HOW TO LAST LONGER IN BED – 50 SEX EXPERTS SHARE THEIR TIPS
Experts Take On Lasting Longer During Sex
Lasting longer in bed is a desire of most men. The reality is that it takes much more time for a woman to reach orgasm than for a man. Finishing before their partners can make males feel insecure regarding their sexual performance.
Although the intensity and what do you do during sex is more important than the time length, there are tricks that you can use to ensure that you will last longer in bed.
To give you the best advice possible, we decided to not limit this article to our experience and knowledge so we reached out to 50 sex experts and ask them the following question:
What is your best advice for men who want to last longer in bed?
We received a variety of tips that range from physical exercises, breathing techniques, to dealing with your emotions and improving the way you communicate with your partner.
Keep reading to see what the experts had to say.
Jessica O’Reilly – Sex With Dr Jess
I offer a full online course on how to last longer in bed and overcome premature ejaculation in 6 steps. This involves:
1. Mindfulness practices in masturbation
2. Intentional masturbation to reduce external stimuli
3. Pelvic floor exercises to better understand the muscles that respond to arousal and ejaculation
4. Cognitive-behavioural adjustments to reframe expectations and reduce performance pressure
5. Sex education related to the sexual response cycle and how the body functions during arousal, orgasm and ejaculation
If you want to try an exercise on your own, try basic mindful masturbation:
Touch your entire body for pleasure for 10-20 minutes without trying to reach orgasm. Explore from head to toe. Don’t get hung up on your genitals, but don’t ignore them either.
Tune into your unique responses and physical sensations. What are there textures, pressure, rhythm, movements, temperatures and other sensations you feel in your skin?
Try this every day for a week and see what changes in your body. Can you start to recognize when ejaculation is imminent? What can you do to stave it off? Does slowing down help? How about changing positions or loosening your grip?
Our intention here isn’t to simply last longer, but to enjoy the process. There is no sense in “lasting longer” via distraction that detracts from pleasure; the point is to have the option to prolong the experience and also genuinely enjoy it.
As you tune into your body’s responses, you’ll likely find that your ability to be more present and enjoy pleasure (without worrying about orgasm/ejaculation) increases.
You may also want to experiment with different breathing patterns while you masturbate.
Try breathing more slowly and deeply. Take a big deep breath in and exhale slowly and purposefully; align your strokes with your breath to really slow things down.
See how the sensations and pleasure change as you slow your breath, but don’t worry about how long you last; simply enjoy and observe the process.
Diana Wiley – Dear Dr Diana
My advice for men who want to last longer in bed.
This is a frequent concern in my sex therapy practice. It’s frustrating for a man (as well as his partner) if he ejaculates too soon after intercourse begins.
A woman may want her lover to be able to thrust for a longer time to help her achieve more sexual satisfaction. I have two key pointers for this situation.
First, sometimes just being able to talk about it with your partner can relieve some of the anxiety at the root of the problem.
Performance anxiety releases stress hormones, which play havoc with a man’s sexual response. Repeated experiences can lead to this becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Recognize that this is a couple’s problem—not just the man’s problem. Have some frank and heartfelt discussions, and do some research together to explore the varied treatment options (exercises, medications, counseling, etc.).
Second, see if you can cultivate a playful attitude about the issue. Sure, it can feel devastating at the time, but with help you can make progress. In the meantime, try to lighten up and not take it so seriously.
Sex is not a “job” or a “task” to complete. Relax and enjoy the process. And also avoid blaming each other. Work together and remind each other that this is not really about performance or perfection.
Megan Fleming – Great Life Great Sex
My best advice for men who want to last longer, backed up by Lori Brotto’s extensive clinical research is… to be in the moment, mindfulness, while knowing that the foundation of arousal is relaxation.
In my 20 years of clinical experience in NYC, I can tell you the #1 reason men come to my office is related to performance anxiety.
It can show up in ejaculating sooner than you’d like, finding it really difficult or not even being able to ejaculate with a partner or having difficulties getting or maintaining an erection.
Almost ubiquitously every single one of them was so interested and focused on giving their partner pleasure that they got into their heads and how it’s going to go or fear it will go (I call this anti-fantasy) and well, since none of that is erotic they unwittingly and unconsciously inhibit their own arousal.
Nina Rubin – After Deafeat
If a man wants to last longer in bed, he could wait longer to have intercourse.
Much of the time, sex is considered as intercourse: penis-in-vagina or penis-in-anus.
When also considering oral sex and performing it on a partner, that can be completely satisfying for the receiver and very much a turn-on for the giver.
There are many more sexual activities that will bring both people pleasure and prolong intercourse.
Consider massage, experimenting with kinks, and stimulating your partner.
Dainis Graveris – Sexual Alpha
Stop your lousy masturbation habits. Most men have problems lasting longer in bed because of them. I personally experienced erectile dysfunction in my younger years because of porn overuse. If you want to resolve this issue, stop watching porn. In a few weeks, you’ll notice how sexy and attractive real women become.
Get fit and fix your health. Aside from looking more attractive to women, getting fit boosts your health and improves your performance in bed. Any exercise that elevates your heart rate for at least 30 minutes thrice a week will improve your cardiovascular health.
You’ll also notice how you can stay physically active for longer. Plus, an improvement in metabolism, including blood circulation to your heart, lungs, and (yup, you guessed it right) your penis.
And it’s not just about getting enough exercise. Cut drinking, smoking, and eating junk food. All these will hurt your health and your sex life. Make better health choices if you want to improve your love life and your life as a whole.
Strengthen your PC muscles by doing Kegel exercises. First, you need to know how to isolate your PC muscles. These are the muscles you use to stop peeing, and that’s actually a perfect time to start your Kegels. When you take a leak, stop yourself for 5-10 seconds by squeezing these muscles as strongly as possible and then releasing them.
