NEDA Week

Post by Meaghan

 

42 Attempts, 42 Notes

I made 42 attempts, leaving 42 notes in my phone. Forty-two continuous efforts to find the perfect thing to say.

I wanted to post a before-and-after to show the severity of my eating disorder. Yet at my lowest weight I was sick, and at my highest, I was more sick. A photo would not have done it justice.

Daily Struggles

I wanted to share a day in the life of my eating disorder. And I wanted you to understand how each day existing in the world was a challenge. I wanted to show that disordered eating often leads to eating disorders.

I wanted to express my hatred for one-size-fits-all diets. They are not designed for anyone in particular. They are a business profiting from telling women and men how different their lives could be.

Dark Times

I wanted to tell you about the months I spent struggling with suicidal thoughts. Also I wanted to reveal the negative things that happen in your brain when it isn’t given fuel.

I wanted to scream from the rooftops to my friends that they are capable of recovery. I wanted them to know that I see them as more than just a disorder.

Setting Boundaries

I wanted to tell those who haven’t supported me, “screw you.” To those who asked me to stay silent, or would rather discuss diets than how I’m doing in recovery: I’m doing better without you.

NEDA Week Reflections

This past week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week—a week I normally honor with pictures, words, art, speakers, and movie days. It’s an important week in treatment, a celebration of all that we have overcome.

This year, however, the week came with added anxiety, stress, and work. I can’t say I’m disappointed. My stress didn’t come from a cupcake; it came from a heavy workload and family matters. And my anxiety came from drinking too much caffeine. My life has become a typical 26-year-old life.

Recovery and Growth

I still think about my eating disorder. My brain feels divided: 25% consumed by disordered thoughts, while the other 75% knows how to combat them. Recovery is HARD. I don’t believe I will ever fully arrive. Yet, every day grows more beautiful and full of light.

That’s the growth I could ever ask for. To my girls and guys who honored this week—thank you. Thank you for sharing your recovery, lighting up blue and green for NEDA, sharing your artwork. Most importantly, thank you for fighting and showing me your strength. You inspire me. 💙💚💙