Real Orgasm: No Need To Fake It Anymore

Real Orgasm: No Need To Fake It Anymore

 

When was the last time you had a really good, real orgasm? Yeah, we’re talking about the ones where you really enjoyed it and didn’t fake it just to get it over with. Having an orgasm is so much more than just finalizing the intercourse between you and your sexual partner. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of discussions to be held until we all feel comfortable talking about what excites us, what we don’t like and what is necessary for one person to have a good orgasm.

Why fake it?

Although you will instantly imagine a woman when talking about faking orgasms, did you know that men can also fake an orgasm? So, why does one feel the need to fake an orgasm? This happens more often in long-term relationships than in only-sex agreements between two people. The reason for that is pretty obvious – you don’t want to hurt the other person. However, why have we normalized working on every aspect of our relationships besides the sexual? 

Maybe sex is no longer a taboo in media or on social platforms yet it still is in relationships. Hurting your partner is not the only bad outcome you can have from faking an orgasm. That feeling of mutual excitement and satisfaction is very unique and denying yourself the right to enjoy it every time you have sex would mean losing something pretty valuable.

Which benefits does an orgasm have for a person?  

Having a real orgasm will provide you with incredible health benefits. So, the next time you think about faking it, think about it as something good for your health, not just for your sex life. Here are just some of the benefits you can expect to notice from good, real orgasms:

  • An orgasm has impressive sedating powers. When climaxing, it triggers surges of oxytocin and prolactin, the relaxant hormones in our bodies, which when combined with the release of endorphins can result in feeling sleepy. 
  • It regulates your cycle. When you’re having an orgasm, blood and nutrients rush to the vagina making sure everything is working perfectly down there. 
  • It lowers your cortisol levels and takes care of your heart. This way, you don’t have to fear heart diseases that come from elevated levels of cortisol. 
  • During orgasm, the human growth hormone is being released, which also stimulates collagen.
  • Each time you have an orgasm, your pelvic muscles will contract and release, toning your pelvic floor which is pretty important for your core strength, bladder control, etc. 

Besides these stunning health benefits, a real orgasm also makes you closer to your partner. The oxytocin will surge after the orgasm and it will even deepen the connection you have with your partner. If you were wondering what makes you want to cuddle so much after sex, there’s your explanation!

How to get there?

Faking it or not, we all know that to get to orgasm takes more than just snapping your fingers. How to orgasm more often is what many of us want to learn, so to help you enjoy sex more, here are the best tips on how to orgasm more. 

For women, the clitoris is their go-to climaxing place. Many pleasures and releases of orgasm come actually from the clitoris, yet not every woman prefers the same touch. You will need to treat it very individually and learn what each woman likes and dislikes. After all, the preferred touch will help a woman climax quicker and better.

Others will climax when their partner is in contact with their G-spot, placed between the vaginal opening and cervix. Although you cannot see it, you can easily feel it with your finger. When pressing on the G-spot with a finger, penis or vibrator, many women will feel very excited which will then lead to a very pleasant orgasm.  

For those looking for more pleasure, you should go for blended orgasm. This type of climax occurs when more than one of your erogenous zones are being stimulated at the same time. For instance, it can be a G-spot penetration with a little bit of clitoral touching. What you can expect is an explosive orgasm due to the fact of feeling pleasure in different spots of your body. 

In reality, the more orgasms you have, the more you can expect in the future. More practice brings more pleasure. Have an honest conversation with your sexual partner about what you both like and dislike in bed and dedicate some time to explore how both of you can reach maximum pleasure while having sex. 

How to know if your partner is faking it?

Maybe your partner will not be so opened to this conversation and you’ll need to point out the signs that they are not enjoying sex as much as they say they do. These signs are not too obvious and sometimes, they will depend on the person, yet there are several things you might notice if you suspect your sexual life is not as good as you both wish it to be. 

Orgasming on demand.

If your partner comes after you’ve repeatedly asked them to, chances are they are faking it. Adding too much pressure will not get the person to orgasm faster. Instead, focus more on doing the things you know your partner enjoys in bed and forget about the orgasm as the goal.

No foreplay.

This is more for women as they tend to need more foreplay to climax. Skipping foreplay and jumping into sex immediately might be good for a quicky every once in a while, however, don’t turn it into a habit. Try out that thing you read about in your favorite magazine or do something you both once talked about and never did. Don’t limit yourself, explore the world of pleasure and orgasm will come as a delicious dessert for the both of you. 

No contractions.

When the majority of women are climaxing, you will be able to feel their vagina is pulsing. These pelvic muscle contractions will indicate that the vagina walls are gripping. In other words, the woman is experiencing a real orgasm. So, if you hear her screaming that she’s about to come, focus a bit on her pelvic muscles and see if they’re pulsing. If not, it’s time for that real sex talk!

Make your pleasure a priority

Man or woman, we all deserve to feel sexual pleasure. The reason why women don’t have so many orgasms as men do is that they don’t prioritize their pleasure. They will usually think that sex is enough, often forgetting how liberating and sensual an orgasm can be for them. If you and your sexual partner are planning to heat the atmosphere today, think about the things you need to feel the pleasure you deserve. 

Maybe it’s longer foreplay, maybe it’s more clit-game, or maybe you need a bit of a role play. Whatever it is, share it with your partner and get yourself that orgasm you deserve!

Additional Help Available with LCAT’s Sex Therapy Video:

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

how to last longer in bed

How to Last Longer in Bed

HOW TO LAST LONGER IN BED – 50 SEX EXPERTS SHARE THEIR TIPS

Amanda Pasciucco, LCAT founder was interviewed by TheEnhancedMale.com for this article.

Experts Take On Lasting Longer During Sex

 

Lasting longer in bed is a desire of most men. The reality is that it takes much more time for a woman to reach orgasm than for a man. Finishing before their partners can make males feel insecure regarding their sexual performance.

 

Although the intensity and what do you do during sex is more important than the time length, there are tricks that you can use to ensure that you will last longer in bed.

 

To give you the best advice possible, we decided to not limit this article to our experience and knowledge so we reached out to 50 sex experts and ask them the following question:

 

What is your best advice for men who want to last longer in bed?

 

We received a variety of tips that range from physical exercises, breathing techniques, to dealing with your emotions and improving the way you communicate with your partner.

 

Keep reading to see what the experts had to say.

 

Jessica O’Reilly – Sex With Dr Jess
Jessica O'Reilly

 

I offer a full online course on how to last longer in bed and overcome premature ejaculation in 6 steps. This involves:

 

1. Mindfulness practices in masturbation
2. Intentional masturbation to reduce external stimuli
3. Pelvic floor exercises to better understand the muscles that respond to arousal and ejaculation
4. Cognitive-behavioural adjustments to reframe expectations and reduce performance pressure
5. Sex education related to the sexual response cycle and how the body functions during arousal, orgasm and ejaculation

If you want to try an exercise on your own, try basic mindful masturbation:

Touch your entire body for pleasure for 10-20 minutes without trying to reach orgasm. Explore from head to toe. Don’t get hung up on your genitals, but don’t ignore them either.

 

Tune into your unique responses and physical sensations. What are there textures, pressure, rhythm, movements, temperatures and other sensations you feel in your skin?

Try this every day for a week and see what changes in your body. Can you start to recognize when ejaculation is imminent? What can you do to stave it off? Does slowing down help? How about changing positions or loosening your grip?

 

Our intention here isn’t to simply last longer, but to enjoy the process. There is no sense in “lasting longer” via distraction that detracts from pleasure; the point is to have the option to prolong the experience and also genuinely enjoy it.

As you tune into your body’s responses, you’ll likely find that your ability to be more present and enjoy pleasure (without worrying about orgasm/ejaculation) increases.

You may also want to experiment with different breathing patterns while you masturbate.

Try breathing more slowly and deeply. Take a big deep breath in and exhale slowly and purposefully; align your strokes with your breath to really slow things down.

 

See how the sensations and pleasure change as you slow your breath, but don’t worry about how long you last; simply enjoy and observe the process.

 

Diana Wiley – Dear Dr Diana

Diana Wiley

My advice for men who want to last longer in bed.

This is a frequent concern in my sex therapy practice. It’s frustrating for a man (as well as his partner) if he ejaculates too soon after intercourse begins.

 

A woman may want her lover to be able to thrust for a longer time to help her achieve more sexual satisfaction. I have two key pointers for this situation.

First, sometimes just being able to talk about it with your partner can relieve some of the anxiety at the root of the problem.

 

Performance anxiety releases stress hormones, which play havoc with a man’s sexual response. Repeated experiences can lead to this becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

Recognize that this is a couple’s problem—not just the man’s problem. Have some frank and heartfelt discussions, and do some research together to explore the varied treatment options (exercises, medications, counseling, etc.).

Second, see if you can cultivate a playful attitude about the issue. Sure, it can feel devastating at the time, but with help you can make progress. In the meantime, try to lighten up and not take it so seriously.

 

Sex is not a “job” or a “task” to complete. Relax and enjoy the process. And also avoid blaming each other. Work together and remind each other that this is not really about performance or perfection.

 

Megan Fleming – Great Life Great Sex

Megan Fleming

My best advice for men who want to last longer, backed up by Lori Brotto’s extensive clinical research is… to be in the moment, mindfulness, while knowing that the foundation of arousal is relaxation.

 

In my 20 years of clinical experience in NYC, I can tell you the #1 reason men come to my office is related to performance anxiety.

 

It can show up in ejaculating sooner than you’d like, finding it really difficult or not even being able to ejaculate with a partner or having difficulties getting or maintaining an erection.

 

Almost ubiquitously every single one of them was so interested and focused on giving their partner pleasure that they got into their heads and how it’s going to go or fear it will go (I call this anti-fantasy) and well, since none of that is erotic they unwittingly and unconsciously inhibit their own arousal.

 

Nina Rubin – After Deafeat

Nina Rubin

If a man wants to last longer in bed, he could wait longer to have intercourse.

 

Much of the time, sex is considered as intercourse: penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus.

 

When also considering oral sex and performing it on a partner, that can be completely satisfying for the receiver and very much a turn-on for the giver.

 

There are many more sexual activities that will bring both people pleasure and prolong intercourse.

 

Consider massage, experimenting with kinks, and stimulating your partner.

 

Dainis Graveris – Sexual Alpha

Dainis Graveris

Stop your lousy masturbation habits. Most men have problems lasting longer in bed because of them. I personally experienced erectile dysfunction in my younger years because of porn overuse. If you want to resolve this issue, stop watching porn. In a few weeks, you’ll notice how sexy and attractive real women become.

Get fit and fix your health. Aside from looking more attractive to women, getting fit boosts your health and improves your performance in bed. Any exercise that elevates your heart rate for at least 30 minutes thrice a week will improve your cardiovascular health.

You’ll also notice how you can stay physically active for longer. Plus, an improvement in metabolism, including blood circulation to your heart, lungs, and (yup, you guessed it right) your penis.

And it’s not just about getting enough exercise. Cut drinking, smoking, and eating junk food. All these will hurt your health and your sex life. Make better health choices if you want to improve your love life and your life as a whole.

Strengthen your PC muscles by doing Kegel exercises. First, you need to know how to isolate your PC muscles. These are the muscles you use to stop peeing, and that’s actually a perfect time to start your Kegels. When you take a leak, stop yourself for 5-10 seconds by squeezing these muscles as strongly as possible and then releasing them.

In two weeks, you’ll notice a significant improvement in your control. You can then do regular Kegels anywhere besides the comfort room. For example, you can do it while sitting at your desk, driving, having lunch, etc. Don’t worry. Nobody will know what’s happening down there.

