We’ve heard songs, watched movies about, and oftentimes talked about revenge sex. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, revenge sex refers to having sex with someone for revenge because another person hurt you in a specific way. For example, you’ve realized your boyfriend cheated on you, and you want to have sex with someone else to hurt them back.
If you have ever felt curious about revenge sex, read on!
You’ve Been Cheated On…
If you’re reading about revenge sex, there is a big chance that you may have been cheated on. In every relationship, this is one of the biggest fears, and when it happens, it creates pain inside you. You could feel hurt, betrayed, lost, or angry—all of it. This is when you might think about revenge sex as a way of taking back the control you feel you lost.
Let’s be clear: there is nothing wrong with having sex after you’ve been hurt or ended your relationship. If you feel like your relationship is limiting you and you want more variety, it might be a good idea to experience sexual connection with another. However, if your only goal is to hurt someone else, revenge sex is not the best idea.
Here’s why: it will realistically not give you what you’re looking for. You will not feel like you’re over the pain just because you had sex with someone else. Actually, these two things have little to do with each other. That is why it’s important to be clear on your motivation for sex with someone after ending a relationship or being cheated on. If you’re just looking to have fun, go for it! If you think it will heal your broken heart, unfortunately, it won’t!
Don’ts of Revenge Sex
If you’re determined to have revenge sex and truly believe it will make you feel better, I get it. You have the right to do anything that brings you peace at the moment. That said, there are a few things you need to keep in mind when you decide to have revenge sex.
First, never announce it to your ex. If you plan to have revenge sex, do so for yourself. Sharing your intention with your ex might cause another attachment between you two. Beyond that, you can even feel that when you’re talking and having sex with another person, your mind is focused on your ex. That means you are actually using someone.
Second, be safe. When hurt, we often want to do something wild and unexpected, and such situations can be dangerous as well. Let’s say you meet someone at a bar, and you’ve had one too many drinks. Your judgment will be off, and you could make risky decisions that could lead to a lack of safety. If you do want to have revenge sex with a complete stranger, make sure one of your friends has your location and is aware of your whereabouts.
Third, don’t pressure yourself into revenge sex. You might fantasize that you will be free of the pain in you if you have a sensual connection with another. There is this idea of feeling free after having revenge sex; however, this is not always true for all people. More importantly, if you do not use discernment, it may make you feel even worse. In many cases, people tried revenge sex when they weren’t ready because they assumed it would feel better than how they’re feeling now.
How to Heal
The reason why people consider having revenge sex is because they feel it will help them heal. They assume it will help them recover from a heartbreak, hurt, or any other pain caused by their romantic partner. If you’re uncertain whether revenge sex is the right choice for you, keep in mind there are other ways to heal.
One of the first things you should do when moving on from your ex is to remove everything that reminds you of them. For instance, you can put all the things in a box and store them in someone else’s storage container.
Cutting off all communication is not always enough to bring closure. There are moments when you need answers or want to understand why something happened. The important thing is to resolve the relationship in a constructive manner, so if both partners see it as a good idea, meet and discuss what needs to be discussed. If you need to seek therapy, please see someone.
Moving On
Taking care of oneself is fundamental to recovering from a breakup or infidelity. In other words, make sure you’re eating foods that work for your body, moving instead of sitting all day, taking regular showers, and getting enough sleep.
It’s also comforting to redefine your own identity and put your independence front and center by focusing on interests that hold special meaning for you. Treating oneself to a little indulgence could also be beneficial. If you believe that getting a massage or manicure will make you feel better, think about doing so. When it comes to revenge sex, consider the reasons behind it. If you simply want to enjoy sex and feel good about yourself, go for it. In a period such as a breakup, it’s important to do things that will help you feel better. For some, this is writing down their feelings, while for others, it might be going out dancing and hooking up with someone.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/revenge-sex.png400650Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-09-20 08:14:462024-09-19 08:25:08Revenge Sex: How Recommended It Really Is?
If you’ve asked yourself at least once, ‘Why am I so lonely,” you probably didn’t come up with any reasonable answer. Songs and poems have been written about loneliness for centuries, and yet we’re struggling to understand its real meaning. We’re also still looking for causes of loneliness and how to recover from them.
We have decided to explore a topic we all like to talk about but nobody likes to experience. Learn about loneliness, why it happens, and how to feel better.
The Definition of Loneliness
Even though it’s in our nature to connect, a lot of us will experience loneliness frequently. When social connections do not match expectations, a person feels lonely. In other words, you will probably feel lonely if you want to have more social interactions than you actually do.
A person may experience severe feelings of social isolation, regardless of their living situation. There are several ways to define loneliness. The UCLA Loneliness Scale, a widely used tool for measuring loneliness, questions participants about a variety of emotions or connection deficiencies, such as how frequently they do or feel the following:
You feel like you are alone.
You feel excluded.
Reach out to your friends or family to fulfill your needs.
Feel connected to people in your environment.
Profound loneliness is a huge social concern because of the possible health effects for people who feel they have few or no supportive social relationships. However, it also highlights the need for more human contact and interaction.
Some people experience severe and persistent loneliness even though they are in a long-term marriage or are surrounded by people throughout the day. Studies indicate that loneliness presents significant risks to both overall well-being and long-term physical health. That is why there is an increasing need to understand loneliness to be able to help yourself and those around you.
Signs and Symptoms of Loneliness
Many people experience brief episodes of loneliness at some point in their lives. Usually fleeting in nature, these kinds of emotions are not regarded as chronic. However, there may be more serious indications and symptoms to be aware of, as well as actions you may take to assist in dealing with chronic loneliness when feelings of isolation and loneliness get worse and last for an extended period of time.
Depending on your circumstances and identity, there are many signs and symptoms of chronic loneliness. If some or all of the following describe you regularly, you may have chronic loneliness and should consider talking to your doctor or therapist.
Inability to Establish Deeper Connections
You feel unable to establish closer, more personal connections with people. It’s possible that you have relatives and friends in your life, yet your interactions with them are relatively superficial. Your interactions don’t feel satisfyingly connected, and it appears like there will always be a void in your relationship.
Lack of Friends
You do not need to be a social butterfly to avoid loneliness. However, friendships are extremely beneficial to our mental and emotional health. If you only have acquaintances or casual friends, you may feel lonely.
Feeling Alone in a Crowded Room
Regardless of your surroundings, do you often feel lonely? Even with dozens of people at a party, you may feel alone, alienated, and disconnected. On a busy street, bus, or train, it does not matter because you are in your own bubble.
Low Self-Worth
Feelings of negative self-worth and self-doubt can often lead to isolation from other people and choosing to be alone. Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough? Long-term emotions like these could also be a sign of persistent loneliness.
Low Social Battery
Feeling fatigue and burnout when attempting social interaction is quite common if you’re not an extroverted person. Attempting to interact and be social with people can wear you out if you suffer from chronic loneliness. Persistent fatigue can result in several problems, such as disturbed sleep, compromised immunity, inadequate nutrition, and more.
How to Deal with Loneliness
Acknowledging your feelings and the effects loneliness is having on your life is the first step toward conquering it. Speak with a therapist or counselor first. They can offer extra strategies to battle loneliness, alternative therapies, assistance in developing effective coping mechanisms, and help you address the potential contributing factors.
Seek Support
Talk to your loved ones. Tell them you’re having loneliness problems. Tell them how they might be able to lessen your loneliness if you’ve lost a loved one, a career, or a relationship or are dealing with other problems that have caused you to feel alone.
