Stop Emotional Detachment and Take A Time Out!
If you experience emotional detachment while arguing with a partner, try something new.
When you feel triggered by your partner(s), stop and take a time out with yourself.
Unless there is violence happening, or there is a situation of life / death, the situation will benefit from time.
Emotional detachment is when we hit an internal wall of intimacy due to recognizing our wounded past.
When this happens, emotions are projected onto partner(s) or loved ones.
The goal is not to emotionally detach, yet to learn, to feel, to reveal, take responsibility and invite collaboration with others.
All those within an argument can ask for a time out when needed.
Take a minimum of 20 minutes so that your prefrontal cortex can come back online!
While you calm yourself down and / or slow down your numbness, try to stay emotionally engaged.
Some things to consider asking:
- What is the emotion of what I am feeling?
- What are the words in my head?
- When is the earliest in my childhood that I recall saying these words inside my head
- When is the earliest in my childhood that I remember feeling this way?
- Do any memories/pictures arise when I ask that?
Then, journal, dance, move through the emotion on your own.
Use coping strategies (such as distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, grounding and meditation techniques) to tune into the CORE of the hurt.
Then, go back to the person or event that was triggering. Now that you are resourced and more grounded, it is time to connect with another.
Emotional detachment is harmful to the relationship, so it’s important to practice interpersonal connection with those you love instead.
If you have consent, you can calmly and courageously reveal what is happening for you.
Using Compassionate Communication instead of Emotional Detachment
- Make a request
- Let them know a limit or boundary
- Invite collaboration
“I am noticing that for me, when there is a tone of voice like I heard, it reminds me of an uncomfortable experience from my youth. I can either let you know in the future that that’s happening for me. Are you willing to be a part of redirecting the conversation?”
If you have any questions, or for clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized sessions on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.