Reigniting Passion: With Dr. Amanda Pasciucco and Kara Sundlun
Conversation with Dr. Amanda Pasciucco and Kara Sundlun
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you probably know the feeling – that slow fade where the passion and intimacy just quiet down. Between work, kids, chores, sports, stress, and everything else life throws at us, it’s easy to wonder if this phase is just how it goes. Yet according to my interview with Kara Sundlun, of Kara’s Cures, we discussed that the spark isn’t gone for good. You can bring it back
This interview shared so many practical, realistic ideas that I wanted to pass them along. Here are the biggest takeaways:
Your Bedroom Matters More Than You Think
We discussed that one of the simplest things you can do is turn your bedroom back into a romantic space instead of a dumping ground. That means getting rid of clutter, moving the kids’ photos out, and making it feel like a sanctuary for the two of you.
I told Kara Sundlun that I literally ask couples to send pictures of their bedroom in the first session. The point? If it doesn’t look erotic or peaceful to you, how can it feel that way for you as a couple?
Stop Keeping Score – Give 100%
Many people show up thinking in terms of “I do 60%, you do 40%.” Think of it like“Relationship Math 101,” and that for real satisfaction, both people need to aim for their best, their 100% every day – even if some days that 100% is just a hug.
Little things like a flirty text, picking out something nice to wear for a night at home, or just remembering “we’re in a relationship today” and focusing on the other’s needs and wants can shift the energy.
Many of Us Have a Responsive Desire
A lot of people don’t just randomly feel turned on – many have a responsive desire. It needs a little spark first. That’s why reading a spicy book can suddenly make things more exciting. The key? Share it with your partner instead of keeping it private. Turning solo excitement into something you bring back to the relationship actually builds connection.
Ditch the Tired Date-Night Routine
Forget the “dinner then sex” plan when you’re both exhausted. I told Kara Sundlun that couples ought to be trying morning sex instead (testosterone is higher then) or afternoon delight when they can. I really believe in scheduling couple time.
Block out a few hours where the only goal is to be together. It doesn’t have to lead to sex. Sometimes it’s just cuddling, laughing, drawing on each other’s backs, or talking without distractions. The important part is protecting that time like it actually matters.
Stop Treating Each Other Like Roommates
Living together changes how our brains see our partner – they start feeling more like family than a lover. That’s normal, but you can fight it by:
- Actually turning toward them when they want to show you something (even the 150th dog video)
- Keeping up small physical touches throughout the day
- Treating them with the same respect and interest you’d give at the beginning
Lower the Pressure
One of my favorite things discussed was to stop making sex feel like a performance. Don’t put the pressure on orgasm or “doing it right.” Sometimes, the win is just having those few uninterrupted hours together and feeling connected.
It Doesn’t Go Away With Age
Dr. Amanda was clear: you don’t age out of sex. Plenty of couples in their 60s, 70s, and beyond are having more and better intimacy than when they were younger – especially once the kids are out of the house and they have more time.
Want to learn more? Get relationship coaching with us here! Watch the full video here.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
