How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

How to Save Your Marriage

 

We are here to give you strategies on how to save your marriage from a doomed fate. 

There comes a point in marriage when things start to turn a bit sour, and your relationship or marriage ceases to be the ‘happily ever after setting’ it once was. 

At such junctures, where the intimacy you once had with your partner starts to fizzle out, there are a few ways we want to teach you on how to save your marriage: 

  • Focus on positives 
  • Don’t live in the past
  • Don’t forget the good
  • Talk and listen to your spouse
  • Be determined and seek help
  • Learn when to end the marriage

 

Focus on Positives

Your marriage may not be as bad as it seems. Surely, there has got to be an element of positivity still present in your relationship with your spouse.

However, with the myriad of negativities currently overwhelming you, these good sides may be difficult to recognize. Here comes the effort you’ll be making to save your marriage – paying more attention to the good parts.

So, instead of being upset that your spouse is not making as much effort in footing the bills as you are, be grateful that they are also trying their best to see that the bills are paid.

 

Don’t Live In the Past

Maybe your marriage ceased to be blissful after you discovered a not-so-pleasant-thing about your spouse. It could also be that somebody cheated or disrespected the other. Whatever the case may be, you have to let go – if saving your marriage is your goal.

If you keep dwelling on what was done to you in the past, you may never get to experience a blissful future in your marriage. Accept whatever has happened between you and your spouse, forgive, and stay committed to the course of trust and intimacy.

How to Save Your Marriage 

Don’t Forget the Good Things of Yesterday

You must indeed learn to forget whatever hurt you in the past to save your marriage. Yet the things that brought sunshine to your union should not be forgotten with the past.

In fact, conflict and the arrival of children can sometimes get in the way of the intimate things you did with your spouse early in your marriage. Now maybe the right time to start doing those things again.

What are those things you did with your spouse that got you attracted to them? What did they do to brighten your existence, and make you appreciate them more?

This point is the best time for you and your partner to remember those things, and work your way around reviving them in your relationship.

 

Talk to Your Partner and Listen to Them

Sometimes, what you think is a huge, deliberate effort to offend you may be a simple omission by your partner. They may not even be aware of the void that is gradually replacing the love in your marriage.

To help salvage trust and friendship in your marriage, try talking with your partner, and listen to what they have to say. When they open up about their view towards the matter, also make effort to see things from their perspective. This way, you’ll avoid assumptions and re-establish a partnership with your spouse.

 

Be Determined Not to Let Go

At the point where a marriage starts to need fixes and salvage, it can be quite difficult not to think about ending it. Yet if you would rather learn how to save your marriage, you will have to be strongly determined to do so.

You and your partner have to both understand that marriages – just like every other human relationship – will experience tough periods and moments without harmony.

This understanding will help you to stay committed to the institution of marriage even when it seems like the hardest thing to do.

How to Save Your Marriage

 

It Could be Time to Lean Away

When your spouse is no longer meeting your clear expectations, trust and intimacy may dwindle in your marriage. Similarly, if you are overly dependent on your partner, you may start to feel neglected when they frequently fail to meet your needs.

At this point, it will be wise to lean away – not disconnect.

Start to think about doing some of those things yourself, and also consider the fact that your partner is a human being too. It could be that the responsibility is simply weighing them down, and it may not have crossed their minds to talk to you about it.

 

Maybe You Need to Change

One interesting thing about conflict – in marriage, and life – is that the blame is always on the other person. Only a few people would first consider looking inward in a bid to settle a conflict.

If you’re out to save your marriage in the face of a dilemma, try to consider the different ways you could be doing things wrongly. Maybe your responses at different instances were somewhat uncalled for. Or you are probably expecting too much of your spouse.

Simply take out some time to properly analyze the role you’re likely playing to alleviate the state of things in your marriage.

 

Take a Break If You Need to

Without considering or threatening your spouse with divorce, you may want to consider giving your partner some time to come around. Ideally, this period shouldn’t be unreasonably long, and should not come as a way of paying your spouse in their own coin.

Simply consider this break as a time for you and your partner to think deeply about your relationship. It should also be a time to reevaluate and restructure things in your marriage.

 

Think about the Future

Your spouse and their behavior may not be reason enough for you to pick up the pieces of your marriage. Your children, the things you’ve built together, as well as the plans you have for the future can give you the strength to do so.