Do a mix of 30 quick squeezes and releases, followed by 5-10 seconds of holding your muscles and repeating it 5 times. Do this no more than 10 minutes per day.

Do the stop-start or edging technique. It involves stopping all sexual stimulation temporarily when you feel you’re about to cum. Once this feeling has passed, you can go back and stimulate each other. You can practice edging by yourself or with your partner. If you do it by yourself, make sure to focus.

Remember your Kegels? When you edge, you get yourself hard, get close to ejaculation, and squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, and hold it for 10 seconds.

While you’re squeezing, take deep, relaxed breaths. Imagine moving the sexual energy from your penis area to your whole body with each breath. Learn to control yourself as well as be aware of your hardness levels.

DURING SEX:

Switch positions and mix things up. Learn how your body works so you’ll know what positions make you less aroused and which ones make you cum sooner. If you find yourself getting too close to ejaculation, switch positions. Change the angle or tempo to make sex feel different.

Even if you’ve penetrated your partner, no rule states that you have to stay inside. It can be fun to thrust a few times, withdraw, and use your fingers to keep going. Teasing your partner this way will increase the intensity of the pleasure too.

Don’t be afraid to bring in backup (AKA sex toys). Make things easier by getting some sex toys to help you last longer. For example, when you’re about to cum, you can first withdraw and use a vibrator or dildo on your partner. Doing so helps you go back to step 1 and brings more pleasure to your partner.

When using any toy, make sure you don’t just pull the toy in and out. Instead, let your partner instruct you on the spot and then simply keep pressing up and down or a little bit back and forth. Adding toys to your sex life will not make you less of a man.

There’s still no toy that can replace a man and sensations you can bring with your magic touch, masculine energy, and passionate kisses. Ask any woman.

 

Anya Laeta – Sf Sex Coaching

Anya Laeta

To last longer with a partner, you need to learn how to last longer alone.

 

A lot of men for years “train” themselves to finish within minutes while masturbating.

 

It’s no wonder that is exactly what their body does in partnered sex.

 

Allowing yourself to take your time, breathe, and relax more during solo sex, as well as becoming comfortable with edging, will help you establish better ejaculation control.

 

Dr. Teralyn Sell

Teralyn Sell

For a man who wants to last longer in bed do the following:

 

1. Seek medical advice – Seek guidance from a medical professional to help rule out any underlying medical conditions.

 

2. Evaluate pornography use – Pornography impacts sexual physical, mental and sexual health in many ways and we aren’t talking about it enough.

 

3. Get out of your head (meaning your brain) – Use breathing and mindfulness techniques in the bedroom instead of worrying and stressing about lasting long enough.

 

Maj Wismann – Web Sexolog

Maj Wismann

As a Master of Sexology and clinical sexologist this is a question I hear many times during a workweek.

 

If you want to last longer in bed as a man you can focus on the mastery of your excitement and arousal.

 

This is something you can practice and learn to know your body’s signals.

 

When you are a Master of your body’s signals you can learn to slow down – move the focus to your partner etc. and in this way you can drag on the ejaculation and orgasm.

 

Audrey Hope – Ask Audrey Now

Audrey Hope

For men who want to last longer in bed, they must take a new inner approach to sex, change their perception and RELAX.

 

You can’t just pressure your sexual organs to make them do what you want. Our bodies need another way to communicate.

 

For men, it can’t be just about performance, that puts pressure to be superficially “good in bed.”

 

To last longer, learn self-esteem and not the need to prove yourself.

 

Get into the way it is making you feel and the joy of pleasing your partner. Have sex because you want to please another and share divine experiences.

 

Alma Ramirez-Acosta – Vibio

Alma Ramirez-Acosta

A simple step towards lasting longer in bed is to spend more time pleasuring your partner at the beginning of the session.

 

It sounds obvious, but it will help even up the stage of arousal between you.

For a more long-term approach, combining breathwork and edging gives great results.

 

This means that you should practice getting to the point right before climax and stop, take a couple of deep breaths, and repeat this cycle as many times as possible.

 

Edging helps you understand your body’s arousal journey, from stimulation to climax, and gain control over what you want to happen next or when.

 

Bonus point, it will give you explosive orgasms thanks to all the build up!

When practicing lasting longer in bed, the most important thing to bear in mind is that it is as much of a physical exercise as a mental exercise.

 

We often underestimate how our minds take control over our bodies, whether it is in the shape of nerves, low self-esteem or disbelief in our own capabilities.

 

But doubting ourselves in bed is something we all go through in one way or another – it’s all about unlearning what we think we should be and focusing on turning sex into the most pleasurable, fun experience possible.

 

Sameera Sullivan

Sameera Sullivan

Remove the stigma.

Stop getting in your head so much. Remember how your parents would tell you not to lose sleep over a problem, and how relaxing will help?

 

That advice turned out to be timeless and is actually the key to understanding how you can subconsciously get some control.

 

Often men are too worried and end up underperforming in the bedroom, which causes greater anxiety and leads you into a downward spiral. Watch out for the signs – and trust me, your partner just wants to help and doesn’t judge you for it.

Practice makes perfect!

Nobody expects you to turn into a rowdy porn star overnight. Foreplay is your best friend, so take your time to really study your partner.

 

Consider using a thicker condom to decrease sensation and practice building control by stopping just before ejaculation and waiting 10-20 seconds, taking deep breaths, and squeezing the head.

Expand your definition of sex.

There’s a lot more to intimacy than just vaginal sex. In fact, that’s just a small part of the overall experience, so why not try to mix things up?

 

Communication with your partner is key – so work together to see what else works for you.

 

A lot of my clients enjoy watching new types of porn together and discover something they’ve often never even thought of! Be brave, be curious, and be unexpected!

 

Sonya Schwartz – Her Norm

Sonya Schwartz

I’ve been a relationship expert and I can say that there are indeed people that are concerned about how fast they end sexual activity.

 

This scenario sometimes creates conflicts in relationships saying that their partners are being unsatisfied with their performance in bed. But there are things a man can do to make it last longer.

 

One of the best pieces of advice that I can give is to keep exploring different positions. Switching and changing position can help you prolong it.

 

This also gives you time to rest your penis and calm it to prevent reaching the climax that instant.

 

In between changing positions, try to calm down and postpone it. In this way, you don’t need to risk the moment and cut the pleasure that your partner is having.

 

Moreover, switching and changing positions can increase intimacy during sex.

 

Your mind will as well be more focused on the position and on keeping your balance while in it. This also adds wilderness and playfulness during sex. It will eventually contribute to happier intercourse.

 

And besides, exploring different positions is what increases excitement and interest during sex. This will prevent both of you from being bored in a single position.

 

Tyler Dårlig Ulv – Bad Wolf

Tyler Dårlig Ulv

Often times the root of insecurity about lasting “long enough” or “performing” for men is found in the toxic upbringing lots of guys came into adulthood with.

 

Those things—especially the idea of having to perform—create anxiety and stress that doesn’t make sex better and enhances worry (and sometimes the likelihood of erection problems).

Instead of fixating on how looong you’re lasting, reframe how you approach sex time. So you cum real quick. Ok. Can you cum again in 30 or 40 minutes?

 

Awesome! Stretch your session across that span and focus on your partner while you’re recharging. Two loads is always more fun than one.

Can’t cum again for a long time? Begin doing some internal work about why sex ends for you once you bust. Consider talking with a therapist about it. Seriously!

Why does your orgasm mean it’s over? If you know how your body/penis will likely respond, plan ahead. Dive into what your partner wants with toys, tools, or your whole face, once your boner is out of the equation.

And lose the idea that there’s a “right” amount of duration for sex. That’s a myth perpetuated by sitcoms, movies, and the high fantasy of pornography. It’s not making you better in bed, or giving anybody else any pleasure. Bin it.

 

Raffi Bilek – Baltimore Therapy Center

Raffi Bilek

One way to extend your time spent loving is to focus your attention on your partner’s pleasure.

 

Make sure they’re enjoying what you’re doing, and pay attention to whether they want more of this or less of that.

 

The more focus you put on your partner, the less focus you’ll have on your own sensations, and the longer you’ll be able to stick it out taking care of their needs.

Jordan D’Nelle Jones

Jordan D’Nelle Jones

For men that want to last longer in bed, I would recommend experimenting with edging and orgasm control.

 

Edging is a technique where you get close to the point of orgasm then back down and do not allow yourself to orgasm. Then keep repeating until you are ready to orgasm.

 

This also helps you have more intense orgasms when you do finally let yourself have an orgasm. You can be do this solo or partnered, whatever suits your desires.

Dr. Betsy Greenleaf – Greenleaf Be Well

Betsy Greenleaf

Performance concerns are high amongst men. My biggest advice before trying blue pills and enhancement procedures has to do with muscle strength. We start to lose 3-5% of muscle mass yearly after the age of 30.

 

Though many go to the gym, most people forget to do exercises to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles.

 

It is the pelvic floor muscles that give us ( men and women ) the ability to enjoy sexual activity, lengthen our sexual response, and increase the intensity of orgasm.

 

Simply starting with Kegel exercises and making a habit of continuing these exercises throughout life.

 

Kegel exercises can be performed by envisioning tightening your pelvic floor muscles…..these are the muscles that are used to hold in urine, gas or stool.

 

Tighten for the count of 10 and then relax and repeat for 3 more sets. You can also do an exercise called “quick flicks.” Tighten the same muscles quickly and then relax 10 times in a row and then repeat 3 sets.

 

Abductor machines in the gym, or rolling up a towel, or placing a ball between the legs while seated in a chair and squeezing can also strengthen these muscles.

Kegels are my biggest secret that anyone can do anywhere. Strong pelvic floor muscles will improve your response, performance and make your partner smile.

 

Dr. Robin Buckley

Robin Buckley

When my male clients ask about sustaining their sexual performance, the most significant suggestion I offer is for them to focus on their partner’s pleasure rather than their own.

 

By concentrating on the feedback a partner’s reactions are providing, a man shifts his focus from his own pleasurable sensations to those of his partners.

 

His thoughts are centered around listening to the feedback, and adjusting technique to get responses which signal a better experience for the partner.

 

For some men who need a specific objective, I encourage them to discover or learn one new thing about their partner’s sexual response or sensual preferences each time they engage in physical intimacy.

 

Having a clearly defined objective often provides that appropriate “distraction” to stay engaged longer.

 

Because he is no longer focused on his own physical sensations or his own increasing sexual response, he is able to last longer in bed.

 

It is beneficial to both individuals because it allows for more playtime, the partner is fully cared for, and the man learns more about his partner’s preferences, enjoying the partner’s experience until he is ready to return his attention to his own fulfillment.

 

Sureya Leonara

Sureya Leonara

Lasting longer in bed is about quality of presence, breath, and relaxation.

 

Contrary to popular advice to “think of something else,” cultivating stamina and a high-level of sexual mastery requires: tuning into the subtleties of how your sexual energy is moving, knowing where your edge is, and maintaining awareness to ride that edge without slipping over too soon.

If you’re in your head fantasizing during sex you’ll likely push over your edge faster or distract yourself from tracking your edge and disconnect from your lover.

 

Anything that takes you out of your body and into your head diminishes your presence and performance.

When approaching orgasm most men breathe shallow and rapidly which squeezes out sharp, short, explosive orgasms.

 

Slow, deep belly breathing calms the nervous system and relieves tension in the genitals which spreads pleasure throughout the entire body.

