How to Have Difficult Conversations with People You Care About

 

Not knowing how to have difficult conversations with other people is more common than you think. We often believe that everyone else is so skilled when it comes to complex conversations. Recognizing that the situation feels a bit awkward and that you are not entirely comfortable with it is an important first step toward improving your ability to engage in these conversations. 

Since we all face such situations, it makes sense to learn how to have constructive conversations, even if they are difficult. In this article, we’ve explored some thoughtful approaches to help you prepare for a challenging conversation with someone who is important to you.

 

Examples of Difficult Conversations

Regardless of your age, education, career, and place of living, you’ve probably had a few difficult conversations in your life. That is because we’re constantly interacting with other people, trying to connect on a more meaningful level, or simply being new to situations. One difficult conversation may have been when you moved into your first apartment alone and the landlord confronted you about the noise levels on weekends. 

Many common examples of difficult conversations are those related to work, family, relationships, and friendships. Therefore, setting boundaries with people we care about is challenging for so many reasons. Because we care about them, confronting them on something may be scary, especially if we have not done it before.

Having tough conversations is not always fun, but at least you can be ready for them. 

 

Prepare Yourself for a Difficult Conversation

Regardless of why you need to have a difficult conversation with someone, you can practice it so you feel more confident in what you want to say. Preparation is about knowing what you want to say and what you want to learn from this conversation. 

The closer you are to that person, the more difficult the conversation appears in your mind. Before you share your perspective with another person and allow them to share theirs, it’s important to be as clear and straightforward while having a relaxed tone. 

 

1.Address the Trigger

What was the trigger that led you to decide to have a conversation? Was it one event or a series of events? Was this something that started happening recently, or has it been going on for decades? Knowing which actions or words made a negative impact on you is essential for the conversation. Without it, you will only be able to express how you feel, and the person will most likely have a poor understanding of what you are saying. 

 

2.Understand How You Feel

Oftentimes, we’ll try to rationalize our own feelings in order to be accepted by others. By doing this, you are skipping an important part of a process. Allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt and ensure you have enough time and a safe space to do so. You can journal about it or talk about it with a coach or therapist if you feel you need support. 

 

3.Define Your Talking Points

Once you’ve given yourself time to feel vulnerable, afraid, angry, or sad, it’s time to think about what you want to say to the person. For instance, if you’re breaking up with your partner after trying to save the relationship for so long, it’s essential that you’re clear on what you wish to communicate to them. You don’t have to share every thought you have. The idea is that the conversation is valuable to both sides. 

 

4.Choose the Time and Place 

Consider how you can make this conversation easier for yourself if you are aware that it may be awkward. Think about the places that can help you focus better or that are neutral territory, such as a park. If you think they’ll want to prolong the conversation and drain your energy that way, suggest meeting at a place that allows you to leave whenever you want. On the other hand, if the conversation is very intimate, your place might seem like a better option.  

 

5.Set the Tone

If a person is unaware that you want to have a difficult conversation with them, it would be best to say it before you dive into it. This will give them a moment to prepare and align their feelings with the purpose of the conversation. Make sure you’re being respectful yet very straightforward. Your responsibility is to communicate what you need to say, and the way they feel about it is their responsibility. 

 

After a Difficult Conversation…

There is a big chance that things will not be the same after you have that difficult conversation. The other person has the choice to either do their best to ensure this never happens again or they can get upset and stop talking to you. The important thing to know here is that you can’t control how other people react. 

Also, if you think they only apologized because they wanted to avoid talking further about it, pay closer attention to their actions. Be sure to check how they behave once a similar situation occurs. Are they taking into consideration everything you shared or are they acting the same? 

 

Seeking Help to Establish Boundaries

Any type of relationship might require a difficult conversation from time to time. If this is something that sounds overwhelming to you, consider talking to a therapist. They can help you understand what makes you feel so uncomfortable about this conversation. Beyond that, a therapist will help you learn to establish healthy boundaries. 

Once you understand your needs better, you will be able to communicate them more efficiently to others. However, this is easier said than done. That is why it’s common for many to talk to a mental health professional who can provide support on their journey towards more fulfilling relationships with themselves and others. Come join us by making a virtual session today. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.