Female Anal Orgasm

Female Anal Orgasm: Learn All About It Here

Female Anal Orgasm: Learn All About It Here

 

As there is still not much talk around female anal orgasm, many women are curious to learn more about it and understand what to expect when having anal sex for the first time. Activities that involve anal sex are touching, fingering, licking, penetrating, and anything else that builds that sexual pleasure you feel before, during, and after anal sex. 

The great thing about anal sex is that it can be enjoyable for both men and women. Yet, when talking about female anal orgasms, there are some tricks that might help you make this experience more pleasurable for you and your sex partner. 

What Do You Need To Know About Anal Orgasm? 

When you’re having an anal orgasm, it will feel like very intense, profound waves of pleasure are beginning inside of your body and radiate through it. For those who are trying anal sex, it might feel a bit uncomfortable at first because you will need time to adjust to penetration back there. It shouldn’t cause you pain, however, it’s vital that you feel relaxed and comfortable with the sexual activity to avoid pain or discomfort. 

Unlike vaginal sex, women will need to prepare for anal sex to have a better experience for both partners. Feeling relaxed and aroused before anal sex is crucial for both avoiding the pain and enjoying the game a bit more.

How To Prepare For Anal Sex? 

There are many ways a woman can prepare for anal sex, especially if it’s her first time. Try to indulge in something that is erotic for you. If you feel more turned on, it will become easier for you to enjoy the butt play. You can watch porn or think about your fantasies you always come back to to make you feel more turned on. 

If you need to relax your body, you should consider taking a hot bath as it can help you lose your muscles and enhance blood flow to all parts. During your bath, you can give the erogenous zones a bit of rub-a-dub and play with your anus while you are washing it up. 

Another thing that might help you prepare for the anal game is practicing with a butt plug. You can do it alone or with your sex partner, it’s up to you. Using sex toys like this can also give you a pretty good idea of how anal sex will feel like for you. So, make sure you are taking it slow and enjoying playing around with your butt plug. You can have your partner use it to tease your butt before actually inserting it. 

When you feel ready for your anal orgasm, make sure you communicate it with your partner and, more importantly, prepare some lube. When it comes to anal, you will notice how much difference it makes to have anal sex with and without lube. Not to mention that it’s vital for anal sex safety. 

Exploring The Anal Game 

Those who are without anal sex experience tend to be very surprised when they start discovering all the diversity in anal sex. There are many moves you will like to try out once you are a member of the A-game. 

One of the most recommended ways to reach an even better anal orgasm is to have your partner licking your erogenous zones with his tongue just before the penetration. He can use the tip of his tongue to tease your cheeks before sex and then tease you around your anus. This will produce more intense ways than you could imagine.

Another way to enhance the butt hame is with your and/or your partner’s fingers. Put the lube on the finger, insert it into the anus and curl your or your partner’s finger upward at a pace you feel comfortable with. If wanted, you can even try inserting a second finger.

Also, you can rub the pad of the finger in a circular motion near the A-spot or P-spot. Circle slowly around that area and pick up the pace when you feel ready. You can play with the size of the circles, and also with the speed to discover what gets you faster to an anal orgasm. 

Adding More Stimulations

If there is a lot of clitoral or vaginal stimulation, you will notice the sexual pleasure growing inside you, so don’t focus only on the anal game. Avoid limiting yourself, you might discover you enjoy when your partner is licking and kissing your nipples and that helps you reach a better anal orgasm.

Or, you might notice that you enjoy when your partner is stimulating your clitoris by using hands, fingers or sex toys. The entire sexual experience is very individual for each person so what works for you, might not work for your friend. 

That’s why it’s recommended to practice and really dedicate your time to explore more the anal game and to understand what you like and don’t like. 

Why You Need A Lube?

As already mentioned, lube is quite important in anal play. Without the lube, penetrating a finger, toy, or penis might be dangerous. With a rough penetration, the skin can tear up and you also increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections. 

You can use a lube that is based on water or silicone as these two options work well with condoms and any sex toy you want to use. Many might assume that anal sex is much safer than vaginal sex because it cannot lead to pregnancy, however, STIs are possible so it’s important to practice safe anal sex. 

Wrap Up

The anal game can be a lot of fun and you will probably experience some of the most intense orgasms in your life, yet don’t forget to prepare your body and be safe at all times. If it’s your first time, make sure you take it slow and do it with someone you trust as it will help you to relax. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Intense Female Orgasm

Intense Female Orgasm: All The Things You Should Know About It

Intense Female Orgasm: All The Things You Should Know About It

 

As it is completely individual, we rarely talk about all things both women and men should know about intense female orgasm. From different types of orgasms a woman can have to what helps a woman feel sexual pleasure before, during and after sex, all of these details are helping us understand the nature of female sexuality and bring a better overall experience to women. 