 

This supports greater stamina, deeper, longer orgasms and allows multiple full-body, non-ejaculatory orgasms to happen without a refractory period or loss of erection in between.

 

Dr. Stephanie Buehler – Learn Sex Therapy

Stephanie Buehler

One thing that rarely gets mentioned in regard to rapid ejaculation is the need to learn how to relax and tune in to one’s physical sensations and one’s partner’s sexual needs.

 

Becoming hyper-focused on lasting longer caused a man to lose his connection with the entirety of his body.

 

All he feels is the sensations in his genitals, instead of noticing all of the pleasurable things happening—the quickening of the pulse, the tensing of muscles, and the tautness of the skin.

 

He also loses his connection to his partner, who may complain that he is “selfish,” even though he is trying so hard to have longer intercourse.

There are different ways to learn relaxation, of course, but the easiest is to try regular deep breathing.

 

There are applications to remind you to breathe, and applications to help you regulate your breath. Deep breathing helps to calm both the body and the mind.

 

Then, when a man is having sex with their partner, they can use the breath to help regulate and slow things down.

 

Then they can pay attention to something besides his penis, and stay confident about having intercourse while they connect emotionally with their partner, instead of worrying about this being a distraction.

 

Rebecca Blanton – Love Letters To A Unicorn

Rebecca Blanton

Many people believe that the longer penetrative sex lasts, the better the sex must be. This belief is fostered by popular culture representations of “great sex” lasting “hours.”

 

However, when marriage and sex therapists were surveyed about what client reported was a satisfying or desirable length for penetration, the time ranged from seven to 13 minutes.

 

Many reported that people having as little as three minutes of penetrative sex reported it being adequate.

 

Additionally, more than a third reported that sex lasting more longer than 10 to 30 minutes was “too long.”

My question for people seeking to “last longer” in bed would be, “What is your motivation behind this desire?”

 

If the motivation is a belief that you just don’t last “long enough” or that lasting longer would make you better in bed, I would suggest you are looking for solutions in the wrong place.

 

If you and your partner(s) are enjoying the length of time you have penetrative sex, there is no need to increase you duration.

If you do not know if you partner(s) are enjoying the sex you are having, it’s time for an honest and open conversation about your sex life.

If your motivation for increasing your sexual stamina is because you are trying to help your partner reach orgasm and your current stamina does not lead them to climax, the duration may not be the issue.

 

For many women and people with vaginas, penetration alone will not lead to climax. Most folks with a vagina need stimulation of the clitoris, the nipples, or other erogenous zones to reach climax.

 

If your partner(s) have a penis, the slowness to climax may be due to discomfort (add lube! Go slow) or need for additional penial or ball stimulation.

If your motivation for increasing your sexual stamina is to prevent the end of the sexual encounter too soon, your climax does not need to signal the end of the encounter.

 

You have a mouth, fingers, and can introduce toys and other sexual stimuli to continue sex even after you have climaxed.

If you are among the approximate 4 percent of men who climax prematurely, you may want to consider various techniques for delaying orgasm.

 

To qualify medically as someone who experiences premature ejaculation, you must meet these criteria: climax within one minute, this has happened for at least six months, you find this distressing, and there are no other medical reasons for early ejaculation.

These techniques can be used by anyone seeking to increase sexual duration.

Edging

Edging is a technique any gender can use to help delay orgasm. This involves stimulating penis (or genitals) until you feel close to orgasm and then stopping.

 

Practicing this repeatedly can help some people delay orgasm. It is also very fun to engage in with a partner. Bring you partner close to orgasm and then stop.

 

Doing this repeatedly before climax can lead to enhanced orgasms for many people.

Hypnosis

Hypnosis, either by a professional or learned with a partner, can help delay ejaculation. There are several prominent sex educators who regularly teach classes on hypnosis and how to use it for intimacy.

 

Take a few classes on hypnosis and sex. This can be a great option is you have a partner you trust to practice with.

Condoms

Condoms are a tried-and-true technique for many men in delaying ejaculation. If you are not currently using condoms with a partner, discuss adding them to your intimate encounters.

 

The additional layer between you and a partner can lessen sensations and delay orgasm.

Amanda Lambros

Amanda Lambros

Sexual preferences matters to some but not all couples.

 

Understanding why you are in a relationship and whether that is an important component to you is first and foremost.

 

If it is, seek help from a sexologist to learn some skills to apply in the bedroom and level up your sexual prowess.

 

If you aren’t able to collaborate on your sexual preferences and it’s a non-negotiable for you, say goodbye and move on to your next partner.

 

Erin Dierickx – Erin D Therapy

Erin Dierickx

The Stop-Start and Squeeze techniques. While in bed, you or your partner can begin stimulating the penis with a dry hand, lightly and slowly. Do this until you have a firm erection.

 

When you start to get close to ejaculating, signal to your partner to pause stimulation or squeeze the penis.

 

This increases your awareness of when you are about to ejaculate and can start to build a tolerance to last longer the more this is done.

Take turns pleasuring each other.

 

Focus on each other one at a time in order to heighten your enjoyment of the pleasure and focus on the sensations. This is a form of mindfulness in bed.

 

It is a way for you to stay present and by taking turns, this helps you last longer due to pleasuring your partner while you are pausing your own stimulation.

 

This will continue to build your tolerance over time for lasting longer.

Get on the bottom. Men are physiologically more able to control their ejaculation when they are on the bottom rather than on top during sex.

 

Lachlan Brown – Hack Spirit

Lachlan Brown

My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is to combine effective mental and physical techniques.

 

On the physical side I’d recommend pelvic floor exercises, healthy diet and reducing the amount of red meat you are eating.

 

On the mental side, I’d recommend taking things slow in the bedroom and appreciating every inch of your lover instead of going straight to the “main course.”

 

This will slow down the idea of sex as some kind of prize or being all about the climax.

 

In sex, as in life, it’s the journey that counts more than just the destination.

 

Renée Mayne

Renée Mayne

The easiest way for men to last longer in bed is to change the way they view sex, we put so much focus on foreplay and orgasm we forget the depth and fun that we can experience in the middle.

 

You see, subconsciously we know the orgasm feels amazing and we just want to get there! Especially for men because they are so goal oriented.

We have a natural desire to speed up when we get excited, but instead we need to slow down and come back to the breath.

 

Learn to tap into the energy of your body and you can redistribute the energy from beyond the penis and move it throughout the body.

 

The key is to not contract the muscles and relax the muscles, this opens us up to not only lasting longer in bed but better orgasms.

 

Be patient with it and it requires presence and it’s so worth it.

 

James Kelly – Ed Clinics

Premature ejaculation (PE) can often be a problem for men who have erectile dysfunction (PE).

 

Since an erection goes away after ejaculation, it can be difficult to know if the problem is PE or ED.

Erectile dysfunction affects over 66% of men at some point in their lives, and becomes more likely with age.

 

If you are experiencing both the symptoms of ED and PE, it’s important that you speak to your doctor about the ED first, as for 90% of men over 40, it can be a symptom of an underlying health condition, most commonly cardiovascular disease or diabetes.

 

Your doctor may suggest lifestyle changes, medication, or treatments like shockwave therapy for ED. Once you have treated the root cause of the ED, you may find that the symptoms of PE disappear.

One simple action you can take at home to combat both the symptoms of ED and PE is pelvic floor exercises. These train the muscles that keep blood in the penis, making maintaining an erection and delaying ejaculation much easier.

 

Pelvic floor exercises are simple, and the easiest ones can be performed sitting at a desk.

 

  • Tense your muscles around the lower base of your penis, as if you were trying to stop urinating.
  • Hold for five seconds.
  • Release.
  • Repeat for five sets of ten, twice a day.

 

Dr. Laura Meihofer

Laura Meihofer

As a pelvic floor physical therapist, I recommend two simple exercises to increase orgasm control.

1. The first exercise starts outside the bedroom.

 

Start by gently tightening your pelvic floor muscles as if you are stopping the flow of urine. You should feel a lift or squeeze around your penis or perineum.

 

Next, take a slow deep breath into your belly. Pay attention to your penis, testicles, and/or perineum as you should feel a slight drop with inhalation.

 

This is relaxation and lengthening of the pelvic floor muscles that control erection and orgasm. It is important that you feel and control these motions inside and outside the bedroom.

 

Practice these motions in your daily life but also when you engage in sex.

2. Becoming familiar with your arousal spectrum and learning to control your orgasm is essential to lasting longer in bed.

 

Consider your arousal spectrum to be a 10 point scale. 0 is the equivalent to no sexual arousal while 10 is maximum sexual arousal and/or orgasm.

 

As you spend time with yourself and/or your partner, practice working your way up the scale and how your body reacts at each number.

 

When trying to last longer in bed, the aim is to stay around a 6 – 8 on this scale.

 

As you approach 7-9 on the scale, communicate the need to change things up with your partner such as changing positions, rhythm, and stimulation style to bring it back down to 6-8.

 

Stephanie Wijkstrom – Counseling and Wellness Center

Stephanie Wijkstrom

If you are concerned about being an adequate lover and want to fulfill your partners sexual needs, you do not necessarily need to be able to offer 30 minute sex sessions.

 

It is a cruel joke by nature that women take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm and up to 9 minutes to reach full arousal, but men can reach arousal in under a minute and orgasm in 2-5 minutes.

 

Any true renaissance man can bridge this gap to greater sexual intimacy by offering more foreplay.

 

Keep in mind, 20 minutes of foreplay is worth 5 minutes of penetrative sex. Let there be a long build up as the key to helping your partner achieve orgasm.

 

Edwina Caito – Bedbible

There are a few ways for a man to last longer in bed, however, it depends on how far he is willing to go in order to achieve that longevity.

 

Other than thinking about baseball or great-aunt Ethel, here are some helpful tips:

Go slow: Slowing things down by prolonging foreplay, taking small breaks for water then starting in lesser-exciting sexual positions.

 

For instance, if he climaxes more quickly in the doggy style position, try spooning or missionary first.

A little help from a toy: Erection rings are an easy and pleasurable way to last longer in bed.

 

An erection ring is placed at the base of the penis or around the shaft and testicles. This creates a stronger erection, makes the penis more sensitive and delays ejaculation making sex better for both partners.

 

Best yet, some erection rings come with built-in clitoral stimulators! Who knows, you may climax together!

Practice makes perfect: You would think that masturbation is counterproductive.

 

But masturbating earlier in the day, before sex, can actually help in delaying climax later.

 

Some men have found great success using Fleshlights made specifically for building endurance (Stamina Training Kits), as well as penis pumps and erection rings combined.

 

Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn – Luvbites

Tara Suwinyattichaiporn

Last longer in bed with sexual mindfulness and tantric sex practices
In my years of researching the key to maximum and sustainable sexual satisfaction I found that sexual mindfulness is the most promising contributing factor for men to last longer in bed.

 

Sexual mindfulness therapy is already being used to treat various sex concerns including sexual desires, erectile dysfunction, and other sexual functioning. Tantric sex is more on a spiritual than scientific path, but both are similar.

To last longer, I recommend sexual mindfulness and tantric sex practices such as sensual meditation and edging.

 

Use guided meditation and touch to do sensual meditation. Don’t pursue if you get an erection.

 

Edging is when you’re about to cum and you stop (whether you’re having sex or masturbating). These practices should help you last longer in bed!

 

Shari James

Shari James

Most men’s sexual encounters start with anxiety and end in an oops!

These men are then diagnosed with premature ejaculation as the problem. I see their problem as simply being a lack of education and training.

