How the Other Guy Feels When It’s Over
Love is complicated, especially if you’re in a triangle, and we often forget to talk about how the other guy feels when it’s over. Most conversations in the media are about the other woman or the broken-hearted couple who has gone through this experience and decided to either peacefully terminate the relationship or save it. Yet, we rarely think about how the other guy feels when it’s over.
Affairs and secretive non-monogamy happen more than we’d like to admit. However, we’re still treating it as something to judge and afraid it might happen to us eventually. As bizarre as it is, something happening this often is not that taboo.
Talking About Affairs
You might decide not to talk to anyone about this experience, and that’s completely fine. Yet, talking about how we felt when it occurred, the reasons for it, and emotions might help someone currently going through it. Let’s say you were the one having an affair with the other guy. That person was present for some time in your life, and pretending they never existed is not doing a favor to anyone.
Who was this other guy? What made him so attractive to you? How did he make you feel? Responding to these and similar questions can help you to understand better what was missing in your relationship.
The Other Guy
Besides the individual level, we barely talk about the other guy. If anything, we tend to put all the blame on the third person for causing damage to the relationship or marriage. Or, we’ll portray the other guy as the villain of the story because he seduced the woman he wasn’t supposed to.
When listening to stories about affairs, have you ever wondered how the other guy feels when it’s over? Considering their feelings and thinking about them is essential to understand not only love affairs yet also romantic connections and love in general. So, let’s take a look at how he might feel when the affair is over, and their beloved woman decides to either work more on her marriage or relationship or simply move on.
Things Left Unsaid
When the husband finds out about the affair without the woman wanting it to happen, the affair will most probably end without too many explanations. A guy who was in love is left behind without a conversation explaining what happened. Did the woman get bored of their relationship? Did she fall in love with her husband again? Is she still in love yet fearing that the husband will do something to him? It is difficult to move on from a relationship if things are left unsaid.
As much as the other guy knows that the woman he is spending time with is in a relationship or a marriage with another person, he knows that she chose him for a reason. She decides to see him over and over again because she likes spending time with him. It is easy to start imagining that she will leave her partner and dedicate time only to him. After all, even affairs that are purely sexual can lead to having romantic feelings for the other person.
So, when a woman decides to terminate the affair, the other guy is left with broken illusions. Everything he wanted is disappearing, and he probably didn’t even see it coming. As risky as it was to start an affair with someone committed to another person, it is equally risky to daydream about becoming a duo instead of a triangle.
Low Self Esteem
If it’s over, it’s probably because the woman reconciled with her partner. When somebody chooses another person over us, we tend to feel like we don’t matter to them. Not only that, we often start comparing ourselves to that person and start experiencing self-esteem issues. In this case, the other guy might feel that he is not worthy of the woman’s love because he is not handsome enough, smart enough, successful enough, rich enough, etc.
Although women more openly discuss these topics with each other, men will also feel this way, especially if they are left with a broken heart. Instead of blaming them, we should all remind ourselves that the other guy is probably not having fun when going through the breakup. They will more often feel either sad, confused, frustrated, angry, or despair than nothing at all.
How to Help the Other Guy
If your friend is going through this situation, instead of saying to them ‘You should know better’ or ‘Next time, don’t fall in love with someone who is already taken’, provide a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen without any judgment. It doesn’t matter what you think about it as it already happened, and you were not one of the protagonists of that story to act in it.
If you wish to be involved in any way, choose the kind way. Listen to how they feel and be there for them. When they are ready, suggest going out to a restaurant or for a walk, depending on their preferences. Help them close that chapter when it’s the right time and you see they are stuck in a circle of emotions. Invite them to activities they would enjoy, watch their favorite movies with them, or take them to a place they’ve never been before. These things tend to take the mind off the thing we’re worried about and remind us of many other beautiful things and people in love waiting for us.
If you’re the woman who ended your affair with the other guy, don’t confuse him by sending messages or calling him. And if you decided to end it, stick by your decision if you don’t want to play with the emotions of another person.
If you’re the husband in this story, don’t blame someone outside your marriage for your marital problems. Focus on strengthening the connection between you two and let the other guy process what happened on his own. It’s nobody’s objective to destroy someone’s spirit yet to learn from each experience and think about what is good for your wellbeing.
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