Real Orgasm: No Need To Fake It Anymore
When was the last time you had a really good, real orgasm? Yeah, we’re talking about the ones where you really enjoyed it and didn’t fake it just to get it over with. Having an orgasm is so much more than just finalizing the intercourse between you and your sexual partner. Unfortunately, there are still a lot of discussions to be held until we all feel comfortable talking about what excites us, what we don’t like and what is necessary for one person to have a good orgasm.
Why fake it?
Although you will instantly imagine a woman when talking about faking orgasms, did you know that men can also fake an orgasm? So, why does one feel the need to fake an orgasm? This happens more often in long-term relationships than in only-sex agreements between two people. The reason for that is pretty obvious – you don’t want to hurt the other person. However, why have we normalized working on every aspect of our relationships besides the sexual?
Maybe sex is no longer a taboo in media or on social platforms yet it still is in relationships. Hurting your partner is not the only bad outcome you can have from faking an orgasm. That feeling of mutual excitement and satisfaction is very unique and denying yourself the right to enjoy it every time you have sex would mean losing something pretty valuable.
Which benefits does an orgasm have for a person?
Having a real orgasm will provide you with incredible health benefits. So, the next time you think about faking it, think about it as something good for your health, not just for your sex life. Here are just some of the benefits you can expect to notice from good, real orgasms:
- An orgasm has impressive sedating powers. When climaxing, it triggers surges of oxytocin and prolactin, the relaxant hormones in our bodies, which when combined with the release of endorphins can result in feeling sleepy.
- It regulates your cycle. When you’re having an orgasm, blood and nutrients rush to the vagina making sure everything is working perfectly down there.
- It lowers your cortisol levels and takes care of your heart. This way, you don’t have to fear heart diseases that come from elevated levels of cortisol.
- During orgasm, the human growth hormone is being released, which also stimulates collagen.
- Each time you have an orgasm, your pelvic muscles will contract and release, toning your pelvic floor which is pretty important for your core strength, bladder control, etc.
Besides these stunning health benefits, a real orgasm also makes you closer to your partner. The oxytocin will surge after the orgasm and it will even deepen the connection you have with your partner. If you were wondering what makes you want to cuddle so much after sex, there’s your explanation!
How to get there?
Faking it or not, we all know that to get to orgasm takes more than just snapping your fingers. How to orgasm more often is what many of us want to learn, so to help you enjoy sex more, here are the best tips on how to orgasm more.
For women, the clitoris is their go-to climaxing place. Many pleasures and releases of orgasm come actually from the clitoris, yet not every woman prefers the same touch. You will need to treat it very individually and learn what each woman likes and dislikes. After all, the preferred touch will help a woman climax quicker and better.
Others will climax when their partner is in contact with their G-spot, placed between the vaginal opening and cervix. Although you cannot see it, you can easily feel it with your finger. When pressing on the G-spot with a finger, penis or vibrator, many women will feel very excited which will then lead to a very pleasant orgasm.
For those looking for more pleasure, you should go for blended orgasm. This type of climax occurs when more than one of your erogenous zones are being stimulated at the same time. For instance, it can be a G-spot penetration with a little bit of clitoral touching. What you can expect is an explosive orgasm due to the fact of feeling pleasure in different spots of your body.
In reality, the more orgasms you have, the more you can expect in the future. More practice brings more pleasure. Have an honest conversation with your sexual partner about what you both like and dislike in bed and dedicate some time to explore how both of you can reach maximum pleasure while having sex.
How to know if your partner is faking it?
Maybe your partner will not be so opened to this conversation and you’ll need to point out the signs that they are not enjoying sex as much as they say they do. These signs are not too obvious and sometimes, they will depend on the person, yet there are several things you might notice if you suspect your sexual life is not as good as you both wish it to be.
Orgasming on demand.
If your partner comes after you’ve repeatedly asked them to, chances are they are faking it. Adding too much pressure will not get the person to orgasm faster. Instead, focus more on doing the things you know your partner enjoys in bed and forget about the orgasm as the goal.
This is more for women as they tend to need more foreplay to climax. Skipping foreplay and jumping into sex immediately might be good for a quicky every once in a while, however, don’t turn it into a habit. Try out that thing you read about in your favorite magazine or do something you both once talked about and never did. Don’t limit yourself, explore the world of pleasure and orgasm will come as a delicious dessert for the both of you.
When the majority of women are climaxing, you will be able to feel their vagina is pulsing. These pelvic muscle contractions will indicate that the vagina walls are gripping. In other words, the woman is experiencing a real orgasm. So, if you hear her screaming that she’s about to come, focus a bit on her pelvic muscles and see if they’re pulsing. If not, it’s time for that real sex talk!
Make your pleasure a priority
Man or woman, we all deserve to feel sexual pleasure. The reason why women don’t have so many orgasms as men do is that they don’t prioritize their pleasure. They will usually think that sex is enough, often forgetting how liberating and sensual an orgasm can be for them. If you and your sexual partner are planning to heat the atmosphere today, think about the things you need to feel the pleasure you deserve.
Maybe it’s longer foreplay, maybe it’s more clit-game, or maybe you need a bit of a role play. Whatever it is, share it with your partner and get yourself that orgasm you deserve!
Additional Help Available with LCAT’s Sex Therapy Video:
Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!
Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.
LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.
Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.