Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

 

When the signs your wife wants to leave you are staring at you, you are usually the last person to notice. As the spouse, you may try to keep convincing yourself that the problem you are encountering in your marriage will only last for a short while

With time, you will begin to see the picture and face the harsh reality of losing your dear wife. When you see these signs, you will begin to expect the divorce letter at any time. It may seem the love, affection, care, romance and sex are gone.

So, what are the signs to look out for before coming to this conclusion?

  • Picks fight unnecessarily
  • Shows less affection
  • She doesn't communicate like before
  • She doesn't spend her free time with you
  • Keeps secrets from you
  • Gets angry over everything you do
  • Pays more attention to her appearance
  • She's asked for a break to “think things through” 

Despite seeing these signs, you may have several thoughts running through your mind. You may begin to think that your mind is playing tricks on you and question if your wife still loves you as much as you do. To be sure about your wife's stance in your marriage, read on.

Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

She Picks Fight Unnecessarily

Fighting and misunderstanding are parts of every relationship, including marriage. It's okay to agree and disagree. It becomes frustrating when a partner enjoys doing it at every given opportunity.

When your wife fights you and you're always at fault every time she does this, it might be a sign that she wants to leave and she doesn't have a good-enough reason to leave you. 

She might not have the courage to tell you that she wants out of the marriage, and the only way to achieve this is to push you to argue to enable her to have a justification for doing what she did.

 

She Shows Less Affection

Most times, women show affection to the people they love. So, when your wife stops showing you affection, it's a sign she may no longer be in love with you. Unlike men, women only have sex with the men they find attractive or love.

That's why you need to start asking questions when your wife is not showing affection as she does before. She might have stopped loving you if you have to force her to hold your hands, kiss you, hug you or tell you she loves you every time.

It might even be a sign that she's found someone else. Although, this doesn't mean she's cheating on you… yet. 

 

She Doesn't Communicate Like Before

Communication is an important part of every relationship, and the impact is often felt whenever it is absent in marriage. Lack of communication is a huge sign that your marriage is about to end on the rocks, and this shouldn't be taken lightly.

At the onset of lack of communication, you might think it's nothing serious until it develops into silent treatment whereby your wife ignores you completely.

 

She Doesn't Spend Her Free Time with You Anymore

At the beginning of a good relationship, your partner would want to spend all of her free time with you. 

They do this because they can't seem to get enough of you. With time, these feelings wear off as new relationship energy fades, and you both are regular parts of one another’s lives. 

Getting married doesn't stop you from spending some time alone or chasing your dreams. So, your wife should have some alone time too. This doesn't imply that she shouldn't spend some of her alone time with you.

If she doesn't honor your dates anymore, she doesn’t ask you to go on adventures together, or if she tells you that romantic getaways aren’t necessary, she might be showing signs that she wants to leave you.

 

 

She Keeps Secrets from You

Sudden secretive behavior is one of the signs your wife wants to leave you.

Although, the fact that you're married doesn't imply that your wife will not have her own personal time and space, yet omitting truths and holding her own secrets is suspicious. 

If you've witnessed her lying and hiding things from you, and you no longer know who she is with or where she spends her free time, or know nothing about her new promotion or new schedule, there is a chance that she may no longer be interested in the marriage.

 

 She Gets Angry Over Everything You Do

In healthy relationships, you find compassion in all aspects of your partner, including their flaws, as it is part of who they are.

Unlike in a Disney movie, in real romantic relationships, even when you are aware of their flaws, you accept them without trying to change them.

When everything about you, especially your flaws, annoy your wife when she used to find them precious, it is a sign that she wants to leave you. 

If she complained about your haircut, how you smell, or your clothing, your wife may want to leave you, as she may be comparing you to someone else

 

She Pays More Attention to Her Appearance

A wife paying attention to how she looks is positive. However, it is cause for concern when your wife suddenly starts paying more attention to her appearance than before. 

Although changing her appearance might be a personal decision, the signs are often there when she's doing it to impress another man. She may be dying her hair more frequently, changing her weight, purchasing more lingerie and not wearing it with you, or wearing more makeup when she’s away from you. 

 

She's Asked For a Break

Asking for a break is a specific sign your wife wants to leave you. She may be scared of going through the divorce or uncoupling process, and therefore wants space to help her figure things out.

She may want to find out if she can survive without you. And if your partnership is worth putting more effort into or not.

 

7 Signs Your Wife Wants to Leave You

In conclusion, you may be coming to terms with the realization that your wife wants to leave you. This may be difficult, especially when you've built your life together. It may be harder when you have children or share the same business with your partner.

