Help! I Have No Sex Drive and My Husband Is Mad!

Help! I Have No Sex Drive and My Husband Is Mad!


Have you ever thought, “I have no sex drive, and my husband is mad,” to yourself? You may have even attempted to look for advice on how to improve both your relationship and yourself online. Some wives even discuss this with their closest friends to figure out how to be more sexually active with their husbands.

If you care about this topic, keep reading as we explore all your options and their causes. Not being sexually interested in your partner in a monogamous sexual relationship must be addressed. There are times when we do not want to have frequent or any sex with our partners. However, if this phase is lasting too long and you do not know how to bring back that sex magic, it is time to examine what is going on in your relationship. 


What is Sex Drive?

Let us first define your sex drive before discussing why it is low and how to boost it. Our desire to have sex is called libido. A person with low sex drive has little or no desire for sex. This will be more noticeable in a long-term relationship than if you are single and not dating. 

A lack of sexual desire can damage your relationship and even cause a breakup if you’re with an allosexual partner. Understandably, if your partner and you have different sexual drives, it may affect your relationship. The only thing that matters here is being honest with yourself and your partner when finding the solution to this unpleasant problem. 


Reasons for Lower Sex Drive

Instead of blaming yourself for low sex drive, consider external factors. Some women notice their sex drive dropping greatly after menopause, while others remain aware of it throughout their lives due to cultural and religious beliefs.

Mental illness has been linked to decreased sexual drive and arousal. A lack of sexual drive and sexual dysfunction are common in depressed and anxious people. Check with a therapist to see if your low sex drive is linked to mental health. 

Mental health, menopause, and other factors can affect sex desire. Age, obesity, chronic conditions, medication, pregnancy, and relationship satisfaction can all affect sex drive. We are all different in our ways of being intimate or sexual towards another person, so make sure you are not comparing your situation to your friend’s. 


How to Improve Sex Drive

You shouldn’t expect to improve the sexual aspect of your marriage if you’re uncertain of the reason for it. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to improve the sexual connection you have with your husband. Most couples experiencing this issue will seek sex therapy, in which a therapist will assist with the sexual problems you two are having. 

Besides helping you solve the issues that are preventing you from enjoying marital sex, therapists can also improve intimacy between spouses, improve your orgasm experience, help you communicate your sexual wishes that you were afraid or ashamed to share, and so much more. 

You might not know this, yet sleep is crucial for sexual desire. If you’re sleeping only a few hours every night and trying not to collapse under all the responsibilities you have, your desire to be sexually intimate with your partner will most likely be very low. Women who improve the quality and duration of their sleep report a higher sexual drive the next day. 

Also, you can try aphrodisiacs, such as foods like raw oysters, strawberries, and chocolate, to improve your sexual desire. Yoga, mindfulness, and regular exercise can also enhance your libido and lead to more frequent sexual activities.


Different Sex Drive Levels in Relationships

There is no normal sex drive or norm that everyone should aspire to when it comes to being sexually attracted to or having sex with another human being. You might need to have sex once a week with your husband, while another person will need to have sex with their spouse several times a week. Both of these situations are perfectly fine, as long as they are not making you feel bad or affecting your relationship in any way.

Many couples will notice that one partner’s sex drive and needs are very different from their own. What is key to this is communication, like everything else in marriage. Both partners should be aware of their partner’s sex drive and find a way to ensure their needs are met. Talk to your partner and explain to them how you feel about sex. The sooner they understand that your lower sex drive has nothing to do with them, the healthier your sex life will be. 

Couples who differ in sexual expectations often realize that being open and honest in their communication about sex leads to stronger connections and a greater desire to have sex. Let’s not forget that one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs is not chocolate, sexy lingerie, or a gym body – it is the connection built through valuable conversations with your partner. 

Forget about improving your sex drive and setting goals in your mind. Work on connecting better with your partner, trying out new and exciting things, and learning something new about each other, and you will notice the sparkle coming back both in your relationship and your bed. 


About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do