Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

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Anger After Sex & 5 Ways To Cope With It

Have you ever experienced anxiety, sadness or anger after sex? As much as it sounds unusual, this is a pretty common condition that might happen to anybody. However, if it only happened once or twice while having sex with your partner, it’s quite different than when it starts happening frequently. The name behind this condition when a person gets sad or angry after sex with their partner is postcoital dysphoria or PCD.

Before talking about the best ways to cope with anger after sex, let’s take a look at what is postcoital dysphoria and how to know if you have it. 

Postcoital Dysphoria

If you’re feeling sad or angry after having consensual sex with your partner, you might have postcoital dysphoria or PCD. Another way to refer to this condition is having ‘post-sex blues’. 

Most people describe it as experiencing one or more negative feelings after having wanted sex. This means that their condition before sex was quite different from the one they end up with after the intercourse. This feeling doesn’t have to be only anger, a person can also experience sadness, anxiety, agitation and depression. 

Keep in mind that postcoital dysphoria differs from sexual dysfunctions as they refer to the stage of before or during sexual activity. People who experience PCD tend to feel melancholic, irritated or depressed after sex. Postcoital dysphoria can also happen after the person has had enjoyed the sex and had an orgasm. Although it occurs more in women, it can happen to both men and women. 

PCD Symptoms & Causes

There are various symptoms a person with postcoital dysphoria can experience. Here are some of the most common ones:

  • Irritability
  • Tearfulness
  • Sadness
  • Anxiety 
  • Depression
  • Unsatisfaction

What’s important to say is that postcoital dysphoria only refers to negative feelings after consensual sex that the person has actually enjoyed. It definitely doesn’t refer to assaults or forced sexual activities. 

Many factors can lead to postcoital dysphoria, and the majority of them are of physical or emotional nature. 

Abuse

If a person experienced sexual abuse in their childhood, it means they might be more at risk for PCD. As a victim of sexual abuse, a person might have difficulties enjoying their own sexuality and connect with their partner on that level. Even if many years have passed, a person can develop postcoital dysphoria later in life. 

Resentment

A victim of sexual abuse might feel resentful toward sex or any sexual experience they had. The feeling of not having complete control over these experiences can cause anxiety and create resentment which then shows after the sex. 

Anxiety

Any childhood trauma might lead to anxiety and depression, and one of the most vulnerable parts of our identity is usually our sexuality. So, having mental health conditions can make it almost impossible for you to take pleasure in the act of sex. 

Postnatal Depression

After pregnancy‌, a woman will still experience hormonal fluctuations which might lead to postnatal depression. Also known as postpartum depression, this type of depression occurs shortly after the person gives birth. Similar to anxiety, postnatal depression can make a woman feel really sad after sex she truly enjoyed.

5 Ways to Cope With Anger After Sex

If any of this sounds familiar to you, what can you do to manage the anger you feel after sex? Take a look at the best ways to cope with postcoital dysphoria and soon, you will be able to enjoy the sex with your partner.

#1 Focus on breathing.

With anything that makes us feel uncomfortable, breathing should usually make it a bit better. So, if you and your partner have just had great sex and anger start kicking in, try recentering and focusing back on your body and simply breathing while doing so. Being present in the moment will help you lower the anger and remove your focus from it until it disappears. 

#2 Communicate during sex.

Make sure you let your partner know if something makes you feel uncomfortable or angry. Don’t ignore it thinking it will go away because it won’t. You don’t have to start a deep conversation during sex, just take control over how you are feeling and ask for what you need. 

#3 Share it with your partner.

If your partner is aware of what you are going through, it will be easier for them to support you. Have an honest conversation on what happens and how you feel during and after sex. This will help your partner to also give you want you might need without you asking it. For instance, they will give you more control in bed or they will be more gentle instead of just fulfilling their needs.

#4 Clarify when you want to have sex.

As much as it’s important to communicate with your partner about the anger you feel after sex, you will need to have that conversation with yourself as well. After all, you are the only person that can change the situation when you start feeling uncomfortable. So, think about when you feel motivated to have sex and always focus on your feelings before initiating it. Think about what causes this anger and find an alternative solution for it. 

#5 Cuddle after sex.

The majority of the postcoital dysphoria causes are from childhood traumas. Not having a caring, gentle component, sex can seem to an abuse victim as something unpleasant. So, suggest to your partner that each time after sex, you stay in bed and cuddle. This will help you feel protected, loved and secured in the arms of a person you love. You can also share intimate moments like this more even when you’re not having sex as it improves intimacy and brings you closer. 

Feeling anger after sex is not untreatable. However, if you and your partner aren’t able to solve it on your own, it would be a good idea to see a therapist who might have a better idea of how you should cope with this. Maybe the causes of your postcoital dysphoria are not what you are assuming and you will need the help of a professional to finally start enjoying sex with your partner. Once you find us what’s causing the anger, the way how you feel about sex and intimacy will change completely as well!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Anger Management Therapy

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Anger Management Therapy

 

To recognize and avoid anger triggers in people, psychologists and clinicians will often recommend anger management therapy. 

This type of therapy serves as a tool to successfully manage your anger and prevent it from affecting areas of your life. The target of that anger might be anyone, from you and your loved ones to a stranger in the street. 

Most of the time, you will find yourself furious over different events you can’t even control. 

So, when does anger become more than just a standard human emotion?  