When your wife has made up their mind to leave you, there may be little to be done about it. However, if you still love her, try all you can to bring back the spark in your marriage by trying sex therapy or text therapy. 

Who knows… she might have a change of heart.

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.


Talk About Marriage

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

Let’s Talk About Marriage! 

 

Have you ever wondered if there is a talk about marriage that could help yours? 

I did back in the day, and I know many of my clients have too! 

The courtship process of dating used to be about testing this exchange in a way. Sometimes now, we bypass courtship for love, then we have marital problems. 

While I bring you videos like, 7 Things That Destroy a Marriage, and then provide you with useful communication techniques that will guide you to recover from those topics, I want to talk about marriage today in a way that will help you improve communication with your partner… even with anyone.

In the book, The Good Marriage, we talk about marriage in four ways: 

 

The Traditional Marriage - roles were very defined. 

  • Back in the day relationships and sexuality were witnessed as  an exchange. The most common exchange in marriage from one partner, often the man, was I will give you my name, my commitment, and finances to shelter you. For the other partner, often the caretaker of the house, to provide children, companionship, and sexual desire.
  • The man would make more money in the house. Deep respect for the distinction of the roles they had. 

 

The Companion Marriage - more friendly. 

  • Ride or die commitment. 
  • Flexible roles with who does what in the marriage. 

 

The Healing Marriage - savior marriage

  • Often in this marriage, both individuals came from trauma and had a deep level of healing to do themselves. 
  • Then, they help their partner to do the same!

 

The Romantic Marriage - the one that had the most vibrant sex life. 

  • Keeping a live story of the couples’ romance. 
  • Often sharing the narrative of how the couple met. Romantic and repeated. 
  • Prioritize dates and adventures to keep the passion and romance alive. 

 

In summary, whatever type of partnership you have, it’s good to talk about it. 

It is especially important to talk about marriage. 

Love is unconditional. Relationships, including marriage, take agreements, collaboration, and commitment! 

On the level of consciousness, we are infinite… yet, we have a finite human body and only one body in this lifetime.

Instead of taking our body and mind to project onto others, let's learn and grow. 

  • The mind is tricky and often projects.
  • Usually when I am in hatred, I am also more likely to act out. 
  • Usually when I am in pain, I can justify my behavior to defend, deflect, and deny.
  • Often, I must do the inner work to choose a new type of communication style with grace, and with accountability. 

While we talk about marriage, may we experience ourselves as bigger, more profound, and more complex. The more intricate, the more passionate!

Adulting and creating safe space for your inner selves to talk about marriage, in the way that most of us did not see modeled growing up! 

Being able to work with our partner to help them self-analyze and assess their choices. 

We don’t want to suppress ourselves or our partners too far, because there is a chance it can turn into self-hate. We want to know the way to include all parts of our psyche into the conversation. 

For me, my world has transformed when I love myself enough to take responsibility without collapsing into overly dramatic feelings of guilt. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Relationship Therapy

What To Expect When You Go To Relationship Therapy

What To Expect When You Go To Relationship Therapy

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT)  is an individual, relationship therapy, and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure skills training provided by licensed systemically-trained psychotherapists. 

It’s time to do some reassessing on the relationships in your life and decide what kind of relationship you really want with your romantic partner. If not, you may end up in relationship therapy when it’s too late. 

Relationship therapy can help those with communication issues, desire discrepancy, and those who have a willingness to learn more. 

So...maybe you want a traditional, equal, or open, or kinky relationship? We know that there are a variety of relationship styles, yet how do you attain the type of relationship that you desire? 

Relationship therapy is a great place to begin, because it is discreet, confidential, and balanced. 

 

How do you go about determining what type of relationship you want? 

Relationship Therapy

Where do you fall on the spectrum above? 

Compare with your partner(s).

This will provide valuable information. 

Once you know what type of relationship you desire, and if all partners are interested in creating that, you can begin to envision piece by piece the steps to get there. 

Some of the plans you can consider, if you don’t want to go to relationship therapy would be a systemic approach (mind, body, feelings, and soul). 

