Netflix Adolescence: The Conversation We Need to Have

If you still haven’t seen Netflix’s Adolescence, you’ve probably heard other people talk about it. According to Netflix, this TV series had 96.7 million views in the first three weeks, making it the ninth most-watched series on that platform. There are several reasons why this series became popular immediately, yet the most important one is that it invites us all to talk about something taboo—violent behavior in minors.

If you still haven’t watched it, we’ll do our best not to spoil it for you. However, you probably already know what it’s about. A young boy is accused of the murder of a girl who goes to the same school as he does. Unlike any other series about this topic, Adolescence doesn’t pretend to be a crime series in which we’re anxiously waiting to learn whether he did it or not. Instead, we’re invited to learn about violent behaviors between teens, how they affect them, and what impact such a tragedy can have on a thirteen-year-old boy and his entire family.

Adolescent Violence

This series showed viewers that adolescent violence is taboo for some reason. Children feel like they have to hide it from their parents, and the parents assume that everything is alright if their child is not asking for help. The series also addressed the school system’s lack of ability to provide that support to students.

Underpaid educators and overworked parents are struggling with so many issues in their adult lives that the social component of growing up is completely overlooked. Just because a person is a good teacher or a good parent, it doesn’t mean that the child will be protected from anything that’s going on in school. Peer pressure and social media play a giant role in today’s adolescent years. This generation is going through something that previous generations haven’t experienced. Maybe that’s also one explanation for why these kids lack support when they need it the most.

Most importantly, it is crucial to include teens in the conversation about violent behaviors. This Netflix series made that obvious and invited parents to check in on their children and ask about these things. Instead of asking the question, ‘How was school today?’ sit with them and start a conversation about “what was the most challenging part of your day” or “what was the highlight of your day?” Pay attention to their words and the topics they avoid talking about. If you believe that your kid finds going to school stressful, talk to them about visiting a therapist and highlight the benefits of therapy.

How to Talk About Violence With Your Child

If this series has made you realize the significance of discussing child violence, there are several actions you can take to enhance the comfort and mutual benefit of such conversations. You’ll want to keep this conversation going. If you haven’t talked to your child about this before, the first conversation could be longer. But you should ask them how they feel about school and their friends.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Make sure all your questions are open-ended. It’s possible that your child will not feel comfortable talking about this topic at first, and asking yes or no questions might make the conversation short and dry. Instead, ask them open-ended questions and show curiosity while talking to them. To start, you might want to ask questions like:

What is your favorite thing about going to school?
What is your least favorite thing about going to school?
How do you spend your lunch break?
Are there kids who usually sit alone? Why do you think that is?
Is there somebody in your class who makes other kids uncomfortable or sad?

Give them time to respond to each of your questions. When you’ve both decided to stop the conversation, ensure they know that you want them to continue talking about this topic with you. If they have shared something that makes them uncomfortable going to school, follow up regularly to see how they feel.

Don’t Offer Solutions

One of the common traps for parents is offering solutions. When you provide solutions to your kids’ problems, you’re not teaching them to be able to solve them. You are making them dependent on you or someone else later in life. Instead, ask them what they think is the best solution. You can ask questions such as:

What do you think is the best way to solve this?
If this were happening to you, what would you do?
How can I support you and give you what you need now?

If they don’t come up with anything, don’t jump in with suggestions. They could come up with their answer in a few hours or tomorrow. It’s more about getting them to think of solutions than solving the problems they mentioned.

Share Your Experience

Children respond to similar experiences. Don’t forget they only know the adult version of yourself. That is why it’s critical to tell them about your similar experience. If someone made fun of them, share your feelings about a similar experience you had at their age.

Don’t just tell them what happened; tell them how you felt. Sharing your feelings can resonate with a child going through the same situation. Sharing a similar story goes much further than simply saying you understand them. The story can also motivate them to think about how they feel and share these feelings with you.

Keeping the Conversation Open

As we’ve mentioned already, the most important thing to do here is to maintain this conversation with your kid regularly. Let them know they can come back to you anytime with questions or worries. It’s better to have an ongoing conversation than a one-time talk.

Be sure to provide them with an example. You can model how to approach their issues, but don’t offer solutions. Children learn from watching their parents and not just hearing them talk. How you react to different situations and your emotional stability can guide your kids. If you think that situations at school are impacting your child’s emotional and mental health, consider taking them to a trusted therapist.

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