Infidelity Counseling: What Is It & Does It Work? 

 

If your relationship has suffered from infidelity or you are the other woman or man, you may have been told to seek infidelity counseling. An infidelity-related trauma can definitely have a profound impact on everyone involved. Rebuilding the connection of your relationship is not easy, so that is why people consider infidelity therapy before they decide what to do next. 

This is especially important if children are involved or if the separation is complicated due to generated assets or running a business together. Infidelity counseling can help the couple understand why this affair happened and what each person needs in order to restore trust and intimacy. It can also help the other person to grieve what they have lost. That said, the outcome of what happens after therapy or coaching will be different from person to person.

 

Why Do People Cheat?

Most of us are good at judging others and reading about other couples who have had affairs, all the while preventing us from understanding the causes of unfaithfulness. First and foremost, it’s important to state that a person who is being cheated doesn’t deserve it. Relationships are more complicated than they appear. Even though you can believe that you give your best, the other person will not often do the same, and unfortunately, this is where the problem begins. 

So, why do people cheat? Interestingly, there are a lot of reasons why one person chooses to cheat and the other does not. Some reasons are quite obvious; however, there are also those we rarely talk about. 

 

Lack of Communication

Communication is one of many ways to be intimate with your partner. If your relationship or marriage is suffering from a lack of communication, this might push one of you into seeking opportunities to connect with other people. This connection can be physical, emotional, or both. It might start as opening up to someone willing to listen and grow into an affair. 

 

Financial Pressure

Most couples decide to divorce because of financial problems and disagreements, and it’s also one of the most common reasons for infidelity. Being unable to meet your partner’s expectations or feeling overwhelmed by financial issues can significantly impact the intimacy within your relationship or marriage. 

 

Not Being Compatible

Typically, you’d assume that couples are together because of their compatibility. However, that doesn’t have to be the case. Sometimes, a person will choose their partner based on other factors and completely ignore the compatibility. For instance, you might choose your spouse based on their social status, career, living area, etc. This doesn’t imply that you’ll be compatible, which is essential for a relationship or marriage to last. 

 

Lack of Respect

It’s completely common to have ups and downs in your marriage. However, if you face difficult moments with a lack of respect, you can’t expect a fulfilling marriage. Respect is the foundation of every relationship we build with other people. If you or your partner is disrespectful, this can lead to isolation and seeking respect somewhere else. 

 

How Can Infidelity Counseling Help?

Your first instinct will likely be to leave your partner if you have been cheated on. It’s not about it being the wrong or right decision; it’s about understanding and feeling what happened before making a move. If you have been hurt, you have the right to feel that pain in a safe environment and not carry it around with you. 

Also, there is a chance that there’s still so much love you both feel for each other that you’re willing to fight for your relationship or marriage. Instead of ignoring what happened, you are both making a courageous decision to look into the causes of infidelity to prevent it from happening again. 

You will both be given a safe space to talk, share thoughts, and express emotions you feel. Such counseling starts by talking about infidelity, yet its ultimate goal is to repair the damage it created so you both can understand each other better and give each other what you need. By taking care of each other, you are becoming more intimate, and therefore, your needs are met within your marriage or relationship and not outside it. 

 

How Infidelity Counseling Works 

You might be nervous when coming to your first session because you don’t know what to expect. Maybe you think you’ll say something out of control. You could feel worried that the session will not be constructive at all. Whatever your worries are, keep in mind that that’s what counseling is for. It is a space to share, discuss, seek advice, and feel whatever you are experiencing at the moment. 

Once you walk into your first session, your therapist will ask you a few questions to have a better understanding of what happened and the reason you’re both here. They will give you both time to talk and to highlight your concerns, questions, or any other doubts you might have about the process. 

Keep in mind that if you’re not willing to talk to your partner and do the work together, it will be impossible to progress. Your counselor is there to provide support and to guide you through the healing process, yet you and your partner’s collaboration is crucial for it to work. 

 

Final Words

If you’re unsure about the effectiveness of infidelity counseling, consider giving it a try. If you are curious about it because there is a hope of saving your marriage, try it. Invest a few months in an effort to clarify the circumstances and provide your partner with the chance to articulate the factors that contributed to their infidelity. 

If it doesn’t work, at least you’ll know you did all you could to save the relationship you built. Besides, counseling can also teach you more things about yourself. For instance, you can learn what you actually look for in a relationship, what your needs are, and which boundaries you want your partner to respect. All of that can help you either to strengthen your marriage or to build a healthier romantic relationship with another person when the time is right. 

 

Couples Communication Strategies

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

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