How a intense female orgasm differs from a male orgasm? Do women truly distinctively think about sex from men? We’ve gathered all relevant information regarding female orgasms to solve the mystery around it once and for all. 

Types of Intense Female Orgasm

Yes, we might say female orgasm, however, there are different types of orgasms a woman can experience during sex with their partner. Clitoral, vaginal, cervical, or the one that results from stimulating erogenous zones are the orgasm types most women have experienced in their lives. Some of them will also experience different orgasms, depending on the sexual activity they have with their sexual partner, while others will mostly experience only one orgasm type. 

Also, there is a percentage of women who are unable to orgasm due to various reasons. All of these reasons can be grouped into two categories – emotional and psychological reasons. It’s recommendable for them to talk to a therapist or any other professional that will help them work out these issues and allow them to start enjoying their orgasms. 

Erogenous Zones

As we’ve mentioned above, you can orgasm from someone touching, licking, and kissing your erogenous zones – neck, nipples, feet, behind the knee, earlobe, etc. For an area to become an erogenous zone will depend on someone stimulating that area arouses you. 

It might surprise you that many women can orgasm from nipple stimulation. If you’re interested in nipple orgasm, put your hands on your breasts, and start caressing and squeezing them, while touching other parts of your body as well. Then, you will slowly start teasing your areola with your fingertips until you start feeling excited, and continue with rubbing and pinching your nipples until your reach the climax. 

If you’re not sure what your erogenous zones are, you can easily explore your body and find out. Lay naked on your bed, grab a feather, and slowly start touching each part of your body until you figure out where you feel something. It might be that you feel a tickle or any other sensation in your body that will later bring you incredible sexual pleasure and some of the most amazing orgasms you’ve ever had. 

G-Spot

Of course, we can not take about erogenous zones without mentioning the most important area of your body – the G-spot. This is an area along the front wall of the vagina. When stimulated, it brings incredible orgasms for some women. The best way to reach the G-spot is with the fingers or a curved vibrator specifically made for the G-spot.

To reach it easily, make sure you’re in a squatting position. Insert the vibrator or fingers up toward the belly button and start moving them until you discover which pace works best for you. If you feel like you have to pee, that’s a completely normal sensation. Just keep going until the full-body release!

All the Feels of an Orgasm

Every orgasm is different, some will be more intense, while others will be completely incomparable to everything you’ve ever felt before. These are some of the things you can expect to happen in your body during an orgasm: 

  • The vagina and uterus will contract rapidly. 
  • You will notice your muscles contracting in other body parts, such as the abdomen or feet. 
  • Your breathing and heart rate will speed up. 
  • Your blood pressure will increase.
  • You might feel a relief of sexual tension or ejaculate during your orgasm. 

Male vs Female Orgasm

You might assume that male and female orgasm differ significantly, yet it’s not the case. Both male and female orgasm will send increased blood flow to the male or female genitals, accelerate breathing and heart rate, while other muscles in your body will contract as well. 

The difference between them can be seen in two aspects – duration and recovery. Female orgasms last longer than male orgasms, ranging from 13 to 50 seconds, whereas male orgasms range from 10 to 30 seconds. Another thing to keep in mind is that female orgasms can lead to repetition if stimulated again, also known as multiple orgasms. Also, male orgasm will involve ejaculation, while female orgasm doesn’t need to involve ejaculation every time. 

How to Orgasm More

For those who either haven’t experienced an orgasm before or wish to improve their experience, there is a way to practice having better and more frequent orgasms. The most important thing is to eliminate the pressure if you feel any. You should feel relaxed and be in the exploratory mode to climax. 

Take time to explore your body and see what feels good and what doesn’t. So, get comfortable and find a place where you will feel safe and relax to play with your body. You can use your imagination or read an erotic story to start things off. Slowly, start massaging the area above the clitoris until you get wet. 

If you need help, use lube and continue with your message. Once you’ve found a spot and rhythm that feel good, start rubbing faster and harder, while also increasing the speed and adding more pressure to make it more intense until you orgasm.  

If you didn’t manage to orgasm, don’t worry. You can always try it again and play a bit more. The important thing is not to think of this as failing. You are simply getting to know your body and understanding what brings you the sexual pleasure you need to orgasm. There are no rights and wrongs, so don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t orgasm right away. 

Instead, try different things or techniques. You can use a sex toy, watch a sexy movie, masturbate in the shower, use more lube, etc. The more things you try out, the better you’ll understand your sex drive. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Real Female Orgasm

Everything You Didn’t Know About A Real Female Orgasm

Everything You Didn’t Know About A Real Female Orgasm

 

Female sexuality has been raising curiosity for centuries now, whether from scientists, media, or the general public, and topics such as a real female orgasm were often vaguely covered without too many details. Understanding female orgasm is often confusing for women, not only for men. This complex mystery is slowly getting solved as the world is focused on finding out the answers to questions we wanted to know for a long period, such as ‘Where is a G spot?’, ‘Does a woman need to orgasm to experience sexual pleasure?’, and so on. 

