New Types of Apocalypse Pleasure With Sex Machines

As I work with more and more adults, I realize that sex machines are not common knowledge.

For those of you who have a difference of desire with your partners, and enjoy the sensation of penetrative pleasure, looking into a sex machine!

Apocalypse Pleasure

Honestly, it may save a sensual partnership between the two of you!

  • Are you looking for something adventurous?
  • Would you like to learn about sexual liberation?
  • Are you a bit on the edgy side?

If you said yes, I believe that sexual products, including sex machines, can be a way to get there.

Think of it like penetration – just without stopping.

For those of you who are feeling lonely during the pandemic, sex machines of high quality can help. It will give you the orgasm that you may desire, as it can help you relax. At first, receiving may seem weird, yet it’s actually quite natural to find daily pleasure.

Does it matter what others think, really? During the apocalypse, pleasure is needed. Pleasure is healing!

Sex machines range from cheap to expensive, just like any toy. Mostly, they come with just the machine, yet you can buy some where the dildo comes with it.

If you don’t know how to pick a dildo or detachable vibrator, see our blog on how to safely use a vibrator, and this can help you decide what is right for you.

Let’s Talk Price of Sex Machines

The cheaper the sex machine, the more likely it will not penetrate smoothly.

For example, sex machines under $250 USD are small, portable, and convenient in that one regard. However, at the exact same time, they don’t work well because they get stuck. Unfortunately, they do not penetrate deep enough. Which means that sometimes the vagina or anus can pull the machine off the floor!

This makes for more fun rather than pleasure.

Therefore, consider a $500 USD range of a toy where there is a drill-shaped sex machine where you can buy an inter-changable dildo toys to latch on tightly,

This sometimes looks like an electric drill you would use to build furniture, just with a different type of attachment.

For those of you who want the entire sex machine in all it’s glory, you are looking at spending $1000 USD or more. They will have the ability, like you may have seen in a porn or at a bunny ranch, to be adjusted to various angles and sometimes can have more than one thrusting mechanism on the machine.

Discretion is important, so find one that can fold up in a place where others would not find it. There is no shame in pleasure. However, there is a convenience to clear out your room and have a large object fit comfortably in a place that you have made for it.

Why Is It Weird?

Think back to when you were young, controlling the volume of your voice and containing your pleasure.

Now, as an adult, you can make your own fun choices. If you want to be creative, you can use a toy for pleasure – without shaming it!

If you are partnered, and you are concerned about a difference in pleasure between you and your partner, a sex machine alone or partnered can be fun.

Remember, be sure to clean all toys after using them.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How To Tie Two Ropes Together Tightly For Kinbaku Bondage

So you want to learn how to tie two ropes together tightly  and you are ready to learn to extend your kinbaku rope bondage skill set.

In many videos with bondage, there are more than one rope involved in the piece to get the desired outcome.

If you don’t know much about tying rope, watch the entire shibari kinbaku videos listed below to understand.

Yet, when you are at the stage of leveling up on how to tie two ropes together tightly for kinbaku, this is the video for you.

Listen to the tips ahead of time, to ensure you understand how to do this process in your rope bondage.

I have created this video with the goal of teaching you how to tie two ropes together tightly for kinbaku and hope it helps! Hit like if yes!

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

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Watch more:

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator 

 

Many people have reported to me that using a vibrator seems too taboo for them. 

They report that they cannot wrap their mind around why you would need one. Or who would have the ovaries to buy one. 

Sometimes though, I think it is important to know what you could be missing out on. 

 

Who is with me that vibrators are a magical invention?

The key to awesome sex, even with yourself, is savoring sensations rather than solely chasing the orgasm. 

Start slow. Set the scene. Make sure you will have privacy. 

Use the vibrator to stimulate various parts of the body and tune into the sensations. We have found it does not matter necessarily on the style, size, or type they all do the same job. 

