couples making love

How Often Are Couples Making Love?

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How Often Are Couples Making Love?

 

When it comes to couples making love, it is easy to feel like everyone is doing it all the time. Perhaps you are friends with that ooey-gooey couple who can’t keep their hands off each other, or your sister brags about how her and her husband do it every night- AND her baby falls asleep, AND she’s been promoted at work, AND she works out everyday. It is easy to feel a little bummed if you haven’t been having as much sex as everyone else.

Or at least, how much sex you think they are having! The problem with the above scenario is the constant comparison. You don’t know what issues are lying beneath the surface, if the sex is satisfying, or if it even happened at all! Luckily, a lot of research has gone into couples making love, and sexual habits in general.

 

What Are the Stats on Couples Making Love?

We’ll cut to the chase- according to The Archives of Sexual Behavior couples are on average making love 54 times per year, which amounts to once per week on average.

Does this seem like a lot? Does this seem like a little? Your perspective on this will depend on your level of sexual satiation, which essentially describes how satisfied you are with your sex life once you’ve settled into a routine with your relationship. Once the honeymoon phase is over (about a year to 18 months or so), you’ve been there, done that, couples will begin to have less spontaneous sex, but their relationship is likely becoming stronger.

In fact, research shows that people in happy relationships have better sex, NOT vice versa.

Better sex in this context means sex that resulted in orgasm- though we know that orgasms don’t necessarily define a satisfying sexual experience! Yet, numbers still seem to come into play. According to Social Psychology and Personality Science, couples who have sex at least once per week are happier with their relationships overall.

If this seems contradictory, it is! Sexuality and sex are nuanced, fluid and flexible- which is why stats can sometimes be confusing when it comes to gauging your own sex life against the numbers.

There are also numerous factors that can affect your relationship- AND your sex life!

Couples making love once per week may be more satisfied in their relationships, however they may have some privilege at play. According to a survey conducted by AARP, people without financial worries who experience a low stress level have the most sex…and the most satisfying sex. Seems a little unfair! Sadly, it makes sense- it’s hard to get in the mood if you are stressed about how you’re going to pay the rent.

 

What are some other factors?

Age can come into play- from the age of 30 onward, weekly sexual activity decreases with every decade according to The Kinsey Institute in Indiana. While folks under 30 are having sex an average 112 times per year, that number gradually decreases and people who are 50+ tend to average about 52 times per year. Which is still almost once per week- you go, Grandma!

Sex Drive is a factor couples making love must consider. Sometimes, everyone goes through phases of low libido, and this can be due to anything from stress to illness to exhaustion to being busy with other life events like a move, new job or child. If you or your partner are dealing with a lower sex drive than usual, it is rarely to do with their attraction to their partner- so don’t take it personally! Sex therapists can help determine these underlying factors for low libido and help you overcome them.

Values can mean differing priorities when it comes to the relationship, which isn’t automatically a bad thing. If what you both value in a relationship is comfort, stability, companionship, being amazing parents and sex is far down the list for both of you, great! If, however, sex is an important expression of love for one of you and not the other, tensions can arise.

 

Bottom line:

When it comes to your level of sexual satiation, what really, truly matters is how you feel- not some statistic or random number that may or may not work for you!

When looking into your sexual satiation, ask yourself some important questions to determine if you are truly satisfied, or if you’re in need of some extra help!

If as a couple you’ve “been there, done that”, how does that make you feel?

Do you feel:

  • Comfortable
  • Trusting
  • Like you have nothing to prove
  • Deeply connected to your partner
  • Loved

Or do you feel:

  • Rejected
  • Bored
  • Restless
  • Unattractive

How often you have sex is only a problem if it feels like a problem or is putting strain on the relationship. If you feel cozy, secure and loved, not getting it on can feel just fine. If you are anxious about how your partner perceives you, feel rejected when you make sexual advances or are restless and tempted to cheat, it is a sure sign you are in need of more sexual connection and therapy for an underlying issue as a couple.

If you feel satisfied, loved and like you have good communication, then you shouldn’t need to ask how often are couples making love- just do what feels right for you and your partner!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

how to use a vibrator

How to Use a Vibrator

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How to Use a Vibrator

 

Let’s cut to the chase: you want to learn how to use a vibrator. 

It doesn’t really matter why- maybe you’re curious, maybe you have a vibrator but can’t quite get the orgasms you want, or maybe your partner wants to incorporate one into your sex life.

Don’t be embarrassed if you feel like you “should” know how to use a vibrator- there are so many options, techniques and erogenous zones to explore it would be impossible to know everything without a little education! No matter how new you are to the wonderful world of vibrators, everyone could benefit from a crash course on how to use a vibrator.

 

Who Should Use a Vibrator?

The short answer is of course ANYONE can use a vibrator! While the marketing of vibrating sex toys have been aimed at able bodied, cisgender women for years (who can forget The Rabbit’s infamous episode on Sex and The City?), anyone can use a vibrator. In fact, you may find it MORE liberating to explore your sexuality, new sensations with or without a partner when you use a vibrator.

