How to Break Up With a Friend

 

All breakups are complex, yet knowing how to break up with a friend might be the toughest. There are endless reasons why you would want to break up with your friend, from losing shared interests to feeling betrayed by something they did. Because you share a history and likely have complicated feelings, breaking up with a friend is difficult. 

If you’re confident that ending the friendship is correct, continue reading to learn valuable guidelines and tips to avoid a messy situation. 

 

Reasons to Break Up with Your Friend

Knowing why you no longer want to be friends with a certain person can help you make decisions about how to break up with them. This can help you move on more quickly after breaking up with a friend.

As we already said, there are several reasons why you would want to break up with your friend, such as: 

• Changes: You no longer attend the same school, work together, or engage with each other the way you used to. 
• Mental health: Your friend is dishonest or unkind, putting more effort into tearing you down than putting you back together. Or you don’t get as much pleasure out of the friendship as you once did.
• Conflict: One or more situations in which you have different opinions or values strongly impact your friendship. 
• Toxicity: Your friend’s behavior, word, or energy is becoming harmful, and you don’t feel positive around them.

 

Of course, these are the main reasons why people often break their friendship. Each relationship between two people is unique. If you’re certain you want to break up with your friend, knowing the reason will help you and them move on and learn from this experience. 

 

Before You End It…

If you’re not sure whether to end the connection, spend some time talking to your friend about your issues. Sometimes, having an open discussion with your friend about a challenging circumstance or event can restore trust. 

If you continue to feel uneasy about the relationship despite your best efforts to speak with your friend, it could be time to end it. If they don’t share the same perspective, remind yourself of the reasons for considering this breakup. Most importantly, don’t forget to give yourself time to feel confident about this decision and communicate it clearly to your friend.

 

Best Way to Break Up With a Friend

Breaking up with a friend can be very difficult. Even though you may not want to, you know you should let them go. Even though you know the other person would be hurt, you must consider thinking about yourself first.  

A friend breakup can significantly impact you, especially if you’ve been friends for a long time and given them much of your time, affection, and effort. Is there any way to terminate things amicably? Of course! However, the way you decide to break up with your friend will set the tone of the breakup, so be careful how you talk. 

 

Reflecting on Values

Start by considering your values and how the friendship no longer meets your needs to start the conversation. For instance, you might need to focus on extra income, and you have to tell your friend there is less free time for them. You cannot work less because you need money and feel disappointed that your friend doesn’t get that. They probably need a friend who can be there for them more often than you can, so it makes sense to part ways. 

Another common example is when you’ve just started a romantic relationship and want to dedicate your free time to that special person. If your friend doesn’t understand that and is causing additional pressure on you, it’s not the right friendship for you—or them. You have different values and needs regarding friendships, so ending it is a pretty reasonable decision. 

 

Talk from Your Perspective

Breakups are a consequence of not being able to find common ground. That is why it’s important to talk from your perspective instead of offering dialogue and being curious about how they feel about it. To do so, use “I” statements. 

For instance, you can say, “In the past few months, I feel like our conversations are not as captivating as they used to be. I love talking about new ideas and inspiring things, so focusing only on the negative side of everything is not my thing.” This way, you are setting clear expectations and not accusing your friend of not giving you what you want, which happens in breakup conversations. 

 

Set Your Boundaries

When the conversation ends, let the other person know you would prefer a defined boundary or space or terminate all communication altogether. So, besides letting your friend know the reason for the breakup, make sure you communicate the boundary you want to set. 

This one might be difficult. Asking them to stop texting or calling you might sound harsh, yet it’s natural. After expressing your reasons for ending the friendship, it’s only natural that things will change. Although you might feel uncomfortable addressing these things, it’s important to protect yourself and stay true to your decision. 

 

Post-Friendship Breakup: Taking Care of Yourself 

Even if you were the one to break up with someone, the pain after a breakup is quite common. You will also likely mourn the loss of friendship, even if it was the proper decision to end it. It can be much more complicated if you still have shared connections or are in a larger friend group. However, remember that ending a relationship is perfectly fine when your needs aren’t met and your emotions are wounded or ignored.

When the time is right, inform your other friends of your decision to cut ties with your shared friend and establish any ground rules for discussions. You do not need to share the specifics with your other friends, even though they may be interested in knowing. 

Remember that you are not the only person going through a friendship breakup. Take this opportunity to focus on your healing and properly care for yourself.

 

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