So, we’ve decided to gather all these questions into one article and give you everything you need to know about female orgasms. 

Why do women have orgasms? 

When talking about male orgasms, the benefits are quite clear. Men ejaculate in order to deposit sperm into the vagina, which might or might not lead to pregnancy. Simply put, the male orgasm serves evolutionary purposes. 

However, this is not that clear with female orgasm. Many scientists have been researching various potential benefits, yet only a few have been tested and none of the theories around it has conclusive scientific support. Putting all these assumptions aside, the pleasure a woman gets from orgasming is incredibly vital for her sexual life. It motivates females to have sex, enhances the relationship they have with their sexual partner, and it doesn’t have to involve evolutionary benefits. 

How does a female orgasm feel? 

During arousal, the flow of blood to the genitals will increase, which will cause the genitals to become more sensitive. With arousal, a woman will also experience an increase in heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate. As the orgasm is approaching, the woman’s muscles will twitch or spasm. When talking about female orgasm stages, although theories still differ, these four specific stages have been accepted as the most valid ones:

  1. Excitement: The moments when arousal builds,
  2. Plateau: The moments when arousal start increasing,
  3. Orgasm: It causes intense feelings of sexual pleasure,
  4. Resolution: The moments when arousal diminishes.

What are the benefits of a female orgasm? 

Before going into the benefits of female orgasm, you will need to keep in mind that none of the health benefits have enough scientific evidence to support them. When talking about health, scientists still haven’t discovered benefits that improve health in any way when having regular female orgasms.

However, there is a great benefit in experiencing the pleasure that comes with an orgasm. Having sex you enjoy might enhance your mood, relieve stress, boost your immunity, and foster better relationships. Another thing that’s important to mention is that a woman doesn’t need to have an orgasm in order to get pregnant. 

Is the lack of female orgasm connected with psychological issues?

Trauma, issues in your relationship, and poor mental health might make it difficult for you to orgasm, however, it’s not a rule. Many women who have healthy sexual attitudes and quality relationships will still have difficulties when orgasming. 

Orgasms are both physical and psychological responses, and there are many health issues that might make it complicated to enjoy your orgasms. Another thing that might occur is vulvodynia, unexplained pain in the vagina that women feel during sexual pleasure. All in all, if someone is unable to orgasm, the reasons for it should be looked at individually.  

Can women have vaginal orgasms?

Vaginal orgasms are less common than orgasms from clitoral stimulation, yet some women have reported experiencing them with or without other stimulation. Keep in mind that female orgasms might result from numerous forms of stimulation, including vaginal, clitoral, and nipple. How one person orgasms will depend greatly on them, some might only experience orgasm from the vaginal stimulation, while others only from clitoral. 

Do women need to be in love to orgasm? 

As a complex psychological and biological experience, orgasming will not be the same experience for every woman. There are women who need to feel loved in order to orgasm, while they are others who may not. Having a loving relationship with your sexual partner may or may not influence your ability to orgasm during sex. 

Having an orgasm is more about the right type of stimulation for this person, yet it also includes a lot of different factors outside their sexual life, like stress, physical ability, and a wide range of other factors. 

Can men always spot a female orgasm? 

It will be very difficult for a man to know if a woman has had an orgasm without asking her. Some women will make noises while having an orgasm, and others may not. Some women will flush or sweat after orgasm, yet others do not. So, the best way for men to know whether their female sexual partner has had an orgasm is to directly ask her. As a man, you should know that not having an orgasm doesn’t mean that a woman isn’t enjoying the sex. Female orgasms are just very different from male orgasms.

Can masturbation help with having more female orgasms?

Yes and no. Discovering your own body and understanding which spots of your body make your feel good will help you see what you need in order to orgasm. Remember, not every woman requires the same type of stimulation in order to orgasm. Maybe you’ll discover when you touch your nipples, you feel incredible sexual pleasure and orgasm faster. If you communicate this to your sexual partner, they will know what you need to orgasm. 

Keep in mind that if you have always struggled with orgasm when having sex with your partners, it might be too optimistic to expect to have frequent orgasms now that you masturbate. Instead of putting too much pressure on yourself, you should think of your sexuality as something you enjoy exploring and if something doesn’t work quite well, investigate deeper and find what’s your preferred way of doing it.

Wrap Up

Every woman is different, so every female orgasm will be different. That’s why it’s vital that women are talking amongst them about sex topics, including orgasm. The less stigma there is about orgasms, it will become easier for women to surrender to pure sexual pleasure that leads to fantastic orgasms.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Best Sex Toys For Women

Best Sex Toys For Women

 

If you’re looking for the best sex toys for women, keep on reading as we did our research on what’s hot right now. Just like any other woman out there, you are probably looking to upgrade your orgasm game, and there’s no shame in that! The market of female sex toys will leave you speechless and you will easily find something that will bring you pleasure on a daily basis.