Don’t Spend Too Much Time Online
If you’re attempting to fight loneliness, the internet world offers safe, practical, and helpful ways to interact with people. For some people, engaging in social interactions and communication through online dating services, chat and message platforms, and multiplayer video games can be gratifying. Also, there are many apps made to help you overcome problems like social isolation and loneliness.
Think about whether it’s beneficial for you to use social media. Some people may feel even more alone and isolated as a result of their interactions with the community online. People on social media, for instance, can present themselves as having hundreds of close friends by their side and leading exciting, carefree lives.
Most often, this is not true. Social media can make some people feel inadequate, excluded, and lonely. If the internet feels more like isolation than a connection, you may want to log off.
Take Care of Yourself
In addition to making an effort to socialize, remember that physical activity, a balanced diet, enough sleep, sunlight, and even meditation can all help combat feelings of loneliness. Exercise has been demonstrated to release endorphins in the brain.
A balanced diet can also impact your brain’s health. Regular use of sugar, preservatives, and highly processed foods can be detrimental to your mental and physical well-being.
Emotional wellness and sleep quality are strongly correlated. Feelings of loneliness and isolation can be exacerbated by sleep deprivation or bad sleeping patterns, and vice versa. That is why it’s essential to improve your sleeping patterns. Before going to bed, avoid consuming too much caffeine, switch off electronic gadgets to unwind, and make sure your bedroom is dark.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/pexels-cottonbro-8862267-scaled.jpg17072560Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-09-16 08:21:582024-09-13 17:35:07Why Am I So Lonely? Find Your Answer Here
Toxic relationships are something we have all seen or experienced at some point in our lives. They can be draining, damaging, and difficult to recognize, especially when emotions are deeply involved and cloud our judgment. Red flags in relationships are often hard to see because many of us possess certain toxic traits or engage in manipulative behavior from time to time, whether consciously or unconsciously. It’s not always easy to admit, but sometimes, we might even be the toxic partner in a relationship, contributing to the negativity without realizing it.
Ask yourself: Are you the toxic one? Do you find yourself constantly criticizing your partner, making them feel guilty, or using emotional manipulation to get your way? Recognizing these behaviors is the first step towards change and growth.
Stop emotional abuse in relationships. Learn to communicate effectively, set healthy boundaries, and foster a relationship built on respect, trust, empathy, and mutual support. Everyone deserves a loving and nurturing partnership where they feel valued, understood, and cared for.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/09/Toxic-Traits-In-A-Relationship.jpg7201280Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-09-05 07:30:252024-09-09 12:54:44Toxic Traits In A Relationship
Build Trusted Relationships in a healthy way requires commitment from both partners. It’s essential to recognize that trust is not built overnight but through consistent actions and open communication. Both individuals must be willing to put in the effort to nurture and sustain this trust, understanding that trust can take years to build but moments to break.
Make emotional support, connection time, and intimate time your top priorities.
These elements serve as the foundation of a strong relationship. Emotional support ensures that both partners feel heard and understood, creating a safe space for vulnerability and honest communication.
Regular connection time fosters a deep bond, allowing you to grow together, share experiences, and understand each other’s evolving needs. Intimate time, whether physical or emotional, strengthens your bond and brings you closer on multiple levels.
Here is some relationship advice to help your couples communication: Be honest, listen actively, and express your feelings openly.
Regularly check in with each other, and make time for meaningful conversations to ensure your relationship remains strong and resilient over time.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
Unlock the secrets to successful negotiation with our latest TikTok on “Negotiation Skills Examples”!
Whether you’re aiming to secure a better deal, boost your career, or simply improve daily interactions, these practical tips are your key to success.
Watch as we break down real-life scenarios, showcasing effective strategies like active listening, finding common ground, and assertive communication.
Learn how to handle objections with ease, turn conflicts into opportunities, and create win-win situations in any setting.
Perfect for beginners and seasoned negotiators alike, this video offers clear, actionable insights you can apply immediately. Discover the power of preparation, the art of asking the right questions, and the importance of maintaining a positive attitude throughout the process.
Don’t miss out on enhancing your negotiation prowess—hit play now and start mastering the art of the deal today! Follow us for more valuable tips and tricks that will empower you to communicate effectively and achieve your goals.
Improve your negotiation skills and transform your interactions both personally and professionally with these essential techniques.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/how-to-let-go-of-resentment.jpg7201280Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-08-01 08:20:042024-08-01 08:20:39How To Let Go Of Resentment With Someone?
If you have ever asked yourself, “What is micro cheating?” this is the blog for you.
Micro cheating is an online term that has been flooding blogs and videos because these seemingly small actions can significantly impact the stability of the foundation of trust in a dating relationship. These subtle behaviors, which may seem harmless on the surface, can undermine the trust and intimacy between partners.
Micro cheating includes actions that fall short of physical infidelity but still involve a level of emotional or romantic secrecy or deception. Examples of micro cheating might include flirting with someone else online, secretly messaging an ex, or consistently liking and commenting on someone’s social media posts in a flirtatious manner. These behaviors can create emotional distance and suspicion, leading to feelings of betrayal and insecurity in the relationship.
Understanding the Impact of Micro Cheating
Of course, micro cheating is context-dependent, like most things. What one couple may consider a breach of trust might be seen as harmless by another. It is essential for couples to communicate openly about their boundaries and what they consider acceptable behavior. By discussing and agreeing on what constitutes micro cheating, partners can better understand each other’s expectations and work to maintain a strong and trusting relationship.
One of the critical aspects of addressing micro cheating is recognizing the intent and the emotional impact of the actions. If a behavior is causing distress or insecurity in the relationship, it is worth addressing, regardless of whether it fits a specific definition of cheating.
Open and honest communication can help partners navigate these issues and reinforce their commitment to each other.
Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and even seemingly minor actions can erode that trust over time. By being mindful of each other’s feelings and maintaining transparency, couples can prevent micro cheating from becoming a significant problem.
Let us know what you think about micro cheating! Do you think it is a valid concern in relationships, or is it an overblown concept? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
#microcheating We need to talk: What is micro cheating? Micro cheating is an online term that is flooding blogs and videos because these seemingly small actions impact the stability of the foundation of trust in a dating relationship. Of course, it is context dependent, like most things! Let us know what you think about micro cheating! #microcheating#relationshiptalk#couplestherapy#amandapasciucco
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/07/what-is-micro-cheating-1.jpg7201280Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-07-04 07:22:492024-07-23 12:41:25We Need To Talk: What Is Micro Cheating?
Many times, couples ask us about when it is time to consider being in couples therapy. Deciding to pursue couples therapy can be a positive step in addressing challenges within a relationship and fostering growth and better communication. Here are some key questions to consider when evaluating whether couples therapy might benefit your relationship:
1. Are you experiencing recurring conflicts?
Do you find yourselves arguing about the same issues repeatedly? Recurring conflicts can indicate underlying problems that need to be addressed. Couples therapy can help identify the root causes of these conflicts and provide strategies for resolving them.
2. Is there a breakdown in communication?
Effective communication is essential for a healthy relationship. If you feel like you and your partner are not understanding each other, or if conversations often lead to misunderstandings or frustration, therapy can help improve your communication skills.