As a couple, it is important to continue to make relationship goals for yourself - that you accomplish as a team! Parenting is one example of how many couples accomplish relationship goals as a team. However, it isn’t quite as specific as relationship therapy for the parts of you that desire erotic and romantic connection. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy is competent with and affirming of all relationship orientations and alternative sexualities, including: 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy provides relationship therapy that is affirming of all gender identities and sexual orientations, including:

  • Lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals and partnerships
  • Queer, transgender, and those individuals and partnerships that are beyond the binary.
  • Partners of transgender and gender expansive individuals

 

Outcomes To Expect from Relationship Therapy: 

  • Learn constructive conversation skills
  • Decrease resentment and increase self-awareness
  • Increase awareness about sexual pleasure and passion.
  • Be more confident with your partner and in yourself 
  • Become more knowledgeable about your needs vs. your strategies to get needs met that create barriers to progress and pleasure.
  • Support partners in becoming clear about what they themselves want for pleasure and how to be more open to receiving that pleasure. 
  • Understand how culture, cultural identity, and intersectionality are related to your behavioral health and your relationship
  • Discuss how our bias, power, and privilege can affect relationships and come up in relationship therapy with the clinician.
  • Describe how communication styles can differ across cultures. 
  • Discuss ways to learn more about one another's intersectional identities as a way to bridge the gap between various sexual styles.

Often, relationship therapy is a solution that can provide valuable advice for this relationship, or the next if you have to consciously complete (end) the relationship. 

 

Here are some example of reviews that demonstrate how LCAT has helped our clients’ relationships:

Relationship Therapy

Relationship Therapy

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Why Couples Therapy Fails

Why Couples Therapy Fails & What To Do About It

Why Couples Therapy Fails & What To Do About It

 

We often get asked why couples therapy fails, and the truth is, most couples have failed long before they get to couples therapy. 

Think about how annoyed you have to be at a partner to even ask them to go to couples therapy. 

And if that doesn’t satisfy you, we will answer the common reasons why couples therapy fails here. 

As a couples therapist, I have seen many couples and/or relationships struggle, replenish, and also fail.

The main reason why couples therapy fails though is something that I studied as a graduate student. 

I even presented on how to ensure couples therapy succeeds at an AAMFT Conference in 2010. 

Many reasons on why couples therapy fails come to therapists making suggestions that don’t work for different types of couples:

  • Egalitarian or traditional marriage
  • Religious or arranged marriages
  • Long distance relationships 
  • Interracial relationships
  • Consensual non-monogamy
  • Polyamory and / or swingers
  • BDSM / kink / fetish sexualities
  • Open arrangements
  • Tantric and spiritual aware partnerships

 

Common couples therapist mistakes:

  • Increased time together isn’t going to work when there is no foundation of trust
  • Increased date nights do not work if the couple has sexual difficulties
  • Reading and doing the love language test is great until one partner is resentful
  • One partner overgives and the other continues to take
  • Discussing symptoms instead of the underlying problem
  • Lack of systemic awareness leading to presenting issue

So how do you ensure that your couples therapist is right for you? 

Instead of asking why does couples therapy fail… especially during a time like a pandemic and a systematic shift in the culture… begin to look for solution-focused answers!

Here are some questions to ask:

  • Do you have any positive reviews written online with clients willing to share their experiences?
  • Are you a marriage and family therapist?
  • What was your undergraduate, graduate, and postgraduate education in? 
  • Do you have a license to practice psychotherapy? 
  • What specific courses have they taken as a couples therapist? 
  • What is their experience in studying sexuality? 
  • Does the couples therapist give homework?
  • What are their expectations and outcomes with clients who do all their homework?

First of all, changing the language from “failing” to “struggling” or “avoiding” or “stuck.”

When we focus on failure, it helps no one and frames our circumstances in a losing situation. 

Generally speaking, couples and couples therapists should work together to identify the willingness to work on the relationship or end the relationship (ideally with a conscious completion). 

Amazing skills to begin before seeking couples therapy is our recommended reading of other blogs we have written, reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg, and The Gottman Institutes resource as they focus on conflict and communication in relationships. 

These tips can help, and yet the best thing to do is to work with a clinician or psychotherapy who has experience in couples therapy success, to help you guide you and your partner in this process to continue or complete your relationship.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


why do marriages fail

Why Do Marriages Fail During Covid?

Why Do Marriages Fail During Covid?

 

We are here to answer “why do marriages fail,” especially for those of you getting divorced during coronavirus. 

During COVID, many marriages have remained in close quarters with limited interaction with others. As a couple’s therapist, I have seen many couples and/or relationships struggling due to quarantine, and I am here to answer why do marriages fail and why are so many couples struggling during this time?

Most marriages and couples have not had to spend this much time with each other ever or since they were in the beginning stages of their relationship when hormones 

Why Do Marriages Fail

were raging.