Take a look at 7 products that women around the world recommend you to start using when you’re alone in bed and need some action. Of course, all of them can be used as a sex prop with your partner as well.

 

#1 Womanizer Liberty

There are several reasons why Womanizer Liberty deserves to be at the top list of best sex toys for women. The first one is that it was designed in a way you can take it on your trips and always have it by your side. In other words, it doesn’t limit your orgasm only to your bedroom. Wherever you will go, this pleasure toy can travel now with you.

Second, its Pleasure Air Technology pulsates waves of contactless suction which creates an amazing sensation, reported by all the women who have already had their fun with Womanizer Liberty. Third, it’s also perfect for women who have sensitive clitoris as it surrounds it, rather than directly touching it. Last but not least, it comes with different patterns and changing modes so you can adjust the suction level. How awesome is that?

Price: $99.00

 

#2 Dame Pillo

You probably wouldn’t think first of a pillow when talking about female sex toys, right? Well, you will be really surprised to find out that Dame Pillo is exactly what you need if you need to upgrade your missionary or doggy-style position. It’s soft yet firm support for almost any angle and most importantly, it will blend perfectly with other pillows on your bed. 

Once you try it for the first time, you will be impressed that something that doesn’t vibrate can cause so much pleasure and incredible orgasms. Best of all, you don’t have to be afraid of damaging it, it’s machine washable and water resistant!

Price: $95.00

 

#3 MysteryVibe Crescendo

If you have ever owned a vibrator, you know how frustrating it was to only have an ON/OFF button when playing with it. Nowadays, vibrators are more customizable to match the level of your fantasies. If you’re looking for a vibrator that will do exactly that, you should try MysteryVibe Crescendo. A sex toy that even won the award for being the most flexible vibrator in the world. 

With its six power motors, it will stimulate your erogenous zones while bending into an endless number of positions. If the fact that it’s designed to mimic our fingers isn’t enough for you, you can go even one step further and start using their Smart App to allow your partner to have control of your pleasure. 

Price: $129.00

 

#4 We Vibe Nova Rabbit Vibrator

As said above, women and vibrators go way back, so you can easily find various categories of this sex toy. One of the categories is rabbit vibrators, and the product that’s getting a lot of praise from its customers is The Nova from We Vibe. You can use this rabbit vibrator with a remote-controlled app and it will follow your moves to produce even more pleasure. 

It’s also perfectly curved to reach the G-spot and you can play with it as long as you want as The Nova lasts really long between charges. It is waterproof and made of body-safe medical-grade silicone making it easy to clean and enjoy without worries. For those looking for a bit of dynamic in their solo game, you’d be pleased to hear that The Nova comes with 10 vibration modes. 

Price: $99.00

 

#5 Lelo F1s Red

If you’ve been searching for a toy that will leave you speechless, then it’s Lelo F1s Red. This ultimate pleasure toy is a high-tech device that links to an app to create maximum pleasure. Simply put, it’s a penis sleeve with double strength, four unique program variations and ten highly sensitive sensors.

What differentiates this toy from all the others on our list is that it’s interactive. By providing feedback about its performance through the app. You are building a set of programs that will guarantee you quite spectacular orgasms – just how you like it!

Price: $219.00

 

#6 Finger Pro by Bellesa

We all know that a good manual stimulation is the easiest way to a good orgasm, yet not many toys are focused on producing that same sensation you get from the fingering game. Finger Pro, a silicone sleeve, fits onto your finger and goes above and beyond when it comes to clit sensations. 

In the center, it’s designed as a tongue to ensure that those who are looking for super sensitive experiences can make the most of it. Just keep in mind that with this toy, you will get to orgasm really fast, so if you’re more of a take-it-slow person, just enjoy the textured tip and the effect it has on your clitoris. 

Price: $39.00

 

#7 Ohnut set of silicone rings

Who said that every girl dreams of a diamond ring? With an Ohnut set of silicone rings, you will dive into the depth of your sexual fantasies and will never want to come back. These silicone rings are quite innovative by being comfortable for both the wearer and the receiver. It’s a great solution for not only those who wish to enjoy their orgasms more profoundly. But it’s also created for those who usually find penetration quite painful. 

By being a buffer between two partners, it provides a pleasurable sexual experience that can lead to all types of sensations, except the painful ones. The rings are made of FDA body-safe material and they are condom compatible. After all, even when playing, you should be thinking of protecting yourself.

Price: $65.00

 

Let the games begin…

These are some of the best sex toys for women currently on the market. However, if you haven’t quite found what you were looking for, keep on digging! Your pleasure is something you should never ignore. Every now and then, we need a break from all the responsibilities and daily stress we experience.

Find the right toy that will give you the orgasm of your life every time you use it. Just think about what stimulations you usually like in bed, and buy yourself an appropriate toy to play with. Let the games begin!