  • People with vaginas and vulvas: from clitoris stimulating bullets to thrusting g-spot ticklers, you can use a vibrator many different ways to stimulate different areas of your vagina and vulva. Definitely don’t forget Betty’s Barbell – one of my personal favorites! I suggest all owners of vaginas to purchase one! You will not be disappointed. 
  • People with Penises and Prostates: People with penises and prostates needn’t miss out! You can use a vibrator for constriction (like a vibrating sleeve or cockring) or stimulation of the head, shaft and scrotum. You can also use a vibrator (with a flared base!) to stimulate the prostate, which can be hard to reach at times with only a finger.
  • People with Anuses: Anal penetration can be a pleasurable way to use a vibrator, and it is even possible to orgasm from anal stimulation if you don’t have a prostate!
  • People with Sexual Trauma: some people who have experienced sexual trauma may find hands triggering during sexual activity. You may find it soothing to use a vibrator (or have your partner use a vibrator) in order to enjoy a sexual experience without manual touching.
  • People with Bigger Bodies, Limited Mobility or Disabilities: people who may find it difficult to reach certain bits can have fulfilling, exciting and pleasurable sex lives, and choosing to use a vibrator may help! Whether using a vibrator on your partner or yourself, it may help with touching places that are out of reach, stimulate body parts in a way that is gentler or more intense depending on your preferences, or allow you to enjoy longer sex sessions. Some toys can be attached or mounted to people, walls, floors, beds, chairs etc so you can use a vibrator hands-free!
  • Plus, anyone of any race, sexuality, background or economic status: There are stigmas around sex toys, and they have primarily been marketed to white, cisgender folks. While the industry has a lot of catching up to do to make up for their insensitive marketing, packaging and promotion of stereotypes, you deserve pleasure and deserve to use a vibrator that makes you feel good. There is a range of types, materials and prices, and a variety of stores that serve diverse communities so everyone should thankfully be able to find something that brings them pleasure without compromise!

How to Use a Vibrator

How to Use a Vibrator…

So where do you even start?! The best place to begin when learning how to use a vibrator is to start with what you know you like and move on to what you think you might want to explore. Different vibrators are made for different purposes, so consider what kind of stimulus you want to explore when you use a vibrator:

  • Clitoral Stimulation: you can purchase a tiny bullet vibrator that is perfect for focused vibrations of varying intensity on your clitoris; or, many vibrators such as the infamous Rabbit have both a vibrating shaft AND a tickling clitoris stimulator so you can enjoy stimulation to your clit and g-spot simultaneously for a blended orgasm. Really any vibrator can be used to stimulate the clitoris, penetration is never an obligation if you buy a phallic or shaft-like vibrator!
  • G-spot stimulation & Vaginal Penetration: again, something dual purpose that can penetrate while stimulating the clitoris can be extra fun. There are also vibrators with curves and texture to specifically reach and tickle your g-spot. Yum!
  • Prostate and anal penetrative stimulation: find a vibrator with a flared base and no detachable pieces so you can safely enjoy vibrating anal penetration. Some are even shaped specifically to help reach and stimulate the prostate for toe-curling orgasms. A flared base is mandatory for any anal toy so it doesn’t get lost in the anus- talk about a bummer!
  • Constrictive Penile Stimulation: you could use cockrings that vibrate while constricting blood flow to your penis; “flesh light”/sleeve style vibrators you can jerk off with or simply at back and let the vibrator do the work for a “hands off” experience.
  • Tickling: Who says you have to use a vibrator on your genitals? You can use a vibrator anywhere on your body for tickling and teasing: try using your vibrator on your nipples, inner thighs, neck, arms or stomach for different sensations.
  • 2 for 1: this can include cockrings that have clitoral stimulators built in so you can stimulate your partner’s clit while thrusting your penis; double-ended vibrators that can be inserted into two vaginas at once; or strap-on vibrating dildos so you can be stimulated while you penetrate your partner vaginally or anally (be sure the toy is secured with a flared base).

No matter how you plan to use a vibrator, make sure you are using one that is made from non-porous materials and is easy to clean! Infections aren’t super sexy, so find a vibrator made from silicone, ABS plastic or stainless steel and avoid materials like PVC, thermoplastic rubber or jelly latex so it can be sparkling clean for your next sexy adventure! A toy safe cleaning spray or foam is an excellent investment for quick cleanup. When learning how to use a vibrator, the only thing you need to remember is: have fun, and don’t be afraid to explore!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexless marriage

Why You’re In A Sexless Marriage – and How to Fix It!

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Why You’re In A Sexless Marriage- and How to Fix It!

 

If you find yourself in a sexless marriage, it is easy to feel rejected, hopeless and a little embarrassed. A sexless marriage is more common than you may think, and is rarely a standalone issue.

A sexless marriage is usually a symptom of another issue you are having as a couple. The great news is that with the help of a therapist, these issues can be tackled and bring you closer together than before.

 

A Sexless Marriage vs A Dry Spell

All marriages will have “dry spells”- perhaps you have a busy month, someone is sick, or any other zillion things that can get in the way of some time between the sheets (or on the couch, or on the kitchen table, or in the car….). A sexless marriage is a chronic, prolonged amount of time that is abnormal for you as a couple and leaves both parties with unmet needs. Some experts say this means having sex less than 10 times per year, other experts are hesitant to put a number on it because needs and the definition of sex varies greatly from couple to couple.

sexless marriage

 

Reasons Why You’re in a Sexless Marriage

Again, it is worth working with a therapist to unpack any issues that are contributing to a sexless marriage, however the following reasons you may be in a sexless marriage can help get you and your partner reflecting on why- and how to begin fixing it:

 

  1. Lack of Communication

     

It always comes down to a lack of communication, doesn’t it?! While communication doesn’t seem sexy, a lack of it can really make for a sexless marriage! Not communicating when something is bothering you is a recipe for building resentment, which is very unsexy. While it may take some professional input to unpack resentments that have built over years or are even the result of a traumatic breach of trust such as infidelity, you can begin to cultivate the habit of communication. When something bugs you, or if you feel hurt or rejected, don’t hold it in but also try to avoid these crucial conversations if either of you are stressed, tired, angry or otherwise emotionally raw. Cool, calm and collected and willing to stop and listen to the other side is a great start!

 

  1. You don’t ever talk about sex

 

A sexless marriage can also be a symptom of shame and embarrassment around fantasies, perceived lack of knowledge or a lack of open communication (there it is again!) around desires you worry are taboo. Remember: no one is magically born with amazing sexual skills! Just like any other skill, it requires practice and feedback. If you’re in a sexless marriage because sex just isn’t satisfying or you have a desire you feel you can’t share with your partner out of fear, take the plunge and start talking about sex. It isn’t about laying out everything you don’t like about sex with your partner, it is about encouraging what works and discussing your needs, desires and boundaries!