These guys may place the blame on the woman that they are with… she gets him too excited. Or they may place the blame on being uncircumcised.

But I see the problem as how you are training yourself. You must understand that each time you self pleasure, you are creating neural circuitry in your brain and laying down tracks that create a habitual response.

 

If self pleasure is a quick stress reliever then that is how you are programming yourself.

Slow down and take your time during self pleasure.

 

Because ejaculation is an involuntary response of the sympathetic nervous system you’ll want to combine masturbation with meditation by breathing deep, full and slow all the way down into your belly…this will put you in a state of relaxed arousal.

During self pleasure shift your context from “getting off” to preparing to be an amazing lover.

 

Carrie Leaf

Carrie Leaf

The reasons to why a man may struggle to last long in bed can be because of many different issues, but one general shift a man could try to work on would be to truly be present in the moment and noticing the details of the experience.

 

Particularly the details of their partners experience as opposed to their own.

 

When there is a shift from a physical experience alone to a spiritual level and a connection between partners, it is often an entirely different experience.

 

Dr. Joe Kort

Here is some advice to help men last longer in bed:

 

  1. Masturbate a few hours before you plan to have sex. This will help you last longer because the penis is desensitized. Unlike women, men need a longer refractory period – from a few minutes to a few hours.
  2. Use a Trojan Extended Pleasure condom. It contains a small amount of climax-control lubricant, which decreases sensitivity and slows down ejaculation.
  3. Try edging (intentionally stopping yourself right before the point of orgasm and then starting up again). It prolongs pleasure as well as the duration of sexual activity.
  4. Slow down. Focus on pleasuring your partner first and you last.
  5. Squeeze the head of your penis for 10 to 20 seconds if you feel you are ready to ejaculate. The pinching will reduce your erection and help you last longer.
  6. Try a penis sleeve. Some sleeves lessen sensation and help you last longer.
  7. If your partner is a woman, have her on top and facing away from you. This “reverse cowgirl” position allows the woman to stimulate her clitoris and climax before you.
  8. Use Trojan’s new Extended Pleasure benzocaine delay spray, an endurance enhancer that temporarily prolongs the time until ejaculation. Apply a small amount to the head and shaft of the penis before intercourse. It can be used with Trojan latex condoms.

 

Indigo Stray Conger – Choosing Therapy

Indigo Stray Conger

Practice lasting longer on your own, especially if you tend to masturbate to climax quickly.

 

Stimulate your penis as you typically would and then try to pause multiple times once you arrive at a high excitation point.

 

Learn to extend the period of excitation before release. This is called edging or orgasm control and it is the best way to learn how to improve performance during sexual activity.

 

Men who orgasm quickly often feel as if they have no control over the excitation process or when they orgasm.

 

However, climaxing quickly is usually the result of habit and can be overcome by paying attention to your body’s excitation cycle.

 

Amanda Pasciucco – Life Coaching and Therapy

Amanda Pasciucco

My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is to notice the difference between penetrating a mouth, vagina, or anus vs that of a hand or a sex toy.

 

Solo sex is different than partnered sex. If you are having partnered sex, chances are the orifice you are penetrating feels different than that of your hand.

 

Be mindful and switch up your hand techniques.

 

Similarly, if that isn’t enough, be aware that using a condom is not something to be ashamed of. It helps many men last longer and therefore, I know men who decide to wear them for this reason.

 

Andrew Aaron – Help For Passion

Andrew Aaron

Most men want to be great lovers. For that purpose they wish to maintain erections as long as possible.

 

Strategies exist to succeed at that, but lasting longer is also possible by holding realistic expectations and eliminating some obstacles.

 

Confident men who know their feelings, who are able to relax and enjoy a quality emotional connection with their sexual partners will have greater success.

 

So eliminating anxiety, like the kind produced by worry about too-soon ejaculation, as well as internal pressure to perform promotes lasting longer. Sex is a very emotional activity!

 

How can I use my hammer to produce a butterfly? Many women do not orgasm from intercourse (though many fake it).

 

The hardest erection and the most vigorous thrusting still may not result in her orgasm because intercourse doesn’t provide clitoral stimulation. Being realistic about this is important.

 

Talk to your partner. To last longer it is best to be relaxed, playful and have fun during sex. To do so, stay out of your head (the big one, I mean). You may shift your attention to slow your pace towards ejaculation.

 

If you are getting too aroused, move your attention to away from the sensations that are most arousing, such as your penis and to a less arousing place or activity like caressing or kissing your partner.

 

Where your attention goes, there also will go your hot sexual energy. So if you are speeding to orgasm before the time is right, shift your attention to your breathing or other body sensations instead of the exciting action.

 

Requesting a change and reduction in stimulation from your partner at this time can help. When orgasm grows near before the right time, you will notice the heat in your pelvis and penis.

 

Through visualizing the hot energy flowing out of your pelvis and spreading throughout your body you will cool your pelvis, interrupting it from building to an explosion through ejaculation.

 

Getting good at lasting longer can help you be a better man in every part of your life.

 

Rachel Sommer – My Sex Toy

Rachel Sommer

While we can’t shun away from the excitement and adrenaline of quickies, sex should be, for the most time, enjoyed without time constraints.

 

Unfortunately, certain factors like age, disease, medication, and anxiety might lead to premature ejaculation.

 

So, here’s my best advice for lasting longer in bed: Train Your Pelvic Muscles Located just below your prostate, the pelvic floor is vital in sexual stamina training. Yes!

 

A 2005 study, among others, found that 3 in 4 men improved erectile function after Kegel exercises.

 

Strengthening the pelvic floor – pubococcygeal (PC) muscles help you control yourself during sex to withhold the urge to orgasm, thus delaying ejaculation.

 

And the best thing about it is just like every other muscle in your body, these muscles can be strengthened with regular exercise.

 

To work out the pelvic muscles, simulate the act of stopping yourself from peeing midstream or passing gas, and you’ll feel the muscles between your penis and rectum move.

 

You can also identify the pelvic floor muscles by trying to lift your balls without using your hands. You feel them. Don’t you?

 

And to tone the muscles:

 

  • Tighten the muscles – standing, sitting, or lying down.
  • Hold tight for 3 seconds before releasing for another 3 seconds.
  • Repeat as many times as needed – at least 10 reps a day. Kegel exercising combined with other tactics like switching positions, wearing the right condoms, and edging can make a great difference in your sex life.

Samantha Moss – Romantific

Samantha Moss

Since women take a longer time to orgasm, men need a lot of stamina to last longer in bed. As a dating and relationship expert, factors like inexperience, overstimulation, and anxiety may cause premature ejaculation in men.

 

However, these concerns can be addressed, and doing so can lead to happier, healthier sex life.

Take it slow. To help your partner last longer in bed, ask him to take things slow. This gives him enough time to stimulate you and slow down his ejaculation.

 

Pacing himself can also help, starting with slow thrusts that gradually increase into faster ones.

Change positions. Shifting positions requires you to take a break and slow down movements. It allows your body to cool down because it doesn’t get as much stimulation.

 

A great tip would be to switch to positions that don’t penetrate as deeply, giving you more time to last in bed.

Talk to your partner. Getting support from your partner is the best thing to do under the circumstances. Being open and honest can do a lot of good for your relationship, as well as improve intimacy.

 

Explain to your partner your desire to last longer, so that they can understand what’s happening.

 

Sarah Rose Bright

Sarah Rose Bright

Most men contract their bodies during arousal (whether clenching their buttocks, thighs etc) and amplify this even more hoping this will help them last longer in bed.

 

If you want to last longer, put your attention on relaxing and enjoying the pleasure in the moment rather than focusing on the goal of lasting longer.

 

Men can be worried that if they relax into their pleasure they will ejaculate more quickly however with practice they will find that it is in relaxation that their pleasure can expand and grow and they last longer.

 

This is best explored on your own at first.

 

Also, be mindful of your breath – is it shallow? are you holding your breath at times? Both are very common.

 

Take slower and fuller breaths  and make some sound, even if only on the exhale. It helps you to relax.

 

Kate Sloan – Girly Juice

Kate Sloan

Best advice for men who want to last longer in bed: Take a break and do something else.

 

The majority of people with vulvas don’t reach climax from penetration alone anyway, so if giving your partner pleasure is the goal, penetration isn’t always the right thing to focus on.

 

Try stopping what you’re doing and giving your partner oral sex for a while instead, or using your hands on them.

 

Michelle Devani – Love Devani

Michelle Devani

As a relationship expert, I understand it’s normal for guys to finish too fast every once and a while, however if you ejaculate during less than a minute of intercourse regularly then you may have a problem.

If you’re having trouble finishing so soon, seeking the help of your spouse might be really beneficial. To initiate, inform your spouse that you really want to attempt lasting longer and see if they are willing to take part.

 

Additionally, because hypersensitivity can cause sexual dysfunction, using a condom is a simple treatment that can help sex lasting longer.

 

The condom serves as a barrier around the penis, lessening orgasm and possibly causing ejaculation to be disrupted.

 

The pause-squeeze method also helps sex last longer, having sex till you feel like you’re about to get done. Then, for a second, pull out and squeeze the head of your penis, or until the urge to ejaculate subsides.

 

Finally, continue to have sex as needed while repeating the method. Thrusting aggressively produces orgasm in a short period of time.

 

Positions and styles that restrict your movements, such as having your spouse on top of you, can be beneficial since you won’t lose control and start thrusting too fast.

 

April Maccario – Ask April

April Maccario

It’s humiliating, it’s unexpected, and it turns what should be one of life’s greatest joys into one of life’s greatest disappointments, but as the founder of a dating website who understands relationships, it’s both frustrating and common among men.

 

There are several smart and healthy strategies to reduce your premature ejaculation and extend your time in bed.

 

The following tactics will boost your chances of being able to have longer sex sessions than you’re used to:

Seek assistance from your partner. This may help your partner understand your frustrations.

 

Once you’ve established a line of communication with your partner, you may talk about what causes your orgasm and try out some techniques.

Do pelvic floor exercises. Experts feel that if your pelvic floor muscles are too weak, delaying your ejaculation would be more difficult.

 

Act as if you’re attempting to stop yourself from peeing or passing gas to flex your pelvic floor muscles, and notice which muscles move.

Do the slower pace. Slow down as much as possible, then take frequent breaks to go even slower.

 

Thrusting frequently produces intense sensations and may increase your chances of orgasming after a short period.

 

Nikolina Jeric – 2Date4Love

Nikolina Jeric

Here are some tactics that can help men last longer in bed:

Practice Kegels exercises.

 

Unlike common opinion, Kegels exercises aren’t for women only – men also have pelvic floor muscles that can be built and straightened.

 

The point is – if your pelvic floor muscles are weak, you’ll have a hard time controlling premature ejaculation. If you work on building muscles in this area, you’ll have more control over your ejaculation and last longer in bed.

 

One way to practice Kegels exercises is to lay down and flex pelvic floor muscles for 3 seconds and relax them. Repeat this process a few times for maximum results

Try the cowgirl position.

 

If you haven’t tried, maybe it’s the right time to practice more the cowgirl position. The secret hides in the fact that women control the pace and thrust, allowing you to delay the orgasm.

 

Jackie Golob – Shameless Therapy

Jackie Golob

My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is seek out a sex therapist for this work!

 

In sex therapy, that therapist is going to help with realistic expectations, correcting mythology of “lasting long,” incorporating bibliotherapy to read up on this topic from reputable sources.