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Real Female Orgasm

For many women, a real female orgasm is a challenge to achieve depending on their partners likes and dislikes.

Some who experience a real female orgasm can only achieve it once, and then they think there is no possible way to have multiple orgasms.

Over-sensitivity is the main reason women feel they cannot orgasm again because what felt good before starts to not feel the same after.

We have found these techniques help during the recovery period to achieve multiple real female orgasms:

  • Doing a REWIND!
    • we find when you go back to the initial touch during the warm up stage usually away from the clit.
    • Rubbing between the lips, bringing wetness up and around the external clitorical glands helps.
  • Focus away from the external clit when there is too much stimulation.
  • The Palm Hug or Cup – many women prefer the pressure on the whole mons pubis area after orgasm.

Partnered Female Orgasm

Most women have admitted they just cannot reach multiple orgasms, and while their partners might pressure them into trying it might lead to more disappointment and hurt feelings.

We have found by keeping an open form of communication with your partner and sharing your discoveries can help in the bedroom. Having fun conversations with your friends about what positions or new discoveries is a great way to expand your horizon. Although it might work for your best friend, it might not be what makes you tick. There will be techniques and combinations that wont work but by having lots of patience and enjoy the discovery period with your partner.

Edging is another great way to increase the real female orgasm!

Here are a couple variations of edging to try out for those who are curious:

  • Pausing, going to zero, and rebuilding. With the pause method, you stop all touch before the orgasm, and when the impending orgasm is completely gone, start over from the beginning.
  • Distracting the Orgasm – sudden or intense sensations away from the clit before climax. By shifting your focus away from the clit, it prevents the orgasm from happening. Yet you get to rebuild again and come back to it.
  • Continuous pleasure – with continuous pleasure edging, you get as close to the orgasm as you can before you shift away from the clit.

Bringing it to the bedroom:

  • If you come easily/quickly the pausing or distraction would be best for you to try.
  • If you tend to lose orgasms completely, give continuous edging variation a try.
  • Edging can be difficult because it is so tempting to give in and let the orgasm come crashing over you. Patience is not easy, and just know you are not alone.
  • The point of no return – if you get too close, there is no stopping.
  • Try edging as soon as you get to the climaxing point and notice what happens in your body before the genitals follow, passing the point of no return.

We have also discovered clitoral stimulation or arousal is different from person to person, and even one week to another.

When talking about pleasure, intensity is a word that is definitely correlated with the clitoris.

One woman might compare the intense pressure to jamming something into your body, whereas the next woman compares that same sensation to being tickled.

Building Up Female Orgasm

Layering is a technique which lessens the intensity of connection between partners, yet helps grow multiple real female orgasms slowly.

If you are patient, this technique is for you.

Some techniques of layer are:

  • Wearing layers

    • Leggings over panties
    • Underwear from cotton to silk
    • Being under a sheet
  • Vulva Layers

    • Focusing on the clitoral hood or lips to delay gratification..
    • Stroke around and then, about every third or fourth time, switch from the hood and swipe a lubed finger over the clitoral glans.

Layering is preferred by many as it gets them a build up to help achieve multiple orgasms.

Some women have felt challenged when it comes to layering, so keep in mind the following tips:

  • Don’t get discouraged. Sometimes the mind gets in the way.
  • Pain – a slight shift in one direction could change the sensation from “AMAZING” to “OUCH!” In this case, add more lubricant, check in quickly, and try again.

Experts

Accenting or targeting is another approach to achieve a better orgasm. It’s like a torturous massage, especially if you have a kinky fantasy directed at a certain spot on your body.

Accenting is best after the warmed up stage, when your body is already in a state of arousal or release.

Here are some tip we have found helpful when targeting:

  • It hurts many women after a certain amount of time. Especially if it’s an upward movement on the clit, where there is no hood to protect from below, alter for gentle strokes and minimal pressure.
  • Don’t get frustrated if it feels great one time and does not the next. Think of the spot like a magician, it can appear and disappear or even move around depending on what is happening inside the receiver’s body.
  • The clit is full of nerves that spread far out under the skin. Feel free to treat it like a scavenger hunt and explore what areas feel the best and worst for you or your partner.

If you need specific techniques for you and your partner(s), we are here to help via text therapy sessions. Discreet and personalized for your needs to achieve pleasure.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Cisgender

What Does Cisgender Mean?

What Does Cisgender Mean?

 

If you are on the mobile app dating scene, you have likely come across the term “cisgender.” 

Whether it is cisgender, straight male or cisgender queer woman, there seem to be endless labels to self-identify.

Let’s go through the basics of gender identity vs sex vs sexuality to gain a deeper understanding of the term cisgender.

 

Mirriam Webster’s Definition of “Cisgender”:

 “Of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity corresponds with the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth.”