 

  1. Performance Anxiety

 

“If I don’t try, then I can’t fail”. A sexless marriage can sometimes be a case of crippling performance anxiety that has become an ingrained mentality, kind of a bad mental habit. This of course ties into so many other issues: self esteem, fear of rejection, lack of communication about sex and desires, or even a physiological response to underlying trauma. If you avoid sex altogether because you are afraid of letting your partner down or being criticized, it might be time to do a deep dive with a therapist together to fix your sexless marriage and improve your self worth! You deserve a healthy, satisfying sex life and you can learn how to please each other, even if it takes a little outside help!

 

  1. You’ve Fallen into a “roommate” dynamic

 

Maintaining a household, splitting bills, cooking meals, cleaning, doing laundry, arguing over who’s turn it is to empty the dishwasher- it can be easy to fall into a sexless marriage when the minutiae of day to day life takes over. You may be happily cohabiting, but is the small stuff piling up and getting in the way of seeing your partner in a way that invokes sexual desire? Obviously, as relationships progress that initial hormonal boost that made you so hot for each other int he beginning fades, but there’s no need to resign yourselves to a platonic existence!

 

A sexless marriage can be helped by deliberately making an effort to experience life (and your partner) erotically. Focus on parts of them that turn you on, or actions they take that make you feel aroused. Is paying a bill inherently sexy? No, but maybe the way your partner signs their name is, or how they lick their lips while they concentrate on how to reduce the overall energy expenditure next month, or the way their arm looks strong holding groceries can become new, more subtle turn ons.

Sexless marriage

 

  1. You rely on spontaneity

 

At the beginning, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other and now you can’t even remember the last time you saw each other naked “for fun”. If your sexless marriage is a byproduct of feeling more like sex should “just happen”, why not add sex to the to-do list? It may seem like making sex “a chore”, but the opposite is true: it gives you something to look forward to, and a mandated opportunity to connect, touch, and experience intimacy. You can even plan themes or games that you want to try! Think of it like this- Valentine’s Day isn’t necessary or the only opportunity to show someone you love them, and it isn’t spontaneous, but having a specific day devoted to love and romance in addition to your day to day love or unexpected rendezvous is something to look forward to and make special. So make these planned “date nights” special, you deserve it! And who knows, it may become second nature and prompt more spontaneous encounters!

 

What now?

You’ve scoured the internet for advice on how to fix your sexless marriage and have picked up a few tips, so what now? Try them out! 

And most importantly, communicate, communicate, communicate! 

Take some time to discuss creative, kind and productive solutions, as well as what has been contributing to your sexless marriage- yet, listen to and empathize with your partner, and above all… don’t criticize. 

A sex therapist can help facilitate these conversations if you find you’re having trouble opening up or making productive changes. 

Never forget: it takes some work, vulnerability and communication, yet you can fix a sexless marriage!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

male sex toys

Male Sex Toys

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Male Sex Toys

 

It’s a common mistake that people with penises often make – they think toys are for other people and that there aren’t male sex toys. If they’re going to use a toy, it’s going to be used on someone they’re having sex with.

This approach is obviously very narrowminded because there are some great male sex toys out there. 

Yes, that’s what they’re still called in stores and online. 

Here, we know this means that these toys are designed for use on bodies with penises.

I love working with clients who are in the beginning stages of sex play with toys. It’s opening up a new, fun, erotic sexual layer they haven’t yet discovered or spent time with. Toys bring out some kink, and that’s always a great idea!

Granted, male sex toys don’t get the shine that the rest of the sex toy market does. That can change, though, and more companies are innovating some amazing toys that will elevate your intimacy.

Here are some of the basic and best sex toys out there right now. Some of these are designed to be used solo, some of them together, and some of them are up to you. Sex toys are where creativity pays off.

 

male sex toys

Penis Rings

Penis rings sometimes referred to as cock rings, are essentially a ring that goes around the base of your penis. The tighter the ring, the more that the blood flow inside your penis is restricted. This often results in longer-lasting erections and more intense orgasms.

Penis rings come in a huge variety. Some of them vibrate, there are all sorts of colors and shapes, and they even come in edible versions. If you’re new to the cock ring game, try out some basic silicone rings. You can usually buy them in a set that comes with a few different shapes and textures. Have some fun and go from there.

 

Prostate Massager

A prostate massager is just that. It’s placed around the anus or inserted into the anus. The toy has several different settings on it that range in speed and intensity. If you’re an anal sex pro, go all out. If you’re new to this game, take it slow and remember to use lube.male sex toys

Some prostate massages are inventive. There are some available for sale now that have another section that’s placed and designed to massage your perineum, the sensitive area of skin between your anus and your scrotum.

You can use a prostate massage on yourself as you masturbate and it’s a ton of fun with a partner taking turns and using the remote to control how intense their pleasure is.

 

The Fleshlight

The fleshlight is undoubtedly the most famous male sex toy out there. The fleshlight is a brand, and it’s so famous that an entire sex toy category, rubber vaginas, is referred to by that term. Another name you’ll often hear is pocket pussies. The fleshlight gets its name because it’s designed to look like a common flashlight. Pop the top off, though, and that’s where the fun begins.male sex toys

Sex toy manufacturers are pulling out all of the stops with male sex toys. You can design a fleshlight to very specific measurements to simulate a certain level of tightness or even one of your lover’s vaginas.

These toys come in starter packs that include lubrication and other accessories. You insert your penis into the rubber vagina and masturbate with it on.

 

Anal Plugs

male sex toys

Anal plugs, or butt plugs, can be enjoyed by everyone. Basic plugs are made from metal, silicone, or some other material and are inserted into the anus and left there to offer a constant stream of stimulation.