 

Here are some ways to utilize your vibrator:

Orbiting. – There are many different types of circles around the clit which can cause stimulation in different ways with each woman. What might work for you might not for your partner or best friend.

vibrator

 

  • Direct Hit- For a less sensitive clit, or at stages when the clit likes more direct stimulation, many women say circles right one the exposed clit felt wonderful. To do this, you can get the hood out of the way if the clit is a hider, either by lifting the entire pubic hair area upward with a hand. Or by pushing just the area right above the hood skin upward with the side of your thumb while using your vibrator.
  • On the Hood- Keeping the touch above the line, on the hood skin, without the circle ever touching the exposed clit beneath. The part of the skin that you touch and keep contact with is really important. Holding high on the hood feels less intense than holding lower down, near the bottom edge of the hood. This is similar to layering. Adding more layers between the vibrator, and the clit itself can help lessen the intensity of your vibrator.
  • Off and On (the hood)- Many women prefer circles that mostly stay on the hood and then occasionally swipe and glide below it, to include part of the clitoral gland that may be peaking out as exposed. The upper clit gets soft pressure through the hood, giving the exposed clit a small break between each time it is touched. This method seems to be a favorite with a vibrator, as you can use the vibrations to expand the pleasure and add shallowing techniques in as well.
  • Staying away- the least intense way to orbit the clit is to stay far away from it. Gliding in gentle circles that stay above, below, and to the sides of the hood and clit and never touch the exposed clit directly. Some women feel the vibration itself is satisfying without being overwhelming and this is a great way to ease into your first vibrator. 

Easing into your first experience can be overwhelming. Start out slow, and layering is one way we recommend breaking the ice.

Layering is where you put “layers” between your touch with the vibrator. And the clit or area you want to stimulate.

Laying it on thick – Through fabric this is the least direct way to touch the clit. Women prefer pressure and massage up on the triangle where the pubic hair is (or was— you are allowed to do with your hair what you please). Stroke all around this area called the mons pubic region

This area is on top of a nerve network that’s connected to the clit. Remember the exposed part of the clit is simply the tip of an iceberg. And there is a lot more going on below the surface all around it.

 

The Clit Sandwich- Yes this is a real thing!

1 in 5 women prefer squeezing the outer lips together around the clit like a sandwich. People also report liking this sensation in partnered sex with same sex or other sex partners! 

Why? The clit gets more subtle, indirect pressure. Because it goes through the thin hood skin and the thick skin of the lips. Some move the sandwich up and down or pull it out and push it in, so the skin inside slides back and forth around the slit. vibrator

Adding your vibrator to this technique, even on the outer lips, can create a unique stimulation.

Layering with a vibrator can help you achieve multiple orgasms. And even lessen the touch/sensation for the rebuild for the second orgasm.

So, adding a vibrator into your relationship can become a rewarding experience for you and others. Knowing your body will help give you a more satisfying experience.

I believe a vibrator can change around a sex life. Only if you are open to experiments with time and techniques as you learn. 

No matter the vibrator location on your body, the satisfaction you achieve while using it is all that matters. 

By starting out curious, you will be able to learn your body and what you like. And dislike the more you explore with your vibrator.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Are You Using Vibrators Safely?

Are You Using Vibrators Safely?

 

Vibrators are in some ways the ideal sex toy. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and materials. They come at different speeds, different intensities and are available for any budget.

However, like any toy, vibrators must be used safely and smartly to ensure a pleasurable experience and health.

Whether you are dealing with a penis, vagina or anus, vibrators can enhance your sexual pleasure. Solo or as a part of sex with others. There are some things to consider to ensure you are not hurting yourself or exposing yourself to harmful chemicals.

 

Materials

vibrators

The materials used for vibrators can vary from cheap plastics to silky silicones to even glass, metal or crystal. Most toys are constructed with pleasure and sensation in mind and sometimes neglect legitimate safety concerns in order to create something that feels good- or can be made cheaply.

Some of the softeners that make plastic vibrators smooth and flexible are actually harmful chemicals that may harm your body. BPA, phthalates, PVC, and Bisphenol A are just a few of the materials used. These are recognized both internationally and in the USA as having harmful effects on hormone production. 

This has been known to lead to myriad issues, so knowing what your vibrators are made of is no small matter. 

The porosity of the vibrators (if it has pores like a sponge, that is not a good material for a sex toy) is a crucial factor in determining if this toy is made of safe materials. 

When playing with vibrators, it is important to keep them clean. And a high porosity material is more likely to absorb and transmit infections, viruses, bacteria and yeasts that are stuck in the material despite cleaning. 

Porous materials to avoid include PVC, rubber, jelly and any rigid, cheap plastics. 