Think about the effects a divorce or separation would have on your kids and your intended future. In the end, you’ll realize that separation may not be the right answer to your marital troubles.

 

Conclusion

Marriage is a union between two adults – who, ideally, are mature enough to decide as they committed on their wedding day. Hence, the decision to save your marriage can be made and worked upon by you and your partner.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Talk About Marriage

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

 

Have you ever wondered if there is a talk about marriage that could help yours? 

I did back in the day, and I know many of my clients have too! 

The courtship process of dating used to be about testing this exchange in a way. Sometimes now, we bypass courtship for love, then we have marital problems. 

While I bring you videos like, 7 Things That Destroy a Marriage, and then provide you with useful communication techniques that will guide you to recover from those topics, I want to talk about marriage today in a way that will help you improve communication with your partner… even with anyone.

In the book, The Good Marriage, we talk about marriage in four ways: 

 

The Traditional Marriage - roles were very defined. 

  • Back in the day relationships and sexuality were witnessed as  an exchange. The most common exchange in marriage from one partner, often the man, was I will give you my name, my commitment, and finances to shelter you. For the other partner, often the caretaker of the house, to provide children, companionship, and sexual desire.
  • The man would make more money in the house. Deep respect for the distinction of the roles they had. 

 

The Companion Marriage - more friendly. 

  • Ride or die commitment. 
  • Flexible roles with who does what in the marriage. 

 

The Healing Marriage - savior marriage

  • Often in this marriage, both individuals came from trauma and had a deep level of healing to do themselves. 
  • Then, they help their partner to do the same!

 

The Romantic Marriage - the one that had the most vibrant sex life. 

  • Keeping a live story of the couples’ romance. 
  • Often sharing the narrative of how the couple met. Romantic and repeated. 
  • Prioritize dates and adventures to keep the passion and romance alive. 

 

In summary, whatever type of partnership you have, it’s good to talk about it. 

It is especially important to talk about marriage. 

Love is unconditional. Relationships, including marriage, take agreements, collaboration, and commitment! 

On the level of consciousness, we are infinite… yet, we have a finite human body and only one body in this lifetime.

Instead of taking our body and mind to project onto others, let's learn and grow. 

  • The mind is tricky and often projects.
  • Usually when I am in hatred, I am also more likely to act out. 
  • Usually when I am in pain, I can justify my behavior to defend, deflect, and deny.
  • Often, I must do the inner work to choose a new type of communication style with grace, and with accountability. 

While we talk about marriage, may we experience ourselves as bigger, more profound, and more complex. The more intricate, the more passionate!

Adulting and creating safe space for your inner selves to talk about marriage, in the way that most of us did not see modeled growing up! 

Being able to work with our partner to help them self-analyze and assess their choices. 

We don’t want to suppress ourselves or our partners too far, because there is a chance it can turn into self-hate. We want to know the way to include all parts of our psyche into the conversation. 

For me, my world has transformed when I love myself enough to take responsibility without collapsing into overly dramatic feelings of guilt. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


What is my Love Language

What is My Love Language? 5 Keys to Identify Your Desire!

What is My Love Language? 5 Keys to Identify Your Desire!

 

What is my love language you may be asking!

It is worth noting that you and your partner(s) may have a different love language than you and asking what is my love language is only half of the question if you are partnered!

The 5 love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. 

Have you ever reflected upon what is my love language? 

What about your partners’ love language? 

What is my Love Language

 

This can be a helpful tool to evaluate if the way you’re both expressing your love (and receiving love!) is being interpreted as such. 

  • Take a love language quiz together! 
  • Though it may feel kinda cheesy, you can discover a lot about each other!
  • Once you’ve figured out your love languages, talk about how to incorporate it. 

 

1. Words of Affirmation

If you desire to be praised, encouraged or told “I love you” regularly to feel connected to your partner, your love language may be words of affirmation!

The platinum rule trumps the golden rule EVERY TIME! Do unto others what they would have you do unto them (not what you would want done for you). 

 

2.Acts of service

If you desire things like your partner running you a bath, bringing you a hot cup of coffee in the morning while you’re just barely awake, scraping the ice off of your car because they know you hate doing it, this is an act of service. 