Many butt plugs include vibrating tips and even remote controls that your partner can use to change vibration speed and tempo.

 

Water-based Lubricant

Water-based lubricants are typically recommended for use with male sex toys because they do less harm and leave less residue once you’re finished. Silicon-based lubricants that are commonly found on condoms and other materials degrade over time.

There are some excellent water-based lubes on the sex toy market that will facilitate whatever you’re trying to do with your toy without that filmy, slimy feel that some other lubricants leave around whenever you’re done.

 

Penis Pumps

male sex toys

If you’ve watched pornography, you’ve likely seen web ads touting penis enlargement. Some of them may include some type of pump where, after use, a penis grows exponentially.

While claims about easy penis enhancement should be approached with suspicion, there is some sexual performance value to be gained from using a penis pump.

Penis pumps are a device people use to overcome erectile dysfunction. The pump goes over the penis and air is pumped into a cartridge that drives more blood to the penis. The increased blood makes your penis larger for short amounts of time.

All it takes is a quick pump session before you’re about to have sex. It could help you stay erect and keep your partner satisfied for longer.

 

Sex Dolls

Ok, so years ago sex dolls were something embarrassing and using dolls was much more underground. Today, there are some very interesting things going on in the sex doll world.

Doll makers are creating incredibly lifelike toys with all body shapes based on customer specifications. You can buy rubber sex dolls, silicone sex dolls, portions of sex dolls with just the butt and a vagina, or one with a full torso as well.

 

Blow Job Toys

People with a penis who have been masturbating the same way for years should check out some of the new blow job toys for sale.

Modern blow job toys simulate getting a real blow job. The openings are shaped like a mouth and the design is meant to mirror the stimulation of swallowing or penetration.

They come in both reusable and disposable models, and several different mouth shapes. You can purchase electric models that require a plug but make masturbating easier. Some use batteries too.

The important thing with blow job toys is to choose one that fits your penis tightly to increase pleasure and make the feeling more realistic.

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT). And an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Sex Games for Couples

Advanced Sex Games for Couples

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Advanced Sex Games for Couples

 

It’s time to have some fun and talk about easy sex games for couples you can use to keep things new and playful with your partners!

We’re all stressed out right now. Most of us are quarantined at home, worried about the coronavirus and the latest news on shutdowns and phased openings. Frankly, it can be overwhelming. When stress enters our lives, it distracts us from what we should be focused on. That includes the people we love and those we want to have sex with!

In my time with clients during the pandemic, sometimes the little problems or inequalities in our sexual relationships become larger. One person wants sex all of the time to take their mind off what’s going on, and another partner isn’t thinking about sex because they’re trying to hold it all together.

Sex games are the perfect way to lighten the mood and connect with your partner on a different level than what you’re accustomed to.

Here are some Kink/BDSM games and tantra tips that you can use immediately to shake things up.

 

What Is Kink and BDSM?

BDSM is thought of as a kinky and non-traditional sexual activity. 

What’s non-traditional, you might ask? 

As a long-time sex therapist, I probably have a different idea of what “normal” sex looks like than most people.

I think everyone has some type of kink, whether it be a sexual fantasy, a certain type of body shape, or some sexual power dynamic that really gets them off. I’m here to say, that’s totally OK!

Exploring your kink means you’re diving into what sex can do for you and how you feel the best with yourself and your sexual partners. Everyone’s into something, just most people are not into everything.

BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) is the intersection where power dynamics and sexuality meet. Yes, there are typically toys and props like whips, chains, leashes, and other things involved. Some people love being tied up. Those are merely props. The main thing is the intention and the power play at work with the people having sex.

 

Sex Games for Couples New to BDSM

If you’re exploring your kink and want to give BDSM a try, here’s a game for you. It’s a fun and light game that will help introduce the idea of being powerful at times and submissive at others. What it involves is writing down certain parts of your body like back, lips, nipples, or thighs.

Then, on a different set of papers, you write out certain actions like a blow, suck, lick, or caress. Get creative! You and your partner take turns pulling one item from each list. So, you might get lick – nipples, and then have to lick your partner’s nipples and so forth.

The BDSM part is you allowing your partner to have the power as you submit to their sexual act and vice versa.

 

Who’s Calling the Shots?

Flipping the switch with who’s in charge during sex is another fun BDSM game that will ease you into the dominant/submissive world. It’s a simple concept.

At one- or two-minute intervals, you and your partner flip a coin to decide who is calling the shots. When you’re in charge, anything goes, and the same goes for when your partner’s boss. Of course, you should agree to some boundaries before playing with BDSM, so you both can feel safe exploring your sexuality.

 

Getting Deeper Into the BDSM World

As you become more comfortable in the BDSM world, you can start to introduce props into sex. Things like blindfolds, chains, ropes, whips, and other props sharpen the physical and emotional power dynamic during sex.

One great game to play with props is to tie your partner up and blindfold them, making them totally under your control. You can use vibrators to tantalize and tease them, slowing or speeding the pace of how turned on they are.

How far you’ll go will depend on your and your partner’s kink level. As you mess around with humiliation and degradation, you open yourself to new sexual experiences.

 

What Is Tantra?

Tantra is Sanskrit for weaving the energy between lovers. It emphasizes a very deep level of physical and emotional sexual connection.

Breathing is a big part of tantra. It’s the number one thing you need to be mindful of when you’re practicing tantric sex. You want it to be cyclical. In through the nose, out through the mouth.

Sound also plays a big role. When I went to the Hawaii Tantra Festival, I realized how important sound is in sex. Different sounds elicit different reactions. We use different voices with friends, children, and pets, so why not our sexual partners?

Pay attention to the noises you make during sex. Why are you keeping your voice down? Do you feel comfortably letting out a loud moan when a touch fills you up? Explore the sounds you make. The sexual experience includes grunts, moans, requests, and make the sounds we want to.