Medical grade silicone, glass, and surgical steel are options that are less porous and less likely to absorb bacteria that you don’t want to expose to your mucous membranes.

If you use vibrators made from those more porous materials, consider adding a condom to your vibrator to prevent potential exposure to chemicals and bacteria.

 

Shapes

vibrators

There are vibrators like the magic wand that do not go into the body. They are used for external touching. 

We have an entire blog coming out about learning the buzz on how to use that type of vibrator so stay tuned. 

If you are using insertion vibrators to pleasure yourself – be sure to get the right type for the right oraffice. 

For those who want insertion anally, you must use vibrators with a flared base.

You would be surprised how much suction there is when you penetrate the anus, and non-flared toys can easily get sucked up before you notice.

Prevent a trip to the ER and use vibrators with either two prongs or a flared base to avoid “losing” the toy inside yourself. 

That said, if you have used a toy and it is stuck, do not try to remove it yourself. Go to the ER to avoid fissures and internal damage, and don’t worry, those nurses have truly seen everything before.

If you are using vibrators anally or vaginally, I advise training yourself to the size you ultimately desire. 

Aim a little smaller than you think you can handle, and use lots and lots of lube. 

Eventually you can work your way up to more girthy toys, just know your limits so you can stretch safely instead of tearing or ripping!

As with any sex toy, make sure that you have vibrators with smooth sides. No sharp or pointy edges and that all the parts are secure and won’t fall off in an unfortunate location.

 

Hygiene & Cleaning

The most important safety tip of all is to keep your vibrators clean! Ideally clean them before and after use, though you should definitely clean them every time before use.

It also helps if you are clean too! While you don’t need to be fresh from the shower, using a wet wipe can clear away any debris that may get into the wrong places when things get heated. This is a personal call, if you feel clean enough for your own comfort that is all that matters. Just ensure you never use your vibrators on your anus and genitals during the same session without cleaning in between.

Just a reminder that porous materials (jelly, PVC, cyberskin) will not ever be totally clean. However if you insist on using them try to clean them thoroughly with mild fragrance-free soap and hot water. You can also use an antibacterial spray made especially for sex toys as an added precaution.

vibrators

 

Here is how to properly wash your vibrators:

  1. Remove any batteries.
  2. If your vibrator is rechargeable, has batteries or isn’t marked as “waterproof,” do not submerge your toy into the water completely. Trust me – they are not all waterproof and will break.
  3. Wash the vibrators gently with hot water and a mild, fragrance free soap. Dish soap is a suitable alternative if you avoid brands that contain perfumes. Really try to get into every curve, nook and cranny to remove any potential bacteria.
  4. Rinse off the soap with hot water and dry off your toy with a clean towel or put it out on a windowsill in the sun to dry.
  5. Put the batteries back in, and store your vibrators in a cool, dry place.

Please do not let your vibrators touch one another, as some toys will eat away at one another. 

Another hygiene tip: don’t share sex toys with new partners without using condoms on them. And clean before sharing even with usual partners. 

STI’s and other infections can be passed along with toys the same as they are passed along with skin to skin contact.

 

Safety Reminders for Fun, Pleasurable Vibrator Use

Here is a roundup of advice for using your vibrators in a way that is fun, pleasurable and safe!

  •   Purchase vibrators made from body safe, non porous materials such as silicone to ensure that your toys can be cleaned properly
  •   Avoid cheap plastics, rubber and jelly vibrators to ensure you’re not being exposed to harmful chemicals
  •   Use vibrators with flared bases if you plan on using them for anal insertion
  •   Don’t use a vibrator that is too big without working up to the size with time, stretching and lots of lube.
  •   Make sure your vibrator is free of sharp edges, pointy ends and cracks to avoid injuries and infections.
  •   Clean your vibrators before and after use with hot, soapy water.

If you follow these tips, you’ll ensure your vibrators are always ready for fun when you are!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

BDSM dating

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

5 Steps for BDSM Dating on Vanilla Apps

 

BDSM dating can be a challenge if you don’t want to out yourself to Facebook friends or work colleagues who might be on dating apps. At the same time, if you’re not sure what you’re looking for or want to sprinkle in some vanilla dating, using conventional dating apps can bring you a great variety of potential partners. 

