Get On The Same Page and Take a Love Language Quiz!
A love language quiz is a great way to figure out what makes you and your partner(s) feel most loved. The concept of the love languages was first popularized in Dr. Gary Chapman’s bestselling book, The 5 Love Languages, yet the concept of these strategies for connection has been used by couples therapists for decades in one way or another.
A love language quiz can help you if you find your love is a little lost in translation, and it can be a simple way to bring some clarity to how you or your partner interpret love and what you value in your relationships, both romantic and platonic.
So, what are the love languages and what do they mean?
Results For a Love Language Quiz
1.Words of Affirmation
If you desire to be praised, encouraged or told “I love you” regularly to feel connected to your partner, your love language may be words of affirmation!
Text messages telling you to have a wonderful day, compliments on your appearance, acknowledgment of your hard work, and praise for your accomplishments are all things that can make you (or another) feel loved, connected and appreciated.
People who desire words of affirmation may feel hurt or neglected if they do not have frequent verbal (or written) reassurance that they are loved, attractive and appreciated.
Even if their partner feels all of these things towards them, if it isn’t being communicated verbally a person who needs words of affirmation may not pick up on it.
If your partner needs words of affirmation to feel connected to you, try complimenting them more, or thanking them for things that they do around the house, or send them kind or flirty messages via text out of the blue regularly. This includes telling them they are beautiful and sexy! A simple “I love you” is also impactful and a classic if you can’t always find the words.
2.Acts of Service
This may be your love language if you feel most appreciated when your partner does things for you, big and small, or does the tasks they know you don’t like, or find ways to generally make your life better through their actions. Action is definitely the key word here!
Running you a bath, bringing you a hot cup of coffee in the morning while you’re just barely awake, scraping the ice off of your car because they know you hate doing it, driving your mother to the airport- for you, actions speak louder than words, and these are the kinds of things that make you really feel your partner cares.
You can feel let down if your partner doesn’t seem to help out, or if they don’t follow through on a promise. The key to feeling loved for you is that your partner wants to take actions both large and small that will make your life easier or happier.
If your partner requires acts of service, realize that the little things can really add up: a gesture as simple as doing their laundry or making their favorite meal after a stressful day can have a big impact. And of course, grander gestures are always welcome: take their car in for an oil change after they’ve been complaining they haven’t had time to do it, help your brother-in-law move into his new apartment. It is important to your partner that you consistently notice when they are tired, overwhelmed or busy and that you make efforts to help them- without necessarily being asked!
This love language is pretty much what you’d expect- you love getting gifts and treats as confirmation that you are loved! They needn’t be lavish or expensive, sometimes the most thoughtful token is the most memorable.
A small souvenir from a business trip, fresh flowers “just because”, picking up something silly because it reminds them of an inside joke you share- these are the things that make you feel cherished. Of course, a diamond bracelet wouldn’t hurt, yet it isn’t the gift itself.
The thought behind it that makes you feel special.
If receiving gifts is your love language, you may feel let down if your partner “doesn’t believe in exchanging gifts” or only gives you gifts on appropriate occasions like birthdays- and even then, they are impersonal or generic. The important thing is that the gift is an expression of their love- not materialistic bait to keep you hanging on.
Gifts can also represent relationship milestones in your mind, symbols of progress: think a family heirloom making you feel like you’re being welcomed into your partner’s family, or a tiny pair of baby socks to celebrate a pregnancy, lingerie or sex toys to show how desired you are, or a trip somewhere you’ve been dreaming of as an expression of their excitement to go on adventures together. If money is a concern, you may feel guilty for feeling neglected, but gifts can be as simple as a homemade card, some candy or a joke gift that will bring you a laugh.
The love language of quality time is all about giving (or receiving) undivided attention. It is about feeling like your partner actually wants to spend time with you, even if you’re not doing anything together!
Reading books quietly side by side, special date nights on the regular, taking time to check in and be close with each other are all aspects of spending quality time with your partner.
It can be hurtful if your partner is flaky with plans, is distracted or texting during a date or doesn’t seem to be engaged when you’re having conversations. It can make you feel unimportant or like you’re playing second fiddle to other aspects of your partner’s life and they never have time to see you.
If your partner values quality time as a love language, try really paying attention to them when they talk about their day. Ask questions, and put down the phone! Take them on a romantic date, or book a vacation for just the two of you- whatever you can do to show your partner that time with them is just as important (if not more) than the time you spend on other parts of your life such as work or school. It’s not about making your partner your ONLY priority- it’s about making time spent together a priority that you take seriously and enjoy!
The love language of physical touch is not just reserved for sexually intimate moments- it can be non-sexual moments of physical affection, sweet kisses, tickles, or simply holding hands. Of course, sex can be a major expression of love no matter what your love language is!
You can feel rejected if you crave physical touch, yet your partner is shy about holding your hand in public. Similarly, if they only seem to kiss you when being sexually intimate, or if they don’t seem to want sex as often as you do… it can lead to confusing for those who value phyical touch.
If physical closeness is important to you, any rejection of that closeness can really sting, and a lack of connection can make you feel lonely and distant.
If your partner needs physical touch as an expression of love, deliberately look for opportunities to touch them in everyday life:
- stroke their hair
- hold their hand
- scratch their back
- give them a massage
- Many hugs for no reason
- Touch your feet together while you catch up on your tv shows
If they feel like they have a higher libido than you do and need more sexual contact to feel loved, it may be time to evaluate your sexual communication and desires with the help of a registered therapist.
Remember, you shouldn’t feel obligated to have sex if you don’t want to, and they shouldn’t pressure you either!
To be clear, the love language of physical touch isn’t necessarily sexual, so finding ways to be closer in day to day life can be a worthwhile challenge you can begin to explore right away!
After reading about all five of the love languages, you may realize that one or two – or even all five – resonate with you. This is normal!
Most people are a combination of all of the love languages in some way. The key is realizing which language you desire from a partner (and which language they desire from you) to bring clarity to how you communicate and show appreciation, and what your expectations are from loving relationships.
Tip one… start by spending some time together taking a love language quiz!
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