 

Tantra Sex Games for Couples

Tantra games start early. You can begin by being touchy and flirty on a date or early in the day as you let your partner know you’re up for some fun later on. Here are a few fun tantric sex activities to try.

Massages – A massage table and some high-quality oils are a great way to teach each other how you like to be touched. You can lay your partner on the bed or the massage table and caress their body slowly with oils.

Your hands can eventually find their way to your partner’s breasts, vagina, or penis as the massage continues. You can even use your body instead of your hands for the massage. Climb up on the bed or table and, as you straddle over your partner, rub them with your chest, abdomen, and legs.

Eventually, you and your partner won’t be able to stand it anymore and you’ll move straight into some amazing, oily sex.

Striptease – Switch up the sexual routine by ordering your partner to lay on the bed and face you. Stand at the foot of the bed and begin to move side to side as you take off your clothing piece by piece. Extra points if you turn on some music to set the mood and already have on some sexy underwear before things heat up.

Finger Tracing – Grab your partner’s hands and show them where you like to be touched. Spend at least ten minutes guiding their hands around your arms, neck, thighs, butt, and other places that turn you on. Teach them, as you control your breathing, how to stimulate you and ask them to do the same for you.

Sex games for couples offer so much fun and pleasure for everyone. Learn the art of scheduling time for pleasure to take mood out of the game. When both of you know what’s on the table for sex, it makes offering consent and buy-in easier. Stop living with the idea that arousal lives outside of yourself and accept responsibility for your pleasure.

Ultimately, it will make sex games more rewarding and create an incredibly strong sexual bond between you and your partner.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

dealing with anxiety

Dealing with Anxiety During Sex

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Dealing with Anxiety During Sex

 

Some people are dealing with anxiety while they are having sex and it isn’t anything to be concerned about. 

Actually, dealing with anxiety, especially while in the bedroom, is more common than you think! 

Looking into places like AASECT, you will see there are thousands of sex therapists nationally certified to help you while you are dealing with anxiety. 

I’m going to tell you my favorite method, and as a psychotherapist, something that truly helps you. 

 

Deepening Emotional Knowledge: 

🔻Do you find it difficult to get the kind of pleasure you desire or hear about? 

🔻How often does dealing with anxiety during sex keep you from climax? 

🔻Are others around you trying to repress or express their emotions on you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable? 

🔻Do you ever feel triggered by a situation, yet only when trying to experience orgasm with a partner? 

dealing with anxiety

Not understanding how to manage your emotions can prevent pleasure on multiple levels. 

Dealing with anxiety during sex can literally can rob you of an orgasm. 

Noticing your emotions and the way your TONE of voice affects others around you when you are feeling different emotions is important aspect for pleasure within partnered sex.

If there is a perception of shame, blame, or denigration in your voice because you are feeling sad or fearful or pressured, your tone is still your responsibility to address on the impact it has – especially in partnered sex. 

It is delicate and intimate, thus we want to be tender and gracious to those around us, so we can strengthen the bond. 

If you don’t know how to feel your emotions fully, OR if you don’t know how to handle emotional intensity without breaking into tears, it’s time to understand your own emotional intelligence. 

FIRST, learning to notice emotions and where they are in the body. 

This skillset goes beyond learning just the emotional names though. 

Not only will you learn to name emotions, you will have to integrate emotional intelligence into your daily life and into your body. 

We cannot talk about sex without discussing the body. 

Instead of speeding up the sex, let’s learn to slow it down. 

Instead of having mood based sex, where you are looking for your desire to lead the sex, look for your mind, body, and emotions to lead to eros of intimacy, which leads to great sex. 

Be mindful of your emotions! dealing with anxiety

Learn to identify them! Draw them out in your body! 

    • Fear – lets you know to slow down. Lets you know that there is possible danger. 
    • Anger – lets us know that a boundary has been crossed. That we need to renegotiate a limit.
    • Sadness – lets us know that something is important. It tells us that we are feeling a loss.
    • Joy – lets us know that something is nourishing for us. 

 

No matter if you are single, or have been married for 30 years… there is work to be done often that began in your childhood or younger years. 

Instead of being told to suppress or express your emotions onto others, this is a reclamation of consciousness and self-awareness. 

As we get older, we are able to have more autonomy, and more integrity. 

When we choose to notice our emotions, our tone, and our impact on others, we begin to have new experiences.  

When we bring emotions like overwhelmed, tired, regretful, scared, or annoyed to the bedroom, your body responds to pleasure differently. 

Similarly, if you are dehydrated or hungry, your body will respond differently. Each part of you (the mind, body, soul, AND your emotions) all have a part to play in the connection. 

 

🔥 Emotional understanding is part of having awesome experiences – interpersonally and erotically. 🔥

 

If you are dealing with anxiety during sex, we know that we can help you. 

This is a speciality that some clinicians do not understand, yet we can help! 

Let us show you how! 

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

sex games for couples

6 Unique Sex Games for Couples

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6 Unique Sex Games for Couples

 

Sex games for couples are great way ease into your wilder sex side. They keep things playful as you explore your sexual fantasies.

Have you ever dreamed about being tied up to the bed or having whipped cream licked from your navel and felt too afraid to ask?

There’s just something about knowing it’s a game. It takes the pressure off. The mood is light and you both have permission to laugh when something’s funny or awkward.

 

Getting playful in bed is also a fantastic way to break out of your routine. Now, any type of sex can be good sex. If you’re stuck in a sex routine with your partner, put on your optimist glasses and be thankful you have a routine!

If you’re interested in throwing some new moves, positions, toys, or powerplay dynamics into your sex life, though, sex games for couples are a great way to do it. So, let’s take a look at some games you can play with your partner to start dipping a toe into a deeper level of sexual fantasy.

 

Sex Popsicles

Changes in temperature, both hot and cold, alter sensations. If you’re looking for a way to add a twist to the way things feel, then this one’s for you.

