Green Flags for Couple Goals
Whenever people talk about couple goals and relationships, there is a tendency to focus on the “red flags.” Instead of focusing on the things that should be avoided, or early warning signs that a relationship is “doomed,” we are going to focus on green flags for couple goals today!
While it can certainly be helpful when creating couples goals to know what you want to avoid and what to look out for, it can leave you feeling directionless when knowing what you should be looking for!
Things that should be avoided, or early warning signs that a relationship is “doomed”.
While it can certainly be helpful when creating couple goals to know what you want to avoid and what to look out for, it can leave you feeling directionless when knowing what you should be looking for!
The Benefits of Positivity
It is definitely smart to avoid certain behaviors as a couple or as an individual, so red flags are something useful for identifying behaviors, habits and personality traits that may be harmful to a relationship or to oneself.
Think about it: if you bought furniture and the assembly instructions only included what you shouldn’t do, you would have a lot of trouble trying to build something functional and structurally sound!
The same goes for couple goals: using green flags is a great way to identify what is right about a relationship, what you may be looking for, and to remind you what is already working so you can focus on aspects to improve towards.
So What Are The Green Flags?
Most couple goals or green flags can be sorted into five basic categories:
- Sense of Self
Most red flags fall into these categories too, and green flags give you solutions rather than just identifying problems.
Let’s dive into these green flags!
Communication will always be the foundation of a great relationship can must be one of your couples goals. Most of the other green flags are an offshoot of communication, it is so important!
Some green flags to indicate strong communication include:
- Listening to you talk when you have issues, and supporting you through them
- Recognizes your love language and uses it to express their love instead of only using their own love language
- Modeling what they would like to hear in an argument. Ex: “Next time this comes up, a way that would model a healthier approach for me would be to say “What I think I hear you saying is____, is that correct?”
Listening supportively and communicating in ways that you each find effective are good signs that you are building a foundation to set some serious couples goals.
Compromise should never mean becoming a doormat or consistently letting your own needs and wants take a backseat for the sake of your partner.
Compromise means trying to find solutions that benefit both of you, and finding ideas and solutions that are maybe even better than anyone’s singular idea. Think synergistically: the sum is greater than the whole of its parts.
This requires humility and letting go of the desire to “win”. A relationship where everyone is trying to win and outrank each other is a huge red flag, so look at these green flags when it comes to compromise:
- Look for the mutually-empowering way (a win-win) to resolve issues
- Postponing gratification in the moment
- Being able to apologize and take ownership of wrongdoing
Being humble and accommodating each other’s unique and evolving needs will benefit your couples goals by working together for a great relationship.
Boundaries can go hand in hand with compromise. Setting boundaries isn’t about shutting out your partner, and is actually about letting them in.
Knowing your partner’s boundaries and being mindful of them is a green flag. Here are some examples:
- You partner stops doing things that you say make you uncomfortable
- Don’t avoid sharing truths.
Taking actions that respect each other’s boundaries will strengthen trust. The ability to be honest and open about your boundaries can help build that trust too.
Respect is like Communication’s close sister, they are so closely related and you can’t really have one without the other when working towards couples goals.
It is hard to feel confident about yourself or even communicate this feeling if you don’t feel you are respected. All relationships rely on respect to keep them communicative, loving and lasting.
Some green flags that indicate respect:
- You don’t put each other down deliberately, especially in public
- Uses a calm, rational tone during arguments
- Support each other’s ambitions and aids in growth
- Keeping your word, doing what you say you will do and follows through.
Strong Sense of Self
You cannot set strong couple goals if you are not feeling complete as individuals, with your own goals, opinions, aspirations and ideas.
You can approach relationships in a healthier way if you let go of the mindset that someone else will “complete” you.
As romantic as that is in movies, in the real world it can leave you disappointed and co-dependent!
Some green flags:
- You both engage in your own inner work, consistently over and over
- Support each other’s ambitions and goals
- Celebrate each other’s accomplishments without jealousy
- Each have goals outside of the relationship
- Self respect
The statement “you can’t give someone a drink from an empty cup” is cliché though true: if you aren’t continuing to grow, work on yourself and find fulfillment in your own life, you won’t have much to give a partner or to a relationship.
In the same vein, you don’t need to sacrifice your entire cup to someone else- it is yours to drink from and share as you please!
Redefining Couple Goals
The point of focusing on a “green flag” system instead of or adjacent to a red flag mindset is to give you actionable habits and behaviors to work towards in your relationships.
Knowing what to work on and what to look for in relationships can be immensely helpful when working towards growth and relationship health.
Which of these green flags do you already look for in relationships? Are some of these the answer to the red flags you actively avoid? Which green flags do you want to try out first in your couple goals?
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