 

Also, changing thoughts related to worrying about maintaining an erection, anxiety reduction techniques, focusing on communication skills with their partner(s), expanding sexual repertoire with various levels of desire and maintaining an erection, and exercises with their partner for sex therapy work.

 

There is no magic way to last longer in bed.

 

Another thing to look into is if there is something medically/biologically/genetically going on, and seeking out a doctor if this is the case.

 

30% of sexual disorders are medical and 70% is mental, so there’s got to be a both and approach.

 

Balancing out let’s check to see if there is something medically going on and mentally what’s getting in the way of maintaining an erection.

 

Have there been shameful messages? Unsupportive partners? Negative thoughts?

 

The best advice is to seek help from a sex therapist professional that specializes in this field and this is their niche to get the best support.

 

Marsha Jackson – FoxTail

Marsha Jackson

It’s no secret that many males find orgasm more easily than women.

 

That, along with the fact that premature ejaculation is the most common sexual illness in males under the age of 40, means you may find yourself unsatisfied after he’s done.

 

It’s a terrible bummer to discover his good times are ended before you’ve even begun.

Some people may discover that foreplay allows them to extend their sexual activity. These people may enjoy and please their spouse without having to worry about ejaculating too soon.

 

As a result, incorporating oral sex or manual stimulation into one’s sexual activities may be beneficial, especially if penetrative sex is unlikely to endure long enough for all partners to experience orgasm.

Exercises for the pelvic floor muscles supporting the bladder and facilitating ejaculation can be strengthened using Pelvic Floor Exercises.

 

When urinating, one can tighten up and stop the flow for 5–10 seconds before restarting. They should be able to progress to longer holds by performing this several times each day.

Premature ejaculation can be helped with medication, but doctors typically only do so when all other options have failed.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a class of antidepressants, can alter the sexual function and make orgasm more difficult. As a result, SSRIs may assist in postponing ejaculation and extend a person’s lifespan.

 

Dr. William Kolbe Jr.

Dr. William Kolbe Jr.

Let’s start with Socrates; “Know yourself.”

 

Exploring our erogenous zones, engaging in sexual arousal, consciously gauging the sexual energy concentrating in our genitalia and flowing throughout the body, and ultimately practicing ‘edging orgasms’ are all means to lasting longer in bed.

 

‘Edging orgasms’ refers to getting to the threshold of having a full body orgasm but without passing over to the point of spasm and ejaculation.

 

A practical approach to edging orgasms is by exercising ‘sensate focus’, or focusing attention on the changing intensity of sexual neuromuscular euphoria and consciously controlling sexual stimulation.

In essence, ‘sensate focus’ is akin to ‘mindfulness’ with which we can develop the ability to exercise greater discipline of our sexual stimuli and responses.

 

An ideal means to practice lasting longer in bed is to practice ‘mindful masturbation’ or holistically exploring our erogenous zones and acknowledging what feels good or not.

 

This level of self-knowledge can make us better communicators and have more fulfilling partnered sex.

 

Our focus is not on rushing to orgasm but instead on generating and sustaining different levels of sexual pleasure.

 

Joel Flynn – Gentleman Zone

Joel Flynn

Sex is pretty much like any other physical activity. You get better at it when training. To get the best of you, train your pelvic floor muscles.

 

Exercises called kegels or kegel are series of different contraction and release sequences that ultimately and literally train and increase your sexual strength and ejaculation control.

 

Of course, going ahead with more complex sports, such as swimming, hugely benefits durability and stamina, too.

 

How long do kegels need to kick in, you’d ask? In my opinion, you should aim for at least a month.

 

Carmel Jones – The Big Fling

Carmel Jones

While there are products that men can try to last longer in bed, I have found that more organic techniques are the most effective.

 

Lasting longer is a mental challenge just as much as it is a physical challenge. That’s why I often don’t recommend techniques that require too much thought as it might take away from the pleasure of sex itself.

 

Men will read about edging or the squeeze technique. While those work, they are also very specific. Here are two of the easiest ways to last longer in bed:

Increase the amount of foreplay: Lasting longer in bed doesn’t have to mean just penetrative sex. “In bed” can refer to the sexual experience as a whole.

 

Increasing the amount of time you dedicate to foreplay or teasing your partner’s pleasure zones before penetrating will make their sexual experience last longer.

 

While it doesn’t technically keep you from ejaculating sooner, it lengthens the amount of time your partner receives pleasure before you ejaculate.

Masturbate before sex: Masturbating before sex is an easy thing you can do to help yourself last longer; however, it works better for older men. This is because men have a refractory period after they orgasm.

 

The younger the man, the shorter the period. It can range anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours. On average, it’s about 45 minutes to an hour.

 

So, if you masturbate less than an hour before you have sex, you will last longer in bed as your body will still be in that refractory period.

 

Rose Collette Aston – London Tantric

Rose Collette Aston

If you want to last longer in bed, you need to harness your sexual energy. That’s not easy if you haven’t been taught how to listen to your body.

 

You must develop a greater awareness of the physical and mental triggers that lead you to orgasm — the only way to learn about these is by paying close attention to the things that stimulate your body and mind when you’re experiencing genuine intimacy.

 

Only then will you be able to gain greater control of your unconscious urges.

Through tantric massage, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how your body responds to erotic, intensely pleasurable triggers.

 

With the help of a professional masseuse — preferably a qualified massage therapist trained in the ancient art of tantra — you’ll be taught how to channel your sexual energies.

 

This can help you access incredible, other-worldly pleasures without finishing before your partner.

By making yourself more aware of what turns you on, you’ll acquire greater control of your body and mind to have sex for longer.

 

The most important thing is that you still experience sensual pleasure that can be enjoyed long before a final, blissful release.

 

Lacie Mae Gabor

Lacie Mae Gabor

Staying power in bed is a struggle for many men. The good news is there are several things men can do to help themselves last longer.

 

One of the easiest ways is to purchase thicker condoms which decrease sensitivity.

 

Waiting until your partner is begging for sex before inserting yourself is key.

 

The woman will be close to achieving an orgasm due to her high level of arousal and you will (hopefully) be able to last long enough during penetration to ensure she achieves an orgasm.

 

Less stimulating foreplay and sexual positions will also help. If you know you’re easily aroused, then spend the majority of your foreplay pleasuring your partner.

 

Change things up before you get too turned on. Turn the attention back to her and make sure she’s turned on since women typically require more foreplay.

 

Finally, working on your mind game is essential. Men who are able to distract themselves with other thoughts and decrease their arousal, are able to last longer.

 

So, the next time you’re about to have sex and want to make sure you can go the distance, try implementing some of the above strategies!

 

Paul J Hunter – Cork Hypnosis Clinic

Paul J Hunter

The number one tip I would have for guys to help them last longer in bed is to improve their level of self love and self esteem.

 

Sex can become like a judgement to a lot of guys if they wonder if are they good enough or do they measure up to their partners last partner.

 

We are constantly unconsciously looking for signs that our partner is enjoying it.

 

The moment a guy spots a reaction that’s less that might be expected, if he has a self esteem problem, he can self criticize and negatively impact his performance.

 

Confidence and self belief are key to good sexual performance.

 

Robert Thomas – Sextopedia

Robert Thomas

The more pressure you put on yourself to perform well in bed, the sooner you will actually ejaculate. Being anxious about lasting long is precisely what will make you orgasm quicker.

 

So, going into sex with a relaxed and confident mindset will surely have an impact on your performance in bed.

 

You can also try edging – stopping physical stimulus to your penis just as you’re about to orgasm.

 

While masturbating, be very aware of how close to orgasm you are, and stop right before you’re reaching an orgasm. Let your arousal go down for about 10 seconds, and then start masturbating again.

 

Do this several times during your masturbation session. You can transfer this to actual sex by stopping when you think you’re about to reach an orgasm.

 

Instead, try giving oral sex to your partner, or simply switch up positions. This will surely be a game changer for you to last longer in bed!

 


Thank you to all the experts that have contributed to this expert roundup! If you enjoyed reading this post then please share it with your friends and followers on social media.

 

Additional Help Available with LCAT’s Sex Therapy Video:

sex therapy for premature ejaculation issues

 

 

 

Betty Dodson Method

A Tribute to BAD & the Betty Dodson Method – Empowerment in New York City 2021

A Tribute to BAD & the Betty Dodson Method

Empowerment in New York City 2021

 

If you haven’t heard about the Betty Dodson method, or don’t know who she is, you are in for a treat!

I just experienced a weekend of empowerment, pleasure, sexual sovereignty, and remembrance in honor of the Baddest Lady around…Betty A. Dodson (yes – her initials are BAD and she loved it!).

For decades Betty Dodson, the mother of the internal clitoris, put masturbation with vibrators on the map for women. 

She helped women release the shackles put on them by society and free themselves from sexual shame.

Betty Dodson Method

Betty A. Dodson

Betty started running BodySex workshops in the 1970s out of her home until her last workshop in December 2019. I am blessed to have taken BodySex in November 2019. On October 21, 2020, the notorious B.A.D. passed away at 91 years old.

Her legacy includes hundreds of BodySex events that included women attendees from all over the world., creating a ripple of change. 

Her findings have helped thousands upon thousands of women find their sexual freedom and own their orgasm.

The power of pleasure and pussy is something you can feel just by looking at the Candy Store sign outside of Betty’s place. 

 

Memorial to Dodson in NYC 2021

The exhibit was a beautiful celebration and memorial to Dodson. 

The women who attended this beautiful celebration included:

  • PhDs in sexology
  • Bodywork practitioners
  • Sexuality educators
  • University professors 

As a group, some of us have been engaging in virtual erotic recess to get through the pandemic.

Betty Dodson Method

Carlin Ross & Amanda Pasciucco

Early 2021, when the world appeared to be opening and there was hope of a vaccination, Carlin Ross (Betty’s successor) and the BodySex women began to visualize a weekend where we could all be together again. 

We wanted to honor, celebrate, grieve, and cherish Betty together. Being around a group of professional women honoring BAD is something that I will remember for a lifetime.

The privilege of being around a group of over 20 women who value pleasure and sexual empowerment to honor Betty Dodson is something that not all women are able to do. 

We all met at the Museum of Sex in New York City to celebrate Betty Dodson. I realize the honor I have to live and breathe the mission of pleasure – especially for those who identify as women. 

The exhibit was stunning, and Carlin was able to take us through each segment to explain different aspects of Betty’s life.

Betty Dodson was a phenomenal artist. I am grateful for her images, as I use them often in session and explaining the anatomy of sexuality to others. 

Betty Dodson Method

Some of the paintings in the exhibit are so detailed and beautiful, you can see the shadow of the muscle and even the fingers detailed perfectly. 

Dodson was known for her big personality and yet, her paintings are exquisite.

Particularly of interest were themes including:

  • Betty’s love of herself and her dedication to her own self-pleasure
  • The struggle of a sexless marriage in monogamy
  • The conflict with her art being seen as “too much” 
  • The complexity of the woman being a mother and a lover

Being around women who are empowered in their pleasure is a gift that keeps on giving. Women who can replenish themselves and then give in a healthy way to others is not only nourishing, it is healing. 

When celebrating someone who was such an influence on the field of sexuality, it is amazing to see how hours fade into minutes. 

Imagine… women of all ages, shapes, body sizes, heights and colors that join together to experience what Betty has taught. Betty’s legacy, of course, will live on forever. 

Betty Dodson Method

 

What I loved hearing about especially was the way in which Betty Dodson did her own thing. She didn’t need an organization to tell her she was on the right track. 

