layer they haven’t yet discovered or spent time with. Toys bring out some kink, and that’s always a great idea!

Granted, male sex toys don’t get the shine that the rest of the sex toy market does. That can change, though, and more companies are innovating some amazing toys that will elevate your intimacy.

Here are some of the basic and best sex toys out there right now. Some of these are designed to be used solo, some of them together, and some of them are up to you. Sex toys are where creativity pays off.

 

male sex toys

Penis Rings

Penis rings sometimes referred to as cock rings, are essentially a ring that goes around the base of your penis. The tighter the ring, the more that the blood flow inside your penis is restricted. This often results in longer-lasting erections and more intense orgasms.

Penis rings come in a huge variety. Some of them vibrate, there are all sorts of colors and shapes, and they even come in edible versions. If you’re new to the cock ring game, try out some basic silicone rings. You can usually buy them in a set that comes with a few different shapes and textures. Have some fun and go from there.

 

Prostate Massager

A prostate massager is just that. It’s placed around the anus or inserted into the anus. The toy has several different settings on it that range in speed and intensity. If you’re an anal sex pro, go all out. If you’re new to this game, take it slow and remember to use lube.male sex toys

Some prostate massages are inventive. There are some available for sale now that have another section that’s placed and designed to massage your perineum, the sensitive area of skin between your anus and your scrotum.

You can use a prostate massage on yourself as you masturbate and it’s a ton of fun with a partner taking turns and using the remote to control how intense their pleasure is.

 

The Fleshlight

The fleshlight is undoubtedly the most famous male sex toy out there. The fleshlight is a brand, and it’s so famous that an entire sex toy category, rubber vaginas, is referred to by that term. Another name you’ll often hear is pocket pussies. The fleshlight gets its name because it’s designed to look like a common flashlight. Pop the top off, though, and that’s where the fun begins.male sex toys

Sex toy manufacturers are pulling out all of the stops with male sex toys. You can design a fleshlight to very specific measurements to simulate a certain level of tightness or even one of your lover’s vaginas.

These toys come in starter packs that include lubrication and other accessories. You insert your penis into the rubber vagina and masturbate with it on.

 

Anal Plugs

male sex toys

Anal plugs, or butt plugs, can be enjoyed by everyone. Basic plugs are made from metal, silicone, or some other material and are inserted into the anus and left there to offer a constant stream of stimulation.

Many butt plugs include vibrating tips and even remote controls that your partner can use to change vibration speed and tempo.

 

Water-based Lubricant

Water-based lubricants are typically recommended for use with male sex toys because they do less harm and leave less residue once you’re finished. Silicon-based lubricants that are commonly found on condoms and other materials degrade over time.

There are some excellent water-based lubes on the sex toy market that will facilitate whatever you’re trying to do with your toy without that filmy, slimy feel that some other lubricants leave around whenever you’re done.

 

Penis Pumps

male sex toys

If you’ve watched pornography, you’ve likely seen web ads touting penis enlargement. Some of them may include some type of pump where, after use, a penis grows exponentially.

While claims about easy penis enhancement should be approached with suspicion, there is some sexual performance value to be gained from using a penis pump.

Penis pumps are a device people use to overcome erectile dysfunction. The pump goes over the penis and air is pumped into a cartridge that drives more blood to the penis. The increased blood makes your penis larger for short amounts of time.

All it takes is a quick pump session before you’re about to have sex. It could help you stay erect and keep your partner satisfied for longer.

 

Sex Dolls

Ok, so years ago sex dolls were something embarrassing and using dolls was much more underground. Today, there are some very interesting things going on in the sex doll world.

Doll makers are creating incredibly lifelike toys with all body shapes based on customer specifications. You can buy rubber sex dolls, silicone sex dolls, portions of sex dolls with just the butt and a vagina, or one with a full torso as well.

 

Blow Job Toys

People with a penis who have been masturbating the same way for years should check out some of the new blow job toys for sale.

Modern blow job toys simulate getting a real blow job. The openings are shaped like a mouth and the design is meant to mirror the stimulation of swallowing or penetration.

They come in both reusable and disposable models, and several different mouth shapes. You can purchase electric models that require a plug but make masturbating easier. Some use batteries too.

The important thing with blow job toys is to choose one that fits your penis tightly to increase pleasure and make the feeling more realistic.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Chronic Masturbation

What Is Chronic Masturbation?

What Is Chronic Masturbation?

 

One of the keys to understanding chronic masturbation and why it can be harmful is knowing what it is. You may be wondering; how often do you have to masturbate for it to be classified as “chronic”? However, chronic masturbation isn’t simply masturbating a lot.

Like other behaviors, there’s no way to say a set amount of doing something is harmful because everyone’s different. A person may enjoy masturbating a lot and it doesn’t get in the way of their life.