In two weeks, you’ll notice a significant improvement in your control. You can then do regular Kegels anywhere besides the comfort room. For example, you can do it while sitting at your desk, driving, having lunch, etc. Don’t worry. Nobody will know what’s happening down there.
Do a mix of 30 quick squeezes and releases, followed by 5-10 seconds of holding your muscles and repeating it 5 times. Do this no more than 10 minutes per day.
Do the stop-start or edging technique. It involves stopping all sexual stimulation temporarily when you feel you’re about to cum. Once this feeling has passed, you can go back and stimulate each other. You can practice edging by yourself or with your partner. If you do it by yourself, make sure to focus.
Remember your Kegels? When you edge, you get yourself hard, get close to ejaculation, and squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, and hold it for 10 seconds.
While you’re squeezing, take deep, relaxed breaths. Imagine moving the sexual energy from your penis area to your whole body with each breath. Learn to control yourself as well as be aware of your hardness levels.
Switch positions and mix things up. Learn how your body works so you’ll know what positions make you less aroused and which ones make you cum sooner. If you find yourself getting too close to ejaculation, switch positions. Change the angle or tempo to make sex feel different.
Even if you’ve penetrated your partner, no rule states that you have to stay inside. It can be fun to thrust a few times, withdraw, and use your fingers to keep going. Teasing your partner this way will increase the intensity of the pleasure too.
Don’t be afraid to bring in backup (AKA sex toys). Make things easier by getting some sex toys to help you last longer. For example, when you’re about to cum, you can first withdraw and use a vibrator or dildo on your partner. Doing so helps you go back to step 1 and brings more pleasure to your partner.
When using any toy, make sure you don’t just pull the toy in and out. Instead, let your partner instruct you on the spot and then simply keep pressing up and down or a little bit back and forth. Adding toys to your sex life will not make you less of a man.
There’s still no toy that can replace a man and sensations you can bring with your magic touch, masculine energy, and passionate kisses. Ask any woman.
Anya Laeta – Sf Sex Coaching
To last longer with a partner, you need to learn how to last longer alone.
A lot of men for years “train” themselves to finish within minutes while masturbating.
It’s no wonder that is exactly what their body does in partnered sex.
Allowing yourself to take your time, breathe, and relax more during solo sex, as well as becoming comfortable with edging, will help you establish better ejaculation control.
For a man who wants to last longer in bed do the following:
1. Seek medical advice – Seek guidance from a medical professional to help rule out any underlying medical conditions.
2. Evaluate pornography use – Pornography impacts sexual physical, mental and sexual health in many ways and we aren’t talking about it enough.
3. Get out of your head (meaning your brain) – Use breathing and mindfulness techniques in the bedroom instead of worrying and stressing about lasting long enough.
Maj Wismann – Web Sexolog
As a Master of Sexology and clinical sexologist this is a question I hear many times during a workweek.
If you want to last longer in bed as a man you can focus on the mastery of your excitement and arousal.
This is something you can practice and learn to know your body’s signals.
When you are a Master of your body’s signals you can learn to slow down – move the focus to your partner etc. and in this way you can drag on the ejaculation and orgasm.
Audrey Hope – Ask Audrey Now
For men who want to last longer in bed, they must take a new inner approach to sex, change their perception and RELAX.
You can’t just pressure your sexual organs to make them do what you want. Our bodies need another way to communicate.
For men, it can’t be just about performance, that puts pressure to be superficially “good in bed.”
To last longer, learn self-esteem and not the need to prove yourself.
Get into the way it is making you feel and the joy of pleasing your partner. Have sex because you want to please another and share divine experiences.
Alma Ramirez-Acosta – Vibio
A simple step towards lasting longer in bed is to spend more time pleasuring your partner at the beginning of the session.
It sounds obvious, but it will help even up the stage of arousal between you.
For a more long-term approach, combining breathwork and edging gives great results.
This means that you should practice getting to the point right before climax and stop, take a couple of deep breaths, and repeat this cycle as many times as possible.
Edging helps you understand your body’s arousal journey, from stimulation to climax, and gain control over what you want to happen next or when.
Bonus point, it will give you explosive orgasms thanks to all the build up!
When practicing lasting longer in bed, the most important thing to bear in mind is that it is as much of a physical exercise as a mental exercise.
We often underestimate how our minds take control over our bodies, whether it is in the shape of nerves, low self-esteem or disbelief in our own capabilities.
But doubting ourselves in bed is something we all go through in one way or another – it’s all about unlearning what we think we should be and focusing on turning sex into the most pleasurable, fun experience possible.
Remove the stigma.
Stop getting in your head so much. Remember how your parents would tell you not to lose sleep over a problem, and how relaxing will help?
That advice turned out to be timeless and is actually the key to understanding how you can subconsciously get some control.
Often men are too worried and end up underperforming in the bedroom, which causes greater anxiety and leads you into a downward spiral. Watch out for the signs – and trust me, your partner just wants to help and doesn’t judge you for it.
Practice makes perfect!
Nobody expects you to turn into a rowdy porn star overnight. Foreplay is your best friend, so take your time to really study your partner.
Consider using a thicker condom to decrease sensation and practice building control by stopping just before ejaculation and waiting 10-20 seconds, taking deep breaths, and squeezing the head.
Expand your definition of sex.
There’s a lot more to intimacy than just vaginal sex. In fact, that’s just a small part of the overall experience, so why not try to mix things up?
Communication with your partner is key – so work together to see what else works for you.
A lot of my clients enjoy watching new types of porn together and discover something they’ve often never even thought of! Be brave, be curious, and be unexpected!
Sonya Schwartz – Her Norm
I’ve been a relationship expert and I can say that there are indeed people that are concerned about how fast they end sexual activity.