She knew what she was doing, and although she was nervous at times, she kept doing what she wanted to do. Her mission and legacy live on because of this. 

 

Erotic Recess Using the Betty Dodson Method

Some brave souls decided to meet for erotic recess in Manhattan Saturday afternoon following the tour at the Museum of Sex.

We live in a culture that glamorizes thinness, whiteness, and overworking. Many people have anxiety around orgasms and how their body looks.

BodySex creates a container of safety with an all-women group to shed decades of shame and hatred and replace it with knowledge around consent, joy, body empowerment, and pleasure. 

Within the sacred BodySex circle of erotic recess, women laugh, talk, cry, come, and more – all without wearing clothes. By spending time with other women, especially other women, Betty Dodson method fans, you see the beauty of the different nude female bodies. It was one of those moments of baring your soul before you undress and experience group self pleasuring. 

Betty Dodson would say things like “fucking is foreplay” because she believed that partnered sex could be fun and enjoyable, yet valued the art of masturbation to climax as a favored sexual act. 

What I love most about the concept of fucking as foreplay is that it shows the difference and importance of owning your orgasm. 

“Sexual energy is not only the life force that creates the next generation, but it is also the source of our creativity. Each orgasm can be a precious moment of joy, a prayer of thanks for being alive. As we awaken our bodies through the senses, we awaken our minds to the knowledge that we are all related and connected to every living thing on the planet and throughout the vast universe.” – Betty Dodson

Taking the skills you learn in self-pleasuring with the Betty Dodson method, I believe this prepares us for better more fulfilling long-term or short-term partnered sex experiences. If you own your orgasm and can have them alone, then you can have partnered sex for discovery and fun (instead of focusing on an orgasm). 

Betty Dodson Method

This isn’t to say you cannot orgasm with a partner or partners. 

“Run The Fuck”

Betty Dodson would actually say you have to “run the fuck.”

What this concept means in general is that in partnered sex. Something else other than the body response of orgasm can be the focus of the interaction. 

What do you want the focus to be? Well, that is different for ALL individuals. 

Talk to your partner(s) and ask them what they most want to feel before going into a partnered sex scene. 

The takeaway point is that pleasure – self or partnered – is important to living a fulfilled, satisfying life. 

Many people take pleasure for granted – it is our right to experience pleasure. 

 

BodySex Magic During Erotic Recess

We all put towels down, get lube out, vibrators, and anything else that would be needed for solo sex and pleasure. 

Betty Dodson Method

BodySex leaders, women from all over the world trained in Betty’s method, went around the circle taking the turn leading the rituals that happen before the “erotic recess” part of the BodySex weekend takes place. 

Grounding in the breath of fire, we use our oxygen to have access to our sense of groundedness within the body. 

Sitting in a circle, we can reveal who we are rather than conceal. It is a place where bodies, sensuality, and expression are safe. If you have followed the work of the late Gina Ogden, women require feeling safe as a prerequisite to attaining pleasure. 

Two hours of bliss and nudity with other women in the sexual field. Women who are revolutionizing and changing the world by helping other women unleash the goddess within. 

Listening in the circle, there is a difference in how women breathe, orgasm, and position their bodies for self pleasure! 

Betty Dodson’s method of self-pleasure within erotic recess helps women have an experience that undoes YEARS of sexual shame and the cultural fear that women’s bodies are “not enough.” 

Within erotic recess, women gather as one community – as a sisterhood. 

If you would like more information on how to get the Betty Dodson method, contact Carlin Ross here

 

Talking About Sexuality With Dr. Juliana

Revealed on Sunday was an interesting new view of sexual sovereignty. 

Not everyone is like Betty Dodson, so Dr. Juliana created a program where women can share their sexual stories – while clothed – in a community of women. 

Sexual sovereignty, also known as “agency,” is about owning who you are, making decisions, being confident in those decisions. Some of the women in the circle that day actually are trained to lead both BodySex circles and Revealed workshops. 

One woman even expressed that Betty Dodson showed her agency, while another woman reported that Dr. Juliana herself was the one who helped her attain her own sense of agency. 

What is agency? 

Being able to say no when you mean no, and saying yes when you mean yes are two examples of ways to have sovereignty in your life. 

Similarly, seeing yourself as a person who is capable of making empowered choices is paramount to having a sexual conversation. The point of revealing is to take your sexual journey and own it as a part of who you are. 

Instead of just being the busy mom, the employee, or the soccer coach, this is about seeing your empowered sexual self and reclaiming the moments of sexuality within your life. 

Moving away from shame and indulging by sharing your erotic stories is healing. It brings them out of the dark and into the light as something to own. If you want more information, contact Dr. Juliana or visit here.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How to Orgasm

How to Orgasm – Vulva Edition

How to Orgasm – Vulva Edition

 

One of the most commonly asked questions by women coming to our practice is “how to orgasm?”

 

Is there really just one answer to the question of how to orgasm though? I think not! 

 

If you ask women internationally from ages 18 and up, you might be surprised at what responses you get.

 

Vulva owners each have different things that make us tick and different sensations within sex that are orgasmic. 

 

A few vulva owners report enjoying penetration and fullness feeling of the vagina, while others want to focus on the magic of the clitoral gland. 

 

How to orgasm when you have a vulva can change over time – making it even more fun to discover new techniques along the way. Especially for those of you with one long term partner, it is often exciting to discover your partner’s “new thing” when it happens for them. 

 

Learning Curves:

 

Finding what you like is key on how to orgasm, along with not getting discouraged during experimentation. 

 

  • Consistency is key for most women. Continuing the motion which feels the best is what can bring the orgasm pulsating through you.
  • Do not go harder, or faster, or softer unless the vulva owner asks for it. 
    • Just maintain the same motion and if you are using an external clitoral vibrator, consider upping or lowering the intensity based on your needs.
    • There is a moment when you feel an orgasm approaching. Sticking with it makes the feeling grow into a full-body climax.

 

How to Orgasm Each Time 

 

People with penises may not mind if you go harder, faster, or change it up at the end of the stimulation, as the orgasm and ejaculation will still be there.  

 

For vulva owners though, sometimes we want the same motion to the point of climax and orgasm.

 

There is nothing wrong with liking the same way of orgasming! 

 

Techniques to Avoid When You Are Learning How To Orgasm:

 

  • Avoid asking the question: “Are you close?” This can deter the orgasm from even happening. 
  • The mind quickly shifts to other questions, like am I taking too long? 
  • Am I boring them? Which in the long run is known as an orgasm killer.

 

Try These: 

 

  • Moving targets – it is not easy keeping the same movement or position when hips are squirming and bodies are moving. Yet try to stay consistent, because if it is do-able, it is rewarding. 
  • Pattern pleasure – tap your feet to the beat of your favorite song. That is the rhythm, and your repeated moves in the bedroom – whether it is rubbing, tapping, or penetrating with a finger, tongue, phallus, or toy – can have the same beat. 
  • By experimenting with rhythm and zeroing in on what feels best, you can take your orgasm to the next level.

 

How To Orgasm with Rhythm:

 

  • Skipping- take a break in between each motion and cause a sweet frustration. 
    • It’s like only half scratching an itch, which creates a desire that’s not 100% satisfied 
    • This can lead to a slower build up and longer more satisfying orgasm. 
  • Raindrop touch is an irregular pattern with different amounts of time in between each motion. 
    • Creates a randomness that is exciting because the clit does not know what is next.
  • Back-to-back movement is when you repeat your motion right after finishing the last one with no pauses in between. With this rhythm, there is not time for pleasure to die down between each motion.
  • Constant butterfly pulsating is where the rhythm is so fast it is almost a blur. 
    • You move so quickly that the touch becomes a flutter. 
    • After all, this is why vibrators are so popular. With penetration, pulsating is an extremely popular stroke because it allows a tiny amount of movement to constantly stimulate the clit.

 

Ways to explore:

 

  • Experimentation: It’s fun to take what motions you already know feel great and try adjusting the rhythm in a different way to see if your orgasm is even better.
  • Slow Burn: By slowing the rhythm in the buildup to prolong and extend the orgasm might cause frustration or be hard to stick with yet if you can hang on through it, the rewards are well worth it.
  • Pressure: You don’t have to press too hard. Rhythmic movements can be very subtle and still feel wonderful. Think about how a vibrator’s micro-movements feel …. Those feel pretty great right?
  • Irregular Movements- Some people just don’t like irregular motions and need things to be consistent. 

 

Any of these techniques can help with how to orgasm or enhance your current routine. Remember the fun in having an orgasm is the exploring and adventure along the way.

 

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

 

 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

 

New Types of Apocalypse Pleasure With Sex Machines

As I work with more and more adults, I realize that sex machines are not common knowledge.

For those of you who have a difference of desire with your partners, and enjoy the sensation of penetrative pleasure, looking into a sex machine!

Apocalypse Pleasure

Honestly, it may save a sensual partnership between the two of you!

  • Are you looking for something adventurous?
  • Would you like to learn about sexual liberation?
  • Are you a bit on the edgy side?

If you said yes, I believe that sexual products, including sex machines, can be a way to get there.

Think of it like penetration – just without stopping.

For those of you who are feeling lonely during the pandemic, sex machines of high quality can help. It will give you the orgasm that you may desire, as it can help you relax. At first, receiving may seem weird, yet it’s actually quite natural to find daily pleasure.

Does it matter what others think, really? During the apocalypse, pleasure is needed. Pleasure is healing!

Sex machines range from cheap to expensive, just like any toy. Mostly, they come with just the machine, yet you can buy some where the dildo comes with it.

If you don’t know how to pick a dildo or detachable vibrator, see our blog on how to safely use a vibrator, and this can help you decide what is right for you.

Let’s Talk Price of Sex Machines

The cheaper the sex machine, the more likely it will not penetrate smoothly.

For example, sex machines under $250 USD are small, portable, and convenient in that one regard. However, at the exact same time, they don’t work well because they get stuck. Unfortunately, they do not penetrate deep enough. Which means that sometimes the vagina or anus can pull the machine off the floor!

This makes for more fun rather than pleasure.

Therefore, consider a $500 USD range of a toy where there is a drill-shaped sex machine where you can buy an inter-changable dildo toys to latch on tightly,

This sometimes looks like an electric drill you would use to build furniture, just with a different type of attachment.

For those of you who want the entire sex machine in all it’s glory, you are looking at spending $1000 USD or more. They will have the ability, like you may have seen in a porn or at a bunny ranch, to be adjusted to various angles and sometimes can have more than one thrusting mechanism on the machine.

Discretion is important, so find one that can fold up in a place where others would not find it. There is no shame in pleasure. However, there is a convenience to clear out your room and have a large object fit comfortably in a place that you have made for it.

Why Is It Weird?

Think back to when you were young, controlling the volume of your voice and containing your pleasure.

Now, as an adult, you can make your own fun choices. If you want to be creative, you can use a toy for pleasure – without shaming it!

If you are partnered, and you are concerned about a difference in pleasure between you and your partner, a sex machine alone or partnered can be fun.

Remember, be sure to clean all toys after using them.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Best Sex Toys for Couples – To Use with Your Partner

Playing with your partner is important in keeping the spark in your relationship so here are the best sex toys for couples. 

Toys are great for play, ask around. 

Using toys on your partner during sex is sure to give a greater experience. 

Sure, mouths, hands and genitals are great, yet you can only use those so much without fatiguing. Making sex toys a part of your sexual routine gives you something different. An out of the ordinary experience!