 

3.Quality Time

It can be hurtful if your partner is flaky with plans, is distracted or texting during a date or doesn’t seem to be engaged when you’re having conversations. It can make you feel unimportant or like you’re playing second fiddle to other aspects of your partner’s life and they never have time to see you.

 

4.Gifts

Do you like receiving trinkets? If so, you can answer what is my love language with presents! 

 

5.Physical touch

Hugs, cuddles, spanks, and intimate touch can be brought into your lives, depending on the love languages that you connect with most. 

 

What is My Love Language - Sex Edition!

As cliché as it seems, a lack of physical touch and sex in particular can drive partners away, regardless of gender. 

For many people, sex is more than just a pleasurable activity - it is confirmation they are attractive, desired, and loved. 

In the early stages of dating, women usually (not always - this WAS based on older studies when sex research was funded more) enjoy feeling a connection before having sex with a new partner. 

Interestingly, these studies also identified that men (in general, yet not always) desired to have sex to feel an intimate connection. 

How confusing for other sex couples! 

As spouses, you are obviously beyond the nervous excitement of dating, though this can be a gentle reminder that we continuously need to reconnect, check in and grow together. 

Exploring your sexual connection can open the door to deepening your emotional connection. 

After all, great sex requires great communication - a cornerstone of healthy relationships! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

 


Relationship Therapy

What To Expect When You Go To Relationship Therapy

What To Expect When You Go To Relationship Therapy

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT)  is an individual, relationship therapy, and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure skills training provided by licensed systemically-trained psychotherapists. 

It’s time to do some reassessing on the relationships in your life and decide what kind of relationship you really want with your romantic partner. If not, you may end up in relationship therapy when it’s too late. 

Relationship therapy can help those with communication issues, desire discrepancy, and those who have a willingness to learn more. 

So...maybe you want a traditional, equal, or open, or kinky relationship? We know that there are a variety of relationship styles, yet how do you attain the type of relationship that you desire? 

Relationship therapy is a great place to begin, because it is discreet, confidential, and balanced. 

 

How do you go about determining what type of relationship you want? 

Relationship Therapy

Where do you fall on the spectrum above? 

Compare with your partner(s).

This will provide valuable information. 

Once you know what type of relationship you desire, and if all partners are interested in creating that, you can begin to envision piece by piece the steps to get there. 

Some of the plans you can consider, if you don’t want to go to relationship therapy would be a systemic approach (mind, body, feelings, and soul). 

As a couple, it is important to continue to make relationship goals for yourself - that you accomplish as a team! Parenting is one example of how many couples accomplish relationship goals as a team. However, it isn’t quite as specific as relationship therapy for the parts of you that desire erotic and romantic connection. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy is competent with and affirming of all relationship orientations and alternative sexualities, including: 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy provides relationship therapy that is affirming of all gender identities and sexual orientations, including:

  • Lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals and partnerships
  • Queer, transgender, and those individuals and partnerships that are beyond the binary.
  • Partners of transgender and gender expansive individuals

 

Outcomes To Expect from Relationship Therapy: 

  • Learn constructive conversation skills
  • Decrease resentment and increase self-awareness
  • Increase awareness about sexual pleasure and passion.
  • Be more confident with your partner and in yourself 
  • Become more knowledgeable about your needs vs. your strategies to get needs met that create barriers to progress and pleasure.
  • Support partners in becoming clear about what they themselves want for pleasure and how to be more open to receiving that pleasure. 
  • Understand how culture, cultural identity, and intersectionality are related to your behavioral health and your relationship
  • Discuss how our bias, power, and privilege can affect relationships and come up in relationship therapy with the clinician.
  • Describe how communication styles can differ across cultures. 
  • Discuss ways to learn more about one another's intersectional identities as a way to bridge the gap between various sexual styles.

Often, relationship therapy is a solution that can provide valuable advice for this relationship, or the next if you have to consciously complete (end) the relationship. 

 

Here are some example of reviews that demonstrate how LCAT has helped our clients’ relationships:

Relationship Therapy

Relationship Therapy

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Why Couples Therapy Fails

Why Couples Therapy Fails & What To Do About It

Why Couples Therapy Fails & What To Do About It

 

We often get asked why couples therapy fails, and the truth is, most couples have failed long before they get to couples therapy. 

