How to Save a Sexless Marriage?

 

If you’re thinking about how to save a sexless marriage, it probably means that there was no consensus between you and your spouse on having a marriage without sexual activities. This article doesn’t aim to talk about marriages in which both sides don’t need sex to feel fulfilled. Instead, it seeks to provide guidelines to partners who are looking to address the lack of sex and how it’s impacting their marriage. 

There are certain things you can consider if you’re in a sexless marriage. To understand how it comes to that, we’ll look closely into the reasons why sex vanishes from most couple’s priority lists and how to put it back there. 

 

Why Sex Matters

One thing that distinguishes a love relationship from a platonic friendship is physical intimacy. However, some couples neglect the physical aspect of their marriage; this is especially prevalent in the early years of a marriage, especially if children are involved.

The importance of sex varies from person to person. There are others who might believe that having a sexual relationship is essential. Some people might think that connections and intimacy of a different kind are more significant. 

In addition to the benefits for you and your spouse personally, having regular sex has several other positive effects on a harmonious relationship. For example, the oxytocin released during sexual activity promotes emotional connection and strengthens bonds.

In a monogamous relationship, having sex deepens your emotional bond and devotion to the other person. Sex as a means of expressing love makes couples more likely to stay together. Sex is positively linked to a decreased divorce rate.

Depending on the marriage, having no sex may or may not be a problem. However, there are ways to address the issue together and individually if a lack of sex and physical closeness is a problem in your marriage. The first step to saving your sexless marriage is to determine the underlying cause.

 

How Do We End Up in a Sexless Marriage?

There are many reasons why some partners stop having sex in their marriage. Despite the pain it may cause you and your partner, you must understand what caused it to find a solution. 

 

Health Concerns

A person’s libido and desire for physical closeness can be significantly impacted by their state of mind and body. Also, health issues and disabilities can interfere with the physiological arousal process. Consider consulting a healthcare professional if you or your partner experience sexual dysfunction that persists for longer than a few months or is causing stress in your marriage.

 

Incompatible Libidos

Sex drive naturally flows, and not everyone has the same degree of sexual desire. When a couple’s sexual desires are not aligned, they may find themselves waiting to have sex until one or the other is feeling particularly in the mood. This will significantly reduce the frequency of sexual experiences in your marriage.

 

Having children

Many medical professionals advise delaying intercourse for at least six weeks, and some women may choose to hold out longer because of their experience giving birth, pain, or overwhelming feelings.

Generally speaking, not having sex just after giving birth wouldn’t qualify as a true “sexless marriage.” However, if it continues, sometimes this is how a marriage becomes sexless after a mother has decided she wants to focus on the family and not pleasure anymore.

 

Stress 

Your desire to have sex can be severely impacted by excessive stress. When cortisol levels rise, sex hormones drop, which eventually lowers your desire for sex. Additionally, if you’re stressed about family, work, or health, sex may not be a priority. 

 

Lack of Communication

It can be challenging to keep physical closeness going when you and your partner are having communication issues. Ineffective communication regarding sex, in general, can affect the body physiologically in terms of lubrication, orgasm, and erectile function, as well as reduce an individual’s desire and arousal for sex. 

 

Saving a Sexless Marriage

In a low- or no-sex marriage, the first step is determining if intimacy is an issue. Whether you and your partner find a low-sex or no-sex marriage problematic is a personal choice.

There is no rule on how many times marriage people should have sex per week, month, or year. Whether you and your spouse are content in your marriage and whether you still feel close to each other are often more significant factors.

Since each marriage is different, try not to compare yours to others. Research has shown that going without sex is more common than you might imagine, even though you may come across marital sex statistics that will suggest a certain number to be able to call your marriage sexually active. 

 

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate 

Discuss the problem of little or no sex in your marriage with your spouse. Even if it could be challenging, this communication is essential. Problems with intimacy and sex can arise in partnerships that are otherwise strong. It’s not always an indication that your marriage is facing a serious problem.

Instead of accusing, ask your partner how they feel about the issues. Would they like to have more sex? What do they need in order for that to happen? Make sure you also talk about what matters to you. Define clearly what sex means to you, and why it’s important to improve that area of your marriage. Being intimate about it may help you want sex again. 

 

Build Intimacy

Consider scheduling more sex if you’ve both agreed. It may not be romantic, but it can be thrilling and unique if done right. You can anticipate something and show your commitment to each other and your physical connection by making plans.

In addition to having sex, it’s critical to look into other ways to develop intimacy, as this is frequently lacking in low- or no-sex partnerships. There is more to physical connection than just intercourse. Try to rekindle your romance and find that unique spark by doing the things you both love. 

 

Consider Therapy

Depending on the underlying problems, seeking help outside your marriage could also be wise. Try attending a workshop, seminar, or marriage retreat to improve your intimacy. 

To address any underlying medical concerns that might be affecting your sexual life, speak with a healthcare professional. Seek joint or individual assistance from a mental health expert to develop communication skills or acquire stress reduction methods.

Should you decide that therapy is the best course of action for you, you might want to contact a trained sex therapist or another counselor who specializes in marital sexual issues. Any problems that are preventing you from experiencing intimacy can be worked through with your therapist. Make the most of these chances to concentrate on strengthening and deepening your marriage.

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.