This scenario sometimes creates conflicts in relationships saying that their partners are being unsatisfied with their performance in bed. But there are things a man can do to make it last longer.
One of the best pieces of advice that I can give is to keep exploring different positions. Switching and changing position can help you prolong it.
This also gives you time to rest your penis and calm it to prevent reaching the climax that instant.
In between changing positions, try to calm down and postpone it. In this way, you don’t need to risk the moment and cut the pleasure that your partner is having.
Moreover, switching and changing positions can increase intimacy during sex.
Your mind will as well be more focused on the position and on keeping your balance while in it. This also adds wilderness and playfulness during sex. It will eventually contribute to happier intercourse.
And besides, exploring different positions is what increases excitement and interest during sex. This will prevent both of you from being bored in a single position.
Tyler Dårlig Ulv – Bad Wolf
Often times the root of insecurity about lasting “long enough” or “performing” for men is found in the toxic upbringing lots of guys came into adulthood with.
Those things—especially the idea of having to perform—create anxiety and stress that doesn’t make sex better and enhances worry (and sometimes the likelihood of erection problems).
Instead of fixating on how looong you’re lasting, reframe how you approach sex time. So you cum real quick. Ok. Can you cum again in 30 or 40 minutes?
Awesome! Stretch your session across that span and focus on your partner while you’re recharging. Two loads is always more fun than one.
Can’t cum again for a long time? Begin doing some internal work about why sex ends for you once you bust. Consider talking with a therapist about it. Seriously!
Why does your orgasm mean it’s over? If you know how your body/penis will likely respond, plan ahead. Dive into what your partner wants with toys, tools, or your whole face, once your boner is out of the equation.
And lose the idea that there’s a “right” amount of duration for sex. That’s a myth perpetuated by sitcoms, movies, and the high fantasy of pornography. It’s not making you better in bed, or giving anybody else any pleasure. Bin it.
Raffi Bilek – Baltimore Therapy Center
One way to extend your time spent loving is to focus your attention on your partner’s pleasure.
Make sure they’re enjoying what you’re doing, and pay attention to whether they want more of this or less of that.
The more focus you put on your partner, the less focus you’ll have on your own sensations, and the longer you’ll be able to stick it out taking care of their needs.
For men that want to last longer in bed, I would recommend experimenting with edging and orgasm control.
Edging is a technique where you get close to the point of orgasm then back down and do not allow yourself to orgasm. Then keep repeating until you are ready to orgasm.
This also helps you have more intense orgasms when you do finally let yourself have an orgasm. You can be do this solo or partnered, whatever suits your desires.
Dr. Betsy Greenleaf – Greenleaf Be Well
Performance concerns are high amongst men. My biggest advice before trying blue pills and enhancement procedures has to do with muscle strength. We start to lose 3-5% of muscle mass yearly after the age of 30.
Though many go to the gym, most people forget to do exercises to strengthen their pelvic floor muscles.
It is the pelvic floor muscles that give us ( men and women ) the ability to enjoy sexual activity, lengthen our sexual response, and increase the intensity of orgasm.
Simply starting with Kegel exercises and making a habit of continuing these exercises throughout life.
Kegel exercises can be performed by envisioning tightening your pelvic floor muscles…..these are the muscles that are used to hold in urine, gas or stool.
Tighten for the count of 10 and then relax and repeat for 3 more sets. You can also do an exercise called “quick flicks.” Tighten the same muscles quickly and then relax 10 times in a row and then repeat 3 sets.
Abductor machines in the gym, or rolling up a towel, or placing a ball between the legs while seated in a chair and squeezing can also strengthen these muscles.
Kegels are my biggest secret that anyone can do anywhere. Strong pelvic floor muscles will improve your response, performance and make your partner smile.
When my male clients ask about sustaining their sexual performance, the most significant suggestion I offer is for them to focus on their partner’s pleasure rather than their own.
By concentrating on the feedback a partner’s reactions are providing, a man shifts his focus from his own pleasurable sensations to those of his partners.
His thoughts are centered around listening to the feedback, and adjusting technique to get responses which signal a better experience for the partner.
For some men who need a specific objective, I encourage them to discover or learn one new thing about their partner’s sexual response or sensual preferences each time they engage in physical intimacy.
Having a clearly defined objective often provides that appropriate “distraction” to stay engaged longer.
Because he is no longer focused on his own physical sensations or his own increasing sexual response, he is able to last longer in bed.
It is beneficial to both individuals because it allows for more playtime, the partner is fully cared for, and the man learns more about his partner’s preferences, enjoying the partner’s experience until he is ready to return his attention to his own fulfillment.
Lasting longer in bed is about quality of presence, breath, and relaxation.
Contrary to popular advice to “think of something else,” cultivating stamina and a high-level of sexual mastery requires: tuning into the subtleties of how your sexual energy is moving, knowing where your edge is, and maintaining awareness to ride that edge without slipping over too soon.
If you’re in your head fantasizing during sex you’ll likely push over your edge faster or distract yourself from tracking your edge and disconnect from your lover.
Anything that takes you out of your body and into your head diminishes your presence and performance.
When approaching orgasm most men breathe shallow and rapidly which squeezes out sharp, short, explosive orgasms.
Slow, deep belly breathing calms the nervous system and relieves tension in the genitals which spreads pleasure throughout the entire body.
This supports greater stamina, deeper, longer orgasms and allows multiple full-body, non-ejaculatory orgasms to happen without a refractory period or loss of erection in between.
Dr. Stephanie Buehler – Learn Sex Therapy
One thing that rarely gets mentioned in regard to rapid ejaculation is the need to learn how to relax and tune in to one’s physical sensations and one’s partner’s sexual needs.
Becoming hyper-focused on lasting longer caused a man to lose his connection with the entirety of his body.