3. Are trust issues affecting your relationship?
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If there has been a breach of trust, whether due to infidelity, secrecy, or other issues, rebuilding that trust can be challenging. Couples therapy can provide a safe space to work through these issues and rebuild trust.
4. Are you dealing with major life changes?
Life transitions such as moving in together, getting married, having children, or dealing with loss can put a strain on a relationship. Therapy can help couples navigate these changes and adjust to new dynamics.
5. Do you feel disconnected from your partner?
Feeling emotionally or physically distant from your partner can be a sign that your relationship needs attention. Therapy can help rekindle the connection and intimacy between partners.
6. Are you considering separation or divorce?
If you are contemplating ending your relationship, couples therapy can be a way to explore whether the relationship can be repaired and if there is a path forward together.
Considering couples therapy is not a sign of failure but a proactive step toward strengthening your relationship. It shows a commitment to working through challenges and improving your partnership. If you find yourself answering “yes” to any of these questions, it may be time to explore couples therapy as a tool for fostering a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
Relationship Experts Explain How To Know If You Are A Pick-Me Girl?
You might not have a ton of girlfriends, for starters.
Amanda Pasciucco, PhD, LMFT, CST and Owner of Life Coaching and Therapy was interviewed for this article by Addison Aloian, published on April 28, 2024 in
You know her, you (probably don’t) love her: She’s the pick-me girl. She’s not like other girls. In fact, she isn’t really friends with girls, and she definitely isn’t a “girl’s girl.” Instead, she likes to sit and talk negatively about other women while watching football over a pint of beer with the guys—and she makes it her entire personality.
The pick-me girl goes “out of her way to stand out from other women in a way that is often for the male gaze, acceptance, approval, attention,” says Amanda Pasciucco, PhD, LMFT, a sex therapist based in West Hartford, Connecticut. It’s not exactly a ~good thing~ to be this type of girl, since they often cater their personalities to men.
Wondering what, exactly, a pick-me girl is and—gulp—if you are one? (Don’t worry, I won’t tell.) Ahead, experts explain the pick-me girl and pick-me boy labels, share common signs of pick-me girl behavior, and potential solutions to work on that part of yourself that’s screaming “pick me!!”
What is a Pick-Me Girl?
The pick-me girl tries to establish themselves outside of the typical normal behaviors for women and girls, says Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, PhD, a professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University, Fullerton. “A lot of it is rooted in insecurity, low self-esteem, and competition,” she adds.
The goal of the pick-me girl is to be the one who gets picked by the gender of their choice, according to Betsy Chung, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and relationship expert based in Newport Beach, California. She might say something like, “I’m not like other girls,” or pretend to be chill around guys when—surprise—she’s not chill. She also may pretend to be into hobbies that the guys around her like, such as sports, or act like she’s “not into drama,” Pasciucco says.
But just because a woman is into sports or has other hobbies that aren’t traditionally feminine doesn’t mean she’s automatically a pick-me girl. She’s only a pick-me girl if she isn’t *actually* into said hobbies, and is just pretending to be so that she can cater to the interests of guys.
The origin of the term is actually from a season two episode of Grey’s Anatomy, where Meredith told Derek to “Pick me, choose me, love me,” but it’s recently gone viral on TikTok. (There are over 480,000 posts tagged #Pickme on the app.)
What is a Pick-Me Boy?
The pick-me boy is similar, except that they’re not seeking male validation—instead, they’re trying to impress women. He might say something cringey, like working the fact that he’s “a feminist” into a conversation, Suwinyattichaiporn says. This boy might also degrade other men, or try to appeal to women by claiming to be attentive or caring about growth or going to therapy, Pasciucco adds. A more obvious example would be going out with his guy friends and trying to outdrink everyone to impress women at the bar, Chung adds. Essentially, a pick-me boy is something of a chameleon. He can either be super macho or very sensitive, depending on the type of girl(s) he’s around.
What’s important here is that just because a guy is a feminist or cares about going to therapy doesn’t automatically make him a pick-me boy. What does, though, is if he doesn’t *actually* care about those topics—and instead is just advertising it to get approval from women. It “enforces gender stereotypes” by appearing to subvert them for personal gain, Pasciucco says.
Signs of a Pick-Me Girl
There are a few tell-tale signs that might point to someone being a pick-me girl. Experts say to watch out for these:
She doesn’t have close girlfriends, and she doesn’t consider herself a “girl’s girl,” Suwinyattichaiporn says.
She constantly needs validation and affirmations (“you’re so pretty, you’re smart”) from the men in her life, either her guy friends or romantic partner(s).
She talks negatively about other girls in front of guys, especially a guy’s ex-girlfriend or potential romantic partner, and she’s not aware of the impact her words have on them.
She’s really competitive. Maybe she doesn’t want another girl on her flag football team because she assumes the other girl is not athletic or doesn’t know how to play.
She tries to let everyone know that she’s “different” from other girls, maybe through her hobbies or interests. For instance, maybe she likes to say she’s “not about drama unlike other girls,” or she’s always talking about sports to her guy friends, Chung says.
Why is Being a Pick-Me Girl Problematic?
The whole concept of the pick-me girl is based on seeking male validation. It stems from internalized misogyny, gender stereotypes, and sexism. “That perpetuates the stigma that masculinity is better,” Pasciucco says, because the way women think they have to stand out to men is by appealing to their interests. It rejects a type of femininity, Chung adds.
Being a pick-me can also be a symptom of “having low self-esteem [and] feeling very insecure about your identity,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. Sometimes, they have broken families or don’t get enough attention from their dads, so they seek it externally to feel better about themselves.
“We live in a society where women and girls were taught since a young age to be a certain way—to be nice girls,” Suwinyattichaiporn says, adding that it feeds into the idea of packaging yourself a certain way to get a boyfriend, and that’s how you’re considered “successful.” “[The concept of the pick-me girl] is rooted in misogyny and female competition. Pick me girls may talk negatively about feminine women in order to distinguish themselves to be ‘different.”
And above all, it’s presenting yourself in a false way for attention, Chung says: “At the end of the day, what you’re doing is you’re showing a less authentic version of yourself.” That can lead to inauthentic friendships and relationships, especially once you get close enough with someone to share your insecurities with them. And, of course, it’s just not nice to put other women down, regardless of who you’re with, Chung adds.
Why is the Term Pick-Me Problematic?
The term itself is problematic, too, though. First of all, it’s a way to label and objectify someone based on one component of their identity. “We all have so much underneath,” Pasciucco says. “[Using this label is] minimizing, and it doesn’t see women as complex human beings.”
It can also be harmful for women who “don’t necessarily understand their personality development yet or why they are seeking external validation,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. Plus, it’s a negative descriptor that might be stamped onto someone just because of their genuine interests.
“While hanging out with all guys or wanting to be with men isn’t necessarily a bad thing, what’s harmful is someone condemning another person for their preferences,” Pasciucco says. It insinuates that girls have to conform with what’s considered traditionally feminine in order to be normal or considered a girl’s girl, Suwinyattichaiporn adds.
For instance, if a girl has a lot of guy friends (and not a lot of girlfriends) in school because she loves playing on the different sports teams, it would be problematic to call her a pick-me girl instead of realizing her interests simply differ from someone with more traditional “girly” interests, Suwinyattichaiporn adds.
What if I’m a Pick-Me Girl?
If you’re reading this and some of the signs sound a *bit* familiar, it’s okay. You may have not realized that you exhibit these types of traits until they were laid out in front of you. JSYK, there are some pick-me elements that might be inherent to one’s personality, but others can develop over time, Suwinyattichaiporn says.
