How Often Are Couples Making Love?
How Often Are Couples Making Love?
When it comes to couples making love, it is easy to feel like everyone is doing it all the time. Perhaps you are friends with that ooey-gooey couple who can’t keep their hands off each other, or your sister brags about how her and her husband do it every night- AND her baby falls asleep, AND she’s been promoted at work, AND she works out everyday. It is easy to feel a little bummed if you haven’t been having as much sex as everyone else.
Or at least, how much sex you think they are having! The problem with the above scenario is the constant comparison. You don’t know what issues are lying beneath the surface, if the sex is satisfying, or if it even happened at all! Luckily, a lot of research has gone into couples making love, and sexual habits in general.
What Are the Stats on Couples Making Love?
We’ll cut to the chase- according to The Archives of Sexual Behavior couples are on average making love 54 times per year, which amounts to once per week on average.
Does this seem like a lot? Does this seem like a little? Your perspective on this will depend on your level of sexual satiation, which essentially describes how satisfied you are with your sex life once you’ve settled into a routine with your relationship. Once the honeymoon phase is over (about a year to 18 months or so), you’ve been there, done that, couples will begin to have less spontaneous sex, but their relationship is likely becoming stronger.
In fact, research shows that people in happy relationships have better sex, NOT vice versa.
Better sex in this context means sex that resulted in orgasm- though we know that orgasms don’t necessarily define a satisfying sexual experience! Yet, numbers still seem to come into play. According to Social Psychology and Personality Science, couples who have sex at least once per week are happier with their relationships overall.
If this seems contradictory, it is! Sexuality and sex are nuanced, fluid and flexible- which is why stats can sometimes be confusing when it comes to gauging your own sex life against the numbers.
There are also numerous factors that can affect your relationship- AND your sex life!
Couples making love once per week may be more satisfied in their relationships, however they may have some privilege at play. According to a survey conducted by AARP, people without financial worries who experience a low stress level have the most sex…and the most satisfying sex. Seems a little unfair! Sadly, it makes sense- it’s hard to get in the mood if you are stressed about how you’re going to pay the rent.
What are some other factors?
Age can come into play- from the age of 30 onward, weekly sexual activity decreases with every decade according to The Kinsey Institute in Indiana. While folks under 30 are having sex an average 112 times per year, that number gradually decreases and people who are 50+ tend to average about 52 times per year. Which is still almost once per week- you go, Grandma!
Sex Drive is a factor couples making love must consider. Sometimes, everyone goes through phases of low libido, and this can be due to anything from stress to illness to exhaustion to being busy with other life events like a move, new job or child. If you or your partner are dealing with a lower sex drive than usual, it is rarely to do with their attraction to their partner- so don’t take it personally! Sex therapists can help determine these underlying factors for low libido and help you overcome them.
Values can mean differing priorities when it comes to the relationship, which isn’t automatically a bad thing. If what you both value in a relationship is comfort, stability, companionship, being amazing parents and sex is far down the list for both of you, great! If, however, sex is an important expression of love for one of you and not the other, tensions can arise.
When it comes to your level of sexual satiation, what really, truly matters is how you feel- not some statistic or random number that may or may not work for you!
When looking into your sexual satiation, ask yourself some important questions to determine if you are truly satisfied, or if you’re in need of some extra help!
If as a couple you’ve “been there, done that”, how does that make you feel?
Do you feel:
- Like you have nothing to prove
- Deeply connected to your partner
Or do you feel:
How often you have sex is only a problem if it feels like a problem or is putting strain on the relationship. If you feel cozy, secure and loved, not getting it on can feel just fine. If you are anxious about how your partner perceives you, feel rejected when you make sexual advances or are restless and tempted to cheat, it is a sure sign you are in need of more sexual connection and therapy for an underlying issue as a couple.
If you feel satisfied, loved and like you have good communication, then you shouldn’t need to ask how often are couples making love- just do what feels right for you and your partner!
You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel – The Sex Healer.
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