Why Am I So Insecure In My Relationship?

 

If you ask yourself, ‘Why Am I So Insecure In My Relationship?’ know that you’re not the only one. Many people feel insecure in their relationships. In fact, many will even run from being in a relationship because of it. Being in a relationship brings so many beautiful moments; however, it also makes us more vulnerable. 

Depending on your past experiences, you will form a certain perspective on romantic relationships, whether positive or negative. First, finding the right therapist can help you feel more secure in relationships, regardless of your past. They can help you understand this insecurity, make healthy boundaries and requests, and feel more secure. 

 

Feeling Insecure in Your Relationship

Being uncertain or insecure about your relationship is referred to as relationship insecurity. It’s one of many limiting beliefs that make you feel nervous, such as the one that says you just aren’t good enough for your relationship or don’t deserve love. You might feel unworthy and start questioning your partner and the relationship you’ve built together. 

Examples of insecurity in relationships could be that you are always afraid of what your lover is up to while they’re not with you. Relationship insecurities are frequently the result of previous trauma, which might have occurred in childhood or adolescence. Regardless of the reason, remember that if you feel insecure about your relationship, it doesn’t mean you’ll feel like this forever. Understanding what makes you feel insecure, whether it’s with a therapist or not, usually leads to healthy, fulfilling relationships with your romantic partner and loved ones. 

 

Factors Impacting Relationship Insecurity

It’s easy to attribute insecure sentiments to external factors. Perhaps you’ve had too many rejections, or your ex-partner may have indeed cheated on you or mistreated you in the past. Perhaps your fear of abandonment started early in your childhood, and your relationship is now triggering it. Though these experiences shape our views, we are ultimately responsible for our own feelings, and relationship insecurity is one of them.

At the bottom of insecurity, there’s sometimes a lack of self-esteem. There could be different explanations and causes as to why one person has less self-esteem than another. A person with low self-esteem will struggle to believe that others see them as worthy because it doesn’t match their perspective of themselves. This applies to romantic relationships as well. 

Also, insecurity in a relationship can be brought on by fear of rejection. Individuals with low self-esteem may be more vulnerable to rejection. Their deepest anxieties and insecurities might be triggered by their partner’s behaviors or words, even though they only mean well.

As mentioned above, people who have been in toxic relationships where their partner mistreated them or was unreliable may bring back these emotions into a new relationship. Of course, understanding this is not easy, and in most cases, a person can see this with the help of another person. 

 

Signs of Relationship Insecurity

If you’re unsure what relationship insecurity is, look for signs. When we’re not certain how we or our partner feel, it’s always a good idea to start paying attention to behavior and words. 

 

Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the most common indications of relationship instability. A jealous partner often wonders what the other person is doing, where they are, and with whom they are. They want to control your free time and friendships and might even spy on you. Jealousy appears when we’re feeling insecure and is common in people who have been betrayed by their loved ones before. 

 

Constant Discussions

When there are two people, there is an opportunity for a discussion. Having different opinions is normal; however, if all you do is fight and you feel exhausted, this, too, could be a sign of insecurity. Unresolved insecurities, a lack of trust, and even the worry that having honest conversations with your partner makes them leave you are the main causes of such arguments. Instead, focus on trying to communicate how you actually feel or what you need from your partner. 

 

Seeking Attention

Jealousy and attention-seeking behaviors might share similar traits, such as the desire for continuous validation. If you lack self-esteem, you will probably seek attention from your partner and others. More importantly, you will probably want them to give you more attention than they can give. If you believe this applies to you, think about why you seek validation from others and start giving it to yourself. 

 

I’m Insecure… What To Do About It? 

You probably haven’t addressed whatever is making you feel insecure, which is why you feel secure in your relationship. This may indicate that your partner isn’t satisfying your needs or may be related to something very personal, such as a lack of self-assurance or anxiety about the future. Finding the source of the real issue is crucial if you want to feel better about your relationship. 

Communication is essential in all aspects of life, yet it becomes much more essential when feeling insecure in your relationship. After all, your partner will not be able to understand what’s going on if you don’t explain it to them first. Think about how you want to communicate what you feel to your partner. The idea is to share how you feel and not to blame them for how you feel. 

Remember: every insecurity in a relationship starts with us. Our emotions influence our actions, and our thoughts influence our feelings. Try to remain calm when talking about sensitive issues like this one because it will help you listen to your partner’s words truly and find the solution together. 

 

Conclusion

If you or your partner are feeling insecure and it’s impacting your relationship, there’s no reason to continue fighting until you break up. Instead, talk to each other about the cause of this insecurity and consider seeing a therapist to help you deal with these causes. Most often, talking to a mental health professional helps us get to know each other better and learn what we need to heal and love freely. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.