For instance, say you’re a true pick-me girl, a.k.a., you like sports because your guy friends like them. When this identity starts to include gossiping about girls in front of the guys to make yourself look better, “that’s where it becomes a problem beyond your personality” interests, Pasciucco says.
So, if you think you might be a pick-me girl—and again, it’s okay if you are!—there are a few things you can do to implement more healthy habits.
Journal
First, look into how to increase your self-esteem and self-worth so you can start not viewing other women as competition, Suwinyattichaiporn says. Try journaling with the following prompts she recommends: What kind of relationships with women have I had in my life before? What are some of the trigger points I experience when I talk to other women? What do I want to manifest in the future of what female relationships look like for me?
You can also try confidence journaling, which consists of writing down three reasons why you’re great, Suwinyattichaiporn says. It can be simple, like “I’m a great friend,” “I’m a great listener,” “I donated money today that made me feel helpful,” or “I cooked amazing pasta last night.” Once you do it frequently enough, you’ll realize all the amazing things about yourself. Confidence journaling “allows you to become more self-assured,” which will help you “seek external validation less,” she says.
Meditate
You can also try meditating on some powerful affirmations. For instance, if you struggle with body image issues and find yourself comparing your body to other women, instead, think positive thoughts about your body as you meditate. Maybe you start with the affirmation, “I love my body,” Suwinyattichaiporn suggests.
Make Some Girlfriends
This one might seem obvious, but becoming friends with other women is nurturing and very helpful in personal growth,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. To do that, you can join a walking, running, or hiking group around you, or even try group fitness classes and ask a girl in your class if she wants to get coffee afterward, she says.
Speaking of friends, if you have a gal pal who exhibits this pattern of behaviors, have a low-key open dialogue about it to help her overcome her insecurities, Suwinyattichaiporn says. Being that supportive female friend (she may not know she needs) can show her it’s possible to have a whole crew cheering her on.
Pick Up A New Hobby
“When people do things that they are passionate about, they’re less likely to be looking at other people and comparing themselves to others,” Suwinyattichaiporn says. Her advice is to try a bunch of different things, and see what sticks. You can start with different categories of your life, so if you’re into exercising, try joining a pickleball group. Or, if you’re into arts and music, consider taking a class. Without trying, you won’t know what makes you happy and what’s a good way to spend your time.
Shift Your Internal Dialogue
If you’re ruminating on comparing yourself to another woman, stop the internal conversation, Pasciucco says. Instead of criticizing her personal interests, for example, shift your mindset to think instead: “I appreciate that she has freedom to choose things that aren’t what I like,” she says. “Work on becoming conscious—stopping, taking a breath, and observing if you’re being critical.” Intentionally rejecting those knee-jerk negative reactions is the start of “trying to find a way to uplift other women,” Pasciucco adds. Plus, the more you practice this mindset shift, the more natural these positive thoughts will become.
Work With A Therapist
If you’re not already in therapy, find a therapist who will focus on helping you “recognize and build on your strengths, but also learn how to accept weaknesses,” Chung says. “The goal is really to be able to trust that you have value simply by being yourself.”
Be More Intentional About Your Relationships
The first step: Taking stock of your current connections. Ask yourself, “When do I feel uncomfortable in a relationship—and why?” and “How do I present myself in a relationship—am I showing up authentically?” If you find you’re chasing attention and approval from others, that may be something to talk to a therapist and/or do some deeper reflection about.
“If it feels like you’re doing too much and you’re doing things that go outside of your personal values, that might also be a sign that you’re trying to chase approval, rather than showing up authentically,” Chung says.
If a relationship feels one-sided—even if it’s in your favor—it might never develop into a super deep or intimate connection because “you’re basically just in a relationship with yourself,” she explains. Pick-me peeps tend to operate based on what the other person wants, and they end up melding into that, rather than being themselves. Ultimately, you won’t feel fulfilled by being another person’s dream personified because it’s not what you actually want.
Remember, it’s not about guys picking you—it’s about you picking yourself.
About the Author:
Addison Aloian (she/her) is the assistant love & life editor at Women’s Health. Outside of topics related to lifestyle, relationships, and dating, she also loves covering fitness and style. In her free time, she enjoys lifting weights at the gym, reading mystery and romance novels, watching (and critiquing!) the latest movies that have garnered Oscars buzz, and wandering around the West Village in New York City. In addition to Women’s Health, her work has also appeared in Allure, StyleCaster, L’Officiel USA, V Magazine, VMAN, and more. Read full bio
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/pexels-barbara-marques-153698157-10624654.jpg8531280Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-06-09 22:20:452024-07-23 13:37:57What Does It Mean To Be A Pick-Me Girl?
Picture this: Your friend has been in a happy, healthy, monogamous relationship—that is, until the internet convinced her otherwise. She confides in you that behaviors she thought were normal (e.g., following their exes on Instagram and liking their friends’ “thirst traps”), are actually a huge red flag, according to TikTok. Now, she’s concerned that her partner’s cheating—sorry, micro-cheating.
There are dozens of videos by podcast hosts, dating coaches, and other digital creators introducing the internet to infidelity’s newest subgenre, leading people to second-guess their partner’s behaviors. One user wondered, “Is my boyfriend finding other women attractive micro-cheating?” And another asked, “What about lunch with work wives?”
These examples might sound a little extreme, but micro-cheating—or small behaviors that aren’t quite cheating, but still a betrayal of your partner’s trust—can be just as painful to the non-cheating partner as physical infidelity.
But, the good news: There are ways to address these feelings (and your S.O.’s behavior!) so you and your partner can be on the same page about what a committed relationship looks like.
What is considered micro-cheating?
Micro-cheating is typically characterized by small actions that don’t cross over to infidelity, but often give the impression of infidelity to the non-cheating partner, says Amanda Pasciucco, PhD, LMFT, a sex therapist based in West Hartford, Connecticut. It “refers to breaches of trust within a romantic partnership that do not escalate into physical infidelity.”
Behaviors that can fall under the micro-cheating umbrella don’t always mean your partner wants to cheat; in fact, they may not even realize they’re betraying you. Oftentimes, micro-cheating takes the form of small, unintentionally hurtful actions, but even seemingly minor transgressions can be extremely painful to the faithful partner.
If you’re the one micro-cheating, you might not be going out of your way to have an affair or hurt your partner—but you are connecting with someone in a way that feels inappropriate, wherein “if your partner found out, they would be uncomfortable,” says Morgan Anderson, PsyD, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and author of Love Magnet. Choosing to act this way can sometimes be a symptom of feeling anger, hurt, or disconnect toward a partner, she adds.
Since micro-cheating is about small behaviors and habits, everyone has a different definition of what constitutes it, says Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, a licensed relationship therapist and author of MAN*ifesting: A Step-By-Step Guide to Attracting the Love That’s Meant for You. “What is okay in certain relationships might not be in others, because it depends on the two people involved,” she explains.
Still, here are a few examples of common behaviors that someone might view as micro-cheating, according to the experts:
Dating profiles: having an online dating profile (even if not actively using it) to see what else is out there.
Physical contact: any kind of physical interaction that feels intimate, like holding hands with or massaging a friend.
Social media interactions: chatting with an ex online, following people on Instagram for the sole purpose of physical attraction and engaging in their content, or directly messaging someone in a flirtatious way.