You can decide to spice things up with toys both of you enjoy. Have the initial conversation first. Do they want to? What kind of toys are you talking about? Find information on the internet since the choices are limitless. If you are choosing your first toys, decide on beginner-level options, and graduate to more complicated ones.

For those in the market for sex toys to try, which you must be given you are still reading this article, here are 10 options. Some of them are store specific while others are general suggestions that can be found in most sex stores when you ask about best sex toys for couples.

1.Jive Couples Vibrator

This tool by We-Vibe is best for penetration glory. 

It provides the satisfaction of penetrative stimulation and the We-Vibe Jive is an egg-shaped vibrator with a remote control. The best part is you can control it using your smartphone! 

The Jive vibrator is inserted into your partner during oral sex. It is a great foreplay toy. You can wear it during a dinner date and allow your partner to control it through the evening. 

When you get home, all the pent up sexual tension will not fit on any scale.

It goes for $112.05 on Amazon at the time of publishing. 

2.Satisfyer’s Partner Whale

This vibrator by Satisfyer is made specifically for heterosexual or other sex couples. It has two powerful motors and a curvature that allows pleasure for both partners. 

The Partner Whale has a thick part that lies on the clit as the extension goes inside the vagina. The extension targets the G-spot while massaging the penis at the same time.

It has buttons for convenience. The buttons control three vibration intensities and about seven rhythms. The Partner Whale is a beginner tool that is made to impress and help both partners climax. It costs $29.95 on Amazon at the time of publishing. 

3.Complete Le Wand Pleasure Set

There is nothing like a toy to be enjoyed on your own and with a partner.

That is what the Le Wand pleasure set offers.

The set comes with various attachments depending on your needs. The wand can be used as a vibrator. By adding the attachments, it allows for anal penetration, clitoris stimulation and can hit the G-spot!

It is a toy for everyone and can be enjoyed when you are alone and with a partner. It is charged at $234.99 at the time of writing this blog at lewandmassager.com. 

Use PayPal to buy it, as their customer service isn’t the best in my experience. 

4.Foreplay Dice

You can never have enough foreplay. Lovehoney have ensured this by creating these sex dice for your pleasure. One dice has verbs: lick, spank, kiss etc. The other has nouns: mouth, thigh, neck etc.

Each partner can take a turn to roll the dice. They have to do what each verb and noun combo say. It is a fun foreplay game to keep your blood boiling.

The Lovehoney Oh! Roll Play Foreplay Dice go for $9.99 at the time of this blog on the Lovehoney official website: lovehoney.com. 

5.Tomboi Harness

The Tomboi harness is perfect for relationships with no penis. In case one of you wants to experience penetrative sex, this harness is the answer! It can fit any dildo that exists in the universe and it is made of silky material. It fits just like normal underwear and is comfortable. Wear it and thump your way into your partner’s insides.

6.Sex Wedge or Ramp

Sex is best enjoyed in different positions. It needs variety, in strokes and positioning. The sex ramp helps to put your partner in these very much needed variety of positions. Using a sex ramp allows you and your partner to explore new ways to bend your bodies. It offers more chances for deeper penetration.

A great sex ramp should be comfortable and steady. Bonus points if you find one that is machine washable, since it is sure to get soiled while you get it on.

7.Cock Ring

A great toy for the penis is the cock ring. It sits around the base of the penis and vibrates, sending waves all through the shaft. 

The cock ring has padded silicone to prevent any irritations from the vibrations. It is a great teaser during sex, as it allows just part of the penis to do the actual penetration. Both partners are sure to love this toy. Some people enjoy ones that go around the testicles as well.

8.Cuffs and Rope

Restriction of movement is sexy during sex. Having cuffs or rope to tie your partner with as you have your way with them is an incredible feeling. It gives you control, with consent of course.

The key to using cuffs and rope is comfort. Make sure they are not too tight on your partner’s hands and feet. Their being comfortable ensures they give you the time you need to explore their bodies.

There are many options when it comes to bondage play. If your bedroom does not offer places to hook normal handcuffs, you can try door jam cuffs. These can be thrown over the bedroom or bathroom door. Your partner can then strap in and give control.

9.Butt Plugs

Anal play is a sensitive subject. Some are partial to it, while some are all for it. 

Have the conversation with your partner first (as you should before using any toy).

If your partner agrees, the best way to start anal stimulation can be using butt plugs. 

Most come with remote control for your convenience. They have different vibration intensities.

Butt plugs are help to improve penetrative and oral sex. They are also great to be used when your partner is away and you want some sexy time.

10.Sex swing

Putting up a sex swing in your bedroom is a step every couple needs to have gone through. It needs to be attached carefully and according to instructions. Hanging it in safely is the first step to ensuring the best experience.

Create your private Cirque du Soleil by swinging right into penetration. 

You can swing in positions that are limited by your imagination and achieve sexual pleasure beyond anything else.

As a couple, you have no reason to not use sex toys. 

It is a great way to explore your sexuality as well as giving you secrets to share. You will have numerous experiences that will act as extremely pleasurable secrets. Sex toys are perfect for spicing things up and enjoying more of your partner’s company. Pick up any of these and enjoy.

 If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator

Learn The Buzz about Using a Vibrator 

 

Many people have reported to me that using a vibrator seems too taboo for them. 

They report that they cannot wrap their mind around why you would need one. Or who would have the ovaries to buy one. 

Sometimes though, I think it is important to know what you could be missing out on. 

 

Who is with me that vibrators are a magical invention?

The key to awesome sex, even with yourself, is savoring sensations rather than solely chasing the orgasm. 

Start slow. Set the scene. Make sure you will have privacy. 

Use the vibrator to stimulate various parts of the body and tune into the sensations. We have found it does not matter necessarily on the style, size, or type they all do the same job. 

 

Here are some ways to utilize your vibrator:

Orbiting. – There are many different types of circles around the clit which can cause stimulation in different ways with each woman. What might work for you might not for your partner or best friend.

vibrator

 

  • Direct Hit- For a less sensitive clit, or at stages when the clit likes more direct stimulation, many women say circles right one the exposed clit felt wonderful. To do this, you can get the hood out of the way if the clit is a hider, either by lifting the entire pubic hair area upward with a hand. Or by pushing just the area right above the hood skin upward with the side of your thumb while using your vibrator.
  • On the Hood- Keeping the touch above the line, on the hood skin, without the circle ever touching the exposed clit beneath. The part of the skin that you touch and keep contact with is really important. Holding high on the hood feels less intense than holding lower down, near the bottom edge of the hood. This is similar to layering. Adding more layers between the vibrator, and the clit itself can help lessen the intensity of your vibrator.
  • Off and On (the hood)- Many women prefer circles that mostly stay on the hood and then occasionally swipe and glide below it, to include part of the clitoral gland that may be peaking out as exposed. The upper clit gets soft pressure through the hood, giving the exposed clit a small break between each time it is touched. This method seems to be a favorite with a vibrator, as you can use the vibrations to expand the pleasure and add shallowing techniques in as well.
  • Staying away- the least intense way to orbit the clit is to stay far away from it. Gliding in gentle circles that stay above, below, and to the sides of the hood and clit and never touch the exposed clit directly. Some women feel the vibration itself is satisfying without being overwhelming and this is a great way to ease into your first vibrator. 

Easing into your first experience can be overwhelming. Start out slow, and layering is one way we recommend breaking the ice.

Layering is where you put “layers” between your touch with the vibrator. And the clit or area you want to stimulate.

Laying it on thick – Through fabric this is the least direct way to touch the clit. Women prefer pressure and massage up on the triangle where the pubic hair is (or was— you are allowed to do with your hair what you please). Stroke all around this area called the mons pubic region

This area is on top of a nerve network that’s connected to the clit. Remember the exposed part of the clit is simply the tip of an iceberg. And there is a lot more going on below the surface all around it.

 

The Clit Sandwich- Yes this is a real thing!

1 in 5 women prefer squeezing the outer lips together around the clit like a sandwich. People also report liking this sensation in partnered sex with same sex or other sex partners! 

Why? The clit gets more subtle, indirect pressure. Because it goes through the thin hood skin and the thick skin of the lips. Some move the sandwich up and down or pull it out and push it in, so the skin inside slides back and forth around the slit. vibrator

Adding your vibrator to this technique, even on the outer lips, can create a unique stimulation.

Layering with a vibrator can help you achieve multiple orgasms. And even lessen the touch/sensation for the rebuild for the second orgasm.

So, adding a vibrator into your relationship can become a rewarding experience for you and others. Knowing your body will help give you a more satisfying experience.

I believe a vibrator can change around a sex life. Only if you are open to experiments with time and techniques as you learn. 

No matter the vibrator location on your body, the satisfaction you achieve while using it is all that matters. 

By starting out curious, you will be able to learn your body and what you like. And dislike the more you explore with your vibrator.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

Are You Using Vibrators Safely?

Are You Using Vibrators Safely?

 

Vibrators are in some ways the ideal sex toy. They come in all shapes, sizes, colors and materials. They come at different speeds, different intensities and are available for any budget.

However, like any toy, vibrators must be used safely and smartly to ensure a pleasurable experience and health.

Whether you are dealing with a penis, vagina or anus, vibrators can enhance your sexual pleasure. Solo or as a part of sex with others. There are some things to consider to ensure you are not hurting yourself or exposing yourself to harmful chemicals.

 

Materials

vibrators

The materials used for vibrators can vary from cheap plastics to silky silicones to even glass, metal or crystal. Most toys are constructed with pleasure and sensation in mind and sometimes neglect legitimate safety concerns in order to create something that feels good- or can be made cheaply.

Some of the softeners that make plastic vibrators smooth and flexible are actually harmful chemicals that may harm your body. BPA, phthalates, PVC, and Bisphenol A are just a few of the materials used. These are recognized both internationally and in the USA as having harmful effects on hormone production. 

This has been known to lead to myriad issues, so knowing what your vibrators are made of is no small matter. 

The porosity of the vibrators (if it has pores like a sponge, that is not a good material for a sex toy) is a crucial factor in determining if this toy is made of safe materials. 

When playing with vibrators, it is important to keep them clean. And a high porosity material is more likely to absorb and transmit infections, viruses, bacteria and yeasts that are stuck in the material despite cleaning. 

Porous materials to avoid include PVC, rubber, jelly and any rigid, cheap plastics. 

Medical grade silicone, glass, and surgical steel are options that are less porous and less likely to absorb bacteria that you don’t want to expose to your mucous membranes.

If you use vibrators made from those more porous materials, consider adding a condom to your vibrator to prevent potential exposure to chemicals and bacteria.

 

Shapes

vibrators

There are vibrators like the magic wand that do not go into the body. They are used for external touching. 

We have an entire blog coming out about learning the buzz on how to use that type of vibrator so stay tuned. 

If you are using insertion vibrators to pleasure yourself – be sure to get the right type for the right oraffice. 

For those who want insertion anally, you must use vibrators with a flared base.

You would be surprised how much suction there is when you penetrate the anus, and non-flared toys can easily get sucked up before you notice.

Prevent a trip to the ER and use vibrators with either two prongs or a flared base to avoid “losing” the toy inside yourself. 

That said, if you have used a toy and it is stuck, do not try to remove it yourself. Go to the ER to avoid fissures and internal damage, and don’t worry, those nurses have truly seen everything before.

If you are using vibrators anally or vaginally, I advise training yourself to the size you ultimately desire. 

Aim a little smaller than you think you can handle, and use lots and lots of lube. 

Eventually you can work your way up to more girthy toys, just know your limits so you can stretch safely instead of tearing or ripping!

