50 shades

Sex Therapist Brings 50 Shades to Your Bedroom

Sex Therapist Brings 50 Shades to Your Bedroom

 

So you have read the 50 Shades books, and have you had anyone bring Christian Grey to your bedroom? 

Well, I can. Almost! 

  • Date night because Valentine's Day isn't over after February 14! Treat 1 day every week like it's Valentine's Day for your sweetie. Why? Because giving gifts - whether it be yourself or a present - is sexy! Go mark it ok your calendar now. Pick a sexy day for you and your partner every week! I personally like Fridays. 

  • Teach him the ropes - yes, literally ropes. You'll love me for this... learn to tie a square knot. It's easy and it will take you to the next level. Check my YouTube page

  • Blindfolds - utilize an old shirt, the free blindfolds they give on airplanes, or a scarf and ask your partner to blindfold you before having sex. You will be amazed at how different your thoughts are when you can't see! Trust me... try it.

  • Use the power of suggestion - each day, use a word such as "pleasure" or "indulge" in your conversations via text or phone. Then when you see him in person, say the word "pleasure" or "indulge" while grabbing his arm or grazing his side. 

  • Sexy stories - Suggest that you write an erotic story together. Once your partner agrees, you start by writing the first paragraph. 

  • Make it a paragraph from a 50 Shades scene! Your partner writes a paragraph the next day. 

  • This way, you two are learning each other's specific giving and receiving desires. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Taboo Sex

How We Think About Taboo Sex

How We Think About Taboo Sex

Why is it that we feel so much anxiety about expressing our desires about taboo sex? 

Perhaps it’s because sex is usually something that’s done in private and opening up about fetishes or kinks that we are into can make us feel vulnerable.

It’s also hard to know when you’ve crossed the line...

There’s no governing body in charge of what kind of sex is OK and what’s crossing the line. You might shudder at the thought of speaking openly about what kind of sexual activity you’re into. 

One way to think about it is, how would you feel if your porn search history were to be broadcast publicly? Would you be mortified?

As a society, we’ve become conditioned along moral lines that implicitly say what’s normal and what’s taboo sex. 

If you’re into women and you’re caught searching for “hot blonde with natural tits,” you might get shoulder shrugs. If it is “foursome bondage featuring hot milf”, that may raise some eyebrows.

We’re certainly not used to dealing with the outer rings of sexual behavior. Here are some thoughts on what taboo sex is and how we should think about it and approach it.

 

The Sexual Spectrum

Some people fit in boxes, some don’t. The same sexual positions, sexual fantasies, ideal body images, etc. are so popular, because they have widespread appeal. A lot of people like big breasts or a hot guy with a big hard penis. There are, however, people with different sexual appetites.

Taboo Sex

If you’re into a sexual activity like bondage, submission, sexual humiliation, group sex, or some uncommon fetish, it’s important first to come to terms with what that means for you. Whatever your sexual inclinations, you need to make sure you find the right balance that allows you to express yourself and find fulfillment sexually, but at the same time approach sex in a way that it doesn’t negatively affect you.

 

Finding the Right Partner(s)

We’re lucky now to live in an era where we can communicate online and find people with common interests across distance. You’re not stuck anymore in your small community dealing with a limited group of people. If you want them, you can find sexual opportunities all over the place.

There are apps, groups, and other ways to find people into the same things you are. 

Taboo Sex

That’s great for you if you’re new to sexual exploration and what to find out more. Finding the right partner or partners is so important, especially when it comes to taboo sex.

First, you need to make sure you’re in a safe place. For sure, even when you’re dealing with what’s considered “normal” sex on a first date or in a new relationship, you need to be safe. On the other hand, venturing into what many people consider taboo sex can be more complicated, because you may not know the social guidelines for engagement.

If, for example, you want to give group sex a try, do your best to find someone you trust to introduce you to that world. It’s much less likely you’ll end up hurt or feel like you’ve been taken advantage of.

 

Different Types of Taboo Sex

Taboo Sex

Sexual exploration can be a wonderful experience for you and your partner(s). For many people, sex isn’t only about the physical interaction that takes place in the bedroom with the lights off. 