Flirting: flirtatious behavior, whether it’s in-person (e.g., overly complimenting a mutual friend) or digitally (e.g., sexting).
What’s the difference between micro-cheating and emotional cheating?
Emotional cheating, according to Pasciucco, is a little more intimate than micro-cheating, and it typically grows and escalates over time. “If there is building communication—whether through frequency, pet names, sharing, vulnerability, listening, problem-solving, et cetera—that would be considered emotional infidelity,” she says.
However, since micro-cheating is so subjective to a person’s views and comfort level, one person’s definition of micro-cheating might overlap with another person’s definition of emotional cheating. In fact, according to Bronstein, micro-cheating is a form of emotional cheating. “If any type of physical cheating is cheating, then anything in the in-between [like emotional cheating] is micro-cheating,” she says.
So…is micro-cheating harmful?
Not only can micro-cheating hurt the faithful partner, but it can permanently wound the relationship, according to the experts.
For starters, the person being micro-cheated on often feels disrespected, or like they are not enough for their partner, says Pasciucco. As for the relationship, this behavior can lead to similar trust issues that might result from physical cheating, she adds.
That said, relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all—and people’s definitions of commitment, fidelity, and cheating might differ. The level of harm caused by micro-cheating will vary among individuals and couples because it comes down to the rules determined by your partnership, your comfort level, and the intention behind the action.
Non-monogamous vs. monogamous
An important note: If you’re in an open or polyamorous relationship, it’s still possible to emotionally (or sexually) cheat. Ideally, people who are in open partnerships or polyamorous relationships have established policies. For them, a dating profile might be part of their agreement—but they might be hurt by the amount of additional dates their partner is going on, or by the level of attention given to a third party.
But even in monogamous relationships, everyone has a different threshold for what they consider offensive, Pasciucco explains. Some might be insulted by their partner watching porn, while others might not care because “porn isn’t a person.” Or perhaps, you don’t mind your partner following their exes on social media, but it makes them insecure if you follow yours.
Meanwhile, for others, it comes down to the micro-cheater’s objective. For example, there’s a difference between somebody simply forgetting their wedding ring at home or purposely going empty-handed with the intention to signal single status, Pasciucco says. To determine the objective of the action, Anderson suggests looking for a few signs: Are they being secretive? Do they seem distant? Are they overreacting to your questioning?
At what point am I overreacting?
If your partner’s behavior is bothering you, you’re allowed to communicate that even if your partner views their actions as normal, Pasciucco says. Hopefully, you can get on the same page. But maybe they aren’t interested in changing their habits, and that’s okay. Just like it’s okay if you decide you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who can’t meet you where you’re at.
While you’re certainly allowed to have boundaries and expectations in a relationship, you might be hurting yourself if you sound the alarm every time your partner hits “like” on an Instagram photo. In some cases, those trust issues can become a “self-fulfilling prophecy,” Bronstein adds. If someone shows a lot of insecurity and distrust, that partner might end up actually cheating since you think they are cheating anyway, she explains.
For those that have encountered betrayal or infidelity in the past, you might be particularly scared of cheating—which is understandable. Many people go into a new relationship and second-guess their partner’s actions. They think they’ll behave the same way an ex did, says Bronstein. “Because you’re on edge, you look at that new person as guilty until proven innocent, rather than innocent until proven guilty.”
All three experts recommend working through your trauma and fears through therapy and/or productive conversations with your partner. Because if you show up to a future relationship with unresolved issues, it can be hard to differentiate between your insecurities and your intuition, Bronstein explains. For example, say a past partner micro-cheated through texting interactions, you might overanalyze or overreact to a future partner’s phone use, adds Anderson.
What should I do if my partner is micro-cheating on me?
When you believe your partner is micro-cheating on you, all three experts advise having an open, honest, and direct conversation with them. And they have a few tips for doing so:
1. Set rules/boundaries ahead of time.
This one’s more of a preventative measure, but since every relationship is different, it’s important to establish ground rules. If you’re entering a polyamorous and/or open relationship, have an explicit conversation about what your boundaries are. And if you’re in a monogamous relationship, discuss what monogamy and exclusivity mean to both of you.
“If you want to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, having a conversation about the bounds of fidelity in their relationship is a really important place to start to get closer,” Pasciucco says. “And if you’ve never explicitly said things are problematic to you, you’re just assuming your partner has been in your brain your whole life.” Spoiler alert: They’re not, so if you haven’t had that conversation, it’s time to pencil it in.
Bronstein even recommends documenting the agreed-upon boundaries to refer back to. Whether that means a few bullet points in your notes app or a signed, hand-written note, creating some kind of “relationship bible” or “contract” is key to clear communication.
2. Approach your conversation calmly.
Rather than show up with anger, be vulnerable and “lead with curiosity,” says Anderson. If your partner has a habit of flirting online with their exes, ask them where this behavior is coming from. You might say, “I’ve noticed that you still DM your exes and respond to their Instagram Stories. Is something off in our relationship, or is there another reason you’re doing this? I want to work on this with you.”
3. Use “I” statements.
Using “I” statements can also be beneficial, Bronstein adds. Share how something makes you feel, and then give your partner the space to share their perspective, she explains. So, instead of saying, “You’re cheating on me by being handsy with friends,” try something like, “I felt uncomfortable and confused when I saw photos of you cuddling with a friend the other night.”
Here’s why it works: If you start by critiquing their behavior, “the other person might get defensive, but by sharing just how you’re feeling, the other person can decide to react however they want,” she says. And hopefully, this leads them to feel empathetic and validate your feelings, rather than get defensive over feeling accused.
4. Revisit your “rules” whenever you need to.
Your comfort level might change over time—and that’s totally okay. For example, maybe you thought you were okay with your S.O. maintaining a friendly relationship with an old hookup, but as your relationship grows more serious, it starts to make you uncomfortable. If you do choose to write up a “contract,” set up regular intervals to revisit and discuss your rules, suggests Bronstein.
Ultimately, while everyone can hope for a positive reaction to a clear conversation about micro-cheating, that might not always be the case. If you’ve addressed how your partner’s behavior has made you feel and your partner doesn’t stop, “you have to be honest with yourself about what your needs are in a relationship,” Anderson says. Because if that person cannot create a healthy, secure relationship with you—or you have different ideas of what constitutes commitment—it might be time to move on.
Jordana Comiter (she/her) is a freelance writer from South Florida and a graduate of Tulane University and Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. She loves covering all things lifestyle, including dating, entertainment + pop culture, health + wellness, travel, and more. When she’s not writing, she enjoys group fitness classes, wholesome romance novels, and live music.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/06/Screenshot-2024-06-03-at-1.44.18 PM.png272483Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-06-03 14:00:322024-06-03 15:06:40Micro Cheating – How to Deal with Your Partner’s Flirty Habits
Relationship Therapist Near Me: How to Get Help Right Away
If you were looking for a ‘Relationship therapist near me’ on Google, you’re determined to start going to therapy sessions. Regardless of your reason for seeking therapy, finding a good mental health expert focused on relationships and marriages is now easier. You can easily find a therapist in your area, read other clients’ reviews, or even learn more about the therapist on their website.
Consider online sessions if you’re in a rush and want to talk to someone as soon as possible. This will give you more options to choose from, and you’ll likely find a therapist to talk to, even on the same day. To help you choose the right relationship therapist, we’ve decided to take a closer look into how to tell a great therapist from an average one and what else you should pay attention to when making the choice.