BDSM dating doesn’t have to be much different than any other form of online dating. It is meant to be an easily accessible, instant and safe way of meeting as many new people as possible and can save you a lot of bad dates if done correctly. 

 

1.Ask Yourself “Why?”

Why do you want to use a general dating app instead of a BDSM dating app? It may seem counterintuitive, however more people are on apps like Tinder, Grindr and Bumble than the more specialized kink apps. 

If you use a kink app, you may find that there is a limited variety of people on the app, which means you can run out of potential matches more quickly than with the most popular dating apps. 

Also, there are lots of currently vanilla people who are wanting to explore kink with an experienced partner, so finding matches on a conventional app may be an opportunity to expand your community and meet new people. 

Why do you want to meet people online? Do you feel too exposed attending live kink events or conventions? Do you still feel shame around your kinks? If this is the case, online dating can be a safe and relatively anonymous way to meet people with similar fantasies with less exposure if you’re shy. 

BDSM dating

 

2.Set Your Boundaries

Outside of the boundaries that must come along with a BDSM dating experience, you should also set your boundaries for online dating specifically. 

What questions are you willing and unwilling to answer from matches? If someone isn’t up to speed on coded language or acronyms from the BDSM dating scene, how much are you willing to explain?

Deciding on these things will save you emotional labor and time when interacting with matches. 

You should decide what amount of privacy you are comfortable with- will you use your real name, or just your initials? Do you want a full face photo or something more anonymous? 

Keep in mind, ethical BDSM dating shouldn’t involve any deception or catfishing, though you can be open about hiding certain details until you get to know a match better. For example, maybe you don’t give out your number until you’ve met, or maybe you don’t give out your real name on your profile but will when you are chatting with a match. 

You may even consider not including your kinks on your profile and being open about it with matches later, though this can lead to disappointment if you are looking for kinky folx in the first pace. 

Always remember that your profile is public, so anyone can see what is on there. So only put what you are comfortable with strangers or your co-worker or friend stumbling across if they’re on the app! 

 

3.Find the Code Words

The easiest way to find kinky and kink-curious individuals on vanilla apps is by using the abbreviations, code words and acronyms that describe your kinks. 

Sometimes emoji are used in the community- the unicorn emoji for example, lets people know that you are an individual looking to join a couple for a threesome. 

Saying you like “D/s” means dominance/submissive and describing yourself as “open minded” can be an indicator you are kinky. These words and abbreviations can also help you find other kinksters on the app! Typically, terminology used in BDSM communities will be obvious if you are also a member of that community, so keep an eye out for fellow BDSM dating matches. 

 

4.Be Open to Conversation and Questions

If you are casting a wider net to include kink curious and vanilla partners when BDSM dating, be prepared to answer questions from matches who may not have picked up on your terminology- or even read your entire profile. This happens a lot as people swipe quickly based on appearances. 

Since you have already decided what your boundaries are, answer any questions from matches that you are comfortable answering. Hopefully, they are respectful and genuine!

BDSM dating

If you’ve matched with someone and aren’t sure if they’ve understood you’re kinky, it is worth having a direct conversation. Something like “Hey! Just fyi, I am into _____, if that’s not you’re thing we can unmatch, no hard feelings!” can be effective and quick.

The downside of dating apps is that people can take a turn for the rude, scary or abusive. If someone is speaking to you in a way that is disrespectful or abusive, report, unmatch and block that person without hesitation. Keeping your boundaries firm will make for the best online dating experience. 

 

5.Be Safe & Have Fun

As someone experienced in BDSM dating, you probably already know how to date and have sex in a way that is consensual and safe. It always bears repeating though! 

When meeting a stranger from an app, make sure you are going to a public place, and make sure that you let someone know where you are. Having a friend make a call at some point during the night can give you an opportunity to confirm you are safe, and have a potential escape if you feel the date is not going well and can’t say it outright. 

If you want to meet for play, make sure you feel safe. Hide any valuables in a safe or lock them away, and let a friend know you have someone coming over. This seems over the top, however meeting strangers on apps can have risks that wouldn’t come with traditional courtship or meeting people IRL at events. 