This means that if a baby is born, and the doctor assigns them as “male” based on them having a penis or “female” based on them having a vagina, and the person identifies with how they were assigned at birth, they are cisgender, or cis for short.

gender expression

What is Gender?

To better understand and contextualize the term “cisgender,” let’s look at what gender even is.

Gender is a social construct around the “rules” of what is considered masculine and feminine. It is how you identify on the spectrum of these characteristics and is more about how you feel internally than what genitals you have.

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of different gender identities, though in the mainstream up until recently we only had “male” and “female”, aka the gender binary. Now there are people who even identify as being nonbinary, agender or genderqueer. The definition can vary from person to person, though basically it means they do not identify with either spectrum of the gender binary.

When someone lists their pronouns, this is based on their gender identity, which is the way they feel inside about their identity in the context of society’s ideals of masculine and feminine.

 

What is Sex?

Sex is a collection of biological markers and attributes that the scientific community has designated to describe a person’s gender in the past, though now it is becoming more common to not let someone’s biological sex determine their gender identity.

The truth is, even sex isn’t black and white. There are genitals, hormones, chromosomes and other characteristics that can vary wildly, and to not acknowledge that sex and gender are separate excludes folks who are born with ambiguous sex characteristics, otherwise known as people who are intersex.

Your sex is how a member of the medical community would likely describe your physical, biological body, and is not indicative of gender expression. There are men with vaginas, women with penises, and everything and anyone in between.

 

What is Sexuality?

Sexuality is the easiest to understand: it’s about who you do (and don’t) want to have sex with. Someone can be cisgender and gay, because your gender does not dictate your sexuality. Someone can also be transgender and straight, again the two are unrelated.

Sexuality is also said to be on a spectrum, such as the infamous Kinsey Scale. Though it is becoming out of date, it was revolutionary for its time and made the world reconsider the idea of straight and gay, and the wonderful world of sexualities in between, including people who are asexual. They may not want sex at all, or under very specific circumstances!

 

Cisnormativity

Since we live in a colonial, heteronormative culture, the culture is also largely cisnormative, meaning the “default” has always been to assume people are cisgender. It is important for us to consider in which ways we subconsciously enforce cisnormativity, making the world a less inviting place for folks who are not cis.

Some examples include always using the terms “ladies and gentlemen” when addressing a group, or terms like “guys” or “policeman/woman”. Using gender neutral terms for group situations ensures that you have everyone covered with respect. Try using terms like “folks”, “friends”, or for professions that are gendered there are usually alternatives, such as “server” instead of waiter or waitress, or “police officer” instead of policeman or policewoman.

Learning the differences between sex, sexuality and gender have hopefully helped you understand what it means to identify as cisgender, and be a better ally to our nonbinary, trans and two spirit friends.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

Guide to Surviving Conversations in 2020 Post Election Anxiety

 

The 2020 post election anxiety has contributed to an incredibly stressful time for many of us. 

As we gear up for the holiday season during COVID, I thought it pertinent to write about ways to communicate about post election anxiety with various individuals around many important topics.

Most of my sessions the last week or two (minimum) have focused predominantly on the election:

  • whether that was the stress of the outcome
  • human rights concerns 
  • communication on different perspectives and opinions with those around them
  • fear of police brutality
  • fear of civil war or violence within communities
  • issues surrounding boundaries. 

Although I could write a whole post about the election itself and the various observations I have, I imagine that it would be more helpful to hear tricks and tips to navigate this rather than to hear me “rant.” 

 

Check yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Most of all, it is important to remember to check your privilege. 

What do I mean by that? 

Well, the more privilege you have, the more difficult it may be for you to relate to someone who has a different privilege status (i.e a different set of barriers). 

For instance if you are a white, cisgender, middle class, heterosexual woman, you have a different level of privilege compared to someone who is a multiracial, transgender man who lives pay check to pay check. 

I share this because for people of various communities, there were significant policy and human rights issues on the line. 

So if you are coming from different privilege spaces it’s important for you to notice if safety was on the ballot for you this year. 

Safety can look like the right to marry, the right to walk on the street, financial security, health care, rights over your body, etc. 

There are many examples, and these are just BRIEF examples of what that might look like.

I share this because so many of my clients have shared either struggling to understand some levels of reactivity from certain people in their lives or the lack of understanding and compassion. 

One of the main issues I have seen are clients feeling like people are not understanding the level of safety and harm that can be done with specific policies. 

So please be aware that recognizing your privilege in conversations is important

 

Take a Deep Breath… Slow Down!

In heated conversations it is important to to take a deep breath and I tell many of my clients “slow the F*** down.” 

I say this because when we are not breathing, we are literally unable to hear or speak in a way that is effective or productive. 

Our body literally starts to go into survival mode which depending on our lived experience can throw us into what I like to call a “trauma tornado” or get you a “ticket on the trauma train” which is my silly way of saying a “trauma spiral.” 

Breathing is so important. So just breathe. Post Election Anxiety

Slow down. 

