10 Signs of Trauma Bonding: How to Recognize It On Time? 

 

Are you looking for 10 signs of trauma bonding to better understand how you connect with others? In this article, we’ll take a closer look into trauma bonding and the common signs you should pay attention to in order to avoid harmful consequences. 

It is most typical for trauma ties to form in romantic relationships, and it can be very difficult to leave these kinds of relationships. Processing emotions following emotional or physical abuse can be challenging and learning how to approach this confusing experience could be crucial for your wellbeing. 

 

What Is Trauma Bonding? 

Trauma bonding refers to a relationship that may develop into an abusive one. We develop a deep bond with someone who is hurting us in this circumstance. This can occur in any kind of connection, romantic or not, and it frequently feeds an abusive and affectionate cycle that is hard to escape.

When someone who is or has been abused connects with their abuser, it’s known as trauma bonding. This relationship is founded on the abuse the individual has experienced or is currently experiencing, be it psychological or physical.

The idea that you may get close to someone who treats you badly may surprise you, yet this is one of the key pieces in the abuse cycle. During the reconciliation and quiet period, the abuse cycle may give rise to a delusion of security (more on that in a moment).

Understanding trauma bonding is crucial when assisting those who have been abused. This is due to the fact that having an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult because it often elicits complex and contradictory emotions.

 

Signs of Trauma Bonding

In situations where the abusive individual never shows you any kindness or concern for your well-being, it’s usually easier to leave.

Sometimes, nevertheless, your partner will treat you nicely in an abusive relationship. They may take you out, proclaim you their soulmate, bring you gifts, or just tell you to unwind. With time, these moments are replaced with worry, anxiety, stress, or different types of abuse. Then, this person will use the same tactics they previously used to win you over and gain your trust again.

Although it might seem complicated to notice at first, there are certain signs that are common in such situations.

 

1.Making Excuses for Your Partner’s Behavior

If you’re trying to justify your partner’s poor behavior with excuses, you might be in a trauma-bonding relationship. Making excuses for their bad temper or lack of commitment is a typical reaction of someone who is bonding in this particular way. You might think you’re actually being supportive, yet if their behavior doesn’t improve, justifying their actions will not benefit your relationship.

 

2.Lying about Your Partner

You don’t have to lie to justify your partner’s behavior. You might also feel like you have to protect their past, their errors, or their intentions for the future. Assuming that other people will not react to it in the desired way, you choose to sugarcoat or completely lie about it. This is especially alarming if you don’t lie to protect yourself yet catch yourself doing it various times for your partner.

 

3.You Don’t Feel Comfortable Leaving

You might know deep in your heart that this relationship is not right for you, yet you decide to stay. Maybe your financial situation is making you feel insecure, or you’re ashamed of being the only single person in your group. Whatever the reason, you decide to stay in this relationship and consider it to be a better option for yourself. 

 

4.You Blame Yourself

If your partner comes home angry, you blame yourself for not being able to help them relax. If your partner yells at you, it’s your fault for aggravating them. You don’t see your partner as a person responsible for their own emotions and actions, so you choose to blame yourself. This often occurs when a victim feels hopeless, so they prefer to blame themselves.

 

5.You’re Trapped in a Repetitive Cycle

If you already know the pattern of your partner’s behavior, you’re probably trapped in a repetitive cycle. For instance, they might start a discussion with you only to later buy you flowers and spoil you with their attention. If you haven’t had many positive moments with them, hanging on to these actions that come after they hurt you might seem like a good thing. However, if your partner only acts nice to make up for the damage they have caused you, it’s a vicious cycle that is not good for either one of you. 

 

6.You Believe Their Promises

Even if you’ve heard all of their promises before, you still tend to believe there is a chance for a positive change in your relationship. You’re ignoring all their actions and only focusing on the idea of a happier future. For this promise to be true, you will need to see their behavior change. It’s one thing to promise to do better and another one to actually prove you’re changing for the better every day.

 

7.You Feel Controlled

When you start a relationship, sometimes it feels good to relax and allow your partner to make most of the decisions. With time, that type of dynamic can lead to them being more and more controlling. They might ask you to stop talking to your friends or family, stop working, or start a family without considering how you feel about it. 

 

8.You Feel Alone

One of the common traits of a person who wants to bond with you is isolation. They will want to isolate you from your friends and family. They do so by spending a lot of time with you or by making you feel guilty for leaving them alone. If your partner doesn’t want you to maintain your friendships, it’s probably because they’re afraid that someone might see right through them. 

 

9.Your Family or Friends Are Not On Your Side

If you’re unhappy in your relationship and can’t talk to your friends about it because they are on your partner’s side, something’s wrong. Many controlling people tend to use the confidence of people in their lives as leverage. In other words, if they have more people on their side, you will look like the ‘bad guy’ to everyone, regardless of the circumstances. 

 

10.You Cling to the Illusion and Not the Reality

If what you want for your relationship is better than what it actually is, it could be a sign of trauma bonding. Of course, it’s normal to experience unpleasant situations with your partner. However, if you feel like your relationship is not providing you with what you need, you might start fantasizing about it. You could think about how they might change one day, whether it’s after they change their job or you get married. Thinking that an external factor will change their behavioral problems will only lead to more despair and heartache. 

If any of these are happening, it may be a sign of trauma bonding. If you need help with how to manage this, please see one of our clinicians. 

 

 

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