Think about how annoyed you have to be at a partner to even ask them to go to couples therapy. 

And if that doesn’t satisfy you, we will answer the common reasons why couples therapy fails here. 

As a couples therapist, I have seen many couples and/or relationships struggle, replenish, and also fail.

The main reason why couples therapy fails though is something that I studied as a graduate student. 

I even presented on how to ensure couples therapy succeeds at an AAMFT Conference in 2010. 

Many reasons on why couples therapy fails come to therapists making suggestions that don’t work for different types of couples:

  • Egalitarian or traditional marriage
  • Religious or arranged marriages
  • Long distance relationships 
  • Interracial relationships
  • Consensual non-monogamy
  • Polyamory and / or swingers
  • BDSM / kink / fetish sexualities
  • Open arrangements
  • Tantric and spiritual aware partnerships

 

Common couples therapist mistakes:

  • Increased time together isn’t going to work when there is no foundation of trust
  • Increased date nights do not work if the couple has sexual difficulties
  • Reading and doing the love language test is great until one partner is resentful
  • One partner overgives and the other continues to take
  • Discussing symptoms instead of the underlying problem
  • Lack of systemic awareness leading to presenting issue

So how do you ensure that your couples therapist is right for you? 

Instead of asking why does couples therapy fail… especially during a time like a pandemic and a systematic shift in the culture… begin to look for solution-focused answers!

Here are some questions to ask:

  • Do you have any positive reviews written online with clients willing to share their experiences?
  • Are you a marriage and family therapist?
  • What was your undergraduate, graduate, and postgraduate education in? 
  • Do you have a license to practice psychotherapy? 
  • What specific courses have they taken as a couples therapist? 
  • What is their experience in studying sexuality? 
  • Does the couples therapist give homework?
  • What are their expectations and outcomes with clients who do all their homework?

First of all, changing the language from “failing” to “struggling” or “avoiding” or “stuck.”

When we focus on failure, it helps no one and frames our circumstances in a losing situation. 

Generally speaking, couples and couples therapists should work together to identify the willingness to work on the relationship or end the relationship (ideally with a conscious completion). 

Amazing skills to begin before seeking couples therapy is our recommended reading of other blogs we have written, reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg, and The Gottman Institutes resource as they focus on conflict and communication in relationships. 

These tips can help, and yet the best thing to do is to work with a clinician or psychotherapy who has experience in couples therapy success, to help you guide you and your partner in this process to continue or complete your relationship.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


why do marriages fail

Why Do Marriages Fail During Covid?

Why Do Marriages Fail During Covid?

 

We are here to answer “why do marriages fail,” especially for those of you getting divorced during coronavirus. 

During COVID, many marriages have remained in close quarters with limited interaction with others. As a couple’s therapist, I have seen many couples and/or relationships struggling due to quarantine, and I am here to answer why do marriages fail and why are so many couples struggling during this time?

Most marriages and couples have not had to spend this much time with each other ever or since they were in the beginning stages of their relationship when hormones 

Why Do Marriages Fail

were raging.

Generally why marriages fail is due to a struggle in: 

  • Communication
  • Sex
  • Finances
  • Parenting
  • Differences in political beliefs
  • Expectations about the future or priorities

During COVID, why marriages fail and couples struggle is because these categories (communication, sex, finances, etc) have become exacerbated.

As with many things, why marriages fail boils down to communication. If couples were not communicating well before the pandemic, it is more than likely that that has not improved due to:

  • Increased time together
  • Increased stress
  • Limited outside contact with others
  • Limited ability to be outside the home and/or living area
  • Limited ability to see one another if they do not live together
  • Changes in work expectations
  • Telecommuting or helping kids complete school work
  • Lack of privacy
  • Conflict with other close relationships

 

What Can Couples Do?

First of all, changing the language from “failing” to “struggling” or “not working out.” When we focus on failure it does not help. 

Generally speaking, couples should work together to identify if they have the willingness to try to work on the relationship or end the relationship (ideally with a conscious completion). If both partners are willing to try to work through these struggles or difficulties it is usually enlist a third party to help (professional) whether that's a therapist, coach, or religious member who provides counseling.