On the other hand, we label chronic masturbation as something that often causes anxiety and sexual performance issues to the point where it’s difficult or even prevents you from orgasming with a partner.

Some people who struggle with chronic masturbation need, indeed absolutely require outside stimulants like pornography to achieve orgasm.

In short, masturbation becomes something other than a positive sexual expression or stress reliever. It becomes a ritual, to the point sometimes of becoming an addiction, that takes away from other aspects of your sexual and non-sexual life.

 

Recognizing Chronic Masturbation

Chronic Masturbation

Even though chronic masturbation may be difficult to define in terms of quantity or frequency because everyone is different, it’s easy to spot when you see it in yourself or a partner.

The basic baseline is when masturbation is used instead of a sexual connection with your partner.

This isn’t like you’ve had a hard day of work, so you’d prefer to skip sex today and spend some time along with your hand. That’s perfectly normal and something most people feel from time to time.

I’m referring to when you sacrifice meaningful sexual interaction regularly to participate in a masturbatory ritual that leaves you unfulfilled.

Chronic masturbation also occurs when people with penises fail to maintain an erection during sex or people with vaginas can get stimulated by their sexual partners. The person becomes reliant on checking the boxes of their ritual, which usually involves viewing pornography or visualizing certain fantasies to achieve orgasm.

 

Fixing Chronic Masturbation

The good news is that there is help for people, and I’m referring to all people involved in a relationship with a partner who struggles with chronic masturbation as well. Once identified, a sex therapist can work with clients to adjust behaviors so that masturbation resumes its normal healthy role in people’s lives. A licensed sex therapist can develop techniques that help along the way.

One of the critical factors in fixing chronic masturbation is the desire to change. This isn’t obvious for everyone. Sometimes chronic masturbation becomes so engrained in a person’s life that they can’t envision living without it. Their ritual is part of their daily process. They may feel like their entire life will be out of whack if they stop or do something differently.

When people understand how their habits are affecting the people they love, or the ability to love at all, then they can start on the path to change.

This often requires relearning masturbation.

 

Relearning Masturbation

How can you relearn to masturbate? By now, most people have it down pat! We’ve been masturbating so long we know what will turn us on and get us to the finish.

A lot of people can tell what kind of orgasm they’re going to have within the first minute of masturbating. It may be a quick session to get some relief. It also could be the type of masturbation where you settle in for a while, giving yourself some much needed alone time.

Changing a habit that’s so second nature can be difficult.

I find that masturbation rest days are effective. When a person is masturbating very frequently, telling them to do it differently can affect results. They sometimes report back that they couldn’t finish or had a hard time staying focused without their old sequence.

Going without for a few days can reset the body and recharge your sexual receptors. Your body will be more responsive to touch and external stimuli.

I like to tell clients to be present when they masturbate. Many times, it helps to sit or lay in front of a mirror where you can see yourself and what you’re doing.

Touch yourself slowly, and purposefully! Celebrate your body and what it gives you. Practice gratitude for your sexuality and the potential to give and receive touch.

If possible, try to get back to the point of being able to orgasm without pornography or any external stimuli. That may require you to abstain for more than one or two days until your body is ready.

 

Working with Your Partner

Partners play a critical role in changing sexual habits. Now, to be very clear, we are not laying blame or placing responsibility for change on a partner. It is not their fault nor their job to fix someone’s chronic masturbation.

It is, though, important to emphasize that as someone’s partner, you play a part in the overall sexual health of your relationship.

The goal here is to support someone trying to overcome or shift away from chronic masturbation. If you’re the one struggling with chronic masturbation, then you need to try and work to explain how your partner can support you.

That may mean having sex more often. It can also mean trying to up the intensity of your sexual encounters. Incredible, passionate sex is a wonderful motivator. It also brings the two of you together in a connected way that’s undeniable.

Partners should work together to create a healthy sexual dynamic that meets everyone’s needs individually.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Male MASTURBATION Techniques

Sex Therapist ANSWERS “What is Edging” – Male MASTURBATION Techniques!

Sex Therapist ANSWERS “What is Edging” Male MASTURBATION Techniques!

 

So you want to know how to get better at male masturbation techniques?

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining the world of pleasure, learning the answer to “what is edging” and getting new male masturbation techniques!

In this video, I’ll teach you how to love your male masturbation, understand porn, answer “what is edging,” define factors that affect male masturbation, and teach you how to perfect your male masturbation techniques of edging and beyond, even if they are intimated! In no time, you’ll take my advice to use for your own male masturbation technique!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now!

Come Join Us By Clicking Below!

 

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Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success!

Watch now! HOW TO GET OVER SEXUAL ANXIETY FOR MEN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNERd…

VIDEO ON COMMUNICATING YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbZX6

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Amanda Pasciucco has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, and Men’s Health. Learn the answer to “what is edging,” define factors that affect male masturbation,