There’s a whole lot that feeds into the sexual experience, whether it be power dynamics, connecting with experience or emotion from a different stage of your life, or releasing emotions or feelings you repress in your everyday life.

Here are some of the common types of taboo sex and what they involve:

 

Bondage

Bondage is a common form of sexual power play where one partner ties up, handcuffs, or otherwise restricts the movement of the other. Some people get extremely turned on by a feeling of being dominated or helpless. Likewise, others enjoy being the dominant sexual partner.

 

Humiliation

Erotic humiliation is a consensual activity that involves some form of humiliation that triggers sexual arousal. Often it involves sexual roleplay like you or your partner kneeling and performing humiliating tasks. Humiliation can also involve punishments that are meant to turn you or your partner on.

 

Group Sex

This is a bit less taboo than humiliation or bondage, but that’s mainly because it’s featured more regularly in movies or sexual fantasies. 

Still, group sex is considered taboo, because sometimes it involves people you may not know. It can also mean more than just three people.

 

Partner Sharing

This is sometimes called cuckolding and refers to when you or your partner will ask another person, stranger or friend, to have sex with your partner. Some people experience sexual arousal watching or knowing their partner is having sex with someone else.

 

Fetishes

Fetish is generally believed to be something you or someone else can’t get sexually aroused without. 

That might sound tame enough, yet fetishes vary widely, and they usually involve something that’s not usually thought to be sexual like feet or eating during sex. Some people have a fetish that involves ruining their orgasm just as it’s about to happen.

 

You Only Live Once

If you’re completely satisfied with your sex life, I’m not telling you to go out and try a little humiliation sex to see if it’s for you. A lot of the time, people know they’re into some form of taboo sex, but stop themselves from trying it out of fear of being judged or shamed.

That’s not good news. What you’ll end up with is life feeling sexually frustrated. And it’s not just you that it affects. Your partner will be able to sense that something’s wrong. If you’re into one of the above taboo sexual behaviors, or something else I haven’t covered here, the best thing you can do is come to grips with it.

Bondage

Repeat after me, as long as it’s consensual behavior between two adults, then it’s not out of bounds. Remember, sex is about fun, it’s playful, it’s hot, and it’s complicated. We’ve come a long way in the past few decades removing the stigma from a lot of what’s considered taboo sex. The more willing you are to think about it and accept any kinks you might have, the further you’ll go. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Playboy article on sexual choking

Sexual choking uncovered in Playboy

Amanda Pasciucco was interviewed for a Playboy magazine article about sexual choking.

So You're Into Choking...

Written by

BRIDGET PHETASY

One of the common questions I’m asked, both as a woman and the Playboy Advisor, goes something like this: “My girlfriend is into choking. What’s up with that?”

As someone who occasionally enjoys a little light gripping of the neck, that question is something worth exploring because, to be honest, I don’t have the answer. In fact, the question alone brings up feelings of internal shame and embarrassment. Is there something wrong with me? I’m not alone in my confusion. As one man told me for this story, “I like choking, but question women who want to be choked too hard. That’s not because I’m judging, but because I wonder why anyone would want to feel like they’re about to die?”

To come to grip with this increasingly popular sex act—which in its varying forms ranges from breathplay to erotic asphyxiation—I decided to speak with six experts on the subject.

One thing that stood out right away is this important warning: Erotic choking is dangerous no matter your level of engagement or expertise. Before we dive into the physiological and psychological factors at play, let’s start with safety.

Across the board, experts urges extreme caution “We get a lot of mixed messages because of the depiction of it in porn,” says certified sex therapist Kimberly Resnick Anderson, “but sexual choking or breath play is really dangerous. Even in the BDSM community, it’s never safe. There is always a lethal risk.” “Because of the risk, the absolute safest way to practice this activity is to keep it as a fantasy,” Heather McPherson, a licensed marriage therapist explains. “Breath play, erotic choking and erotic asphyxiation are generally terms recognized under the umbrella of edgeplay. This type of activity is recognized as high-risk even for experienced individuals.” And clinical sexologist and psychotherapist Kristie Overstreet says, “The only way to ensure safety is to not participate in this at all.”