All he feels is the sensations in his genitals, instead of noticing all of the pleasurable things happening—the quickening of the pulse, the tensing of muscles, and the tautness of the skin.
He also loses his connection to his partner, who may complain that he is “selfish,” even though he is trying so hard to have longer intercourse.
There are different ways to learn relaxation, of course, but the easiest is to try regular deep breathing.
There are applications to remind you to breathe, and applications to help you regulate your breath. Deep breathing helps to calm both the body and the mind.
Then, when a man is having sex with their partner, they can use the breath to help regulate and slow things down.
Then they can pay attention to something besides his penis, and stay confident about having intercourse while they connect emotionally with their partner, instead of worrying about this being a distraction.
Rebecca Blanton – Love Letters To A Unicorn
Many people believe that the longer penetrative sex lasts, the better the sex must be. This belief is fostered by popular culture representations of “great sex” lasting “hours.”
However, when marriage and sex therapists were surveyed about what client reported was a satisfying or desirable length for penetration, the time ranged from seven to 13 minutes.
Many reported that people having as little as three minutes of penetrative sex reported it being adequate.
Additionally, more than a third reported that sex lasting more longer than 10 to 30 minutes was “too long.”
My question for people seeking to “last longer” in bed would be, “What is your motivation behind this desire?”
If the motivation is a belief that you just don’t last “long enough” or that lasting longer would make you better in bed, I would suggest you are looking for solutions in the wrong place.
If you and your partner(s) are enjoying the length of time you have penetrative sex, there is no need to increase you duration.
If you do not know if you partner(s) are enjoying the sex you are having, it’s time for an honest and open conversation about your sex life.
If your motivation for increasing your sexual stamina is because you are trying to help your partner reach orgasm and your current stamina does not lead them to climax, the duration may not be the issue.
For many women and people with vaginas, penetration alone will not lead to climax. Most folks with a vagina need stimulation of the clitoris, the nipples, or other erogenous zones to reach climax.
If your partner(s) have a penis, the slowness to climax may be due to discomfort (add lube! Go slow) or need for additional penial or ball stimulation.
If your motivation for increasing your sexual stamina is to prevent the end of the sexual encounter too soon, your climax does not need to signal the end of the encounter.
You have a mouth, fingers, and can introduce toys and other sexual stimuli to continue sex even after you have climaxed.
If you are among the approximate 4 percent of men who climax prematurely, you may want to consider various techniques for delaying orgasm.
To qualify medically as someone who experiences premature ejaculation, you must meet these criteria: climax within one minute, this has happened for at least six months, you find this distressing, and there are no other medical reasons for early ejaculation.
These techniques can be used by anyone seeking to increase sexual duration.
Edging is a technique any gender can use to help delay orgasm. This involves stimulating penis (or genitals) until you feel close to orgasm and then stopping.
Practicing this repeatedly can help some people delay orgasm. It is also very fun to engage in with a partner. Bring you partner close to orgasm and then stop.
Doing this repeatedly before climax can lead to enhanced orgasms for many people.
Hypnosis, either by a professional or learned with a partner, can help delay ejaculation. There are several prominent sex educators who regularly teach classes on hypnosis and how to use it for intimacy.
Take a few classes on hypnosis and sex. This can be a great option is you have a partner you trust to practice with.
Condoms are a tried-and-true technique for many men in delaying ejaculation. If you are not currently using condoms with a partner, discuss adding them to your intimate encounters.
The additional layer between you and a partner can lessen sensations and delay orgasm.
Sexual preferences matters to some but not all couples.
Understanding why you are in a relationship and whether that is an important component to you is first and foremost.
If it is, seek help from a sexologist to learn some skills to apply in the bedroom and level up your sexual prowess.
If you aren’t able to collaborate on your sexual preferences and it’s a non-negotiable for you, say goodbye and move on to your next partner.
Erin Dierickx – Erin D Therapy
The Stop-Start and Squeeze techniques. While in bed, you or your partner can begin stimulating the penis with a dry hand, lightly and slowly. Do this until you have a firm erection.
When you start to get close to ejaculating, signal to your partner to pause stimulation or squeeze the penis.
This increases your awareness of when you are about to ejaculate and can start to build a tolerance to last longer the more this is done.
Take turns pleasuring each other.
Focus on each other one at a time in order to heighten your enjoyment of the pleasure and focus on the sensations. This is a form of mindfulness in bed.
It is a way for you to stay present and by taking turns, this helps you last longer due to pleasuring your partner while you are pausing your own stimulation.
This will continue to build your tolerance over time for lasting longer.
Get on the bottom. Men are physiologically more able to control their ejaculation when they are on the bottom rather than on top during sex.
Lachlan Brown – Hack Spirit
My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is to combine effective mental and physical techniques.
On the physical side I’d recommend pelvic floor exercises, healthy diet and reducing the amount of red meat you are eating.
On the mental side, I’d recommend taking things slow in the bedroom and appreciating every inch of your lover instead of going straight to the “main course.”
This will slow down the idea of sex as some kind of prize or being all about the climax.
In sex, as in life, it’s the journey that counts more than just the destination.
The easiest way for men to last longer in bed is to change the way they view sex, we put so much focus on foreplay and orgasm we forget the depth and fun that we can experience in the middle.
You see, subconsciously we know the orgasm feels amazing and we just want to get there! Especially for men because they are so goal oriented.
We have a natural desire to speed up when we get excited, but instead we need to slow down and come back to the breath.
Learn to tap into the energy of your body and you can redistribute the energy from beyond the penis and move it throughout the body.
The key is to not contract the muscles and relax the muscles, this opens us up to not only lasting longer in bed but better orgasms.
Be patient with it and it requires presence and it’s so worth it.
James Kelly – Ed Clinics
Premature ejaculation (PE) can often be a problem for men who have erectile dysfunction (PE).