Generally why marriages fail is due to a struggle in: 

  • Communication
  • Sex
  • Finances
  • Parenting
  • Differences in political beliefs
  • Expectations about the future or priorities

During COVID, why marriages fail and couples struggle is because these categories (communication, sex, finances, etc) have become exacerbated.

As with many things, why marriages fail boils down to communication. If couples were not communicating well before the pandemic, it is more than likely that that has not improved due to:

  • Increased time together
  • Increased stress
  • Limited outside contact with others
  • Limited ability to be outside the home and/or living area
  • Limited ability to see one another if they do not live together
  • Changes in work expectations
  • Telecommuting or helping kids complete school work
  • Lack of privacy
  • Conflict with other close relationships

 

What Can Couples Do?

First of all, changing the language from “failing” to “struggling” or “not working out.” When we focus on failure it does not help. 

Generally speaking, couples should work together to identify if they have the willingness to try to work on the relationship or end the relationship (ideally with a conscious completion). If both partners are willing to try to work through these struggles or difficulties it is usually enlist a third party to help (professional) whether that's a therapist, coach, or religious member who provides counseling.

Within COVID (and also generally), boundaries are paramount. Being able to have boundaries around work, the relationship, family time, date time, etc. When we do not do this then we set our relationship up to truly have difficulty. Boundaries are helpful and within COVID, these are incredibly important, as there is limited privacy or socialization happening outside the home. 

Why Do Marriages Fail

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION! 

We communicate even when we do not intend to, which means both verbal and nonverbal. We do a whole lot of communication, so if you are communicating with your partner(s) then you may want to consider doing it most effectively. 

This is something that can be coached in sessions with therapists and coaches and finding strong resources. 

For those of you who are here to answer “why do marriages fail,” especially during coronavirus, I hope you have gotten some useful information.

I would recommend reading other blogs written in LCAT, reading Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg, and The Gottman Institutes resource as they focus on conflict and communication in relationships. 

These tips can help and the best thing to do is to work with a professional who can help you guide you in this process or work collaboratively with your partner to have a conscious completion (intentional, collaborative end to the relationship).

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


couple sex

Couples Sex is Unique!

Couples Sex is Unique!

 

Couples sex is unique to each partnership, and often important!

The thing is couples sex varies in your lifetime between you and a partner. 

Couples sex vary by individuals desires, yet we can agree it is often when both individuals are pleased and the relationship is thriving and growing. 

If you’re not in the habit of discussing couples sex, why not give it a try? 

For couples sex enhancements… continue reading! 

Step 1: Go to google drive, and start a shared drive with your partner(s)! 

There’s something magical about writing down your hopes and fantasies. 

They tend to come true! 

 

Step 2: Plan Ahead! 

  • Plan a weekly date night - for sex! 
  • Plan another night for talking about maintenance conversations
    • What do we have to buy? 
    • Is something broken in the house? 
    • Bills? Changes? Requests? 

 

Step 3: Work on yourself because growing is attractive! 

  • Experience vulnerability - a major component in intimacy. 
  • Learn about your own body and pleasure in solo sex!

 

Step 4: Support your partner by using reflective listening!

  • What I think I hear you saying is _____. Is that close?

 

Step 5: Don’t blame your partner! 

  • Couples sex is better when we as a couple are co creating with the world. 
  • We are not in charge of the world… yet we get to be in charge of what we say, think, and even prune and develop. 

 

If nothing else, use your imagination and fantasies you would like to try to make new couples sex experiences. Ask yourself: does my inner _____ (Stripper) really vibe with your inner _____ (Romantic). 

Maybe... or maybe not. 

It is good to know that those two are not going to enjoy showing up together in life or in the bedroom. 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Questions for Couples

Questions for Couples Who Never Apologize

Questions for Couples Who Never Apologize

 

If you’re in a relationship and can’t ever seem to apologize, or have a partner who won’t, there are some questions for couples that you can explore to get to the root of the issue. 

It can be incredibly difficult to apologize if you’ve done something wrong, and sometimes it can feel like a sign of weakness. These questions for couples who never apologize should help you and your partner navigate the complications around apologizing and help you open up more loving communication. 

 

Why Is There Tension Around Apologizing?

This is one of the most important questions for couples who struggle to apologize. Until the “why” is addressed, it can be very difficult to move forward.

Open communication around how we hurt one another takes a lot of vulnerability, humility and bravery. It means putting aside pride, being open minded and letting go of being “right”. 

