Revenge Sex: How Recommended It Really Is?

 

We’ve heard songs, watched movies about, and oftentimes talked about revenge sex. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, revenge sex refers to having sex with someone for revenge because another person hurt you in a specific way. For example, you’ve realized your boyfriend cheated on you, and you want to have sex with someone else to hurt them back. 

If you have ever felt curious about revenge sex, read on!

 

You’ve Been Cheated On…

If you’re reading about revenge sex, there is a big chance that you may have been cheated on. In every relationship, this is one of the biggest fears, and when it happens, it creates pain inside you. You could feel hurt, betrayed, lost, or angry—all of it. This is when you might think about revenge sex as a way of taking back the control you feel you lost. 

Let’s be clear: there is nothing wrong with having sex after you’ve been hurt or ended your relationship. If you feel like your relationship is limiting you and you want more variety, it might be a good idea to experience sexual connection with another. However, if your only goal is to hurt someone else, revenge sex is not the best idea. 

Here’s why: it will realistically not give you what you’re looking for. You will not feel like you’re over the pain just because you had sex with someone else. Actually, these two things have little to do with each other. That is why it’s important to be clear on your motivation for sex with someone after ending a relationship or being cheated on. If you’re just looking to have fun, go for it! If you think it will heal your broken heart, unfortunately, it won’t!

 

Don’ts of Revenge Sex

If you’re determined to have revenge sex and truly believe it will make you feel better, I get it. You have the right to do anything that brings you peace at the moment. That said, there are a few things you need to keep in mind when you decide to have revenge sex. 

First, never announce it to your ex. If you plan to have revenge sex, do so for yourself. Sharing your intention with your ex might cause another attachment between you two. Beyond that, you can even feel that when you’re talking and having sex with another person, your mind is focused on your ex. That means you are actually using someone. 

Second, be safe. When hurt, we often want to do something wild and unexpected, and such situations can be dangerous as well. Let’s say you meet someone at a bar, and you’ve had one too many drinks. Your judgment will be off, and you could make risky decisions that could lead to a lack of safety. If you do want to have revenge sex with a complete stranger, make sure one of your friends has your location and is aware of your whereabouts.

Third, don’t pressure yourself into revenge sex. You might fantasize that you will be free of the pain in you if you have a sensual connection with another. There is this idea of feeling free after having revenge sex; however, this is not always true for all people. More importantly, if you do not use discernment, it may make you feel even worse. In many cases, people tried revenge sex when they weren’t ready because they assumed it would feel better than how they’re feeling now. 

 

How to Heal 

The reason why people consider having revenge sex is because they feel it will help them heal. They assume it will help them recover from a heartbreak, hurt, or any other pain caused by their romantic partner. If you’re uncertain whether revenge sex is the right choice for you, keep in mind there are other ways to heal.

One of the first things you should do when moving on from your ex is to remove everything that reminds you of them. For instance, you can put all the things in a box and store them in someone else’s storage container.

Cutting off all communication is not always enough to bring closure. There are moments when you need answers or want to understand why something happened. The important thing is to resolve the relationship in a constructive manner, so if both partners see it as a good idea, meet and discuss what needs to be discussed. If you need to seek therapy, please see someone. 

 

Moving On

Taking care of oneself is fundamental to recovering from a breakup or infidelity. In other words, make sure you’re eating foods that work for your body, moving instead of sitting all day, taking regular showers, and getting enough sleep.

It’s also comforting to redefine your own identity and put your independence front and center by focusing on interests that hold special meaning for you. Treating oneself to a little indulgence could also be beneficial. If you believe that getting a massage or manicure will make you feel better, think about doing so. When it comes to revenge sex, consider the reasons behind it. If you simply want to enjoy sex and feel good about yourself, go for it. In a period such as a breakup, it’s important to do things that will help you feel better. For some, this is writing down their feelings, while for others, it might be going out dancing and hooking up with someone. 

 

About Life Coaching and Therapy

Life Coaching and Therapy (LCAT) is a therapy and coaching practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible. Multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systematically-trained and licensed therapists!

Get to know our founder and owner, Amanda Pasciucco, (a.k.a. The Sex Healer) PhD, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist (CST) that has developed innovative therapy programs and therapy videos that get results.

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help all clients who visit us for a variety of personal, relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs.

Learn more about how LCAT can help improve your life at What We Do.