What Is Relationship Therapy?
Relationship therapy, sometimes referred to as couples therapy or counseling, is a kind of psychotherapy that aims to assist clients in strengthening their love relationships. By working with a therapist, couples can address problems in their relationships, practice communication, enhance their relationships, and settle disputes.
Relationship therapy may be beneficial at any point in a relationship, even though it’s frequently utilized to address issues. Counseling that enhances communication and connection can still benefit those in pleasant, healthy relationships.
What Does a Relationship Therapist Do?
It’s crucial to recognize the distinctions between what a relationship therapist does and what a regular therapist offering individual therapy does. Relationship issues might occasionally resolve themselves if one partner seeks private therapy to address their issues. However, a relationship therapist aims to improve the quality of the relationship by talking to both partners.
Often, one or both partners lack certain skills to build a quality relationship. Learning how to communicate, listen, compromise, and trust are not skills we all possess at the same level. Without them, the relationship might become complicated and often toxic. To avoid getting to that point, partners tend to seek a relationship therapist, whether online or in person, to work on those areas and strengthen their bond.
If you’re not sure how a relationship therapist can help you, these are some of the things you can expect:
Ask you and your partner questions to get to know you better
Determine a relationship goal with you and your partner
Tap into the certain issues that are causing you to discuss, fight, or isolate from each other
Suggest exercises on the spot or at home to better understand each other
Teach you techniques to use when focused on a similar challenge or situation
Dig deeper into your past romantic and family-related experiences to understand why you react or feel a certain way
Benefits of Relationship Therapy
Relationship therapy is really effective, especially if couples seek help before issues are too severe or complex to handle on their own. Couples that seek relationship therapy before allowing conflicts to develop should anticipate some of the following advantages:
They will have better and healthier communication practices
Couples will be more equipped to decide important matters together
Spouses or partners will be able to handle problems more easily
Help couples understand their true intentions and needs
What to Expect from Your First Session
If you’re thinking about getting counseling, you undoubtedly want to know how relationship therapy works. Therapy sessions will probably not be extremely confrontational in the beginning. This is due to the fact that relationship therapy starts with your therapist asking you and your partner questions to learn about your background and the causes of your marital or relationship issues.
Every partner will get an opportunity to speak and present their perspective. The relationship therapist could even ask for separate sessions from each spouse after the first one so that they can discuss things that they might not feel comfortable discussing with their partner.
How to Find a Relationship Therapist
A variety of professionals, such as licensed clinical social workers, licensed counselors, registered marital and family therapists, and clinical psychologists, can provide relationship therapy. Though their term refers to “marriage,” keep in mind that relationship therapy is beneficial to single people as well. However, if you really want someone who is experienced in relationship topics, you will want to seek a relationship therapist.
Asking friends and family for recommendations can be a more successful method of starting your search for a therapist, even if most people’s first instinct when seeking one is to head online. There are dozens of licensed therapists in your area, so choosing one should not be difficult. If you want to broaden your choice and seek a certain profile of therapist regardless of their working area, consider online sessions, which are equally efficient and could help you with anything you need.
Online Relationship Counseling
If you and your partner find that traditional in-person therapy isn’t working or isn’t possible, online therapy may be a great alternative. There are several reasons to consider trying online counseling. For instance, your spouse and you don’t share a residence. This may be relevant to those in long-distance relationships or separated individuals contemplating a permanent break.
Or, you have to travel quite a bit for work. Thanks to online choices, people may benefit from therapy regardless of their location or how hectic their calendar is. Sometimes, traditional treatment does not feel comfortable for you or your partner. For some people, receiving therapy in person might be difficult, awkward, or even anxiety-inducing. Relationship counseling may be easier to obtain with web-based tools.
Work Together Towards Your Relationship Goal
You could discover that counseling is beneficial if your relationship is having problems. A therapist may help you and your spouse identify the underlying causes of your issues, develop fresh lines of communication, and fortify your bond.
You and your partner may resolve any issues you may be facing and strengthen your relationship by agreeing to seek therapy together. Talk to each other and choose the therapist together. Don’t forget that relationships require work, and sometimes, getting help from a relationship expert is just what you need to feel closer to each other and become more intimate than ever before.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Relationship-therapist-near-me-scaled.jpg17072560Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-05-06 08:53:032024-05-06 08:53:03Relationship Therapist Near Me: How to Get Help Right Away
How to Convince Your Partner to Go to Therapy With You
If you’re in a relationship or a marriage, you have already experienced the good and the bad and might have considered ways of convincing your spouse or partner to go to therapy with you. No relationship is perfect, and it requires a lot of communication to understand each other’s needs and wants, so talking to someone who might guide you both to become the couple you want to be could be the solution you need. Therefore, understanding how to convince your partner to go to therapy is crucial.
If your partner or spouse doesn’t feel as strongly about the benefits of therapy as you do, give them some time. In the meantime, do your best to share everything they will get from sessions and work with you on strengthening your union. Knowing how to convince your partner to go to therapy can make a significant difference in your relationship.
The Power of Couples Therapy
Marital therapy, couples counseling, and couples therapy are other names for couples therapy. It’s a form of family therapy that can help examine why two individuals disagree. This kind of relationship therapy also emphasizes communication skill improvement for a romantic relationship to recover and flourish. Marital counseling or couples therapy may have numerous advantages when two people are committed to it. It may play a crucial role in establishing a partnership based on trust, respect, and concern for one another.
The advantages of relationship therapy can vary depending on the pair seeking assistance. The greater the level of commitment both you and your partner are prepared to make to your relationship, the more likely it is to succeed.
Having someone you both trust is essential when looking for a competent couples therapist. After hearing what you both say, your therapist may provide frank, fair, and impartial comments. Hearing what someone else says about our relationship gives us a fresh perspective. That impartial third person can hear all sides and provide you with insightful comments and suggestions on different areas of your relationship or marriage.
How to Convince Your Partner to Go to Therapy With You
If you’re certain that you want to try therapy, yet your partner doesn’t agree, be patient. There are certain things you can do to help your partner understand how therapy can make your relationship and your individual lives better. Learning how to convince your partner to go to therapy involves patience, communication, and understanding.
Ask Them Why
Before judging or encouraging your partner to try couples therapy with you, ask them for their reasons. Why don’t they like therapy? Are they afraid of something? What do they think might happen? Understanding why your partner doesn’t consider couples therapy a good idea might help you understand each other better. Once you know their reasons, it will be much easier to know your options.
Share Your Reasons
Oftentimes, your partner might assume that by going to therapy, you’re expressing your unhappiness about the relationship. Explain to them the real reasons why you think therapy would benefit your relationship. For instance, you might want to feel closer to them, work on setting boundaries that would work for both of you, or look to solve a recurring argument in a relationship.
Connect with a Couple That Goes to Therapy
Do you have a friend who went to or is going to couples therapy with their partner? If they are willing to share that experience, this might show your partner that it’s not at all as they imagined it. Also, if they hear from someone else about the numerous benefits of couples therapy, it might be more effective.
Talk about Boundaries
When trying a new thing, especially as a couple, it’s important to establish boundaries. Your partner might feel insecure about certain topics or areas of their life, so respecting their needs is essential before going into therapy. Allow them to gain trust in your therapist first. They might need more time than you to open up about certain things, yet once they feel secure enough, they will feel more open to the idea of sharing more vulnerable experiences or thoughts.
