Fear of Being Alone: Do You Really Need a Partner? 

 

Experiencing the fear of being alone is more common than you think. Though coping mechanisms vary from person to person, this fear may be experienced by men and women of all ages. One person might engage in a series of superficial flings with different people. While another might decide to stop going on dates to avoid getting hurt. 

There is no doubt that this fear can have a significant impact on your life, whether positive or negative. Instead of jumping into tactics to meet new people and never experience this fear again, we’ve decided to take a look at this fear closely to understand what’s so scary about it and what we can do to soothe ourselves when experiencing it. 

 

Why Do We Fear Being Alone? 

Humans are social beings. We are born into our families, we go to school with our peers, and then we socially engage in groups that share our interests or work in the same environment as we do. From an early age, we are looking for a place to belong and are adjusting to different situations in order to be like everyone else. During all this time, we’re rarely taught the importance of being alone.

Alone time is crucial for concentration, creativity, analysis, and so much more. Only when alone are we truly able to think about our decisions, needs, and desires without being interrupted or impacted by someone else. So, what is so scary about being alone? Do we fear being alone just because we’re not used to it? Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. 

As it is with everything, whenever we’re not able to mirror what we see the society around us doing, we feel like we don’t belong. That can lead to stress and anxiety and put additional pressure on yourself. For instance, if all your friends and family members are in long relationships and marriages. You will feel the need to do the same more than a person surrounded by many single friends. 

Besides that, your set of beliefs will be a major determining factor of whether or not you feel the fear of being alone. Certain cultures are more accepting of the idea of people in their adult age being single. While others will put high expectations on young people to get married and have children as soon as possible. 

Lastly, there’s also your personal experience. If you grew up always being alone while your parents were working hard. You might feel a strong urge to fill this void when you grew up. On the other hand, if you were born into a big family, maybe spending time alone was just not possible. So you don’t feel comfortable staying alone now that you’re an adult. 

 

Help! I Feel Alone Again

It’s crucial to differentiate between being alone and feeling alone. Many people feel comfortable being alone in their apartment or going on a vacation. It’s not the same as feeling alone. When you feel alone, it’s an intense feeling of having no one around you. You might feel alone because you haven’t been in a meaningful relationship or because you’re with someone who is unable to meet your emotional needs. 

So, if you feel alone, regardless of your situation, what can you do? The good news is that fearing something doesn’t require a detailed strategy with actions to eliminate that fear in a certain amount of time. Feeling fear doesn’t require you to think about the future to solve it. It requires you to stay in the present.

When you feel alone next time and want that feeling to stop, ask yourself what you can do with that fear. Maybe you can journal about it, paint it on your white walls, express it through your outfit, sing it under the shower, or meditate in silence. Most of our fears result from the unknown. If you get to know your fear, maybe it will not be so scary anymore. 

There are numerous ways you can have a dialogue with your fear, most of which will not require words. If you love cooking, why not prepare a meal that you need when in a state like this? If you are skilled in communication, why not talk to your fear? Give it human-like characteristics, sit it next to you, and ask it questions. You might be surprised by what comes out of that exercise. 

 

Is It Okay to Be Alone? 

Anything that makes you feel positive is more than okay. The most important thing in life is to remind ourselves that all decisions we take should be based on what we need and not what is expected of us. You don’t have to find yourself a partner and start a family just to meet someone else’s expectations. If you feel fulfilled by the life you chose, there’s no reason to doubt it for a second.

However, if you feel the need to meet someone and it’s not happening. It’s completely fine to try different approaches to get a different result. The best piece of advice for someone in this situation is to consider talking to a therapist. When you create space to talk about your emotional needs, you will be able to understand more clearly what you truly want. 

A therapist can help you resolve any traumas that happened in the past and might become more evident once you start a relationship. Also, you will learn to set healthy boundaries in therapy and discover who you are without expectations conditioning you to be someone else. 

 

Final Words

If you fear being alone, it would be a beneficial idea to share it with a friend you trust. Sometimes, our fears become a lot more insignificant when we talk about them with others. This might also help you realize you’re not the only one feeling this way. Being vulnerable in front of people you trust can bring you even closer together. 

Consider therapy if you want your situation to change in the near future or if you wish to understand why you fear being alone. Finally, don’t run away from that fear. If it’s here, get to know it. Don’t forget that what we don’t know has more control over us than the things we do know. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.