With all that out of the way, have FUN! You’re meeting new people, and are trying new things and that is worth celebrating! BDSM dating can be fun and rewarding and pleasurable if done with safety, boundaries and an open mind. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

BDSM Toys

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys – Part 2

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys

– Part 2 –

 

BDSM toys are more and more popular, and there are so many questions out there! This is Part 2 of our BDSM Toy Series! Part 1 can be found here. 

To help you head to the store (online or otherwise) with curiosity, confidence and good questions, here is a small guide to BDSM toys – from immediate to expert! 

We have a hookup with thekinkshop.com if you need personalized and discreet attention! 

Most intermediate BDSM toys can be safely enjoyed by beginners as well, though they may push your communication and trust boundaries if you (and the humans you are exploring with) are new to BDSM. 

Gagging, light sensations, and blindfolds can be played with safely and intuitively for the most part, you just have to dare to go there!

 

Intermediate BDSM Toys: 

  • Pinwheels/Wartenberg Pinwheels: You probably had one of these in your toy doctor kit as a kid- it looks a little like a pizza cutter, it’s essentially a wheel with poking out spikes that can be dull or slightly sharp for a tingling to prickling sensation as you roll it along skin. 
    • Some are quite sharp and designed for breaking the skin/blood play, so make sure you have the sharpness you and your partner are comfortable with.
    • Any play that involves blood or breaking the skin should be prepped with thorough cleaning and disinfecting of toys as well as the skin being cut. 
    • BDSM ToysAlcohol swabs can be purchased cheaply at any pharmacy.
    • Ask us for a personal recommendation on where you can get trained to do blood play safely! It will be private lessons for a cost with a professional! 
  • Ball Gags: Pretty self explanatory and the poster child of BDSM thanks to movies and tv. The ball gag usually features a rubber, silicone or steel ball that is attached to a strap that wraps around the wearer’s head, with the ball, of course, securely in their mouth.Great for kidnapping fantasies, sub/dom scenarios, and in combo with bondage.
    • Make sure you establish a non-verbal signal as a safe word.
  • Clamps: You can get small clamps for nipples, clitorises, cocks, balls- anywhere that needs a good, firm pinch.
  • Spanking Paddles or Floggers: For much firmer, harder and more painful spanking. 

You can even get paddles that have grooves or spikes for different sensations. A hairbrush is a suitable DIY alternative too!

 

Expert BDSM Toys

This is a mere sampling of the toys available for BDSM experts, as it would be impossible to list everything for every kink. A lot of these toys require some safety precautions and considerations to keep things fun and within your partner’s acceptable boundaries. As always, communicate before trying any of these, and seek out classes or courses on some of these more advanced toys that require a little more technique.

  • Ropes: rope bondage can be a tricky technique to learn, and some of the knots and binds are beautiful works of art. Due to the nature of constricting someone’s body, this is a toy that would benefit from taking a class or two- talk about a fun date night!
  • Electro-Stimulators: There are various toys that provide a safe electric shock, ranging from tingley to downright painful depending on your preference. There are clamps, stickers, and insertables available, so there’s bound to be a toy made for your style of e-stim. If you have a pacemaker, e-stim isn’t recommended as it may interfere with your pacemaker’s settings.
  • Speculums: If you have a vagina and have ever gone for a PAP smear, this is almost exactly what is used by your doctor. Usually made with medical grade steel, it is perfect for Doctor/Patient fantasies, stretching, and training for larger insertable toys/fisting.

There are varieties available for both vaginal and anal play. 

Lube is a great accessory for this toy.

  • Sounding Rods: Sounding is basically pain play that involves inserting items into the urethra of the penis. Surgical grade steel rods in gradual sizes will be safest- you don’t want any sharp edges, no sudden movements and definitely make sure you aren’t pushing the rod far enough to reach the bladder.

This is an example of a toy that requires some knowledge to enjoy safely, but if something ever goes wrong do not hesitate to go to the ER- they have seen it all, and generally don’t judge.

BDSM can be fun, pleasurable and exciting to explore with a willing playmate. 

Chat with your partner and open up about your fantasies- you never know what kinks may come up that could be explored! 

There are amazing online resources and communities surrounding kink and BDSM, so you can seek out information and advice through forums, group chats and even in person conventions. There’s an endless variety of BDSM toys out there, so open your mind and start playing! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

BDSM Toys

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys

The Wonderful World of BDSM Toys

 

BDSM toys are getting more and more popular, and there are so many options out there! This is Part 1 of our BDSM Toy Series! 