In sex popsicles, you and your partner use ice cubes, frozen fruit, whipped cream, or any other frozen item you love in conjunction with oral sex. As you push or tickle your partner’s vagina or penis, the cold temperatures add intensity to the sexual stimulation.

Oral Sex For Woman

You can play this game in the 69 position or take turns pleasuring each other. The cold intensity of the game adds a playful power dynamic into sex. You can see how long you and your partner can stand the cold.

 

Simple Truth or Dare Sex Games for Couples

Truth or dare is one of the classic sex game for couples. I tell clients that truth or dare works so well because it adds the veneer of game playing into the relationship.

You may not feel comfortable asking your partner to try anal sex or bondage play. Your partner may secretly want you to stimulate the clitoris differently than you’ve always done, and feels bad about asking.

With truth or dare, the insecurity barrier is taken down because you’re playing a game. Any request that may be “too out there” can be laughed off. It gives you room to express your sexual fantasy without damaging your partner’s ego.

 

The Fantasy Raffle

You’ve heard of a swear jar, what about a sex jar? In the fantasy raffle, you and your partner write down sexual requests on a slip of paper and place them in a jar.

When you’re both in the mood for a little game, you can draw one or two slips out of the jar for you to try in bed. The important part of this same game, and really any other sexual encounter, is to focus on meeting both of your needs.

That may not mean you’re both always picking sexual fantasies from the jar. If your partner’s in the mood, and you’re not, pick some fantasies out, and have some fun. You can save your turn for the next time.

 

The Porn Voiceover

This sex game for couples will get you in the mood with a little commentary. Add some fun to pornography watching together by turning off the sound before the video starts.

Each of you chooses a role in the video and you’re responsible for choosing their back story and what they’re saying in the scene. You’re sure to get some laughs as you heat things up with an adult video before sex.

 

Bondage Play

BDSM isn’t for everyone. The people who love it, though, really love it. The addition of power dynamics, the submission, and dominance, insert another layer of complexity into your sexual routine.

You can experiment with being dominant and submissive, and your partner does the same. It’s great when you can switch roles or settle into the role that you discover you love.

Being tied up or tying someone up is about control. When someone else is in charge of pleasing you sexually, the result is often better and more intense orgasms. On the other hand, there’s something so sexually charging about controlling someone else’s sexual experience.

Sex games for couples

An important thing with bondage play is to always have a safe word and to take it slowly. With BDSM, you want to push the limits without taking things too far. Too far is different for each person, so you’re going to have to find what’s right for you and your partner.

 

Mirror Porn

In mirror porn, you follow the leader. The leaders are the porn actors in the video you’re watching.

You and your partner watch a pornography scene and do your best to follow the storyline. When the actors change positions, you follow suit. When there’s some hair pulling, you do the same.

It’s a fun game because pornography is often so over the top. The sounds and movements are exaggerated, so you’re bound to have some laughs as you try to match the on-screen intensity.

 

Choose Your Toy Adventure

Hopefully, you’ve got a few sex toys in the closet you use regularly already. If not, that’s your first step. Get a good vibrator as soon as you can.

In this sex game, go shopping beforehand. We’re lucky right now because we have so many online options available. There are thousands of sex toys. Everything from bondage ropes, to anal plugs, to incredible shapes of vibrators and more.

Before you and your partner have sex, spread the toys out at the end of the bed. Each of you takes turns selecting toys and telling your partner how to use them.

As you change toys, it will shift the sexual arousal and the direction sex goes. Save the best toys for last to make sure intensity builds as you go. Throw in a toy that explores play on sexual fantasies you want to try as well.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

National Sex Day

7 Solo Sex Tips for All Adults on National Sex Day

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7 Solo Sex Tips for All Adults on National Sex Day

 

Did you know there is a National Sex Day? Even though June 9 is not an official holiday, get a little creative with the date (6/9) and you’ll see why so many people have declared it a day of sex.

We’re trying to get the message out that this year’s National Sex Day is more important than ever. With everything that’s going on, and after spending months in quarantine and worried about the coronavirus, it’s time we all had some well-deserved sex! It’s the best stress reliever and releases much-needed endorphins that improve mental health.

Whether you’re flying solo or involved in a relationship with a partner or partners, we’re focused on solo sex this National Sex Day. Solo sex has several mental and physical benefits, and the better you get at it, there more benefits there are to be had.

Here are 7 tips for adults on how to have incredible solo sex on June 9. Let’s all join in and send out some positive sexual energy.

 

Get a Sex Toy!

Sex toys close the orgasm gap between men and women. In surveys, the majority of men, over 90% of them, report achieving orgasm, while only around 60% of women say the same. Sex toys close the gap between different people. With toys, everyone has a chance to have some fun.

Betty Dodson brought vibrators back onto the scene decades ago and solo sex has never been better. Get a magic wand with different settings that can be used on all parts of the body. They come with different attachments and even come wireless and waterproof.

You may also want to try putting on a blindfold. Yes, you hear that right, blindfolds are great for solo sex as well! With a sexy blindfold on, you’re shutting off your other senses and focusing on sexual touch. It’s easier to slip into a sexy fantasy or experiment with different breathing patterns and how they affect your orgasms.

Watch my video about sex toys here for more information:

 

Try Edging

If you’ve been in quarantine for months, chances are you’re ready to experiment with new ways to get more out of solo sex and your orgasms. Edging is a way to delay climax which ultimately ends with more intense and longer-lasting orgasms.

Edging is all about effort. It takes time to build that anticipation in your mind and body that explodes once you reach climax. You may spend your time masturbating to a fantasy or pornography, walking back from the edge just as you’re about to orgasm.

Part of the fun with edging is embracing the anxiety that you may lose the orgasm altogether. This risk-reward play raises the stakes of solo sex. It can also be a fantastic body control exercise that will help you in bed with partners.

