If you want to understand the components that are included in the best sex, this is the blog for you. Society’s message may be that sex is shameful, not acceptable, or that it is only performed for practical purposes – like having a child.
Not true! Know that you deserve to have sexual needs and deserve the best sex.
The number one question clients ask me is how do I get better sex in my life?
My goal is for all people to communicate more effectively, especially around sex and asking for what they want as the best sex.
Let’s start here:
- What do you consider sex is?
- What does sexuality mean to you?
- When does foreplay begin?
- How long does sex last for?
- How will you know you are satisfied and are having the best sex?
If you come see us at the practice I own, Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT), you will know that these are key components we want to understand to get you to your goal of the best sex possible.
Similarly, is the best sex about orgasm, partnership, or something else?
Not everyone has sex for the same reason every time they are engaging in what they consider sex is.
Therefore, understanding WHY you are having the sex and what NEED you are trying to fulfill in it is often an important place to begin processing what the best sex will look like for you.
Give yourself 15-30 minutes to reflect on your sexual fantasies, your desires, and your curiosities.
Then record them either in writing, a video on your phone of you reading them or stating them, or record a voice memo for yourself.
Think about where you like to be touched, and possibly how you like to be held.
- With what pressure?
- For how long?
- With fingers or a massager?
- Who is doing the holding and does that matter?
- Where would you want partner(s) to touch?
For those of you who do not want to analyze sex, remember that sex happens in multiple quadrants – according to the late Gina Ogden. Emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual.
For those of you who don’t know where to start because these questions and concepts seem foreign, and you like to experience things in your body first, feel free to try this.
Set a timer for 15 minutes.
Slowly build sexual energy by facing a partner – cross legged or comfortable standing. If you are doing this solo, do it in a mirror.
Make eye contact and establish a connection.
Genitals are facing your partner, or yourself, yet nothing is being said.
Lips slightly open. Inhale and exhale.
Inhale through the nose. Exhale through the mouth.
Easy sex tip: lock into your lovers breathing as a quick way to connect during sex.
It’s the easiest way to figure out the flavor of sex they are interested in.
Continue with long, deep breaths. Be curious in your mind, even if you are alone, about what next.
You can end just like this or you can continue with a partner, or with self touch on your arms, belly, or thighs.
It is not about orgasm. It is about touch or breath or eyegazing to wake up the nervous system.
Our heart has 5 times the magnetism of the brain. I believe I learned in sex therapy school that 90 to 95% of serotonin and 50% of the dopamine (or 500 million neurons) is stored in the brain and the gut… which is 5x the number of neurons in the spinal column).
Being in connection with our hearts and emotional openness in the moment is the goal of the best sex, for me.
Being tuned into what is going on inside yourself and, if partnered, at the same time as you are holding that the other person is doing this as well.
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!