Since an erection goes away after ejaculation, it can be difficult to know if the problem is PE or ED.
Erectile dysfunction affects over 66% of men at some point in their lives, and becomes more likely with age.
If you are experiencing both the symptoms of ED and PE, it’s important that you speak to your doctor about the ED first, as for 90% of men over 40, it can be a symptom of an underlying health condition, most commonly cardiovascular disease or diabetes.
Your doctor may suggest lifestyle changes, medication, or treatments like shockwave therapy for ED. Once you have treated the root cause of the ED, you may find that the symptoms of PE disappear.
One simple action you can take at home to combat both the symptoms of ED and PE is pelvic floor exercises. These train the muscles that keep blood in the penis, making maintaining an erection and delaying ejaculation much easier.
Pelvic floor exercises are simple, and the easiest ones can be performed sitting at a desk.
- Tense your muscles around the lower base of your penis, as if you were trying to stop urinating.
- Hold for five seconds.
- Repeat for five sets of ten, twice a day.
As a pelvic floor physical therapist, I recommend two simple exercises to increase orgasm control.
1. The first exercise starts outside the bedroom.
Start by gently tightening your pelvic floor muscles as if you are stopping the flow of urine. You should feel a lift or squeeze around your penis or perineum.
Next, take a slow deep breath into your belly. Pay attention to your penis, testicles, and/or perineum as you should feel a slight drop with inhalation.
This is relaxation and lengthening of the pelvic floor muscles that control erection and orgasm. It is important that you feel and control these motions inside and outside the bedroom.
Practice these motions in your daily life but also when you engage in sex.
2. Becoming familiar with your arousal spectrum and learning to control your orgasm is essential to lasting longer in bed.
Consider your arousal spectrum to be a 10 point scale. 0 is the equivalent to no sexual arousal while 10 is maximum sexual arousal and/or orgasm.
As you spend time with yourself and/or your partner, practice working your way up the scale and how your body reacts at each number.
When trying to last longer in bed, the aim is to stay around a 6 – 8 on this scale.
As you approach 7-9 on the scale, communicate the need to change things up with your partner such as changing positions, rhythm, and stimulation style to bring it back down to 6-8.
Stephanie Wijkstrom – Counseling and Wellness Center
If you are concerned about being an adequate lover and want to fulfill your partners sexual needs, you do not necessarily need to be able to offer 30 minute sex sessions.
It is a cruel joke by nature that women take up to 20 minutes to reach orgasm and up to 9 minutes to reach full arousal, but men can reach arousal in under a minute and orgasm in 2-5 minutes.
Any true renaissance man can bridge this gap to greater sexual intimacy by offering more foreplay.
Keep in mind, 20 minutes of foreplay is worth 5 minutes of penetrative sex. Let there be a long build up as the key to helping your partner achieve orgasm.
Edwina Caito – Bedbible
There are a few ways for a man to last longer in bed, however, it depends on how far he is willing to go in order to achieve that longevity.
Other than thinking about baseball or great-aunt Ethel, here are some helpful tips:
Go slow: Slowing things down by prolonging foreplay, taking small breaks for water then starting in lesser-exciting sexual positions.
For instance, if he climaxes more quickly in the doggy style position, try spooning or missionary first.
A little help from a toy: Erection rings are an easy and pleasurable way to last longer in bed.
An erection ring is placed at the base of the penis or around the shaft and testicles. This creates a stronger erection, makes the penis more sensitive and delays ejaculation making sex better for both partners.
Best yet, some erection rings come with built-in clitoral stimulators! Who knows, you may climax together!
Practice makes perfect: You would think that masturbation is counterproductive.
But masturbating earlier in the day, before sex, can actually help in delaying climax later.
Some men have found great success using Fleshlights made specifically for building endurance (Stamina Training Kits), as well as penis pumps and erection rings combined.
Dr. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn – Luvbites
Last longer in bed with sexual mindfulness and tantric sex practices
In my years of researching the key to maximum and sustainable sexual satisfaction I found that sexual mindfulness is the most promising contributing factor for men to last longer in bed.
Sexual mindfulness therapy is already being used to treat various sex concerns including sexual desires, erectile dysfunction, and other sexual functioning. Tantric sex is more on a spiritual than scientific path, but both are similar.
To last longer, I recommend sexual mindfulness and tantric sex practices such as sensual meditation and edging.
Use guided meditation and touch to do sensual meditation. Don’t pursue if you get an erection.
Edging is when you’re about to cum and you stop (whether you’re having sex or masturbating). These practices should help you last longer in bed!
Most men’s sexual encounters start with anxiety and end in an oops!
These men are then diagnosed with premature ejaculation as the problem. I see their problem as simply being a lack of education and training.
These guys may place the blame on the woman that they are with… she gets him too excited. Or they may place the blame on being uncircumcised.
But I see the problem as how you are training yourself. You must understand that each time you self pleasure, you are creating neural circuitry in your brain and laying down tracks that create a habitual response.
If self pleasure is a quick stress reliever then that is how you are programming yourself.
Slow down and take your time during self pleasure.
Because ejaculation is an involuntary response of the sympathetic nervous system you’ll want to combine masturbation with meditation by breathing deep, full and slow all the way down into your belly…this will put you in a state of relaxed arousal.
During self pleasure shift your context from “getting off” to preparing to be an amazing lover.
The reasons to why a man may struggle to last long in bed can be because of many different issues, but one general shift a man could try to work on would be to truly be present in the moment and noticing the details of the experience.
Particularly the details of their partners experience as opposed to their own.
When there is a shift from a physical experience alone to a spiritual level and a connection between partners, it is often an entirely different experience.
Here is some advice to help men last longer in bed:
- Masturbate a few hours before you plan to have sex. This will help you last longer because the penis is desensitized. Unlike women, men need a longer refractory period – from a few minutes to a few hours.