Take a breathe (inhale) for 1….2….3….4. 

And hold it for 1….2….3….4. 

Then exhale breath for 1….2….3….4. 

Then hold for 1….2….3….4. 

If you practice this daily, it will help you have more control over your body and breath, and thus, it will allow you to engage in the moment in diaphragmatic breathing. 

In my experience (personally and professionally), when we do not do this we lose our ability to remain in the conversation and be within our integrity. 

 

Seek to Understand Rather than Be Understood

This one is a little bit complicated and nuanced as the first one was. 

Seek to understand means to ask questions and use curiosity. 

If you are in a curious space, you are able to be in a space of learning which puts your brain in a different focus and allows you to try to understand (not agree) with whomever you are speaking with. 

When we seek to understand, people can feel less defensive or critical.

When people are in a defensive or critical position we are leaning into an argument style of communication or what will likely be an ineffective conversation. 

When we seek to understand, we seek to collaborate with who we are working with, rather than convincing someone. 

So often in therapy, I watch people act as if I am the judge and they are in front of me and each other to convince the other that they are right. 

When we are focused on being right rather than understanding no one “wins.” And again if we are focused on “being right” or “winning” the argument that is not about connection or compassion that is about disconnection, shame, and/or rejection. Also, if we are focused on winning or only being understood… that is not usually helpful or productive.

Validation. It’s a buzz word in our culture and in therapy. And this is a BIG part of seeking to understand rather than be understood. Validation is about hearing the other person NOT AGREEING. 

Let’s say that again for those in the back…

Validation is about hearing and understanding someone’s perspective. NOT AGREEING.

So validating someone’s perspective is not agreeing with their point of view. At.All. It is about showing the person that you were listening and not just in your head thinking about a response (Guilty! I have done that… not my best strategy!). Validation is reflecting back to someone what they said in order to show that you are listening… or seeking to understand them.

The reason these things are important is because it allows the conversation the best opportunity and chance to not end in an explosion.

If you are still with us and want to learn more, stay tuned for our Friday download about how to communicate when you have post election stress.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Chronic Masturbation

What Is Chronic Masturbation?

What Is Chronic Masturbation?

 

One of the keys to understanding chronic masturbation and why it can be harmful is knowing what it is. You may be wondering; how often do you have to masturbate for it to be classified as “chronic”? However, chronic masturbation isn’t simply masturbating a lot.

Like other behaviors, there’s no way to say a set amount of doing something is harmful because everyone’s different. A person may enjoy masturbating a lot and it doesn’t get in the way of their life.

On the other hand, we label chronic masturbation as something that often causes anxiety and sexual performance issues to the point where it’s difficult or even prevents you from orgasming with a partner.

Some people who struggle with chronic masturbation need, indeed absolutely require outside stimulants like pornography to achieve orgasm.

In short, masturbation becomes something other than a positive sexual expression or stress reliever. It becomes a ritual, to the point sometimes of becoming an addiction, that takes away from other aspects of your sexual and non-sexual life.

 

Recognizing Chronic Masturbation

Chronic Masturbation

Even though chronic masturbation may be difficult to define in terms of quantity or frequency because everyone is different, it’s easy to spot when you see it in yourself or a partner.

The basic baseline is when masturbation is used instead of a sexual connection with your partner.

This isn’t like you’ve had a hard day of work, so you’d prefer to skip sex today and spend some time along with your hand. That’s perfectly normal and something most people feel from time to time.

I’m referring to when you sacrifice meaningful sexual interaction regularly to participate in a masturbatory ritual that leaves you unfulfilled.

Chronic masturbation also occurs when people with penises fail to maintain an erection during sex or people with vaginas can get stimulated by their sexual partners. The person becomes reliant on checking the boxes of their ritual, which usually involves viewing pornography or visualizing certain fantasies to achieve orgasm.

 

Fixing Chronic Masturbation

The good news is that there is help for people, and I’m referring to all people involved in a relationship with a partner who struggles with chronic masturbation as well. Once identified, a sex therapist can work with clients to adjust behaviors so that masturbation resumes its normal healthy role in people’s lives. A licensed sex therapist can develop techniques that help along the way.

One of the critical factors in fixing chronic masturbation is the desire to change. This isn’t obvious for everyone. Sometimes chronic masturbation becomes so engrained in a person’s life that they can’t envision living without it. Their ritual is part of their daily process. They may feel like their entire life will be out of whack if they stop or do something differently.

When people understand how their habits are affecting the people they love, or the ability to love at all, then they can start on the path to change.

This often requires relearning masturbation.

 

Relearning Masturbation

How can you relearn to masturbate? By now, most people have it down pat! We’ve been masturbating so long we know what will turn us on and get us to the finish.

A lot of people can tell what kind of orgasm they’re going to have within the first minute of masturbating. It may be a quick session to get some relief. It also could be the type of masturbation where you settle in for a while, giving yourself some much needed alone time.

