Reflective Listening
Your Guide to Reflective Listening
Reflective Listening goes beyond active and passive listening by incorporating repeating and paraphrasing. You’ve likely heard of active and passive listening, but have you considered this deeper approach? If these concepts are new to you, read our guide for a clearer understanding.
In this article, you will learn the benefits of reflective listening and why it is a crucial skill for any relationship.
Degrees of Active Listening
It helps when you actively pay attention and listen to people around you, whether it’s in your professional or personal life.
Successful communication requires as much learning how to listen as well as how to speak.
Hearing someone speak and truly listening to them are two entirely unique things. If we’re actively listening, it means that this person has our full attention and we’re doing our best to understand what they are communicating to us.
1.Repeating
Repeating is the first degree of active listening, and it refers to repeating the words you’ve heard in the conversation to make sure you understand the person correctly. It requires paying attention, remembering the words, and then saying them back to the speaker. As opposed to passive listening, repeating lets the other person know that you are paying attention and want to understand what they are saying.
2.Paraphrasing
By repeating, you are practically saying the exact same words to confirm the speaker’s intentions. Instead of mirroring the exact words, with paraphrasing, you choose similar words yet not the same. This approach shows the other person that you’ve resonated with the shared information. It also allows you to remember that information more easily because you use words and phrases that you connect with better.
3.Reflecting
At first, paraphrasing and reflecting might seem very similar. However, reflecting involves taking a moment to think about the information shared in the conversation and reflecting on it in your words. You can summarize the conversation or provide a few examples to confirm your understanding. Reflecting can be the most profound level of listening, where the listener resonates with all the conversation’s content.
What Is Reflective Listening?
Reflective listening is beneficial across all areas. It can help you communicate more efficiently with your new coworkers, meet your superior’s demands easily, and strengthen your romantic relationship or friendship.
Reflective listening requires a conversation. The person who is listening will speak soon to reflect on what has been said, which is very different from passive listening. For example, if your boss is explaining the details of a new project, you will want to reflect on it, ask questions, and confirm if all is clear.
It’s also worth mentioning that reflective listening occurs in one-on-one conversations or in small groups, as it might be challenging during a business conference with 50 people. That is what makes reflective listening a valuable communication tool that helps build relationships. This intimate aspect guarantees mutual understanding and the ability to collaborate towards a shared objective, whatever it may be.
Key Components of Reflective Listening
If you’re looking to become a master in reflective listening, you will have to first learn its key components. These components will help you truly listen to other people and learn from them.
Reflective listening consists of four key components:
- Active listening—listening to the speaker with your full attention without any distractions
- Paraphrasing—repeating what the speaker said back to them, yet in your own words
- Clarification—asking questions to ensure understanding or raising any confusion you have
- Empathizing—acknowledging the speaker’s thoughts and emotions and taking them into account during the conversation
Benefits of Reflective Listening
Obviously, there are many benefits of reflective listening, especially when compared to passive listening. When we’re dedicated to truly listening to the person talking to us, we’re able to understand their perspective and strengthen the connection with them based on the information received, both verbally and non-verbally.
Reflective listening also strengthens trust. Knowing you are being listened to carefully encourages you to share more and actively seek opportunities to continue communicating with this person. Conversely, people who listen and think about what was said are usually the ones that others turn to for comfort, a shoulder to cry on, advice, or just to vent.
Also, reflective listening reduces misunderstandings and conflicts. Hearing someone speak and assuming you know what they think and feel often leads to confusion and conflicts. If you’re invested, it becomes easier to have empathy for the other person. In other words, understanding their intentions, thought processes, emotions, and so much more becomes easier if you listen closely.
That is what makes reflective listening valuable in problem-solving situations as well. Whenever a conflict arises, whether it’s at work, home, or somewhere else, using this tool can enable both sides to find common ground because they’ll have a clearer idea of why the conflict occurred in the first place.
How to Practice Reflective Listening
With that in mind, you may be wondering how to start reflective listening today and reap its benefits. Once you’ve determined that you want to become better at listening to people around you, there are certain things to keep in mind to ensure you’re doing a good job.
Firstly, whenever you need to listen to someone, make sure you’ve eliminated all the distractions. Find a comfortable place to have a conversation, turn off your phone, close the doors, and decide to focus only on the person in front of you.
During the conversation, be mindful of nonverbal cues. Pay attention to the speaker’s hands, sitting position, eye movement, and any other detail that can fill in the picture of how they feel or what they think about the matter discussed. Also, use your nonverbal cues to show support. Look them in their eyes while they are talking and nod anytime something resonates with you.
When the other person finishes speaking, don’t just say “I understand” and end the conversation by making it about yourself instantly. Utilize this moment to contemplate the spoken words, verify their accuracy, and stimulate conversation by posing questions. This shows that you are doing your best to improve the relationship you have with that person.
If this all feels confusing, book a session and we can help you understand it more.
About Life Coaching and Therapy
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients’ lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!
Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.
