How to Develop High Emotional Intelligence
How to Develop High Emotional Intelligence Without Suppressing Your Emotions
Many people confuse high emotional intelligence with strong emotional control. However, these two terms are not synonyms and can often be more opposite than similar. Emotional control means managing your actions when emotions arise, while emotional intelligence implies understanding which feelings appear and why, and choosing the best way to manage them. In other words, emotional control is an action, while emotional intelligence is a broader capability.
Being a highly emotionally intelligent human means you have healthy control over your emotions. On the other hand, emotional control without emotional intelligence often results in suppressing your emotions and shutting down. This is why it’s important to understand this distinction to better understand yourself as an emotional being.
Definition of High Emotional Intelligence
High emotional intelligence (EQ) involves much more than just control of your emotions. A highly emotionally intelligent person will be aware of their emotions, regulate them, be empathetic toward others, and express how they feel.
Many wrongly believe that controlling emotions, such as by suppressing concerns or ignoring fears, equates to emotional intelligence. However, repressing your emotions or avoiding addressing them can make you less aware of how you feel, resulting in emotional shutdown.
Emotional regulation invites you to recognize what is arising and think about what you need at that moment. For instance, if you notice you feel sad because of something that happened to you during the week, emotional regulation could imply journaling about how you feel, cooking a soothing soup or your favorite dish, or reaching out to a friend to talk about it. One of the most obvious signs of high emotional intelligence is being able to sit with your emotions and not turn them off.
Why Suppressing Emotions Blocks EQ
Over time, suppressing your emotions can reduce self-awareness and significantly affect stress, relationships, and health. Convincing yourself and others that you are always fine can make your relationships less intimate and authentic, causing confusion, frustration, and uncertainty.
An emotionally intelligent person will first feel their emotions and then determine what is the best way to approach them. Sometimes, all you will have to do is satisfy your emotional needs on your own; other times, you will want to address them with others to change the outcome.
Suppressing emotions doesn’t allow you or others to truly understand you. This makes it challenging to maintain both professional and personal relationships and to feel positive about the experiences you have throughout your life.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can you have high emotional intelligence and still feel strong emotions?
High emotional intelligence doesn’t mean feeling less. It means understanding, processing, and responding to emotions effectively. Emotionally intelligent people experience strong emotions, yet don’t let those emotions control their behavior or decisions.
What’s the difference between emotional regulation and emotional suppression?
Emotional regulation involves acknowledging and allowing emotions while choosing how to respond to them. Emotional suppression, on the other hand, ignores, denies, or pushes emotions away.
How long does it take to develop high emotional intelligence?
Developing high emotional intelligence is an ongoing process rather than a fixed timeline. With consistent self-awareness, reflection, and healthy emotional expression, noticeable improvements can happen within weeks, while deeper emotional mastery develops over time.
Steps to Developing High Emotional Intelligence
If you think you control your feelings more than you understand them, you can do things to become more emotionally intelligent. Keep in mind that this is a process that takes time. Giving your emotions space and meaning after suppressing them for a long time could even feel uncomfortable at first. Make sure you are not putting too much pressure on yourself.
1. Develop Emotional Awareness Without Judgment
The first thing you should do when you decide to develop high emotional intelligence is to learn to name your emotions accurately. A lot of people who tend to control their emotions label them as simply “good” or “bad.” There are no bad emotions because each of them gives you valuable information about how you feel at a certain period or in a certain situation.
Start observing your emotions as signals. When you notice an emotion coming up, give yourself some time to see how you feel this emotion in your body. What urges do you feel? How would you describe this emotion? This process will help you build emotional vocabulary as a foundation for EQ.
2. Allow Emotional Expression in Safe, Healthy Ways
Now that you’ve learned which emotion is which, it is time to allow them to express themselves. Many people who start practicing this technique fear their emotions taking over and controlling their behaviors and words. The important thing here is to express how you feel in a safe and healthy environment.
Emotions are energy in motion, which means they need movement. Think about healthy outlets that can work for you, such as journaling, voice notes, mindfulness techniques, and creative expression. The more you express your feelings, the easier it will be to know what you need to support them.
3. Learn Emotional Regulation Without Emotional Control
As mentioned above, emotional regulation is not the same as emotional control. For example, you might have controlled yourself in the past by convincing yourself that you are not under a lot of stress from a busy week. Emotional regulation would involve acknowledging stress and finding ways to feel more relaxed throughout and after that week.
4. Integrate Emotions Into Decision-Making
With time, you will feel more empowered to include your emotions in your decision-making process. Emotions can help you know what you want in life, what habits are good for you, and what you need from your relationships.
Balancing emotional insight with logic and values is a sign of emotionally intelligent people. They do not treat emotional intelligence as an impulse and see it one of the most valuable insights that can help them discover more about themselves and the world they live in.
Signs You’re Developing High Emotional Intelligence (Without Suppression)
Emotionally intelligent people have a few characteristics in common. These signs can be very useful to those who are focused on developing high emotional intelligence and detaching from emotional suppression.
When it comes to the most common signs of high emotional intelligence, look for these:
- Naming what you’re feeling without getting overwhelmed
- Pausing before responding, even when emotions run high
- Feeling emotions fully without suppressing or dramatizing them
- Not taking other people’s emotions personally
- Communicating feelings clearly and calmly
- Recovering from emotional triggers faster than before
- Sitting with discomfort without needing to fix it immediately
- Setting boundaries without excessive guilt
- Recognizing patterns in your emotional reactions
- Feeling empathy without absorbing other people’s emotions
- Taking responsibility for your emotions instead of projecting them
- Responding based on values, not just emotions
- Being less reactive to criticism or conflict
Conclusion
The important thing to memorize about emotional intelligence is that it thrives on honesty, not numbness. Suppressing your emotions means you avoid acknowledging and understanding how you feel about yourself and experiences in your life. Feeling deeply and responding wisely is a skill that allows emotionally intelligent people to achieve great things and connect with others in a more authentic way.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