So ask yourself: why can’t I apologize? Were you discouraged from apologizing as a kid? Did you grow up in a household that didn’t value apologies? Do you feel shame and weakness around admitting you’re wrong? 

As a couple or as individuals, it can be beneficial to consult a therapist to help unravel what is blocking you from moving forward in a more open, communicative and humble way as a couple. 

In the meantime, there are many questions for couples struggling with apologies that can get the conversation going. 

 

Can you acknowledge your partner’s positive traits?

When you are seeking an apology, you can’t just demand one! So, start by acknowledging the positive traits of your partner.

When you are not in the heat of an argument, and want to broach the subject of deserving an apology, sit down with your partner and begin the conversation with the things you value most about them.

Explain why you are grateful for their partnership: perhaps they are supportive of your career, or are incredibly affectionate, or are a wonderful parent. Tell them you love them. 

This opens the conversation from a place of love and gratitude rather than blame and hurt. If your partner tends to become defensive in disagreements, this can help them take their guard down. It signals that the conversation isn’t about criticizing them or blaming them for everything bad in the relationship. 

Questions for Couples

 

Can You Hold Each Other Accountable?

The conversation can get a little more delicate at this point. It will require you to be humble and open, and accept responsibility for your half of the problem. Accountability for the way you respond to your partner, and accountability for telling them how you truly feel. 

Keep the conversation about how their actions (or inactions) make you feel: don’t attach intent to their actions. Something like “When you do X I feel Y” or “When you said X it made me feel like I’m Y”. 

It isn’t constructive to attach assumptions or interpret their intentions. Saying things like “You said that to make me feel stupid” comes from a place of blame, whereas “When you said that, it made me feel like my intelligence is undervalued” keeps the focus on your reaction. 

A lot of times, this is when someone will apologize. It surely wasn’t their intent to make you feel that way, and they may explain what their intentions were. 

If you are the person who has trouble apologizing, ask yourself: how can I speak to my partner in a way that makes my intentions clear without belittling them? Can I own my 50% and be humble enough to apologize for hurting their feelings or letting them down? 

 

Can You Conclude With An Apology?

If for some reason you have trouble saying “I’m sorry”, there are ways to apologize with different language. 

By acknowledging that what you did was hurtful or wrong and stating why it was hurtful or wrong will be a great foundation for forgiveness. Acknowledging the “why” informs your partner that you understand where they are coming from and will be able to recognize how to fix it. 

If you are the one seeking an apology, conclude with “what comes up for you when I say this?” Your partner may need time to process what you have told them. After all, they may not have been aware that they even hurt you! 

This question opens the floor for them to comment on their feelings, clarify their intentions and acknowledge that they have hurt you. 

There is a possibility that they will become defensive or feel embarrassed. This is not unexpected, and they may just need time to go and figure out what they are feeling and what they want to do. 

Questions for Couples

 

When Is It Time To Let Go?

Is it ever okay to let go without an apology? Yes! If your partner has shown changes in their behavior, or it doesn’t matter to you, or they’ve made it up to you in other ways this can be fine. 

It isn’t okay if they continuously accuse you of “making it up” or continue the hurtful behaviors. 

Gaslighting and belittling are not okay, and if they are unwilling to change or communicate, it may be time to move forward without them. 

Forgiveness is a personal choice, and you are never obligated to forgive someone for a major betrayal or breach of trust. Forgiveness does however help you minimize the hurt and grow from the experience, and keeps you from wallowing in bitterness and resentment. 

Forgiveness isn’t easy, and apologizing isn’t easy either! If this is a recurring issue for you, consider these questions for couples who can’t apologize and consult with a therapist to help you move forward- ideally together! 

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling Near Me

 

Have you looked online recently for “couples counseling near me”? Whether you’ve recently moved or are completely new to therapy, finding the right counselor to work with you and your partner is so important.

The right therapist is like a bridge between the couple you are now and the one you want so badly to be. They can guide you through the fog of learned behaviors, past trauma, and communication roadblocks into a healthier and fuller relationship.

The bottom line is, don’t stop your search for a therapist until you know you’ve found the right one. If you hold back or enter into couples counseling being guarded, then it’s going to impede your progress.

Knowing exactly what you want from counseling isn’t absolutely necessary at first. Most couples turn to therapy when they start to fight more, the sex isn’t great, or your goals aren’t aligned.  

Eventually, you’ll want to focus on things that make the most difference and areas where your therapist can help you most effectively.

