Orgasm Denial – How Not Getting Off Can Get You Off!
Orgasm denial (sometimes called “orgasm abuse”) is sort of an umbrella term for any play- especially in power exchange relationships where orgasm is delayed, deprived, or even then “forced.” We can get into forced orgasm in another blog!
This seems to contradict everything we believe in mainstream society about sexual pleasure – after all, isn’t orgasm SUPPOSED to be the ultimate pleasure during sex?
Turns out, pleasure and pain are two sides of a similar coin, and how we experience both varies widely from person to person.
Both pain and orgasm release endorphins and provide a kind of catharsis, and both involve some sort of tension and release. Pain can even be meditative, much like the focus needed to have or delay an orgasm!
Pain isn’t always physical either. Pain can be psychological, such as intentionally and consensually building frustration or anger.
Orgasm denial play can be a safe and consensual way to explore tension and release – or denying that release entirely.
Lets start with the least intimidating form of orgasm denial: erotic sexual denial. This can range from teasing to edging, or even delaying orgasms as a form of “punishment” and “reward” in submissive/dominant play scenes.
This is a form of play that is easy to incorporate, and an easy introduction to playing with control and domination in a sexual context. Discuss beforehand with your partner what they want to try, or what you would like them to do to you!
- Tickling is a very tolerable tension and release. Decide on a safe word, and have a tickle fight! If you’re both into it, you can play with how much is tolerated, and even incorporate tickling just as the receiver is about to climax for a sort of bait and switch.
- Try edging! This can be done with a partner or solo, and the basic idea is to come really close to orgasm and then stopping just before climax. This can be repeated as many or as few times as wanted, and it can make the final orgasm even more delicious!
What is Orgasm Denial?
Orgasm denial is a form of play where you or your partner are taken right to the edge of orgasm, then never given the release.
If it sounds frustrating, it is, however it can be so much fun if you are exploring BDSM and want to explore an entry level Dom or sub dynamic.
This can get as kinky as you like, and can be a simple appetizer of domination and control, or the entire entrée!
- If you’re new to sub/dom, try using orgasm denial as a small part of a controlled scene. You can even decide that later on, outside of the proposed scenario you will get off- just not during the scene!
- This doesn’t have to even be successful! Sometimes the act of telling someone they can’t cum is enough to send them over the edge with powerful orgasm. You can always punish them for it later! 😉
- Orgasm denial can be as prolonged or as frequent as you and your partner want. Maybe after a single sexual encounter without orgasm you’ll decide to “allow” orgasms next time, or maybe it will never happen until a special occasion or decided event- whatever scenario suits you and your partner! Remember, it is all about the pleasure and pain of frustration and control/being controlled.
- If you are really into orgasm denial and want to incorporate toys, there are chastity devices for penises and vaginas alike so you can physically deny your partner an orgasm. Naughty!
Ask yourself if you want to be playing with orgasm denial!
Ask yourself the critical question of: does my inner Dominant or submissive really vibe with my partners inner Dominant or submissive? Maybe!
Are you ready to learn more and unlock a more satisfying experience?
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.