Changing a habit that’s so second nature can be difficult.

I find that masturbation rest days are effective. When a person is masturbating very frequently, telling them to do it differently can affect results. They sometimes report back that they couldn’t finish or had a hard time staying focused without their old sequence.

Going without for a few days can reset the body and recharge your sexual receptors. Your body will be more responsive to touch and external stimuli.

I like to tell clients to be present when they masturbate. Many times, it helps to sit or lay in front of a mirror where you can see yourself and what you’re doing.

Touch yourself slowly, and purposefully! Celebrate your body and what it gives you. Practice gratitude for your sexuality and the potential to give and receive touch.

If possible, try to get back to the point of being able to orgasm without pornography or any external stimuli. That may require you to abstain for more than one or two days until your body is ready.

 

Working with Your Partner

Partners play a critical role in changing sexual habits. Now, to be very clear, we are not laying blame or placing responsibility for change on a partner. It is not their fault nor their job to fix someone’s chronic masturbation.

It is, though, important to emphasize that as someone’s partner, you play a part in the overall sexual health of your relationship.

The goal here is to support someone trying to overcome or shift away from chronic masturbation. If you’re the one struggling with chronic masturbation, then you need to try and work to explain how your partner can support you.

That may mean having sex more often. It can also mean trying to up the intensity of your sexual encounters. Incredible, passionate sex is a wonderful motivator. It also brings the two of you together in a connected way that’s undeniable.

Partners should work together to create a healthy sexual dynamic that meets everyone’s needs individually.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

The perfect vagina

Sex Therapist Reveals How To Get The Perfect Vagina!

HOW TO GET THE PERFECT VAGINA!

 

So you want to know more? Lets dive into the perfect vagina and the female anatomy! We will show you female anatomy drawings images.

I’m so glad that you are interested in joining the world of the anatomy of pleasure and getting a perfect vagina! This is what I have studied for the past 12 years!

In this video, I’ll teach you how to get a perfect vagina, how to love your perfect vulva, and how to teach others how to get one too, even if they are intimated! Learn the anatomy, stop comparing to porn, and learn to look! 

 

My tips will surely enlighten you on how to create a more adventurous and pleasure-focused sex life for you and your partner(s)!

Come Join Us By Clicking Below!

DOWNLOAD OUR FREE EGUIDE “THE PLEASURE PRACTICE” HERE

-Learn How to Unleash Your Self Pleasure and Transform Your Sex Life!-

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success!

Watch now! HOW TO GET OVER SEXUAL ANXIETY FOR MEN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNERd…

VIDEO ON COMMUNICATING YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbZX6

EXCLUSIVE INFORMATION ON THE G-SPOT: https://youtu.be/uRzHrrwWBTk

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 PM EST

Amanda Pasciucco has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, and more! 

Betty Dodson on Goop Lab on Netflix

Betty Dodson Featured on Goop Lab on Netflix

Betty Dodson Featured on Goop Lab on Netflix

 

I am so excited for Betty and Carlin to be on the premier episode of Goop Lab on Netflix on January 24th. I will be watching my idol Betty Dodson as she talks about female pleasure, vulvas and orgasm techniques!

Betty Dodson is an artist, author, PhD sexologist, and one of the principal voices for women’s sexual pleasure and health for over four decades.

Betty was recently named one of the top ten sexual revolutionaries by Cosmopolitan magazine. She was also listed as number 43 of the 100 most important people in sex by Playboy Magazine.

Betty and Carlin run a BodySex Workshop to help women overcome negative body image and pleasure anxiety.

Check out my blog on my BodySex Workshop (a.k.a my naked female weekend) experience:

The Atlantic reviewed Goop Lab on Netflix and said this about Betty’s episode:

“The show’s strongest episode features Betty Dodson, the feminist sex educator, discussing the physics of women’s orgasms. It reads as a timely corrective to American culture’s tendency to treat women’s bodies as agents of shame.”

Watch the episode on January 24th and and learn from Betty and Carlin on Goop Lab on Netflix.

Watch the video trailer below.

Here is a thank you note I received from Carlin Ross…

Betty and I wanted to reach out and thank you for your support.  You trusted us with your deepest fears and shared your greatest vulnerabilities.  Your warmth and honesty helps us keep pushing forward.

Thank you to our Bodysex sisters.

On January 24th our Gwyneth Paltrow GOOP Lap on Netflix episode on female pleasure will air on Netflix.

Once again, I was Betty’s “stunt cunt” and we took the cameras through genital show and tell.

Additionally, Betty shared her Rock ‘n Roll orgasm technique.

Several of you submitted vulva pics to show the range of vulva styles YOU FUCKING CAME THROUGH BIG FOR US.

Thank you Thank you Thank you from the bottom of our clits.  To more orgasms for womankind.

Much love
Betty and Carlin

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.