Bisexuality

Bisexuality and Other Invisible Identities 

Bisexuality and Other Invisible Identities 

 

Being attracted to more than one gender (bisexuality and pansexuality) can be complicated and wonderful! 

In my work and over 8 years of experience as a therapist, I have learned an extraordinary amount about these identities that allow individuals and their partner(s) to manage their needs. 

 

Sexual Identity

Bisexuality is defined as being attracted to “both genders or sexes” and pansexuality is being attracted to all genders. In working with individuals who identify this way, it is clear that there are so ups and downs in the identity. When people within these identities are in a monogamous relationship, some have shared that it feels like their identity is not known. 

 

Relational Identity

Another invisible identity is being in a monogamous relationship when you identify as polyamorous or on the continuum of non-monogamous. 

There are many people who identify as polyamorous that choose to be in a monogamous relationship with their partner due to a variety of reasons. 

Whether that be that they are polyphobic (scared of being polyamorous), their partner is not okay with the idea of it, because there is no protection for employment for open relationships (you can get fired or Child Custody Services called on you if you identify with being in open relationships), or for other personal reasons. 

Polyamory is the idea of loving multiple partners. Polyamory, also known as consensual non-monogamy (CNM) is increasingly becoming common. 

Being in love with more than one person isn’t as radical as it seems and if you want to learn more, check out this blog.

Polyamory can mean having a relationship with more than one person or feeling love, affection, and or having a sexual relationship with more than one person. 

This identity is often misunderstood and has been given a bad wrap because of nonconsensual forms of it (for example: infidelity, cheating, and affairs). 

The key to polyamory is consent. Consent from all people involved and a level of attunement and erring on the side of over-communicating with all partners involved are often essential for those who identify as polyamorous.

Bisexuality

How do you show that you are bisexual or pansexual in a monogamous relationship? 

In other-sex/gender or same-sex/gender relationships, when you are seen holding hands or being affectionate with that partner, you are assumed to be straight or gay/lesbian. 

When you are bisexual, pansexual, or polyamorous in a monogamous relationship, unless you are wearing something (or tattoo it across your forehead haha), there is limited ability to show your identity without verbally speaking it, and often. 

This can be exhausting! To have to constantly come out or correct people can be challenging and overwhelming! 

Some choose to passively accept the label of “gay” or “straight” and others “correct” those who mislabel them. Either can feel defeating as a person with an invisible identity. 

Furthermore, there is a lot of bi/pan/polyphobia in both the heteronormative and queer worlds. 

Many do not believe in these sexualities or I have also heard others sharing that it takes away from the queer identity because people in this identity can access “straight privilege.” 

In the case of people who identify as poly, this can show in the form of making assumptions about what “poly” is because it is very misunderstood. 

Stop the bi/pan/polyphobia! 

Show support for our bi/pan friends and stop invalidating these identities. 

It’s not okay! 

If you don’t get it, learn about it! 

Bisexuality

Being Unseen and the Impacts

There are a variety of ways on how to manage the feeling that a part of your identity is unseen or erased. 

Here are some of our favorite tips at Life Coaching and Therapy:

  • Talk about it! Make it visible! Share your feelings with those you trust, especially your partner. Discuss what it is like and ask your partner to hold that space for you.
  • Educate yourself on open relationships or polyamory to see if that is a choice for you.
  • Strategize! Is there something you and your partner can do that would allow your identity to be seen more?
  • Engage in role play or fantasy play with your partner or by yourself! Why not use masturbation and fantasy 
  • Allow yourself to grieve this through ritual, therapy, spirituality, or other means.
  • Use “radical acceptance” in being able to accept your identity and your choice of person. 
  • COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!

If you are really struggling with feeling unseen or not sure about your experience, reach out to a professional to help. 

This can allow you to explore your identity, ways to grieve, cope, or change. 

The impact of not doing this is ending up feeling resentful, unseen, or causing emotional harm to yourself and others. 

If this is hitting home for you or someone you know, please consider some of the suggestions and finding support. Here at LCAT, we are here to help! Identity, sex, and relationships are our thing!

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


Gender Stereotypes in Toys

Gender Stereotypes in Toys

Gender stereotypes in toys are recurring questions from parents! Parenting is complicated. Gender stereotyping in toys was normal in the past but times have changed!

 

Trying to parent children in an environment that allows for a child to explore their gender expression is complicated. 

GenXers and Millennials are the next generation of parents, and we are seeing them address gender and sexuality in new ways.

Young children and parents are bombarded with gender-specific clothing, toys, diapers, and everything in between.

Now parents are backlashing against the norms of our society around gender and sexuality. 

Many parents are trying to allow self-directed exploration around their children’s gender and sexuality. 

Gender stereotypes in toys

A recent article from CNN addresses that parents are now pushing back on the gendered toys created by the previous generations (December 2019). 

Toys and media representations are starting to show non-binary models, figurines, and playthings that are not the “stereotypical” in terms of form and color. 

The article addresses how gendered toys and marketing took off in the 1940’s and remained mainstream until recently, when parents began to pushback on these gendered ideals. 

These toys and “gender neutral” dolls are showing to be more representative of what adolescents and adults look like NOW! 

These new toys have various hairstyles, body shapes, abilities (some are in wheelchairs), different races, and a variety of clothing options regardless of the gender of the toy.  

As a parent, I want to support my child in exploring their gender identity and expression. 

I love that toys that are now more representative of many individuals and expressions of life, size, ability, and fashion. 

I think it is lovely that we are moving in a direction that focuses on building people’s individuality. Parents realize it is wrong to force anyone into a mold that they may not connect with.

Children who enjoy the more stereotypical gender expressions are not wrong. They can have their choice too!

It is a blessing that the new toys, clothes, and media representations will allow opportunities for all to figure out where they fit in. 

If children like pink, regardless of their gender, they ought to be allowed to play with toys that are pink.

Let’s stop “shoulding” on the next generation of children, parents, and extended families! Let everyone express themselves as they want. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.


they/them

Beyond the Binary UPDATE!

Beyond the Binary UPDATE!

 

Today I heard some great news! The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has added they/them as new pronoun and the word of the year!

This is a huge win for the non-binary and LGBTQ community. For years, people have commented that using they/them as pronouns is “grammatically incorrect” therefore people refused to use they/them as pronouns for people who identified that way. Thus alienating many in the LGBTQ community, specifically the non-binary and gender queer folks, from their friends and family. 

This argument was hurtful and insensitive to so many who already experience daily marginalization and harm. To have Merriam-Webster add this to the dictionary erases that argument and empowers a community who has experienced significant harm as a result. 

Making “they” the word of the year shines a light on the queer community and more specifically the non-binary community. Recently there has been more visibility for those who do not fit in the gender binary coming out such as Sam Smith, Jonathan Van Ness, and Ruby Rose. 

I applaud the company for doing the right thing AND I think there is so much more work that needs to be done to support the non-binary, gender queer, and/or gender spectrum. This is a lovely step towards progress that continues to be needed and necessary. Especially putting a spot light of people on the gender spectrum who are also black or people of color - given that most celebrities highlighted have been white people. 

Here at LCAT we value the queer community and other marginalized populations. We are here to utilize an intersectional approach surrounding the multiple identities our clients (whether it be gender, culture, sexuality, trauma, ethnicity, ability, race, religion, etc.) and how to address and work with the different parts and aspects to ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel - The Sex Healer

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.