Test the Idea
Explain to your partner or spouse that you can try different therapists before you commit to the one you both like. Not only that, you can get them to be more interested in couples therapy if you tell them that this doesn’t have to be a commitment at all. Suggest trying one session and seeing how they feel about it. With a good therapist, they will probably want to give it another shot before you start going to therapy regularly. Knowing how to convince your partner to go to therapy can lead to a more positive experience for both of you.
Find the Common Objective
Besides sharing your reasons why you want to try couples or marriage therapy, also try to focus on the common goal. For instance, if you’re engaged, you can tell your partner that you want to be even more intimate with them as you’re approaching marriage. Or, you might want to start working on some issues before you go on a longer vacation together. Framing the idea of therapy as a tool to enjoy something that matters to you both might improve the chances of your partner actually going to therapy with you.
Know When to Quit
If your partner is certain that they don’t want to go to therapy even after trying all these suggestions from our list, respect it. Maybe it’s not the right time for them to do therapy. However, this doesn’t mean that you can’t open up this subject with them in a few months. Be mindful of how your partner feels, and instead of forcing a solution, try to be more supportive.
Conclusion
There is no doubt that any relationship can benefit from therapy, even the one that ended. However, we are not all aware of the benefits that couples or marriage therapy can bring to our relationship. If your partner or spouse doesn’t want to go to therapy, talk to them about it. Ask them about their reasons and think about ways you can make them feel more comfortable with that suggestion. Also, if you’re not in therapy and are only considering couples therapy, think about finding a therapist for yourself and working on improving your mental and emotional health. In the end, there are so many things we can give to ourselves without expecting to receive them from someone else! Knowing how to convince your partner to go to therapy can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/How-to-convince-your-partner-to-go-to-therapy-scaled.jpg17072560Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-03-22 07:18:072024-07-24 12:45:36How to Convince Your Partner to Go to Therapy With You
Power struggles in relationships refer to a competition between partners to gain more control and influence, and how partners deal with it might break or strengthen their relationship. Regardless of how much you love each other, you will almost certainly disagree. That said, it’s essential to keep in mind that disagreements are not the same as power struggles.
Insisting that only your opinion and needs matter in the relationship can tremendously impact how power conflicts are formed. Whether you are not respecting your partner’s boundaries or ignoring their take on a certain issue, it is something that should be revised if you want to be in a loving, fulfilling relationship.
What are Power Struggles?
Fighting for power and influence may become obvious early in a relationship, yet sometimes it only becomes a problem once significant issues are discussed and not resolved. In addition to divergent viewpoints and opinions, emotional difficulties experienced by one or both spouses can also lead to power conflicts.
For example, insecure attachment patterns might cause someone to cede control over significant decisions due to a fear of being rejected or abandoned. An individual with personality disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder or antisocial personality disorder may feel compelled to control and dominate their relationship.
If unresolved power conflicts are the result of a mental health issue, only a mental health specialist may be able to determine this with accuracy. One spouse making all the decisions in the relationship while the other often feels ignored and unheard, angry, and unhappy would be a classic example of a power struggle in relationships.
Signs of Power Struggles
Power battles can negatively impact relationships, harmony, and general well-being. Identifying the warning signals of a power struggle is critical to resolving the situation and creating a more positive dynamic.
Frequent Conflicts
Power struggles can take the form of ongoing arguments and confrontations. These disputes usually center on dominance assertion, control, or decision-making. Couples may argue too much and too often, each trying to get their wants and preferences to win.
Control
One partner continuously tries to dominate and control the other in a power struggle. They could try to control their partner’s choices, behaviors, or decisions by employing a variety of strategies, including coercion, manipulation, or even threats.
Unwillingness to Compromise
In a relationship, the power struggle stage is characterized by a reluctance or inability to compromise. Both parties could maintain inflexible stances and be hesitant to compromise or find common ground. Because neither partner is prepared to give in, decision-making processes become difficult and may result in ongoing arguments in partnerships with power struggles.
Manipulation
One typical strategy used in power disputes is manipulation. It may entail guilt-tripping, manipulating emotions, or other subtly effective strategies to obtain the upper hand in the relationship. Manipulative actions destroy confidence and create a poisonous atmosphere where authority is used as a weapon.
Lack of Intimacy
One spouse may use closeness, love, or emotional support to control the other during power battles. They could cut off communication to manipulate or punish the other person. Withholding intimacy or love can erode the relationship’s general closeness and trust while also causing emotional estrangement.
Criticism
You and your spouse are prone to getting defensive toward one another as a result of power disputes. It’s challenging to maintain your composure when you’re questioning your ability to function as a cohesive unit. Being locked off might make people more critical of one another’s intentions, words, and deeds.
When criticism is delivered without a real apology or an effort to mend the connection, it damages your friendship permanently. To get over this phase of a power struggle, you and your spouse need to identify what is causing you to defend yourself. Relationships thrive when vulnerability, empathy, and mutual acceptance are encouraged where criticism used to be.
Resolving Power Struggles in Relationships
Conflict resolution techniques are crucial for having meaningful conversations about difficult issues and reaching a mutually beneficial solution. In a partnership, preventing and resolving power conflicts requires active listening, aggressive communication, and daily love choices.
Other things to start implementing in your relationships to resolve power struggles are:
Express your emotions; before doing so, take a deep breath to understand what you feel.
Focus on similarities between you and your partner instead of differences, as they are the foundation of each relationship.
Learn to identify your partner’s needs and prepare to compromise.
Be clear about your needs and expectations.
Talk to your partner about your different perspectives to help understand each other better.
Value your partner’s perspective, and don’t compare it to your own. We are all different, and what works or matters to you might not be the right option for your partner.
It is also highly recommended that you seek help from a mental health counselor, whether individually or as a couple. They can investigate potential reasons for your difficulties and suggest useful coping techniques.
It’s normal to feel anxious about relationship changes as well. The tug-of-war that emerges during the power struggle stage might harm your relationship. Instead, gaining strength as a couple during this period requires learning new techniques and abilities. It is possible to reach new depths of comprehension, better appreciate diversity, and develop your capacity for disagreeing.
Conclusion
Power struggles in relationships can be detrimental to both parties’ general satisfaction and well-being. Addressing the underlying issues and achieving a more balanced dynamic require identifying the warning signs of a power struggle.
When there is an obvious imbalance of power or when there is a fundamental difference of opinion, partners may fight for control of the relationship, leading to power conflicts.
Not everything negative comes from power struggles. By reaching an agreement, identifying common ground, and using positive conflict resolution, you can improve your relationship and understand your spouse.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/Power-Struggles-in-Relationships-scaled.jpg17072560Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-03-18 07:52:392024-07-24 12:47:52Power Struggles in Relationships
Journey to Lasting Love: With a Relationship Coach
In this space, we will explore the ways in which a relationship coach can assist you in discovering long-lasting love and fostering healthy connections with others. If you are seeking fruitful partnerships and personal development, then you have arrived at the correct destination. Allow me to delve into the captivating realm of a relationship coach and shed light on its transformative nature.
Finding Out What a Relationship Coach Is
A relationship coach is a knowledgeable guide who can assist you on your romantic journey, aiding you in understanding the intricacies of emotions, communication, and personal interactions. If you are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with a licensed psychotherapist outside of your insurance coverage. You can truly delve into somatic practices that can help you achieve the life you desire.