Within COVID (and also generally), boundaries are paramount. Being able to have boundaries around work, the relationship, family time, date time, etc. When we do not do this then we set our relationship up to truly have difficulty. Boundaries are helpful and within COVID, these are incredibly important, as there is limited privacy or socialization happening outside the home. 

Why Do Marriages Fail

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION! 

We communicate even when we do not intend to, which means both verbal and nonverbal. We do a whole lot of communication, so if you are communicating with your partner(s) then you may want to consider doing it most effectively. 

This is something that can be coached in sessions with therapists and coaches and finding strong resources. 

For those of you who are here to answer “why do marriages fail,” especially during coronavirus, I hope you have gotten some useful information.

I would recommend reading other blogs written in LCAT, reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg, and The Gottman Institutes resource as they focus on conflict and communication in relationships. 

These tips can help and the best thing to do is to work with a professional who can help you guide you in this process or work collaboratively with your partner to have a conscious completion (intentional, collaborative end to the relationship).

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


my husband hate me

I Think My Husband Hates Me & How To Solve It!

I Think My Husband Hates Me & How To Solve It!

 

If you have been feeling neglected, resented and anxious in your marriage, you may be thinking to yourself I think my husband hates me.

No marriage is picture perfect, and it could even be possible that he feels the same way about you! So instead of jumping to the conclusion “my husband hates me”, let’s look at why you may be feeling that way. Hatred and resentment can of course arise in marriages, though rarely out of the blue. 

“He is always choosing time with the guys instead of time with me!”

You may be feeling neglected if your hubby is choosing to spend time with the bros All. The. Time. This is understandable! 

While there is nothing wrong with him wanting time with his friends- friendships outside of a relationship are healthy and should be encouraged- it doesn’t have to be a battle of friends vs. wife. 

As with every relationship issue, communication is crucial. Here are some ideas of where he might be coming from with this behavior, and some suggestions to open up communication:

  • He may feel overwhelmed by the daily minutia of chores, bills and routine
  • He may feel like you are mothering him
  • He may just need time with other men
  • He may be stressed by financial or personal concerns and need a distraction
  • He may just want to connect with people who share his hobbies

Remember, one person cannot be everything to everyone, though as his spouse you shouldn’t have to feel neglected! Try opening up:

  • Ask him directly if something is wrong! He may be hurt by something you’ve overlooked, it can save a lot of time if you directly ask what’s going on. 
  • Say how much you love him and wish you could spend more time together. Does he feel like you spend enough time together? Are you having enough sex and fun, or have you become roommates? 
  • Tell him how hurtful it is when he ditches plans with you for plans with the guys. Does this information surprise him or does he seem unphased? He may just not understand and need to be told directly that his actions are hurtful. 
  • Both of you can share what you enjoy doing as a couple, and plan to do more of those things. This could be games, favorite tv shows, sports, cooking- any activity you enjoy doing together! 
  • Offer to host the next guy's night at your home- this may put your mind at ease if you know what they’re up to, though don’t feel the need to spy. This is about letting your husband know you care about his friendships. 

My Husband Hates Me

Likely, he just needs to blow off some steam and as a couple you can shake up the routine to be more fun. You’ll never know until you talk about it with each other!

“He is always giving me dirty looks, rolling his eyes and scowls at me”

It can be super hurtful if someone you love is giving you dirty looks- it feels like instant rejection and like they don’t care about your feelings. 

Think back to when you were a teenager and I’m sure you gave many of those looks to people around you, especially authority figures! Some reasons he may be giving you dirty looks:

  • You’re nagging him. Is this something you’ve asked him to do already, and he has said he will do it? Is there a reason you feel the need to remind him?
  • You’ve broached a no-go topic. Does he have any traumas and sensitivities you are unknowingly or knowingly bringing up? 
  • He is insulted. Did you say something critical about his job, his body, his family or his finances? While you should never be a doormat, criticism needs to come from a healthy, constructive and supportive place- not making fun of his belly, ranting about his sister’s money issues or telling him he’s a loser for not getting a better job. 
  • A difference of values. This is a very political day and age, and if you hold vastly different opinions about politics and social issues you’re probably both doing some eye rolling at each other! You may not have known how different your opinions are until now. 
  • He’s frustrated. Everyone gets frustrated. Ask him why. 

