Nice Guy Syndrome: Do You Have It & What To Do About It? 

 

If you’ve been told that you have nice guy syndrome, you’re probably wondering whether a blog can help. Perhaps you have dated a few people who have emphasized your niceness, or your friends bring it up when discussing how to find the right person for you. 

What does it mean to have nice guy syndrome? What are the things you’ll need to be aware of when meeting other people and building relationships with them? In this article, we’ll share everything you need to know about the nice guy syndrome and how to use it to your advantage!

 

What Is a Nice Guy Syndrome? 

When talking about nice guys, at least one guy probably comes to mind. The one you felt safe walking home from the bar, or the one who offers to carry your luggage if it looks too heavy. You can count on the nice guy to understand you emotionally. 

If you’ve been described as a nice guy many times, congratulations! Contrary to what many might think, being a nice guy actually means you’re an authentic person who has other people’s interests in mind. Why would anyone want to change that? 

However, if you suspect that the lack of success in your romantic life is due to the nice guy syndrome, don’t panic. We have skills we could work on when approaching other people and trying to establish connections with them. That said, that doesn’t mean that you should stop being a nice man. 

Your prospective partners who are seeking a genuine relationship are undoubtedly not interested in bad boys who fail to contact them after a successful date. Being a nice person is essential if you want to find someone who will be kind to you as well and choose you in the long term. 

 

Useful Tips for Nice Guys 

On a first date, you don’t need to impress someone you’ve just met. Small details like opening the door and being curious to learn more about them are enough. 

Keep in mind that you don’t have to pretend you’re not a nice guy. Understanding the situation and what it requires from you can greatly benefit you. You might have the best intentions to show this person sitting across you that you want to get to know them better, and they might think you’re trying too hard. Avoiding that can help you secure a second date. 

Although everyone mostly talks about the nice guy syndrome when it comes to romantic life and dating, it’s also important to mention it in the context of your professional life. Whatever your job is, it’s crucial to be kind to your coworkers and superiors. However, you also have every right to establish healthy boundaries and be assertive when the situation asks for it. 

 

Too Much of a Good Thing

Just like it is with everything, you can be so nice to someone that it actually backfires and leads to undesired results. If you identify as a nice guy, make sure you become aware of certain behaviors that could be more harmful than beneficial. 

 

Overcompensation

One such behavior is overcompensation. Are you often putting other people’s needs first, even if it’s at your own expense? What many people forget is that being nice starts with yourself. Not taking care of yourself and making sure everyone around you is happy will eventually end in disaster. Don’t forget that only the ones who prioritize their own well-being are truly capable of taking care of others. 

 

Convert Contracts 

When we were kids, we were often taught that good behavior leads to rewards. If that was the case in your childhood, you might expect that people around you respond the same way when you do or say something nice. Expecting that other people respond how you want them to could lead to disappointment. To avoid it, make sure you become aware of your intentions before you act. 

 

Conflict Avoidance

This is one of the most common behaviors of nice guys. They avoid any type of conflict because they fear that someone will think worse of them. They might also avoid sharing their opinions in situations where they’re uncertain how it will result for them. In other words, they prefer to stay quiet in situations they can’t control. 

 

Passive Aggression

We mentioned above rewards for good behavior. However, what often happens when we don’t receive any type of reward is passive-aggressive tendencies. If you expect to be praised for being a nice guy in an environment that doesn’t care about it, you could feel a certain level of resentment. Passive aggression can be expressed in numerous ways, from comments, silence, and ignoring a person to manipulating and gaslighting. 

 

Key to Being Nice

Treat others the way you’d want them to treat you or the way you know they want to be treated. Being kind to people in your life can also teach them to treat you and others better. However, make sure that your behavior is something you feel inspired to do. When you’re kind because you want to and not because you expect something in return, everything becomes easier. After all, the rewards in life are not quite as we imagine them to be. 

When you feel a sense of satisfaction from helping someone or providing support to a friend, what could be a better reward? Be the nice guy who doesn’t care how the environment responds to his actions or words because he’s confident in his intentions. In the end, you’ll want people with the same perspective in your life, especially when choosing romantic partners. Make an appointment with one of our dating coaches to learn more about improving your life today. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

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Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

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