But if you still insist on experimenting with breath play, certified sex therapist and author Amanda Pasciucco says to “take a class on the subject. Choking is an easy way to have fun and explore with a partner, but there is definitely a safe way and a dangerous way to choke. Whatever you do, do not put pressure on the trachea.”

McPherson advises, “the person performing this activity should be trained in CPR, highly educated in the physiological effects and keenly aware of the risk involved. It’s important to stay attuned to your partner’s responses and to communicate to each other throughout the experience. Discuss all of this long before play takes place and establish a verbal safe word and non-verbal safe action.”


So what exactly is going on physiologically when a person gets choked? Well, you’re literally robbing your brain of oxygen. “This could bring about a lucid, semi-hallucinogenic state. Hypoxia can occur if you reduce oxygen intake or if you reduce blood flow to the brain. It can make a person lightheaded, giddy and can allegedly intensify an orgasm,” explains McPherson. The rush of oxygen after the release of a choke timed with climax can create “a different kind of orgasm that isn’t replicated in vanilla sex or masturbation,” says Overstreet. “The pleasure-seeking center of the brain gets pushed into overdrive during erotic choking. Pushing the limit and walking the thin line between breathing or not breathing can send a powerful surge of endorphins throughout the body.”

The psychological effect of erotic choking is almost more powerful than the physical, although the interplay of sex and death and chemistry is what makes this practice so intoxicating. One man confessed to me, “I’m in to it giving but I hate receiving—talk about control issues.” A woman said, “For me, it gives me the ability to just lose control for a little while. I feel like I’m always in such control of whatever I’m doing it’s nice to be able to release and let someone else have the ability to take over for those few moments.”

This woman’s experience reflects a pattern observed by the experts working with thousands of individuals for decades. “For women who are being choked, it’s liberating to give up control and trust someone with your life,” says Anderson. “For men who enjoy choking it’s about what a woman is willing to let him do and the fact that this woman trusts him with her life. Both sexes get off on getting as close to death as you can—and cheating it.”

“Through my years of experience with my private practice I have learned a great deal about the correlation between one’s sexuality and their beliefs and attitude on death. An example: many individuals who fear death have a fear of sex. One’s own relationship to death is almost always reflected in one’s sexuality. This includes fetishes such as erotic choking,” says Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones.

”Often, we do things sexually because we know it turns our partner on. That fact in and of itself can be a turn on for us—knowing that we (our bodies) are supplying the pleasure,” says Dr. Debra Laino. “The control of taking someone’s life (breath) away and then giving it back to them is exhilarating for some. For some it is the depth of love making, which includes a different level of trust and intimacy.”

The vast majority of the 30 women I interviewed enjoyed an occasional light erotic choke, but that seems to be the threshold for most women; less than a third of them express an interest in exploring anything beyond that such as ties or a full choke. My girlfriend summed it up in a nutshell when she said, “Powerlessness, trust and pleasure.”

The BDSM community’s mantra is “Safe, Sane and Consensual.” One man broke that down saying, “For me, as an element of a power play, erotic choking can be fun. As someone who is dominant in the bedroom, I can be into choking with a few essential things in mind: a suggestion by my partner that it is desirable; establishment of a safe word and safe action (three taps on my hip or a pillow; and sufficient awareness of human anatomy. Always focus pressure on sides of neck and avoid pressure to trachea.”

It’s the latter that you must take precautions with during breath play. It’s all too easy to accidentally cause real injury while role-playing. In order to avoid injuries and misunderstandings, make sure it’s always consensual; if a man I didn’t know that well started choking me, it would scare the shit out of me.

Make sure you do your homework. Find an expert to teach you the correct way to engage in breath play. Many local sex-toy shops offer classes in various forms of kink and there are many “experts” online—but as you would when shopping for any kind of expertise online, exercise caution and be discerning about whom you might meet in real life.

“This can be a dangerous pleasure. Never use alcohol or drugs when engaging in this play,” says Jones. “Remember, this type of play can become highly addictive and as with all addictions, can leave an individual with a craving of needing more and more to satisfy them.”

But if just reading this piece gives you a half chub, there’s nothing wrong with you. If you want to explore it, that’s perfectly natural, and I highly recommend it—but do so with caution.

Read the article on sexual choking at Playboy Magazine: https://www.playboy.com/read/so-youre-into-choking