Couples Counseling Near Me

 

Improving Communication in Your Relationship

Managing communication in your relationship is one of the most important aspects of building a good foundation. That means monitoring and improving your communication patterns, as well as adjusting to how your partner communicates.

Many couples who say they aren’t communicating well are simply talking past each other and dealing with residual resentment that prevents you from being vulnerable.

When you resent your partner on some level, getting candid feedback can be a challenge. When resentment levels are high, then even things like receiving compliments on your physical appearance or professional accomplishments becomes hard.

You think your partner is being sarcastic or question their motives when they make overtures. You wonder, whether secretly or aloud, whether they mean it or if they’re trying to manipulate you.

Those things may be true, but before you go to bed with those convictions, you should do some self-inventory alone or with the help of a therapist. A quick online search for “couples counseling near me” can get you started in the right direction.

People I meet with are often surprised at how deeply they’ve fallen into poor communication habits. Learning to speak with the right emotions and message is a skill that takes practice. It doesn’t come equally for everyone.

In my experience, it’s important to arm ourselves with strategies that we can use in real-time when dealing with conflict or confusion. We also need to learn how to reaffirm and uplift our partners, especially if words of affirmation is one of their love languages.

Couples Counseling Near Me

Couples Counseling for Intimacy

Along with finances, sex is one of the biggest reasons that drive couples apart. It underscores how important deep intimacy, meaningful touch, and the occasional wild sexcapade are to our emotional and physical health.

If you find yourself searching for couples counseling near me because you’re having trouble in your sex life, here are some tips that can help your search.

First, you want to find a certified sex therapist with experience dealing with similar situations. Of course, the kind of experience you’ll need depends a great deal on where you are personally.

Some people going to couples counseling to deal with intimacy issues are confronting difficult pasts that inhibit sexual expression. Others are trying to find new ways to push the boundaries of their sexuality with things like roleplaying, BDSM, anal sex, and other types of kink.

I can’t stress enough how vital it is to work with someone who knows how to use pleasure in healing relationships between partners. I work with people to set and achieve sexual goals, something many people haven’t done in their lives even though everyone should!

The right therapist will work with you to improve the sexual dynamics in your relationship, and also dig deep into any issues like shame or problems with body image that are holding you back. We can open up new parts of your sexual experience by exploring power dynamics, toys, and things like tantric breathing to inject excitement into a sex life that’s become a bit bland.

 

Couples Counseling Near Me and How to Choose

You should know that a good therapist will be feeling you out as much as you are. This alignment starts from the first phone call and emails into the early sessions. We want to see your progress, and after some time meeting and talking with couples, we have a good idea of whether we’ll be able to see change.

A therapist and the couples they counsel need to be on the same page. For example, I take a flexible, open approach that often focuses on sex-positivity to help you improve your sex life and your connection with your partner. I communicate directly and sometimes combine therapy with tantric techniques for deeper immersion into learning.

With over 15,000 client hours, I know that approach doesn’t work for everyone. It’s part of my job to recognize early on if there is enough progress to indicate future success.

My passion is helping use physiology to improve sexual satisfaction in an environment free from judgment. If you’re dealing with desire discrepancy with your partner, or you’re eager to experiment with bondage or an open relationship, I have sexual strategies that can help you manage change.

Wherever you’re at in your relationship, there is always hope. I see people in dire situations where it seems like all is lost and therapy is their last gasp at saving a marriage. I also meet with people all the time to talk about our bodies and how we can use sex to improve our quality of life.

Every couple who enters therapy is different. There may be slight similarities in the motivation for seeking counseling. The strategies and techniques you will use to better yourself and your relationship will be unique.

Learn about how you can become a better partner by finding a counselor who speaks to your body and mind. Break the patterns you find yourself stuck in and carve a new path for the future.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


How To Save My Marriage! 

How To Save My Marriage! 

 

Step by step guide on how to save my marriage is here for you. 

Seriously, how long has it taken you to google how to save my marriage?

If longer than a year, that’s an eternity in our fast-changing, “what’s new today” world. 

You may be here because you or your partner(s) feels: 

  • Annoyed
  • Irritated
  • Betrayed
  • Degraded
  • Shamed
  • Blamed

 

Step 1 on How To Save My Marriage

Accept that to save your marriage is going to be slow and tedious, yet really helpful! 

I imagine a part of you feels your partner is confusing because they excuse their behaviors, and yet aren’t willing to learn about you or hear what you are saying. 