As with any sex toy, make sure that you have vibrators with smooth sides. No sharp or pointy edges and that all the parts are secure and won’t fall off in an unfortunate location.

 

Hygiene & Cleaning

The most important safety tip of all is to keep your vibrators clean! Ideally clean them before and after use, though you should definitely clean them every time before use.

It also helps if you are clean too! While you don’t need to be fresh from the shower, using a wet wipe can clear away any debris that may get into the wrong places when things get heated. This is a personal call, if you feel clean enough for your own comfort that is all that matters. Just ensure you never use your vibrators on your anus and genitals during the same session without cleaning in between.

Just a reminder that porous materials (jelly, PVC, cyberskin) will not ever be totally clean. However if you insist on using them try to clean them thoroughly with mild fragrance-free soap and hot water. You can also use an antibacterial spray made especially for sex toys as an added precaution.

vibrators

 

Here is how to properly wash your vibrators:

  1. Remove any batteries.
  2. If your vibrator is rechargeable, has batteries or isn’t marked as “waterproof,” do not submerge your toy into the water completely. Trust me – they are not all waterproof and will break.
  3. Wash the vibrators gently with hot water and a mild, fragrance free soap. Dish soap is a suitable alternative if you avoid brands that contain perfumes. Really try to get into every curve, nook and cranny to remove any potential bacteria.
  4. Rinse off the soap with hot water and dry off your toy with a clean towel or put it out on a windowsill in the sun to dry.
  5. Put the batteries back in, and store your vibrators in a cool, dry place.

Please do not let your vibrators touch one another, as some toys will eat away at one another. 

Another hygiene tip: don’t share sex toys with new partners without using condoms on them. And clean before sharing even with usual partners. 

STI’s and other infections can be passed along with toys the same as they are passed along with skin to skin contact.

 

Safety Reminders for Fun, Pleasurable Vibrator Use

Here is a roundup of advice for using your vibrators in a way that is fun, pleasurable and safe!

  •   Purchase vibrators made from body safe, non porous materials such as silicone to ensure that your toys can be cleaned properly
  •   Avoid cheap plastics, rubber and jelly vibrators to ensure you’re not being exposed to harmful chemicals
  •   Use vibrators with flared bases if you plan on using them for anal insertion
  •   Don’t use a vibrator that is too big without working up to the size with time, stretching and lots of lube.
  •   Make sure your vibrator is free of sharp edges, pointy ends and cracks to avoid injuries and infections.
  •   Clean your vibrators before and after use with hot, soapy water.

If you follow these tips, you’ll ensure your vibrators are always ready for fun when you are!

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last?

How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last?

 

How long do sexless marriages last is a question that many couples that are in sexless marriages ask. Even though it isn’t very obvious, more marriages suffer sex-related issues than is envisaged.

To ascertain what happens in a sexless marriage, let’s start with a clear description of what a sexless marriage entails.

A sexless marriage is one in which sex is not exactly frequent between the couple involved. Most experts categorize this frequency as anything less than ten times within a year. For some marriages, being sexless can mean the lack of sexual intimacy for even as few as a few weeks.

How long a sexless marriage will last depends largely on the couple and the conditions surrounding their relationship. Since people are different, there can be no general predictions for how long marriages will stay without sex.

Outcomes should be based on the people involved, their dispositions, natural makeup, and the mutual agreement between them.

For marriages that do not hinge their intimacy and bonding on sexual activities. Staying sexless may not make lots of difference.

On the other hand, couples whose closeness is mostly dependent on sex may find it difficult to cope in a sexless marriage.

There are different reasons why a marriage bed can become void of sexual activities. And these reasons determine, to a large extent, how long the marriage can thrive without sex.

 

Low Sex Drive Due to Health Issues on One Partner

Sometimes, health problems can affect the sexual orientation of a marriage. One partner may have physical or mental health problems that take a toll on their sex drive. In this case, the other partner may understand the situation and make efforts to keep the marriage going.

If both partners understand each other and are willing to make efforts towards other home-building activities in the marriage. It will only be a matter of time for the condition to improve.

How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last?

 

When Other Things Are More Important Than Sex to the Couple

While most couples view sex as an activity crucial for their relationship’s survival, others do not hold the same view. Some married folks are very comfortable running their day-to-day activities from the same house, without paying attention to lovemaking.

Some regard sex as a fun act to indulge in once in a while, as they go about other activities together. These activities could be child upbringing, work, business, or even studies. For a good number of others, sex may not be among the vital reasons they came together in the first place.

Most contract marriages and people who married for financial or social status purposes may also not view sex as something necessary to keep the marriage going. Provided the initial conditions of interest are still present.

So, for couples who mutually agree to focus on bonding through means other than sex. Their marriage will undoubtedly last for as long as the agreement remains.

If, however, one partner decides otherwise, a compromise has to be made for divorce not to become the imminent outcome of such marriage.

 

Low Sex Drive From Both Ends

Generally, when one partner has a greater sex drive than the other, the union may end up suffering. However, when the two people involved desire sex less often,  their marriage can be as normal as one in which both partners experience greater urges for sex.

In fact, for partners who both have very little desire to get sexually engaged. Having sex less than ten times every year may not constitute much of a big deal for them. And since no partner ever gets to feel neglected or unsatisfied, there would be no need to go over-the-top to impress anyone.

 

 Underlying Problems

When a marriage relationship becomes sexless due to emotional or communication problems between the couple. Then there is a slimmer chance of survival for such marriage.

Problems that could cause partners to want less of each other physically include infidelity, lack of communication, unsettled arguments. And abrupt changes in one spouse’s behavior.

Trying to get intimate without solving the problems causing the divide may make no difference to the marriage’s life span. Hence, how long a sexless marriage lasts, in this case, will depend on how soon the couple can settle their differences and ignite the flames in their sex lives.

 

Neglect from One Partner

Life can also take its toll on a marriage and turn it sexless overtime. Sometimes, married folks can get too busy with work, school, or child care to pay attention to each other. And if leaving out sex is not mutually agreed upon by both partners, the less active partner may begin to feel neglected and sexually starved.

In most divorce cases, due to sexual dissatisfaction, it is usually found that one partner is usually at the receiving end of the dissatisfaction. The marriage unavoidably comes to an end when the affected partner can no longer keep up with the neglect.

Hence, a marriage that gets stripped of intimacy due to neglect from one partner may never recover if the defaulter does not realize and make an effort to revive sex in their relationship. However, there could still be hope for such a marriage if the problem could be communicated and resolved.

In a Nutshell, the question: ‘how long do sexless marriages last?’ should be rightly answered in the light of the circumstances surrounding the marriage. And the obvious answer should be however long you are willing to be within it.

If you both are sexless and enjoy that, you can last until death do you part. But If one of you wants sex, it probably has about a 2-5 year breaking point from the time someone brings up sex as a problem.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. 

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do

A Pro Guide on How To Make A Woman Orgasm

Probably since the dawn of time, individuals have wanted to know how to make a woman orgasm.

You could ask many people about sensual pleasuring and you will hear a variety of responses from “well foreplay and bang the hell out of her” to a detailed encounter (examples: some get as detailed as rubbing the external clit glans counterclockwise for three minutes, then stroke between the labia lips and, tug on her nipples before thrusting anything in her can get her intensely close to orgasm).

Each person has a different goal and each woman orgasm is best discovered by knowing the body of that person.

These techniques on how to make a woman orgasm though are better than what you will find in most mainstream porn though. Not to shame porn, as I write for Pornhub, I think this is a more in depth look at pleasure.

Here are some of the techniques we have found which commonly get missed:

“Rimming” or shallowing of the introitus (a fancy word meaning the opening of the vagina).

Think of the rimming or shallowing effect as the champagne in the lobby phase of the evening.

Rimming… or shallowing is where the penis, dildo, or finger hangs out near the opening of the vagina for an amount of time.

When the tip is just barely in the vagina, there is an intense amount of pleasure and building which can come from this.

While on top if you rock your hips and gently massage the tip and prevent the whole penis from entering you are not only gaining more pleasure, you are also slowly making your partner build as well.

Shallowing has also been known to enhance the orgasm once full penetration has been achieved.

  • The Curl – Start above the opening and curl the toy, penis, or fingers downward so the tip drags against the bottom wall of the vagina on its way in and lightly curls up to touch the top wall of the introitus.
  • Repeat over and over – no more than 5 times.
  • The Slight Catch – Put the tip of the toy, penis, or finger against the opening and move up and down so that it “catches” the entrance (the introitus) and goes into the hole of the vagina a tiny bit each time as you pass by. There can be a lovely little thrust from your partner each time as the tip goes in and rubs against the walls on its way up and down.
  • Butterfly Flutter – The head of the penis or the toy may be thicker than the base of the shaft.
  • Not always true of penises and toys, yet sometimes true. This can create a fun pressure just as it begins to penetrate. Fluttering is a way to get that feeling over and over again with quick repeated presses. Similar to knocking on a front door. The object will move in and out without depth of penetration.
  • Tipping- Not like what you do at a restaurant to the waitstaff, this is where you put a finger/toy/penis at the opening of the vagina and press it so only the tip goes inside.

While it may seem like this is all about teasing and anticipation of more penetration, it’s not! The research shows that just stating with gentle thrusts feels amazing for those receiving. It begins to create a sensation and a story in the mind that the body immediately begins to respond to.

When practicing these tips to build up to orgasm:

Remember Warm and Wet first – Like other kinds of penetration, rimming or shallowing often feels better after foreplay. Even a gentle or rough touch around the thighs, breasts, and butt can feel amazing as a woman is beginning to get wet. Shallowing is a lot less pleasurable if there isn’t lube… so keep some handy by the side of your bed.

Slow and gentle – unlike Clitoral stimulation and deeper penetration, where speed is sometimes appreciated, some women prefer slower and gentler motions when just inside the vaginal opening.

Deliciously Subtle – The sensations from rimming or shallowing can be far more subtler than touching the external clit or labia or even deeper penetration. Give it time and try really focusing on the feeling.

Slippery Slope – It is tempting to quickly move past shallowing to deeper penetration, especially for couples when the penis head is just inside.

Learning to savor the feeling just inside the opening can heighten the entire experience. It will make you appear like a sexpert, and it gives more time for better results.

It’s not just a warm-up – Many love this rimming and shallowing effect as a main course activity.

Yes – women can orgasm from it!

Others love going back to a shallow touch after deep penetration. It can refresh the sensation for deeper penetration. Some women find this is a nice building technique to gain a more fulfilling orgasm.

If this doesn’t feel amazing on its own, know that Shallowing goes great with other activities. A fingertip inside can be added during other forms of sex, like oral, clitoral stimulation, and even anal play.

Don’t use the same fingers near the anus and the vagina.

Staying in the vagina is another great method to enhance an orgasm. This method seems simple enough, don’t break contact and keep it in, yet it goes deeper than that. No pun intended.

Staying in is more than not breaking contact, yet changing the experience in itself.

Keeping the toy or penis in which changing positions is hard enough as it is, yet this is all about how you move while inside the vagina.

Rocking is where the area just above the penis stays in contact with the clit and the top of the shaft, toy, and finger stays in contact with the upper ridge of the vagina.

The part that serves as a pivot point and instead of the focus being on moving in and out, it’s on rocking the area above the shaft, toy, or finger across the clit. Rolling is similar to Rocking, except the hips roll in a circular motion or left and right.

Take a tip from lesbian orgasm techniques because this is a great way to change things up from the old in and out motion and thus learn how to make a woman orgasm.

If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.