They offer valuable insights and support as you navigate the complexities of your relationships. By providing guidance and expertise, a relationship coach can help you better understand emotions, improve communication, and navigate personal dynamics.
As you venture into the realm of partnerships, whether you’re beginning a relationship or committed in marriage, a relationship coach becomes your compass, aiding you in finding your true north amidst the sea of emotions.
Creating Your Plan for Success
You are going on a road trip and you have a map with you. In the same way, a relationship coach provides you with the tools and strategies needed to navigate your relationship. During this transformative journey, you will discover opportunities for personal growth, overcome challenges, and create meaningful connections. Your coach’s guidance is invaluable, as it helps you construct a satisfying and enduring love story.
Your road trip begins with a map by your side, just as a relationship coach equips you with the necessary tools and strategies to navigate your relationship effectively. Embarking on this transformative journey, you will have the opportunity to identify areas for personal growth, overcome obstacles that come your way, and establish meaningful connections with your partner. The advice and guidance provided by your coach will serve as your greatest asset, enabling you to build a fulfilling and enduring love story together.
Teaching The Key to Connection
Sometimes, it can be a bit puzzling to truly experience the sensation of being truly understood, appreciated, and deeply connected with others. In situations like these, turning to a relationship coach with extensive experience of over 15 years can be incredibly valuable. Their expertise lies in deciphering the intricate language of love, enabling you to communicate in a way that resonates and brings about positive change. By actively listening and showing empathy towards one another, you can effectively convey your thoughts, desires. And concerns while gaining a profound understanding of your partner’s perspective.
Strengthening the bond and fostering a sense of togetherness in any relationship requires effective and harmonious communication. It serves as a bridge, spanning the differences that may crop up and fostering a renewed sense of hope and inspiration. The truth is, every relationship faces challenging periods that put your connection and resilience to the test. During these trying times, a skilled relationship coach becomes your unwavering companion, aiding you in navigating obstacles gracefully. Through their guidance, you and your partner can emerge even stronger and more united, tackling conflicts, building trust, and overcoming external pressures that may arise.
Incorporating a Relationship Coach into Your Story
So, how can you incorporate a relationship coach into your journey? Start by identifying relationship weaknesses. Relationship coaches personalized their advice to help you start a new relationship, revive an old one, or find love again after emotional cheating.
Discovering yourself is part of finding lasting love. With your coach, you will discover your strengths, overcome limiting beliefs, and discover yourself. Your well-being and relationship skills improve with this holistic approach.
A relationship coach empowers you to find your own solutions, not to impose them. With their help, you will build trust, understanding, and growth.
As you work with a relationship coach, imagine the possibilities. Together, you’ll embark on an enriching expedition that transcends the ordinary and brings out the extraordinary in your relationship. Share your experience to demonstrate the positive impact of working with a trained relationship coach. Here’s to writing a timeless love story with a relationship coach by your side.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/Relationship-Coach.png7201280Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2024-02-19 09:30:102024-07-24 17:35:22Journey to Lasting Love: With a Relationship Coach
If you’re looking for a clear answer to what is consent, the first thing you will need to know is that it’s about mutually respecting yourself and the other person you are getting consent from.
When someone gives you their consent, it means they are permitting you or agreeing to express something with you!
Consent cannot be assumed just because someone is silent, hasn’t said the word ‘no,’ or because the sexual partners have a relationship or sexual past together.
Consent may be revoked at any time.
Force, threat, or intimidation are not acceptable methods for obtaining consent.
A person who is in any way incapacitated cannot give consent.
Before diving into this topic, there are a few things to remember when having sexual relations with someone.
What is Consent?
Sexual consent means agreeing to participate in a specific sexual activity. Before being sexual with another person, you will need to know if they truly want to be sexual with you as well. On the other side, make sure you’ve communicated what you want with your partner before initiating intercourse or any other sexual activity.
Both consenting and asking for one serve to encourage people to set their own boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. Also, it serves to check if everything is clear and, if not, to communicate it properly before sex. Both partners must give sexual consent each time before engaging in sexual activity for the sex to be considered consensual.
Without sexual consent, any sexual activity, from oral sex or genital touching to vaginal or anal penetration, is considered sexual assault or rape. You have every right to decide what happens to your body. It doesn’t matter if you were up for it ten minutes ago and even said ‘yes’ to your sexual partner; you can change your mind freely. Every person is allowed to say “stop” at any time before and during sexual activity, and their partner must respect it.
You have to be a person that is comfortable and gracious about receiving a no. That is what consent is. If you guilt someone, or pressure them when they say “no,” that is not consensual. That is covertly manipulating a situation to get your needs met.
Sexual Assault and Rape
Who can consent to sexual activity is regulated by law. Someone who is drunk, high, or passed out cannot consent sexually. Minors are protected from sexual activity with adults. Meaning, sex with a minor resulted in jail time and sex offender registration.
Despite their legal definitions, rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse all begin with lack of consent. All of these involve unconsented sexual contact. This means that sexual contact without consent is rape, assault, or abuse.
Anyone can be a victim of rape, sexual assault, or sexual abuse, regardless of their age, gender, or sexual orientation. That said, certain groups of people are more likely than others to experience sexual assault. We particularly want to recognize that women of color, LGBTIA+ individuals, and those with developmental disabilities are more likely to experience sexual assault.
There are numerous ways in which sexual violence can occur. Rape or sexual assault can occur without a weapon, and the victim does not have to fight back, scream, or say ‘no’. Our most common image is of sexual assaults in dark alleyways with strangers, even though that is rare. Family, relatives, and romantic partners often are the perpetrator.
If you or anyone you know has experienced any type of sexual violence, keep in mind that you’re not alone and that help is available to all victims of sexual violence.
How to Ask For Consent
Most of the time, you’ll hear people talking about giving consent before a certain sexual activity. However, asking for consent is equally important in communication between two individuals who will become sexual partners. Both partners need to give their consent to have sex.
Openly discussing consent with your partner is best. Request it in multiple formats. Instead of saying the same thing over and over, ask your partner if they are ready to engage in sexual activity, and then confirm with them if they are comfortable with how things went later.
Asking for consent does not have to slow down or diminish sexual desire. While communicating and being intimate with your partner, you can request consent. Although consent is required before any sexual activity, make an effort to communicate with the person you are getting to know more about. If you are about to have sex with your long-term partner, you probably already know whether or not they want to have sex at that particular time. However, asking for consent implies consent from both partners in a relationship.
How to Give Consent
Like asking for consent, you should give your consent to your partner. That will inform them that you agree to continue being sexually intimate with them and give them the ‘green light’ to proceed. You are not, nevertheless, required to wait for your partner to inquire whether you are enjoying the foreplay. In other words, a person can give consent without waiting for their partner to ask for it.
Informing your partner that you consent to having sex with them helps you both be transparent about your sexual desires and allows you to connect sexually. However, don’t confuse giving consent with receiving it. You will still need to hear your partner say they are okay with moving things forward sexually to continue with a certain sexual activity. Once both partners have given their consent, you can proceed with sex and make the most of it together.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life atWhat We Do.
https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/what-is-consent-scaled.jpg16842560Amanda Pasciuccohttps://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/12/logo-purple-horizontal.gifAmanda Pasciucco2023-11-06 07:03:312023-11-06 04:54:51What Is Consent in a Relationship?