 

Understanding Anger

We all get mad, and that’s completely normal. 

However, if your anger is misplaced or uncontrolled, then consider seeking help to manage it better. 

When talking about how this uncontrolled anger looks, it’s important to know that it depends on the person. 

Someone will feel furious on the inside, yet people around them will not be able to see signs of anger.

Another person might have a quick temper and they might even exhibit aggressive behavior. 

Although uncontrolled anger is common, it can be quite dysfunctional, especially because those who experience it are not aware of the impact it has on their lives and the people around them.

The reason why anger leads to bigger problems is because at first, it seems effective. 

For instance, you might lose your temper with your team members at work and it leads to better employee performance. 

Or, you might scream at your kids because they haven’t made their bed or brushed their teeth. In these and similar scenarios, you may get what you want, yet not for long.

People will often overlook the long-term consequences when it comes to anger. 

It can easily lead to undesired health effects such as high blood pressure and even an increased risk of heart disease. 

Yet, the most important effect uncontrolled anger will have is on your social life, including your family members, friends, coworking and everyone else close to you. 

 

Uncontrolled Anger Signs

Before talking about anger management therapy, let’s take a look at some of the common signs of uncontrolled anger. 

If you or someone close to you is showing these signs, consider anger management therapy:

  • More than one person has already told you that you have an anger problem.
  • You have distanced yourself from family and friends because of your behavior.
  • There are business establishments or private gatherings you’re no longer invited to.
  • You feel anger most of the day.
  • You often have a grudge or think about getting revenge. 
  • When angry, you act aggressively or violently or have aggressive or violent thoughts. 

 

Seeking Help

As already explained, it’s not so common that a person with uncontrolled anger is aware they need help. Often, they will be suggested to seek help from their loved one, a family member or a friend. When it comes to treating anger, the therapy has proven to be very efficient with most people.

A therapist will treat anger by focusing on cognitive-behavioural therapy mostly. For a person with uncontrolled anger, this means they will learn how to identify patterns that are harmful in any way. This way, they can change their inaccurate thoughts on how anger solves their problems. 

You can even expect to be exposed to imaginary events that usually provoke anger for you, which is known as Stress Inoculation. 

With this method, a counselor can see your anger in action and help you find coping methods that will work for you. 

Of course, the chosen method will depend on the therapist and the client’s emotions. The point is though, that to overcome uncontrolled anger, you will need to dive into it. 

You have to feel it to heal it!

 

Anger Management Therapy

The core of anger management therapy consists of learning how to handle your anger in a positive way. As much as we all want to completely destroy anger as an emotion, we tend to forget that every emotion we experience can be good for us, it only depends on how we react to it.

So, if the coping mechanisms you have are not serving you, regardless of whether we’re talking about sadness, loneliness or anger, you need to change them. To change the way you feel or react when you’re feeling angry, you need to understand what exactly are your triggers and the ways you reach in these types of situations. 

In most cases, you will need a clinician who does anger management therapy with their clients. 

They can help you learn how to manage your anger constructively and positively by staying calm. As it is with everything else that causes dysfunction in our lives, it will take time until you replace your old coping mechanisms with new beneficial ones.

Think of anger management as a new skill you will need to develop. It will require commitment, effort and more than anything else, time to build the patience to manage your anger. Once you recognize the trigger patterns and behaviors that come out of them, it will be easier to be in control of your anger. 

 

Managing Anger Without Therapy

If you are unable to see a therapist, there are still a few techniques that might be useful when trying to manage your anger. Make sure you remember them and use them anytime you start feeling the anger coming in. 

  • Breathe and while exhaling, think of the anger coming out of your body.
  • Do tension release exercises which move focus to your muscles by contracting and releasing them.
  • Start meditating to shift your mind from anger to a more neutral state.
  • Find a channel that works well for your anger such as running or exercising.
  • Boost your creativity with writing, drawing or listening to music as art.
  • Sleep at least six to eight hours because sleep deprivation leads to irritability!

When it comes to anger management, the most important thing to do is not to suppress it. 

Try expressing it from the moment you notice your anger kicking in as it still allows you to be in control. Express to yourself what this may mean for you. 

The more you practice it, the easier it will become. Once you learn how to manage your anger, you will be able to build quality relationships, be more concentrated on your work and lead a healthier life. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

How To Stop Feeling Angry At Your Ex [MANAGE ANGER]

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How To Stop Feeling Angry At Your Ex [MANAGE ANGER]

 

Learn how to stop feeling angry at your ex in this video! Learn how to manage your anger and use our anger management techniques to help you. Get over the past with an ex specifically… or manage the anger that comes up in the moment!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.

Discover Why Anger ISN’T Hot! [HOW-TO USE ANGER EFFECTIVELY!]

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Discover Why Anger ISN’T Hot! [HOW-TO USE ANGER EFFECTIVELY!]

 

So you want to learn more about why anger isn’t hot or sexy?

If your emotional needs are not met, I have created this video on how to understand why you may be feeling anger, and when you are angry, how to use that anger more effectively and to your benefit.

In this video, I’ll teach you how to understand the emotion of anger, break it down for you to understand angry feelings and what to do with them, and stay until the end if you want our new guide to go even further!

Anger is about boundaries and crossing them. Angry is something that often is complex to understand when you are in it, so take a time out!

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexibility multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) who has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists helps all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.