 

If it is a constant issue, it is wise to seek counseling. You shouldn’t be made to feel disliked in your own home, especially from someone you are building a life with, and he shouldn’t have to feel so frustrated and annoyed. There may be a solution to be found!

“So…does my husband hate me?”

It is impossible to know unless you communicate about it! He may not hate you- though he may feel resentment, rejection, or frustrations and these can all be addressed through communication and counseling. 

Chances are, this is a bump in the road that can be solved. There is also a chance that he is completely unaware of how his actions are affecting you! Asking yourself “does my husband hate me” is way less effective than simply opening up the conversation- though it may be awkward and difficult, it is always worthwhile!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


5 Labor Languages

5 Love Language Quiz replaced by 5 Labor Languages in Relationships

5 Love Language Quiz replaced by 5 Labor Languages in Relationships

 

Have you heard about 5 Labor Languages?

You may be here because you are looking for a 5 love language quiz to try. 

Here is the thing… I am a millennial therapist, so I talk about emotional, cognitive, physical, relational labor… and the idea of bringing those all to consciousness often. 

Through my experience in working with individuals and relationships, many people discuss the 5 love language quiz, yet they are still in therapy. 

I have learned that Labor Languages are FAR less talked about than it should be. 

So buckle up, today we are talking about “labor” instead of the 5 love language quiz! 

Before we begin, I want you to take stock of which pieces or aspects of labor in relationships (romantic and otherwise) you do!

 

Physical labor

Physical labor looks like what is done in a relationship that are often seen as tasks or chores. This labor could look like taking out the garbage, cleaning, organizing, yard work, physical intimacy, fixing things in shared space, cleaning the dishes, mowing the lawn, etc. These are not all the ways to do physical labor, I am just noting some examples.

Physical labor requires one to do some physical or manual work. Often these tasks or chores are day to day (such as cleaning the kitchen or cooking) or multiple times per week (such as vacuuming)  or weekly (mowing the lawn) or larger tasks such as fixing something in the household, etc. 

Admittedly, this has not always been my personal strength, but I have used this as a growth edge for me. I have worked hard at building ways to increase my ability to engage in these type of labor and I am rocking it out!

 

Emotional Labor

Emotional labor is placing your own personal resources or energy into someone else’s emotions or feelings to support them in what may be occurring. This can be done through conversation, holding space for someone, physical reassurance, listening to them, communicating, etc. 

Emotional labor is one that we see in various types of relationships (not just romantic ones). I am very lucky as a therapist to have so many people in my life who are great at this and to have the skills to engage in this.

 

Cognitive Labor

Cognitive labor is often known as the “invisible” work in relationships. 

It is how someone organizes tasks, keeps the household running, and often includes planning, forethought, and looking at the big picture. 

Cognitive labor can look like running the family calendar, managing family finances, planning meals, scheduling appointments, organizing events, and coordinating with other systems (family, friends, daycare, etc.). 

Boom! This is 100% my strength in almost all my relationships. 

My friends and family know that when I am at my highest and best version of me, I am usually really engaged with cognitive (and emotional!) labor in my relationships. 

 

Relational Labor

Relational labor is a combination of all of the above listed ones. I say this because this is the labor where we have to communicate and work together in our relationships to engage in each of the above (physical, emotional, and cognitive). In relational labor, it is our responsibility to communicate, share, collaborate, and create within our relationships in order to make sure our needs are met within that relationship. Relational labor looks like having conversations about the relationship, setting boundaries, clarifying, and communicating. 

For me, this is a growth edge that I have had. There have been times in my life where I rocked at this and there have certainly been times in various relationships where I have struggled with this piece. I think it is important that we take stock and look at which relationships this was hardest to do and why. When I do that, I notice this has showed up in many of my friendships and because of my own traumas, me not engaging in this labor was for fear or loss so setting boundaries or talking about my needs was often so scary I didn’t address it.

 

Boom Shaka Laka - Bring the Unconscious to the Conscious!

Alright, now we have looked at each of these sections and we are sitting and considering which areas in which relationships are on point and which are a growth edge for us. Wahoo!

This is so important to reflect on because often times we unconsciously engage in this labor. When this labor is done unconsciously it can result in feelings of resentment towards others. The problem is, is if we are not conscious or aware of it we may not be able to truly communicate what is showing up for us - and if we cannot do that we are not going to feel fulfilled in our relationships. 

