Things Toxic Partners Say & What to Do About It
There are certain things toxic partners will say, and knowing them might help you react in a more beneficial way. That said, it’s important to distinguish being toxic from being assertive or struggling with other issues in your life. For instance, you are not toxic if you set healthy boundaries with your partner that make you feel safe, yet treating your partner miserable because they are not behaving how you expect them to would be considered a toxic behavior, especially if you’re doing it regularly.
So, let’s look at things only a toxic partner would say and the best ways to react to each type of toxicity. Use them as red flags in your relationship. However, keep in mind that context plays a key role here, and comforting your partner can help you understand their reasons as well.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
When two partners injure one other in some way, whether by intention or not, the relationship is considered toxic. Sometimes, manipulative tactics or intentional abuse in a relationship leave one spouse feeling stuck or worn out. These behaviors were likely picked up throughout childhood or experienced as an adult, and no alternative behavioral expectations have been set.
When a relationship is toxic, it may take time and consideration for the parties involved to resolve their differences and foster greater trust. Others may only be that they are great people individually, yet poor match when together. Although both situations might happen simultaneously, it’s vital to distinguish between a toxic relationship and calling a spouse toxic.
Even while toxic relationships can take many various forms, some indications might include emotional manipulation, mutual contempt, or feeling alone even when you’re with someone. In this list, you will find signs of a potentially toxic relationship:
- One person feels disrespected.
- The needs are not met for one or both partners.
- Communication is a challenge in your relationship.
- One partner gives more than the other.
- One partner feels resentment towards the other.
- The self-esteem of one partner or both is deteriorating.
- One partner feels stressed, frustrated, or scared around the other.
- One partner takes responsibility for the happiness of the other.
- There is an excess of jealousy.
Toxic Phrases Couples Should Avoid
There are certain things you can say to your romantic partner that will not benefit either of you. As something that requires trust and respect, your relationship needs nurturing words and behaviors to grow.
If you wish to stay away from toxicity, the phrases that are mentioned below should not be used in your relationship.
“You don’t deserve me.”
Contemptuous language tells your spouse that you think they are inferior to you. This can lower their self-esteem and interest in being intimate with you in any way.
“Everything is fine.”
Partners are prevented from directly and openly discussing their difficulties by passive-aggressive rhetoric. This makes it challenging to solve conflicted situations and may give both partners a sense of insecurity.
Name-calling reduces a person to a single negative trait. We should all treat one another as a person with various qualities. Whatever the reason, this will not produce anything positive in your relationship. There are other ways to communicate you disagree with how they say or do something, and name-calling is never a solution.
“I hate you.”
It’s harmful to use language that expresses your feelings at a tense, emotional time that doesn’t reflect how you feel overall. Even when you’re happy with your relationship, it overgeneralizes fleeting emotions and breeds insecurity. How can you say that you hate someone and expect them to believe you when you say you love them the next day?
“I want to break up with you.”
Language like “I’m leaving,” “I’m done,” or “I want to break up” implies the end of your relationship can have a negative tool on both your partner and your relationship. If you feel like a flight risk, your partner could find it difficult to trust you, which restricts intimacy. Also, if you threaten to leave and then not leave, they will probably not be willing to talk to you about it anymore.
A Path to a Healthier Communication
Communication is a skill. When communicating with another human being, you should always communicate in a way that benefits both of you. If you both are willing to change, there are ways to improve the relationship. By establishing sound limits and improving your self-awareness, you may manage these relationships more effectively.
Have Long, Honest Conversations
Be honest and direct with your spouse about your feelings and responsibilities. Intimacy between spouses improves by having these discussions on time and dividing the workload. Pick a moment when you are both refreshed so that these talks can be meaningful and productive.
Leave Past in the Past
You can’t go forward if you keep thinking about your past errors. The past is beyond our control, and dwelling on it will prevent us from being present. Spend some time processing the past so that you are not forced to think about it while you try to move your relationship ahead.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions and Words
Accepting full responsibility for abusive behavior is a crucial factor in whether a toxic relationship can change. In unstable relationships, denial is a common trait, and in intervention programs, denial is the primary clinical problem. A person won’t change if they refuse to acknowledge that they have a problem. You both need to be completely honest and accept full responsibility for the hurt you are causing. More importantly, you have to work persistently for a significant amount of time to try and put things right for a relationship to recover. Promises or cheap apologies simply won’t cut it.
Look at Your Partner with Compassion
Despite how difficult it may be, we must remember that our partners are also people, and as such, they make errors and have had relationships before us. It’s critical to keep it in mind and understand their difficulties. It’s crucial to approach your partner with compassion because it enables you to perceive them as a real partner rather than as the enemy. When there is a disagreement, showing compassion can significantly improve communication and make a difference.
Some people find that leaving unhealthy relationships is the best course of action. If your relationship affects your health and well-being, you must do something about it. When there is an abuse of any kind, it’s critical to understand to protect yourself. Seek the assistance of a therapist and create an escape strategy so you can depart securely.
If you have tried couples therapy and believe you have shown patience and made changes and are still not happy, it may be time to leave the relationship. This can be a difficult thing to do and a difficult decision to make. It can take some time to accept the fact that certain people are just not compatible. Whatever your situation is, make sure you do the best for yourself!
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