What Is an Emotionally Unintelligent Person?

If being emotionally intelligent means having the capability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions, as well as recognize and understand the emotions of others, then being emotionally unintelligent is the complete opposite. An emotionally unintelligent person will lack all of these skills, making it difficult to connect with themselves and others on a deeper level.

You might be surprised to learn that the lack of emotional intelligence is more common than you’d think. After all, it is not about being a malicious person. An emotionally unintelligent person doesn’t thrive on hurting other people, yet they are missing these key awareness skills that could lead to such results, especially in personal relationships.

What Emotional Unintelligence Really Means

So, what would be the opposite of emotional intelligence? Imagine a person who doesn’t understand what they feel and why they feel that way. They may be unable to control their anger outbursts in public or their laughter at other people.

When it comes to relating to other people, they won’t be able to understand why something is important to someone else. Even if you confront them about it, they will not be able to change their behavior so easily. Those are the most common examples of emotionally unintelligent people.

However, it is crucial to explain the difference between low EQ (Emotional Quotient) and personality flaws here. Having a low EQ implies you have an emotional and social skill deficit, whereas personality flaws are broader aspects of character that can overlap with but are distinct from low EQ. For instance, the inability to manage your emotions in public is a sign of low EQ, yet being generally selfish might be considered more of a personality flaw.

A common misconception about low EQ is that it implies a person lacks empathy, which is not the case. A person can be very empathic, yet still emotionally unintelligent. A common example could be encouraging a friend to leave their relationship by promising them that everything will go smoothly after the breakup, including finding a new apartment, getting over their ex-partner, and starting to date again. Although the intentions are beneficial, the lack of awareness while providing support can lead to undesired and painful outcomes.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is emotional unintelligence?

Emotional unintelligence refers to difficulty in recognizing, understanding, or managing emotions, both your own and others’. It can show up as poor self-awareness, reactive behavior, insensitivity, or struggles with communication and empathy.

What are common signs of emotional unintelligence?

Typical signs include defensiveness, blaming others, inability to handle feedback, frequent misunderstandings, emotional outbursts, avoidance of emotional conversations, or dismissing other people’s feelings.

Can someone improve their emotional intelligence even if they currently lack it?

Emotional intelligence is a skill, not a fixed trait. Improvement comes through self-reflection, learning emotional vocabulary, practicing empathy, building better communication habits, and receiving honest feedback from trusted people or professionals.

Signs a Person Might Be Emotionally Unintelligent

There are signs to look for to see if you or someone you know is emotionally unintelligent. Keep in mind that even if a person exhibits signs of emotional unintelligence, it doesn’t immediately confirm they are emotionally unintelligent. However, these signs may indicate a specific type of behavior that necessitates intense awareness for improvement.

1.Difficulty Naming or Understanding Emotions

A person who lacks emotional intelligence will often say they don’t understand why they feel a certain way. They will express symptoms of a certain emotion, whether that’s anger, fear, or something else, yet they will not be able to understand why this emotion appeared. Because they don’t recognize the emotion, they will struggle to manage it and talk about it with a friend, partner, or someone they trust.

2.Reacting Instead of Responding

Emotionally intelligent people will be more patient and comprehensive in processing other people’s emotions or experiences. When a person reacts impulsively to something in their environment, it may indicate they are emotionally unintelligent. You may observe that their reactions are often defensive and influenced by past events.

3.Taking Everything Personally

Everyone sometimes takes things personally, but a person who lacks emotional intelligence often has a low tolerance for feedback. Even if you share your suggestion in a kind, polite tone, they will interpret it as harsh criticism.

4.Poor Listening Skills

To be an emotionally intelligent person, you have to be skilled in both talking and listening. Having poor listening skills indicates you only listen to reply, not to understand what someone else is saying. An emotionally unintelligent person often interrupts or dominates conversations and is not aware of this dynamic. That is why their lack of patience for other people’s interests usually affects their close relationships negatively.

5.Avoiding Difficult Conversations

Another sign of an emotionally unintelligent person is their tendency to avoid difficult conversations. You will rarely see them offering constructive comments during a conflict; instead, they will likely disengage or become emotional, often angry. This results in accumulated resentment and unresolved issues in personal or professional relationships.

6.Struggles with Boundaries

Although everyone struggles with boundaries up to a certain point, a person with a lack of emotional intelligence struggles to respect their own and other people’s boundaries. Due to their lack of understanding of the importance of setting boundaries in relationships, they often disregard them and quickly justify their actions. Common examples include overstepping or feeling offended when someone sets a boundary for them.

Why Emotional Unintelligence Happens

Emotional unintelligence can occur due to a number of factors. However, childhood modeling and social conditioning are the most common reasons why someone lacks emotional intelligence in adulthood. Also, a person could lack an emotional vocabulary, which could make it more difficult to recognize their emotions. Trauma or chronic stress can also lead to a lack of emotional intelligence, especially if that traumatic event has not been processed healthily.

Here, it is also vital to mention cultural messaging around thoroughness, which is usually aimed at men. The idea of not having the right to express emotions like sadness and fear can lead to emotional numbness.

How to Become More Emotionally Intelligent

Fortunately, there are numerous methods available to either practice yourself or recommend to someone else, all aimed at boosting emotional intelligence. Start by building your emotional vocabulary. You can do your part by getting in the habit of naming your feelings. That’s a great start to understanding the spectrum of human feelings and the nuances that separate them.

You might want to practice mindful self-awareness by observing your triggers or learning your internal patterns. This is best done with the help of an experienced therapist who can guide you through the entire process. By building emotional regulation, you will be able to manage your emotions in a healthier way and support your loved ones when they experience their emotions.

As defensiveness is a key trait in most emotionally unintelligent people, learning to cultivate curiosity over defensiveness can be crucial for your personal growth. Instead of feeling attacked, ask yourself why you feel a certain way. Instead of numbing down your emotions, ask yourself how you would describe what you are experiencing right now.

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