- Use a Trojan Extended Pleasure condom. It contains a small amount of climax-control lubricant, which decreases sensitivity and slows down ejaculation.
- Try edging (intentionally stopping yourself right before the point of orgasm and then starting up again). It prolongs pleasure as well as the duration of sexual activity.
- Slow down. Focus on pleasuring your partner first and you last.
- Squeeze the head of your penis for 10 to 20 seconds if you feel you are ready to ejaculate. The pinching will reduce your erection and help you last longer.
- Try a penis sleeve. Some sleeves lessen sensation and help you last longer.
- If your partner is a woman, have her on top and facing away from you. This “reverse cowgirl” position allows the woman to stimulate her clitoris and climax before you.
- Use Trojan’s new Extended Pleasure benzocaine delay spray, an endurance enhancer that temporarily prolongs the time until ejaculation. Apply a small amount to the head and shaft of the penis before intercourse. It can be used with Trojan latex condoms.
Indigo Stray Conger – Choosing Therapy
Practice lasting longer on your own, especially if you tend to masturbate to climax quickly.
Stimulate your penis as you typically would and then try to pause multiple times once you arrive at a high excitation point.
Learn to extend the period of excitation before release. This is called edging or orgasm control and it is the best way to learn how to improve performance during sexual activity.
Men who orgasm quickly often feel as if they have no control over the excitation process or when they orgasm.
However, climaxing quickly is usually the result of habit and can be overcome by paying attention to your body’s excitation cycle.
Amanda Pasciucco – Life Coaching and Therapy
My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is to notice the difference between penetrating a mouth, vagina, or anus vs that of a hand or a sex toy.
Solo sex is different than partnered sex. If you are having partnered sex, chances are the orifice you are penetrating feels different than that of your hand.
Be mindful and switch up your hand techniques.
Similarly, if that isn’t enough, be aware that using a condom is not something to be ashamed of. It helps many men last longer and therefore, I know men who decide to wear them for this reason.
Andrew Aaron – Help For Passion
Most men want to be great lovers. For that purpose they wish to maintain erections as long as possible.
Strategies exist to succeed at that, but lasting longer is also possible by holding realistic expectations and eliminating some obstacles.
Confident men who know their feelings, who are able to relax and enjoy a quality emotional connection with their sexual partners will have greater success.
So eliminating anxiety, like the kind produced by worry about too-soon ejaculation, as well as internal pressure to perform promotes lasting longer. Sex is a very emotional activity!
How can I use my hammer to produce a butterfly? Many women do not orgasm from intercourse (though many fake it).
The hardest erection and the most vigorous thrusting still may not result in her orgasm because intercourse doesn’t provide clitoral stimulation. Being realistic about this is important.
Talk to your partner. To last longer it is best to be relaxed, playful and have fun during sex. To do so, stay out of your head (the big one, I mean). You may shift your attention to slow your pace towards ejaculation.
If you are getting too aroused, move your attention to away from the sensations that are most arousing, such as your penis and to a less arousing place or activity like caressing or kissing your partner.
Where your attention goes, there also will go your hot sexual energy. So if you are speeding to orgasm before the time is right, shift your attention to your breathing or other body sensations instead of the exciting action.
Requesting a change and reduction in stimulation from your partner at this time can help. When orgasm grows near before the right time, you will notice the heat in your pelvis and penis.
Through visualizing the hot energy flowing out of your pelvis and spreading throughout your body you will cool your pelvis, interrupting it from building to an explosion through ejaculation.
Getting good at lasting longer can help you be a better man in every part of your life.
Rachel Sommer – My Sex Toy
While we can’t shun away from the excitement and adrenaline of quickies, sex should be, for the most time, enjoyed without time constraints.
Unfortunately, certain factors like age, disease, medication, and anxiety might lead to premature ejaculation.
So, here’s my best advice for lasting longer in bed: Train Your Pelvic Muscles Located just below your prostate, the pelvic floor is vital in sexual stamina training. Yes!
A 2005 study, among others, found that 3 in 4 men improved erectile function after Kegel exercises.
Strengthening the pelvic floor – pubococcygeal (PC) muscles help you control yourself during sex to withhold the urge to orgasm, thus delaying ejaculation.
And the best thing about it is just like every other muscle in your body, these muscles can be strengthened with regular exercise.
To work out the pelvic muscles, simulate the act of stopping yourself from peeing midstream or passing gas, and you’ll feel the muscles between your penis and rectum move.
You can also identify the pelvic floor muscles by trying to lift your balls without using your hands. You feel them. Don’t you?
And to tone the muscles:
- Tighten the muscles – standing, sitting, or lying down.
- Hold tight for 3 seconds before releasing for another 3 seconds.
- Repeat as many times as needed – at least 10 reps a day. Kegel exercising combined with other tactics like switching positions, wearing the right condoms, and edging can make a great difference in your sex life.
Samantha Moss – Romantific
Since women take a longer time to orgasm, men need a lot of stamina to last longer in bed. As a dating and relationship expert, factors like inexperience, overstimulation, and anxiety may cause premature ejaculation in men.
However, these concerns can be addressed, and doing so can lead to happier, healthier sex life.
Take it slow. To help your partner last longer in bed, ask him to take things slow. This gives him enough time to stimulate you and slow down his ejaculation.
Pacing himself can also help, starting with slow thrusts that gradually increase into faster ones.
Change positions. Shifting positions requires you to take a break and slow down movements. It allows your body to cool down because it doesn’t get as much stimulation.
A great tip would be to switch to positions that don’t penetrate as deeply, giving you more time to last in bed.
Talk to your partner. Getting support from your partner is the best thing to do under the circumstances. Being open and honest can do a lot of good for your relationship, as well as improve intimacy.
Explain to your partner your desire to last longer, so that they can understand what’s happening.
