Why You Need A Sex Coach!
We know it’s tough when you are asking for help with depression or anxiety. At least with that, most people know what to expect when they arrive in a therapy session. But what about when you need help with sex?
Did you miss the “how to have sex” class too? Although you have the desire to have sex and connect, the skills to do so effectively is not something most people do effectively. The truth is that people need to learn how to have great sex. We aren’t all just “born with it” – it is a skill set. Similar to regular life coaching, in sex coaching the client comes to the coach with a sex problem like erectile dysfunction, low desire, premature ejaculation, etc.
A sex coach could help you solve your intimacy problem. Since sex is so shamed in our culture, talking about it or giving explicit instruction on “how-to” still remains pretty taboo. With the advent of porn, adults now have more access to sexual materials yet few examples on how to learn satisfying mutual pleasure techniques. If people knew how to clearly articulate their needs and feelings, maybe being a sex coach wouldn’t be needed.
Unfortunately, most people don’t give good feedback, so many people end up not feeling fulfilled. Believe it or not, sex is learnable and teachable! The best way to learn about it is to get feedback from an experienced, non-judgmental, or cheerleader who is in your corner discussing strategies prior to sexual activity. A sex coach is more of a facilitator than a therapist – talking about future solutions verses the past and traumas.
For all you who are wondering – NO, you won’t have to take off your clothes in the session!
Like life coaches, all experienced sex coaches spend their careers examining research, developing techniques, and learning about the human condition. They use that knowledge to help clients understand themselves better.
To explain what happens when you seek sex therapy, let’s start with the difference between a sex coach and a sex therapist:
Sex therapists have qualifications in therapy (or counseling) and depending on where you live can be psychologists, psychotherapists, or counselors. They are experienced in particular methods of therapy and have specific training and experience in working with psychosexual issues: issues relating to gender and sexuality and sexual problems. Sex therapists spend a considerable time looking at the past in order to help people to resolve issues, figure out patterns and gain the tools to change the patterns.
Sex coaches, on the other hand, do talk about the past, but spend most of the time future oriented. Fun fact! Some sex coaches can have no qualifications at all. It is good to ask the coaches background. Some are psychologists, counselors, ministers, educators, or therapists. They are experienced in helping clients move forward into the future so they can meet the goals they set and create the life that they desire.
Reasons you need to see a sex coach:
- You don’t understand sex. I mean you get it, but you don’t “get it!” When you see it in all the movies, it looks super juicy but in real life is not the same…
- You are out of ideas. You remember when the sparks used to fly in the beginning! But you don’t feel the same way anymore. You find yourself in what looks like a routine transactional exchange. You feel an orgasm… but you don’t feel orgasmic.
- You spend way too much intimate time with your phone instead on your own love life.
Most commonly, my favorite example of what a sex coach can do that a therapist can’t is go with a client to a social event to observe and model behavior.
Sex coaching isn’t just for the sexless. We talk through potential approaches to resolve your challenges in all aspects of your intimate life. The cultural narrative suggests that only a certain type of person would go to life coaching and therapy. I will tell you that being a sex coach and a therapist have taught me that there is no stereotype to who needs help!
Unfortunately, we often see clients with desire diminished due to pornography use, infidelity or emotional affairs, boredom of the same intimate routines, or the comfort of relationship security leading to less quality time due to a focus on other activities.
What happens if I don’t see a sex coach?
- You may not be able to get to your desired intimacy outcomes due to blocks around shame, embarrassment or insecurity.
- Your levels of sexual desire may continue to be vastly different than your partner or what you would like it to be.
- You may be stuck having routine sex your whole life although research would show that this is NOT the pathway to passion.
I’m Amanda Pasciucco and I want to present you to my team of licensed therapists. I am an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and my staff and I provide board-certified continuing education for adults.
At Life Coaching and Therapy (L-CAT) we help you get the life you want, and the results you desire related to passion, connection, and growth. Through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training, we transform intimate lives!