 

Experimenting with Anal

Anal orgasms aren’t only for people with penises. All body types can experience pleasure with anal sex. People with vaginas often climax by stimulating themselves through the wall between the vagina and the rectum.

Make sure you have enough lube on hand to make entering nice and easy. Start by slowly massaging your opening to help your body relax before you insert any toys or fingers. Alternate between vertical and horizontal motions in your anus. Add speed and pressure as you become relaxed and comfortable.

 

Use a Mirror

Too many people are still struggling with body issues! If that’s you, take advantage of National Sex Day by sitting yourself in front of a mirror for a solo session.

With a mirror, you can explore your body and work on body acceptance. Massage yourself, use lotion or lube to get yourself lathered up. Put on something sexy to get yourself in the mood.

Caress your legs, stomach, and genitals with your eyes open. Follow what feels good and try new things to see if they work.

 

Talk Dirty to Me

This might feel a bit silly at first, but just trust me. National Sex Day is the perfect time for a little solo sex with a dash of dirty talking. Talking dirty will heat up your solo time and is great practice for fun with partners. If you haven’t played with dirty talk during sex, then this is a great intro.

Push the boundaries on what you’re comfortable with to see where it will take you. Talking dirty to yourself will help you overcome sexual anxiety and embrace the sexual experience.

National Sex Day 

Get a Workout on National Sex Day

No, I’m not saying to masturbate while you’re doing yoga or in between sets of pushups. Instead, exercise your pelvic floor muscles to improve genital control. Squeezing and holding your pelvic muscles tight should also give you a more intense orgasm. All that clinching takes work and has a huge payoff.

Pelvic workouts are all about body control. As you get better, you can sync your hand or toy strokes with your clenching and releasing to make sensations stronger. As you progress, try to hold your squeezes longer and longer to see what kind of difference it makes in your orgasm.

 

Give Tantric Breathing a Try

Many people who struggle to orgasm are found to hold their breath during sex, especially when things heat up during sex. Failing to take deep, measured breaths can prevent orgasm.

National Sex Day is a great time to try out tantric breathing and see whether it can give you an amazing orgasm. Tantric breathing involves inhaling deeply into the belly to increase blood flow which enhances sexual pleasure.

Start by laying down or getting into a sitting position and inhale deeply. Focus on your muscles as they expand and tense. As you exhale, notice the sensations on your skin, your arms, your legs, and focus on erotic thoughts.

Continue breathing like that as you begin to touch and stroke your genitals until you reach orgasm. For many people, tantric breathing helps them get into higher states of arousal and experience intense orgasmic experiences.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

 

Grapefruit Technique

The Grapefruit Technique

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The Grapefruit Technique

 

Have you heard of The Grapefruit Technique in Bed?

Maybe it has been a while since you’ve been a little freaky, and you have a feeling that your partner feels things are a bit stale in your sexual techniques lately?

We all fall into sexual doldrums from time to time. Work, family, or just life, in general, gets to us. 

We feel like we can barely make it into bed much less put on a show.

You don’t have to go wild in bed every time you have sex. 

Sometimes though, you need to do something new to juice up the sex life a bit… so: the grapefruit technique.

I meet with people all the time that want more out of sex, and they don’t know where to start. 

Well, this blog is for the adventurer in you. 

This is a quick guide to something called the grapefruit technique, brought to us by Angel, otherwise known as the “Grapefruit Lady.” If your partner’s got a penis, this is something fun that is sure to blow their mind.

 

The Setup

Anytime old friends get together, they talk about sex. How much they’re getting, if it’s good, what they wish would happen, who’s the hottest, what’s the craziest thing they’ve done, and anything else you can think of. Don’t believe whatever your partner tells you. If they’re hanging around friends, sex is on the table.

One of the time-tested sex topics is a preference between oral sex and intercourse. What feels better, getting head or getting inside?

What if you could find a way to make it feel like you’re doing both at the same time? With the grapefruit technique, that’s exactly what you’ll get.

First, you’re going to need a grapefruit. Oh, you thought this was just a name for something else? No, you need an actual grapefruit.Grapefruit Technique

Now, if your partner is allergic to grapefruit for any reason, skip it and buy a large orange or something comparable.

Cut a hole in the middle of the grapefruit that’s approximately the size of your partner’s penis. Again, you should have a good idea of how big they are. This isn’t exactly something you want to bust out on the first night.

Just before you’re ready for sex, place the grapefruit under your bed where you can reach it. Your partner will probably think you have some scented candle burning or an oil diffuser on.

 

The Get Down

 

You must get your partner blindfolded before you bring the grapefruit out. The element of surprise is important here. Your partner may be resistant to the idea of having a grapefruit rubbed all over their penis, so get the blindfold on them and lay them down.

Trust me, practically no partner will ever reject the idea of being blindfolded by their lover. If you haven’t tried it yet, put it on your list immediately.

Once the blindfold is on, lay your partner on the bed and get started doing what you do. Give your best blow job intro to get them hard, then reach under the bed and pull out the grapefruit.

Slide it over their penis and move it up and down with your hand in sync with your mouth. Your partner’s not going to believe what they’re feeling. How can they be getting an incredible blowjob and feel like they’re inside of you at the same time?

After you’ve been going for a while, feel free to take the blindfold off to give them a view of what’s happening. Now the grapefruit is going to be a pleasant surprise instead of too much to handle.

You can bet they’re going to be asking for it again soon.

There’s good news for the giver as well! Grapefruit is probably going to make giving head more fun and tastier than ever.

 

Keep It Playful

The grapefruit technique is just one example of ways you can mix it up in bed to keep your sex life interesting and fresh. Life’s too short to worry about how you’ll look or what they’ll think. Break free from prudish thinking and push the limits of your sexual boundaries.

Break out the handcuffs, buy a sexy outfit, start roleplaying, get some toys. Do whatever you think would be fun to try. Inserting flirty games into your relationship lets your partner see more of your sexual side, and they’ll feel more comfortable about expressing themselves too.

