What Does Demisexual Mean & Am I Demisexual?

 

If you Googled ‘What does demisexual mean’ and ended up here, you’re in the right place. In this article, we will explain the meaning of demisexuality, talk about its characteristics, and discuss everything else that is demisexual-related. 

A demisexual person experiences sexual attraction only after developing an emotional bond with another person. You probably came to this page because you are keen to learn more about demisexuality, believe you may be demisexual, or know someone who is. Whichever the reason, you will find all your answers below. 

 

Demisexuality Explained

Demisexuality, to put it simply, is a sexual orientation in which emotional connection takes precedence over sexual desire. Not every emotional bond leads to sexual attraction. For demisexuals, emotions are the foundation of sexual connection. This phenomenon leads to them experiencing sexual attraction towards someone much rarer than other non-demisexual people. 

Because they need to be emotionally involved first, many might consider them asexual. In some cases, demisexuals might even call them asexual because of the rarity of such occasions. Still, it’s critical to understand demisexuality, especially when you want to connect with someone and explain to them your perspective on relationships and connections. 

Another point to distinguish demisexuals from non-demisexual people is their attitude toward sex while dating. Non-demisexual people will follow a set of rules or recommendations when it comes to sex. It might be waiting for the third date or learning more about the person before having sex. 

On the other hand, demisexual people don’t wait for society or themselves to impose certain requirements. In their case, there is a lack of sexual desire until they feel emotionally connected to the person they are dating. If they don’t feel emotionally compatible, they won’t want sex, regardless of appearance. 

 

Are You Demisexual?

Now, you might have an idea why you or many other people feel confused when it comes to defining demisexuality. So, if you’re still not certain whether you or someone close to you is demisexual, answering these questions might help:

• Do you lack an interest in having one-night stands or casual flings with other people? 
• Have you ever felt attracted to someone after having a deep conversation with them, something you didn’t feel before that conversation? 
• Did most of the individuals you found sexually attractive or engaged in sexual activity have close friendships with you? 
• Do people around you sometimes say you’re playing hard to get while you’re actually just not interested?

If you responded positively to these questions, it means that you’re probably demisexual. If you’re not a fan of labels, that’s completely fine, too. Labels typically help identify ourselves and introduce that part of us to other people. Understanding yourself better can help you find the people you can have that connection to more easily. 

 

How Demisexual People Connect with Others

If you’re a demisexual or you’re dating someone who is, it makes sense to learn the pathway to establishing a significant relationship with them. Although there are many similarities with dating non-demisexual people, there are a few things to keep in mind.

Firstly, don’t feel pressured into having sex if you don’t feel ready. People who don’t understand demisexuality might have certain expectations of you. It is up to you to remind yourself that you must first establish the emotional connection and that this process is perfectly normal for many people. 

Secondly, invest in people you have shared interests with, as it will help you connect with them on a deeper level. Having the same hobby, working in the same industry, or growing up in the same city can all contribute to the development of an emotional bond with that person. Otherwise, you might feel a lack of encouragement to go on dates if your experiences have been boring. 

Thirdly, it might be a beneficial idea to connect with other demisexual people. If you live in a bigger city, maybe there’s even an online community with people who feel the same way you do about dating and romantic relationships. Going out with them can make you feel understood without having to explain yourself too much. Furthermore, it can be a connective topic to bond over. 

Lastly, remind yourself of all the perks of being demisexual. If you’re unable to find like-minded people, it can become discouraging to date. However, demisexuality can have several benefits, and remembering that can give you motivation to meet new people. For instance, your relationship could last longer because you’ve established strong foundations for it before taking it to the next level. Also, you won’t waste time waiting to see if the sex is good. Because emotional connection is more important to you in the beginning, you will be aware of everything this person has to offer you and can determine whether they are the right fit for you. 

 

Final Words

Demisexual or not, your sexuality is who you are, and you should celebrate yourself. Surround yourself with people who support you, and you will find it easier to go on dates that are precisely the type of experience you’re looking for. 

It’s also a wonderful idea to learn more about demisexuality, as there might be a lot of what you don’t know. However, if you decide to go about it, remind yourself frequently that how we feel about our sexuality and how our sexual desire arises is unique to each of us. Comparing yourself to others or forcing yourself to do something unnatural won’t help. 

Once you have a clearer idea of what matters to you, it will become easier to pursue it. In no time, you will feel more interested in dating and meeting new people, sharing interests with them, and allowing yourself to enjoy every step of each experience. After all, meeting new people is exciting, and you should make the most of it!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.