To help you head to the store (online or otherwise) with curiosity, confidence and good questions, here is a small guide to BDSM toys – from beginner to expert!

 

Prerequisite to Understanding BDSM Toys: 

What is BDSM?

The idea of BDSM toys may be intimidating, though you may be surprised to find you already incorporate some light BDSM or BDSM toys in your sex life!

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism.

These words may sound extreme and intense, and they can be, however they can also be as tame as using handcuffs or blindfolds or tickling. 

It is a broad and beautiful dynamic to explore! 

In fact, you don’t even have to incorporate what you consider to be sex at all in order to enjoy or participate in BDSM. 

WHAT? It’s true! 

Consent, respect, pleasure, trust and exploration are key elements to incorporating BDSM enjoyably. The most important element of all is CONSENT though, so more on that! 

 

Consent and BDSM

There is a common misconception that BDSM is inherently about hurting your partner or controlling them. Healthy BDSM activities depend on conscious trust, boundaries and ground rules and aftercare (tending to your partner’s emotional and physical needs post-playtime, from clean-up to cuddling to checking in the day and a week after).

Prior to playing, partners can decide who will take on the more dominant role and who will be submissive. 

This doesn’t have to be the same all the time, though it does need to be established explicitly.

Being submissive doesn’t mean the dominant can do whatever they want to you. 

Clear boundaries are established, and your body = your rules.

Great playtime depends on clear consent, and the kink community has a couple terms that clarify this.

  • SSC: Safe, Sane and Consensual: Consent is given under circumstances where all players are of sound body and mind and are not under any pressure that may affect their ability to consent. For example, if you are drunk or if a person in a position of authority over you is pressuring you to participate and you feel you can’t say no for fear of repercussions.
  • RACK: Risk Aware Consensual Kink: Some kinks are messier or more dangerous than others, and anyone participating must be aware of all the risks before truly being able to consent. For example, anything involving bodily fluids, weapons, pain, etc. Have a plan in place should things go wrong, including safe words.

In BDSM a traffic light system can be helpful when discussing which fantasies and kinks are going to be explored- and which ones are a no-fly zone. 

They also make for a quick check-in/safe word when in the heat of playtime:

BDSM Toys

Having your own safe words can also be fun, and you can define them however you wish. Something nonsexual like “pineapple” or something is recommended, especially if you are exploring scenarios that mimic non-consensual interactions (ex: rape fantasy scenarios).  

This is of course just a basic primer on BDSM, so if your curiosity is piqued there are lots of great, non judgmental communities online where you can ask more questions or find friends!

 

Beginner BDSM Toys

Now for the fun stuff! If you are new to BDSM, there are lots of simple toys you can find at a sex shop- or even find around the house! Beginner BDSM toys are about safely and subtly exploring light bondage, tickling, teasing and perhaps a little light spanking.

  • Blindfolds: this is an intro sensory deprivation. Use a scarf, sleeping mask, tie or bandana to keep yourself or your partner from seeing what is happening. This can intensify other senses and give an exciting sense of surprise and suspense! DIY Edition – Try blindfolding with household items like neckties or scarves, or 
  • Handcuffs/ties: Tie or handcuff your partner to the bed or a chair- this can be their hands or their feet or both. This is some light bondage and can make them squirm with desire!
  • Feathers/Ticklers: They kind of look like cat toys (and if you had to sub in a cat toy we wouldn’t judge! Meow!) and are basically anything with feathers or fabric for tickling. These can be especially fun when used in combination with some bondage.  
  • Riding Crops: A lightweight leather or pleather stick essentially, and is a great tool for some light, sharp spanking. Make sure you listen to your lover’s boundaries as it can get painful with harder spanking.
  • Anal plugs/beads: if you are interested in exploring “butt stuff,” there are anal plugs available in every imaginable size. Anal stimulation can be an entirely new sensation to explore, and with some lube and an open mind, you could be in for a LOT of fun!
  • Your own body as a toy: Not sure who wrote this meme, yet who doesn’t want a spank once in a while… a single-handed applause for a beautiful bottom! 

Even rubber bands or hair ties can be gently snapped on your playmate’s body for a short, snappy tingle of pain. 