The grapefruit technique is awesome because it’s a sexual tool that’s fun and feels great. That’s a great combo. If anything, else, you can laugh at trying without taking yourself too seriously. Odds are, though, your partner is going to remember it forever. It may even be the topic of the next meet up between friends.  Your partners’ friends are going to go home begging their spouses and lovers to get to the market and buy some grapefruits.

 

Lean on Your Sex Therapist for Advice

Sex therapy is all about this type of exploration. While we do also focus on overcoming past sexual trauma and relationship issues that get in the way of sexual fulfillment, we spend a lot of time helping you become the sexual being you’re meant to be!

Talk to your therapist about fun ways to mix things up with your partner. Break out of your routine with easy steps we can provide you.

All it takes is a sense of adventure combined with our training and expertise to take you to the next level. Soon, you’ll be having the best sex of your life. The best part is that as you hand out sexual favors to your partner, you’re going to get the payback soon enough.

He’ll be thinking long and hard about how to one-up you on the grapefruit technique. Who knows what that’ll be? We’d love to find out!

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.

Sexy Time

Sexy Time

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Sexy Time

 

Odds are you still think about that one sexy time with that one person from time to time. Maybe it was a college hookup or could have been a serious relationship a long time ago. For whatever reason, they just knew how to get it done.

They could touch you, tease you, and feel you in all the right ways. Something about it was so intense, primal even, that it’s a bit like chasing the dragon trying to get sex to that level again.

What’s funny is those intense sexual experiences we find ourselves daydreaming about are often far from our current reality. When you’re in a stable, long-term relationship, even sex becomes routine. That’s not to say we won’t take it. All consensual sex is good sex, right? Well, there’s good sex, and then there’s GREAT sex.

Here are some easy ways you can get more of what you want from sexy time.

 

Leave Your Assumptions Out the Door

I talk to so many people who are frustrated with their sexual partners. They complain that they can’t find people who know what they’re doing in bed or how to please them. Sex is filled with a lot of “You’re close” and “not quite!”.

Starting from scratch can be hard to do with every partner, especially if you’re coming off a relationship or being with a partner with amazing sexual chemistry. What you shouldn’t do, though, is assume every person has the same experience.

Be verbal before, during, and after sex! Tell your partner what you want and how to do it. Use a guiding hand if you have to show them how it’s done. Their feelings aren’t going to be hurt. They’ll probably be ecstatic.

Imagine if every intimate partner you have lays out exactly how to give them mind-blowing orgasms. Wouldn’t you be stoked to try?

Don’t assume your partner knows how to go down on a woman or give a great blowjob. Tell them what works for you and ask what they like in return.

Sexy Time

 

Avoid Negative Triggers During Sex

Sex sometimes requires difficult discussions. When you’re committed to someone who has a different sex drive or has more or less experienced, it takes adjustment. The last thing you want to do is spring something on them unexpectedly right in the middle of sex.

If you want to try, for instance, anal sex and your partner is apprehensive, discuss experimenting before you give it a shot. See if there’s anything you can do to make things easier for them.

Triggering negative reactions in the middle of sex can tie a bad experience to lovemaking, something no one wants. Keep things positive while you’re in the groove and hold the feedback for another time.

 

Engage in Some Self Experimentation

Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. I talk to so many people who struggle to verbalize what they like and don’t like with sex. It’s almost as if their life depended on it, they wouldn’t be able to tell you what feels good.

Certainly, for many people being comfortable with your sexuality is a mixed basket full of past experiences, religious backgrounds, and upbringing. Your exposure to sex will also affect how you feel.

The best thing for this is some self-exploration. If you can’t point to or talk about where your “on” buttons are, then do some searching. Masturbation is a great stress reliever in general. It’ll also help take any pressure or anxiety you feel when your partner is trying to help get you off.

 

Own It

If you’re feeling like you’re in a sexual rut, you’ve got to take more charge of your sex life. Own what happens in those sheets! Move around, take charge, pull out some handcuffs. Do something that will mix things up and make them more exciting.

Don’t wait for your partner to take the lead every time you have sex. Let your dominant side free every once in a while. Tell them where to go and what to do. Break up the routine a bit. It doesn’t have to be every time, but a little effort is a great reminder that you’ve still go it and things don’t have to be lame.

Sexy Time

 

Everybody Loves a Bit of Dirty Talk

Yes, you heard me. Sounds so silly though, right? No, it doesn’t. Dirty talk only sounds ridiculous until you try it. Trust me, it might feel weird the first time you whisper “Give it to me harder…” into your partner’s ear as their thrusting on top of you, however, you’re going to love how stimulating it is when they’re asking, “You like that?” when they’re pulling your hair from behind.

Talking dirty takes some getting used to. Once the cat’s out of the bag, though, sexy time is never going to be the same. Sex becomes more playful, and about more than just the physical act. You get to add a bit more personality and rev the intensity up.

 

The Personal Pep Talk

All of us deal with some level of insecurity tied to sex. We all have a bit of flab here or a dimple there we wish we didn’t have. Maybe it’s been a while since we’ve had sex and we feel like we’re out of practice.

Understand that everyone carries a bit of baggage into the bedroom. The people that enjoy sex most are usually those who can toss the baggage aside for half an hour or so and experience some pure pleasure.

Try giving yourself a sex pep talk before things heat up. Sneak into the bathroom if you have to and look yourself in the mirror. Relax your shoulders, breathe a bit, and get over yourself. Laugh at how nervous you are and tell yourself it’s just sex. It’s how adults have fun. And get out there and have some fun!

Sex is too great a gift to be boring or mundane. Juice things up, have fun, and get a little kinky. You’ll never regret it and, trust us, neither will your partner.

You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer. 

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. 

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists! 

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems. 

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do. 

Call or text us at 203-733-9600 or make an appointment.