My take is that because your partner and you are needing help on “how to save my marriage,” that I can give you a very strange take on how to slowly yet practically unwind the tangled mess. 

 

Step 2 is to Use Your Psyche!

Go to therapy or use the Inner Aspects Method (IAM) by Francesca Gentille!how to save my marriage

A quick synopsis of the IAM model is that ALL OF US have 100s of inner aspects on the inside. 

They are brilliant parts of us created by our psyche to survive. 

We can be heroes and villains in our own story. 

Sometimes, it goes awry in a partnership and tangles up though. 

You may not even be aware subconsciously of the many inner parts of your personality. 

My truth is that there is no "ONE" thing that we are as a partner though. I wish there were... it would feel really comforting to know. Life, relationships, and relationships with responsibility and/or power dynamics are more nuanced and layered than one answer. 

 

Step 3 Nonviolent Communication will save your marriage! 

Nonviolent communication and Tony Robbins’ 6 Human Needs will teach you exactly how to save my marriage! 

Each part of our psyche has different needs! See the graphic of the human needs here!

Humans WILL get these needs met (in HEALTHY or UNHEALTHY ways). 

If we can slow down our world a bit and self-reflect and evaluate who we are on the inside... we can slow down enough to get conscious of who we are inside. 

And then, figure out what STRATEGIES  (examples of strategies: 

  • Work
  • Yoga
  • eating healthy
  • Attraction
  • Drugs

What are some of the ways you get your needs met through work? Which parts of you are getting those needs met? 

For me, the therapist parts of me get my needs of contribution, uncertainty, connection, and certainty through some of the strategies I use daily with my clients and my staff. 

 

Step 4 is Reconciliation on the past. 

Whoever is MOST accountable wins. Continue to own parts of what you did to contribute to the current state of events. Seek a licensed marriage and family therapist, someone trained with a license in couples counseling, or seek someone who knows about balancing out the foundation of the relationship. 

Begin moving through old stories and blame or shame. 

Realize that these inner messages, if you have a partner willing to do the work and grow with you, are not going to be helpful for the relationship you are building. 

 

Step 5 is where we envision a new marriage! 

New rituals, vows, and more consciousness. Begin feeling inspired. Looking at your partner, and even friends, with loving eyes. New visions and recalibrating what you would like to create is often helpful to move through times that are uncertain and uncomfortable.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call us at 203-733-9600 and press 0 to leave a message, or make an appointment.


Hypersexuality

The Harmful Myth of Hypersexuality

The Harmful Myth of Hypersexuality

 

Did you know that hypersexuality, sometimes referred to as “sex addiction,” is not a universally recognized or scientifically recognized addiction?

This may bring you a sense of relief, it may bring you a sense of confusion - how is it that so many people, especially celebrities in the media, are claiming to be “sex addicts?” then?

To give you perspective on how treatment for hypersexuality was born, you should know that in the late 70’s a chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous decided they would try and apply the famous 12 step program to their perceived issues around infidelity, porn watching and “out of control” sexual desires.

This model not only relied on oversimplifying human sexuality and trying to cram it into the framework of substance abuse, it also relied on a religious or spiritual component.

While religion can be a beautiful thing, and science shows that those with faith have overall happier, and more productive lives, there are many misconceptions, binaries, and narrow definitions around sex and sexuality in religious contexts.

According to David Ley, a clinical psychologist, and the author of The Myth of Sex Addiction “sex addiction is truly a social phenomenon, not a clinical or medical one.”

Is your mind blown yet? In an interview for Vice, Ley goes on to say, “most people who self-identify as sex addicts do so because they or their spouse read an article or saw a talk show about sex addiction.”

So, are you a sex addict or just experiencing hypersexuality?

 

What does “Sex Addiction” have to do with Hypersexuality?

The conclusion you can reach here is that most people didn’t even know they had a “problem” or “deviant sexual behavior” until they found out about it in the media or googling it!

This is the same media that objectifies women, reaffirms stereotypes around sex, race and class, and ultimately misrepresents the healthy sexual habits and desires of “normal people.”

It is the same media that salivates over Tiger Woods’ cheating on his wife and reveals salacious details of celebrity sex tapes.

Agents, managers and PR people know this to be true and use it to their client’s advantage (just imagine Harvey Weinstein blamed his atrocities on his “sex addiction” rather than his misogyny, narcissism and sociopathy).

Sex addiction is a great scapegoat for not finding “consent,” and after all, if addictions are a disease that can’t be helped, it may absolve you of accountability when you violate someone’s trust or consent.