A feather from your pillow can make for some great tickling if consensual!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.

Fettlife

Fettlife – The Truth About Fetlife Accounts! 

Fettlife – The Truth About Fetlife Accounts! 

 

Fettlife

As a certified sex therapist, I often get asked “what is fettlife?” 

Just so you know, my brand is “The Sex Healer,” and I also own a private practice, called Life Coaching and Therapy, where we hold a sex-positive perspective at.

I immediately imagine the horror that they must feel asking.

Fetlife.com (sometimes misspelled fettlife) is a website that is essentially known as “Facebook for Kinky people.” 

The back of the website is black and the headlines are in red coloring! 

It appears evidently NSFW (or Not Safe For Work) from the first moment you lay eyes on “Fettlife.” 

Just because you know what fettlife is doesn’t make you part of the community. 

Like regular Facebook, Fetlife.com isn’t really something to be afraid of. 

Treat fetishes, kink, and sexuality mindfully, comprehensively, and with respect. 

The reason for this is because there is still a notion that people who are kinky have a history of “abuse,” therefore, you may get questioned as to why you want to join. 

Local community events on Fetlife.com can help you feel like you are KIND of part of a family though. When you go to the website, you will see you have to make a login. 

 

IMPORTANT MUST KNOWS WHEN MAKING A PROFILE:

  • Nickname – don’t use the name you usually use!
  • Gender – identify how you are comfortable
  • Relationship and sexual orientation
  • Your “role” in kink (such as submissive, Rigger, bottom, Dominant, masochist, etc). 

 

When you get on your page, make a bio! 

Do not put provocative or face photos until you know what you are doing. At first, just explore anonymously. Explore and say you live far away. 

You don’t even have to use your actual name! 

Make sure you practice safety, integrity, radical honesty, and erring on the side of CAUTION! They are still going to be strangers on the internet at first, so practice discretion.

Please know that you have the right to consensual sexual behavior is neither inherently negative nor pathological between adults, unless shown to be otherwise… Fettlife

Fun fact: A fetish is something you have to have in order to complete orgasm. 

People who have a fetish for feet NEED feet to be there to climax, for example. 

Two people can be engaged in the same exact behavior (one partner getting off to the foot fetish – feeling that it is pleasurable and empowering, while for the other person it can be experienced as abusive or troubling (the other partner perhaps). 

 

Visit https://ncsfreedom.org/legal-issues/ with any legal issues that you may get into while discovering fettlife. They are knowledgeable and understanding. I personally am a coalition member of theirs and have had positive experiences! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs

Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs or Those Questioning

Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs or Those Questioning

 

Welcome back to my channel and in this video I am going to talk about the Basic Skills for Doms and subs!

BRINGING you Basic Scene Skills for Doms and subs straight to your home!

Many people are curious about the BDSM’s world and the best recommendation I can give is to read and learn as much information as possible before getting involved in a Doms subs Scene.

In this video I will show you the Basic Scene Skills for Doms subs.

We hope you will take some of this advice to use for your own sexual fun and to be prepared and safe when you get your first BDSM Scene.

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Watch now! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, PornHub, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, Playboy, Maxim, Daily Mail, HeadSpace, and more!

 

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

https://qrzbdtau.pages.infusionsoft.net  ←HERE

GET THE “HOW TO SEDUCE YOUR SPOUSE” E GUIDE

https://lifecoachingandtherapy.com/ ←HERE

 

Watch more:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

fetlife

Techniques to Use Fetlife Effectively

Techniques to Use Fetlife Effectively

 

Have you heard of Fetlife? People ask me this question every week!

With this video you will discover what is FETLIFE, how to join the Kinky community and the precautions you MUST take before you start being an active member of FETLIFE.

GET THE BEDROOM NEGOTIATIONS VANILLA & KINK CHECKLIST!

https://qrzbdtau.pages.infusionsoft.net  ←HERE

 

Amanda Pasciucco, an AASECT certified sex therapist and owner of Life Coaching and Therapy, shares her tips to success! Amanda has been featured multiple times on CNN, Playboy, PornHub, Maxim, Daily Mail, Men’s Health, Hartford Courant, HeadSpace, VICE, and more!

 

Watch now:

 

NEW VIDEOS EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 9 AM EST

 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.