Sexual Anxiety in Females and Gendered “Girls” at Birth
Sexual anxiety in females and those gendered girls at birth is common.
From the moment women are socialized as a “girl,” her sex organs and her sexual pleasure is treated differently than it is for men
For example…did you know that the external genitalia is called a Vulva?
I didn’t learn the difference until I was in college studying sexuality. Meaning, it seems that Americans are sexually illiterate when it comes to the anatomy of pleasure.
We often talk about intimacy in figurative terms – the sharing of an emotional and spiritual connection. While ex is an intimate physical exchange of the body.
We literally bare ourselves to our partner. All that effort you put into wearing your favorite jeans or a flattering bra goes out the window. You’re there, they’re there, and there’s little in between.
Difficulty Achieving Orgasm
Many people with vaginas have a harder time climaxing sexually than those with penises.
Some things aren’t equal when it comes to sex, and people who struggle to achieve orgasm often feel sexual anxiety.
It can be hard, but it’s also what makes having sex such a unique and dynamic interaction between people. If you’ve dealt with this issue in the past, you’ll understand why.
A lot of sexual partners use orgasm as a sign of satisfaction with their performance. Lack of orgasm can be interpreted as you not being “into it” or that maybe your partner did something wrong.
Most vulva and vagina-bodied people know that’s not the case. However, a lot of times stress over the situation leads them to fake an orgasm. Did you make the right sounds?
Was it convincing? You’re dealing with stress over how your body feels as well as managing the emotional well being of your partner. It’s a lot to deal with, which is why sexual anxiety in females and gendered girls at birth is so common.
What Does Sex Mean?
Many women or trans men struggle with interpreting the significance of sex. This is especially true in the beginning stages of a relationship.
Your sexual relationship certainly means a lot. It can bring you closer together as a couple. On the other hand, sexual incompatibility is real.
If you’re not on the same page and neither of you is willing to compromise, then it could spell long-term discontent in the relationship.
You may have laid in bed after sex wondering what they were thinking. Did they enjoy it? When I did that one thing, did they like it? Overthinking and self-doubt can easily creep in and turn into sexual anxiety.
Being Happy with Your Body
We’ve touched on this a bit with body image among people who identify as men and trans women, but it’s typically magnified in different genders.
There’s so much pressure on having a certain physique that many are driven to eating disorders and other forms of self-harm for looks.
If you struggle with how others perceive your body in the normal course of the day, imagine how someone with body image issues handles being naked in front of someone they care deeply about.
Everyone who has sex or is involved with someone romantically wants to be an object of desire.
It feels wonderful to be wanted, to be desired. You won’t be able to fully appreciate someone else’s love for your body until you can overcome your anxiety about the way you look.
Take A Breath and Enjoy the Ride
We’re all at various stages in our journey of self-acceptance and sexual expression. Sexual anxiety is normal, but if you find yourself wishing you could find a way out of sex, or not having sex at all, then consider counseling to find a way through.
Take a breath and understand that everyone has hang-ups about how they look, how they’re doing and whether they’re able to please their partner. Don’t let it distract you from what’s most important about sex, that it’s fun and pleasurable!
Keeping your pelvic floor strong is important for avoiding any embarrassing accidents and prolapses. It is also critical for a good sex life too!
Vaginas are pretty temperamental and sometimes the vaginal muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering it. This feeling can range from mildly uncomfortable to painful.
If intercourse has been painful, the pelvic floor muscles, which wrap around the vagina, tighten up and close the vagina protectively.
That could be a good idea initially, but not if the muscles don’t open up again. Sex won’t be fun!
Kegel Exercises are often recommended when seeing a doctor or pelvic floor therapist. Here are some fun activities to try:
- To perform Kegel exercises effectively, you’ll need to first identify the right muscles. The easiest way to do this is to stop urination midstream. The muscles that help you do that are the ones used in Kegel exercises.
- Contract these muscles as much as possible and hold for a goal of five seconds. Release for five seconds. Repeat.
- If you’re just starting, work your way up! Do a 50% squeeze instead of 100% for the first week!
- For best results, especially if you have pelvic floor issues, I highly recommend going to a pelvic floor physical therapist. If you live near West Hartford CT, I know the best pelvic floor PT in the state! Feel free to reach out and I will give you the contact info.
There are thousands of therapists who DON’T get it! Usually, our practice is the one people come to after not getting results elsewhere.
Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.