 

Why is “Sex Addiction” a Problem?

Unfortunately, people who have hypersexual tendencies tend to have more sex, enjoy exploring their sexuality, may have multiple sexual partners, or view sex as a priority in their lives, are stigmatized and painted with the same brush as those with a “sex addiction.”

People who are hypersexual can be portrayed as untrustworthy, out of control, disgusting, immoral and even criminal. Meanwhile, criminals can avoid accountability due to their “sex addiction,” creating a lose-lose situation.

The reality is, hypersexuality in and of itself is not a bad thing!

North American culture is notoriously puritanical when it comes to sex and sexuality, so with an open mind and mutual respect, one can be safely, and ethically, hypersexual.

In fact, being hypersexual can be a great thing!

 

What Hypersexuality is NOT! Busting Hypersexuality Myths!

Don’t get it twisted: being hypersexual isn’t necessarily negative, yet it is stigmatized and unfairly (and often unscientifically) associated with other problems.

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT infidelity. Infidelity is when someone violates a partner’s trust or their agreed upon terms in their relationship. Open relationships and polyamorous partnerships are built on communication, boundaries and intimacy, and they can be an ethical way to enjoy sex with multiple people without violating trust.

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT a moral failing. Unfortunately, most of us are raised to believe that you grow up, fall in love, and marry someone that you will have sex with for the purpose of having children. Anyone who has sexual desire fell outside of this “norm” can be deemed a sex addict, a slut, whore, or pervert.

Did you know that sex addiction is most frequently self diagnosed by gay and bisexual men?

This is likely because they are taught to feel ashamed of their desires for other men or their “deviant” needs, and this feeling of judgment and embarrassment around sex is often found in people who come in stating they are sex addicts.

Are you ashamed because you feel you are hurting other people, or do you feel ashamed because society has told you you’re wrong for loving and desiring sexual experiences outside of the heterosexual, monogamous relationships?

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT the same as a side effect: Hypersexuality, as we are discussing it, is consensual, pleasurable, and healthy sex that happens more often than others feel comfortable with, and we are not discussing the physiological side effect of some medication or time of month where arousal is higher.

Just as some meds can lower your libido, some medications and health conditions actually put your libido into overdrive, which is only a problem if you feel it is tiring, out of control or unwanted. Like mentioned earlier, sometimes partners are the ones who “diagnose.”  

  •   Hypersexuality is NOT an excuse.

TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Assault.

Hypersexuality is never a valid excuse for violating a person’s trust or consent. Period.

Acting as a rapist not hypersexual, it is a criminal act. As research states, sexual assault rarely has to do with sexual gratification, yet much more about power (and sometimes entitlement).

A high libido is not associated with pedophilia, bestiality, or any other sexual crimes.  

This blog post may seem a bit more serious than usual, yet it is important to know the answers to “WHY” stigmas around hypersexuality are so harmful!

 

The Benefits of Being Hypersexual

Now for the fun stuff: what are some advantages to being hypersexual?

  •   The world is your oyster: hypersexual people tend to be more open minded about their sexuality, and this can mean opening yourself up to new experiences with a variety of people. This of course doesn’t mean that all hypersexual people identify as queer or alternative, rather that they are able to experience a lot of different types of sex, whatever their sexuality orientation or preferences may be.
  •   Communication: people who are successfully hypersexual are often excellent communicators. If you take your pleasure seriously and love having sex, you are more likely to ask for what you want and ask your sexual partner what they desire. This makes for better, more satisfying sex because communication is often so sexy!
  •   A vivid imagination: If you enjoy a lot of sex and are constantly wanting to better yourself sexually, you probably have an awesome imagination! Hypersexual people fantasize about sex more often than people with lower libidos, and that means a lot of brain activity, a rich fantasy life and a boost in creativity.
  •   Confidence & Empowerment: When you embrace who you are and pursue a life that is pleasurable, ethical, and fun, you ooze confidence. Not just the confidence of feeling attractive (though that is a nice feeling), you also have the empowerment of being an independent thinker, and the confidence of someone who challenges social norms with healthy questioning.

As you can see, hypersexuality can be empowering and a lot of fun!

Issues with hypersexuality are often the same issues we come across in heteronormative relationships: jealousy, a need for communication, and fulfillment of sexual desire.

If you are practicing safe sex, enthusiastic and informed consent and are satisfied, there is no need to be ashamed or seek “treatment” for “sex addiction,” so we suggest proudly and confidently calling yourself hypersexual!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.