Most men contract their bodies during arousal (whether clenching their buttocks, thighs etc) and amplify this even more hoping this will help them last longer in bed.
If you want to last longer, put your attention on relaxing and enjoying the pleasure in the moment rather than focusing on the goal of lasting longer.
Men can be worried that if they relax into their pleasure they will ejaculate more quickly however with practice they will find that it is in relaxation that their pleasure can expand and grow and they last longer.
This is best explored on your own at first.
Also, be mindful of your breath – is it shallow? are you holding your breath at times? Both are very common.
Take slower and fuller breaths and make some sound, even if only on the exhale. It helps you to relax.
Kate Sloan – Girly Juice
Best advice for men who want to last longer in bed: Take a break and do something else.
The majority of people with vulvas don’t reach climax from penetration alone anyway, so if giving your partner pleasure is the goal, penetration isn’t always the right thing to focus on.
Try stopping what you’re doing and giving your partner oral sex for a while instead, or using your hands on them.
Michelle Devani – Love Devani
As a relationship expert, I understand it’s normal for guys to finish too fast every once and a while, however if you ejaculate during less than a minute of intercourse regularly then you may have a problem.
If you’re having trouble finishing so soon, seeking the help of your spouse might be really beneficial. To initiate, inform your spouse that you really want to attempt lasting longer and see if they are willing to take part.
Additionally, because hypersensitivity can cause sexual dysfunction, using a condom is a simple treatment that can help sex lasting longer.
The condom serves as a barrier around the penis, lessening orgasm and possibly causing ejaculation to be disrupted.
The pause-squeeze method also helps sex last longer, having sex till you feel like you’re about to get done. Then, for a second, pull out and squeeze the head of your penis, or until the urge to ejaculate subsides.
Finally, continue to have sex as needed while repeating the method. Thrusting aggressively produces orgasm in a short period of time.
Positions and styles that restrict your movements, such as having your spouse on top of you, can be beneficial since you won’t lose control and start thrusting too fast.
April Maccario – Ask April
It’s humiliating, it’s unexpected, and it turns what should be one of life’s greatest joys into one of life’s greatest disappointments, but as the founder of a dating website who understands relationships, it’s both frustrating and common among men.
There are several smart and healthy strategies to reduce your premature ejaculation and extend your time in bed.
The following tactics will boost your chances of being able to have longer sex sessions than you’re used to:
Seek assistance from your partner. This may help your partner understand your frustrations.
Once you’ve established a line of communication with your partner, you may talk about what causes your orgasm and try out some techniques.
Do pelvic floor exercises. Experts feel that if your pelvic floor muscles are too weak, delaying your ejaculation would be more difficult.
Act as if you’re attempting to stop yourself from peeing or passing gas to flex your pelvic floor muscles, and notice which muscles move.
Do the slower pace. Slow down as much as possible, then take frequent breaks to go even slower.
Thrusting frequently produces intense sensations and may increase your chances of orgasming after a short period.
Nikolina Jeric – 2Date4Love
Here are some tactics that can help men last longer in bed:
Practice Kegels exercises.
Unlike common opinion, Kegels exercises aren’t for women only – men also have pelvic floor muscles that can be built and straightened.
The point is – if your pelvic floor muscles are weak, you’ll have a hard time controlling premature ejaculation. If you work on building muscles in this area, you’ll have more control over your ejaculation and last longer in bed.
One way to practice Kegels exercises is to lay down and flex pelvic floor muscles for 3 seconds and relax them. Repeat this process a few times for maximum results
Try the cowgirl position.
If you haven’t tried, maybe it’s the right time to practice more the cowgirl position. The secret hides in the fact that women control the pace and thrust, allowing you to delay the orgasm.
Jackie Golob – Shameless Therapy
My best advice for men who want to last longer in bed is seek out a sex therapist for this work!
In sex therapy, that therapist is going to help with realistic expectations, correcting mythology of “lasting long,” incorporating bibliotherapy to read up on this topic from reputable sources.
Also, changing thoughts related to worrying about maintaining an erection, anxiety reduction techniques, focusing on communication skills with their partner(s), expanding sexual repertoire with various levels of desire and maintaining an erection, and exercises with their partner for sex therapy work.
There is no magic way to last longer in bed.
Another thing to look into is if there is something medically/biologically/genetically going on, and seeking out a doctor if this is the case.
30% of sexual disorders are medical and 70% is mental, so there’s got to be a both and approach.
Balancing out let’s check to see if there is something medically going on and mentally what’s getting in the way of maintaining an erection.
Have there been shameful messages? Unsupportive partners? Negative thoughts?
The best advice is to seek help from a sex therapist professional that specializes in this field and this is their niche to get the best support.
Marsha Jackson – FoxTail
It’s no secret that many males find orgasm more easily than women.
That, along with the fact that premature ejaculation is the most common sexual illness in males under the age of 40, means you may find yourself unsatisfied after he’s done.
It’s a terrible bummer to discover his good times are ended before you’ve even begun.
Some people may discover that foreplay allows them to extend their sexual activity. These people may enjoy and please their spouse without having to worry about ejaculating too soon.
As a result, incorporating oral sex or manual stimulation into one’s sexual activities may be beneficial, especially if penetrative sex is unlikely to endure long enough for all partners to experience orgasm.
Exercises for the pelvic floor muscles supporting the bladder and facilitating ejaculation can be strengthened using Pelvic Floor Exercises.
When urinating, one can tighten up and stop the flow for 5–10 seconds before restarting. They should be able to progress to longer holds by performing this several times each day.
Premature ejaculation can be helped with medication, but doctors typically only do so when all other options have failed.
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), a class of antidepressants, can alter the sexual function and make orgasm more difficult. As a result, SSRIs may assist in postponing ejaculation and extend a person’s lifespan.