I urge you to bring the unconscious to the conscious. Reflect. Learn. Growth. Communicate. HEAL. Healing is a process, when we truly begin to do it - it looks like conscious, intentional, consensual growth. When we are unconsciously doing, we are not truly choosing or consenting. When we do not choose or consent, we resent and (re)experience trauma. When we choose and consent, we are empowered and work within our relationships to negotiate, collaborate, and create. 

We are here to help at LCAT, we have various therapists who have training and understanding in all the A/a’s. Please join us on your healing journey!

YouTube page where she provides free information at The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


How To Save My Marriage! 

How To Save My Marriage! 

 

Step by step guide on how to save my marriage is here for you. 

Seriously, how long has it taken you to google how to save my marriage?

If longer than a year, that’s an eternity in our fast-changing, “what’s new today” world. 

You may be here because you or your partner(s) feels: 

  • Annoyed
  • Irritated
  • Betrayed
  • Degraded
  • Shamed
  • Blamed

 

Step 1 on How To Save My Marriage

Accept that to save your marriage is going to be slow and tedious, yet really helpful! 

I imagine a part of you feels your partner is confusing because they excuse their behaviors, and yet aren’t willing to learn about you or hear what you are saying. 

My take is that because your partner and you are needing help on “how to save my marriage,” that I can give you a very strange take on how to slowly yet practically unwind the tangled mess. 

 

Step 2 is to Use Your Psyche!

Go to therapy or use the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) by Francesca Gentille!how to save my marriage

A quick synopsis of the IAM model is that ALL OF US have 100s of inner aspects on the inside. 

They are brilliant parts of us created by our psyche to survive. 

We can be heroes and villains in our own story. 

Sometimes, it goes awry in a partnership and tangles up though. 

You may not even be aware subconsciously of the many inner parts of your personality. 

My truth is that there is no "ONE" thing that we are as a partner though. I wish there were... it would feel really comforting to know. Life, relationships, and relationships with responsibility and/or power dynamics are more nuanced and layered than one answer. 

 

Step 3 Nonviolent Communication will save your marriage! 

Nonviolent communication and Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs will teach you exactly how to save my marriage! 

Each part of our psyche has different needs! See the graphic of the human needs here!

Humans WILL get these needs met (in HEALTHY or UNHEALTHY ways). 

If we can slow down our world a bit and self-reflect and evaluate who we are on the inside... we can slow down enough to get conscious of who we are inside. 

And then, figure out what STRATEGIES  (examples of strategies: 

  • Work
  • Yoga
  • eating healthy
  • Attraction
  • Drugs

What are some of the ways you get your needs met through work? Which parts of you are getting those needs met? 

For me, the therapist parts of me get my needs of contribution, uncertainty, connection, and certainty through some of the strategies I use daily with my clients and my staff. 

 

Step 4 is Reconciliation on the past. 

Whoever is MOST accountable wins. Continue to own parts of what you did to contribute to the current state of events. Seek a licensed marriage and family therapist, someone trained with a license in couples counseling, or seek someone who knows about balancing out the foundation of the relationship. 

Begin moving through old stories and blame or shame. 

Realize that these inner messages, if you have a partner willing to do the work and grow with you, are not going to be helpful for the relationship you are building. 

 

Step 5 is where we envision a new marriage! 

New rituals, vows, and more consciousness. Begin feeling inspired. Looking at your partner, and even friends, with loving eyes. New visions and recalibrating what you would like to create is often helpful to move through times that are uncertain and uncomfortable.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Why is Confidence Sexy

Sex Therapist Gives 5 Answers to "Why is Confidence Sexy"

Sex Therapist Gives 5 Answers to "Why is Confidence Sexy"

 

So, you are here because you are also asking yourself "why is confidence sexy," just like many of our viewers have done! So... I have the answers as to why confidence is so sexy!

In this video I will explain why confidence is sexy and if you think you are not confident enough, I am giving you my “Behind the Scenes of Communication” Eguide to boost your confidence!

These 5 reasons on why confidence is sexy work for just about everyone!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

DOWNLOAD OUR "BEHIND THE SCENES OF COMMUNCATION" GUIDE

https://gn91oeao.pages.infusionsoft.net ←HERE

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

 

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You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.