Why Am I Single?

Why Am I Single?


You may wonder, “Why am I single?” despite your best efforts to socialize. We promise that dating is hard, whether you are new or have heard horror stories. Whether through friends or blind dates, it is normal to feel discouraged about “getting back out there” at all. 

While dating apps have plenty of singles, these dates often fail. We wanted to examine why people are single and what to do about it (if you want to!). 


Reasons for Being Single 

Clearly, some want to be single. They do not want a committed relationship. Circumstances make others single. They may have ended a committed relationship or not found someone they clicked with after dating.

Even when they don’t want to, single individuals often stay that way for various reasons, including unintentional self-sabotage, structural obstacles, and random, unpredictable circumstances.


  • Avoiding Dating to Avoid Getting Hurt

Suppose you had a hard time feeling safe and secure in past relationships or that you did not feel safe and secure with your parents or other caregivers as a child. It is understandable that you would be afraid of closeness in such a situation. Although humans are hardwired for connection and bonding, rocky relationships may make it difficult to trust others in the future.

Your inner saboteur will prevent you from having a bad experience, staying in a toxic relationship, or making a life-changing connection. The saboteur is cunning and can appear as insecurity, body image issues, selectiveness, never dating, delaying dating and socializing, or being very busy.


  • Waiting for the Right Person

People occasionally stay single longer than they would want to because they have yet to find the right person. Some people discover they need help finding the proper match despite their efforts to locate a mate.

While some of us get along with just about anyone, others require a specific personality or relationship dynamic before things truly “click.” If you belong to the latter kind, it can take longer to sift through possible companions until you discover someone who is genuinely suitable for you.


  • Dating the Wrong Type

Now, occasionally, single people don’t find partners because they have a poor “radar” or “picker” for compatible matches. In other words, the people they are drawn to or actively seek out are typically not ideal matches for them.

Individuals may frequently date the wrong individuals for a variety of reasons, yet a few of the main ones are as follows:

  • Dating what’s comfortable rather than what’s healthy,
  • Pursuing highs and roller-coaster relationships rather than stable, healthy relationships
  • Putting faith in an attractive face without first examining their heart
  • Not confirming if the goals are compatible before becoming emotionally committed
  • Not recognizing warning signs in time
  • Rushing into partnerships despite warning signs


  • Lacking Key Relationship Skills

In some cases, you may need relationship skills to maintain a good relationship. Consider ways you can improve as a dater.

For instance, if you frequently experience uncertainty in relationships, you may discover that you exhibit so-called clinging habits that drive potential mates away. You may also need help resolving a conflict without escalating it, which can damage the relationship. Be honest about your personal struggles to build healthy, effective relationships.


  • Having Unhealed Wounds

Other scars from our past, in addition to our ex-partners, may influence how we approach and navigate relationships now. Unresolved trauma frequently makes finding a committed relationship difficult.

For example, our family histories, childhood memories, and interactions with our parents may all have a significant impact on how we act in relationships as adults. Attachment, abandonment, trust, and other wounds can make maintaining a relationship harder. When we do not acknowledge or fix our problems, we can alienate ourselves from others.


How to Stop Being Single

Think about it slowly if you’re wondering why you’re still single. Start by examining whether or not you genuinely desire a romantic connection or whether others’ expectations are driving you in that direction. This requires separating your genuine desires from what society has instructed you to seek, which is difficult work. To help you distinguish what belongs to you and what doesn’t, working with a therapist or relationship coach who is socially conscious might be helpful.

If you truly want a relationship, give your dating life some serious thought. Think about your expectations for a partner and a relationship. Journal about your prior experiences to determine if there are any unresolved traumas or scars that may be getting in the way. 

It’s time to engage with this aspect of your life more actively once you’ve finished carefully looking at your dating life. Take whatever little step toward your partnership goal makes sense to you. It can include creating your first dating profile. Or it can consist of telling themselves and their friends that they’re prepared to start looking again. Over time, small steps add up and assist you in becoming more accustomed to the awkward dating process.

Consider coming up with fresh methods to network, including joining a book club, enrolling in a music or art course, or becoming engaged with a volunteer organization—all locations where you may start to meet new people and widen your circle.


In Final Words

If you want to change your status, you should consider working on your communication skills. To help you understand better what you seek and how to be your best self when dating (and in a relationship), check out this video with some gems you’ll adore!


Couples Communication Strategies


About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do