Let’s start with Socrates; “Know yourself.”
Exploring our erogenous zones, engaging in sexual arousal, consciously gauging the sexual energy concentrating in our genitalia and flowing throughout the body, and ultimately practicing ‘edging orgasms’ are all means to lasting longer in bed.
‘Edging orgasms’ refers to getting to the threshold of having a full body orgasm but without passing over to the point of spasm and ejaculation.
A practical approach to edging orgasms is by exercising ‘sensate focus’, or focusing attention on the changing intensity of sexual neuromuscular euphoria and consciously controlling sexual stimulation.
In essence, ‘sensate focus’ is akin to ‘mindfulness’ with which we can develop the ability to exercise greater discipline of our sexual stimuli and responses.
An ideal means to practice lasting longer in bed is to practice ‘mindful masturbation’ or holistically exploring our erogenous zones and acknowledging what feels good or not.
This level of self-knowledge can make us better communicators and have more fulfilling partnered sex.
Our focus is not on rushing to orgasm but instead on generating and sustaining different levels of sexual pleasure.
Joel Flynn – Gentleman Zone
Sex is pretty much like any other physical activity. You get better at it when training. To get the best of you, train your pelvic floor muscles.
Exercises called kegels or kegel are series of different contraction and release sequences that ultimately and literally train and increase your sexual strength and ejaculation control.
Of course, going ahead with more complex sports, such as swimming, hugely benefits durability and stamina, too.
How long do kegels need to kick in, you’d ask? In my opinion, you should aim for at least a month.
Carmel Jones – The Big Fling
While there are products that men can try to last longer in bed, I have found that more organic techniques are the most effective.
Lasting longer is a mental challenge just as much as it is a physical challenge. That’s why I often don’t recommend techniques that require too much thought as it might take away from the pleasure of sex itself.
Men will read about edging or the squeeze technique. While those work, they are also very specific. Here are two of the easiest ways to last longer in bed:
Increase the amount of foreplay: Lasting longer in bed doesn’t have to mean just penetrative sex. “In bed” can refer to the sexual experience as a whole.
Increasing the amount of time you dedicate to foreplay or teasing your partner’s pleasure zones before penetrating will make their sexual experience last longer.
While it doesn’t technically keep you from ejaculating sooner, it lengthens the amount of time your partner receives pleasure before you ejaculate.
Masturbate before sex: Masturbating before sex is an easy thing you can do to help yourself last longer; however, it works better for older men. This is because men have a refractory period after they orgasm.
The younger the man, the shorter the period. It can range anywhere from 20 minutes to several hours. On average, it’s about 45 minutes to an hour.
So, if you masturbate less than an hour before you have sex, you will last longer in bed as your body will still be in that refractory period.
Rose Collette Aston – London Tantric
If you want to last longer in bed, you need to harness your sexual energy. That’s not easy if you haven’t been taught how to listen to your body.
You must develop a greater awareness of the physical and mental triggers that lead you to orgasm — the only way to learn about these is by paying close attention to the things that stimulate your body and mind when you’re experiencing genuine intimacy.
Only then will you be able to gain greater control of your unconscious urges.
Through tantric massage, you’ll learn everything you need to know about how your body responds to erotic, intensely pleasurable triggers.
With the help of a professional masseuse — preferably a qualified massage therapist trained in the ancient art of tantra — you’ll be taught how to channel your sexual energies.
This can help you access incredible, other-worldly pleasures without finishing before your partner.
By making yourself more aware of what turns you on, you’ll acquire greater control of your body and mind to have sex for longer.
The most important thing is that you still experience sensual pleasure that can be enjoyed long before a final, blissful release.
Staying power in bed is a struggle for many men. The good news is there are several things men can do to help themselves last longer.
One of the easiest ways is to purchase thicker condoms which decrease sensitivity.
Waiting until your partner is begging for sex before inserting yourself is key.
The woman will be close to achieving an orgasm due to her high level of arousal and you will (hopefully) be able to last long enough during penetration to ensure she achieves an orgasm.
Less stimulating foreplay and sexual positions will also help. If you know you’re easily aroused, then spend the majority of your foreplay pleasuring your partner.
Change things up before you get too turned on. Turn the attention back to her and make sure she’s turned on since women typically require more foreplay.
Finally, working on your mind game is essential. Men who are able to distract themselves with other thoughts and decrease their arousal, are able to last longer.
So, the next time you’re about to have sex and want to make sure you can go the distance, try implementing some of the above strategies!
Paul J Hunter – Cork Hypnosis Clinic
The number one tip I would have for guys to help them last longer in bed is to improve their level of self love and self esteem.
Sex can become like a judgement to a lot of guys if they wonder if are they good enough or do they measure up to their partners last partner.
We are constantly unconsciously looking for signs that our partner is enjoying it.
The moment a guy spots a reaction that’s less that might be expected, if he has a self esteem problem, he can self criticize and negatively impact his performance.
Confidence and self belief are key to good sexual performance.
Robert Thomas – Sextopedia
The more pressure you put on yourself to perform well in bed, the sooner you will actually ejaculate. Being anxious about lasting long is precisely what will make you orgasm quicker.
So, going into sex with a relaxed and confident mindset will surely have an impact on your performance in bed.
You can also try edging – stopping physical stimulus to your penis just as you’re about to orgasm.
While masturbating, be very aware of how close to orgasm you are, and stop right before you’re reaching an orgasm. Let your arousal go down for about 10 seconds, and then start masturbating again.
Do this several times during your masturbation session. You can transfer this to actual sex by stopping when you think you’re about to reach an orgasm.
Instead, try giving oral sex to your partner, or simply switch up positions. This will surely be a game changer for you to last longer in bed!
Thank you to all the experts that have contributed to this expert roundup! If you enjoyed reading this post then please share it with your friends and followers on social media.
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